Brenda’s Blog – February 11, 2025

A prominent cell service provider ran an advertising campaign with the tag line: “Can you hear me now?” The purpose was to address the problem of limited coverage and aggravating dropped calls. In the ads, one actor moves from place to place repeatedly voicing the familiar inquiry. It became part of the cultural linguistic vocabulary.

The art of effective questioning intrigues me. Sales training emphasizes the rules: ask open ended questions, never ask one with a simple yes or no answer, listen to the other person looking for conversational cues, and of course – be interested in the other person.

The confirmation hearings held by the US Senate this week brought that probing question to mind. However, the answer was quite different. There was very little (in fact, practically no) listening to evoke substantive answers. It was an exercise in noise and dominance. What a pity! This was an opportunity to probe experience and vision… to “take the measure of the man or woman.” However, hearing quickly became a misnomer for the event.

My Dad enjoyed a reputation for his expertise in asking questions which would lead to productive conversation. I always wanted to mine his expertise and perhaps develop this skill. “Talk to me about questions.” “Brenda, it is both an art and a science. Too many focus on the formulas and hone their science skills while ignoring the art.” “Dad, what is the key to asking a productive question?” “You simply ask a question the other person wants to answer.”

That really piqued my interest. I was sure the next words would change my life. “Well, you just do… that is the art.” Years have gone by since that brief exchange, but it stays with me. It becomes a mental exercise each time I am meeting new people or spending time with those I want to know better.

The goal of listening and hearing are critical for those who want to expand their expertise in asking questions which move relationships, open business opportunities, and further academic pursuits. Think: “ask a question they want to answer” and see what fun you can have. Listen and find out how much easier it is to be heard.

Brenda’s Blog – January 28, 2025

“It seems like I went to sleep and I was 79 – then I woke up, I was 80… and old!” My friend and I laughed as we drank coffee at our favorite café and talked about the realities of octogenarianism (if there is such a word).

We both traveled through our seventies with remarkable productivity, good health, and enjoyment. We loved hearing younger ones say, “When I am your age I want to be like you.”

But then came 80!

When he was 90 one of the outstanding business leaders in Dallas came to see my Dad. He sat down and said with great seriousness “Fred, many of my friends and I are turning 80. What should we be thinking about?” Mom and Dad lived with me in their final years on earth. I had the privilege of overhearing many conversations like this one. I was just a short way over the 60 year mark and 80 seemed so very far away.

But time telescoped and now this question looms large before me. But not just for me, but for many of my women friends. 1944 produced outstanding females. Now casual conversations turn to musings about the changes that surprisingly occur… many (probably most) unwelcome. We recognize the permanent nature of the aches, stiffness, brain fog, and eagerness for others to treat us as old. Chats about bathroom habits, and gut patterns are normalized. We also acknowledge the value of our experiences and appreciate opportunities to listen and encourage.

We are women who pioneered the female leadership model. We demonstrated the versatility and vibrancy needed to be women of excellence. We are not ready to accept “elderly” and quit. We are prepared to understand what’s ahead, create a strategy, gather support, and step out. THUS “Chicks in Transition.”

We are forming a coffee club of octogenarians who strengthen one another through asking the questions, recognizing we are not alone, praying, and laughing with each other knowingly. We are determined to transition well! We are going to take on this decade with grace – and grit.

Brenda’s Blog – January 14, 2025

“We were told our house was safe, so don’t worry. Within ten minutes the flames surrounded our house.” The tearful woman stood with her son packing to seek safety as they evacuated.

The California fires raged! Homes burned to the ground and thousands of lives were changed forever.

I watched the devastation and thought about other fires… emotional, financial, physical, and spiritual. I also remembered hearing, “You are strong; you are fine; don’t overthink this.” Then in a seeming moment I experienced the effects of the overwhelming flames.

The news spoke of people grabbing their prepared “go bags” with critical items. The thought “what would you take if you had to quickly evacuate?” comes to mind. People, papers, pictures, and precious items always top the list. But how about go bag preparation for other crises? What needs to be done in case of a physical disease? A retirement plan depletion? A divorce? How do we create a structure to handle these fires?

The primary item in our bag must be faith. The Bible tells us when we follow Jesus we are never alone. Memorizing scripture and keeping it “on the ready” is essential. Spending time before the flames start licking at our life means putting down deep roots.

My Dad always thought through possible experiences – even when they would probably never occur. He and I disagreed on the efficacy of this strategy, but as I aged I began seeing the wisdom. “Brenda, I never want to be surprised, panic, and get paralyzed. If I think it through ahead of time and construct the way to handle it, I can take clear action.” Without living with a doom and gloom attitude, mental and emotional preparation gives stability.

The Bible says, “when you suffer,” not “if you suffer.” It will come. Make sure your go bag is prepared and ready for easy access.

Brenda’s Blog – December 31, 2024

“For me, it’s about believing in something trusting the process, and praying for the grace to overcome adversity.” Chris Schmidt, Dean of Students at Lindsey Wilson College.

In October, 2024 Chris Schmidt completed the BIG Kona Ironman Championship in Hawaii. His wife, Rebecca, posted notes and photos during the body and mind challenge. Thirteen years ago our Breakfast with Fred Leadership Institute team joined with Lindsey Wilson College, creating a relationship which still flourishes. His story of discipline, leadership, faith, and focus influences students nationwide.

Following him reminded me of an experience in the early 2000s. I met a local dentist who just returned from Kona where he completed the Ironman. He relived the experience as we talked. The narrative drew to a close as he described the last miles of the run carrying him to the finish line. He was emotional as both his mind and body time-traveled back.

When he drew the scene I literally was there as he spoke… “Keep on Joe Johnson; You can make it Joe Johnson; You have the strength to make it Joe Johnson.” I asked, “How did they know your name?” “The paper lists all the participants with their names, and numbers. As we travel the route, people are lined up with the paper shouting out personal encouragement.”

“In those last hours hearing the shouts kept me going.”

Very few of us will ever swim 2.4 ocean miles; ride 112 miles on a bike; or run 26.22 miles – one trial after another. It is a total of 140.6 miles. But ALL of us can participate in the crowds on the sidelines who cheer others on. We never know when someone is barely hanging on with cramps, mental distress, or near physical collapse. Our words of encouragement may make the difference.

Today, think of someone bravely running a challenging race and bring them in prayer before the Father. Be part of the “great cloud of witnesses” who supports others.

Brenda’s Blog – December 17, 2024

“Calgon, take me away” pleads the harried Mom, the overworked career woman, or the overwhelmed teacher. In the next frame, you see each of them immersed in a bathtub of bubbles with a giant “AHHHH!” on each face as the world fades away in their euphoria of Calgon bath products.

We all have seasons of stress. My friend the CPA takes her first full breath on April 16th, and again on October 16th (for all of her clients like me who file extensions). The pressure of deadlines, penalties, and fees hangs over her. Over her desk hangs a highly decorated frame containing a parchment affirming her as a Certified Public Accountant. Years of preparation, decades of experience – and seasons of stress each year.

A message recently from the Breakfast With Fred communications director changed my easy life rhythm to one of “get up and get going – NOW!” The content deadline for our website, blogs, and institutional prayer network slipped by me creating a need for 16 writing projects to be delivered in four days. Season of stress? You bet! Longingly remembering the dreamy faces on those Calgon ads? YEP!
But then I remembered wise counsel from my Dad… “Brenda, just start!” He knew me so well.

Where is your stress? Where and when do you yearn for the bubble bath? Use the hope as a reward. Think of the luxurious lounging in the bathtub as you face the stressor head on with determination.

Just start! And trust in God’s tailwind – He will propel you to faithfully complete your task.

Brenda’s Blog – December 3, 2024

“There are some trees that grow well and then develop eccentricities at the height of their growth. There are some people who do the same.” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle through the character of Sherlock Holmes.

I live in the Piney Woods of East Texas. Giant pine trees, often 50-75 feet tall look healthy and robust. Too often storms take one down and we are surprised to see the vibrant tree is nearly devoid of a central core. The only evidence of life is external. At some point in the development it stopped properly maturing.

I was in a Sunday School class taught by former President of Dallas Theological Seminary Dr. Donald Campbell. In teaching through 1 and 2 Kings he described one of the ancient monarchs who ruined his last years through sinful behavior. Dr. Campbell commented, “This king lived too long.” Isn’t that a pitiful commentary?

One of the most popular phrases among Christians is “finishing well.” We desire to use every day well honoring God and bringing glory to Jesus Christ. As we take our last breath we want our families and friends to gather around in gratitude for a life that served the Lord.

Sadly we see too often men and women who appear to grow well, then “develop eccentricities at the height of their growth” in Doyle’s observation he gave to Sherlock. We need to be arborists who watch over our own development, pruning regularly, and understanding the principles of soul care. We want to have others celebrate our home going, not bemoan the fact that we outlived our values and made a junkyard of our old age.

Brenda’s Blog – November 19, 2024

“The 1000 underground missiles were already “at the ready.” They held the power to destroy civilization but were meant as a deterrent to preserve peace.”

The brochure put into a few words the heartbeat of the Cold War. As a child of the 50s and teenager of the 60’s the threat of nuclear war was a constant. In elementary school we learned to hide under our desks with hands covering our heads if the “A Bombs” ever went off. No one ever bothered to explain the absolute absurdity of this practice. Or, as we went into junior high we practiced protection by huddling together in the hallways by our lockers – a sure defense!

Knowing that numberless missiles still resided beneath our feet at the Minuteman Missile facility “gave one pause.” I am not sure the safety they promised hadn’t passed its “use by” date.

Of course, then I had to think about the spiritual analogies and illustrations… You know me!

What missiles are hidden within my mind planted to protect me from hurt? What sharp retorts are able to shatter another who threatens to hurt? Even where are the school desks where I hide from rejection and attack? And of course, how often do I cover my head and duck when life gets tense?

Just as the missiles seem outmoded, so do my own personal defense systems. Our country declares us safer when we can show “peace through strength.” I often fool myself into thinking that the walls I build between myself and others shows strength, when it only shows immaturity and immunity from growth.

I guess the missiles will stay in the ground on the plains of South Dakota awaiting the buzzer which sends them on a programmed mission of destruction. Hopefully, I will excavate mine and enjoy a walk without dreading the emotional explosion.

Brenda’s Blog – November 5, 2024

“These four Presidents represent four major themes in American life” – National Park Service

In the Black Hills of South Dakota an astounding sculpture rises from Mount Rushmore. For nearly 25 years a sculptor worked with a team of specialists, applied technology, and tried to avoid political storms to leave us the largest carving of its type in the United States.

He chose four Presidents: Washington, whose military leadership gave the colonies victory and was the father of the country; Jefferson for his vision in writing the Declaration of Independence and negotiating the Louisiana thus growing this country; Theodore Roosevelt as a Rough Rider, “Trust Buster,” and advocate for environmental health and responsible for the development of the country; finally, Abraham Lincoln for his term of office which focused on the preservation of the United States.

Founding, growing, developing, and preserving – these are the four representations on Mount Rushmore.

As I quietly stood on a clear blue September morning I was moved by the majesty of the mountain. The reality of its significance kept me absolutely still.

Then I began thinking: “What would represent the key eras in my life? What would be the monumental moments during my 80 years? Who would be carved into the mountain of my life?

My Dad determined 8 characteristics he wanted in his life, and identified eight men who reflected a specific virtue. He then wrote them, asking for an 8×10 “head shot.” He framed them all, hung them on his office wall. At the top of the portraits he hung a portrait of Jesus, and a mirror on the bottom.

I look back through the years recognizing teachers, women church mentors, business associates, and loving friends who have spoken into my life at crucial turning points. And of course, at the top of the list would be Mom and Dad, my siblings, and my children.

How about stopping for a cup of coffee (or in my case, tea) and picking up your imaginary sculptor’s tools to carve out your own Mount of Remembrance?

Brenda’s Blog – October 22, 2024

Before traveling for over four thousand miles in the next month I went to my local auto shop to make sure my faithful “Red Ryder” GMC Terrain is all set. I carried enough work to make me productive during the wait. I also showed up to be in line for number one in their “first come, first served” system. Before the door opened for business my smiling face was at their front door. I knew there would be a wait, so I prepared. Sadly, I left my mid-morning snack in the car, so my stomach growled a bit!

Over an hour after opening, an older lady came flying through the door, running straight up to the service counter. “I called and you said if I got here early I could get my oil changed right away.” “Yes, but there are several ahead of you, so if you will sit down and wait we will get right to you.” But I need my oil changed right away – and this IS early for me!” Everyone in the waiting room did a synchronized eye roll.

It made me think of the phrase “high maintenance.” My car was receiving personal attention making sure all its “bodily fluids” were full before I hit the road. It didn’t demand attention — the horn didn’t honk, nor do the windows fly up and down.
On the other hand, when people are high maintenance they interfere with the natural order of things. They consider themselves first priority. They honk and honk!

She marched around the waiting room complaining about the way she was treated. “I can go to Walmart and get waited on right away – I can go to Big Sandy and get the oil changed in 10 minutes.” Her song had verse after verse, but the chorus was always the same “I am special; I am worthy of being put at the front of the line.”

She told everyone her life story, emphasizing what her life had been… yes, had been. She talked of being married, driving a Mercedes, living in a big house, owning a plane, and wearing fine clothes. Then she said “I don’t need any of that. My kids live in California, have lots of money, and have happy lives so I am just fine in my trailer and vehicle.” The service manager told her two of her tires were bald, and there were several other needed repairs. She totally ignored him, and walked out to her 17 year old SUV.

Sometimes high maintenance is a cry for help. Sometimes we need to step behind the demands and see the need. Our Father God calls us to see Him in everyone we meet showing the love of Jesus.

Brenda’s Blog – October 8, 2024

Jeb Stuart, officer in the Confederate Army, signed his correspondence to General Robert E. Lee “Yours To Count On.” During one of my Dad’s serious hospitalizations my niece Catherine came to visit and taped a sign to the wall with these four letters: YTCO. Dad understood immediately what she was saying: “We are with you Grandfather; we are standing by and praying; we love you.”

The comfort, confidence, and faithfulness of another is a rare privilege. “I’ve got your back” is an idiomatic way of rephrasing Stuart’s heartfelt sentiment. But so often the things in which we put our trust prove themselves to be lacking. We trust jobs, people, ban accounts and even our own abilities. So often they falter and we fall.

Perhaps we have placed our ladder against the wrong wall, as the old adage goes. Perhaps our faith is in a rock that crumbles instead of the Rock that conquers. In what are you placing your faith today? In what are you depending? As Dr. Phil says, “How’s it working for you?”

In my book Divine Confinement I wrote that the foundation of any faith walk is dependence on God. I believe that, but I struggle daily to work it out in my life. Depending on false gods squeezes down the space in my heart for the one true God. But I dearly want to depend on Him. Where is your struggle? What is forcing Him out of total and true reign?

Steadfastness is a biblical virtue but unswerving allegiance to anything other than the Son of God is idolatry. Jeb Stuart’s oath of fealty is the best that one human can offer another, but it falls far short of truly counting on Jesus. When we depend on the world to steady our boat we will be disappointed. When we attach our lifeline to Jesus we have the life He promised.