Avoiding the Potholes and Pitfalls

Brenda’s Blog – October 20, 2020

“Pilot Car: Follow Me”

I have a good friend who recently retired after a long career as an OTR driver. He said truckers say there are only two seasons for those who drive American interstates: winter and road construction. Both create problems and slow their progress.

An addition to his observation is rural East Texas where somehow money is always available to work and rework roads which seemingly have minimal traffic. I often suspect it is good for the local economy and for the results at election time.

Driving to Tyler this week I encountered one of those seasonal hazards – an extended line of construction trucks blocking us off.

As I obediently and fairly patiently waited in the one lane created by the road crew, I glanced at the lead car. The sign in very large letters emphatically instructed: Pilot Car: Follow Me.”

Of course my first reaction was “why do we need that? We can certainly drive the distance without a guide.”

Then, my “find a life principle everywhere” kicked in an I smiled to myself. Life is a construction zone, isn’t it? There are many roads closed down to one lane and obstacles obscure vision and safe travel.

Often we are frustrated by slow forward movement and seek ways to skirt around situations and decisions. Peace is nonexistent. Then I remember life has no true shortcuts – the struggle is real and authentic peace only comes through the trials, not by skipping them.

And help is available. We have wise counselors, life experience, and Biblical imperatives to pilot us as we avoid falling off the paved road and into the pitfalls. We have the hope of successfully traveling through the “slow down: construction zone ahead” and riding on the smooth pavement for a while.

Expanded Realization of God

Weekly Thought – October 20, 2020

Fred emphasized learning as a critical element in maturity and healthy living. One of his friends told him, “Fred, you should go to bed each night knowing less than you knew when you woke up.” He meant we should recognize the vastness of knowledge, never thinking we have mastered it.

During this year the BWFLI campus visits were put on hold. Plans are being made for 2021 and a format which will allow students nationwide to participate through ZOOM and other online chat platforms. Please continue to pray. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Expanded Realization of God

A dilemma arises when thinking about what life in Christ means. I feel smaller as the realization of my Christian identity increases. It never makes me feel bigger but always smaller, and we live in a society that resists anything that reduces our individual identity. An interesting thing happens as I feel smaller, I feel more a part of the Christ-life. I fit in better.

As I increase my realization of God I also increase my ignorance and so the focus moves from knowledge to ignorance for on the periphery of expanded knowledge is always increased ignorance. This ignorance that gives me my excitement and expectation. It is not reviewing what I know but learning what I don’t know that makes life exciting.

1) I am a living soul. One of the most important people in my life was an illiterate woman who worked in a cotton mill for $2.50 a week and lived in a little row house. Shortly before Mrs. Carter died she said, “Fred, pretty soon you’ll hear that Mrs. Carter is dead. Don’t believe it. I’ll be more alive than I’ve ever been in all my life.” I believe that. This living soul of hers and mine will live eternally. This is too big for me to comprehend, but it is the first consideration of my Christian identity.

2) I am a child of God. I am more than a servant, more than a representative, not merely a creature of God, but through the new birth in Christ I am a child of God. Jesus is my brother. I am now a member of the family.

3) My body is the temple of the Spirit – “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” This is the story of Pentecost. This is what the disciples waited for. The spirit is resident, not a consultant. Nor a visitor, but a permanent resident. The spirit is the enabler who lets me say “I can get divine help.” The spirit’s filling means I can be fulfilled. I can overcome temptation, for none comes my way that doesn’t also bring at least one escape hatch and exit ramp. The spirit facilitates conversation with God. And it lets me verify truth by the “witness of the spirit.”

4) I am a witness – We too often talk about giving a witness, meaning a testimony. But life in Christ makes me a living witness. I can wish I were not a witness or even try not to be a witness. I can be a bad witness, but all the same – I am a witness. My friend JoyLynn Hailey Reed, the PhD professor says, “You cannot not communicate.” If you are His, you are a witness to what you are becoming.

This week think about: 1) What shows me how my realization of God is enlarging? 2) Which of Fred’s points can be lived out this week? 3) How am I strengthening my witness for Christ?

Words of Wisdom: “We too often talk about giving a witness, meaning a testimony. But life in Christ makes me a living witness.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He came as a witness to testify about the light, so that everyone might believe through him.”(John 1:7 NET Bible)

Bread of Life

Weekly Thought – October 13, 2020

Fred loved to eat. In his early life he won a chicken eating contest. He was affectionately known as Fat Fred. Years later he modified his habits moderate, but food continued to delight him. A good friend, Ed Yates, faithfully provided him with pies he made especially for Fred. After dialysis he enjoyed slices of Ed’s gifts. Fred loved thinking about the faith journey from unusual vantage points. This week he discourses on the comparison of food and worship styles.

Bread of Life

The analogy between spiritual and physical eating interests me.

Eating habits and style begin early. My family growing up was happy just to have food and the number of forks was irrelevant. Style definitely took a back seat to execution. However, I have some fine Southern friends who believe food cannot be consumed without proper form. Clarence Darrow in his law practice was the great defender of the outcast and downtrodden, but was heard saying. “I will do anything for the common man except eat with him.”

It occurs to me our churchgoing is similar to our eating habits.

Some are gourmets who can only enjoy food if it is expensive, perfectly presented, and consumed in the finest environments. They have cultivated tastes and dignified demeanors. The food must satisfy more than their need for food – it must satisfy their aesthetic sensibilities. Likewise we have members of the Body of Christ who require surroundings and manner of service to satisfy their understanding of worship. The value of the spiritual feeding depends on the environment.

We also have those who insist everything be done in dignity. Decorum is a core value. The surroundings may be less formal, but propriety and proportion are key. They never overeat nor engage in excessive table discussion. Their manners are beyond reproach and their tastes are well-ordered.

Then we have the “all you can eat.” Dinner on the ground crowd. The room is abuzz with conversation. The quality and quantity of the food far exceeds the importance of the serving style. My experience these folks want all their friends to know about the food and how to get a place at the table.

As a born and bred Southern Baptist I can tell you I believe them to be the “chicken eating, share the love of Jesus” group. I will leave the identification of the others to your personal observation.

I once visited a church to hear a friend speak. Unaware of the exact service time I arrived early, entered a totally empty, beautifully appointed stone sanctuary. I picked a convenient aisle seat and enjoyed my time alone in this magnificent edifice. Shortly, an elderly woman came in and nearly sat on my lap in this vacant room. After a few uncomfortable minutes, I asked, “Am I sitting in your seat?” “Yes, our family has occupied these seats for decades.” She is a woman of tradition and decorum and I had violated her “church eating rules.” She would be uncomfortable at my potluck church, but we both desired to be fed.

It is too easy to turn up our noses at those who eat differently, physically or spiritually. A formal service may provide me an experience that a good old Sunday evening song service might not. And the generous serving of the Gospel could bring nutrition to the gourmet churchgoer.

Food is sometimes a luxury, often a joy, and always a necessity. When we know others are eating, we should be thankful they are being nourished.

And bottom line: the focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder bread.

This week think about: 1) Is worship style a matter of principle or preference? 2) How can I live in unity with other communities of faith? 3) What does being an agent of peace look like for me?

Words of Wisdom: “The focus is on the Bread of Life, whether it is a croissant or a slice of Wonder Bread.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV)

Measuring Success

Brenda’s Blog – October 6, 2020

“I am really proud of how it looks.”

My hairdresser always offers a mirror so I can see the back after a haircut. I always smile and decline. This time she said, “I wish you would look. I am really proud of how it looks.” Years of disappointing, even terrifying results reflected in the mirror taught me just to walk away without the “reveal.”

As I drove home I thought about an assessment process offered by Bill Hendricks and his Giftedness Center. To ascertain motivational drivers he asked me to write out at least twenty experiences with the one requirement: “times when you said to yourself ‘I really did that well.” It was important that these were times when I said to myself “you did a really good job.” It wasn’t to be when I received an award, got an “at-a-girl,” or was applauded. This was important because it made me delve into what I considered success – not how others defined it. He told me it could be a very small event, or perhaps an experience with sizable dimensions, but the measure was my assessment.

Think about this exercise and accept my challenge to seriously consider entering into such an exploration. When you complete your stories, look at them and uncover common threads…they will be there. They will introduce you to motivational patterns and drivers. You will identify times when you were proud of yourself.

You know what I found? I loved to have an idea, bring people together to make it happen, and then stamp “done” on it. Realization became a major driver for me. It taught me having an idea is great fun, but without the execution team I am left wandering around with unrealized ideas and dreams lying around the floor.

How blessed is my hairdresser to know when she is proud of her work. She didn’t wait for me to compliment the style, but boldly spoke out. How free she is!

The understanding of success begins with our awareness of those “I really did that well” moments and organizing our lives to include more activities which prompt that response.

Hugs Are Important

Weekly Thought – October 6, 2020

Fred studied people. And along with daily research he enjoyed scientific and psychological work. He continually thought about what made people tick. His consulting business often focused on interaction among groups of people. His instincts were a clear part of his giftedness.

In light of the COVID restrictions, these thought from Fred significantly remind us of human touch. Although we may not apply them currently, we can file them away for future activation.

Hugs Are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch; I have been studying it for several years. I became interested because the President of the Sloan-Kettering Institute said to the American Medical Association during a lecture: “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black medical valise. We know today that very little in that bag would fully heal anybody, but despite that, people got well. My Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re going to get well.” There is now an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It was the precursor to our teleconferences from my bed following my years of immobility. The students threw questions gat me. I loved the give and take. In preparation for the call, I read their student magazine. Included was a poem by Donna Swanson. It relates to touch and I included it.

When my Mother was 80 years old (on her way to 93) she began to get very wrinkled and was stooped over. It’s said old people miss tactile relationships with others because so many hesitate to touch them. I realized I stopped touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again – what a difference it made to her.

Let me share an excerpt from the poem titled Minnie Remembers by Donna Swanson.

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did those slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws… when, God?”

How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out.

I remember how my mother used to hold me, God. Oh, God, I’m so lonely.

I remember the first boy who ever kissed me. I remember Hank and the babies. Out of the fumbling awkward attempts of new lovers came the babies. And Hank didn’t seem to mind if my body thickened and faded a little. He still loved it…and touched it. And the children hugged me a lot. Oh, God, I’m lonely!

God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty, they come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me. They call me Mom, or Mother, or Grandma.”

I was at a Christian conference in Kentucky when a frumpy little woman, almost square in shape, stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to others. Speakers always watch for that. If somebody stands and waits, they have something they want to say. She walked up to me, straightened up to her full five feet of height, and said, “Would you hug me?” “Of course I will.” I reached out and gave her a big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last? I knew – a long time.”

Consider carefully this week: 1) Even though physical hugs are unacceptable in this season, how can we express closeness to others? 2) Who needs a hug from our heart this week? ) What are the signs of physical deprivation?

Words of Wisdom: “I was very happy I relearned to touch my Mother.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

November 27, 2004 Fred in the Bed, part 3

Weekly Thought – September 15, 2020

Fred-in-the-Bed was a weekly event drawing anywhere from 17 to 36 participants who listened to his accumulated “dialysis university” thinking. Chairs were placed around his hospital-style bed and he held court. He taught for 90 minutes, enjoying every single minute! The binder of notes from 2004 and 2005 assembled by Donna Skell and JoyLynn Hailey Reed reflect the breadth of his thinking. The cover of the binder bears a metal plate with the words: “a teacher inspires.” This is the third of five excerpts featured in September, his birthday month.

November 27, 2004 Fred in the Bed, part 3

“We should have the feeling of progressing in life,” There are five disciplines in life:

a) Financial – Money is important because it gives you options, Money is like blood in the body. “I make blood to live; I don’t live to make blood.” It is healthy to live on 80% of annual income. When Mary Alice and I married we had $5.00. I always kid her saying if she wanted more, she should have saved more! We committed to living on 50% of our income until we had a year’s income in the bank. We believed in giving 10% as a minimum and definitely saving at least 10%.

Learn the difference between saving, investment, and speculation. Investment is playing WITH the odds, Speculation is playing AGAINST the odds. Make friends of compound interest. Don’t spend interest, invest it.

We used the rule of putting deposits in our “memory bank…” We invested in experiences through travel, associating with interesting people, and education. We knew that children learn financial management based on what they see their parents do.

b) Physical – I laughingly say my favorite form of exercise is stopping by my favorite donut shop, parking on Willow Lane, and watching my friends run the track at The Cooper Center. I have been blessed with good health until my kidneys decided they needed extra attention 3x a week. Childhood exposure to lead based paint slowly deteriorated their functioning. I am not disabled by dialysis, but only “delightfully dependent.”

c) Mental and associations – My good friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones likes to say “Except for the people you meet, the places you go, and the books you read, you will be the same person in 5 years as you are today.” I know travel, reading, and associations are the pillars of my development plan.

d) Emotional – Maturity is stretching your wheelbase. Think of going over a road bump in a Smart Car then think about going over in a stretch limousine…what a difference. In the Smart Car you almost climb the bump with front and back wheels simultaneously. The limo gives a long space between front and back. Children’s emotions change from laughing to crying in just moments… they have a very short wheel base. My grandson Jeff Horch and his wife have a baby son named Jack. When he starts fussing they say to him, “Jack, SYW!” meaning stretch your wheelbase.

e) Spiritual – Know what you believe. Know what your standard of belief and truth is. I accept the Bible as the compass which indicates true north. I can wander through various intellectual forests, but still find my way home if the Bible is my source and guide. Have a clear answer for “who do you say I am?”

This week carefully think about: 1) Which of the disciplines requires significant thought? 2) How do I build memories with my family? 3) How would I measure my life progress?

Words of Wisdom: “I never think of myself as disabled, just delightfully dependent.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I pray that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, will give you spiritual wisdom and revelation in your growing knowledge of him.” (Ephesians 1:17 NET Bible)

Road Tripping

Brenda’s Blog – September 8, 2020

“On the road again – making music with my friends.” – Willie Nelson

Quarantining, sequestering, isolating, sheltering – all synonyms for taking my car keys away.

For decades traveling the roads of America with four favorite wheels underneath me has brought opportunities for ministry, connection, and development. March, 2020 changed me from road warrior to home body.

In 2019 plans for an annual trip to The Cove (Billy Graham Training Center in Asheville, North Carolina) with friends highlighted the August 2020 calendar. Months passed and the probability of the trip dimmed. However, my intrepid, traveling spirit took charge and with great caution (a 10 day supply of masks and disinfectants) I drove from Texas into the great beyond.

Not only did I attend The Cove, but I added eight stops to visit friends unseen for years. We made music together: stories of God’s provision, protection, and promises. We laughed as we recalled long ago experiences and shared friendships. In the letter to Philemon Paul thanks him for being a refreshment. This verse reverberated over and over as I drove mile after mile. The refreshment of the Spirit poured over each visit.

I once was asked to write out a summary of my ideal job. I found the paper (I don’t throw anything away!) recently. “My perfect job would be to travel by car cross-country, encouraging other Christian friends in the truth of God and the power of the Spirit.” WOW! My Willie Nelson adventure in the throes of pandemic fleshed out this desire. I was on the road again and indeed was making the music of connection with my friends.

Your refreshment may not be a road trip, but look for those who bring life and hope to you, especially in these days. And consider how to brighten the spirits of others, helping them to make their own music.

August 21, 2004 Fred in the Bed, part two

Weekly Thought – September 8, 2020

Fred experienced four hospitalizations which were predicted to usher him from earth to heaven. Each time he recovered, returned home, and continuing stretching and blessing. After an early one he spent a restless, frustrating weekend. His daughter in whose house he lived realized this pattern would drive the both crazy. She called dear friend Ed Yates saying, “Dad is definitely not satisfied with no activity. Would you invite some friends and come by next Saturday?” Ed began a Saturday tradition which continued until his death. Because chairs were placed around him as he lay elevated, but horizontal, it became known as Fred in the Bed. Donna Skell and JoyLynn Hailey Reed compiled their notes for two years as a gift for his 90th birthday. During his birthday month of September the compilation will be excerpted.

August 21, 2004 Fred in the Bed, part two

Fred talked about stress quoting St. Avalon “The imagination is the fool of the house.” So much of our stress comes from imagination, My ancient mystic friend Francois Fenelon says when we move away from gratitude for today and imagining a better tomorrow we are “insulting the opportunities of today.”

How do you maintain inner strength during stressful periods?

A helpful metaphor is a submarine. As the ship goes down the pressure (strength) inside needs to increase to counter-balance the pressure outside. When we are in stressful seasons we must make sure our internal strength is adequate to offset the external forces pushing against us.

Anger also produces stress. Have you ever known people whose lives seemed to have a thin veneer of civility and calm yet once the surface was scratched anger bubbled up like a volcano? Because of my love for food I also like the picture of Crème Brulee. The crust is thin and fragile. Once punctured the custard is exposed (and in my case, quickly consumed). Stress and anger go hand in glove.

I am convinced there are two types of stress: vertical and horizontal. The vertical is healthy because it pulls you up, Think of a flower on a stem. Without turgor pressure the stem droops. Without the fluids pushing through the cells the flower dies, We can grow limp, as well, One of the best examples is the sense of awe (reverential fear) of God.

Horizontal stresses pull us apart and create damage. Designing our lives to meet others’ demands and standards is horizontal. All the current talk about self-image leads to horizontal stress. We want to have a clear definition of self-worth because we were bought by God through the work of Christ. That is settled and doesn’t change just by what others think or say.

In our competitive society there is a prevailing stress – the fear of losing. The losing by our choosing stresses us. When we make one decision we give up other options. These are the “Y”points. Marriage and career are two of the biggest examples. One of the pitfalls of our current day is buyer’s remorse. “If I choose the left fork and it grows dull, I opt out and choose another road.” The stress of always looking around for the better option steals the joy of commitment.

This week carefully consider: 1) If I were immobilized how would I use my time to benefit others? 2) How clear am I on the differentiation between vertical and horizontal stress? 3) What is creating unhealthy stress in my life right now?

Words of Wisdom: “Scripture emphasizes shelter, refuge, and shadow as roles of God… great antidotes for stress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one true God acts in a faithful manner; the LORD’s promise is reliable; he is a shield to all who take shelter in him.” (2 Samuel 22:31 NET Bible)

Living the T-shirt Life

Brenda’s Blog – August 25, 2020

“I did it and have the T-shirt to prove it!” I have heard this about jobs, parenting, athletic events, and even eating contests.
My closet is full of Tees from travels, most of them very old and way too small for me now. But I keep them because they remind me of great experiences.

My grandson lives on hand-me-downs and thrift store offerings. Consequently, he has tees from a variety of colleges, cities, and sporting events. Often he is asked if he is a graduate of the college whose shirt he is wearing. People just assume he is a student. But no – he is the recipient of someone else’s history.

How often do we adopt someone else’s story instead of creating our own? Isn’t it easier to borrow someone else’s credibility rather than earning our own?

How often do we take on the spiritual background of someone else without establishing our own? I once knew a man who as an adult was challenged by his mentor to “stop riding my spiritual coattails and get your own testimony.” He was wearing someone else’s t-shirt.

Sometimes I randomly glance through my shirts and pause to remember – moments of time travel. Some make me laugh while others bring a few minutes of reflection. But then I fold them, put them back in the closet and promise to do something with them “someday.”

I have a friend whose wife mistakenly used a beloved, but ratty, t-shirt as a cleaning cloth. He almost cried as he explained the significance of the concert tee from his glorious days of youth.

What do our shirts say about us? Volunteer efforts, jobs, travels, athletic pursuits, political affiliations, holidays, or maybe faith statements? We Americans live a t shirt life. Every once in a while perhaps we should take inventory and consider what they say about us, our beliefs, and our character.

We will always go on proclaiming our experiences to the world, bear advertising like living sign boards, and announce our proud loyalties, won’t we? Let’s just make sure they rightly express who we are.

A Layman Looks To His Pastor, part four

Weekly Thought – August 25, 2020

Fred encouraged pastors for he knew the pressures they faced. He watched his pastor Father minister to suffering men and women throughout the Depressions of the 1920s and 30s. He and Mary Alice were never members of a congregation without befriending the pastor and his family. This final excerpt from the address to a large Pastors’ Conference summarizes his last points.

A Layman Looks To His Pastor, part four

Depression is a natural ailment in the ministry. I have great compassion for this struggle. The nearer one gets to God the ore Satan fights. The sharpest arrows come to the most potent soldiers.

I have spoken to you about the pastoral responsibilities to the congregation. Encouraging you all is a primary responsibility of each congregant. Charles Spurgeon urged each member to include the pastor in daily prayer.

I was told a pastor’s wife once spoke to Mother Teresa when she was in Washington, DC. “What can I do to make a difference in my husband’s life and ministry?” The Sister with great compassion took the woman’s face between her gnarled hands and sweetly said to her, “Love your husband and children.”

Sometimes pastors just need enough encouragement to take the next step. Don’t you think we often need a pit stop more than a pep rally?

For good measure I am going to give you a 10th point:

10) I want my pastor to have a spirit of participating in the Body of Christ, not as an organization, but as an organism. I am a proponent of denominations because they decentralize power. A centralized church tends to become a political church. Control leads to ownership, not to stewardship.

However I want him to have fellowship with those who bear different denominational badges. I like the picture of heaven with John Wesley, John Calvin, Martin Luther gathered around a table sharing stories.

I don’t want my pastor creating tribal loyalties which exclude other faith traditions. When I hear Christian leaders criticizing others I like to ask, “Are they going to be in heaven?” Their positive response prompts me to say, “What right do you have to beat up on another member of the Body of Christ?” When there is legitimate need for doctrinal discussion in love we should try to be corrective, but not destructive.

Like the English priest who guided me through the Roman catacombs said, “My brother, it is not the form that separates us but the blessed hope of the resurrection which unites us.”

This list isn’t designed to create the “total pastor,” rather stimulate thought and conversation. I believe such conversation can contribute to a pastor’s finding accomplishment, meaning, and challenge enough for a lifetime of faithful ministry.

This week think about: 1) How can I encourage my pastor this week? 2) What would I add to Fred’s list? 3) As a pastor, what can I do to strengthen my congregation?

Words of Wisdom: “Sometimes pastors just need enough encouragement to take the next step.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For everything that was written in former times was written for our instruction, so that through endurance and through encouragement of the scriptures we may have hope.” (Romans 15:4 NET Bible)

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