The Crucible

Brenda’s Blog – June 30, 2020

“54 hours, 48 miles, 45 pound pack, 36 warrior stations, 29 team building exercises, 6 hours of sleep, and 2 meals.”

THAT is the outline of The Crucible, a final grueling element of Marine basic training. My grandson, Colby Hurd, underwent this severe test in order to move from Recruit Hurd to Marine Hurd. Family and friends all over the world lit a candle and prayed for his endurance, strength, protection, and faith. We came together on his behalf knowing he was going past what his mind allowed, pushing his body to extremes.

I will never be a Marine. I will never persevere such a trial. I will never experience pushing my body beyond any normal (for me) expectations. But in my life I have been in crucibles designed to take me out of my independence into dependence and reliance on God. I bet you have, too.

The crucible is a container for melting metal. Its name derived from the original shape of the bowls which were shaped like a cross. The Latin word for cross is crux.

We know in scripture we see the picture of the refiner’s fire. The process of clarifying metal is multiple exposure to high temperatures which causes the slag to rise and be pulled off. Time after time and heating after heating, this continues until all dross is removed. We have all heard sermons using this analogy in the walk of faith. We understand and identify with the experience, don’t we?

Spiritual maturity and growth occur as we lean on God in circumstances which are overwhelming. “Where can I go but to Jesus?” is the question asked during these crucible seasons.

I am proud of Colby for coming through. I hope he felt the prayers of hundreds who lifted him up for those hours. We are a community of faith who stand (and kneel) with each other as the fire heats up, and the demands increase. The crucible will come – may the Spirit of God bring us together supporting one another. And may we be thankful for a God who wants to refine and purify us.

Living In the Christian Context

Weekly Thought – June 30, 2020

Fred substituted for the Elliott Class of Highland Park Presbyterian Church for years. They were dear friends. He consistently thought about them, constantly keeping notes for the times when he was “up to bat.” This message is excerpted from a lesson taught in July, 1987.

Living In the Christian Context

I believe life should be homogeneous, not broken into individually defined segments where the spiritual is just one. In a life like this there are compartments for business, social, family, financial, etc. I want my life to have a holistic reality. I know when I say that some of you will have their discernment antennae rise. Yes, New Agers have used this word, but it is a perfectly good word and concept. Speaking of misusing words… When my great undiscovered classic “You and Your Network” came out Word Publishing heard from Christian bookstores saying they didn’t want to carry it because the word Network was considered New Age. I think we can show Jesus demonstrated the power of connection and community long before anyone thought of hugging trees and deciding they were God.

We should be able to talk about our heavenly home as easily as many of you talk about your vacation homes on Padre or Pebble Beach. Don’t you find people have no difficulty casually mentioning their weekends on the beach, or in the mountains?

Frankly, I think we should be able to talk about scriptural principles as easily as we discuss the multiplication tables. Both are just facts of life for the believer.

Recently I met the owner of an electrical corporation who said he always tries to work God into the conversation. He paused. I think he was waiting for a “bless you, brother” from me. The truth is I rather resent that mindset for several reasons. In the first place, God is already there even though that may not be recognized. We are not inviting Him in from somewhere on the outside. I do not believe our life should be so segmented we have to shoehorn him into our conversations.

I spoke to a men’s retreat in California. We talked about integrating the spiritual as natural. I told them I am not one to grab someone, slap them with the King James Version, and pray loudly and long in the airport lounge. But years ago I told God if the Spirit opened a way I promised I wouldn’t duck. One of the men in the group caught that phrase. He had buttons produced for the whole crowd showing a duck with a bar crossed through – don’t duck! When I am open it is surprising how natural the conversations occur.

The newspaper tells us about daily happenings, often the negative and over editorialized view. It is their view of life. The Bible also gives us a view of life – but as it should be. As Christians we should be holistic and wholly His wherever we are. Segments are for grapefruits, not Christ’s people.”

This week carefully consider: 1) How tempted am I to live like a grapefruit? 2) What is my most natural way of talking about God? 3) Who models spiritual integration for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I do not believe our life should be so segmented we have to shoehorn him into our conversation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” (Job 33:4 NET Bible)

Wheelbase

Weekly Thought – June 23, 2020

Fred thought in pictures. His ability to pass visuals along to his audiences endeared him to all who listened. They carried home more than words, even more than principles – they had a concept they could picture.

As we mentioned before, it is time to update the breakfastwithfred.com website. Like all of us, it has aches and pains. If you would help us underwrite this process, any gift is greatly appreciated. Thanks for praying for us.

Wheelbase

Fiat 500s and Rolls Royce limousines have a commonality: they both have a wheelbase. The big difference is the distance between the front and back wheels. The shorter the wheelbase, the more quickly the impact of road bumps is felt and the rougher the ride. It doesn’t affect the ability to arrive at the destination – it does impact the comfort of the passengers.

Nearly sixty years in business has given me ample opportunities to put this visual into practice.

A baby has a short emotional wheelbase. He or she goes from crying to laughing and back to crying with very little provocation – and time. My grandson Jeff often heard me speak of this principle. When he and his wife Anne began raising their family this came back to him. I overheard him telling baby Jack who was crying in his high chair, “LYW, Jack, LYW.” When I asked what he said, he told me: ‘Lengthen your wheelbase, Jack.”
As we grow, our emotional wheelbase should lengthen. We learn the bad is never that bad and the good is never that good. The mature learn to live with a balance understanding and practicing, “This, too, shall pass.” Emotional maturity allows us to face crisis without giving in to the panic of the environment. Under the glass on my desk are lines from the poem “If.” “If you can keep your head when all those around are losing theirs…” At the end of the litany of ifs is the famous line, “Then you, my son, are a man.”

Yet, some executives maintain their childish short emotional wheelbase. You cross them and they scream; you please them and you are the recipient of flowery clichés. They are weak leaders and fail to engender great loyalty and trust.

The winner who stretches his emotional wheelbase enjoys greater success. And it is infinitely easier on the organization, the community, the family – and their own bodies.

This week carefully consider: 1) How long is my emotional wheelbase? Am I driving a Smart Car or a limo? 2) What exercises can I do to move toward maturity? 3) What picture am I taking away this week?

Words of Wisdom: “The winner who stretches his emotional wheelbase enjoys greater success.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore we must progress beyond the elementary instructions about Christ and move on to maturity.” (Hebrews 6:1(a) NET Bible)

Wait To Worry

Weekly Thought – June 16, 2020

Fred always said he taught himself to think and write in telegram style – the most content in the fewest words. That is the reason he wanted his headstone to read: “He stretched others.” Many of his “one-liners,” as he called them became favorites of his consulting clients, speaking audiences, and readers. They were a code language for the Smith family who grew up hearing and quoting them.

Wait To Worry

Once I was speaking to a couples’ Christian conference. A few days afterwards I received a letter from the President of a chocolates company, accompanied by a large box of candy. “Wait to worry” is the finest thing that has ever happened to my wife.

If you come to our house in Cincinnati we will show you a framed white towel hanging on our bedroom wall. Strange thing to do? My friends know I can be odd, but this seemed to take the cake. Here is the story: Mary Alice called the children in for dinner. Our son Fred lagged behind wanting the last minutes of mud play. She, of course, said “Go wash your hands and face and get in here to eat.” Too late she remembered she had hung up sparkling new white towels. She quickly walked down the hall only to find a perfect set of muddy handprints where he had dampened the digits and placed them neatly on the towel. Needless to say, she wasn’t happy!

I decided to hide the towel. Three years later I took the towel to a framing shop and then presented the objet d’art to Mary Alice. You know what happened, don’t you? She began crying and saying, “Aren’t they sweet? Aren’t they sweet?” Three years earlier those weren’t the words she uttered.
There is no amount of money she would take for that framed towels and those muddy handprints.

One of our family sayings has been: “What you worry about today you will laugh about tomorrow.”

Sometimes when things get tense around our house, our children have learned to stop me by saying, “Dad, is this something we will laugh about later?” It usually is. I remind myself to laugh or have high blood pressure.

It is an emotional and mental discipline to step outside the current panic, taking a long range view. I read a study about worry which interested me. One of the findings was 80% of the things we worry about today will not happen, will work out favorably, or be totally forgotten in one year. Doesn’t it make sense to wait to worry?

(Editor’s note: That framed towel hangs today in the home of Fred’s “offender” son in Tyler, Texas.)

This week think about: 1) What am I worrying about that needs to be put in the “wait” column? 2) When have I laughed about something that seemed earth-shattering at the time? 3) How can I model faith and not fear for my family?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to worry.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27 NET Bible)

Flash Hope

Brenda’s Blog – June 16, 2020

“Spontaneous voices began singing the national anthem, celebrating health care workers.”

As I write this Italy is essentially shut down with people quarantined, hospitalized, and desperately ill with the COVID19 virus. Anxiety shows on faces throughout the world. Grocery stores feature empty shelves and customers load up on toilet paper!

Where darkness threatens to envelope, hope lights a match. This time it was a song.

An Italian street broke out in song as men, women, and children stood on balconies lifting up the national anthem. One after another window opened with heads popping out. The sound reverberated down the old stone-clad Italian street.

For a few minutes the isolation of quarantine disappeared. Neighborly encouragement spread organically. Then as medical professionals walked with weary steps back to the hospitals, the applause began. Soon, they were cheered on by grateful residents. Hope filled the air.

Right now we are living with uncertainty. We are told to self-quarantine and keep a significant social distance from others. The isolation can create anxiety leading to depression. What should be out response?

What song should we be singing? Who should we be encouraging? What spontaneous praise can erupt from deep in our souls?

There is a deep, natural aquafer where I live. It is ancient and free running. Hope and joy are very much like that. We can dip into the waters of renewal, sharing it with others during seasons of doubt.

We must stand on our balconies, loudly singing our songs, bringing light to the darkness and music to the silence of separation.

Problem Solving

Weekly Thought – June 9, 2020

Fred’s ability to ask purposeful questions was widely recognized as part of his uniqueness. He spent very little time in chit chat. When someone came to him with a problem, he quickly began the search for their recognition of the next step.

Thank you for praying faithfully for our work. It is indeed a privilege to invest hours combing through his files, searching for content which can be organized into wisdom nuggets. We appreciate your financial support which underwrites our social media, internet presence, and key people who bring this work to life for you.

Problem Solving

When people come to me with problems, I try to early on get them listing their assets. I am always careful to say it that way, not “tell me about your financial situation.” But invariably people start to tell me about money. Rarely do they ever list others.

I pause them and say, “Let’s stop and go back a little bit. “ Are you alive?” Of course they say, “Yes.” I continue “Well, you look that way to me!”

Then I go through a litany of assets never considered:

“Are you healthy?” “Do you have an education?” “Do you have work or life experience?”

After I get through a complete list of what I call real assets, we move on to the quantitative ones.

My purpose is to break through the cloud which comes with loss, blinding them to the true measure of their situation. I want them to realize the basis for gratitude. Once that occurs I have a foundation to work against their current problems.

But if they keep saying, “Yes, but…” I know my job isn’t finished yet. So, I keep referring back to their list of assets until they move past the “yes, but…” While they stay stuck in that mode, they haven’t moved on to gratitude. In reality, they are still wanting more.

Gratitude is being grateful for what you have, not for what you hope to get. Problem solving begins with an accurate assessment of what we have, then moving on to attack the difficulty. Often, our minds get stuck playing a tape of hopelessness which builds on itself, disabling our mental abilities so needed in problem solving.

Gratitude is a lubricant which can get our mental and emotional gears in correct alignment.

This week think about: 1) How do I use questions with myself and others to begin the problem solving process? 2) What gets me stuck when working through a problem? 3) When is my most fruitful time for thinking?

Words of Wisdom: “If they are stuck in the “yes,but…” mode they haven’t moved on to gratitude.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Who is a wise person? Who knows the solution to a problem? A person’s wisdom brightens his appearance, and softens his harsh countenance.” (Ecclesiastes 8:1 NET Bible)

Just Do It

Brenda’s Blog – June 2, 2020

“Why do we do this?”

The small girl in the restroom stood next to her Mom at the sink. “Wash your hands and put on sanitizer.” “Mommy, why do I do this?” “I don’t know – we just do, so go ahead and get it done.”

I smiled to myself, then thought — how many times in life do we act in an automatic way not really knowing why, just knowing we are to do.

When my siblings and I grew up we were familiar with ‘Because I said so.” The three of us were all strong willed, challenging Mom constantly. We knew, though, that the arguments stopped when she gave us “the look” followed by “Because I said so.” No more arguments.

Habits are essential to get us through each day without burning out our brains. Today we talk about “hacks” which are shortcuts… that is the role habits play. We don’t stop to wonder why – we just do. Unfortunately, this is a two-edged sword: we have good and bad habits which kick in without much concentration.

Dad had a colleague who attributed his success to good habits. His perspective on their use interested me. “I don’t use my habits for the days I want to work – that takes care of itself; I use my habits when I don’t want to work.”

Years ago I began reading the Psalms systematically: 1) the psalm with the number of the day 2) the psalm adding 30 each time e.g. Day 1 is Psalm 1 plus 31, 61, 91, 121. Then I read the Proverb of the day. During a dark season in my life I struggled with Bible reading until my habit kicked in. The habit established years before served me well until I could get back on my feet.

The little girl asked her Mom the “why” of washing her hands. She knew nothing about Coronavirus, but she knew this was something new. Mom didn’t really know why, but she knew it was what everyone said to do. Although it is good to have a rationale for our actions, sometimes we kick into habit and just do it.

You May Succeed

Weekly Thought – June 2, 2020

Fred’s articles in Leadership Journal helped thousands. Each year we receive messages referencing writings from the late 80s and 90s. His clear approach to issues made these articles particularly helpful. In the summer/88 edition he addressed success, focusing on the challenging aspect of permission. These excerpts continue to offer timeless principles 32 years later.

You May Succeed

Recently I was talking with a minister who had just returned from a missions trip.

“What did you accomplish?”

“Well, the most important thing I did with the small churches in difficult situations was give them permission to succeed.”
That was an interesting thought. He must have sensed they saw themselves as losers. They went thinking their ministry was supposed to be tough, and nothing more than meager results would be the outcome. He saw this and helped them raise their sights to see opportunities they had missed.

His remark reminded me of a story about a gifted golfer on the LPGA. This Christian athlete possessed enormous talent but couldn’t put up wins. In frustration, she went to a Christian counselor who uncovered she subconsciously didn’t think of Christians as winners. Raised in a strict home and taught Christians were to be passive, and accept loss with grace, she became a volunteer martyr As a result she wasn’t free to win.

Here are three reasons Christians are afraid to succeed:

1) An incorrect concept of God: Last year while speaking at a seminary a young man approached me, opening the conversation with this: “God has me just where He wants me.” “Where is that?” “Broke!” This is a faulty view of God.

2) An incorrect concept of how God works: When we depend on God to constantly provide through miracles, we misunderstand Him. God is the one who brought cause and effect into being, so usually right results come from right actions.

3) A hesitancy to accept plaudits for abilities: Before speaking at a meeting of a very strict denomination, a young woman sang beautifully. Afterward I said, “You have a lovely voice.” She hung her head and said, “Don’t give me the glory. Give the glory to the Lord.” “My dear, I simply gave you a compliment from somebody who tried to sing and was not able to, and yet who recognizes that you can. Since I believe you have nothing except what you’ve received, any comments I make after that are within the scope of giving God glory.”

The issue, at its heart, is accepting a worm theology. Those who are most comfortable losing readily picture themselves not as children of a great God, but as worms. He doesn’t see us that way. As believers He sees us in Christ. He made us from the dust, but didn’t intend for us to live there. As Christian leaders we have the good news that can break barriers and give people the freedom to enjoy success achieved with integrity.

This week carefully consider: 1) What makes me afraid to succeed? 2) Who needs to hear these words? 3) How can I strengthen the view of myself as a Christian and child of God?

Words of Wisdom: “God is the one who brought cause and effect into being, so usually right results come from right actions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore, be imitators of God as dearly loved children.” (Ephesians 5:1 NET Bible)

Faith and Friendships

Weekly Thought – May 26, 2020

Fred wrote and thought much about relationships. Last week we introduced his thinking on the excellence of them. We continue this week with thoughts about a critical challenge: religious differences between friends.

Thank you for praying as we bring Fred’s wisdom to you.

Faith and Friendships

Religious differences can test our friendships, even to straining the quality of the relationship. It can be the most volatile factor of sustaining a long term connection.

The knowledge of God’s will, the interpretation of God’s Word, loyal ties to an institution, along with traditions of denomination and family combine to create intensity in our beliefs and opinions which affect our relation with others.

It is easy to generalize our unique relation with God into a pattern for everyone else. When our faith walk leads us to believe we know the will of God, we can unconsciously come to apply that knowledge to ourselves, but to others, as well. Young friends of mine used to parody the Four Spiritual Laws of Campus Crusade by saying “I love you and have a wonderful plan for your life.” This can definitely throw a clinker into a friendship.

I have signed many “statements of faith” holding forth the tenets of New Testament dogma. I have never seen one featuring these words: “I am currently living in love with my fellow Christians and will continue to do so as tenaciously as I hold the other points of doctrine.”

Often we find it much easier to fight for the faith than to exemplify it. Our relationships illustrate our real beliefs. The non-Christian world of the first century would say, “Behold the love they have for one another.” Even the keeping of Christ’s commandments was predicated on love: “If you love me, keep my commandments.” In the early days of Christian contemporary music a Catholic priest named Peter Scholtes composed a song which became an anthem for the 1960s Jesus movement: “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love.” It was sung by long-haired youth, and three-pieced suited businessmen.

The only genuine ecumenism is based on love first before organizational unity. Doctrinal harmony is critical, but making sure it is core dogma and not just preference is an outworking of love.

Often when some of my more ardent doctrinal friends criticize other Christians, I ask them: “Do you think they are going to heaven?” This usually stops them for awhile and even with hesitation they say, “Certainly. Why?” Then I give them my simplistic conclusion: “If they are going to heaven, they are part of the body of Christ and I have no option as to whether or not to associate with them and to love them. We are part of the same family.”

Therefore, excellence in friendships (especially long term ones with diverse religious backgrounds) requires a purposeful effort to practice love, seeing others without personal filters as the only answer (as much as possible).

This week carefully think about: 1) How many friends do I have who hold dissimilar religious traditions? 2) What can I do this week to focus on loving and not judging? 3) When does oneness in Christ become real to me?

Words of Wisdom: “The only genuine ecumenism is based on love first before organizational unity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who loves his fellow Christian resides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him.” (1 John 2:10 NET Bible)

Duck and Cover

Brenda’s Blog – May 19, 2020

Growing up in the cold war era of the 1950s, I learned the fine art of “ducking and covering.” In case you missed this, let me explain.

The United States established an agency known as Civil Defense to protect us from the effects of an atom bomb attack. School children rehearsed climbing under desks with their hands covering their heads. Children riding bikes were trained to jump quickly into covered areas – and again, ducking and covering. The trigger for these responses was simple: the sight of a giant light explosion in the sky reflecting the explosion of an atom bomb.

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But ask anyone in their late sixties, or definitely in their seventies. “Duck and cover” was a finely honed skill!

We now know by the time we see a bright flash in the heavens we are already vaporized. Putting a newspaper over your face would be your last earthly action.

Feeling in control is foundational to human nature. Acknowledging the helplessness of forecasting an atomic bomb drop created panic. SO…teaching us all, especially the children to take charge of our destiny made sense to a governmental agency. Don’t you wonder if they chuckled as they handed out yellow hardhats with the prominent CD logo emblazoned on them?

We haven’t changed a great deal. We look at our fears, creating methods to overtake them. We speak affirmations early in the morning to set us on our paths. We establish our own ritual of duck and cover to ward off the effects of potential failures.

Now, as in the 50s, there is only one fail-proof protection – The Lord God Almighty. As the hymnist says, “when morning gilds the skies, my heart awakened cries, ‘may Jesus Christ be praised.’” Yes, we use our wills to devise helpful disciplines, but we know where our ultimate trust lies.

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