Brenda’s Blog – February 23, 2021

“Now I know my ABCs, don’t you sing along with me?”

The last line of the children’s song also defines much of how we live today. We shorten “by the way” to BTW, “laugh out loud” to LOL, and otherwise crude profanities to benign letters.

A response to reduced character space on text or twitter has become a natural element in our communication style. We shortcut, we edit, and we abbreviate. There is an acronym for every major commercial, and relational exchange.

My brain is wired to unwrap these often arcane letter combinations. Way before the practice became part of the social fabric I loved to guess what letters represented. A strange mental exercise, I know.

With the invention of the telegraph, communication changed drastically. Paying per word forced people to say more with less. The florid Victorian style of writing quickly died away replaced by punchy, well-devised phrases. Newspaper headlines told stories in short bursts with emotional impact. When the American public embraced modern Madison Avenue techniques “twenty-five words or less” became the standard for prize-winning entries.

This is perhaps efficient, but I wonder about the effectiveness. Could we be losing opportunities to fully express our love for one another with just an X and O? Is it possible our connection with others is short-circuited because we have no three letter solutions to problems?

The hymnist wrote: “O, for a thousand tongues to tell of my great redeemer’s love.” Lehman’s words thrill me even after more than 7 decades of singing them: “Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made, Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole Though stretched from sky to sky.”

Certainly there is a time for PTL, but what about time to extol the love of God with as many words and as much emotional depth we can deliver?

Brenda’s Blog – February 9, 2021

“Do the twenty, son, you will not be sorry.”

My twenty year old grandson joined the USMC after graduation from high school. From a very early age being a Marine was a dream. He planned and lived a life consistent with eligibility for service. I once asked him why he stayed away from the bad habits of many his age. His answer is permanently imprinted on my heart: “Those things might have been fun for a short time, but when I looked long term, I saw if I got involved in those things I would be disqualified from my goals, so I said no.”

Character counts!

During his Christmas Leave we had lunch together. While we ate, a woman walked up to the table and asked, “Are you in the Navy?” “The Marines,” he answered. “Congratulations! My husband and I retired from the Army. We chose to do our twenty and it was the best decision we could have made. So, do your twenty!”

It made me think about commitment. We live in a disposable culture. Expensive appliances are expected to wear out after 7-8 years; athletic shoes are rated for 12 months; computers are ancient if not replaced every 18 months. Sadly, relationships and jobs are often short to mid-term.

As the woman said there are definite benefits from extended time frames. Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill. There are 8760 hours in a year. Clearly, expertise requires time. As a new corporate officer, I sat in serious meetings with difficult outcomes. The senior officer handled complex issues with poise and insight. After several months I knocked on his office door and asked, “How do you know to handle situations so well? I want to be able to think through problems like you do and resolve them with clarity.” “Brenda, it is a matter of time. The details may be different, but after years of management experience I have seen every variation of the same problems, so I have learned how to resolve them.”

Time counts!

We lived in Southwestern Colorado and immediately involved ourselves in community activities. One day I asked a woman from a multi-generational ranching family, “Margaret, how long will we need to live here before we will be seen as locals?” Without batting an eye she replied, “At least 25-30 years.” No wonder we felt like outsiders after 12 months!
My grandson may not “do the twenty,” but I do believe he has the character to take the long view as he makes decisions. And even at my age I see the benefit of putting down roots in my community.

Time counts; character counts; and commitment counts.

Brenda’s Blog – January 26, 2021

“That deserves a T shirt.”

The man responded to a witty comment made by his lunch partner.

Good one, I thought.

In graduate school I had a professor who refused to wear clothing or drive a vehicle adorned with logos or signage. “I am not paid to be a walking advertisement.”

How things have changed since the 1970s!

Tee shirts are now highly prized space to flaunt social, religious, or commercial allegiances. Coming babies are announced with bold arrows on protruding abdomens; political affiliations leave no question as slogans spread across chests and backs.

What in your life deserves a tee? What wordless message do we transmit?

For whom are we serving as a sandwich board? Is it a good trade-off? Just a thought.

Brenda’s Blog – January 12, 2021

“Fred, I am turning 80 and I want you to tell me what I need to be thinking about.”

Dad was completing his 80s as his friend Ed Yates asked that question. Their friendship of at least 50 years consisted of common interests, relationships, faith, and eagerness to learn. Neither stopped searching until their last breath – literally. Ed and Gloria were the last non-family members to visit with Dad before he began his transition to heaven. As 2020 was closing Ed completed his assignment and went home to Jesus.

His question serves as a prod for me, as well. What did Dad say?

1) Make longer plans. If you start operating short-term you are giving yourself permission to die. He and Mom bought carpeting in their 80s with a 25 year warranty. Don’t shortcut your goals.
2) Be clear about your uniqueness and be a taskmaster managing the use of your gifts. Don’t allow other people to spend your time or energy because both are diminishing resources.
3) Invest your time, don’t spend it. Choose carefully so that you receive dividends, not pile up debts.
4) Leaving a legacy, not an estate is a better aim.
5) Work to create a relationship with kids where they love you, but don’t need you. Don’t establish a golden chain that ties them to you through financial support that they can’t sustain independently.
6) Be grateful. When the time comes be “delightfully dependent,” not a miserable old man.
7) Don’t make a junkyard of your old age by making foolish decisions. Guard your heart and mind.
8) Mature spiritually. Getting old doesn’t automatically make you spiritual. In fact, illness and incapacity can war against spiritual peace. Deliberately grow in grace and being “useful to the Master.”

There were more, but these bear an indelible mark.

I think of those coming behind me who are stepping into the next decade. Wouldn’t it be good for us who are farther along to construct answers in case they ask: what do I need for my 50s, 60s 70s?

Brenda’s Blog – December 29, 2020

I laughed as I opened the new package of face masks. Across the front were the words: One Size Fits Most. I have items from bathrobes, socks, shower caps, and sweater coats which proudly boast “One size fits all.” The key is in defining fit, isn’t it?
A sock company has emerged with the sole purpose of differentiating sizes. “How can a size 9 adequately serve a size 11?” the ad asks. You are being underserved and your feet are paying the price for this gross generalization is the unspoken message. You deserve customized foot coverings.

As I thought about it the phrase took on broader applications. What about encouragement? What about love? One size definitely doesn’t fit all.

My dearly loved daughter in law is designed to see and appreciate details. To flippantly throw out “you did a good job,” or even “you look nice today” do not satisfy. They roll off without leaving a residue of encouragement. Knowing this I decided years ago to develop my ability to specifically speak words of hope and love. Out of this desire came the MMM (Monday Morning Message). Each week I send her an email expressing very focused ways I am grateful for her. By now they have become very newsy and chatty, but they started out as a way I could share my love for her in her language.

The outcome far exceeds the initial effort. My love and appreciation for her has grown into a deep and lasting friendship. Seeing her exceptional gifts for parenting, as well as loving my son, evoke profound emotions. If I had never tried very hard to find the size that fits her, I may have missed some precious exchanges.

I had a friend who always encouraged me to triage projects. There are some which only require “cheap and cheerful,” he would say. Every job doesn’t require the same amount of effort. He was saying, “Brenda, one size doesn’t fit all,” wasn’t he?

Reading the classic book on love languages taught me to explore the hearts of others, discovering the way they receive and acknowledge love. We aren’t all the same. When we find what translates, our interactions are more fruitful. We tend to assume our love language is the same for all – but we short circuit relationships with this faulty thinking.

“One size fits most” is certainly truth in advertising for face coverings, but misses the mark when uncovering human chemistry.

Brenda’s Blog – December 15, 2020

“Mom, this was a good day to be a good day, wasn’t it?”

My friend’s son summed up their family time at the lake as he went to bed. In his child’s way he expressed a profound truth.

We are completing a year when the definition of a good day has changed. Ordinarily it could easily be considered a successful in person business meeting, a large family gathering, a rousing dinner around a favorite restaurant’s round table. But new measures are now required. A productive ZOOM call, a facetime phone call, an almost hot carry out meal, or certainly a home delivery of groceries substitute for the personal interactions.

But shouldn’t we shift with the circumstances? Howard Hendricks, beloved and eminent professor at Dallas Theological Seminary was famous for his sharp, witty retorts. During one class a student attempted to explain away his poor performance, “But Prof, this was the best I could do under the circumstances.” Without batting an eye, Dr. Hendricks responded, “Sir, what are you doing under there?”
My generation prides itself on adaptability. We carry cell phones; we spend hours on social media (even if it is not the most current platform); we adapt to the newest “hacks” (which will always be known as shortcuts to me). We refuse to think of ourselves as old even though 80 is way closer than 70.

But the pandemic has made us climb under the circumstances. We talk about wanting life to go back to normal. We post nostalgic memes expressing the desire for life to be like it was in the 50s or 60s. The quickest way to get old is to step into cultural concrete.

David the Psalmist asked the Lord to allow him years to teach the next generation of His power, might, and goodness. What better way for us to show the reality of our faith than to exercise it fully during these not so good days? We have a sterling opportunity to speak loudly in words and actions for the adequacy of the Lord God. Let’s wake up to the privilege of telling those coming behind that today is a good day for a good day.

Brenda’s Blog – December 1, 2020

In 1990 a British comedy debuted on public television. It gathered an immediate audience who faithfully watches the reruns to this day.

One episode features Hyacinth conversing with her husband Richard as they await the arrival of the new Vicar and his wife. She bemoaned the fact that her roses didn’t climb as high as her social aspirations.

The dialogue has a great spiritual application:

Hyacinth: “Why are my roses not as large as the ones next door?”

Richard: “They’re a different variety, Hyacinth”

Hyacinth: “I don’t like our roses not being as big as those next door. I wanted the Vicar to be greeted by a blaze of petal glory. Are you neglecting them?”

Richard: “This variety only grows to this size.”

Hyacinth: “I am sure if you tried harder…”

The Spirit of God endows us all with gifts to be nurtured, pruned, and used to bless others. Sadly, we, like Hyacinth, look over the spiritual bushes and yearn for the seemingly larger gifts of others. We want to make a splash in the Christian world – we want to be seen as a blaze of petal glory.

But we grow according to our plan and our variety. The smaller roses of Richard’s garden fit perfectly into the limited space of their English garden. The proportion suited the situation. Likewise, we are perfectly designed to “bloom where we are planted” as the needlepoint pillows and kitchen wall plaques remind us.

God didn’t intend for us to try harder to be something we aren’t. He didn’t us to criticize or demean. He created us for a clear purpose and equipped us to bring His beauty and blessing with the aroma of His love and goodness.

Let’s not be staring across the hedge wanting to be someone else. Let’s thankfully blossom with the greatness of God and the benefits of His kindness. Let’s give up trying harder and focus on the perfection of the gifts He has chosen for us.

Brenda’s Blog – November 17, 2020

“Put on your mask – they won’t let you in without it.”

These words of admonition were mine as I dropped my 22 year old grandson off for his doctor’s appointment. Quite a normal instruction, isn’t it?

As I reread Steve Brown’s classic “Three Free Sins” he talked about the masks we wear. BOOM! My words to Andrew came spinning back into my mind. Culture is now reinforcing one of the governing principles of social interaction: we wear masks.

“How are you?” “Fine,” we automatically answer through the mask we wear. “How are the kids doing?” “Great,” we eagerly respond speaking through the mask which hides emotional hurt and concern.

I was in sales management for years. One of the standard training clichés was “fake it ‘til you make it.” Well, I often thought as I worked to develop success strategies “what if they never make it? Do they go on faking it?” I fear so.
A disturbed young woman recently said to me, “I am so tired of smiling, and being funny just to fit in – just to be accepted. I am just worn out.” Her mask was making marks on her soul.

We knew when mask wearing became “de rigueur” the marketing departments wouldn’t settle for generic, faux medical face coverings. It wasn’t long before bedazzled, sequined models arrived. Or, graphics which depicted gnarly expressions. Or, how about the “Jesus loves you” versions which serve to evangelize while hiding us? Aren’t we the same way? We don’t settle for simple versions but develop sophisticated strategies for distracting others from seeing us.

Interestingly enough, our eyes are still visible. My sweet Mom used to judge my well-being (and my moral integrity) by looking into my eyes. There were times I dreaded the all-knowing stare from my very perceptive parent. I laugh now as I remember her assessment of my physical health with just this one phrase “Your eyes look weak.” The masks still allow that peek into our souls, don’t they?

As we obediently don the coverings which make us socially acceptable may we refuse to hide who we are as beloved children of God. May we look into the eyes of others, see and love the imago dei.

Brenda’s Blog – November 3, 2020

“Just for a moment you looked like Grandmother.”

My son, daughter in law, and I sat on the deck beside a Minnesota lake eating lunch and thoroughly enjoy the beautiful Fall. As I chatted with my DIL my son watched the interaction then responded with his comment.

I received it with appreciation and gratitude for my Mom was a woman of kindness, and love. I hoped he was seeing that in my face. She encouraged others to grow, wanting them to be who God designed them to be. She prayed for us through the tough times and celebrated the victories.

Amy Grant sang of wanting others to see “Her Father’s Eyes” in her. She wanted people to see the love of God which sought to share compassion, encouragement, and support. She wanted others to know she desired to see the world through her Father’s eyes.

I once met a man who played the role of Jesus in his church’s annual Easter pageant. “The more my hair grew, and the longer my beard became, the greater the change occurred in my personality. I found myself thinking differently and wanting to be more like Jesus the more I looked like Him. It was an uncanny experience.”

Who do you want people to see as they look at you? Whose patterns have imprinted you and influence your decisions? What choices are you making that will one day be reflected in your face?

May our faces reflect wisdom, peace, and inspiration. May we show in our faces compassion and love reaching out to strengthen others. And may our faces smile because we are people of joy!

Brenda’s Blog – October 20, 2020

“Pilot Car: Follow Me”

I have a good friend who recently retired after a long career as an OTR driver. He said truckers say there are only two seasons for those who drive American interstates: winter and road construction. Both create problems and slow their progress.

An addition to his observation is rural East Texas where somehow money is always available to work and rework roads which seemingly have minimal traffic. I often suspect it is good for the local economy and for the results at election time.

Driving to Tyler this week I encountered one of those seasonal hazards – an extended line of construction trucks blocking us off.

As I obediently and fairly patiently waited in the one lane created by the road crew, I glanced at the lead car. The sign in very large letters emphatically instructed: Pilot Car: Follow Me.”

Of course my first reaction was “why do we need that? We can certainly drive the distance without a guide.”

Then, my “find a life principle everywhere” kicked in an I smiled to myself. Life is a construction zone, isn’t it? There are many roads closed down to one lane and obstacles obscure vision and safe travel.

Often we are frustrated by slow forward movement and seek ways to skirt around situations and decisions. Peace is nonexistent. Then I remember life has no true shortcuts – the struggle is real and authentic peace only comes through the trials, not by skipping them.

And help is available. We have wise counselors, life experience, and Biblical imperatives to pilot us as we avoid falling off the paved road and into the pitfalls. We have the hope of successfully traveling through the “slow down: construction zone ahead” and riding on the smooth pavement for a while.