Brenda’s Blog – October 8, 2019

“I’m not afraid of heights – I’m afraid of falling.”

Her comment caught me off guard. I have always put myself in the “afraid of heights” category, but she challenged my thinking. She is right – I don’t mind being high if falling isn’t an imminent danger.

Fear is a strange emotion, isn’t it? Anger masquerades as fear; anger often comes dressed as depression. We find the emotion that is most socially acceptable. Or, we just play hide and seek, ducking behind a smiley face and “I’m doing great!”

I was driving US Highway 550 in Colorado from Ouray to Durango. The sun was sinking farther and faster in the west than I intended. As I maneuvered a mountainous curve I had a panic attack. I was alone, I was afraid, and I was petrified. Thankfully there was a pull-off. I sat in the car, talking to myself. “Brenda, no one is going to drive you down the mountain. You can do this – you have driven mountain roads for years. What is going on with you?” The last voice had a critical edge to it – not what I needed. I needed the “atta-girls!”

It wasn’t the height – it was the fear of driving off the edge and plunging down the hillside. I finally had a profitable talk with myself, prayed, quoted favorite fear scriptures, and started the trek homeward.

Pulling the mask off fear and telling the truth about it allowed me to manage the moment. I am not downplaying the reality of panic attacks. For this time, the experience had a rapid conclusion. I know there are other times when the outcome isn’t quite so easily resolved.

We live in a fear-driven, fear-addicted culture. We use anger, fear, and hostility as motivators of ourselves and others. What a foolish misuse of time and energy. We were created as God’s masterpiece, His work of art, His poem. We aren’t designed to operate with fear as our default system.

I heard her words and they triggered an immediate response. What about you? What are your fears? Are you realistically defining your fear or should you be looking for the “fear behind the fear?” Identify it, speak life into the emotion, and be released from the paralysis.

Brenda’s Blog – September 24, 2019

“Drowning doesn’t always look like drowning.”

The lead line on Mario Vittone’s blog captured my attention. Drowning is second only to being buried alive on my “least desired accidental deaths” list. I found myself taking deep breaths as I read his post.

“When someone is drowning there is very little splashing, and no waving or calling out for help of any kind.” It is a quiet, unobtrusive, and frequently unnoticed demise.

The more I read the more I thought about burnout and emotional drowning. We expect it to look a certain way with flailing, cries for help, and reaching desperately for a lifeline. But in my experience it can be an almost silent going under.

First the person seems to shut down, unable to express a full range of emotions. Then, perhaps a withdrawal from normal activities. Some may focus distantly (drowning people often lie on their backs with eyes wide open, blankly staring before succumbing). Behavior may look unusual, yet explained away.

All the while, the deep waters are overtaking them.

There have been several times in my life when I experienced the dark waves. I didn’t jump up and down demanding help. I did become “pleasant and still.” I had no energy to surface. In drowning some have described the scene as assuming the person was treading water since their physiological and psychological attempts to “right the ship” take over. In the midst of sinking I looked vertical, even peaceful. But I was drowning… drowning in responsibility, hurts, burdens for others, and pain. I looked strong, capable, and in control… all the while awaiting last breaths. I was mentally and physically exhausted.

I thought about our community of faith. How can we tell if there are those around us who are drowning and we don’t even notice? What are the signs? How can we throw them a line? The blog’s author suggests a simple first step in assessing a drowning victim… ask them “are you alright?” If there is no answer time is short and immediate action is required.

“If you see something, say something” is a bit threadbare. It gets the point across, though. Let’s create a culture of care readying ourselves to see past the “I’m fine – I’m blessed” and rescue the perishing as the old hymn says. If the person has not come to faith in God through Jesus Christ, that is the ultimate answer, but in all situations, pray for wisdom to help. Perhaps it is only a word of understanding, or in more serious cases, a referral to professional help. Ever alert should be out byword.

We may not understand the nature of the water, but we do know the nature of the God who saves. Eyes open, hearts attune, and minds prepared may prevent loss.

Brenda’s Blog – September 10, 2019

“What does your T shirt say?”

One of my favorite t shirts has App-Uh-Latch-Uh emblazoned across the front. Frequently I see people mouthing the words trying to understand it. I smile to myself.

So, you are probably trying to make sense of it, right?

In the last ten years our non-profit has been privileged to spend time at Alice Lloyd College in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. On my first meeting with President Joe Stepp I enthusiastically extolled the wonders of AppalAchia –(long A). He looked across the desk and quietly, but firmly, said — In Eastern Kentucky it is Appalachia (short A). Then he gave me this unforgettable visual. “Brenda, I have an apple in my hand. If I toss it to you it will be an apple – atcha.” THAT is way we pronounce it here.

So, finding the t shirt in the Eastern Kentucky craft store made my day!

Recently in a hotel breakfast room I noticed the variety of t shirts worn by the not-quite-awake diners. Each advertised a philosophical viewpoint (some not quite appropriate for family viewing), loyalty to schools, political affinities, and bold graphics advertising a rock concert decades ago. I always notice them and wonder about the back story. Why that T? Why that attachment?
What is the message?

Then, of course, it occurred to me all of us wear a statement of worldview, lifestyle, or leisure choices. We speak to others about our values, our affections, and even our disgruntlements. We may not wear them printed on cotton shirts, but we demonstrate to others our underlying message. Our countenance, our speech, our civility… all shout out.

If we printed our heart condition across our chests, what would it say? If we notified the world of our motivations in 20 point type, what would we say? Hopefully, those who pass by will stop, ponder our message, and then go on blessed and strengthened.

Brenda’s Blog – August 27, 2019

“At the end of the day all I can give my children is memories.”

I agree.

My parents consistently focused us on “making memories.” This meant putting deposits in the memory bank. One of my young friends wrote on Facebook, “Buying things can never compare to having experiences with friends.” He knows how to build up a robust remembrance account.

Taking time and spending money on positive memories creates a healthy foundation. Think of the times you sat with family and someone started reminiscing? Laughter undoubtedly followed.

Memories are the finest example of time travel we have. Just reviewing puts us back into another place. We hear sounds, smell aromas, and even feel emotions. We don’t have to drop into a black hole, or pass through a portal — we just have to remember.
The Old Testament gives generational reminders of God’s goodness. Consistently the history is repeated and often the words “The Lord’s lovingkindness endures forever” is voiced verse by verse.

The New Testament gives us the Lord’s Table (Communion) as a symbol of the New Covenant. Jesus says, “Do this in remembrance of me.” We know how easy it is to forget. The memory of His life, death, burial, and resurrection is replayed each time we observe this sacrament.

“But I don’t have the money to build memories.” I sadly overheard this comment. Bike rides, popcorn and movie nights at home, Bible studies with grandparents, scavenger walks in the neighborhood — available without costly outlays. Time is the currency of memory-making.

Relationships come with stewardship responsibilities. We are given to each other for building up, growth, and maturity.

Creating a legacy of shared experiences is a significant way of working this out. Shared stories bond one generation to another, linking us with fondness and delight.

The interest paid is measurably higher than the prime rate, and lifelong dividends are paid. Go put a deposit in your memory bank today!

Brenda’s Blog – August 13, 2019

“This trucking company was built on the vision of a blind man.”

Ormsby Trucking Company travels with this painted on the back of their vehicles. It grabs you, doesn’t it? As I rode along behind the 18 wheeler it made me think about other irregular visions.

The Menninger brothers established a medical clinic on the Kansas plains, far from the major schools, populations, and technology. The Mayo brothers created a world-renown diagnostic facility in Rochester, Minnesota. Who would ever create a strategic plan for medical institutions placing them in these remote areas? Yet, the vision of “blooming where they are planted” belies the advice of most consultants.

The names of successful companies on the “it can’t be done here” list always get my attention. A common element is a man or woman who had an idea and built on it, like Mr. Ormsby. Undoubtedly they all faced great challenges and probably questioned themselves at times. But the vision motivated, disciplined, and drove the activity needed for realization.

So much is written about passion as the engine for accomplishment. Great bursts of energy without conduits to direct them lead to “blowing off steam.” Vision is the structure.

As Christians our operating vision is the transforming work of God which continually changes us into the image of Jesus. This is the vision in the mind of God – we are His workmanship, the outworking of His vision. Even though we cannot even imagine what the outcome will be, we can be scripturally attune to many of the elements in this process. We know His changing us from self-directed to Spirit-led is indeed in His “vision statement.”

Our lives can be visionary adventures. We can exult in the unexpected experiences He presents. Trucks roll on the vision of a blind man; we move on the impeccable vision of Him whose sees all.

Brenda’s Blog – July 30, 2019

“No wonder you can’t download that app. You have used up all your memory. Let’s see – hmmmm you have texts going back to 2015. Don’t you ever delete them? And pictures – you have thousands. You need to go home and start cleaning all this up.”

The young woman was kind, but she also looked at me like a troglodyte who just rolled out of the cave. I honestly didn’t know to delete text messages. And yes, I knew there were hundreds of unwanted pictures which “someday” I was going to erase.

“You don’t want to buy a new phone and transfer all that. Come back when you have cleaned it up.”

Shamed, but thankful, I walked out of the store. Have you ever tried to delete 4 years of text messages? It is not only tiring, but totally unrewarding. I know I could clean it with one fell swoop by a single “delete all,” but it is like cleaning out a drawer, or a closet – throw it all away and absolutely you will eliminate the very thing you need someday, right?

This became a “that’ll preach” for me. I started thinking about my gratitude for my Savior. When I was definitely piled up with years of undeleted mess, He gave His life in obedience to the Father who planned before time to save me from my sin. At Calvary He did delete all. Jesus paid it all.

And our great triune God promised me a new life without demanding I clean up the current one. The Bible doesn’t tell me to get rid of the junk and then come to Him – no, the Bible says there is no way I could ever get it together in order to be acceptable enough. He came to me because there was nothing I could do on my own.

My plan is to get the new phone on Friday. Between now and then I am going to drive myself crazy pushing delete, but then every once in a while I will stop and say thanks to God for reminding I am His – junk and all!

Brenda’s Blog – July 16, 2019

“I’m going to make it.”

The words were spoken with a matter-of-fact tone. There were no high fives, just quiet resolve.

The second attempt at parole seemed within reach. The first one lasted 45 days with a return to prison. This 90 day stint is down to 25. “I’m done unless I do something stupid and get a charge.”

Crossing the finish line isn’t always easy, especially for some personality types. Those motivated by ideas and new beginnings often lag in the last quarter, leaving projects incomplete. Having another come alongside to provide execution allows ideas to become reality.
I once heard a story about John Lennon. He was one filled with ideas, but less adept at implementation. He and Yoko Ono were an ideal pair – he created and she executed. The story goes on to say during a 14 month separation his creative juices totally dried up. When they were reconciled his ideas flowed until he was killed.

I am an idea person who needs a Yoko for major endeavors. I am most grateful for the provision of those who sees the end and runs with me when I falter. Crossing he line together is great joy?

Have you ever taken on a project and struggled to get the last page, task, mile completed? Or, do you have the skills to make a dream into a reality? Each of you needs the “other half” to make it all it can be.

My young friend’s hope came in seeing that this time he would not leave the task incomplete; he would cross that finish line knowing the satisfaction of completion. He had the help of friends and family, a supportive employer, and a parole officer who believes in him.
His hope in the accomplishment gives him energy and purpose. His opportunity to experience success may be a step toward a favorable outcome.

Brenda’s Blog – July 2, 2019

“The noise of battle all around you is unnerving.” Colonel Richard Goldsmith sat with an interviewer from the Madison County (AL) Hall of Heroes as an inductee answering his questions. They discussed his Army service in the Vietnam era. This comment made me stop and think.

We, too, are surrounded by the noise of battle. And, yes, it is unnerving. We are in the midst of clashing values which distract and discourage. How are we to know who to follow? What should be our answer to pressing problems?

Scripture says, “Be still and know that I am God.” How difficult that is in a world which shouts at us, over us, and around us. Turning down the volume as much as possible is a good option. Silence is a requirement for mental health. But even putting “sabbath rest” into our schedule is temporary. We must eventually return to the fray.

We turn on the news and the panelists see who can out bully the others with bold gestures and shrill voices. No stillness to be found!
As Christians we are called to put on the armor of God. The underlying assumption is constant warfare. We are not living in a safe space, but are battered by the conflict of God’s will versus that of “the power of this world.” It is noisy — it is unnerving.

But Jesus promises peace, doesn’t He? Not “spa day” peace, but peace which passes ordinary understanding because it exists in the tumult. It is quiet which is found in the rancor of arguments and the crushing pain of brokenness.

But we are not alone in this battle. The Holy Spirit gives us strength, comfort, and direction. The furor may swirl around us, but we have the hope of His courage. We may hear the world’s effort to drown out the small, still voice of God, but He breaks through calming us. The noise of battle can be unnerving, but when we walk with Jesus we know the victory has been won!

Brenda’s Blog – June 18, 2019

“This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.” The disclaimer made me laugh. The ad talked of the bountiful blessings supplied by this supplement. Yet, at the end of the commercial a very friendly voice repeated these words. So, what exactly does it do?

I learned that there is a broad category of producing well being that is acceptable for such products. Okay, I am a proponent of well-being, but I am not sure an expensive herbal supplement is the best answer.

What puts limits on our lives? What challenges our well-being?

Stress? Fear? Anger? Studies are showing loneliness is almost epidemic. Dr. Sandra Gray, President of Asbury University, told our What’s Next Roundtable team depression, loneliness, and anxiety are major issues for the students. The more social media increases its incursion into our lives, the higher the level of discontent and loneliness registers.

The more we escalate the speed of life the slower our ability to process and integrate becomes. Overloading our emotional and physical systems results in crashes and lack of wholeness.

What would our disclaimer look like in the wired, ramped up life? This way of life isn’t intended to produce joy, stability, or happiness. Yet, like the supplement we trade our days for a lifestyle which is more hype than hope.

What is the answer? The only one I know is being grounded in the Word of God, seeking His rhythm for our lives. Knowing we are here for a reason provides a foundation for a less chaotic existence. Putting our trust in a God creates an equilibrium which balances out the craziness of the disconnected, but ever connected world of social media.

It is time to do our own personal cost/benefit statement. Are we buying into a life which ultimately opens us to loneliness? Are we exchanging well-being for what looks like being well positioned? What good is a life which spirals down into a puddle of confusion?

Brenda’s Blog – June 4, 2019

“Why am I talking?”

I read of a therapist who patiently listened as a woman complained and complained and complained because no one listened to her. “No one really hears me.” The sessions continued and her discouragement at the lack of empathy on the part of others continued.

She sought a solution which he gave in one short word, “Wait!” “What do you mean by that,” she asked. “It is simple… when you see others are tuning you out and you feel others are not listening, say to yourself Wait which will spur you to ask “Why Am I Talking?”

Don’t you know people who overtalk? Haven’t you been the one who just can’t find the pause button? I painfully remember a time when I was under emotional pressure and attended a small church fellowship group. Because I was new they asked me to tell them about myself. I began and I just absolutely couldn’t stop. I knew I should, but couldn’t. How very much I needed this acronym.

Dad always encouraged us to develop listening skills. It is rare when someone does focus intently without using the other’s conversation to reload. We eagerly anticipate their halting so our thoughts can have air time. There is much to learn when we are actively listening to others.

Scripture tells us “Be still and know that I am God.” That quietness requires intentionality and practice. We live in a verbally-active culture which values talkers. Coming to a complete understanding of who He is and in turn, who we are demands silence. In prayer it is too easy to talk at God rather than sitting before Him. Even in devotion we must WAIT.

The article didn’t tell the outcome of the therapist’s sessions. We want to assume she took his counsel, learned to interact normally, and engaged happily. But we don’t know. I still talk too much; I still look for opportunities to share my most appropriate stories; and I feign interest too often, but I also make a strong effort to be truly interested in others and………wait.