What is Success?

Weekly Thought-September 27, 2022

Fred met many business people at Cindi’s Deli in Dallas at 6:00am for breakfast. When our project began men were asked, “What do you want to hear from Fred?” Every single one began answering with “When I had breakfast with Fred, he said… ” Thus, the project founded in 2004 was named BWF Project, and the leadership event for Christian higher education became the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. For thirteen years we introduced students to Fred’s ideas on right thinking.

What is Success?

Let’s define success. Many people misunderstand it.

For Christians, success can never be measured by money. When people say to me, “That man’s worth ten million dollars” that tells me he is wealthy, but it doesn’t prove he’s successful. In some cases it could illustrate the opposite. For instance, if Mother Teresa,(whom I consider a tremendous success) confessed she had personal assets of over one million dollars I would think she was a hypocrite. Money would prove her a fraud, not a success.

Success can never be measured by numbers, regardless of what the numbers are. I know churches which measure budget numbers, membership, and size of the facility. One unfortunate measure is the number of young men and women who enroll in seminaries after being encouraged by home churches. I read 40% of many seminaries are populated with students encouraged to get a theological degree as they search for the will of God.

The measurement of success is simply the ratio of talents used to talents received. This definition encompasses the process of growth through the focused, purposeful development. Are you maturing? Are you clear on your strengths and gifts? What percentage of your talents are you using with intentionality? If you can answer these questions in the positive, be glad — you are successful.

Some of us tend to think “I could have been a success, but I never had the opportunity. I wasn’t born into the right family, or I didn’t have the money for more education.” But when we measure success by the ratio definition it eliminates those frustrations. I have known people with limited resources who maximized their equation, had a great sense of responsibility, a love for God, and other people. Out of all that flowed a full use of talents.

At GENESCO I promoted a young man from machine operator to lower management he wanted the challenge. Shortly afterward, he was killed in an automobile accident near Lewisburg, TN. Maxey Jarman, the CEO, wanted to go to the funeral. We drove seventy-five miles each way. On the way back Maxey said, “I believe Bill was one of the most successful men we have had in the company.” I said, “He was an hourly employee and was just promoted to a small managerial job. Why would you say that?”
“Because he used what he had.”

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I measure success? 2) What is motivating me to grow? 3) Who encourages me to maximize my potential?

Words of Wisdom: “The measurement of success is simply the ratio of talents used to talents received.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD grants success to the one whose behavior he finds commendable.” (Psalm 37:23 NET Bible)

Three Cheers for the King

Brenda’s Blog – September 20, 2022

The voice rang out: “Three Cheers for the King!” What started as a prelude to a toast has now become a familiar chant for the monarch. In that large crowd, the calls rang out! Hip, hip Hooray! Hip, hip Hooray! Hip, hip Hooray! They were expressing their approval, their encouragement, and good wishes.

This joyful noise immediately brought my friend Becky to mind. In her last weeks of completing her Doctorate of Ministry from Dallas Theological Seminary, she received a severe diagnosis of uterine cancer. She took it on as a calling, creating a vibrant support group at Dallas Baylor Hospital, speaking, putting together volumes from stories of the support group women’s journeys. Her ministry looked much different than her plan. This was not serving in a church as Women’s Minister, but working day by day in a world of women whose lives were about pain, suffering, and death.

In a speech she spoke the promise of God’s presence. She lifted up the reality of Christian faith in the darkest of times. She challenged the women to look to Jesus for meaning, security, and confidence.

As she concluded her stirring message she lifted her hands and exclaimed “Hope, Hope, Hooray! Hope, Hope, Hooray! Hope, Hope, Hooray!” Becky expressed her approval of the God who was with her, the encouragement for those who were walking the cancer road, and eternal good wishes for life with Him even when the earthly time ended.

Fear

Weekly Thought – September 20, 2022

Fred understood the value of disciplined emotions. He did not deny their presence, but respected their role. He acutely analyzed them with objectivity. He had a particular gift of “standing outside himself” and doing personal assessments. In so doing he sought to know two things: his constructive strengths and his destructive weaknesses. Managing then became a process.

Fear

Dr. Clayton Bell, when pastor of Highland Park Presbyterian Church, had the chilling responsibility of telling one of his parishioners her husband, daughter son, and son-in-law were killed in their private plane. He suggested she keep a diary of her experience. She published a magnificent record of this intimate encounter with catastrophe. It has been an exceptional blessing to many. Mrs. May faced her fears honestly and dealt constructively with them. In so doing others have been enabled to deal with their fears.

In sharing our fears, we are able to overcome them.

All our fears are not directed toward death. Most are everyday, garden variety fears. Those nagging fears of self-doubt and discouragement… fears of sickness, and fears of loneliness all pull at us. While we know “God has not given us the spirit of fear” (the constant feeling of fear), we still must fight against those destructive fears which rob us of the “love, power, and sound mind” as He promised.

Some of our fears are the natural reaction to hurt and inadequacy. They are not phantoms; they are real. Therefore, we must deal realistically, not running in terror or striking out blindly without a plan.

It is only when fear becomes a hindrance to our concentration, an impediment to our normal function of enjoying life, that we have to attack it. Oftentimes we wait and it goes away. If it doesn’t, then we are responsible to keep it manageable.

Some fear is good. A proper existence needs healthy fear. The fear of failure has for years motivated winners. Athletes call it “playing for pride.” Therefore, fear can be a healthy driver so long as a moral, value structure keeps it in place. Fear turns on our juices – it is up to us to use them constructively.

Properly controlled fear becomes our cautious guide. Treated intelligently, it guides us around danger. Only when it gets out of control emotionally it leads us into dark places and finally immobilizes us. We rightly fear lions on the loose, but in the zoo they are something to study and enjoy. Just so uncontrollable fears must keep our emotional control towers in good working order. In vigilance we can control and use fear correctly.

Many years ago, Charlie McCormick of Chicago and spice fame, gave me a line he said he saw on an English pub wall: “Fear knocked at the door; faith, answered, and no one was there.”

This week think carefully about: 1) When have I been gripped by fear? 2) What plans do I have in place to deal with fear? 2) How am I modeling faith over fear?

Words of Wisdom: “Properly controlled, fear becomes our cautious guide.”

Wisdom from the Word: “It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NET Bible)

Handling Pressure

Weekly Thought – September 13, 2022

Fred thrived on analyzing the human condition. One of his favorite topics was stress. He read broadly on the subject and created frameworks for handling negative pressures. He was quick to offer gratitude as the strongest antidote.

Handling Pressure

We all have pressure. In my experience I see people choosing one of six ways to handle pressure:

1) Deny it: this is immature and shallow, but often chosen as the preferred option;
2) Be overcome by it: allow the circumstances to paralyze and short-circuit thought processes. One of my favorite lines is from Prof Hendricks of Dallas Theological Seminary who responded to a whining student’s reason for incomplete work: “Prof, I did the best I could under the circumstances.” Prof’s reply: “Son, what are you doing under there?”
3) Relieve it: a common approach leading to alcoholism, infidelity, and various addictions. It is a temporary fix with permanent consequences;
4) Classify it: This one is a particular favorite of mine. Identify whether it is vertical stress which focuses concentration and pulls us together or horizontal which pulls us apart and is destructive;
5) Rejoice in it: Christians learn to expect pressure and ask what can be learned, not how to avoid it;
6) Use it: the greatest energies can come from redirecting the pressure from negative to positive.

My first reaction to stress is: Don’t Panic. I have great admiration for race car drivers. There is a part of me which vicariously takes those turns and flies down the straight aways. One of the greatest lessons I learned from watching them – and talking with them at Indy one year: Don’t Panic.

The amount of stress, it has been shown, has a lot to do with the feeling of being out of control. Dr. Kenneth Greenspan, Director of the Center for Stress-Related Disorders at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center said, “How stressful it (a situation) will be, depends upon the sense of control, or mastery of the situation.”

Executive stress has been called one of the most debilitating medical and social problems in America today. The Christian faith should have good answers for this. For example, our trust in the adequacy of Christ should take us above the current stress. Oswald Chambers always says, “Sit loose to things.” This has helped me tremendously. Twice in my consulting career mergers cancelled my primary client accounts – each done with little notice and serious financial implications. Reminding myself of Chambers’ admonition was crucial. Other fundamental tenets of the Christian faith like forgiveness, our temporal state, the sin nature of man, and the all-encompassing power of God help us put stress into proper perspective. Losing control is predictable; gaining perspective is profitable.

This week think carefully about: 1) What is stressing me right now? 2) How am I choosing to handle it? 3) Who needs encouragement to more constructively deal with their pressures?

Words of Wisdom: “We all have pressure.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not only this, but we also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance.” (Romans 5:3 NET Bible)

Growing Up and Liking It

Brenda’s Blog – September 6, 2022

“I am proud of myself for adulting today.”

My comment to my daughter made both of us laugh. At nearly 80 wouldn’t you think I had conquered all possible hindrances to maturity? But no –

Last week an allergy attack left me with puffy eyes and a most unattractive stye. Ordinarily I would ignore it. However, on Saturday I was beginning a ten month program of study with a required meeting in Dallas. A short email message tied me in knots: “The first thing will be an individual photo session for the directory. Come prepared.”

I looked in the mirror, hoping the lumpy, bumpy eyelid was now smooth. Instead, it seemed enlarged. I actually entertained thoughts of asking permission to have my photo done with sunglasses. Then, it got serious – I considered not attending.

Then I started the growing up process. First, I got up at 4:30am, drove to Dallas, took off my sunglasses, got in the photo line – and adulted!

You know what happened? I stopped thinking about myself, engaged in the lectures, discussion, and group interactions. No one drew back in sheer horror, or proposed to eliminate me from the program.

C.S. Lewis says, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” It reminds me maturity includes developing humility and a sense of reality. Adulting is an exercise in humility.

At the end of Saturday I thought back to high school and the time I missed an important leadership conference because it was a bad hair day and I couldn’t face anybody “like that.” At least I have made progress in the intervening 60 years.

Have fun as you practice adulting and let me know how you are doing.

Men of Meditation

Weekly Thought – September 6, 2022

Fred highly esteemed Francois Fenelon and other early Catholic mystics. Their inclusion of contemplation and meditation influenced his thinking. Laity Lodge in Leakey, TX, was built by the Howard E. Butt Foundation for spiritual growth and development. From its inception Fred and Mary Alice participated in Hill Country weekends with their friends.

Men of Meditation

Meditation is guided study with those who have long walked with God. I find the path to meditation in reading those who focused on closeness to God. One goal: to put down spiritual deep enough to endure times of drought. We put up hedge against withering times. We compare this with the scripture which reminds us grass with shallow roots dries up in the hot sun. Deep spiritual roots help us withstand the pressure of external pressures.

Let me give you a few examples of the men who influence me with their meditative thinking, priming my pump.

1) Augustine: “Love God and do what you will.” Jesus said, “If you love me you will keep my commandments.” Love and obedience come together. This thought helps me to deny legalism and choose true freedom in Christ.
2) Francis of Assissi: My paraphrase: “It is not so important that I am loved as that I love.” He understood the priorities.
3) Oswald Chambers: “Sit loose to things.” In Dallas it is very hard to learn to sit loose to things. We measure so much of our life and value by material possessions. Yet we must remember we are more than what we own. We must keep in mind if the things go we can’t feel like we have gone. Too many accumulate and say, “This is living.” That is not sitting loose.
4) Oswald Chambers: “God isn’t interested in my success; he is interested in my maturity.” This has been foundational in my own meditations.
5) Kelley: “Develop a quiet center to your life.” There must be a place where the storms do not hit. There must be that gyroscopic center from which the other instruments get their readings.
6) Tozer: “My flame may be small, but it is real.” This one I repeatedly consider. Growth and reality are integral, integrated elements.
7) Lawrence: “Dishwashing is just as sacred as prayer.” The value of work is scriptural. A friend of mine ordered a handcrafted gazebo from an African country. A year after the order the excellent piece arrived. With it came a little plaque: “Our work is our worship.” Too many worship their work instead of seeing work as a form of worship.

This week carefully consider: 1) What thoughts come to my mind regularly? 2) How can I deepen my ability to meditate? 3) Why do I get distracted when wanting to meditate?

Words of Wisdom: “Growth and reality are integral, integrated elements.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May my words and my thoughts be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my sheltering rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NET Bible)

Strength Through Fellowship

Weekly Thought – August 30, 2022

Fred believed in the development of personal, internal devotion. However, one of the key elements was the importance of Christian fellowship. During his lifetime he thoroughly enjoyed experiences at the Laymen’s Leadership Institute, Fellowship at Barkley, church retreats nationwide, and of course the Spiritual Emphasis Weeks on Baptist campuses in the 1950s and 60s.

Strength Through Fellowship

Our devotional life cannot be just an individual matter between us and God. It must be worked out and built up in the community of fellow believers. We have to come down from the Mount of Transfiguration into the valley where the sinews and muscles of our faith are developed.

When we pray “our Father” we are talking family, community, and body. On my wall I have a beautiful little sketch done with one line incorporating the words, “Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of God.” We are to share.

As Christians, we can become fully formed friends. I, like you, have a number of non-believing friends. We can certainly share common experiences and great memories, but nothing like I can with my dear friend Jim. When he calls he almost always begins, “Hey, brother.” We have a depth of relation that goes past ordinary acquaintances.

A good friend is struggling with a new son-in-law who is adjusting poorly to marriage and their family. The young man has come several times to hear me speak and has watched the friendship between his father-in-law and me. He asked if he could have lunch. Usually I tell people to meet me at Cindi’s at 6am but because he was coming from out of state I agreed. We talked and then he went back home. He told his father-in-law, “You and Fred are friends. Never in my life have I ever had a friend like that.” He is missing the foundational piece of the friendship – faith in Christ.

Unfortunately, many men are devoid of full friendships. They have golfing buddies, college friends, and business associates, but to find someone with a deeper connection is rare. When I spend weekends on men’s retreats one of the goals is to open up the conversation about Christian devotion and the need for genuine fellowship. The activities, daily contacts, and programs are designed to open up opportunities to begin.

As we serve one another and accept service from one another we grow in devotion. This isn’t always easy – our ego doesn’t handle receiving help and service well.

These are financially hard times (note: 1980s) in Dallas. Those with great losses are suffering emotionally. They cannot believe they are accepted without their financial resources. These are the times for us to share the burdens of others, and also to learn to receive the care of the body. That is fellowship – and the path to true devotion.

This week think about: 1) How deep are my friendships within the body of Christ? 2) What can I do to stretch myself spiritually? 3) Who is a true fully-formed friend in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to come down from the Mount of Transfiguration into the valley where the sinews and muscles of our faith are developed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I was glad about the arrival of Stephanus, Fortunatus, and Achaicus because they have supplied the fellowship with you that I lacked.” (1 Corinthians 15:16 NET Bible)

Keeping Up

Brenda’s Blog – August 23, 2022

“Welcome to the future, Gram.”

My 13 year old grandson told me about his enjoyment of the TV show, Monk. “Oh, I like that show, too. I watch it when I can’t sleep because it is on from 1-4am at home.”

“Do you want to watch one with me?” “Yes, I would love that. What time is it on?”

“We stream it, and watch it whenever we want to – we don’t have to wait for it to be on a TV channel. Welcome to the future, Gram.” I laughed and laughed. I felt like he was explaining how to use a car, leaving the horse and buggy in the barn!

My Dad used to say “principles never change, just the illustrations.” It is crucial to have a timeless foundation and timely applications. When we were raising the children our way of saying it was: “give them roots and wings.”

My future-oriented grandson teaches me about bloggers, YouTube videos, and fantasy games. I can teach him about character, perseverance, and love. The ancient truths of Biblical wisdom never become obsolete. My responsibility is to stay curious about all the “what’s new” pieces of his world while enjoying the opportunity to talk about sustainable values.

The sixty-five years between us evaporates when we laugh, marvel, and learn from each other. I may be older, but am trying to avoid getting old. His exuberance oils my imagination and my eagerness for all things new. Of course, there are times when my travels around the sun allow me to see potholes, and mine fields. My challenge is to warn in a helpful way, without wagging a finger. My concern must be based on God’s wisdom and love – two everlasting tent posts.

He may introduce me to on demand Monk… great fun! And, my desire is to encourage him as he grows in knowledge, good decision-making, and the joy of following Jesus. I, too, welcome him to the future!

Quiet Contemplation

Weekly Thought – August 23, 2022

Fred never tired of thinking about the expansiveness of God. He nurtured relationships with scientists, philosophers, and theologians. Plumbing the depths of creation fascinated him. He didn’t use these times for knowledge acquisition, but as sources for contemplation.

Quiet Contemplation

Charles Kuralt let the camera and microphone “talk to us” for several minutes on his CBS show. There was no narrative allowing us to look at these beautiful evidences of spring and hearing the birds, breeze, and rippling water. I would like to have an hour daily to contemplate nature.

Americans are not much for quiet. City streets, boom boxes (those noisy boxes on the shoulders of the young), and even our church services feature noise. Church growth experts say the fastest growing churches are the loudest. They call it “celebration worship.” But I still tend to think of it as noise, joyful as it may be.

Recently I spoke to an audience containing several foreign businessmen. I discussed the value of contemplation. After I finished a man with an unusually bright face approached me. “May we have lunch? I am a Hindu and contemplation is a major part of my religion, but I don’t hear many American Christians talk about it.”

“Be still and know I am God.” This is personal worship, removing the ritual of communal worship and arriving at the reality of a one-on-one relationship with the Almighty God.

After speaking at the Convention Center in Anaheim I was walking down the hall, I saw an old friend Gerardt Dierks, the German scientist. We held out our arms and hugged. “Gerhardt, what are you excited about?” His eyes misted and he replied, “The awe of God, the awe of God!” And then he said, “Fred, can you imagine a mind that can conceive of the DNA?” For the next 45 minutes discussing the awe of God as expressed in creation.

Contemplation is not passive; it is not what we do as we fall asleep. It is intense concentration, producing high moments for those practiced in it. Think of the moments in your life which are so deep you will never forget them.

I remember standing beside Mary Alice in the hospital after she delivered our first born. She held her, counting fingers and toes. I ask myself “Do I find those same high moments of emotion in our contemplation of God?”

In contemplation our relativity with God – not our relationship, but our relativity. He is eternal; we are temporal. He is infinite; we are finite. He is Creator; we are created.

For me, the effect of contemplation is: when I am small in His presence I am utterly secure; when I am big in my humanity, I am insecure. When I lean on my own position and power I am always expecting someone else to knock me off. My smallness in Him gives me ultimate security.

For me that is the joy of quiet contemplation.

This week carefully think about: 1) How comfortable am I with quiet contemplation? 2) Why do I prefer man-made noise to God-given quiet? 3) What am I learning about myself in the quiet?

Words of Wisdom: “’Be still and know I am God.’ This is personal worship, removing the ritual of communal worship and arriving at the reality of a one-on-one relationship with the Almighty God.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, I have calmed and quieted myself like a weaned child with its mother; I am content like a young child.” (Psalm 131:2 NET Bible)

The Broader Way

Weekly Thought – August 16, 2022

Fred took his last breath at 9:15 on August 17, 2007. To some it may be a cliché, but in truth he “finished well.” He identified his giftedness, developed it, and used it to stretch others.

The Broader Way

A research study by the Menninger Clinic looking at common traits of mature men and women found that “they draw sustenance from many different sources.” They saw that those studied were not narrow people.

Service is one way of paying attention to broadening our lives. My friend lived “the high life.” He was an executive with a $300,000 income (in the ‘70s), a yacht, and jet. After embezzling six million dollars his life drastically changed. He traded his mansion for a federal prison. When he came out he had no friends, business, or family. He wandered the streets of his town, ending up in a half-way house. While speaking in his town a few weeks ago I saw a man across the auditorium. “Who is that man? He looks vaguely familiar.” I knew it couldn’t be my friend with that shining countenance, straight bearing, and purposeful expression. Nobody could change that much, I thought.

After the meeting I walked toward the man. We recognized each other and reached out to hug. “When are you going back to the big time?” My question seemed to be appropriate for this man of confidence and strength. “I’m not. Fred, I found my place working with ex-convicts and helping minority businesses become profitable.” He traded his life of selfishness for a life of service.

Recently, I talked to an over the road truck driver. He was excited about his life. He said, “I’m always looking around the next curve and over the next hill.” When I asked if he ever took his wife he responded, “Once.” “Why only once?” “All she likes to do is knit. We drove along passing beautiful views, and all she did was sit and knit, saying nothing, and seeing nothing. So I thought she might as well sit at home knitting. I could keep on driving, seeing and thoroughly enjoying everything I could. There is just so much mile after mile.”

He knew what it meant to broaden his life.

When we focus our attention, deepen and broaden it, we are simply becoming more alive – and well on the road to maturity.

This week think carefully about: 1) How open am I to new experiences? 2) When do I feel most alive? 3) What challenges and stretches me to grow toward maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “He traded his life of selfishness for a life of service.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I know your deeds: your love, faith, service, and steadfast endurance. In fact, your more recent deeds are greater than your earlier ones.” (Revelation 2:19 NET Bible)

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