Brenda’s Blog – April 8, 2025

“Several Old Testament characters lived too long.” Dr. Donald Campbell, President of Dallas Theological Seminary from 1986-1994 surprised the audience with these words. Clearly Dr. Campbell firmly believed our days are numbered by God, but his message was about living out those days with wisdom.

As he spoke I thought about words my Dad offered to a men’s retreat: “Guys, don’t make a junkyard of your old age.” That should have evoked a laugh, but these mid-life high achievers listened attentively as he described the pitfalls ahead. During the intervening years several men in that group traveled the road successfully while others sadly made a trash heap of family, work, and faith community.

“You have had every opportunity to get mixed up with all kinds of stuff during high school. What made you choose otherwise?” This question to one of my grandsons brought an answer I will never forget. “Gram, I set goals and I knew what I needed to do to achieve them. Partying and running around might be fun for just awhile, but then it could disqualify me for the things I wanted the most so I chose not to.” I was stunned – and deeply moved. How grateful to know he learned early the principle of wise living.

We have the privilege of living out our allotted time to bless others, grow in mind and spirit, and serve the Lord. I am now into my “octogenarian season.” The threats to finishing well still abound, but with God’s strength and courage I will not be one who lived too long. I encourage you to know the joy of living in wisdom and truth.

Brenda’s Blog – March 25, 2025

A friend is a retired therapist specializing in couples counseling. He told me of an unnamed, unidentified clients who came regularly for counseling. She was the one with all the input, opinions, and ideas about what would make their marriage work. At one point she talked about being disappointed in social situations because people seemed to greet her, visit a moment, and then move away. She was puzzled. My friend gave her an acronym: W. A.I.T. to use in social situations, as well as marriage. “What do you mean?” He calmly replied, “When you are in a group and it feels awkward, stop and think WAIT… Why Am I Talking? More times than not, you probably have over talked your time and others uncomfortably move away.

My son Jeff carpooled in kindergarten with a darling, outgoing neighborhood girl. One day I was driving and she was talking and talking and talking. At one point she stopped momentarily and Jeff said, “What’s the matter? Did the batteries in your mouth run down?” Nearly fifty years later I still laugh when I think about that time.

Someone facetiously said we were created with two ears and one mouth because that is exactly the proportion we should use as we engage with others. Mastering the fine art of listening enables us to communicate with a highly developed interpersonal skill. Scripture reminds us: “Let those who have ears, hear.” And in hearing, let us understand. Then in understanding, we can help one another travel the path to maturity.

Brenda’s Blog – March 11, 2025

“Don’t make the rookie mistake of thinking the play is over before It is.”

These words spoken by a commentator during the Super Bowl pregame show interested me. The panel went on to illustrate the principle. “He thought the play was whistled dead, so he stopped pursuing … and the opponent scored!”

I don’t play football, basketball – not even pickleball! So, how does a non-athlete apply this?

What about the times I thought the play was dead and walked away? I even thought about the times I pulled off the highway because the traffic backup looked impossible to navigate only to exit and find I quit right before the jam was broken and the traffic moved ahead.
Or college when my plans didn’t work out so I withdrew, and then found out a greatly desired opportunity was offered within hours of my official transfer. I thought I heard the whistle and stopped playing.

Over my 80 years I have ample examples. What comes to mind as you recall your own life experiences? How does the principle and your dreams/goals intersect? Are there times when you quit too soon?

What did those rookie football players learn? Never assume it is the end; never stop playing. As followers of Jesus we can use these opportunities to grow and help others. The Lord brings us through in order to use us for His plan and glory.

Maturity helps us avoid rookie mistakes. We learn to know when to play on.

Brenda’s Blog – February 25, 2025

“When I am 80 I will start cleaning out my house.”

I was 70 when I made that remark thinking 10 years was light years away. Now I am standing eyeball to eyeball with 81 and the house is still warmly filled top to bottom with a lifetime of mementos – and no empty spaces.

I remember pontificating on aging (before I was aged) about the principles of “growing older but never old” to use one of my Dad’s well-known phrases. How clear it was in my 60s. One of my points was the necessity to learn the “pleasure of purging.” What a laugh. My advice: always remember our kids don’t want our stuff, but need our stories. Doesn’t that sound easy? Even fun?

Now I look around and calculate whether I could possibly live long enough to empty shelves. More to the point – what will I do with all the memories stored on those shelves when the occupants are gone? It isn’t just stuff, is it? The moments they represent become the puzzle pieces of a full life.

Cleaning up and out is part of this transitional season… a necessary part. It is too easy to rearrange, form higher stacks, or ignore. How did I begin this yet unfinished task?

1) Set a date to start – probably not 10 years out. Then start.
2) Create a strategy – identify items of legacy importance, box up the “gathering dust” articles and place in the do without pile, ask for wisdom to gift items as memory-makers to friends or institutions.
3) Pray for patience, insight, discernment, and perseverance – there are many stops and starts.
4) Prepare for the joy of passing on stories, and yes, even some stuff. The gift of giving isn’t just about money, but about life lessons, Christian faith, wisdom, and encouragement.
5) Surprise yourself (and your family) as you hold lightly to a lifetime of accumulation, knowing what you have isn’t who you are.

Brenda’s Blog – February 11, 2025

A prominent cell service provider ran an advertising campaign with the tag line: “Can you hear me now?” The purpose was to address the problem of limited coverage and aggravating dropped calls. In the ads, one actor moves from place to place repeatedly voicing the familiar inquiry. It became part of the cultural linguistic vocabulary.

The art of effective questioning intrigues me. Sales training emphasizes the rules: ask open ended questions, never ask one with a simple yes or no answer, listen to the other person looking for conversational cues, and of course – be interested in the other person.

The confirmation hearings held by the US Senate this week brought that probing question to mind. However, the answer was quite different. There was very little (in fact, practically no) listening to evoke substantive answers. It was an exercise in noise and dominance. What a pity! This was an opportunity to probe experience and vision… to “take the measure of the man or woman.” However, hearing quickly became a misnomer for the event.

My Dad enjoyed a reputation for his expertise in asking questions which would lead to productive conversation. I always wanted to mine his expertise and perhaps develop this skill. “Talk to me about questions.” “Brenda, it is both an art and a science. Too many focus on the formulas and hone their science skills while ignoring the art.” “Dad, what is the key to asking a productive question?” “You simply ask a question the other person wants to answer.”

That really piqued my interest. I was sure the next words would change my life. “Well, you just do… that is the art.” Years have gone by since that brief exchange, but it stays with me. It becomes a mental exercise each time I am meeting new people or spending time with those I want to know better.

The goal of listening and hearing are critical for those who want to expand their expertise in asking questions which move relationships, open business opportunities, and further academic pursuits. Think: “ask a question they want to answer” and see what fun you can have. Listen and find out how much easier it is to be heard.

Brenda’s Blog – January 28, 2025

“It seems like I went to sleep and I was 79 – then I woke up, I was 80… and old!” My friend and I laughed as we drank coffee at our favorite café and talked about the realities of octogenarianism (if there is such a word).

We both traveled through our seventies with remarkable productivity, good health, and enjoyment. We loved hearing younger ones say, “When I am your age I want to be like you.”

But then came 80!

When he was 90 one of the outstanding business leaders in Dallas came to see my Dad. He sat down and said with great seriousness “Fred, many of my friends and I are turning 80. What should we be thinking about?” Mom and Dad lived with me in their final years on earth. I had the privilege of overhearing many conversations like this one. I was just a short way over the 60 year mark and 80 seemed so very far away.

But time telescoped and now this question looms large before me. But not just for me, but for many of my women friends. 1944 produced outstanding females. Now casual conversations turn to musings about the changes that surprisingly occur… many (probably most) unwelcome. We recognize the permanent nature of the aches, stiffness, brain fog, and eagerness for others to treat us as old. Chats about bathroom habits, and gut patterns are normalized. We also acknowledge the value of our experiences and appreciate opportunities to listen and encourage.

We are women who pioneered the female leadership model. We demonstrated the versatility and vibrancy needed to be women of excellence. We are not ready to accept “elderly” and quit. We are prepared to understand what’s ahead, create a strategy, gather support, and step out. THUS “Chicks in Transition.”

We are forming a coffee club of octogenarians who strengthen one another through asking the questions, recognizing we are not alone, praying, and laughing with each other knowingly. We are determined to transition well! We are going to take on this decade with grace – and grit.

Brenda’s Blog – January 14, 2025

“We were told our house was safe, so don’t worry. Within ten minutes the flames surrounded our house.” The tearful woman stood with her son packing to seek safety as they evacuated.

The California fires raged! Homes burned to the ground and thousands of lives were changed forever.

I watched the devastation and thought about other fires… emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual. I also remembered hearing, “You are strong; you are fine; don’t overthink this.” Then in a seeming moment I experienced the effects of the overwhelming flames.

The news spoke of people grabbing their prepared “go bags” with critical items. The thought “what would you take if you had to quickly evacuate?” comes to mind. People, papers, pictures, and precious items always top the list. But how about go bag preparation for other crises? What needs to be done in case of a physical disease? A retirement plan depletion? A divorce? How do we create a structure to handle these fires?

The primary item in our bag must be faith. The Bible tells us when we follow Jesus we are never alone. Memorizing scripture and keeping it “on the ready” is essential. Spending time before the flames start licking at our life means putting down deep roots.

My Dad always thought through possible experiences – even when they would probably never occur. He and I disagreed on the efficacy of this strategy, but as I aged I began seeing the wisdom. “Brenda, I never want to be surprised, panic, and get paralyzed. If I think it through ahead of time and construct the way to handle it, I can take clear action.” Without living with a doom and gloom attitude, mental and emotional preparation gives stability.

The Bible says, “when you suffer,” not “if you suffer.” It will come. Make sure your go bag is prepared and ready for easy access.

Brenda’s Blog – December 31, 2024

“For me, it’s about believing in something trusting the process, and praying for the grace to overcome adversity.” Chris Schmidt, Dean of Students at Lindsey Wilson College.

In October, 2024 Chris Schmidt completed the BIG Kona Ironman Championship in Hawaii. His wife, Rebecca, posted notes and photos during the body and mind challenge. Thirteen years ago our Breakfast with Fred Leadership Institute team joined with Lindsey Wilson College, creating a relationship which still flourishes. His story of discipline, leadership, faith, and focus influences students nationwide.

Following him reminded me of an experience in the early 2000s. I met a local dentist who just returned from Kona where he completed the Ironman. He relived the experience as we talked. The narrative drew to a close as he described the last miles of the run carrying him to the finish line. He was emotional as both his mind and body time-traveled back.

When he drew the scene I literally was there as he spoke… “Keep on Joe Johnson; You can make it Joe Johnson; You have the strength to make it Joe Johnson.” I asked, “How did they know your name?” “The paper lists all the participants with their names, and numbers. As we travel the route, people are lined up with the paper shouting out personal encouragement.”

“In those last hours hearing the shouts kept me going.”

Very few of us will ever swim 2.4 ocean miles; ride 112 miles on a bike; or run 26.22 miles – one trial after another. It is a total of 140.6 miles. But ALL of us can participate in the crowds on the sidelines who cheer others on. We never know when someone is barely hanging on with cramps, mental distress, or near physical collapse. Our words of encouragement may make the difference.

Today, think of someone bravely running a challenging race and bring them in prayer before the Father. Be part of the “great cloud of witnesses” who supports others.

Brenda’s Blog – December 17, 2024

“Calgon, take me away” pleads the harried Mom, the overworked career woman, or the overwhelmed teacher. In the next frame, you see each of them immersed in a bathtub of bubbles with a giant “AHHHH!” on each face as the world fades away in their euphoria of Calgon bath products.

We all have seasons of stress. My friend the CPA takes her first full breath on April 16th, and again on October 16th (for all of her clients like me who file extensions). The pressure of deadlines, penalties, and fees hangs over her. Over her desk hangs a highly decorated frame containing a parchment affirming her as a Certified Public Accountant. Years of preparation, decades of experience – and seasons of stress each year.

A message recently from the Breakfast With Fred communications director changed my easy life rhythm to one of “get up and get going – NOW!” The content deadline for our website, blogs, and institutional prayer network slipped by me creating a need for 16 writing projects to be delivered in four days. Season of stress? You bet! Longingly remembering the dreamy faces on those Calgon ads? YEP!
But then I remembered wise counsel from my Dad… “Brenda, just start!” He knew me so well.

Where is your stress? Where and when do you yearn for the bubble bath? Use the hope as a reward. Think of the luxurious lounging in the bathtub as you face the stressor head on with determination.

Just start! And trust in God’s tailwind – He will propel you to faithfully complete your task.

Brenda’s Blog – December 3, 2024

“There are some trees that grow well and then develop eccentricities at the height of their growth. There are some people who do the same.” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle through the character of Sherlock Holmes.

I live in the Piney Woods of East Texas. Giant pine trees, often 50-75 feet tall look healthy and robust. Too often storms take one down and we are surprised to see the vibrant tree is nearly devoid of a central core. The only evidence of life is external. At some point in the development it stopped properly maturing.

I was in a Sunday School class taught by former President of Dallas Theological Seminary Dr. Donald Campbell. In teaching through 1 and 2 Kings he described one of the ancient monarchs who ruined his last years through sinful behavior. Dr. Campbell commented, “This king lived too long.” Isn’t that a pitiful commentary?

One of the most popular phrases among Christians is “finishing well.” We desire to use every day well honoring God and bringing glory to Jesus Christ. As we take our last breath we want our families and friends to gather around in gratitude for a life that served the Lord.

Sadly we see too often men and women who appear to grow well, then “develop eccentricities at the height of their growth” in Doyle’s observation he gave to Sherlock. We need to be arborists who watch over our own development, pruning regularly, and understanding the principles of soul care. We want to have others celebrate our home going, not bemoan the fact that we outlived our values and made a junkyard of our old age.