Brenda’s Blog – October 19, 2021

“Remember who you are, where you are from, and what you represent.”

Our parents adopted this phrase as a farewell admonition when we were children, especially our Mom. I can still see her standing at the door as we left for school (walking, of course, in those days!) smiling and speaking these words.

Years later they still ring true. They encapsulate a fundamental trio of principles which are critical to healthy living.

In trying to pass this on to my children I was amused by my son who asked innocently “Mom, what do we represent?” A profound query, isn’t it?

In today’s fluid, floundering world these three “remembrances” erect a foundation for stability.

Who you are – I am a child of God, daughter of the King who was created with purpose and intention. I have gifts to be used in the body of Christ and skills/talents which are to be used for the good of all. I am a woman designed to live out His plan for me. As a child I could always say “I am the daughter of Fred and Mary Alice Smith.” That spoke volumes about the expectations, responsibilities, and joys.

Where you are from – This usually had a geographical answer, but it was deeper than that. I was from a family who valued integrity, faith, and responsibility. I am from the heart of my parents with their hopes for me to be a productive woman. As I aged I could look at all my experiences, travels, and relationships with an eye to defining them as part of the answer. Every chapter of my book was illustrated with my “where I am from” stories.

What you represent – This one puzzled us as children. But as we grew it became the most important of the three. We represented our family, our faith, and our work. We strove for reputations that preceded us with pride and honor. We wanted to be thought of as men and women who cherished the right and stood for the true. We represent the Lord Jesus Christ and in addition, our country, our church, and our communities. We represent those who are interested in discovery, curious about life, and eager for adventures. We want to represent the grateful who seek to grow.

Think about your answers and perhaps consider challenging your friends and family to respond.

Brenda’s Blog – October 5, 2021

“I am a really good shopper. The grocery bill was only $5.85!”

In 1966 I was a newly wed finishing college and living with my husband in an $80/month apartment. On weekends we traveled thirty miles to my husband’s home where we did the week’s wash, ate his Mom’s tremendous meals, and did the weekly shopping at his Dad’s grocery store on the midwestern town’s square.

Getting home with bags of staples, fresh vegetables, and meat I proudly boasted about my shopping expertise. What an extraordinary gift I had for stretching our student budget.

Each week Grandpa would rush to the cash register when I completed the list and check me out. I loved seeing how expertly I managed our money.

One Saturday morning the store was particularly busy and he was tied up behind the meat counter. One of the friendly young women who worked up front stepped over and checked me out – much to my dismay! How in the world could a similar shopping list cost at least four times the ordinary Saturday amount?

It was literally years before it dawned on me Grandpa was the miracle worker on those Saturday shopping trips. I wasn’t superior – he was absorbing 3 out of 4 items in the cart. He humbly listened to my bragging without saying a critical word. He continued to give me his loving deep discount without criticism.

I was the receiver and beneficiary of his grace and generosity.

I don’t think I ever told him or thanked him.

Who has shown grace to you? Who has silently showered blessings on you? Consider those times when you were the recipient of another’s graciousness.

If a lightbulb goes off like it did for me, stop and thank the person right away. Then become the grace giver for another without a desire for repayment, or recognition.

If Grandpa were still alive I would so love to hug him in appreciation. He taught me a lesson over 50 years ago in Johnstown, Ohio. What a blessing!

Brenda’s Blog – September 21, 2021

“I wish I had known your Dad.”

We Smith children hear that a lot after people read Dad’s writings. His wisdom and principle-based thinking still impact people years after his death.

My answer is usually “If you know me or my siblings, then you do know Dad.” His influence permeates our thinking.

We have an excellent Biblical example in David and Solomon. They were both writers who expressed their belief systems – one in a lyrical format; the other in wisdom sayings. David’s Psalm 37:5 says “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” Solomon’s admonition in Proverbs 3:5-7 reflects the influence of his father: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge him. And he will make straight your paths.”

We hear the father in the voice of the son.

Have you ever said something and then immediately responded, “Oh, that sounds exactly like my Mom (or Dad)? We are profoundly marked by the lives of our parents, grandparents, and other significant adults during our upbringing. And now that we are the voices the younger ones hear, they are being imprinted by our words.

Who is within your sphere of influence? Who is absorbing your attitudes, your thinking, your belief system? What will their lives represent?

The Bible clearly instructs older ones to definitely speak to the younger ones about the nature of God – His faithfulness, His goodness, and His mighty works. We have our marching orders as elders to implant the truths of scripture, not backing away or neglecting our responsibility.

When somebody says to me, “That sounds just like your Dad,” I smile. My greatest hope is to sound like my heavenly Father.

Brenda’s Blog – September 7, 2021

Psychologists determined women speak 20,000 words a day while men use only 7,000.

One of the downsides of aging and living alone is the inability to use anywhere near 20,000. This week I had lunch with a dear friend. We started talking at noon and finally said goodbye at 4:30. Sharing and catching up went deeper and deeper.

We laughed about being in social situations, being asked a question, and completely “overtalking,” unable to stop. My brother in law retired as a therapist. He told me of a strategy he developed for women (like me) who find themselves turning into social chatterboxes. “When you realize you are dominating the conversation think W.A.I.T. = Why Am I Talking? This should help you put the brakes on and engage more appropriately.”

Steve Brown, of KeyLife Network, used Peter as an illustration in a recent sermon. His description tickled me. “Peter stood with Jesus, John, and Mark as Moses and Elijah appeared in person on the mountain. Where most would be speechless, not Peter. He didn’t know what to say, so HE SAID IT!”

An article by Rosario Butterfield on Christian hospitality made excellent points about building bridges with neighbors. “We all have strong beliefs and opinions, but we don’t have to say everything that is on our hearts.” Her story of coming to faith through neighbors’ kindness and hospitality emphasized the importance of measuring our words.

The same Peter who awkwardly fumbled through the miraculous appearing on the mountaintop later wrote to Jews who were driven from their home regions. “Be prepared always to give a reason for the hope that is in you.” But he didn’t advocate theological debates, finger-pointing, Bible-thumping behavior. No, he completed his thought by telling them the defense was to be with gentleness and grace.

In a world where overtalking and talking over are the conversational norms it is good to consider the value of appropriate and effective speech. Communicating with each other enables relationships to deepen, businesses to thrive, and church communities to grow. To do this we must hone our verbal skills, operating in truth and skill.

Brenda’s Blog – August 24, 2021

Because my neighborhood was near the Cooper Aerobics Center, and because I walked at 5AM each day, I became part of the route for dozens of runners.

Groups of men would pass. After a few weeks they began recognizing me and exchanging “good mornings.” I was in a very dark place; smiles and greetings didn’t come easily. The first mornings I shyly acknowledged their hello, but continued on my four mile route.

I started looking forward to the quick passes in the road. Gradually, I enthusiastically responded with a strong “GOOD MORNING!” It dawned on me that the return of the greeting 20 times each morning changed my perspective. Returning home to an empty house and an uncertain future was not nearly so frightening.

Then I started watching one group of four men. One man was particularly overweight, but worked so hard to stay up with his friends. After six months the physical change was noticeable and by 9 months he was slim as his fellow runners. I did not know their names and never stopped to speak, but I felt connected to them and exceedingly proud of their progress.

I sent a letter to the Cooper Center thanking them for the impact on my life. I mentioned watching the physical change over the months of the foursome and what it meant to me. I told them their faithful endurance brought me through a dark time.

One morning soon afterwards I walked past them. “Are you the one who sent the letter?” I nodded in assent and we all continued on our routes. “Thanks,” they called back.

A simple courtesy turned into a way of facing challenging days with hope and eagerness.

Are you in a difficult place? Try saying “good morning” a dozen times before dawn! And please don’t forget to greet our great Creator with a bold, out loud “GOOD MORNING, GOD!”

Brenda’s Blog – August 10, 2021

Basketball great Kobe Bryant had a brief conversation with the up and coming Devon Booker. The younger player hung on every word, and then asked the veteran player to sign his shoes. On one he wrote his name boldly. On the other he wrote these words: “Be Legendary.” Then he stopped to explain to the future Phoenix Suns star what that meant: “do everything it takes – do more of whatever is expected – do all that you have in you. You can only be legendary if you give it all you have.”

Those words took root in the soil of Booker’s soul energizing an already electric work ethic. He looks back on that exchange as a lifetime experience.

My Dad often inquired “Who first said, ‘I believe in you.’” When we began the leadership institutes named for him and founded on his principles of mentoring, networking, and persevering we incorporated that question into our presentations.

For thirteen years we spent intense time with institutions of Christian higher education. I never stopped being startled at the response. In every group there would be quite a few men and women who said no one to that time had ever said that to them. These were upper level campus leaders with distinguished records, yet they could not pinpoint a time when someone verbalized their faith and belief in them.

The power of specific encouragement cannot be overestimated. The strength of looking into someone’s eyes, listing positive qualities, and expressing firm belief can be life changing. This is not random “happy talk.” NO! This is getting to know someone, identify the nature of their character and talents, and then with sincerity pronouncing belief. This is as close to a blessing as you can get!

Who first said “I believe in you.” Who are you speaking life and future hope into?

We may not all be legendary, but we can all fulfill the gifts God has built into us. And we all long for the nurture of another’s belief.

Brenda’s Blog – July 27, 2021

George Orwell and Aldous Huxley are well-quoted these days for their prescient writings predicting a world and a worldview unlike our comfortable all-American lifestyle.

Interestingly enough, the first glimmers of “Big Brother” and “Animal Farm thinking” startled us. We vehemently protested the loss of privacy, freedoms, and personal liberties. We challenged those who espoused central control. That lasted for a while.

Slowly the older ones have moved out of leadership – and even moved on to their eternal resting place, taking with them their resistance to the new thinking. The younger generations are acclimated to a changing economic, moral, and political environment accepting the changes and consequences with much greater poise.

The other day I thought “we have moved from Orwell to Oh-well.” Acceptance of monitoring, limiting, and determining is more common. The recognition that privacy is an outdated, outmoded concept results in a shrug and sigh when one of us “older ones” argues for the rights of personal thoughts, property, and activities.

Central to this shift is the masterful use of crises. We eagerly give up our freedoms when faced with life threatening situations. Normally, we deal with stressful events by allowing them to resolve. Those who want control must constantly create fear in order to lubricate the process of liberty removal. The shelf life (or media cycle) of a normal event isn’t enough to throw us totally off guard. Instead, as one begins to wane another must take its place, keeping us off balance and even more willing to accept the unacceptable.

In times of disequilibrium Christians can pause to assess, evaluate, and remember “in times like these we have a Savior.” And in these very troubled times we have an “anchor which grips the solid rock” (Jesus Christ).

Brenda’s Blog – July 13, 2021

Archie Manning is the patriarch of the great Manning football family. In an ad for an outdoor grill he is shown conversing about the son’s love of grilling – even from his youth. And then it shifts to a commercial for a particular grill.

One of the great lines in the ad comes as the Dad smilingly remembers the son’s lifelong grill affection. “Remember what I always told you…” The son interrupts and completes Archie’s sentence, “I know, ‘do more of what you are born to do.” It certainly pleased the grill manufacturer to hear the Mannings include their product and activity in the list of “born to do” items.

My Dad used a paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16 as a life verse: “Take the gift that God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” Archie Manning would love that one!

Oceans of ink and acres of trees produce the resources for the incalculable words discussing “finding God’s will for your life.” Formula after formula surface promising the one and only key to the answer. Dad and Archie Manning both simplified the search: find your uniqueness and spend your life developing it.

It isn’t about uncovering the path to prosperity – it is totally about finding the gifts God has given you to further His purpose for you. We are connected to one another with service, stretching, and strengthening as the desired outcomes. Our gifts are tools to better accomplish His goals for us.

When do you feel most alive? What gives you the sense you are giving pleasure to God? What do others say you do better than most? How do you describe the joy derived from certain activities?

These are all questions leading to what you are “born to do.” You aren’t here as a space holder – you are a vital part of the human jigsaw puzzle – the picture is incomplete without your participation.

Find what you are born to do and then do lots and lots of it!

Brenda’s Blog – June 29, 2021

“Not my fault, not my fault!”

Three year old Jeff sat on the floor mumbling to himself. As I got closer I bent over to hear what he was saying: “Not my fault, not my fault!”

“Jeff, why are you saying that?” I asked. “I am practicing for when the girls (his two older sisters) blame me. As the youngest one, the girls often shifted blame to him. They ably put on innocent faces and pointed fingers at their little brother, thinking we would actually buy it!

That is a funny sibling story, but not so humorous when seen in adults. Sadly, our culture often rewards those who deftly avoid personal responsibility and slide past accountability. Mastering the art of dodging receives too much applause and too many accolades. Being slick is no longer shameful but worthy of high fives.

Let’s resolve to be people of integrity who “own up” instead of those who “double down.”

Brenda’s Blog – June 15, 2021

“Find out what you’re good at and do lots of it.”

Archie Manning, all-pro football player, and father of the Manning men of football fame is seen in a commercial reminding son Eli of this wisdom in an ad for barbeque grills.

The words have universal application, don’t they? A young woman selected as commencement speaker for her college class wrote of her career direction. “Everyone in my family were educators and all advised me to choose that major, so I did. But I just knew that wasn’t for me after a while. When I changed to digital media I found my fit and I look forward to years of developing my skills.”

She is going to certainly do lots of it!

My Dad constantly counseled people (young and old) to identify their uniqueness: their God-given design. Additionally, he advised developing strengths and bolstering weaknesses. Time and energy are valuable and fleeting resources. Wasting either on endeavors less than “what you are good at” is fruitless.

Bill Hendricks of The Giftedness Center in Dallas, Texas captures this principle succinctly and powerfully: “Focus on the called to, not the can do.” We live in a multi-tasking culture which lauds the driven. Women particularly buy into the whirling dervish lifestyle. But even brain science is now proving disjointed, distracted activities do not produce effective results. Fishing deep rather than jumping from place to place often produces a larger haul.

Identifying our uniqueness then committing to the systematic development is a worthy life goal.