Living Through Love

Weekly Thought – May 13, 2025

Fred told his family in a conversation about his death: “I don’t want you to need me; I want you to love me.” He didn’t want dependence, but he greatly appreciated devotion.

Living Through Love

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our life when there is little to rejoice about. We appreciate being loved so much that we sometimes forget the responsibility that comes with being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living, and I am convinced that understanding the value of love is a tremendous part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed to die, but I believe that the realization I can contribute and I am loved gives me purpose.

Doctors say that many old people who are reportedly died of “natural causes” really die of loneliness. Current medical research shows that we can literally die of broken hearts. Conversely, studies show that people who receive care and prayer tend to live longer and richer lives than those who don’t.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, so out greatest gift to one another should be our love one for another – and for Him. Love does not need to be earned; it is given. And so, no matter how incapacitated we are, we can still experience being loved – and loving.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can fell. Acts of love are as important as the words of love. One of my favorite times in the day is when my daughter, comes in, pats me on the arm, kisses me on the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning.” When I was pronounced dying by my doctor, she said, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” That is exactly what happened. There is power in love.

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven, I still celebrate Valentine’s Day – for her.

This week think about: 1) Who do I love and who loves me? 2) How can I better understand the responsibilities of loving? 3) When do I sense the love of God?

Words of Wisdom: “I believe that the realization I can contribute and I am loved gives me purpose to live.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I give you a new commandment—to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” (John 13:34 NET Bible)

Divine Principles

Weekly Thought – May 6, 2025

Fred saw life through the filter of principles and illustrations. He observed that the principles never change – just the illustrations. His great friend Jack Modesett, Jr. commented: “Looking for principles is fun and rewarding. And with a little practice, it becomes a way of seeing God at work in His creation. Thanks, Fred, for launching me on that road.”

Divine Principles

While Proverbs says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” it does not give us a clear and succinct definition of wisdom. Personally, I define it as the knowledge and us of divine principles. As Einstein says, “I want to think God’s thoughts after Him.” To me, that is wisdom. Too many people move from data to information to knowledge, but never get to wisdom.

The wisdom of divine principles is often conceptual, not just in explicit chapter and verse. For example, the love of God that so few people really understand was perfectly stated by Ray Stedman in these words: “My life changed when I realized God was for me.”

The gaining of knowledge is the first step toward wisdom. For example, my good friend Jack Modesett, Jr. said “My time at Princeton became enjoyable and profitable when I discovered that learning was fun.” He has carried this over into his Bible studies and teaching. Exploring divine mysteries is exciting.

Another helpful divine principle is “God will not do for you what you can do for yourself, but He will not let you do for yourself what only He can do.” Often we must take the first step, like the priests who had to step into the Red Sea before the waters parted.

A principle that has been sustaining to me during these years of disability is one that Oswald Chambers has helped me see: “God will not give you strength to overcome, but will give you strength as you overcome.”

What a treasury of wisdom we have in the saints who have gone before us, and when we accept Scripture as God’s word and the authority for life.

In it we learn that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

This week carefully consider: 1) What divine principles are part of my daily thinking? 2) How can I sharpen my ability to see and use these principles? 3) Who models this practice for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The wisdom of divine principles is often conceptual, not just in explicit chapter and verse.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 1:7a NET Bible)

Words To Live By

Weekly Thought – April 29, 2025

Fred especially appreciated a prayer written by William Barclay. In teaching and writing he broke down the phrases and drilled down into their application. This week features his thinking on the opening address.

Words To Live By

“Lord, grant us in our work, satisfaction; in our leisure, pleasure; in our study, wisdom; and in our love, loyalty.” I was so impressed with the balance of life he described that I easily memorized it. Through the years I have repeated it to myself many times and twice I have taught it as a Sunday School lesson. The first time I only taught the four requests. Later, I realized that I had missed the significance of the three opening words.

“Lord” – One of the major theological questions today is whether Christ can be Savior without being Lord. George Gallup did a survey among the “born again” and found that only 10 percent considered their faith in daily decision making. He wrote a book entitled “The Saints Among Us” indicating that 90 percent of us are nominal Christians.

“Grant” – This reminds us that all good and perfect gift come from above. We have no demands on God, only requests. Again, the Bible tells u that we have nothing but what we have received of God.” (See 1 Corinthians 4:7).

“Us” – This reminds us that Christianity is a community a Body, a family. It is not just an individual experience. It is not like the pine tree that can grow by itself. It is like the redwood that grows in a cluster of four with the roots supporting each other.

Gert Behanna was born and raised in the old Waldorf Astoria amid amazing wealth. After spending much of her life wedded to a lifestyle of drugs and alcohol, she came to Christ. When she prayed “Our Father” for the first time she realized she was part of a family. She gave most of her wealth to needy Christians whom she considered brothers and sisters.

“Lord, grant us” is a triad of infinite significance.

This week carefully consider: 1) Which word am I going to dwell on this week? 2) When do I experience being part of the family of God? 3) How can I be an influence for Christian maturity?

Words of Wisdom: “Christian community is not like the pine tree that can grow by itself.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For who concedes you any superiority? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you received it, why do you boast as though you did not?” (1 Corinthians 4:7 NET Bible)

Victory Through Vision

Weekly Thought – April 22, 2025

Fred sat on numerous business and ministry boards. His gifts of discernment, connecting dots, and maximizing operations enabled him to contribute to the development of numerous organizations. Vision building is a critical element of any institutional infrastructure.

Victory Through Vision

David Rockefeller was once quoted as saying, “The number one function of the top executive is to establish the purpose of the organization. Like the hub of the wheel, everything else grows out of this priority. “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (See Proverbs 29:18) The New American Standard Bible focuses on the way they perish: “Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained.” To be restrained, and to be concentrated on purpose, is essential to accomplishment. That is why the leader must define the “why” of the organization.

A leader must personally the vision and be dedicated to it personally. As they seek to maintain the vision, leaders must keep in mind these essentials:

1. Define the vision specifically. Leaders disperse the fog.
2. Express it so other people understand it. Lingo without logic simply confuses and doesn’t galvanize.
3. Get both organizational and personal acceptance of the vision. Nodding heads without knowing hearts keep the motor idling.
4. Repeat the purpose over and over. The Old Testament patriarchs set up stones of remembrance to remind the people of their story. (See Joshua 4:5.7, My wife, Mary Alice, always sent the children out the door with the following: ‘Remember who you are, where you’re from, and what you represent.” She kept their purpose “ever before them.”

When you have a clear vision, you view everything in its light. A vision is a filter and a grid through which all activity flows. You come to see the need for a vision broad enough that everything you do can be tied to it. The focused vision will both include and exclude. Despite the work it takes to craft an effective vision, it is a far better alternative to perishing.

This week carefully consider: 1) How aware am I of the vision statements of leading businesses or ministries? 2) What would a family vision statement be? 3) Who has a good approach to vision casting?

Words of Wisdom: “To be restrained, and to be concentrated on purpose, is essential to accomplishment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but the one who keeps the law, blessed is he!” (Proverbs 29:18 NET Bible)

The Art of Criticism

Weekly Thought – April 15, 2025

Fred respected those who corrected motivated by the desire for others to improve. The proper environment for criticism is an observation to help potential develop. He once offered a review of a musician’s performance with these words, “I know you want to be the best…” After which he commented on the strengths and weaknesses of the concert.

The Art of Criticism

Keep criticism positive. Recently, I tried to analyze the reasons for criticism. Three were negative and one positive.

1) We are passing the buck on a self-grudge. If before 10:00 in the morning I have been critical of everybody and everyone, I must stop and ask, “Fred, what is wrong with you? What are you mad at yourself about?” Generally, I have to go and make a call to somebody with an apology. My environment won’t straighten out until I quit being mad at myself and make it right.

2) We are trying to show superior knowledge. How often does someone show you a great idea and you respond enthusiastically until you suddenly say to yourself, “I can’t be too complimentary because he may feel he is as smart as I am.” So you say, “Joe this is a great idea, but…” Many “yes, buts” come from the desire to show your own superior knowledge or experience.

3) We are responding to performance that hasn’t made the grade. Those who start well, but don’t make the A-List usually become critics. You can’t put a failed executive back into the ranks – he/she will become a naysayer and negative influence.

4) We are desiring the other person to improve through our help. We can point out something he or she might not see. It is done quietly and kindly. Positive correction/criticism is not done in public, or even within earshot of others. Too often the negative models are expressed in front of as many as possible to the embarrassment of one and the poor judgement of the other. True, strong positive criticism is specific, and directly clearly toward the area that needs work for the sake of improvement.

The motive of positive criticism sets it apart from any of the negative forms. It is important to point out emotional stability is the foundation for the competent use of the positive and a quality every capable leader must have.

This week think about: 1) How do I react when I recognize a critical attitude in myself? 2) When is the best time for me to handle situations needing correction? 3) What are the triggers for my critical attitude?

Words of Wisdom: “Many “yes, buts” come from the desire to show your own superior knowledge or experience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Speech that heals is like a life-giving tree, but a perverse speech breaks the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4 NET Bible)

The Glory of Grace

Weekly Thought – April 8, 2025

Fred appreciated and applied grace generously. In his last days he made phone calls from his hospital bed to several lifelong friends. He spoke briefly to each one; he frequently would respond to their gracious words with “thank you, but remember, I am just a sinner saved by grace.”

The Glory of Grace

Grace was genuine, real, personal, and palpable to the great saints. Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, Francois Fenelon- these men never doubted they were the constant recipients of God’s amazing grace. Grace was a practical part of their everyday lives.

For example, Brother Lawrence said that when he made a mistake he didn’t spend any time thinking about it – he confessed it and moved on. Before I read that, I had been trapped by guilt… after all immediate grace was too good to be true. Brother Lawrence’s experience greatly released me.

Nevertheless, legalism appeals to our common sense and reasoning. I find it necessary to remind myself that the very Scripture that makes me know my sin and guilt lets me know God’s grace. By refusing grace we play God, creating a disciplinary system by and for ourselves. We view events as punishment. We anticipate correction and interpret it to fit our penal model. We fail to see that actions have consequences and we may just be experiencing the natural results, not a divine penalty.

Why do we do this? Usually because we feel we deserve judgment rather than grace. Grace brings freedom. If we could only follow Brother Lawrence by confessing, receiving His freedom, and moving on “gracefully.” Since grace cannot be deserved why should I feel others are worthy of its gift, but not I? Or why should I ever feel they are not worthy when I am?

Thinking we can be mature in Christ apart from grace is nothing more than foolish immaturity.

The Bible tells me we should not think too highly of ourselves, but it doesn’t advocate “worm thinking,” either. We are objects of grace; grace is a faith gift coming from and through the Father of light.

My great friend Steve Brown once told me his friend Jack Miller summed up the Christian message: “Cheer up, you’re a lot worse than you think you are; and Cheer up, God’s grace is a lot bigger than you think it is.”

This week think carefully consider: 1) When did grace become real for me? 2) How quickly do I show grace to others? 3) Who needs to know grace is God’s gift?

Words of Wisdom: “Grace was a practical part of their everyday lives.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Grace be with you all. “ (Hebrews 13:25 NET Bible)

The Balanced Life

Weekly Thought – April 1, 2025

Fred asked a question during a men’s retreat which spoke to their thinking on balanced living. “Are you driving with a distinct vibration in your operating system? Time control was of key interest to these attendees. Here are several illustrations from Fred.

The Balanced Life

Oftentimes I see people whose lives are simply out of balance. Years ago I was driving my 280ZX (proof of teenage residue) when suddenly I lost a balance on the right front wheel. Here was my dilemma: I could drive at 45mph or less and be stable, or go 65 and shake myself to pieces. This is the picture I have when I see so many people who definitely cannot go more than 45 without shaking and yet they are determined to go into career traffic traveling at 65 mph. If they could only stop, or knew to stop and get the little balance on the life wheel fixed they could be back all on the road. If you are balanced for 45 but insist on 65, you have to get a repair.

A recurring theme among leaders is getting back to the “simple life,” which usually comes down to the allocation of time. I laugh when people tell me they didn’t have time to attend their company’s time control seminar. I find many fail to understand the proper use of time and the value of delegation. Often mistake-prone clutter is illustrative of those who misunderstand the concept of leadership, particular talents, and the nature of building an effective team. Being the leader who is known as the “hardest worker” and the one who turns off the lights at night has tragically missed the point of leadership. Knowing our strengths and focusing on them is critical.

My philosophy has been: Do what only I can do and delegate the rest. I focus on my strengths and move everything else to the periphery.
So much is written about “the balanced life.” Reducing stress sells lots of books. An authentic life must have tension. If a living plant didn’t have the pressure of capillary action nutrients would never move from the roots to the leaves. One of my favorite books is Stress Without Distress. Balance doesn’t mean living life in neutral. Nor does balance mean all areas of life have equivalent focus. It does mean the integration of the parts make a complete whole. Integration should result in healthy living.

This week think about: 1) How long has it been since I evaluated my strengths? 2) What does a balanced life signify to me? 3) Who is an excellent role model for time management?

Words of Wisdom: “If you are balanced for 45 but insist on 65, you have to get a repair.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But as for you, be strong and don’t get discouraged, for your work will be rewarded.” (2 Chronicles 15:7 NET Bible)

The Listening Leader

Weekly Thought – March 25, 2025

Fred developed an international reputation as a speaker, writer, management consultant, and board member. His gifting for thinking and communicating allowed him to “stretch others.” When asked about his wisdom he considered it a God-given talent, but pointed to listening and asking questions as two critical elements.

The Listening Leader

Every leader spends a good part of the day communicating with others. A great many books have been written on techniques of good communication, but the real problem is the spirit, not the technique. Attitude is often the barrier. Almost any two people who want to can talk together. Those who find difficulty communication find they are hindered by their desire to impress, not express.
The difference between a good team and a great one is motivation. Any organization with the ability to get to good can move to great with the proper motivation. And nothing motivates quite like effective communication.

Most leaders are adequate talkers, but inadequate listeners. The ability to listen creatively and positively depends on the leader’s ability to listen on four levels: 1) the meaning of the words 2) the choice of words 3) the sounds of the words and 4) the sight of the words. Most people listen negatively, which is simply keeping silent or reloading while the other person is reloading. Positive listening guides the talker both in the giving of facts and a display of emotions that permit the listener to evaluate on more than the surface level.

Listening can be apparent or latent. A key to latent listening is the ability to read body language. Gestures, eye movements, and physical positioning give clues which fill in conversational gaps. Our words can say one thing while our body responds in agreement or sending up red flags.

Communication is mistakenly confused with agreement. I often hear people say that all problems would be solved if we really heard and understood each other. Not so! In fact, if we really understood what the other one was truly saying, we might have increased disagreement. We talk around subjects in order to avoid points of disagreement. Hearing and understanding are critical to communication but not synonymous with agreement and concord.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am being heard? 2) What enables me to truly hear others? 3) Who can help me develop my listening skills?

Words of Wisdom: “True communication is talking to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:6 NET Bible)

Victory Through Vision

Weekly Thought – March 18, 2025

Fred believed in the necessity of vision, mission, and purpose statements. He understood strong organizational leaders effectively initiated the importance of their being imbedded into the well-running business or ministry.

Victory Through Vision

Davd Rockefeller was once quoted: “The number one function of the top executive is to establish the purpose of the organization.” Like the hub of the wheel, everything else grows out of this priority. Until the vision is established, trouble is ahead. Scripture says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” The New American Standard Bible focuses on the way they perish. “Where there is no vision the people are unrestrained.” To be restrained is to be concentrated in purpose, is essential to accomplishment, and that is why the leader must define why the organization exists.

A leader must personify the vision and be dedicated to it personally. As they seek to maintain the vision, leaders must keep in mind these essentials:

1) Define the vision specifically. Leaders disperse the fog.
2) Express it so other people understand it. Lingo without logic simply confuses and doesn’t galvanize.
3) Get both organizational and personal acceptance of the vision. Nodding heads without knowing hearts keep the motors idling.
4) Repeat the purpose regularly and systematically. The Old Testament patriarchs set up stones of remembrance to remind the people of their story. Mary Alice always sent the children out the door saying: “Remember who you are, where you are from, and what you represent.” She kept the purpose “ever before them.” As they grew up and raised their own families, our daughter Brenda would remind her adult children “be a blessing.”

When you have a clear vision, you view every decision in its light. The vision is a filter and a grid through which all activity flows. It becomes the lens through which the entire operation is seen. The focus enables the leader to both include an exclude. Crafting a workable, sustainable vision can be time consuming, but its effective use is a far better alternative to perishing.

This week think about: 1) How clear is my ability to communicate my personal vision? 2) What am I able to see that inspires confidence in others? 3) Where can I help others craft effective vision statements?

Words of Wisdom: “Lingo without logic simply confuses and doesn’t galvanize.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will give them a single-minded purpose to live in a way that always shows respect for me. “ (Jeremiah 32:39 NET Bible)

Effective Self-Management

Weekly Thought – March 11, 2025

Fred answered a first-time question “Can we get together?” with “Meet me at Cindi’s Deli at 6:30.” It was his first step in evaluating the seriousness of the person. “Could we make it 8:00?” usually equated to a relational false start.

Breakfast with Fred became a buzz word for wisdom gathering among his broad network of learners and leaders. This week’s theme is from his 2007 book Breakfast With Fred. Though focused on executives these principles apply to every area of daily living.

Effective Self-Management

The hardest person on any executive’s team to supervise is himself/herself. The recognition is soon recognized that “my problem is me.”
If many people took the energy and intelligence they spend devising ways to avoid work and applied it toward building a work plan, they would be highly successful. One of the most important executive disciplines is cutting off escapes from effective work. Sadly, there are executives who are strategic about accomplishment avoidance. For example, a great many people study their jobs rather than work at them. Most people already know considerably more than they are actually using in the workplace. Education is not the problem – disciplined motivation is.

Another escape for most people is activity. They have not learned “results are the only excuse for activity.” Many people feel as day’s end that they are satisfied with their efforts when in fact they have just been busy. They are the chief of their local fire department putting out flames but never constructing buildings. They are on the run but never getting anywhere productive. Too many eat, belch, and run – like fire trucks with dirty engines. Little boys make lots of noise playing firemen but grown men and women need to put away their helmets.

In order to accomplish anything you must have a definite goal. Unless you can write it down it isn’t definite or specific. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, taught me that aimless verbal wandering has no power. Only when I put the goal on paper does it take shape. Until it is formed, it may be an idea of a direction, but it isn’t a goal. A ship with a lot of steam doesn’t get to port unless it stays on course.
Once the goal as been set, it must be pursued with a burning desire. The desire must be maintained and sustained with discipline.
(Editor’s note: Later in Fred’s life he changed his focus from strict goal setting to a clear understanding of direction. In fact, one of the questions he would ask emphasized the import of this element in successful living… “Are you satisfied with the direction you are going?” He often spoke of “revectoring” which was the way he described keeping keyed to “true north” and staying on direction. The popular trends of 3 or 5 year plans had less interest for him. He wanted to define his life mission and then measure “staying on course” with regular checks.)

This week think carefully about: 1) How disciplined am I about putting my goals and direction in writing? 2) What will it take to “get out of my own way?” 3) Who models productive activity rather than just busyness?

Words of Wisdom: “A ship with a lot of steam doesn’t get to port unless it stays on course.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May he grant your heart’s desire; may he bring all your plans to pass.” (Psalm 20:4 NET Bible)

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