Fair to Middlin’

Brenda’s Blog – October 22, 2019

“The trending direction and focus is mediocrity.”

In math class we learned about the lowest common denominator. It was the point where all the fractions could find their happy place – where they all fit. This has now become a social concept. Education became one of the early proponents of its implementation. Finding a way to homogenize learning to make it comfortably available to the majority created a system which flowed downhill. The author Charlotte Iserbyt called it The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America.

Now, another sociologist boldly states that mediocrity is the goal. What does this look like? Perhaps giving trophies to every participant – even if they did not engage in one minute of competition; or, discouraging a grading system that rewards achievement.

We have transitioned from the brutal dog eat dog competition of earlier decades to an attitude which encourages lack of effort. The social drive to eliminate offense has created an order which celebrates the mediocre. Those who “pay the price” are penalized by ostracization. They don’t fit because they make others look deficient.

What does the Bible say about this? Aren’t we to do our work “as unto the Lord?” Would we take on a task for Him and then lay down on the job? Years ago I knew a man who was a well-meaning, but immature Christian. One day I found him sitting on a log outside of the job. “What is going on?” “Well, I am fasting to please God and I am just too tired to work.” “Are you taking their money for the job?” “Yes, but they are Christians and they will understand.” He wasn’t trending toward mediocrity – he had already staked his claim!

Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians spoke strongly to them about working hard and having a good reputation in the community. That is excellence. There was no room for second rate effort.

To have that attitude consistently means swimming uphill. My grandson Colby took his first job in a grocery store fully prepared to work extremely hard. At the end of his first day the other employees came to him, complaining about his work ethic. “You don’t have to work so hard – nobody expects it and you make us look bad.” He kept on, was promoted, and now is anticipating a career in the Marines. He wouldn’t accept a fair to middlin’ life.

Ministry of Ushering

Weekly Thought – October 15, 2019

Fred thoroughly enjoyed being a substitute teacher at the Elliott Class (Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Dallas). His influence in that class continues even years after his death. He dedicated himself to preparation for these lessons. And time the class members commented on the way he stretched them.

Ministry of Ushering

The President of this class also serves as the Head Usher. In a recent time together I asked him, “What does it take to be a good usher?” “The first thing is you’ve got to love Jesus Christ with all your heart… so much so that it comes through in your enthusiasm and warmth.”

I have to admit, that wasn’t one of the first things I thought about. In fact, in my own upbringing I surmised there was a bidding system for the center aisle on Sunday mornings which usually went to people who sold insurance or cars and wanted to give themselves an honest name. I thought you had to have a dark suit, and a lapel wide enough for the carnation, too. In fact, I figured those who didn’t really want to be in the work of the church volunteered for church work. And I must confess, in my experience, it gave the advantage of stepping out for a smoke between passing the plate and sitting down. His quick response certainly brought me up short.

Then in typical Smith fashion I started thinking about the potential in the ministry of ushering. It is an exercise of the gift of hospitality. And there are others, as well, which relate to the functions of the church.

1) Many come to the church as if it were a hospital. They might be dressed in designer outfits and not hospital gowns, but they hurt just the same. Who is in a better position to recognize the hurting than the first contact?

2) Some come through the doors who are spiritual lost, without a relationship with God through Jesus. They have not had a new birth experience. Others are believers but are still lost, having wandered off from the Shepherd.

3) Most attending formal services want a reverent atmosphere. Even though I have friends who claim to worship more fully on the golf course or in a boat on the lake, many still find a sense of communing with God in a corporate environment… a “time and place” format for worship. The mode of physical gathering changes, but the idea of bringing honor and glory to God doesn’t. The idea of reverential awe still exists and the ushers are the very first ones to set the tone.

My friend’s comment about warmth and enthusiasm emanating from a love of Jesus Christ is truly the bedrock. The ushers are the very first handshake, greeting, and contact. They serve well as ministers of grace and hospitality.

This week think about: 1) How often do I consider the ministry of my church ushers? 2) What spurs me to notice those who need a friendly word? 3) Who sets an example in my church and how can I express appreciation?

Words of Wisdom: “Ushering is an exercise in the gift of hospitality.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Contribute to the needs of the saints, pursue hospitality.” (Romans 12:13 NET Bible)

Confrontation is a Responsibility

Weekly Thought – October 8, 2019

Fred believed in maturity. Despite his reputation, Fred did not relish confrontation, but he knew it was part of growth. In typical Fred fashion, he did a great deal of thinking on the subject. This excerpt from musings and notes highlights his process.

Please pray as BWFLI continues deepening relationships with students, faculty, and administrators. Watching them navigate the challenges with faith excites us. Recent articles trumpeting the lack of faith, decline in belief, and evaporation of hope emphasize the importance of the relationship between Christian laymen and the schools.

Confrontation is a Responsibility

Control of confrontation is important. Too often it is seen as a loaded gun open on the desk. That is a faulty way of thinking – and using – it.

It is a very purposeful tool, and I like to think of two basic types:

1) In a work environment between employer and employee

2) In a personal environment between friends or family

In the first one, you deal primarily with the facts of the case. It usually includes “this is the failure – here is why it is unacceptable.” Creating a strategy to rectify the situation is part of the outcome. It is a formal process.

The second involves feelings, motivations, and deep sources that require careful handling.

Confrontation requires a correct environment. It is very important the other person hears what you are saying. And not only what you’re saying, but why you are saying it. For that you have to go below the surface by asking questions.

In the personal confrontation I have found taking a “third party persona” works well. For example, I tell the story of somebody else who had a similar problem. I may not even mention the offense in the story. As it unfolds it is not unusual for the person to say, “You know, that is pretty close to my situation.” The opening up of the problematic situation permits the conversation to move ahead. I know the parallel in the stories but I do not create a scenario that manipulates the situation. And I am careful to never confront anybody with anything that they can’t change.

In confrontation it is not necessary to take the position that it is the immovable hitting the unstoppable. I like to think sometimes it is like running along and jumping on like you would a San Francisco trolley car. But you have to have the right environment for this to happen.

1) You have to have the right motive. Itching for a fight is not the way. It is always to enable the other person to grow, never to humiliate them. Accomplishment is the goal.

2) You have to have the right modus operandi (MO). I am careful about confronting anyone in business or the family before others. Correction is private. These conversations need to be respectful, even in the most difficult circumstances.

3) You have to have the right follow-up. Many times the right follow-up is no follow-up. I don’t want the person to give me blame or credit for the steps taken afterward.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I about confrontation? 2) Who models this skill well? 3) What situation am I facing right now?

Words of Wisdom: “In confrontation it is not necessary to take the position that it is the immovable hitting the unstoppable.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who refuses correction despises himself, but whoever hears reproof acquires understanding.” (Proverbs 15:32 NET Bible)

Up, Up, and Away

Brenda’s Blog – October 8, 2019

“I’m not afraid of heights – I’m afraid of falling.”

Her comment caught me off guard. I have always put myself in the “afraid of heights” category, but she challenged my thinking. She is right – I don’t mind being high if falling isn’t an imminent danger.

Fear is a strange emotion, isn’t it? Anger masquerades as fear; anger often comes dressed as depression. We find the emotion that is most socially acceptable. Or, we just play hide and seek, ducking behind a smiley face and “I’m doing great!”

I was driving US Highway 550 in Colorado from Ouray to Durango. The sun was sinking farther and faster in the west than I intended. As I maneuvered a mountainous curve I had a panic attack. I was alone, I was afraid, and I was petrified. Thankfully there was a pull-off. I sat in the car, talking to myself. “Brenda, no one is going to drive you down the mountain. You can do this – you have driven mountain roads for years. What is going on with you?” The last voice had a critical edge to it – not what I needed. I needed the “atta-girls!”

It wasn’t the height – it was the fear of driving off the edge and plunging down the hillside. I finally had a profitable talk with myself, prayed, quoted favorite fear scriptures, and started the trek homeward.

Pulling the mask off fear and telling the truth about it allowed me to manage the moment. I am not downplaying the reality of panic attacks. For this time, the experience had a rapid conclusion. I know there are other times when the outcome isn’t quite so easily resolved.

We live in a fear-driven, fear-addicted culture. We use anger, fear, and hostility as motivators of ourselves and others. What a foolish misuse of time and energy. We were created as God’s masterpiece, His work of art, His poem. We aren’t designed to operate with fear as our default system.

I heard her words and they triggered an immediate response. What about you? What are your fears? Are you realistically defining your fear or should you be looking for the “fear behind the fear?” Identify it, speak life into the emotion, and be released from the paralysis.

A Leash for Anger

Weekly Thought – October 1, 2019

Fred admitted an intentional effort to handle anger. He spoke of bridling bad temper and diverting the energy into a positive, productive direction. He helped many honestly confront their struggles.

Fred’s son and namesake has a new book titled Where The Light Divides. This “collection of essays on the life of faith” allows the reader to glimpse life through his eyes. It is now available on Amazon.com

Thank you for praying as the work continues. Please lift up our Christian colleges and universities. They stand strong in the midst of cultural disturbances and turmoil.

A Leash for Anger

I say a leash for I don’t believe it is possible to live without anger. Anger is a cat which far exceeds its nine lives. It can only be controlled. Just the presence of human beings assumes the reality of anger.

Anger can be dangerous when we begin thinking “two wrongs make a right.” Slipping into the thought that we can get even is foolishness. It is easy to recognize a “mad” in ourselves and others when ideas of retribution arise. Our litany of bad wishes even draws God into the mix by wishing lightning would strike!

I believe there are two emotions we label anger: 1) mad and 2) righteous indignation. The difference is crucial. The spirit which generates the emotion differs. Mad is self-centered and comes from the loss of personal power and the inability to force our will. Righteous indignation is being angry with what makes God angry. The desired outcome of one is retaliation; the other is willingness to stand even to martyrdom for the glory and honor of God.

“Mad” results from personal demeaning. For example, when someone insults, insults, assumes, or spites us. We want to fire back to defend and protect ourselves. It is all about our own ego. We seek to avenge the disdain. As Christians we know this is sin. “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” But it is often hard to wait for Him. And what if He forgives and expects that from us? What if I deserved what I am getting? The more I dwell on it, the deeper I fall into the desire for revenge and “getting them back.”

Scripture tells us to “not let the sun go down on our anger.” This makes great sense. My friends at Mayo Clinic tell me anger churns up acid. Many stomach ailments occur with persistent anger. God gave us a remedy. We are to purge it before we sleep and not let it settle into the value structure of our subconscious. This way we start each new day with our souls fresh. The rancor of yesterday has not festered overnight.

I must always be the one to take the offensive in settling the matter. I must remember Christ died for the other person, as He did for me. I must maintain the spirit of forgiveness. A leash on anger is a worthy goal and an excellent exercise in spiritual maturity.

This week think about: 1) How do I handle my anger? 2) What sets me off? 3) When do I find myself getting angry?

Words of Wisdom: “We are to purge it before we sleep and not let it settle into the value structure of our subconscious.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on the cause of your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26 NET Bible)

Throw Me A Lifeline

Brenda’s Blog – September 24, 2019

“Drowning doesn’t always look like drowning.”

The lead line on Mario Vittone’s blog captured my attention. Drowning is second only to being buried alive on my “least desired accidental deaths” list. I found myself taking deep breaths as I read his post.

“When someone is drowning there is very little splashing, and no waving or calling out for help of any kind.” It is a quiet, unobtrusive, and frequently unnoticed demise.

The more I read the more I thought about burnout and emotional drowning. We expect it to look a certain way with flailing, cries for help, and reaching desperately for a lifeline. But in my experience it can be an almost silent going under.

First the person seems to shut down, unable to express a full range of emotions. Then, perhaps a withdrawal from normal activities. Some may focus distantly (drowning people often lie on their backs with eyes wide open, blankly staring before succumbing). Behavior may look unusual, yet explained away.

All the while, the deep waters are overtaking them.

There have been several times in my life when I experienced the dark waves. I didn’t jump up and down demanding help. I did become “pleasant and still.” I had no energy to surface. In drowning some have described the scene as assuming the person was treading water since their physiological and psychological attempts to “right the ship” take over. In the midst of sinking I looked vertical, even peaceful. But I was drowning… drowning in responsibility, hurts, burdens for others, and pain. I looked strong, capable, and in control… all the while awaiting last breaths. I was mentally and physically exhausted.

I thought about our community of faith. How can we tell if there are those around us who are drowning and we don’t even notice? What are the signs? How can we throw them a line? The blog’s author suggests a simple first step in assessing a drowning victim… ask them “are you alright?” If there is no answer time is short and immediate action is required.

“If you see something, say something” is a bit threadbare. It gets the point across, though. Let’s create a culture of care readying ourselves to see past the “I’m fine – I’m blessed” and rescue the perishing as the old hymn says. If the person has not come to faith in God through Jesus Christ, that is the ultimate answer, but in all situations, pray for wisdom to help. Perhaps it is only a word of understanding, or in more serious cases, a referral to professional help. Ever alert should be out byword.

We may not understand the nature of the water, but we do know the nature of the God who saves. Eyes open, hearts attune, and minds prepared may prevent loss.

Learning from Others

Weekly Thought – September 24, 2019

Fred thought… and thought… and thought. And as he thought he scribbled down notes (thousands are still extant in daughter Brenda’s garage files.) He fed on the writings of those who deeply considered life.

Thank you for the ongoing support of BWF and BWFLI. Each week messages arrive applying Fred’s wisdom. How strengthening it is to hear from you all.

Learning from Others

I enjoy contemplation. It is a solo experience between God and me. Often it occurs in the wee hours of the morning when I come face to face with myself. Some of these sessions go well – others leave me in agreement with God I have been shortcutting.

I also enjoy meditation. The distinction for me is that I see this as a guided study using the help of others who have walked closely and faithfully with God. I look at their writings to find principles which enhance my appreciation of the spiritual experience.

Let me share just a few examples of those who help me drive my spiritual roots down deeper where the drought cannot wither, unlike grass with shallow roots which die in the heat. I can honestly tell you they help me withstand the pressure of external circumstances.

1) Augustine – “Love God and do what you will.” The freedom of obedience. My friend Steve Brown keeps the message of liberty in Christ before me.

2) Francis of Assisi- “It is not so important that I be loved as that I love.” Jesus said we would be known by our love not of ourselves, but of one another.

3) Chambers – “Sit loose to things.” At this age I can look back on sudden losses which would bring devastation without this principle as foundational. Things should never define our lives. Chambers also imprinted another: “God isn’t interested in my success, He is interested in my maturity.”

4) Kelley – “Develop a quiet center in your life.” There must be a place where storms do not hit. We must have a gyroscopic center from which the other instruments get their orientation.

5) Tozer – “My flame may be small, but it is real.” Spiritual growth starts with reality.

6) Brother Lawrence – “Dishwashing is just as sacred as prayer.” He emphasized to me the “practice of the presence of God.”

The joy of contemplation is a necessary part of internal strength. The mutuality of meditation allows me to walk with the old saints. When I add these two elements to prayer, scripture, and fellowship I build a healthy system for a life of devotion.

This week think about: 1) How do I define a devotional life?2) Who have been my meditational teachers? 3) Which of these principles strikes home?

Words of Wisdom: “There must be a place where storms do not hit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We proclaim him by instructing and teaching all people with all wisdom so that we may present every person mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28 NET Bible)

Listing Assets

Weekly Thought – September 17, 2019

Fred’s capacity for gratitude was well known among his friends and family. He believed in the power of appreciation. And he sincerely believed he had nothing that he had not been given by God. He saw himself as a steward and managed well.

Work continues on the What’s Next Roundtable at Palm Beach Atlantic University in November. Financial support is needed and would be received with genuine gratitude. The men and women who are preparing for this event eagerly expect to see what God has in mind for them and the students.

Listing Assets

A well-known woman of international fame called me one day and said soberly, “Fred, I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer.” My immediate response, “List your assets.” When people come to me wanting to talk about their problems this is the exercise I recommend.

Invariably, they start with their financial resources. They rarely think of their spiritual assets at first. For example, a troubled man walked into my office. I asked him to list his assets. “Well, I have a bank account, but there isn’t much in it. I have a little equity in my home.” After a few items like this, I said, “Let’s stop and go back a little bit. Are you alive?”

“Well, yes…” “Good, you look that way to me and some people, especially those in the ICUs and the terminally ill think of that as a strong asset.” I continued, “You’re healthy?” “Yeah.” “You have a loving wife and a good family?” “Yes.”

As we sat there I queried “Do you have an education?” “Of course.” “How about work experience?” “Yes.”

“Okay, now that we have established the major assets, we can look at the minor ones like money.”

When I sit with someone and see a breakthrough in a session like this I know we have a gratitude foundation from which to operate. We can start attacking their problems with a different perspective. If they answer the first questions with a “yes, but…” I know my job isn’t finished yet. They still haven’t grasped the power of gratitude. They are still not grateful.

They are still wanting something more. Gratitude is being grateful for what you have, not for what you hope to get. I was reading in the Psalms and it said to honor God for what He has done. It doesn’t say honor Him for what He is going to do. Gratitude, like honor, is a reaction to what is, not what you want to come.

In my reading I found a study saying gratitude is the emotion with the longest shelf life… that those with a grateful spirit are prone to better mental health. The old hymnist never read this study, but certainly expressed in the words, “Count your blessings, name them one by one… count your blessings, see what God has done.”

Being truly grateful is more than just a courteous “thank you.” Nurturing a mature attitude which demonstrates appreciation is a healthy exercise.

This week think about: 1) How healthy is my grateful spirit? 2) Who needs to hear from me with a message of appreciation? 3) What can I do to cultivate a culture of gratitude at work, in my family?

Words of Wisdom: “Gratitude, like honor, is a reaction to what is, not what you want to come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD strengthens and protects me; I trust in him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to him in gratitude.” (Psalm 28:7 NET Bible)

Walking Your Talk

Brenda’s Blog – September 10, 2019

“What does your T shirt say?”

One of my favorite t shirts has App-Uh-Latch-Uh emblazoned across the front. Frequently I see people mouthing the words trying to understand it. I smile to myself.

So, you are probably trying to make sense of it, right?

In the last ten years our non-profit has been privileged to spend time at Alice Lloyd College in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. On my first meeting with President Joe Stepp I enthusiastically extolled the wonders of AppalAchia –(long A). He looked across the desk and quietly, but firmly, said — In Eastern Kentucky it is Appalachia (short A). Then he gave me this unforgettable visual. “Brenda, I have an apple in my hand. If I toss it to you it will be an apple – atcha.” THAT is way we pronounce it here.

So, finding the t shirt in the Eastern Kentucky craft store made my day!

Recently in a hotel breakfast room I noticed the variety of t shirts worn by the not-quite-awake diners. Each advertised a philosophical viewpoint (some not quite appropriate for family viewing), loyalty to schools, political affinities, and bold graphics advertising a rock concert decades ago. I always notice them and wonder about the back story. Why that T? Why that attachment?
What is the message?

Then, of course, it occurred to me all of us wear a statement of worldview, lifestyle, or leisure choices. We speak to others about our values, our affections, and even our disgruntlements. We may not wear them printed on cotton shirts, but we demonstrate to others our underlying message. Our countenance, our speech, our civility… all shout out.

If we printed our heart condition across our chests, what would it say? If we notified the world of our motivations in 20 point type, what would we say? Hopefully, those who pass by will stop, ponder our message, and then go on blessed and strengthened.

Permitting Success

Weekly Thought – September 10, 2019

Fred fielded the question “how do you define success” often. He surprised many when he did not limit it to financial accumulation. He challenged the questioner to look at the full range. And he pushed them to expand their own expectations. One of his favorite definitions: “The measurement of success is simply the ratio of talents used to talents received.”

Please pray for our Christian colleges and universities. In these opening days of the new semester many are welcoming new Presidents, new students, and new campus themes. They need our prayers. If you would like to pray monthly for them sign up for the Prayer Network email which leads in prayer requests and a Biblical exhortation.

Permitting Success

Giving permission to others to succeed is more than encouragement. I believe only a person in authority can give convincing permission. Encouragement can come from a wide group of sources; permission to succeed comes from an authority figure – parent, boss, pastor, mentor, for example. Such permission dispels doubt and gives assurance.

Many years ago I spoke at Baylor University and met a young woman with unusual character and ability. Toward the end of my stay I told her, “I believe you can do almost anything you want to do.” She became a missionary.

Thirty years later she called me. “I’m back in the States,” she said, “and I want you to know when the going really got rough in Japan, I would say to myself, “I know there’s a fat businessman back in the States who believes in me.” She continued, “that sustained me many times – just hearing your belief.”

All I had said was one simple sentence. The difference is that it was more than encouragement because she saw me as a business leader, an authority figure. She accepted my words as permission to succeed.

Experiences like this have taught me it’s not only a leader’s privilege, but also a responsibility, to give others permission to succeed. According to experts, a manager’s number one responsibility is to establish a vision for the organization. One of the ways you establish the vision is to give people a belief in what they can do.

What is the alternative? If you don’t give people permission to succeed you draw artificial boundaries for them. In effect you are saying, “I am building a fence around your abilities – and you cannot go farther than these limits.” PBS recently featured a documentary on children who grow up in negative environments with constant verbal abuse. Most of them grow up to live mediocre, even criminal, lives.

As a leader it is my great opportunity to say, “You have permission to succeed, provided you succeed correctly, by using the right principles in the right way in the right time.” Recognizing talents and gifts in people before they do is one of the great thrills of leadership. Giving them permission to develop them is the responsibility of leadership.

After a focus week on a Christian campus, a student came up to me. In a quiet voice she said, “You spoke life to me. Thank you.” I may never know the direction of her life, but I am grateful for the privilege of lighting a spark.
Give others the permission to succeed. You never know when you may be unlocking the door.

This week think about: 1) Who gave me permission to succeed? 2) How can I lead with this mindset? 3) What will it take to make this part of my organization’s culture?

Words of Wisdom: “The measurement of success is the ratio of talents used to talents received.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Saul replied to David, ‘May you be rewarded, my son David! You will without question be successful!’ So David went on his way, and Saul returned to his place.” (1 Samuel 26:25 NET Bible)

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