Brenda’s Blog – April 9, 2019

“Our children and grandchildren don’t want our stuff, but they need our stories.”

Shelves displaying memory-filled mementos, drawers packed with utensils whose function I have long forgotten, and walls filled with well-loved paintings… these are memories held in my heart and mind.

As I pass through rooms sweet days, even torturous times, flood back. I often smile, retelling an experience to myself. Yes, I live alone and no, my walls don’t judge me! When my children come to my house, they, too, walk around looking. But what they are thinking is “How in the world are we going to get rid of all this stuff when Mom moves or dies?” The activity looks the same, but the emotional response is totally different.

The current fad of holding each item in the hands and asking, “Does this spark joy?” leaves me cold. My nearly 2000 books feed my soul; they are my friends. But in reality, their commercial value is minimal. Inheriting a library of others’ stories might be interesting, but knowing what God has done in and through me will give them a sense of who they are, as well.

How do we tell our story? The ancient Jews were told to tell their stories as they walked, talked, worked, and worshipped. When our children were young, parenting experts reminded my generation of the ongoing, informal opportunities in each day. My friends and I laughed often at those rugged, out-of-control times reflecting on them as “teachable moments.” My Dad used to say, “the things you cry about today you will laugh about tomorrow.” Clearly, there are qualifiers, but I find his aphorism to be so very true. Riding in the car, watching a movie, cooking a meal, raking leaves, or other work-related activities spur conversation. We don’t register them for a course titled “Life Stories of My Grandmother.” No, it is the casual conversations which prompt those life lessons.

I decided to begin writing letters to my grandchildren, telling them stories of the successes and the failures. The most critical part of the story is the faithfulness of God. They will face crushing defeats, and exult in those “I knocked it out of the park” moments, and I want them to know my relationship with God through Jesus the Christ holds me together.. and will be there for them.

Hopefully, they will want some piece of hand thrown pottery, a small piece of furniture, or a painting which reminds them of Gram. But more than that, I want them to remember how I found peace in the darkness and joy in the light because God is real. I want them to remember how I faced challenges with hope and expectation.

Brenda’s Blog – March 26, 2019

“Spring has come – its 77 degrees – let’s go play!”

That was yesterday – today it is 40 degrees heading for 27 tonight. What happened to Spring? What happened to play time? Close the windows, turn on the heat, and huddle under a blanket.

In the 1970s we lived in Pagosa Springs, CO. A mountainous resort area drew many “flatlanders” (code word for Texans!). During ski season unseasonably warm days invariably came. Although it was cold, the high altitude sun shone brightly and drove everyone outside to play. During the first winter our family did, too. We reveled in the glorious winter sunshine.

Year two I noticed the locals weren’t playing – they were at the gas station, post office downtown (no local delivery in those days), and lined up at the one small grocery. It seemed strange to me. Why weren’t they enjoying this weather?

THEN the cold front moved in! Without fail, the warmth preceded snow, ice, and cold. The locals knew this and prepared.

The book of Proverbs talks about the discipline of ants who work when others are playing storing for the bad weather. They are honored and respected. “Go to the ant, you sluggard.” We weren’t slugs – we were thanking God for the gorgeous weather. But the ant-like locals were storing up for the storm ahead.

Years later I went through an extremely difficult personal season. I soon recognized a pattern. Before a particularly trying period I experienced especial clarity. The first few times I played in the sunshine thinking the darkness was behind me. When the testing came I was unprepared. One day I thought about Pagosa and saw the correlation. After that when sparkling daylight came I worked hard to get paperwork done, check off to-do items, and assess the current situation in preparation for the next step. It was a successful strategy I still use.

Are you in a stressful season? Are you feeling like you are in a fog? The sunshine will come – use it to make progress. Feel God’s blessing during those times of light. Know He is providing a way to navigate choppy waters.

Brenda’s Blog – March 12, 2019

“He’s living the life – he has his own TV, computer, and free Wi-Fi!”

As I overheard this conversation at the restaurant between two Gen Z men I assumed their young friend had moved into his own place, had a good job, and was doing well.

He had indeed moved, but into a Federal prison. I admit I listened way longer than is polite, but their view of the good life fascinated me. “He got fourteen years – man, he is doing great!”

I must admit my stomach turned over as I watched them philosophically discuss the loss of a young man’s early twenties and thirties. “He’s living the life!”

Then I had to think about so many of the Millennial and Gen Z men and women who define their lives by measures foreign to me as an “Elder generation” member. The love of freedom, free stuff, and free will reflect their discomfort with top down authority. They want authenticity from those around them. Their view of the good life is strange to those of us who were born before 1945.

A study of core values showed the distinct differences. However, there was one clear crossover. The Millennials wanted to make a difference in the world; the Elders wanted to leave a legacy. There is a natural nexus between us. We want our lives to count and we want them to experience usefulness and productivity.

Our heartbeat is for an opportunity to share our life stories (failures as well as successes) to help them navigate the choppy waters ahead. We would like to share our values which are rooted in faith. We would love for them to say “This is living the life” because they are truly making a difference in the lives of others.

The young man who is enjoying California sunshine locked up in a Federal prison may think that he has it all, but let’s pray for those who have wandered off the path and need to really understand what the good, abundant life is all about.

Brenda’s Blog – February 26, 2019

“That is just unnatural to sing like that.  I would rather listen to someone screaming.”

My grandson and I were in the car together and I tuned the radio to a Southern Gospel station.  At just that moment the group featured a bass singer with a remarkably low range, wrapping up with a sound close to a growl.

“Why would anyone sing like that?”  I realized that this was a generational context situation.  Even though I am not a particular fan of the “see how low you can go” technique, I probably don’t even notice it.  Growing up there was a popular musical TV program which was sponsored by Dodge vehicles.  At the end of each show there would be a bass singer capping the evening with the words “Dodge had a good time, too” in a downward scale.  It assumed an iconic place in culture.  It was a vocal limbo dance!

To hear his judgment that a resonant bass voice was unnatural made me stop and think.  Screamers, rappers with startling speed, and eardrum-piercing voices do not qualify on any scale I can imagine as music.  Yet, to him they had more aesthetic appeal.

What was going on?  A change of sensibilities, without a doubt.  A pleasing sound and an appreciation for the “pipes” which had the capacity to vibrate almost lower than the human ear can hear is part of my heritage.  Part of my education included a definition of music, meaning harmonious melodies.  The 20^th century altered those parameters, but my ears were permanently attuned to the textbook framework.

Now, my 20 year old grandson has no background which identifies music in the same way at all.  It is all about the driving rhythms, the bombastic delivery, and the disturbing decibel levels.  To him, this is music.  Anything else is “unnatural.”

Intergenerational relationships require understanding and patience.  What makes me hum along makes him break out in hives.  What gets him bouncing in the passenger seat makes me want to pull my hair.  But there is no right and wrong.  Our tastes are partly generational, partly educational.  The relational element is primary in any preferential issue.  Time with him far outdistances the irritation of bone rattling vibrations.

As my Dad said, “we have to get older, but we don’t have to get old.”  Keeping those intergenerational pathways open and clear is a growing experience – and a lot of fun which keeps me from being old.

Weekly Thought – February 12, 2019

“That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.”

Nestle Quik ran an ad campaign featuring the slurping of a straw in an empty glass of chocolate milk. The tag line was always, “That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.” A few weeks ago that came to mind as I was listening to people listening their lifetime regrets. Over and over they agonized over the “coulda, shoulda, wouldas” with clear agony.

Living life in the rear view mirror makes us vulnerable to crashes because we don’t see what is ahead.

I believe God weaves all the threads together in His sovereignty. Camping out on the jobs not taken, relationships undeveloped, and money misspent is unhealthy, leading to chronic unhappiness.

Certainly, we all make mistakes….we all do dumb things… we all long for do-overs. BUT, it is destructive to rehash, review, and rehearse those sad sounds. When Ross Perot ran for President he had a famous campaign phrase to connote the trade imbalance between the US and other countries: “a giant sucking sound.” Years later I still hear references made to Perot’s comment. Allowing the past to cripple the present is a giant sucking sound.

Maybe it is a good thing to think about that saddest sound, face it, evaluate it, and then go fill the glass back up with yummy chocolate milk.
The Broadway musical, The Fantastiks, reminded us “the heart without hurts is hollow.” We don’t seek out pain for that is sadism. But seeing it for what it is and properly integrating it into our lives is realism. No, we didn’t get a blue ribbon every time. And a lot of times we didn’t even get honorable mention, but hopefully we learned something. As Christians our goal should be to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Part of that enjoyment is seeing His hand in all the goods and bads, knowing He has a purpose.

2019 won’t be perfect. But it can be a time of proper perspective. Let’s stop sucking on that straw in the empty glass – it is counterproductive and irritates everyone around us. This is a year for hope!

Brenda’s Blog – January 29, 2019