Brenda’s Blog – June 30, 2020

“54 hours, 48 miles, 45 pound pack, 36 warrior stations, 29 team building exercises, 6 hours of sleep, and 2 meals.”

THAT is the outline of The Crucible, a final grueling element of Marine basic training. My grandson, Colby Hurd, underwent this severe test in order to move from Recruit Hurd to Marine Hurd. Family and friends all over the world lit a candle and prayed for his endurance, strength, protection, and faith. We came together on his behalf knowing he was going past what his mind allowed, pushing his body to extremes.

I will never be a Marine. I will never persevere such a trial. I will never experience pushing my body beyond any normal (for me) expectations. But in my life I have been in crucibles designed to take me out of my independence into dependence and reliance on God. I bet you have, too.

The crucible is a container for melting metal. Its name derived from the original shape of the bowls which were shaped like a cross. The Latin word for cross is crux.

We know in scripture we see the picture of the refiner’s fire. The process of clarifying metal is multiple exposure to high temperatures which causes the slag to rise and be pulled off. Time after time and heating after heating, this continues until all dross is removed. We have all heard sermons using this analogy in the walk of faith. We understand and identify with the experience, don’t we?

Spiritual maturity and growth occur as we lean on God in circumstances which are overwhelming. “Where can I go but to Jesus?” is the question asked during these crucible seasons.

I am proud of Colby for coming through. I hope he felt the prayers of hundreds who lifted him up for those hours. We are a community of faith who stand (and kneel) with each other as the fire heats up, and the demands increase. The crucible will come – may the Spirit of God bring us together supporting one another. And may we be thankful for a God who wants to refine and purify us.

Brenda’s Blog – June 16, 2020

“Spontaneous voices began singing the national anthem, celebrating health care workers.”

As I write this Italy is essentially shut down with people quarantined, hospitalized, and desperately ill with the COVID19 virus. Anxiety shows on faces throughout the world. Grocery stores feature empty shelves and customers load up on toilet paper!

Where darkness threatens to envelope, hope lights a match. This time it was a song.

An Italian street broke out in song as men, women, and children stood on balconies lifting up the national anthem. One after another window opened with heads popping out. The sound reverberated down the old stone-clad Italian street.

For a few minutes the isolation of quarantine disappeared. Neighborly encouragement spread organically. Then as medical professionals walked with weary steps back to the hospitals, the applause began. Soon, they were cheered on by grateful residents. Hope filled the air.

Right now we are living with uncertainty. We are told to self-quarantine and keep a significant social distance from others. The isolation can create anxiety leading to depression. What should be out response?

What song should we be singing? Who should we be encouraging? What spontaneous praise can erupt from deep in our souls?

There is a deep, natural aquafer where I live. It is ancient and free running. Hope and joy are very much like that. We can dip into the waters of renewal, sharing it with others during seasons of doubt.

We must stand on our balconies, loudly singing our songs, bringing light to the darkness and music to the silence of separation.

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Brenda’s Blog – June 2, 2020

“Why do we do this?”

The small girl in the restroom stood next to her Mom at the sink. “Wash your hands and put on sanitizer.” “Mommy, why do I do this?” “I don’t know – we just do, so go ahead and get it done.”

I smiled to myself, then thought — how many times in life do we act in an automatic way not really knowing why, just knowing we are to do.

When my siblings and I grew up we were familiar with ‘Because I said so.” The three of us were all strong willed, challenging Mom constantly. We knew, though, that the arguments stopped when she gave us “the look” followed by “Because I said so.” No more arguments.

Habits are essential to get us through each day without burning out our brains. Today we talk about “hacks” which are shortcuts… that is the role habits play. We don’t stop to wonder why – we just do. Unfortunately, this is a two-edged sword: we have good and bad habits which kick in without much concentration.

Dad had a colleague who attributed his success to good habits. His perspective on their use interested me. “I don’t use my habits for the days I want to work – that takes care of itself; I use my habits when I don’t want to work.”

Years ago I began reading the Psalms systematically: 1) the psalm with the number of the day 2) the psalm adding 30 each time e.g. Day 1 is Psalm 1 plus 31, 61, 91, 121. Then I read the Proverb of the day. During a dark season in my life I struggled with Bible reading until my habit kicked in. The habit established years before served me well until I could get back on my feet.

The little girl asked her Mom the “why” of washing her hands. She knew nothing about Coronavirus, but she knew this was something new. Mom didn’t really know why, but she knew it was what everyone said to do. Although it is good to have a rationale for our actions, sometimes we kick into habit and just do it.

Brenda’s Blog – May 19, 2020

Growing up in the cold war era of the 1950s, I learned the fine art of “ducking and covering.” In case you missed this, let me explain.

The United States established an agency known as Civil Defense to protect us from the effects of an atom bomb attack. School children rehearsed climbing under desks with their hands covering their heads. Children riding bikes were trained to jump quickly into covered areas – and again, ducking and covering. The trigger for these responses was simple: the sight of a giant light explosion in the sky reflecting the explosion of an atom bomb.

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But ask anyone in their late sixties, or definitely in their seventies. “Duck and cover” was a finely honed skill!

We now know by the time we see a bright flash in the heavens we are already vaporized. Putting a newspaper over your face would be your last earthly action.

Feeling in control is foundational to human nature. Acknowledging the helplessness of forecasting an atomic bomb drop created panic. SO…teaching us all, especially the children to take charge of our destiny made sense to a governmental agency. Don’t you wonder if they chuckled as they handed out yellow hardhats with the prominent CD logo emblazoned on them?

We haven’t changed a great deal. We look at our fears, creating methods to overtake them. We speak affirmations early in the morning to set us on our paths. We establish our own ritual of duck and cover to ward off the effects of potential failures.

Now, as in the 50s, there is only one fail-proof protection – The Lord God Almighty. As the hymnist says, “when morning gilds the skies, my heart awakened cries, ‘may Jesus Christ be praised.’” Yes, we use our wills to devise helpful disciplines, but we know where our ultimate trust lies.

Brenda’s Blog – May 5, 2020

“You haven’t changed one bit. You look just like you did years ago!”

It had been 16 years since I was together with this friend. At first blush these words cheered my aging heart (and ego), even though I knew she was wrong.

As the glow faded, the thought occurred to me, “Brenda, if I think about that seriously, it is an indictment. Have you changed since college? Do you have new interests, new skills, deeper knowledge, more wisdom?”

Sadly, I admitted I improved on skills already developed by age 20, deepened my interest in subjects already introduced in early life, and practiced habits created in my 30s. But am I a different woman, or simply a more experienced model of my younger self?

Then, I switched the direction. “Perhaps you set your life course early, establishing your core values at a young age.” I think there is truth in that. My Breakfast With Fred work requires me to read thousands of words written by my Dad throughout his life. One of my ah-ha’s has been the way his foundational thinking matured, but did not change over decades. At 30 he held beliefs expressed in his 80s.

So, then what is the conclusion? Being a more solid Brenda founded on a firm faith is a good thing. Failing to add new skills, new interests, and experiences is not. Allowing fear to keep me from joining in on uncomfortable activities (like learning new games, singing solos, zip-lining, snorkeling, or hiking mountains) leave me unchanged.

Growing requires pushing beyond known boundaries. Perhaps I can risk a bit and the next time I see her she will tell me “You look like you are having great fun in your old age!”

Brenda’s Blog – April 21, 2020

“Put your shovel down!”

My son in law’s business is 100% reliant on internet connections. They are located in a rural East Texas town without alternative lines or even backup systems.

Recently a road crew expanding a narrow roadway cut the fiber optic cable. Result? No service! Clients across the country immediately recognized the downtime. Everything came to a halt. This was not one of their better days.

In his frustration he wanted to go to the worksite and yell, “Put your shovel down!”

Those men working on the road repair had a contract to enable a safer highway. They did not awaken with the intent of shutting down the largest employer in the county. But one errant backhoe and life changed for everyone using those cables.

Yes, they should have instructions about the location of the critical utilities. Yes, a crew should have identified the area with nifty little flags. But in reality, the should haves don’t count. An ordinary day’s work turned into an extraordinarily bad day for everybody.

Can you remember times when you thought you were helping but were actually making a mess? How about that awful experience of wanting to be a problem solver yet creating more confusion? Aren’t they terrible? We shake our heads, wondering “Where did I go wrong?”

But before we get too embarrassed and disillusioned we need to give thanks for those we love (and love us) who understand where the sensitive areas are buried and plant red flags to avoid relational catastrophes. Before disaster they step in to say, “put your shovel down!”

Brenda’s Blog – April 7, 2020

I am an electric stove user – always have been and at this age will probably always will be. My female relatives all love gas because it is either on or off – period. They turn it off and the heat is off. My electric stove stays hot even when the power is off. I know I can turn off the burner and count on the residual heat to finish the cooking. However, if I turn it off too soon, the remaining heat is insufficient.

The blue light on my computer charger stays on for a short time after it is unplugged from the wall. Residual energy flows through the cable. It powers my device momentarily, but not enough to complete any work.

Thinking about residual energy sent me down one of my rabbit trails… how can this apply to other areas of my life?

1. Relationships – regular contact is necessary for the deeper relationships in our lives. Certainly, there are those that exist as Facebook friends, or even once yearly get togethers. But the heart connection comes with intentional time when the cable is plugged into the power source.

2. Skills – I play the piano. In growing up I was constantly reminded of the virtuoso’s comment: “When I miss one day of practice I know; two days and my critics know; three days and the whole world knows.” Coasting may get us by short term, but regular practice is required for mastery.

3. Development – I can cruise on things I read a month ago (or maybe even a year ago), but to stay fresh, I need to be challenging my mind daily. When I start repeating the same stories I know there is nothing new in the pipeline. The cord is unplugged and I am on residual energy. Dad used to ask me what I was excited about. Lifetime learning is a requisite for excitement.

4. God – perhaps the most important example for me is the spiritual temptation to unplug and think I can move forward. Manna was given for each day, not to be gathered and stored except over the Sabbath. What God is teaching isn’t like punching a ticket on Sunday and riding the bus for the next six days without paying. Spending time with Him is the essential Source of power.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize the signs of residual living. But inevitably, the evidence is clear – the direct, immediate connection to the power source is missing. The blue light may flicker for a short time, but ultimately the power is lost.

Brenda’s Blog – March 24, 2020

The news reports say, “Isolate… separate.” The Spirit of God says “gather, assemble, stand together.” We may be temporarily apart, but never alone. The presence of God is ever with us. As we pray, communicate, and encourage one another, we are the active, viable Body of Christ.

Our physical, earthly bodies may be quarantined, but the spiritual oneness through Jesus cannot be denied. Let’s stand one by one in the Spirit holding up the shield of faith to ward off the fiery darts of the evil one.

The old, old hymn says “No, never alone… He promised never to leave us, never to leave us alone.” We are One in Christ Jesus… we are brothers and sisters held strong in the bonds of love.

Be of good courage. Keep up the calls, texts, and messages. One day soon we will indeed greet each other face to face with a holy hug and kiss!

“The ceiling in Brenda’s main room is quite high and natural log – it is beautiful.”

I listened to Dad recount our field trip from Dallas to my new house in East Texas. His first comment about the house complimented the ceiling? How about the wood floors, the well-appointed kitchen, the spacious rooms in nearly 4,000 square feet? How could my always aware Dad comment on the ceiling?

This adventure occurred four weeks before his death. We loaded into the handicap van with him well-supported in his Barton Chair which was a combination of gurney and wheelchair. He endured the two and a half hour drive to see my next stop. The unspoken assumption was: “After Brenda is no longer a caregiver she will sell the Dallas house and move to the Piney Woods.” Neither of us ever voiced the words, but we each understood.

Our team of helpers helped me roll him in through the garage and into the main room. I positioned him in the “power corner” where he held court. Invited friends all took turns sharing stories, laughing, listening, gleaning wisdom, all the while knowing this would surely be an earthly goodbye-for-now. The Chair was positioned to give him as much comfort as possible while enabling him to rest which meant he remained for the most part in the gurney position. Unable to move around the house he maintained the same place for the sentimental journey afternoon.
Reflecting on the time as I listened to him on the phone the ah-ha happened. It hit me – that was what he saw. He was on his back looking up for most of the time. THAT WAS HIS PERSPECTIVE.

The Lord graciously kept my mouth shut. I didn’t rebuke him for the description of my new house. He was expressing the highest compliment – he was describing with great pleasure what he saw.

Perspective is personal; perspective is private; perspective is precious. How we view situations, people, or experiences flows through our own circumstances. To criticize another without considering all the facts is diminishing their value.

Understanding another’s perspective allows us to recognize their viewpoint. We may still wonder why a beautiful ceiling is their major point, but maybe we will stop and see through their eyes.

Brenda’s Blog – February 25, 2020

“Just try it… it is really good… really just try it.”

The chubby little boy in the breakfast room of the hotel earnestly urged his newspaper-reading Dad to take a spoonful of the yogurt. The child was on his third serving, so his recommendation was well founded.

The Dad looked over the paper, half-smiled, shook his head, and resumed reading his USA Today.

The boy loved every bite – and wanted to share it with his Dad.

I thought about the times in life when someone eagerly pulled me toward a most-loved activity of theirs… everything from piercing my ears, to zip lining. Needless to say, I responded much as the Dad. My ears are still without holes and racing down a wire high above the ground remains someone else’s dream.

Then I thought about the wonderful approach the son took. He found something that pleased him greatly, wanted to share the experience, and enthusiastically offered it. His energetic invitation made me want to go over and take a spoonful of his yogurt. He didn’t harangue; he didn’t knock the paper out of the Dad’s hands; he didn’t pout and create a scene – he merely enjoyed it so much all of us wanted to put some on our plates.

Finally, I thought about the Bible verse “O, taste and see that the Lord is good.” Isn’t that the way we share the good news of the Gospel? No Bible thumping, no shaming, no guilting – just an open, sincere invitation to experience the goodness of God. “He is really good – He really is… Just try Him.”