Brenda’s Blog – June 14, 2022

Driving to church I prayed as usual for a family member who is in the “far country.” I asked, “Could this be the day?” I had a specific outcome in mind, but then I paused and thought how many times and how many people could ask that same question.

Could this be the day: Marriages are healed; Families are restored; Health returns; Hearts are reformed; Hope is reignited; Courage is displayed; Truth is proclaimed.

Then I thought of even more crucial ones. Could this be the day Jesus returns; America repents and turns back to God; or the Gospel is preached in power with men and women responding and lives are changed.

What would you answer if you asked “could this be the day?” There certainly are some nitty gritty ones like solving work problems, finding gas or baby formula, affording housing, and receiving a long awaited job offer.

Today is the gift of God. We are offered the opportunity to express our giftedness, our hopefulness, and our receptivity to life’s broad experiences. Each one may not be stellar, but each one is sacred. And as we awaken we can sincerely ask “Could this be the day?” confident that God knows – YAY!

Brenda’s Blog – May 31, 2022

“Leaders ask the right questions.”

My friend Bob Tiede comes armed with questions whether it is a high level leadership meeting or a birthday greeting on Facebook. His website (www.leadingwithquestions.com)and books highlight the highly developed skill of questioning.

My Dad mastered questioning knowing it was both art and science. Knowing how powerfully he used queries I asked him to coach me in this leadership strategy. “Brenda, it is simple. You ask a question the person wants to answer.” That was the science part of the equation. “Dad, how do you know what question they want to answer?” “You just do –” THAT is the art. He gave me illustrations of experiences with people when his ability to discern opened up conversations, moved problems to solutions, and deepened relationships.

Dad’s listening talents were part of his genius. He read between the lines, asked questions which enlightened, waited for light bulbs to go off, and accomplished his life goal of stretching others. He analyzed the listening process then utilized the steps as he interacted with others. His ability to read body language, assess emotional condition, and determine basic assumptions allowed him to be an interpersonal Sherlock Holmes. He listened to the words, but watched for nonverbal clues.

What are your favorite questions 1) when you are initially introduced to someone? 2) during a difficult, highly emotional situation? 3) when you are encouraging a colleague or family member?

Bob Tiede’s library of authored books includes questions Jesus asked and the latest one features questions asked by Paul. I highly recommend checking out his volumes – and growing in your effective use of questions.

Finally, 1) what is exciting you right now? 2) what can you do today to forward your life mission? 3) who models this leadership skill?

Brenda’s Blog – May 17, 2022

“The car is in the house – the car is in the house!”

The message from my Mom set off alarm bells. What could she possibly mean? Her advancing Parkinson’s Disease caused minor confusion, but nothing like this.

I talked with my Dad and agreed to meet him at home. Arriving before him I walked in to see my sweet Mom sitting in a chair slightly dazed and crying. And much to my surprise her car was sitting squarely in the breakfast room nestled up against the kitchen counter. The car was indeed in the house!

To her dying day she insisted the car malfunctioned, sending her through the garage wall, through the very sizeable built in cabinet holding favorite crystal pieces and other sentimental breakables. The car was stopped by the heavy breakfast room table – thankfully. At nearly 75 she climbed out through the window, onto the table, and then down to the floor to reach the telephone.

The tow truck removed her very injured car and the process of piecing the story together began. There were no pointed fingers, just grateful hugs and prayers of thankfulness. Rather than replace the vehicle Dad acceded to Mom’s wishes and had it fully repaired and restored to health. But even though Mom never drove it again, it stayed with them until her death 14 years later.

What really happened? The insurance adjuster’s decision was simple: as she pulled into the garage she hit the accelerator instead of the brake. She picked up speed and drove headlong into the house… the car was in the house!

You may certainly have not experienced a shock like my Mom did, but can you think about a time when you hit the accelerator rather than the brake? How about decisions made in haste? What about purchases made under pressure? Or, words spoken in anger when a quiet, braking pause would have better served?

We can learn from Mary Alice Smith before our relational, emotional, and spiritual cars come crashing through a wall never intended for breaching.

Brenda’s Blog – May 3, 2022

“Do not back up – severe tire damage will result.”

These words appear on a sign at the exit to my community. The red metal prongs ominously poking up from the ground warn us to keep on moving. One day as I drove carefully over them I laughed to myself thinking how applicable the words are to life.

As we age the temptation to drive in reverse grows stronger. My Dad referred to this as joining the “usta club.” Too many engage in conversations leading with “I usta do this — I used to work there— I usta own that…”

“What is God doing right now? What is He teaching you?” Those questions introduced the small group exercise. “It must be current… no sharing something from years ago.” Why? It is easy to get stuck in life experiences and in spiritual growth, as well.

What happens when a car reverses over the spikes? Flat tires! What happens when we fail to move forward and insist on living in the past? Emotional flat tires.

How can we avoid the “usta club?” 1) Seeing each day as an opportunity to live out the work God gives us to do; 2) Engaging with younger people, hearing their stories, and encouraging their efforts; 3) Committing to stretch mentally, spiritually, and physically; 4) Keeping current on reading, travel, and social activities;5) Giving thanks day by day.

Memories are precious and important to health; but resisting new experiences hinders growth. Integrating our stories to help others is a blessing; focusing only on the past limits our contribution.

Forward progress is God’s plan for our lives – let’s stay involved, running the race well.

Brenda’s Blog – April 19, 2022

My son Jeff and I stood in line at the New Hampshire hotel’s registration desk after day one of our fall photo adventure. I nonchalantly asked for a room with two beds. Her expression told me good news was not coming. “There are no rooms available in New Hampshire – it is leaf season.” Knowing I didn’t hear her, I asked naively, “Could you recommend another hotel in town?” “Did you hear me? There are NO ROOMs in the entire state.”

She directed us to a local schoolteacher who rented three bedrooms during the fall… it was a most lucrative side hustle! Jeff, three women on a girls’ weekend and I shared her house for the night and continued on the next day.

Jeff and I traipsed trails, climbed fences, and endured great rains in plastic ponchos discovering secluded coves with hidden ponds reflecting bold oranges, yellows, and reds. To our chagrin, we now know lighthouses were not built on the side of the highway. Trekking across fields and up hills to the stone buildings challenged us.

The paradox of autumn is the botanical significance of color changes. The chlorophyll factories energized during long, sunny days produce verdant, vibrant leaves. As sunlight decreases, the factory workers pack up for winter and the green steps back allowing the carotenes and the xanthophyll to gloriously appear. Ironically, an entire tourist industry is built on the dying process.

Poets, preachers, and philosophers eloquently (and sometimes not quite so skillfully) connect the linkage between leaves and human lifespans. As one whose chlorophyll factory passed peak production years ago, I embrace the sentimentality of the orange, yellow, and red seasons. There are moments when I exultantly exclaim “this is my season — let me shine — let me attract the leaf peepers.” Other times I long for just a few more years of green. But I do love the way God has a purpose and moment in the sun for all ages and stages. Finding contentment in all hues is His gift.

Brenda’s Blog – April 5, 2022

Recently a friend told me she gathered outdated gold jewelry and took it to Dallas where she sold it for a healthy sum. Gold closed just short of $2000 per troy ounce today. Trading in unworn jewelry for cash makes financial sense, doesn’t it? Especially in a market where gold is exceptionally high. But think about a gold bracelet or broach purchased for a loved one at Tiffany’s. It would be priced multiple times the market value of the gold, wouldn’t it? What makes the difference? The touch of the artist. When a master craftsman takes the gold in hand and draws out the beauty through design it is no longer an ounce of gold – it is a work to be treasured.

A decade old study analyzed the chemical components of the human body, looked at the market value, and determined we are worth about $1.00. But clearly we are more than a beaker filled with the 83 elements that make up the human body. Again, what makes the difference? It is really Who makes the difference? Scripture has the answer: “For we are God’s handiwork (workmanship), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2: 10) We are formed by the most creative triune God who designed us purposefully and intentionally because He had the idea of who He made us to be. Our God is the ultimate artist.

Consider the Garden of Eden and the creation of man and woman. God took a handful of earth’s soil and formed Adam; He pulled a rib from anesthetized Adam to bring out Eve. He breathed life into them beginning the history of mankind.

The intrinsic value of men and women must be estimated by the “touch of the Master’s hand” described beautifully by Myra Brooks Welch in her poignant piece. She points out the fallacy of judging by social standards, appearance, and life experiences. Those who consider only “market worth “miss the artistry that creates a stunning “objet d’art.” We aren’t just a base metal or a collection of periodic table elements – we are the workmanship of a majestic craftsman.

Brenda’s Blog – March 22, 2022

“I miss our Whataburger time.”

My Colorado friend reminisced about our monthly Saturday morning breakfasts at the Tyler Whataburger. Before their move our traditional time together allowed us to catch up, but more importantly, share Christian fellowship.

During those years we sought each other’s counsel, agonized about unsolved life situations, wondered about God’s direction, and praised Him for clarity as He shepherded us through rough fields.

We had no set date, just a text “have time for Whataburger?” The Lord prepared us for these times. He set the agenda and led the conversation. We sat at the same table month after month (we believed the Lord put a “reserved” table tent up on those Saturday mornings) aware of the brevity of time and wanting to strengthen each other.

It became holy ground as we opened our hearts to each other before the Lord. We built trust venturing deeper and deeper into private, often painful areas. The friendship grew and the conversations entered into critical topics.

Ralph Waldo Emerson greeted his friend Henry David Thoreau with this question each time they met: “What has become clearer since last we met?” How well that described our Whataburger times. We also queried the activity of our great God. Seeing His providence gave us hope in dark days and rejoicing as doors opened.

We didn’t need stained glass windows, pew kneelers, or even big black Bibles to know we were worshipping the Holy One. Our favorite brightly colored A Frame structure spoke of God as surely as the flying buttresses of Gothic cathedrals. We were in His presence as we were present with each other.

Brenda’s Blog – March 8, 2022

POSITIVE was the lead line on the email. This bold printed word meant Covid had captured me. I read and reread the email, wanting to deny, ignore, or bury the information.

How could a word so closely attached to successful living be transformed into such a threat?

Thankfully, my doctor prescribed meds and after nearly 2.5 weeks of isolation, I was back to normal activity. But not without thinking about the impact of that word.

Norman Vincent Peale changed generations of men and women with a simple book entitled “The Power of Positive Thinking.” The word became synonymous with warm smiles, right thinking, and strong abilities to remember people’s names (and use them frequently!)

“Congratulations! The results are positive – you are going to have a baby next summer.” Dr. Cianciolo’s phone call initiated our journey to parenthood and the birth of Heather. I still celebrate the day of that phone call.

Today the stock market took a major hit. All day long we heard about negative activity. At one point there was a small rebound and the analysts cheered for the numbers “in the positive range.”

We are trained to look for the “yes” in every situation, aren’t we? We are schooled to have cheerful attitudes, dress for success, and strive for significance… all parts of a positive life.

But to expect a graph line which goes straight up is naïve. There will always be dips and dives… there will always be negative zones. And sometimes they are the times we learn and grow. Maturity comes through the navigation of rough waters, learning from the tumult.

Having gone through the covid experience I appreciate the irony of the positive result. Compassion for bed bound is stronger; empathy for bad medical reports is deeper; and gratitude for face to face interaction is certainly greater.

The power of positive thinking means understanding the value of weaving negative thinking and experiences into the tapestry.

Brenda’s Blog – February 22, 2022

“It shocked me to see the interior of that gnarly piece of wood.”

I love wood – the smell, the look, the craftsmanship which it encourages – I love wood.

Do you know what a burl is? Have you ever noticed a deformity on a tree that looked like a tumor growing on the exterior? That could be a burl. They grow as a response to a wound, an injury, or infestation. It is the tree’s natural response to an offense.

Woodworkers value them for the patterns which exhibit when they are properly excised from the tree and then opened up with their saws. Startling beauty emerges which is highly sought for veneers, decorative pieces, or classic design.
Burls go from grotesque to gorgeous.

Another example of this principle is a geode. Have you ever gone to a science museum and oohed and aahed at the colorful crystals inside gray, unremarkable stones? “How can something so ugly on the outside be so beautiful inside?” That was the question from my young daughter?

Do you ever feel the wounds of the world? Do you feel the weight of carrying these burdens created by injury, or infestation? Take heart. Your emotional or spiritual burl may be the find for the Master Craftsman who will apply His tools and form you into something glorious for His work.

Do you sometimes think of yourself as invisible, or ordinary? Think of the shining crystalline interior which will be exposed when the right artist strikes at just the right angle, opening your beauty to the world.

The next time you drive past a tree and are almost repulsed by the giant knobs sticking out. They are burls with interior treasure. Smile and give thanks for this wonderful secret!

Brenda’s Blog – February 8, 2022

“I nearly passed out and didn’t even realize it.”

My friend is the mother of two disabled children who experienced a kitchen fire recently after forgetting a pan on the stove in the midst of intense child care. As she related the story she talked about smoke inhalation and how dangerous it is. “People die from smoke more than from actually being burned to death. It is so sneaky. Afterwards I recognized how close I came to passing out and dying. I was brought out of the house just in time.”

It is made me think about other life experiences. Have you ever found yourself teetering on the precipice of a potentially disastrous decision only to be given a touch of God’s fresh wind which cleared your head and gave you the strength to make a good choice? Sometimes we climb into a boat to calmly float down the river totally unaware of the rough water ahead which overcomes us.

A Facebook post from my friend Ronnie Cunningham on the importance of habits struck a chord. My Dad used to emphasize the critical nature of habits as the raw material for our character. Habits, good or bad, become our autopilot, don’t they? Actually, that is very good that we don’t have to rethink every reflexive action in life. We are blessed to have an inbuilt system for much of daily living. But, if they are bad habits we can nearly asphyxiate without even knowing how endangered we are.

Safety courses always tell us to “be aware of your circumstances… be alert.” Isn’t that good counsel for decision making? Shouldn’t we measure each choice in light of the ramifications and the long range outcomes? Are we walking in wisdom with our eyes wide open?

My friend was caught off guard by an insidious colorless, odorless gas which enveloped her. Thankfully, she gasped for air and ran out the door just as she felt the overwhelming desire to close her eyes. May we live in such a way that the cloud of bad decisions and bad habits not cover us. We want to know how close we are to the edge of the cliff before we succumb. Let’s strive for clean air!