Brenda’s Blog – January 12, 2021

“Fred, I am turning 80 and I want you to tell me what I need to be thinking about.”

Dad was completing his 80s as his friend Ed Yates asked that question. Their friendship of at least 50 years consisted of common interests, relationships, faith, and eagerness to learn. Neither stopped searching until their last breath – literally. Ed and Gloria were the last non-family members to visit with Dad before he began his transition to heaven. As 2020 was closing Ed completed his assignment and went home to Jesus.

His question serves as a prod for me, as well. What did Dad say?

1) Make longer plans. If you start operating short-term you are giving yourself permission to die. He and Mom bought carpeting in their 80s with a 25 year warranty. Don’t shortcut your goals.
2) Be clear about your uniqueness and be a taskmaster managing the use of your gifts. Don’t allow other people to spend your time or energy because both are diminishing resources.
3) Invest your time, don’t spend it. Choose carefully so that you receive dividends, not pile up debts.
4) Leaving a legacy, not an estate is a better aim.
5) Work to create a relationship with kids where they love you, but don’t need you. Don’t establish a golden chain that ties them to you through financial support that they can’t sustain independently.
6) Be grateful. When the time comes be “delightfully dependent,” not a miserable old man.
7) Don’t make a junkyard of your old age by making foolish decisions. Guard your heart and mind.
8) Mature spiritually. Getting old doesn’t automatically make you spiritual. In fact, illness and incapacity can war against spiritual peace. Deliberately grow in grace and being “useful to the Master.”

There were more, but these bear an indelible mark.

I think of those coming behind me who are stepping into the next decade. Wouldn’t it be good for us who are farther along to construct answers in case they ask: what do I need for my 50s, 60s 70s?

Brenda’s Blog – December 29, 2020

I laughed as I opened the new package of face masks. Across the front were the words: One Size Fits Most. I have items from bathrobes, socks, shower caps, and sweater coats which proudly boast “One size fits all.” The key is in defining fit, isn’t it?
A sock company has emerged with the sole purpose of differentiating sizes. “How can a size 9 adequately serve a size 11?” the ad asks. You are being underserved and your feet are paying the price for this gross generalization is the unspoken message. You deserve customized foot coverings.

As I thought about it the phrase took on broader applications. What about encouragement? What about love? One size definitely doesn’t fit all.

My dearly loved daughter in law is designed to see and appreciate details. To flippantly throw out “you did a good job,” or even “you look nice today” do not satisfy. They roll off without leaving a residue of encouragement. Knowing this I decided years ago to develop my ability to specifically speak words of hope and love. Out of this desire came the MMM (Monday Morning Message). Each week I send her an email expressing very focused ways I am grateful for her. By now they have become very newsy and chatty, but they started out as a way I could share my love for her in her language.

The outcome far exceeds the initial effort. My love and appreciation for her has grown into a deep and lasting friendship. Seeing her exceptional gifts for parenting, as well as loving my son, evoke profound emotions. If I had never tried very hard to find the size that fits her, I may have missed some precious exchanges.

I had a friend who always encouraged me to triage projects. There are some which only require “cheap and cheerful,” he would say. Every job doesn’t require the same amount of effort. He was saying, “Brenda, one size doesn’t fit all,” wasn’t he?

Reading the classic book on love languages taught me to explore the hearts of others, discovering the way they receive and acknowledge love. We aren’t all the same. When we find what translates, our interactions are more fruitful. We tend to assume our love language is the same for all – but we short circuit relationships with this faulty thinking.

“One size fits most” is certainly truth in advertising for face coverings, but misses the mark when uncovering human chemistry.

Brenda’s Blog – December 15, 2020

“Mom, this was a good day to be a good day, wasn’t it?”

My friend’s son summed up their family time at the lake as he went to bed. In his child’s way he expressed a profound truth.

We are completing a year when the definition of a good day has changed. Ordinarily it could easily be considered a successful in person business meeting, a large family gathering, a rousing dinner around a favorite restaurant’s round table. But new measures are now required. A productive ZOOM call, a facetime phone call, an almost hot carry out meal, or certainly a home delivery of groceries substitute for the personal interactions.

But shouldn’t we shift with the circumstances? Howard Hendricks, beloved and eminent professor at Dallas Theological Seminary was famous for his sharp, witty retorts. During one class a student attempted to explain away his poor performance, “But Prof, this was the best I could do under the circumstances.” Without batting an eye, Dr. Hendricks responded, “Sir, what are you doing under there?”
My generation prides itself on adaptability. We carry cell phones; we spend hours on social media (even if it is not the most current platform); we adapt to the newest “hacks” (which will always be known as shortcuts to me). We refuse to think of ourselves as old even though 80 is way closer than 70.

But the pandemic has made us climb under the circumstances. We talk about wanting life to go back to normal. We post nostalgic memes expressing the desire for life to be like it was in the 50s or 60s. The quickest way to get old is to step into cultural concrete.

David the Psalmist asked the Lord to allow him years to teach the next generation of His power, might, and goodness. What better way for us to show the reality of our faith than to exercise it fully during these not so good days? We have a sterling opportunity to speak loudly in words and actions for the adequacy of the Lord God. Let’s wake up to the privilege of telling those coming behind that today is a good day for a good day.

Brenda’s Blog – December 1, 2020

In 1990 a British comedy debuted on public television. It gathered an immediate audience who faithfully watches the reruns to this day.

One episode features Hyacinth conversing with her husband Richard as they await the arrival of the new Vicar and his wife. She bemoaned the fact that her roses didn’t climb as high as her social aspirations.

The dialogue has a great spiritual application:

Hyacinth: “Why are my roses not as large as the ones next door?”

Richard: “They’re a different variety, Hyacinth”

Hyacinth: “I don’t like our roses not being as big as those next door. I wanted the Vicar to be greeted by a blaze of petal glory. Are you neglecting them?”

Richard: “This variety only grows to this size.”

Hyacinth: “I am sure if you tried harder…”

The Spirit of God endows us all with gifts to be nurtured, pruned, and used to bless others. Sadly, we, like Hyacinth, look over the spiritual bushes and yearn for the seemingly larger gifts of others. We want to make a splash in the Christian world – we want to be seen as a blaze of petal glory.

But we grow according to our plan and our variety. The smaller roses of Richard’s garden fit perfectly into the limited space of their English garden. The proportion suited the situation. Likewise, we are perfectly designed to “bloom where we are planted” as the needlepoint pillows and kitchen wall plaques remind us.

God didn’t intend for us to try harder to be something we aren’t. He didn’t us to criticize or demean. He created us for a clear purpose and equipped us to bring His beauty and blessing with the aroma of His love and goodness.

Let’s not be staring across the hedge wanting to be someone else. Let’s thankfully blossom with the greatness of God and the benefits of His kindness. Let’s give up trying harder and focus on the perfection of the gifts He has chosen for us.

Brenda’s Blog – November 17, 2020

“Put on your mask – they won’t let you in without it.”

These words of admonition were mine as I dropped my 22 year old grandson off for his doctor’s appointment. Quite a normal instruction, isn’t it?

As I reread Steve Brown’s classic “Three Free Sins” he talked about the masks we wear. BOOM! My words to Andrew came spinning back into my mind. Culture is now reinforcing one of the governing principles of social interaction: we wear masks.

“How are you?” “Fine,” we automatically answer through the mask we wear. “How are the kids doing?” “Great,” we eagerly respond speaking through the mask which hides emotional hurt and concern.

I was in sales management for years. One of the standard training clichés was “fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, I often thought as I worked to develop success strategies “what if they never make it? Do they go on faking it?” I fear so.
A disturbed young woman recently said to me, “I am so tired of smiling, and being funny just to fit in – just to be accepted. I am just worn out.” Her mask was making marks on her soul.

We knew when mask wearing became “de rigueur” the marketing departments wouldn’t settle for generic, faux medical face coverings. It wasn’t long before bedazzled, sequined models arrived. Or, graphics which depicted gnarly expressions. Or, how about the “Jesus loves you” versions which serve to evangelize while hiding us? Aren’t we the same way? We don’t settle for simple versions but develop sophisticated strategies for distracting others from seeing us.

Interestingly enough, our eyes are still visible. My sweet Mom used to judge my well-being (and my moral integrity) by looking into my eyes. There were times I dreaded the all-knowing stare from my very perceptive parent. I laugh now as I remember her assessment of my physical health with just this one phrase “Your eyes look weak.” The masks still allow that peek into our souls, don’t they?

As we obediently don the coverings which make us socially acceptable may we refuse to hide who we are as beloved children of God. May we look into the eyes of others, see and love the imago dei.

Brenda’s Blog – November 3, 2020

“Just for a moment you looked like Grandmother.”

My son, daughter in law, and I sat on the deck beside a Minnesota lake eating lunch and thoroughly enjoy the beautiful Fall. As I chatted with my DIL my son watched the interaction then responded with his comment.

I received it with appreciation and gratitude for my Mom was a woman of kindness, and love. I hoped he was seeing that in my face. She encouraged others to grow, wanting them to be who God designed them to be. She prayed for us through the tough times and celebrated the victories.

Amy Grant sang of wanting others to see “Her Father’s Eyes” in her. She wanted people to see the love of God which sought to share compassion, encouragement, and support. She wanted others to know she desired to see the world through her Father’s eyes.

I once met a man who played the role of Jesus in his church’s annual Easter pageant. “The more my hair grew, and the longer my beard became, the greater the change occurred in my personality. I found myself thinking differently and wanting to be more like Jesus the more I looked like Him. It was an uncanny experience.”

Who do you want people to see as they look at you? Whose patterns have imprinted you and influence your decisions? What choices are you making that will one day be reflected in your face?

May our faces reflect wisdom, peace, and inspiration. May we show in our faces compassion and love reaching out to strengthen others. And may our faces smile because we are people of joy!

Brenda’s Blog – October 20, 2020

“Pilot Car: Follow Me”

I have a good friend who recently retired after a long career as an OTR driver. He said truckers say there are only two seasons for those who drive American interstates: winter and road construction. Both create problems and slow their progress.

An addition to his observation is rural East Texas where somehow money is always available to work and rework roads which seemingly have minimal traffic. I often suspect it is good for the local economy and for the results at election time.

Driving to Tyler this week I encountered one of those seasonal hazards – an extended line of construction trucks blocking us off.

As I obediently and fairly patiently waited in the one lane created by the road crew, I glanced at the lead car. The sign in very large letters emphatically instructed: Pilot Car: Follow Me.”

Of course my first reaction was “why do we need that? We can certainly drive the distance without a guide.”

Then, my “find a life principle everywhere” kicked in an I smiled to myself. Life is a construction zone, isn’t it? There are many roads closed down to one lane and obstacles obscure vision and safe travel.

Often we are frustrated by slow forward movement and seek ways to skirt around situations and decisions. Peace is nonexistent. Then I remember life has no true shortcuts – the struggle is real and authentic peace only comes through the trials, not by skipping them.

And help is available. We have wise counselors, life experience, and Biblical imperatives to pilot us as we avoid falling off the paved road and into the pitfalls. We have the hope of successfully traveling through the “slow down: construction zone ahead” and riding on the smooth pavement for a while.

Brenda’s Blog – October 6, 2020

“I am really proud of how it looks.”

My hairdresser always offers a mirror so I can see the back after a haircut. I always smile and decline. This time she said, “I wish you would look. I am really proud of how it looks.” Years of disappointing, even terrifying results reflected in the mirror taught me just to walk away without the “reveal.”

As I drove home I thought about an assessment process offered by Bill Hendricks and his Giftedness Center. To ascertain motivational drivers he asked me to write out at least twenty experiences with the one requirement: “times when you said to yourself ‘I really did that well.” It was important that these were times when I said to myself “you did a really good job.” It wasn’t to be when I received an award, got an “at-a-girl,” or was applauded. This was important because it made me delve into what I considered success – not how others defined it. He told me it could be a very small event, or perhaps an experience with sizable dimensions, but the measure was my assessment.

Think about this exercise and accept my challenge to seriously consider entering into such an exploration. When you complete your stories, look at them and uncover common threads…they will be there. They will introduce you to motivational patterns and drivers. You will identify times when you were proud of yourself.

You know what I found? I loved to have an idea, bring people together to make it happen, and then stamp “done” on it. Realization became a major driver for me. It taught me having an idea is great fun, but without the execution team I am left wandering around with unrealized ideas and dreams lying around the floor.

How blessed is my hairdresser to know when she is proud of her work. She didn’t wait for me to compliment the style, but boldly spoke out. How free she is!

The understanding of success begins with our awareness of those “I really did that well” moments and organizing our lives to include more activities which prompt that response.

Brenda’s Blog – September 8, 2020

“On the road again – making music with my friends.” – Willie Nelson

Quarantining, sequestering, isolating, sheltering – all synonyms for taking my car keys away.

For decades traveling the roads of America with four favorite wheels underneath me has brought opportunities for ministry, connection, and development. March, 2020 changed me from road warrior to home body.

In 2019 plans for an annual trip to The Cove (Billy Graham Training Center in Asheville, North Carolina) with friends highlighted the August 2020 calendar. Months passed and the probability of the trip dimmed. However, my intrepid, traveling spirit took charge and with great caution (a 10 day supply of masks and disinfectants) I drove from Texas into the great beyond.

Not only did I attend The Cove, but I added eight stops to visit friends unseen for years. We made music together: stories of God’s provision, protection, and promises. We laughed as we recalled long ago experiences and shared friendships. In the letter to Philemon Paul thanks him for being a refreshment. This verse reverberated over and over as I drove mile after mile. The refreshment of the Spirit poured over each visit.

I once was asked to write out a summary of my ideal job. I found the paper (I don’t throw anything away!) recently. “My perfect job would be to travel by car cross-country, encouraging other Christian friends in the truth of God and the power of the Spirit.” WOW! My Willie Nelson adventure in the throes of pandemic fleshed out this desire. I was on the road again and indeed was making the music of connection with my friends.

Your refreshment may not be a road trip, but look for those who bring life and hope to you, especially in these days. And consider how to brighten the spirits of others, helping them to make their own music.

Brenda’s Blog – August 25, 2020

“I did it and have the T-shirt to prove it!” I have heard this about jobs, parenting, athletic events, and even eating contests.
My closet is full of Tees from travels, most of them very old and way too small for me now. But I keep them because they remind me of great experiences.

My grandson lives on hand-me-downs and thrift store offerings. Consequently, he has tees from a variety of colleges, cities, and sporting events. Often he is asked if he is a graduate of the college whose shirt he is wearing. People just assume he is a student. But no – he is the recipient of someone else’s history.

How often do we adopt someone else’s story instead of creating our own? Isn’t it easier to borrow someone else’s credibility rather than earning our own?

How often do we take on the spiritual background of someone else without establishing our own? I once knew a man who as an adult was challenged by his mentor to “stop riding my spiritual coattails and get your own testimony.” He was wearing someone else’s t-shirt.

Sometimes I randomly glance through my shirts and pause to remember – moments of time travel. Some make me laugh while others bring a few minutes of reflection. But then I fold them, put them back in the closet and promise to do something with them “someday.”

I have a friend whose wife mistakenly used a beloved, but ratty, t-shirt as a cleaning cloth. He almost cried as he explained the significance of the concert tee from his glorious days of youth.

What do our shirts say about us? Volunteer efforts, jobs, travels, athletic pursuits, political affiliations, holidays, or maybe faith statements? We Americans live a t shirt life. Every once in a while perhaps we should take inventory and consider what they say about us, our beliefs, and our character.

We will always go on proclaiming our experiences to the world, bear advertising like living sign boards, and announce our proud loyalties, won’t we? Let’s just make sure they rightly express who we are.