The Perils of Aging

Weekly Thought – September 26, 2023

Fred regularly advised “stay current.” He and a dozen leading Dallas Christian laymen met once a month for a prayer breakfast. They spurred each other on during strong, meaningful careers. As they aged they encouraged each other to finish well. They are now all meeting in heaven. Dad would regularly remind them to avoid joining the “usta club.” (I usta do this; I usta do that!)

The Perils of Aging

When I was in my forties, I started making a list of things I would not do once I was old. I knew I’d need the list because without it, the items would seem natural and would become natural. There were little things on it like not sleeping with my mouth open, or not wearing mis-matched clothes. But a few of them are worth exploring.

1. Reminiscing: A television talk show host told me if she interviewed someone who dwelt on the past she never asked that person back. I say good for her. I get sick and tired of listening to people talking solely about the past – about the glory days. They apparently have no present and no future… everything is in the past. That is a sure sign of aging poorly. The way I like to think about this: once you get out of bed you can’t find the warm spot again.

2. Comparisons: As we get older, we tend to make unrealistic comparisons. We talk about the good old time and the quality merchandise we had when we were young. I remember the quality crank that spun a Model T Ford engine and the quality piece of wire that pulled out the choke. I also remember the tremendous amount of aerobic exercise it took to get the thing started and the danger of breaking your arm if it kicked. Was it really so much better than sliding into leather seats in your British sports car, driving off in regal splendor?

3. Idealizing: Remembering the past through “rose colored glasses” even applies to the church. I once had fun at a preachers’ convention as the keynote speaker. I got up and started expounding the need to return to the old-fashioned forms of the faith: we needed to go back to the reverence for the Book. The longer I carried, the more animated I became, the louder and more frequent came the “amens” Then I stopped abruptly and said, “What I mean is… let’s rally go back to the old-fashioned circuit riders, when people only had to go to church every three months.” Graciously, they didn’t stone me, but these preachers gave me stony silence!

4. Faulty Forecasting: Every economist when forecasting should be required to give his age in the first line of the report. Our age seriously impacts our view of the future. As I view my older (much older than I) I see they either move toward optimism or pessimism – Pollyanna or Cynic. The optimists assume an “every day in every way things are getting better and better.” I hear them expressing ultimate belief in the coming generations, attributing moral and mental qualities which have yet to be proven by others of us. America is a winner – no matter what troubles they have “they are right and will win.” The cynic walks around interpreting all through the filter of a black cloud. Nothing good from these young ones can possibly happen.
My choice is to be a realist, but it isn’t easy. The line between idealism and cynicism is often extremely fine and hard to distinguish. But it is the healthiest position. Stay current – see things as they are, not as you thought they were, or as you wish they were.

Where should a Christian be? They must remain as idealists. We live in a fallen world with the evidences and consequences of sin, but we live with hope of comfort here and peace eternally. It is our assignment to be realists who make the most of our time – living redemptively.

This week think about: 1) How can I prevent falling into unhealthy patterns as I age? 2)What I my game plan for aging well? 3) How models aging wisely for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Stay current… don’t join the ‘usta club.’”

Wisdom from the Word: “They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green.” (Psalm 92:14 NET Bible)

Lessons From Death

Weekly Thought – September 19, 2023

Fred wrote about his preparation for the memorial service of a good friend’s adult son. In his thinking he stated that attendees can be observers or participants. He chose to be engaged emotionally, mentally, and spiritually – he opted to participate, not just sit as a social courtesy or an objective onlooker.

Lessons From Death

Preparation for the memorial service of a dear friend’s son was taking the time to think about the lessons of dying. I jotted down 10 “I believe” statements creating a catechism taught by death. This is not a theological treatise, but a framework for my own contemplation.

1. I believe in eternity. My friend’s son is somewhere. He has not simply ceased to exist. My father, mother, sister, and brothers are in a place, as well – for eternity. And where they are they are free from death. The last enemy has been conquered for them.

2. I believe in justification through faith in Christ. I know of no one who has lived so purely to merit heaven. It is a gift.

3. I believe death is our enemy. It can deeply hurt us, but it cannot destroy us.

4. I believe in the Comforter for I have received, now and in the past, comfort and the peace that passes all understanding. Furthermore, I have the testimony of truthful friends who have also been recipients of this comfort and peace. Even in the chaos of grief I feel order.

5. I believe in the healing power of tears. They wash clean like a spiritual detergent. If Christ cried at death, so may I.

6. I believe good can come from hurt – even a hurt this deep. Death can be turned to life by the power of God.

7. I believe this night will eventually end – I know it by faith in His promises and by past experiences.

8. I believe the dead in Christ will be reunited… otherwise I see no sense to life and if it is not so “we are of all men most miserable.”

9. I believe this life is the practice; the real game comes in eternity. Some players just leave the field earlier than others.

10. I believe death comes by process – sometimes our smallest decisions have the greatest impact.

The hope of heaven is that we will know even as we have been known. We will see through clear glass without the haze of our earthly eyes. We will be home and at home, in spirit and in truth. The enemy will be defeated and death will be put under everlastingly.

This week carefully consider: 1) How often do I mentally and spiritually prepare to attend a memorial service? 2) What do I think about death – or do I think about death? 3) How do I experience the hope of heaven at the death of friends or family?

Words of Wisdom: “We will be home and at home, in spirit and in truth.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death will not exist anymore – or mourning, or crying, or pain, for the former things have ceased to exist.” (Revelation 21:4 NET Bible)

The Trees Tell The Story

Brenda’s Blog – September 19, 2023

“Sequoias grow in community – if you ever see one leaning out you can know the roots have been separated from the group.”

My preacher Uncle Paul told me the story as he toured my daughter Meredith and me through the giant Redwoods near their home in Eureka, CA. Majestic, awe-inspiring, frightening… all attempt to describe the indescribable.

“That’ll preach” is the grid through which I hear stories. Growing up in the home of a renowned speaker taught me to look for illustration in any and every situation. Years ago I laughingly adopted the tag line which meant I saw a transferable principal.

The trees triggered me immediately! We, too, are to grow in community, aren’t we? Our roots intertwine sharing nourishment, trauma, sunshine, and even the warm Spring breezes. It is the proper way to live.

When one of us starts leaning away from the group we need to do a “root check.” What is happening? What is pulling one away from the community? What has cut off the nourishment? We belong in community. We belong sharing ourselves with each other.

The trees are individuals yet bonded at the root level. We stretch, mature, and develop our individual skills and gifts while learning from each other and sharing life.

Keep your eyes open – there are life lessons everywhere – even in the Redwood Forest.

Looking at Genesis 16

Weekly Thought – September 11, 2023

Fred hosted an informal gathering each Saturday for 3 years in his daughter’s home where he and Mary Alice lived in their latter days. Because he was in a hospital-style bed, the chairs were placed all around it. There were mornings when more than 30 jammed into the bedroom, and down the hall to hear him share what he had been thinking about during the week’s dialysis treatments. It became affectionately known as “Fred in the Bed.” Two devoted, faithful attendees were Donna Skell and JoyLynn Hailey Reed. They collaborated on a collection of notes from these sessions in 2004 and 2005.

One week he shared observations he had been making during the week on Genesis 16. Here are the points he made. These are simply notes taken and not from an edited manuscript therefore, the points are not fleshed out. This gives you a flavor of Fred in the Bed.

Looking at Genesis 16

As I look at the scripture, specifically Genesis 16, I see 9 meaningful principles. There is much more and we will look at them another week. For right now here is a start. Bring your thoughts and we will continue to “search the scriptures” as the faithful Bereans did.

1) Don’t manufacture a way of doing what God should do – God’s timing is never off. Don’t confuse what you can do and what only God can do. Sarah tired of trusting God’s promise and tried to help Him as if He had forgotten, or run out of time.
2) Don’t be irresponsible – Abraham should not have gone along with Sarah. His wife was in conflict with truth. Abraham also struggled between self-preservation and the truth. Ex: Abraham passed off Sarah as his sister; Hagar was a gift from the Egyptian pharaoh – she was part of his harem.
3) Don’t use another human as an object. When Abraham allowed this to happen with Hagar he was neglecting his responsibility.
4) Abraham’s actions with Hagar diminished his fellowship with God. Abraham went 13 years without hearing from God. He built walls from his circumstances.
5) Hagar’s pregnancy created hatred for Sarah. Her position as mother of Abraham’s son put enmity between Sarah and Hagar. Sin is not new. Will Menninger of the Menninger Clinic says sin is still her except we have renamed it as sickness. The desire to hurt others cannot be renamed – it is sin.
6) We must always leave room in the process for God’s intervention. Chambers says you dedicate your work to God and be willing to do what He tells you to do… in other words, give Him permission to intervene.
7) Hagar said “may the Lord judge between you and me.” The person who says that usually feels right and justified for whatever actions they are taking.
8) Hagar was haughty because Abraham backed her up. Sarah saw her as property, not as a woman with an intimate relationship with her husband. She failed to see the implications of their intimacy. Sex outside of marriage, even when culturally allowed, has negative implications.
9) The fight between Arabs and Jews began in chapter 16. Those two sons: Ishmael and Isaac were the beginning of the ongoing conflict. We also see that there were two sons: one born by process (Ishmael) and one born by promise (Isaac).

This week think about: 1) What principles do I see in Genesis 16? 2) What can I learn from Fred about ways to study? 3) If I were sitting around the room at Fred in the Bed, what question would I ask?

Words of Wisdom: “We are not to treat people as objects.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Every scripture is inspired by God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.” (2 Timothy 3:16 NET Bible)

Taking Responsibility

Brenda’s Blog – September 5, 2023

“Not my fault – not my fault – not my fault!”

Walking down the hall with my arms full of folded laundry I heard my preschooler’s voice repeating “Not my fault.” I quickly delivered the piles to each person’s room then walked back to see son Jeff sitting alone on the floor.

“Jeff, what are doing?” “I am practicing in case Heather and Meredith get me in trouble.” His older sisters often pointed at this cute little blonde boy when they were the guilty ones.

He is now a husband, father of four, and pastor. His grown sisters look up to their “little brother,” respecting him for his integrity and love for the Lord.

Whenever I remember this moment I recognize we live in a culture of blame. We suffer the consequences of too much “not my fault,” practice. Our attitude of sidestepping responsibility is now ingrown and accepted. Group faces off against group; ideology garners support while demeaning another ideology. One worldview espouses “passing the buck” and naming others as oppressors. Teaching young ones to quickly respond, “My fault (or “my bad!) – I am sorry – or forgive me” is a challenge, but one of the healthiest exercises for maturity.

The grace of God is sufficient to provide redemption and reconciliation. Accepting our shortcomings without blaming it on society, family relationships, opportunity, or even God leads to joy. We can continue to sit on the floor and chant “not my fault, not my fault, not my fault” but what a loss. Let’s get up, “man (or woman) up” and live as contributing adults.

Thinking About Money

Weekly Thought – September 5, 2023

Fred valued character, relationships, and faith. He also valued money, but as a tool, not an idol. Growing up extremely impoverished financially, but he was rich in wisdom and life experience. Many sought his counsel as they both built businesses, and rebuilt from financial devastation.

Thinking About Money

Money is one of life’s greatest necessities. To disparage it is to show your ignorance of real life. Money is as important to a functioning life as blood is to the body. It is necessary, but should never be the end goal. We make blood to live, not live to make blood. In the very same way, I make money to live, but never live to make money.

I have explained to our children “money is option.” With it a multitude of choices are possible. Without it our experiences are limited. However, money does not bring with it the sense of responsibility needed to make wise choices and choose the right options. When someone gets into financial, social, or relational trouble, the root cause is rarely money itself, but the irresponsible use of it.

I am sure some of my friends have found a way to through life twice. They seem to think this time they are going to focus on making money and the next time through they are going to enjoy it. In my experience I found we only go through once and I think it makes sense to make it and use it well on the one time we get.

The truth about money has been known for a long time. Aristotle called it “barren” not because it didn’t bring benefits but because the emotions it brought were among the most base and not to be compared to the nobility of love, patriotism, and religion.

The man or woman whose greatest emotions are reserved for money knows nothing of the higher emotional life. Money may buy fun, even happiness at times, but never true joy. It has no potential for elevating the intellectual and spiritual potential.

The love of gold almost blocks the love for all else…certainly those things that are noble. How pale is the struggle for wealth when compared to the struggle for freedom, searching for truth, or the love of family.

This week think carefully about: 1) When I am honest with myself is money a tool or an idol? 2) How important was money when I grew up? 3) Who is a proper model for the prudent use of money?

Words of Wisdom: “The man or woman whose greatest emotions are reserved for money knows nothing of the higher emotional life.”

Wisdom from the Word: “What’s the point of a fool having money in hand to buy wisdom, when his head is empty?” (Proverbs 17:16 NET Bible)

Winners and Losers

Weekly Thought – August 29, 2023

Fred refused to categorize people according to balance sheet, job title, or accumulated status symbols. But he did recognize winners and losers. During extreme downturns in the economy he invested time with friends who suffered great losses. His thoughts and questions offered direction to many business leaders during these times.

Winners and Losers

I love golf – and wisdom. When they come together I take notes.

I was watching a major golf tournament. One of the young competitors was winning impressively. A commentator turned to Ken Ventura and said (in hushed tones), “Ken, he is going to be a real winner, isn’t he?” The experienced golfer replied, “No one can look into his heart and mind. We don’t know what is in there yet.” Watching that young golfer progress proved he had a strong heart for winning.

Too often I hear people build categories of moral and immoral, ethical and unethical as reasons for succeeding and not failing. I think it is easier than that – for most purposes there are simply winners and losers.

When you lose you have certain questions and certain choices to make. Some of the questions are:

1) Did I do my best?
2) Am I responsible for the loss or was it circumstances beyond my control?
3) If I had it to do over what would I do differently?
4) How can I use this loss for future decisions and projects?

Some of the choices are:

1) Become bitter, hostile, or transfer the responsibility
2) Accept that you were defeated and let it become a fact of life for the future
3) Let the loss help establish a realistic view of ourselves in relation to others

It is arrogant to think that we are always the best at all times. And we can’t always choose when we are put into a competitive situation. The best thing we can do is externalize and analyze the loss, but never internalize it. Just because I was defeated does not mean that I totally have failed. One of my favorite statements is: “you haven’t failed – only your plans have.”

Healthy people don’t expect to avoid competition. Also, they don’t allow the shadow of defeat dim the enjoyment of victory.

This week think about: 1) What defeat am I still carrying around? 2) How well do I celebrate victories? 3) What counsel do I give to those going through a loss?

Words of Wisdom: “Healthy people don’t expect to avoid competition.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For this reason I ask you not to lose heart because of what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.” (Ephesians 3:13 NET Bible)

Maximizing Achievement

Weekly Thought – August 22, 2023

Fred studied leaders to find common denominators. One was the power of focus and concentration. Their personalities may be different, but the presence of passion was clear in each profile.

Maximizing Achievement

Every effective leader is imbued with passion. Accomplishment is often in direct proportion to the clarity and intensity of the leader’s passion. It gives focus and vision to the organization; and provides hope in difficult times.

I like this definition: “Passion is concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.” My friend, scholar, philosopher, and theologian Dr. Ramesh Richard advises students to “decide on their passion.” “What is your first love? If you have multiple passions you will be ripped to pieces internally, resulting in a fragmented, random life.” He continues as he talks to his seminarians, “If anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is your first love, you will fall into idolatry.” This is true for every Christ follower. Dr. Richard puts his passion this way: “To make God look good and Christ well known.”

Passion gives intensity, laser-like focus which protects us from the shallowness of mediocrity. We want to be welder’s torches, not candles on a birthday cake.

I overheard an older writer being interviewed by a young journalist. “What advice would you give me? What would you do if you were my age?” The man responded quickly, “Find something big enough to give myself to.” As I listened I thought of a missionary who exhibited tremendous executive skills in his foreign Christian work. He was noticed by a multi-national corporation developing an operation in the country where his ministry was based. They approached him about leaving to lead their new operation and were shocked when they made a lucrative financial offer and were turned down. Thinking the missionary was negotiating they kept raising the offer until they said “this is our final offer. How can you turn down such a prestigious position?” The missionary responded, “Your job is too small. I am a missionary with a commission from God.” He gave himself to something much bigger than himself.

We must ask “Is the object of our passion worthy of our commitment?” Self-sacrifice is the acid test of our passion.
I like the prayer of the old saint “O, Lord, fill my will with fire!” He was asking for passion with a receptive, expectant attitude toward God. A pure passion turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.

This week carefully consider: 1) Dr. Richard talks about identifying passion. What is mine? 2) How does my passion impact my career and family choices? 3) When did I realize the power of passion?

Words of Wisdom: “Is the object of our passion worthy of our commitment?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Really?

Brenda’s Blog – August 22, 2023

“These people have read 14 books, read 8 articles and essays, watched 18 videos, and they responded to questions on each. They have participated in approximately 20 webinars, listened to daily BreakPoint Commentaries, and completed daily devotionals. They have participated in 10 Cohort meetings and led discussions at some of the meetings. They have completed or planned to complete a Worldview Teaching Practicum, and they have developed a Three-Year Plan for Ministry.”

As the speaker read off the past 10 months’ academic accomplishments the size and scope of the Colson Fellows’ Program struck me. “If I had known before I began I am not sure I would have chosen to apply.” Yes, that occurred to me. But what if I had known and allowed that knowledge to stop me from engaging in one of the most stimulating experiences of my life?

Have you ever stopped and looked back upon a challenging season? An overwhelming project? A serious experience? Did you say thanks for having just enough light to make the next steps? Scripture tells us God’s Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. The light for the path is the overall plan (for me, the full syllabus) and the lamp is the step by step (the month’s curriculum requirements).

We are to “consider the cost” as we make decisions, but we are also to follow Abraham as he went out “not knowing where.” He didn’t know the where but he knew the who – indeed he did. And we who follow Jesus are confident that He will complete the work He starts in us – day by day.

When we think we look back at His faithfulness we know we are ready to do what He calls us to do – what a privilege!

Time Control

Weekly Thought – August 15, 2023

Fred took his last breath at 9:15am on August 17, 2007. Dialysis failed. He connected with the dialysis team so closely that one of them returned from his day off as soon as he heard early that morning of Fred’s imminent dialysis failure. He used his gifts well, connecting, stretching, and blessing.

Time Control

When I was consulting with Mobil Oil Corporation, the VP of Marketing and I developed a phrase which we used to minimize unnecessary work and centralize the organization’s thinking on the project. We called it “The Object of the Exercise.” This simply meant putting into one sentence what we were actually trying to do. It is unbelievable how seldom we do this. It is my usual habit to start each morning is to identify and decide what I am really trying to do that day. For me, this is the essence of time control.

One of my early mentors had this sign on his wall: “Results is the only excuse for activity.” On one occasion I was using a great many words to amplify the activity in order to cover up the meager results. He stopped me mid-sentence with, “Fred, show me the baby; don’t tell me about the labor pains.” He wasn’t unkind. He taught me an unforgettable career-influence lesson. As an aside, my children tell me this is high on the list of “things Dad taught me.”

I was having lunch with the President of a sizeable telephone companies after his company meeting. During conversation he told me he decided to stop taking his briefcase home. This surprised me because I knew of no other executive who would walk out of the office without the symbol of his true dedication – the briefcase. He went on to tell me how he came to that decision. “I found out that I spent a great deal of time during the work day sorting papers and filling a ‘take home’ pile. Right then I decided to take those papers out of that pile, stop sorting during the day – and get to work.”

One of my good friends is the CEO of a natural resources firm. “When I walk out the back door of the building and head for my car I make a shift. I am no longer the CEO, but husband and father. And that is the way it remains until I walk back into the building.” His executive friends had a hard time with this, but his marriage is a “’til death do us part” covenant.

Controlling time means seeing it as a limited asset with potential to be spent or invested. I choose investment.

This week think about: 1) What is my biggest time waster? 2) When do I feel God’s pleasure in the use of my time? 3) What would a stranger know about me by looking at my calendar?

Words of Wisdom: “Ascertaining what I am trying to do is the essence of time control.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The sluggard will not plow during the planting season, so at harvest time he asks for grain but has nothing.” (Proverbs 20:4 NET Bible)

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