Brenda’s Blog – June 18, 2019

“This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.” The disclaimer made me laugh. The ad talked of the bountiful blessings supplied by this supplement. Yet, at the end of the commercial a very friendly voice repeated these words. So, what exactly does it do?

I learned that there is a broad category of producing well being that is acceptable for such products. Okay, I am a proponent of well-being, but I am not sure an expensive herbal supplement is the best answer.

What puts limits on our lives? What challenges our well-being?

Stress? Fear? Anger? Studies are showing loneliness is almost epidemic. Dr. Sandra Gray, President of Asbury University, told our What’s Next Roundtable team depression, loneliness, and anxiety are major issues for the students. The more social media increases its incursion into our lives, the higher the level of discontent and loneliness registers.

The more we escalate the speed of life the slower our ability to process and integrate becomes. Overloading our emotional and physical systems results in crashes and lack of wholeness.

What would our disclaimer look like in the wired, ramped up life? This way of life isn’t intended to produce joy, stability, or happiness. Yet, like the supplement we trade our days for a lifestyle which is more hype than hope.

What is the answer? The only one I know is being grounded in the Word of God, seeking His rhythm for our lives. Knowing we are here for a reason provides a foundation for a less chaotic existence. Putting our trust in a God creates an equilibrium which balances out the craziness of the disconnected, but ever connected world of social media.

It is time to do our own personal cost/benefit statement. Are we buying into a life which ultimately opens us to loneliness? Are we exchanging well-being for what looks like being well positioned? What good is a life which spirals down into a puddle of confusion?

Brenda’s Blog – June 4, 2019

“Why am I talking?”

I read of a therapist who patiently listened as a woman complained and complained and complained because no one listened to her. “No one really hears me.” The sessions continued and her discouragement at the lack of empathy on the part of others continued.

She sought a solution which he gave in one short word, “Wait!” “What do you mean by that,” she asked. “It is simple… when you see others are tuning you out and you feel others are not listening, say to yourself Wait which will spur you to ask “Why Am I Talking?”

Don’t you know people who overtalk? Haven’t you been the one who just can’t find the pause button? I painfully remember a time when I was under emotional pressure and attended a small church fellowship group. Because I was new they asked me to tell them about myself. I began and I just absolutely couldn’t stop. I knew I should, but couldn’t. How very much I needed this acronym.

Dad always encouraged us to develop listening skills. It is rare when someone does focus intently without using the other’s conversation to reload. We eagerly anticipate their halting so our thoughts can have air time. There is much to learn when we are actively listening to others.

Scripture tells us “Be still and know that I am God.” That quietness requires intentionality and practice. We live in a verbally-active culture which values talkers. Coming to a complete understanding of who He is and in turn, who we are demands silence. In prayer it is too easy to talk at God rather than sitting before Him. Even in devotion we must WAIT.

The article didn’t tell the outcome of the therapist’s sessions. We want to assume she took his counsel, learned to interact normally, and engaged happily. But we don’t know. I still talk too much; I still look for opportunities to share my most appropriate stories; and I feign interest too often, but I also make a strong effort to be truly interested in others and………wait.

Brenda’s Blog – May 21, 2019

“My Grandmother taught us how to enjoy chocolate.”

This comment piqued my interest. I didn’t know anyone had to be taught to appreciate chocolate, did you? It is part of my DNA.

But she went on to say her grandmother taught the children to truly appreciate the joy of chocolate. “She sat us own at the table with chocolate lined up in front of each of us. Then she placed a glass of cold milk next to us.” “Take one bite of the chocolate,” she said. “Slowly let it melt in your mouth. Then take a swallow of milk and thoroughly enjoy the wonder of the chocolate.” My friend distinctly remembers those times, even decades later.

As she told me about this childhood experience I thought about learning to love scripture. At first we look at the reading assignments and gobble the verses down, just to get through to the end. Reading through the Bible each year is a worthy goal, but it doesn’t allow savoring. Gulping has its place, but so does a delightful exploration.

There are times when we put a verse into our mouth, rolling it around, sounding the words, and falling in love with the Spirit’s work. Bible memorization is a natural response to deep meditation. Making a verse our own gives the “sword of the Spirit” much greater accuracy and applicability.

I have favorite chocolates, just as I have favorite Bible verses. Rather than swallowing each of them quickly, I think I will let each dissolve slowly allowing the flavors to bloom. The Psalmist says, “O, taste and see that the Lord is good.” When we ingest His word intentionally and delicately we sense the deliciousness of who He is.

Couple Clearing Garage For Yard Sale Laughing

“Great! It looks like your have a new start.”

The time came to scrub the house. What a shock awaited me. Within the first hour the servicemen came, asking me to look at the back of the garage. Uh, oh… what problems do I have? But no, they wanted me to see the progress. They are not just pressure washing the logs – they are hand scrubbing each inch using a special cleanser.

As I rounded the corner of the garage (not knowing what to expect) my eyes widened in total shock. WHAT A DIFFERENCE! How could I imagine my house was hiding beneath all that dirt and grime? I posted the pic on Facebook and nearly 125 people celebrated with me.

What could the transformation teach?

1) Dirt sneaks up. I remember the shiny, honey-colored logs I fell in love with in 2007. Day by day, storm by storm, the weather coated my house with a film which collected the residue of seasons. It happened slowly and I adjusted to the new color – probably even telling myself it was a desirable patina. Not until yesterday did I see what denial reaped.

2) Reclamation is hard work and expensive. Neighbors with log homes do a once-over cleaning every six months. Waiting and ignoring intensify the process. The expense of manually rubbing the build-up increases the cost exponentially. Regular, scheduled care prevents major catch-up.

3) Stewardship is neglected. This house is mine to appreciate and preserve. It is not just an asset, nor a roof – it is a gift of God to be used in His service. The more I neglect the maintenance, the less I can fully enjoy the blessing. The Bible tells us everything we have is given to us. Therefore, I am responsible to be a good manager.

Great – those are obvious. How can I apply them to my life?

1) Bad habits are slow growing. A compromise, a flawed decision, a slip into sin come incrementally. Before we know it, we are moving in a dangerous direction which seems to be totally unexpected. “How did I get here” is an often heard question from people whose lives are destroyed by conflict, broken character, or even criminal activity. There is always a chain of decisions in life-altering consequences.

2) Coming back takes time and investment. We don’t go from disaster to delight without hard work. And sometimes the path has veered so far off from the original destination there is no coming back. Counseling, prayer, serious spiritual exploration all take time, require painful work, and repentance.

3) We are responsible for our decisions. God doesn’t create us to be free agents. We are “not our own.” Scripture tells us how to think, behave, and live. When we become followers of Jesus, we bear His name. Those who carry His banner are to carefully walk to honor and glorify.

Just as my house has a new start, redemption is our through the blood of Christ… the best cleanser of all.

Brenda’s Blog – April 23, 2019

“Kindness is an intentional way of life.”

The featured guest on Hallmark Channel’s Home and Family program spoke of living kindness every day. Her comment about intentionality sparked my interest. For years the “random acts of kindness” campaign has filled the air. Each time I hear it, I mentally object saying, “That is okay, but to be truly kind, you have to have a strategy. “ It must be part of a lifestyle.

As a child I memorized (in the King James Version, of course) “be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Years later I see kindness as a choice, as a part of being a mature, healthy adult.

“Be a blessing” is part of my familial DNA. It was repeatedly spoken to me in my home. And, now I try to build that into my grandchildren. Recently, I dropped my 20 year old grandson for his day. He got out of the car, turned, and said, “I know, Gram, be a blessing!” When he was in early elementary school we had “blessing day.” On one occasion I gathered a bag of loose change, picked him up, and drove to a local outdoor strip mall. We walked up and down the sidewalk depositing coins in obvious, but unexpected places. With each we would smile knowing how happy we were making someone who found the coin. We laughed as we thought of the person who found the quarter. To a 5 year old that was an enormous find!

Making a decision to live with a kind heart requires yielding to the great, holy God who through His own kindness brings us to repentance, as the Apostle Paul tells us in Romans. Walking in the expectancy of brightening someone’s day with a soft answer, a sweet smile, an encouraging word brings hope to both us and the recipient. Proverbs tells us when we water another we are also watered.

Let us be people of blessing and kindness, spreading the joy of the Lord.

Brenda’s Blog – April 9, 2019

“Our children and grandchildren don’t want our stuff, but they need our stories.”

Shelves displaying memory-filled mementos, drawers packed with utensils whose function I have long forgotten, and walls filled with well-loved paintings… these are memories held in my heart and mind.

As I pass through rooms sweet days, even torturous times, flood back. I often smile, retelling an experience to myself. Yes, I live alone and no, my walls don’t judge me! When my children come to my house, they, too, walk around looking. But what they are thinking is “How in the world are we going to get rid of all this stuff when Mom moves or dies?” The activity looks the same, but the emotional response is totally different.

The current fad of holding each item in the hands and asking, “Does this spark joy?” leaves me cold. My nearly 2000 books feed my soul; they are my friends. But in reality, their commercial value is minimal. Inheriting a library of others’ stories might be interesting, but knowing what God has done in and through me will give them a sense of who they are, as well.

How do we tell our story? The ancient Jews were told to tell their stories as they walked, talked, worked, and worshipped. When our children were young, parenting experts reminded my generation of the ongoing, informal opportunities in each day. My friends and I laughed often at those rugged, out-of-control times reflecting on them as “teachable moments.” My Dad used to say, “the things you cry about today you will laugh about tomorrow.” Clearly, there are qualifiers, but I find his aphorism to be so very true. Riding in the car, watching a movie, cooking a meal, raking leaves, or other work-related activities spur conversation. We don’t register them for a course titled “Life Stories of My Grandmother.” No, it is the casual conversations which prompt those life lessons.

I decided to begin writing letters to my grandchildren, telling them stories of the successes and the failures. The most critical part of the story is the faithfulness of God. They will face crushing defeats, and exult in those “I knocked it out of the park” moments, and I want them to know my relationship with God through Jesus the Christ holds me together.. and will be there for them.

Hopefully, they will want some piece of hand thrown pottery, a small piece of furniture, or a painting which reminds them of Gram. But more than that, I want them to remember how I found peace in the darkness and joy in the light because God is real. I want them to remember how I faced challenges with hope and expectation.

Brenda’s Blog – March 26, 2019

“Spring has come – its 77 degrees – let’s go play!”

That was yesterday – today it is 40 degrees heading for 27 tonight. What happened to Spring? What happened to play time? Close the windows, turn on the heat, and huddle under a blanket.

In the 1970s we lived in Pagosa Springs, CO. A mountainous resort area drew many “flatlanders” (code word for Texans!). During ski season unseasonably warm days invariably came. Although it was cold, the high altitude sun shone brightly and drove everyone outside to play. During the first winter our family did, too. We reveled in the glorious winter sunshine.

Year two I noticed the locals weren’t playing – they were at the gas station, post office downtown (no local delivery in those days), and lined up at the one small grocery. It seemed strange to me. Why weren’t they enjoying this weather?

THEN the cold front moved in! Without fail, the warmth preceded snow, ice, and cold. The locals knew this and prepared.

The book of Proverbs talks about the discipline of ants who work when others are playing storing for the bad weather. They are honored and respected. “Go to the ant, you sluggard.” We weren’t slugs – we were thanking God for the gorgeous weather. But the ant-like locals were storing up for the storm ahead.

Years later I went through an extremely difficult personal season. I soon recognized a pattern. Before a particularly trying period I experienced especial clarity. The first few times I played in the sunshine thinking the darkness was behind me. When the testing came I was unprepared. One day I thought about Pagosa and saw the correlation. After that when sparkling daylight came I worked hard to get paperwork done, check off to-do items, and assess the current situation in preparation for the next step. It was a successful strategy I still use.

Are you in a stressful season? Are you feeling like you are in a fog? The sunshine will come – use it to make progress. Feel God’s blessing during those times of light. Know He is providing a way to navigate choppy waters.

Brenda’s Blog – March 12, 2019

“He’s living the life – he has his own TV, computer, and free Wi-Fi!”

As I overheard this conversation at the restaurant between two Gen Z men I assumed their young friend had moved into his own place, had a good job, and was doing well.

He had indeed moved, but into a Federal prison. I admit I listened way longer than is polite, but their view of the good life fascinated me. “He got fourteen years – man, he is doing great!”

I must admit my stomach turned over as I watched them philosophically discuss the loss of a young man’s early twenties and thirties. “He’s living the life!”

Then I had to think about so many of the Millennial and Gen Z men and women who define their lives by measures foreign to me as an “Elder generation” member. The love of freedom, free stuff, and free will reflect their discomfort with top down authority. They want authenticity from those around them. Their view of the good life is strange to those of us who were born before 1945.

A study of core values showed the distinct differences. However, there was one clear crossover. The Millennials wanted to make a difference in the world; the Elders wanted to leave a legacy. There is a natural nexus between us. We want our lives to count and we want them to experience usefulness and productivity.

Our heartbeat is for an opportunity to share our life stories (failures as well as successes) to help them navigate the choppy waters ahead. We would like to share our values which are rooted in faith. We would love for them to say “This is living the life” because they are truly making a difference in the lives of others.

The young man who is enjoying California sunshine locked up in a Federal prison may think that he has it all, but let’s pray for those who have wandered off the path and need to really understand what the good, abundant life is all about.

Brenda’s Blog – February 26, 2019

“That is just unnatural to sing like that.  I would rather listen to someone screaming.”

My grandson and I were in the car together and I tuned the radio to a Southern Gospel station.  At just that moment the group featured a bass singer with a remarkably low range, wrapping up with a sound close to a growl.

“Why would anyone sing like that?”  I realized that this was a generational context situation.  Even though I am not a particular fan of the “see how low you can go” technique, I probably don’t even notice it.  Growing up there was a popular musical TV program which was sponsored by Dodge vehicles.  At the end of each show there would be a bass singer capping the evening with the words “Dodge had a good time, too” in a downward scale.  It assumed an iconic place in culture.  It was a vocal limbo dance!

To hear his judgment that a resonant bass voice was unnatural made me stop and think.  Screamers, rappers with startling speed, and eardrum-piercing voices do not qualify on any scale I can imagine as music.  Yet, to him they had more aesthetic appeal.

What was going on?  A change of sensibilities, without a doubt.  A pleasing sound and an appreciation for the “pipes” which had the capacity to vibrate almost lower than the human ear can hear is part of my heritage.  Part of my education included a definition of music, meaning harmonious melodies.  The 20^th century altered those parameters, but my ears were permanently attuned to the textbook framework.

Now, my 20 year old grandson has no background which identifies music in the same way at all.  It is all about the driving rhythms, the bombastic delivery, and the disturbing decibel levels.  To him, this is music.  Anything else is “unnatural.”

Intergenerational relationships require understanding and patience.  What makes me hum along makes him break out in hives.  What gets him bouncing in the passenger seat makes me want to pull my hair.  But there is no right and wrong.  Our tastes are partly generational, partly educational.  The relational element is primary in any preferential issue.  Time with him far outdistances the irritation of bone rattling vibrations.

As my Dad said, “we have to get older, but we don’t have to get old.”  Keeping those intergenerational pathways open and clear is a growing experience – and a lot of fun which keeps me from being old.

Weekly Thought – February 12, 2019

“That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.”

Nestle Quik ran an ad campaign featuring the slurping of a straw in an empty glass of chocolate milk. The tag line was always, “That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.” A few weeks ago that came to mind as I was listening to people listening their lifetime regrets. Over and over they agonized over the “coulda, shoulda, wouldas” with clear agony.

Living life in the rear view mirror makes us vulnerable to crashes because we don’t see what is ahead.

I believe God weaves all the threads together in His sovereignty. Camping out on the jobs not taken, relationships undeveloped, and money misspent is unhealthy, leading to chronic unhappiness.

Certainly, we all make mistakes….we all do dumb things… we all long for do-overs. BUT, it is destructive to rehash, review, and rehearse those sad sounds. When Ross Perot ran for President he had a famous campaign phrase to connote the trade imbalance between the US and other countries: “a giant sucking sound.” Years later I still hear references made to Perot’s comment. Allowing the past to cripple the present is a giant sucking sound.

Maybe it is a good thing to think about that saddest sound, face it, evaluate it, and then go fill the glass back up with yummy chocolate milk.
The Broadway musical, The Fantastiks, reminded us “the heart without hurts is hollow.” We don’t seek out pain for that is sadism. But seeing it for what it is and properly integrating it into our lives is realism. No, we didn’t get a blue ribbon every time. And a lot of times we didn’t even get honorable mention, but hopefully we learned something. As Christians our goal should be to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Part of that enjoyment is seeing His hand in all the goods and bads, knowing He has a purpose.

2019 won’t be perfect. But it can be a time of proper perspective. Let’s stop sucking on that straw in the empty glass – it is counterproductive and irritates everyone around us. This is a year for hope!