Hugs are Important

Weekly Thought – April 13, 2021

Fred recognized the need to hug (and be hugged) later in life. He studied the research on the value of touch. He had large hands and enjoyed having his children, and grandchildren hold onto his fingers.

Hugs are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch. I’ve been working on it for several years. My interest began when I listened to the President of Sloan-Kettering address the American Management Association. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re gonna get well.” There is an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It’s an interesting new technique. (Editor’s note: written long before internet). The professor calls a writer or a speaker, puts him/her on a conference call for an hour to answer questions from the class. In preparation they sent me the school magazine. There was a poem by Donna Swanson, on the subject of aging and touch.

It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because nobody thinks ( or wants) to touch them. When my Mother was 90 (she lived to be 93) she began showing her wrinkles. She was very stooped. I realized I had stopped touching her when I greeted her. Recognizing this, I began hugging her again and it made a great difference for her. Donna Swanson’s poem touched me because it struck me how grateful I was to relearn the lesson of touching my Mom.

Here are just a few lines of the poem entitled Minnie Remembers

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did these slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws?
When, God? How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out…..God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty. They come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me.”

I was at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a laymen’s meeting. A small, unpretentious woman stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to other people. In speaking you always watch that. If somebody stands around they’ve something special to say. She walked up to me standing not even five feet tall, and looked up at me. “Would you hug me?” “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who in my family or friend circles needs a hug? 2) How can I train my children the importance of physical touch? 3) In light of COVID how can I express physical attachment while remaining wise?

Words of Wisdom: “It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because many do not think (or want) to touch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

Daylight Saving

Brenda’s Blog – April 6, 2021

“What happens at 11:00 am on March 14th? All those who didn’t set their clocks ahead arrive for church!”

My Grandfather was an old time traditionalist. He refused to change his watch and the household clocks. For six months the entire family had to keep him on schedule so as the pastor he didn’t arrive for the benediction! “I am staying on God’s time,” he would say. Even as a child the concept that one system was more holy than another puzzled me. Since they traveled very little outside their geographical area he had no reason to justify time zones. How confused he certainly would have been. I assume Tennessee would represent God’s clock, leaving the East and West coasts to fend for themselves, wandering outside “God’s time.”

Scripture tells us we can neither add height, nor time. Elevator lift shoes and the congressional decision to enact daylight saving time are our cultural responses.

All day long people moaned and groaned about the loss of an hour. Do we ever think about how many lost hours we pile up through waste, poor choices, or neglect? I would not dare to do an assessment of my true time management. If we valued each day with such fervency as we do the Spring forward give back, we might find hidden productivity.

As I age (today is my birthday) the realization of stewardship comes sharper into focus. The big three: talent, time, and treasure are the standard measure, but each phase of life emphasizes one more than others. Right now the use of my hours (daylight extended or not) becomes a serious issue. Diminished physical strength and waning hours shine a light on the need to invest my time, not just spend it.

In Latin class we learned Tempus Fugit. Fly, it does. Whether it is man’s construct, or God’s divine plan, time is precious and demands respect.

Focused for Greatness

Weekly Thought – April 6, 2021

Fred included heroes as one of the critical categories for a healthy network. “We cannot live fully without heroes for they are the stars to guide us upward. Heroes are who we can become if we diligently pursue our ideals in the furnace of our opportunities.”

This week would you help us expand our Weekly Thought reach? Let others know about the value of Fred’s wisdom. We thank you.

Focused for Greatness

Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes. In You and Your Network I devoted to an entire chapter to the subject. Here are a few personal heroes who illustrate identifying character traits which in emulating, enrich my own life.

1) The Apostle Paul – total dedication personified. Oswald Chambers coined the phrase “the white funeral” describing the process of totally dying to himself. His “black funeral” occurred years later at the hands of Rome. Having never met him, I still feel I know him just from studying his writings. He says with assurance “this one thing I do.” He found his magnificent obsession, his lodestar, and the race to which he devoted his life. He ran with total focus.

2) Abraham Lincoln – combining strength and gentleness. He did his duty as he saw it even suffering great emotional strife while doing it. He didn’t seem to possess superior gifts, but a superior spirit that matched his opportunities. He was able to be flexible without sacrificing his values. He lacked personal happiness, but he had abiding joy.

3) Albert Einstein – humble intellect. Einstein is one of my personal heroes, not for his intellect, but for his humility. I love to look in his simple, childlike eyes and see the wonder and awe he obviously felt for life, the universe, and God. His humility was a natural state, not an acquired or disciplined accomplishment. Einstein seemed devoid of arrogance, self-centeredness, and conceit. These had been replaced by the ability to see his ignorance more than his knowledge resulting in gratitude.

4) Leonardo Da Vinci – relaxed acceptance. He saw life as a whole and was content to let it be. He didn’t mean campaigns to change anything. He understood the unifying principles of life – man’s relationship to science, art, music, mathematics, and philosophy. He never tried to manipulate truth, only to understand it. Because da Vinci thought in principles his mind could range indefinitely, creating sketchy ideas of such great magnitude it would take centuries before they were developed into useful applications. To me, he is an intellectual hero. His serenity is a personal reproach to our hurry, scurry, activist culture.

5) Abraham – vision and faith. He was willing to risk all on the unseen. He ventured into a relationship which became his reality. We need heroes to personify vision, for without it we settle for a plateaued life and experiences which are too limited.

6) Thomas Edison – persistence. It is reported he responded to a question about his 5,000 failures to develop the incandescent light bulb: “The important thing is I now know 5,000 things that do not work. That is not a failure.” There are times in our lives when we need someone to personify the will survive, the refusal to give up.

Heroes are the personification of our ideals, the embodiment of our highest values. A society writes its diary by naming its heroes. When we talk of our heroes we tell much about who we are, but also about who we will become.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who were my childhood heroes? 2) What heroic characteristics do I desire? 3) How can I encourage others around me to identify personal heroes?

Words of Wisdom: “Defining the heroic quality is important in building a complete understanding of heroes.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD emerges like a hero, like a warrior he inspires himself for battle; he shouts, yes, he yells, he shows his enemies his power.” (Isaiah 42:13 NET Bible)

Prayer Changes Me

Weekly Thought – March 30, 2021

Fred believed in prayer. Their daughter Brenda remembers seeing him on his knees beside the bed at night before going to sleep. On Mary Alice’s nightstand was a spiral notebook containing her prayer list, kept current with notes, additions, and subtractions.

Please continue praying for the ministry of BWF Project. Thank you for words of encouragement and financial support. Fred’s words only grow in relevance during seasons needing perseverance and wisdom.

Prayer Changes Me

Prayer definitely is a key element in the faith walk…even though I don’t understand it. I pray because it pleases God and changes me. When Mary Alice had brain surgery many friends called to say, “We are praying for Mary Alice and the family.” I started thinking about what effect prayer had on the operation.

First, it created a community of overwhelming love. We felt the care and support of friends. After the Gulf War General Schwarzkopf appeared on Bob Schuller’s Hour of Power program. He said he came just to express appreciation for the tremendous prayers of the American people which the soldiers felt during the military action. “We felt the upholding love and the community it formed around us.”

Many of my doctor friends tell me how importantly related are these feelings of love and the will to live. As Mary Alice prepared to go into surgery, we were all conscious of her strong will to live. The entire family traveled to the Jacksonville Mayo Clinic to be with her. The morning of the operation we traveled caravan style from the hotel to the Clinic. She and I knew in each family car there was much prayer being expressed for her well-being. In ours we were playing the Elvis Presley CD singing gospel hymns – a favorite of ours.

Second, I think the more people who are praying are then inclined to engage in worship, wanting God’s will, and acknowledging His sovereignty. I believe this pleases Him. Did the large number affect God? I certainly believe it pleased Him, but I do not think it affected God’s will for Mary Alice’s surgery. To say that God is impressed or influenced by the number of those praying for something is to humanize Him and make Him into a politician.

Some are tempted to create an environment in which they expect Him to perform. They almost threaten Him with displeasure if a large number gather with a specific desired outcome and He doesn’t grant the request.

Third, well-known people and Christian celebrities have no special standing with God – and no “in” for answered prayer. I often resent those who proudly announce the celebrity status of those praying for their cause. Scripture tells us God is no respecter of persons. It also says the prayer of a righteous individual accomplishes much, but it does not say the number and status of the person is key to that accomplishment. God is just as concerned with the prayer of an orphan in the slums as He is with the most celebrated of individuals. Thankfully, God doesn’t operate according to our social pecking order.

Our prayer pleases God and changes me by aligning me with God, not Him with us. It creates a community of love, and an opportunity for corporate worship. It is the unseen, but clearly experienced vertical and horizontal connection. In prayer we are wired to Him and to each other.

This week carefully consider: 1) What wrong thinking have I cultivated about prayer? 2) Who is the subject of my most fervent prayer this week? 3) How has God changed me through prayer?

Words of Wisdom: “Prayer definitely is a key element in the faith walk.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With every prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and to this end be alert, with all perseverance and petitions for all the saints.” (Ephesians 6:18 NET Bible)

Handling Problems Realistically

Weekly Thought – March 23, 2021

Fred experienced four major hospitalizations during his last five years of his life. “We don’t know what to say to him,” one of his friends commented. “Bring him a problem,” was son Fred’s wise answer. The family passed the word around to his many friends. This was the key to his rebounding until the final stay in 2007. This inciteful observation gave him the energy and focus to return home time after time.

Handling Problems Realistically

A former pro athlete interviewed upon incarceration said his drug problem was really about lifestyle. He commented he was caught between the idea of the good life and real problems. He chose to deal with reality by escaping through substance abuse…at least until he crossed too many lines and was jailed.

I agree with him, but I also think there may be more.

1) It is how we define a problem. A problem may be a hurt or a life vacuum. The philosophy of the good life says we are winners who will have continuous highs. This image becomes the over energetic imagery of television commercials. If we don’t feel this way then we must be living in the “before” part of the commercial before the product’s solution. Nothing in life can bring instant results, short of consciousness-altering substances. The truth of real life doesn’t have an immediate “before to after” resulting in forever happiness. Too many Christians look for spiritual highs and spiritual quick fixes because we don’t want to go through the transformational process. In all areas of our lives we want to move from before to after in blinding speed, enjoying it all the way. It just doesn’t happen that way. The good life philosophy fails because we would have to lean on the artificial, synthetic, or addictive to consistently operate on that level. The sudden high is a fallacy and a trap.

2) The core hurt always has a peripheral aspect that can be satisfied by these temporary solutions, but can never be truly remedied by the short term. In fact, the effort to soothe the hurt allows the core problem to continue growing until it takes over all temporary fixes and hopelessness occurs. Suicide then becomes a possible solution. Another is just simply giving into the darkness, deciding we are worthless, and choosing a life of degradation and dishonor.

3) The answer is the rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit. Nothing compares to the washing, cleansing, and changing work of the Spirit. The power is seen in the living out of the transformed life. Just knowing about the Spirit’s work isn’t the full answer; application must happen. Einstein’s theories seem reasonable and practical to physicists, but until astronauts climbed into the rocket and ventured into space were they tested. There is always great risk in change. Spiritually, it is the same. We can’t trust the Spirit on a trial basis. But the good life which comes through rejuvenation and regeneration is truly the only good life. All else may sizzle for a while but will ultimately fizzle.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I handle problems? 2) What is my concept of spiritual transformation? 3) Who helps me clearly define the good life?

Words of Wisdom: “The truth of real life doesn’t have an immediate “before to after” resulting in forever happiness.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God—what is good and well-pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2 NET Bible)

Make A Difference

Brenda’s Blog – March 23, 2021

“Somebody’s life will be changed because you came to work today.”

These words are posted high above the back entrance to Dave Ramsey’s company in Tennessee. Think of that impact as each employee walks to the door, preparing mentally for the day.

The words really gave me pause. Imagine working for a business committed to the value and influence of each employee. And think of the expectations of a leadership team which knows the employees walk in wanting to make a difference.

One of my favorite female business leaders was Katharine Graham who directed the Washington Post through stormy waters. When asked about enjoying life she responded, “To love what you do and, know it makes a difference, how could anything be more fun?”

Dave Ramsey and Katharine Graham were from different decades, but both shared the conviction that work is about using opportunities for the good of others. We are not here for the sole satisfaction of our ego needs; we are here to discover and use our God-given uniqueness within our social context.

Consider if we woke up and read Dave Ramsey’s words each day…we could experience the joy of using our gifts as blessing for others.

The Art of Being Mentored

Weekly Thought – March 16, 2021

Fred’s book Breakfast With Fred had a tag line: “Mentor to a generation of leaders.” His long life enabled that influence to cross several generations. He saw a clear distinction between coaching, discipling, and mentoring. He believed strongly in the mutual responsibilities.

During this season we have received numerous emails expressing appreciation for the weekly thoughts and the applicability. We often think about the timeless and timely nature of his wisdom. We are also thankful for the ability to stretch and bless through the gifts God gave Fred. Thank you for your faithful support and encouragement.

The Art of Being Mentored

Great teachers want to find great students. I always tried to be a good student when mentored. I knew I had responsibilities to them. Here are a few I identified:

1) Admit my ignorance. I never tried to impress a mentor with my knowledge. I always exposed my ignorance. To hide ignorance from a teacher is as foolish as hiding an illness from a doctor. The wise person is always aware of his own ignorance. Dr. Walter Hearn, a Yale biochemist once said, “Fred every night when you go to bed you ought to be more ignorant than you were when you woke up.” I thought he was being facetious until he explained that if I considered my knowledge as a balloon and assumed the balloon increased each day, it would touch more and more ignorance on the periphery. Therefore, my knowledge brought me into contact with my greater ignorance. The arrogant are proud of their knowledge the humble are acquainted with their ignorance. I made friends with my ignorance.
2) Work to ask the right questions. Right questions come from thought, analysis, and discernment. Idle or careless questions are demeaning to the mentor. There’s power in a good question. Years of experience have taught me that one of the keys is asking a question that the person wants to answer.
3) Do your homework. With my two mentors, I never called them unless I had written down what I wanted to talk to them about. Writing out your questions beforehand is helpful to minimize chitchat. When my primary mentor and I met I had preciously organized my questions. I knew it was not a social situation. If we later wanted social time, that would be up to him, not to me. I never walked into his office and sat down until I was invited. He had to know I was not there to waste time. Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.
4) Never try to “use” the mentor. A person with a well-known mentor can be tempted to drop the name, or make reference in ways that are really using, not respecting. Quoting the mentor out of context is an example. A mentor is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

A good student grows. Progress is the pay the student gives the mentor. The mentor greatly enjoys “being there” when achievement occurs. Currently I spend most of my time mentoring high achievers. I never charge. I get amply paid by seeing them grow and accomplish.

This week think about 1) Who has influenced me most greatly? 2) How am I preparing myself to be mentored? 3) What questions do I have this week for my mentor?

Words of Wisdom: “Preparation shows respect and readiness to make progress.”

Wisdom from the Word “He stores up effective counsel for the upright, and is like a shield for those who live with integrity.” (Proverbs 2:7 NET Bible)

The Permanent Parent

Weekly Thought – March 9, 2021

Fred often commented on his progress in parenting. “It wasn’t a natural process for me, but I worked on it. My children occasionally thank me for the lessons I have learned. One commented that I have done a fair job of “reparenting.” His children would no doubt express gratitude for the way he and Mary Alice made sure they knew the Heavenly Father.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly father is permanent – there is no short term contract. He chooses to be bonded to us. What a wonderful feeling to know that God the father seals the relationship once and for all. We don’t have to keep winning His acceptance. It is not a contingent or conditional relationship. Sadly, many fathers cannot grasp the unconditional nature of His parenthood and then cannot reflect that to his own children.

After an anniversary trip, Mary Alice and I stopped in Austin to have lunch with Browning Ware who told us about a woman he had known for over twenty years. She struggled with the fact she could never please her father, even though he has been dead for years. She once told him of striving for academic excellence to please him. When she brought home a report card with all “A’s” she expected high praise. Instead he took it, looked at it, and said, “Don’t they give A+ grades down at that school?” She was crushed. Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.

This assurance of permanence is expressed no better than by the Apostle Paul “Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creatures, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When our daughter Brenda went to college she inserted “nor Denison University” into the list recognizing that event the university environment wouldn’t be strong enough to shake the permanent nature of God’s hold.

Intimacy is the outgrowth of spiritual maturity. The depth and closeness of the relationship comes about naturally as we grow together, whether with God our father or our human connections. Confidence is a good platform for permanence. When we are secure in the enduring quality we have the freedom to open up. God’s everlasting love for us teaches us the way to open the way to intimacy with our own children. Knowing His love for us creates a model for human parenting.

This week think about: 1) Who first taught me about God’s love? 2) Who first taught me about God’s love? 3) How can I pass these lessons on to my family?

Words of Wisdom: “Our relationship with God the father is not based on our accomplishments; our acceptance is based strictly on His love.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Grace, mercy, and peace will be with us from God the Father and from Jesus Christ the Son of the Father, in truth and love.” (2 John 1:3 NET Bible)

Help me, Help me

Brenda’s Blog – March 9, 2021

“If you are out of Reese’s, would that be chocolate insecure?”

An official statement declared that those who are without adequate food because of the severe snow storm and cold weather are to be known as “food insecure.” Just when I think government speak has reached the limit of pomposity someone announces out of essentials to be insecurity.

On this ninth day of snow quarantine I am thankful for adequate resources and ample food. However, my Reese’s minis went early putting me into the chocolate insecure category, longing for a handful of those delightful bites.

Our community excels in helping others. Early on three couples joined to form a purchase and delivery cohort. They knew with their 4×4 vehicles they could navigate the snow and ice, getting to the grocery and delivering needed items. Their intent was to pick up prescriptions, baby food, and basic foods. In addition they delivered meals prepared by local restaurants and offered at no cost.

It only took a short time for the requests to include beer, chips, and of course, chocolate. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one found insecure.

One resident posted of her daughter’s birthday and her inability to provide a cake. You could read her tearfulness in her pleading message. A neighborhood quickly responded offering to bake a cake if someone could pick it up and deliver it. By that afternoon a beautifully decorated chocolate cake was on the way on icy roads to enable a family to celebrate a birthday.

There is definitely no Kindness Insecurity – I live among people who see needs and eagerly respond.

Finding Loyal Love

Weekly Thought – March 2, 2021

Fred and Mary Alice married in 1937. For their honeymoon they rode a trolley downtown Nashville, split a Crystal hamburger, then went back to the one room they rented in a woman’s house. They pledged fidelity “until death do us part.” In June, 2004 they celebrated their 67th anniversary five months before her death. They raised three children, building into them the importance of love and commitment.
We are asking our subscribers to help us grow in the month of March. Would you share the Weekly Thoughts with others to expand the reach and deepen the impact of Fred’s words? Thank you.

Finding Loyal Love

As I was leaving Greensboro, N.C. after being there to consult with Jefferson Standard Life Insurance Company, I called Bill Westfall because I heard his wife of 60 years had recently passed away. As soon as I got him on the phone I realized he wanted to talk about her. During her final illness he kept her at home against everyone’s advice, but he wanted her near him to the end. “Bill, you loved her, didn’t you?” “I did, Fred, and I feel good for I waited on her to the end. Then one night she went to slee and didn’t wake up.” In their love they found loyalty.

Eating in a Grand Saline, TX country café a fortyish couple sat next to me. They were farm people who were out for a Saturday lunch. He got up, paid the bill, and then came back. Standing by her he paused for a minute, then reached down and lifted her up from the chair. As she put her arms around his neck he backed out of the café door, moving to his pickup truck parked outside. He gingerly put her into the front seat. I then realized she had a full body cast making her totally unable to stand. Everyone in the restaurant looked, but didn’t say a word. As they drove off the waitress said to me, “He took his vows seriously, didn’t he?”

Loyalty, not passion, is the greatest evidence of love. We see this in families who stress the importance of faithfulness to each other. This is reflected in not just the marital relationship, but down through the children and grandchildren.

Friendships often show loyal love. I often ask others, “How many long-term friends do you have?” I ask that question of myself, as well. Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty. It pulls us through the valleys. Loyalty is more than agreement; it is the willingness to observe, wait, and instruct.

While watching Johnny Cash sing one night I listened carefully to his signature song which contains the line: “Because you’re mine, I walk the line.” It crossed my mine that perhaps it should be “Because I’m yours, I walk the line.” Maybe it doesn’t rhyme, but doesn’t it express a greater truth?
We don’t think enough of what we owe to those people who love us. It is a big responsibility to be loved. Loyalty is far more than not crossing a line. It is staying by, and contributing to our mutual responsibility to honor one another.

Loyalty is proof of love. In this fast-paced world of instant gratification and self-centered love it is good to stop and think about William Barkley’s prayer that the Lord would give us “in our love, loyalty.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How loyal am I to those who love me? 2) What evidences do I have of loyalty in relationships? 3) Who exemplifies a truly loyal friend?

Words of Wisdom: “Longevity of relationships depends on loyalty.”

Wisdom from the Word “You prove to be loyal to one who is faithful; you prove to be trustworthy to one who is innocent.” (Psalm 18:25 NET Bible)

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