Brenda’s Blog – May 19, 2020

Growing up in the cold war era of the 1950s, I learned the fine art of “ducking and covering.” In case you missed this, let me explain.

The United States established an agency known as Civil Defense to protect us from the effects of an atom bomb attack. School children rehearsed climbing under desks with their hands covering their heads. Children riding bikes were trained to jump quickly into covered areas – and again, ducking and covering. The trigger for these responses was simple: the sight of a giant light explosion in the sky reflecting the explosion of an atom bomb.

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But ask anyone in their late sixties, or definitely in their seventies. “Duck and cover” was a finely honed skill!

We now know by the time we see a bright flash in the heavens we are already vaporized. Putting a newspaper over your face would be your last earthly action.

Feeling in control is foundational to human nature. Acknowledging the helplessness of forecasting an atomic bomb drop created panic. SO…teaching us all, especially the children to take charge of our destiny made sense to a governmental agency. Don’t you wonder if they chuckled as they handed out yellow hardhats with the prominent CD logo emblazoned on them?

We haven’t changed a great deal. We look at our fears, creating methods to overtake them. We speak affirmations early in the morning to set us on our paths. We establish our own ritual of duck and cover to ward off the effects of potential failures.

Now, as in the 50s, there is only one fail-proof protection – The Lord God Almighty. As the hymnist says, “when morning gilds the skies, my heart awakened cries, ‘may Jesus Christ be praised.’” Yes, we use our wills to devise helpful disciplines, but we know where our ultimate trust lies.

Brenda’s Blog – May 5, 2020

“You haven’t changed one bit. You look just like you did years ago!”

It had been 16 years since I was together with this friend. At first blush these words cheered my aging heart (and ego), even though I knew she was wrong.

As the glow faded, the thought occurred to me, “Brenda, if I think about that seriously, it is an indictment. Have you changed since college? Do you have new interests, new skills, deeper knowledge, more wisdom?”

Sadly, I admitted I improved on skills already developed by age 20, deepened my interest in subjects already introduced in early life, and practiced habits created in my 30s. But am I a different woman, or simply a more experienced model of my younger self?

Then, I switched the direction. “Perhaps you set your life course early, establishing your core values at a young age.” I think there is truth in that. My Breakfast With Fred work requires me to read thousands of words written by my Dad throughout his life. One of my ah-ha’s has been the way his foundational thinking matured, but did not change over decades. At 30 he held beliefs expressed in his 80s.

So, then what is the conclusion? Being a more solid Brenda founded on a firm faith is a good thing. Failing to add new skills, new interests, and experiences is not. Allowing fear to keep me from joining in on uncomfortable activities (like learning new games, singing solos, zip-lining, snorkeling, or hiking mountains) leave me unchanged.

Growing requires pushing beyond known boundaries. Perhaps I can risk a bit and the next time I see her she will tell me “You look like you are having great fun in your old age!”

Brenda’s Blog – April 21, 2020

“Put your shovel down!”

My son in law’s business is 100% reliant on internet connections. They are located in a rural East Texas town without alternative lines or even backup systems.

Recently a road crew expanding a narrow roadway cut the fiber optic cable. Result? No service! Clients across the country immediately recognized the downtime. Everything came to a halt. This was not one of their better days.

In his frustration he wanted to go to the worksite and yell, “Put your shovel down!”

Those men working on the road repair had a contract to enable a safer highway. They did not awaken with the intent of shutting down the largest employer in the county. But one errant backhoe and life changed for everyone using those cables.

Yes, they should have instructions about the location of the critical utilities. Yes, a crew should have identified the area with nifty little flags. But in reality, the should haves don’t count. An ordinary day’s work turned into an extraordinarily bad day for everybody.

Can you remember times when you thought you were helping but were actually making a mess? How about that awful experience of wanting to be a problem solver yet creating more confusion? Aren’t they terrible? We shake our heads, wondering “Where did I go wrong?”

But before we get too embarrassed and disillusioned we need to give thanks for those we love (and love us) who understand where the sensitive areas are buried and plant red flags to avoid relational catastrophes. Before disaster they step in to say, “put your shovel down!”

Brenda’s Blog – April 7, 2020

I am an electric stove user – always have been and at this age will probably always will be. My female relatives all love gas because it is either on or off – period. They turn it off and the heat is off. My electric stove stays hot even when the power is off. I know I can turn off the burner and count on the residual heat to finish the cooking. However, if I turn it off too soon, the remaining heat is insufficient.

The blue light on my computer charger stays on for a short time after it is unplugged from the wall. Residual energy flows through the cable. It powers my device momentarily, but not enough to complete any work.

Thinking about residual energy sent me down one of my rabbit trails… how can this apply to other areas of my life?

1. Relationships – regular contact is necessary for the deeper relationships in our lives. Certainly, there are those that exist as Facebook friends, or even once yearly get togethers. But the heart connection comes with intentional time when the cable is plugged into the power source.

2. Skills – I play the piano. In growing up I was constantly reminded of the virtuoso’s comment: “When I miss one day of practice I know; two days and my critics know; three days and the whole world knows.” Coasting may get us by short term, but regular practice is required for mastery.

3. Development – I can cruise on things I read a month ago (or maybe even a year ago), but to stay fresh, I need to be challenging my mind daily. When I start repeating the same stories I know there is nothing new in the pipeline. The cord is unplugged and I am on residual energy. Dad used to ask me what I was excited about. Lifetime learning is a requisite for excitement.

4. God – perhaps the most important example for me is the spiritual temptation to unplug and think I can move forward. Manna was given for each day, not to be gathered and stored except over the Sabbath. What God is teaching isn’t like punching a ticket on Sunday and riding the bus for the next six days without paying. Spending time with Him is the essential Source of power.

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize the signs of residual living. But inevitably, the evidence is clear – the direct, immediate connection to the power source is missing. The blue light may flicker for a short time, but ultimately the power is lost.

Brenda’s Blog – March 24, 2020

The news reports say, “Isolate… separate.” The Spirit of God says “gather, assemble, stand together.” We may be temporarily apart, but never alone. The presence of God is ever with us. As we pray, communicate, and encourage one another, we are the active, viable Body of Christ.

Our physical, earthly bodies may be quarantined, but the spiritual oneness through Jesus cannot be denied. Let’s stand one by one in the Spirit holding up the shield of faith to ward off the fiery darts of the evil one.

The old, old hymn says “No, never alone… He promised never to leave us, never to leave us alone.” We are One in Christ Jesus… we are brothers and sisters held strong in the bonds of love.

Be of good courage. Keep up the calls, texts, and messages. One day soon we will indeed greet each other face to face with a holy hug and kiss!

“The ceiling in Brenda’s main room is quite high and natural log – it is beautiful.”

I listened to Dad recount our field trip from Dallas to my new house in East Texas. His first comment about the house complimented the ceiling? How about the wood floors, the well-appointed kitchen, the spacious rooms in nearly 4,000 square feet? How could my always aware Dad comment on the ceiling?

This adventure occurred four weeks before his death. We loaded into the handicap van with him well-supported in his Barton Chair which was a combination of gurney and wheelchair. He endured the two and a half hour drive to see my next stop. The unspoken assumption was: “After Brenda is no longer a caregiver she will sell the Dallas house and move to the Piney Woods.” Neither of us ever voiced the words, but we each understood.

Our team of helpers helped me roll him in through the garage and into the main room. I positioned him in the “power corner” where he held court. Invited friends all took turns sharing stories, laughing, listening, gleaning wisdom, all the while knowing this would surely be an earthly goodbye-for-now. The Chair was positioned to give him as much comfort as possible while enabling him to rest which meant he remained for the most part in the gurney position. Unable to move around the house he maintained the same place for the sentimental journey afternoon.
Reflecting on the time as I listened to him on the phone the ah-ha happened. It hit me – that was what he saw. He was on his back looking up for most of the time. THAT WAS HIS PERSPECTIVE.

The Lord graciously kept my mouth shut. I didn’t rebuke him for the description of my new house. He was expressing the highest compliment – he was describing with great pleasure what he saw.

Perspective is personal; perspective is private; perspective is precious. How we view situations, people, or experiences flows through our own circumstances. To criticize another without considering all the facts is diminishing their value.

Understanding another’s perspective allows us to recognize their viewpoint. We may still wonder why a beautiful ceiling is their major point, but maybe we will stop and see through their eyes.

Brenda’s Blog – February 25, 2020

“Just try it… it is really good… really just try it.”

The chubby little boy in the breakfast room of the hotel earnestly urged his newspaper-reading Dad to take a spoonful of the yogurt. The child was on his third serving, so his recommendation was well founded.

The Dad looked over the paper, half-smiled, shook his head, and resumed reading his USA Today.

The boy loved every bite – and wanted to share it with his Dad.

I thought about the times in life when someone eagerly pulled me toward a most-loved activity of theirs… everything from piercing my ears, to zip lining. Needless to say, I responded much as the Dad. My ears are still without holes and racing down a wire high above the ground remains someone else’s dream.

Then I thought about the wonderful approach the son took. He found something that pleased him greatly, wanted to share the experience, and enthusiastically offered it. His energetic invitation made me want to go over and take a spoonful of his yogurt. He didn’t harangue; he didn’t knock the paper out of the Dad’s hands; he didn’t pout and create a scene – he merely enjoyed it so much all of us wanted to put some on our plates.

Finally, I thought about the Bible verse “O, taste and see that the Lord is good.” Isn’t that the way we share the good news of the Gospel? No Bible thumping, no shaming, no guilting – just an open, sincere invitation to experience the goodness of God. “He is really good – He really is… Just try Him.”

Brenda’s Blog – February 11, 2020

“Love is free; Divorce is Expensive; Choose Wisely”

I laughed as I read the billboard sponsored by a local law firm in Arkansas.

Yes, it caught my eye. Yes, it made me remember. And yes, it made me think about the consequences of decision making. Emotional actions establish patterns which often have long-lasting and costly reactions.

A dear friend of mine left this earth for heaven several weeks ago. His influence lives on. One of the lessons he taught is the value of H.A.L.T. The way he phrased it is burned into my consciousness. Let me share it with you, hoping to give you the help he gave me.

“When you are preparing to make a life-altering decision, HALT! In other words, never make a life-altering decision if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.”

I am rarely hungry (I am always prepared with a snack), but I can recite times when anger, loneliness, and exhaustion provided an atmosphere for bad decisions. The impulse to take control rises under those conditions – the drive to DO SOMETHING outweighs the ability to fully consider consequences.

That is the time to consider the cost of impulsive action. Wisdom says “Wait” when emotion says “Go.”
The billboard made me smile; HALT protects me from great mistakes.

Brenda’s Blog – January 28, 2020

“Convenience with no commitment” was the tag line for the movie theater club program. The promo showed all the benefits of paying $8.99 per month for the listed privileges. Finally, the screen filled with those words: “Convenience with no commitment.” Some marketing genius certainly took the pulse of the buying public.

Sadly, that is the tag line for too much of our culture, isn’t it? A social scientist years ago observed major changes can occur by appealing to two factors: comfort and convenience. We will actually give up our freedoms when driven by these two. It is a subtle transaction, but effective. We buy products which are not only new and improved, but provide ease. We hand over the keys to our lives for comfort. Hardship is not cool!

As we begin a new year, perhaps we can stop, do an evaluation of our values, and reassess the importance comfort and convenience play.
The second part of that phrase is unsettling – creating discomfort for me. “No commitment.” Decades ago Glen Campbell sang of the freedom he felt because no “ink stains on a piece of paper” kept him in the relationship. His bedroll stashed behind the couch was a testament to his love for her because she didn’t tie him down. As a “woman of years” I have a simple analysis of this philosophy: HOGWASH!

Until we plant our flag and say like Martin Luther, “Here I stand – I can do no other” we are still children. It takes courage, endurance, and tenacity to boldly persevere. This is true for relationships, jobs, community volunteer efforts, and even hobbies. Gladwell wrote about developing expertise saying it takes a minimum of 10,000 hours to gain mastery of a subject or skill. Imagine how many it takes to forge a healthy, lifelong relationship.

Deep roots are required for tall trees. A subterranean hole as deep as the building is high is necessary for skyscrapers. Commitment which stays the course is a critical element for maturity.

May we exchange “convenience with no commitment” for a true and lasting adherence to standing firm, even when it is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and just downright disagreeable, knowing the reward is great.
At the end of the first month, here’s wishing you “Happy 2020.”

“When we did that I knew we were old.”

My son in law told me of standing over the newly purchased washer mesmerized, watching through the acrylic lid as the clothes agitated. They paused, laughed, and knew they weren’t 25 year olds anymore.

I love to ask people when they first realized they were aging. Top of the list is usually, “When a young person called me ma’am or sir.” That is a startling rite (or wrong) of passage. Or, how about being given the senior discount without asking!

Last week my daughter and son in law hosted a dinner at my house. I proudly presented a stack of Christmas CDs after digging through many boxes. She graciously ignored my efforts as she quietly said, “Alexa, play Christmas music!” YIKES!

At church last night an energetic young staffer conversed with two of the deacons. “I retired in 2001.” Quickly, the youth worker responded, “I graduated from high school in 2001.” “Wow! That makes me feel old was the deacon’s response.”

Those are outward evidences we have turned more calendar pages than most, but “feeling old” is not the same as chronological age. “How old do you feel?” is a question I enjoy asking my 65+ friends. Rarely do I hear someone response “I feel every day of my 70 years.” Or, “I feel ten years older than my age.” Quite the contrary. Most of us put a pin at a point 5 to 10 years younger than the sundial reads.
Dad used to say, “I cannot stop getting older, but I can certainly refuse to get old.”

We can be told by the culture we aren’t riding in the fast lane, but we aren’t being flagged off the course quite yet.

Psalm 71 records David’s request for years enough to tell the next generation about the strength, mighty acts, and greatness of God. He didn’t ask for years of idleness, or total leisure. He sought time to speak to the next generation. We aren’t finished – we are still in the race with a clear purpose.

Okay, when I am told “nobody carries sacred sheet music anymore,” I can smile remembering the delightful hours of exploring music stores, but recognizing “time marches on.” When a kind person offers an arm when walking up a hill, I can accept the help knowing there is an agile young woman inside who is enjoying the assistance.

Aging is a privilege. At age 85 Caleb asked God for years to conquer a mountain in the Promised Land. Let’s carefully consider our requests. What is your mountain? What is your testimony to the next generation? The world may look askance at us, but little do they know what lies behind that gray hair!