Weekly Thought – April 2, 2024

Fred often quoted Canadian Hans Selye, author of Stress without Distress. Dr. Selye, in his study on emotions found gratitude as the healthiest emotion. Fred’s respect for the work influenced his thinking and speaking.

Appreciation is a Gift

Once I was asked to speak at the graduation of a drug center in which those who completed the program asked another participant to come stand with him as he received his certificate. His gratitude for the support and friendship was clear. Then another walked up to be recognized. As he did I noticed a woman perk up. She was fortyish, very tired looking, and poorly dressed. The stress showed on her face. When this young man spoke, he thanked the institution, his sponsor, then stopped and turned to speak directly to this woman. “Thanks, Mom.” Her tears began. That may have been the first time he had thanked his mother for all she had come through with him. The gift of appreciation was experienced by both of them that day.

Throughout my business career I’ve been impressed with the importance of assistants so I have tried to get to know them personally. Just last week while I was waiting for my friend, the CEO of a large Dallas company, his executive assistant came out to visit with me while I waited. He had previously told me how much he appreciated her and how capable she was. When I told her what he said, she responded, “You mean he said that about me?” She paused and repeated, “He really said that about me? I can’t believe it!” He appreciated her greatly but simply failed to let her know. He held in his hand a gift but never gave it to her.

When I sat down to type for the first time in several weeks I found a piece of paper in my antique Selectric typewriter.
“Grandfather, whenever you get this, know that I love you. Thank you for your support and continual love. You mean a lot to me.” It wasn’t signed, but it didn’t need to be.

Mary Alice and I were attending an out of town meeting. Before it started we were shaking hands. A woman we didn’t know walked up to introduce herself. All of a sudden, her eyes lit up and she grabbed Mary Alice’s hand. “You are Fred, Jr.’s mother, aren’t you? I will never be able to express my appreciation to him for he kept our son from failing. He didn’t give up, even when our son didn’t seem worth the effort.” Our son Fred had been more than a teacher – he had given this young man the gift of encouragement. Her appreciation was then a gift to Mary Alice.

My good friend Zig Ziglar loves to say, “Catch somebody doing something good…and let them know.” That is the key to making appreciation an everyday habit.

This week think about: 1) Who can I encourage through appreciation this week? 2) What tells me I am appreciated? 3) Why do you think gratitude is a healthy emotion?

Words of Wisdom: “Appreciation is a gift we can give.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Hezekiah expressed his appreciation to all the Levites, who demonstrated great skill in serving the LORD. “ (2 Chronicles 30:22(a) NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 26, 2024

Fred admitted to his uncomfortable role as father to young ones. However, as the three grew they all developed relationships with him which endured. In his now-famous “last words” delivered at his own memorial service he made the startling statement: “I want to leave my children loving and respecting me, not needing me.” He and Mary Alice gave them lessons which prepared them for their absence and for their everlasting future together.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly father is permanent. He brings us into a forever relationship. God creates a bond which cannot be broken because it is fixed. Scripture says “no one can take them out of my hand.” He is a forever parent, never contingent or conditional.

In 1993 we celebrated our 56th anniversary and stopped in Austin to have lunch with a life-long pastoral friend. He told us of a woman who had been in counseling for over 20 years. She was still struggling with the failure to ever please her father. She was a good student who brought home high marks only to hear “Don’t they give any A+ grades down there?” She was crushed. Our relationship with God is not like that one. Our acceptance is based strictly on His love.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is expressed by the Apostle Paul: “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When our daughter Brenda went to college she lettered that verse on a card and added “nor Denison University” recognizing that no place could be strong enough to shake the permanent nature of God’s hold.

Maturity brings us into this permanent relationship with God the father. There is an intimacy in the perfect relationship. But I have found that intimacy cannot be planned. It cannot be a task or a number one priority. Intimate conversation has to come about naturally. All we can do is give it the opportunity, the honesty, and openness to appreciate it when it does come. Confidence in the permanence of the relationship whether spiritual or human creates a platform from which intimacy can grow. When we are secure in the enduring quality we have the freedom to open up. Prayer grows as we know Him – and understand that we are known.

On a human basis, I find the perfect human relationship is when we gain mutual respect for each other. We become each other’s teacher and mentor. I now recognize my children are able to teach me just as much as I am able to teach them… and sometimes more. This lesson is taught through shared lives, trusting experiences, and lifelong work. The children occasionally thank me for the lessons I have learned in parenting. They comment that I have done a fair job of “reparenting.” As God parents me and I understand His patterns and principles I can apply them in the family. Thankfully He does a more consistent job than I do because I always have a permanent and perfect model to follow.

This week carefully ponder: 1) How deeply do I desire to know God as a father? 2) What Biblical principles can I apply to my family life? 3) When do I most enjoy parenting?

Words of Wisdom: “Our heavenly father is a permanent parent.”
Wisdom from the Word: “See what sort of love the Father has given to us: that we should be called God’s children – and indeed we are!” (1 John 3:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 5, 2024

Fred was considered a mentor by countless young business men – many of whom he met when speaking on college campuses. One was Jarrell McCracken, founder of Word Books and Records. In this excerpt of vintage 1960 material Fred speaks to their national sales force.

Fear Can Be Beaten

As I see it fear is one of the two biggest problems in sales; discouragement is the other. I can give you a lot of quick, easy answers, but they have a problem – they don’t work. They make wonderful articles and sell well, but are actually only aspirin tablets.

Tonight I don’t want to talk about aspirin. I want to talk about the causes of fear and to overcome it. You don’t have fear? Don’t kid me or yourself – all salesmen have fear.

Let me sum up the five of the basic reasons for the “why” of fear:

1) People will find out we’re insincere. Layden Stroud, one of the foremost insurance men in Dallas always says “people don’t care how much I know until they know how much I care.’
2) We are there for selfish reasons. Who is uppermost in our mind – the good of the prospect or the personal value of the sale? Great salesmen believe when they leave the client genuine value has been contributed.
3) Our pride gets hurt when we tell someone we are salesmen and they immediately say “no.” When meeting someone for the first time how do you answer their question,” What do you do?”
4) We don’t have adequate knowledge. An old training adage is “he who stops learning stops getting better.” Prospects know when we know – and when we don’t.
5) We haven’t done our homework and we are unprepared for the appointment. It is said that the successful do what the unsuccessful are unwilling to do. Good luck is where preparation and opportunity intersect. Fear often evaporates in the heat of solid preparation.

I am convinced fear is selfishness; fear is pride; and fear is ignorance. Therefore, fear is wrong. The Bible tells us we are not given the spirit of fear. And also we read that perfect love casts out fear.

Confidence and fear can come from the same root. For example, many of my friends know I love sports cars. We had one delivered the other day and I drove my wife over to Petersburg, Virginia. I love to put a car through its paces in the mountains. I was doing some curves (quiet, gentle ones, of course) thoroughly enjoying the car’s performance. Mary Alice who does not share my enthusiasm began showing nervousness. In our many years of marriage and road trips we have encountered several thousand curves without any trouble. This has given me confidence. However, for Mary Alice it has increased her fear. She figures the law of averages says an accident is due; I believe this record gives experience and confidence. If you think: “Boy, I’ve sold four out of the last five customers I’m bound to lose the next few, this is fear. But if you say, “Boy, I’ve sold four out of the last five I have quite a streak going!” That is an experience-based, confident approach.

Fear is a reality, but it doesn’t have to immobilize. Check carefully on your sincerity, your motivation, your preparation, and your pride. Are you convinced what you are doing is a fair exchange for your time and energy because you and your products were there? If so, then you can go in faith, not fear. You can have the spirit of confidence, not cowardice.

This week think carefully about: 1) I may not be in professional sales, but I how can these principles apply to my career? 2) What situation has created fear for me lately? 3) How genuinely prepared am I for my day to day interactions with others?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced fear is selfishness; fear is pride; and fear is ignorance. Therefore, fear is wrong.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thoughts – February 20, 2024

Fred asked questions – not just random, shallow ones, but queries which went deep to the heart of situations. When there were problems to solve he asked questions to break up the “log jam.” His philosophy was very simple: “ask a question the person wants to answer.” This week the thought features two questions Fred liked to ask himself.

Life Lessons

I have spent my life asking questions. I always work to find the key question. Here are two that I have meant a lot to me in my development.

1) Does my will control my feelings? Integrity is more a matter of the will than those of feelings. Certainly feelings are important for without them are mechanical. We are unable to connect with others through empathy or compassion. They are great implementors but poor leaders. Our will must control our feelings. The will is the single most distinguishing feature of our character. I was fortunate enough to have a Mother with an indomitable will. In spite of many physical disabilities, she persevered, often quoting Galatians 6:9: Be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not.” Leadership demands a strong will – not a selfish or stubborn will but a determined will to do what needs doing. By will we overcome our yen for pleasure and our satisfaction with mediocrity. There is a will which the leader must give to them in the organization who lack it. This does not blind us to the importance of emotion. It does, however, wring out the rationalization and procrastination that can attack us. Our will, not our feelings must be charged with the ultimate responsibility for our actions.

2) Is grace real for me? The great saints knew grace was genuine, real, personal, and palpable. Brother Lawrence, Frank Laubach, Francis Fenelon all had no doubt that they were the constant recipients of God’s amazing grace. It was a practical part of their everyday life. For example, Brother Lawrence said that when he made a mistake he didn’t spend any time thinking about it — he simply confessed it and continued on. He told God that without Him falling is natural. Before I read that, I lingered over guilt, thinking “immediate grace is too good to be true.” Brother Lawrence’s experience and counsel greatly released me. Nevertheless legalism appeals to our human nature. I must remind myself that the very Scripture that makes me know my guilt lets me know God’s grace. By refusing grace we play God and punish ourselves. We then view events as punishment; we redefine discipline. In reality it isn’t discipline – just the natural consequences. Mistakenly, we inject our own reading of it as God’s judgment. Why? Because we feel we deserve judgment rather than grace. Grace brings freedom. If only we could accept it fully, then we, like Brother Lawrence, could admit failure, accept forgiveness, and keep on to make forward progress. Such grace cannot be deserved. When I forget that it is a gift and available, I lose its power, depth, and richness until I stop and understand that “he who is forgiven much, loves much.”

This week carefully consider: 1) What are key questions I ask myself? 2) How would I evaluate the ratio between will and feeling in my decision making? 3)When is grace most evident to me?

Words of Wisdom: “I must remind myself that the very Scripture that makes me know my guilt lets me know God’s grace.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Colossians 6:9 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 30, 2024

Fred studied “the question behind the question” long before it became a popular corporate sales training concept. He also was a student of language (spoken and body). He consistently looked to break down the differences between manifest and latent skills. He differentiated them considering the actual words used while latent is looking for what is behind what is being said.

Levels of Listening

I like to consider four levels of listening:

1) The meaning of words – even the meaning breaks down into three distinct categories: dictionary colloquial, and personal. Dictionary definitions are relatively easy. Colloquial expressions generally mean the same to everyone in the conversation; on the other hand, personal words need to be carefully understood. Communication can be hindered when personal words are misused or misunderstood.

2) The choice of words – while the meaning of words is largely manifest, the choice of words moves into the latent category. Word choice can give a rather reliable evaluation of a person’s depth of intelligence, scope of interest, ability to think in principles or techniques, as well as the moral basis of the expression. The choice of words demonstrates the speaker’s emotions. Our feelings show through in the description of individuals and situations. The news media has great skill in coloring reportage by choosing emotionally charged words.

3) The sound of words – a key to masterful listening is shutting out the meaning and the choice and focusing only on the sound. Fox ample, the rhythm many times gives us a cue to the person’s emotional nature, as well as the familiarity with the subject. Coming out of church one day I asked our younger daughter what she thought about the sermon. “Dad, I couldn’t get the words to go into my ears.” Mary Alice enjoys the British comedies, but I am like our daughter — I can’t get the words (probably the accent) go into my ears. Part of sound is the pitch and speed. As the speaker gets more excited the pitch becomes more intense and the speed increases. Tone is another aspect of sound. A nasal tone usually leaves a negative impression. Think of children who whine. Change of pace is an interesting part of sound. Often when a speaker is speaking to an important point will slow down, lower their tone, and change the pace. Sound is a central part of latent listening. Two other aspects are pauses and mistakes. Usually breaks occur when the speaker is thinking about two words or phrases simultaneously.

4) The sight of words – I know we don’t actually see the words, but we do see the physical expression in the gestures which are used. Are they friendly or hostile? Open or closed? What is the facial expression, particularly the movement of the mouth? Do they have any facial tics or body movements which are significant? Other sight clues are clothes and office environment.

In the decades I have studied listening I have seen those who study in order to manipulate, not create more effective communication. It is a method of diagnosis, much like a physician’s. He evaluates in order to treat. Good listeners hear the words spoken and unspoken. We listen to better lead.

This week think about: 1) How much time have I spent developing my listening skills? 2) Who models both manifest and latent listening well? 3) Which situations stimulate my listening abilities? Which hinder?

Words of Wisdom: “Manifest listening is considering what the person is saying; latent is that which is behind the spoken words.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 16, 2024

Fred learned to hug… no, Fred chose to learn to hug. His thoughts on the importance of physical touch illustrate how a man who grew up in a generation of non-hugging men discovered the power. His grandchildren benefited from the time with a Grandfather who appreciated their warm hugs.

Hugs Are Important

One of my ongoing studies is the subject of therapeutic touch. I have been working on it for several years. I got interested in it because the President of the Sloan-Kettering Institute said to the AMA during an address. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well, because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, ‘You’re gonna get well.’”

I read of an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did a telephone Interview for the University of Nebraska. At the time that was an interesting new interview technique. The interviewer is sitting with a large audience at a conference or academic classroom. The hour is spent asking and answering questions. In preparation for this session they sent me the school magazine. Interestingly, there was a poem written by Donna Swanson. It expresses her thoughts about touch and aging. It triggered distinct emotions about her words on the loneliness which accompanies lack of human touch.

When my Mother was 80 years old (she lived to be 93) she began noticeably aging. Her once porcelain smooth skin wrinkled badly and her military-like posture began to slump. It surprised me and also reminded me that one of the negative aspects of aging is the lack of physical touch. By this time my Dad had been gone for over twenty years, her “boys” grew up and moved away, and she lived in an apartment by herself. I finally realized she suffered from the lack of the physical, tactile element in relationships. In her very old-fashioned way she would greet the grandchildren with, “Come give Nanny some sugar!” She wanted to show her love by giving healthy hugs, but it often frightened the little ones.

Studies show the reticence to touch older people is not uncommon. In nursing homes many of the residents will sit for days without visitors and specifically without any touch.

I realized I had quit touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again and it made a big difference… to her and to me.

I was speaking at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a Christian meeting. Afterwards a quiet, shy woman stood at the back and waited for me to finish talking with other people. In speaking you always notice those who purposely wait because they usually have to something specific to say. She finally walked up to me. She wasn’t over 5 feet tall, so she looked up at me and said, “Would you hug me?” I said, “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who do I need to hug? 2) Why do I think people avoid physical contact with the elderly? 3) How can I become more aware of my own need for a hug?

Words of Wisdom: “I realized I had quit touching my Mother. Recognizing this, I started hugging her again and it made a big difference… to her and to me.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Pure and undefiled religion before God the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their adversity and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 9, 2024

Fred thought. One of his friends commented yesterday that thinking was not a hobby, but a way of life for him. In his last years he spent hours undergoing dialysis. During these sessions each week he took ideas, chased them down, and then distilled them into “material” for his Saturday home meetings known as “Fred in the Bed.” He observed current culture, measured it against bedrock principles and then shared with others.

The Good Life

“Living the good life” means being winners, feeling good, experiencing a non-stop high. Looking like TV commercials is the desired effect. When we get down it merely means we are in the “before” portion, but the “after” is on the way. Sitcoms and commercials solve problems in lightning speed making any problems look like a mere moment. The truth is: the offered solution may actually just be another layer of an essential problem.

Consciousness altering substances promise instantaneous relief. Real life doesn’t work that way; nature cannot transform us that quickly. Process is serialized, not one episode. This way of thinking leads too many to seeking spiritual highs and quick fixes. Spiritual transformation isn’t overnight. “Living on the mountaintop” thinking leads to immature, incomplete spiritual development. Theologians call the lifelong change sanctification. Positive change in blinding speed with nonstop happiness is contrary to human experience.

The always winning philosophy fails because it is unreal and requires artificial, synthetic, inauthentic dependence leading to addiction. The sudden high cannot endure.

The core hurts and pains are surrounded by a periphery. In the beginning we can find temporary answers, but the essential problem isn’t touched. The problem continues to grow until one day the pain consumes the entire core and the effort to find a temporary fix is impossible. Friends of mine have chosen destructive behavior, irrational decisions, and even suicide as the way to avoid facing the full impact of festered pain. Great men have sacrificed self-respect in their effort to run away from deep hurt.

What is the answer? The rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit. Nothing satisfies like the washing and changing through the Spirit. The power of regeneration allows us to translate head knowledge into living experience. There is risk in reformation – it cannot be experienced on a trial basis. The Christian life is a total risk. But the good life through faith is truly the only genuine way to enduring satisfaction. All other efforts and substitutions have a short shelf life. They may work for a season, but ultimately fizzle and fail.

This week think about: 1) When do I trade long term growth for a temporary win? 2) How can I model maturity in my work, family, church? 3) Who mentors me in choosing to play the long game?

Words of Wisdom: “Great men have sacrificed self-respect in their effort to run away from deep hurt.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might for the display of all patience and steadfastness.” (Colossians 1:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 2, 2024

Fred grew up with limited financial resources. Unable to attend college, he often joked about his only time on campus was when he was invited to address the student body. Often he was asked to be the commencement speaker and received two honorary doctorates. This week we excerpt one of these addresses.

Editor’s Note: The Weekly Thought for December 19th featured an illustration given to Fred by his long time friend Ben Haden, television host, author, and pastor. Apparently, autocorrect decided Ben’s surname needed a “y” making it Hayden. Apologies to the many friends who pointed out the additional letter.

Heart Qualities

I would like to talk about a few heart qualities.

The difference in you today and yesterday is that you have now assumed the responsibility to be your own teacher. Plato said if the teachers have done their job correctly they have awakened in the student a teacher enabling the person to live being both student and teacher. My friend Jack Modesett said that his life changed as a sophomore at Princeton when he found the joy of learning. He graduated magna cum laude and now lives magna cum laude because he is both teacher and student.

Let me give you two qualities of an educated heart.

1) A taste for the full life
Professor William James referred to it as “thickness,” meaning that life has a full dimension. It is more than surface level. Christ described this as “the abundant life.” The Menninger Clinic in studying mature individuals said that one of the traits is a life which exhibits a confluence of stimulation from a variety of sources. They are more than uni-dimensional.
I see individuals whose function has taken over their personhood. We get our strokes from our function, but our joy from our being. It is possible that a preacher or missionary or ministry leader can become a function just as easily as an executive, professional, or athlete. They are no longer fully orbed.

2) The love of truth
We live in a fantasy world created by media, advertising, political propaganda – even religious propaganda. Their primary aim is not always dealing in truth. After becoming President of Notre Dame University, Father Hesburgh was given three rules which guided Father Cavanaugh, his predecessor. The three were: “be right – be human – be humble.” When David Rockefeller asked Father Hesburgh to join the board of Chase Manhattan Bank, he laughed and said, “I am a priest. I have never even had a personal bank account and now you ask me to be a director of this prestigious financial institution.” David Rockefeller replied, “Father Hesburgh, if we don’t know how to run a bank we shouldn’t be here. What we need is somebody skilled in knowing what is morally right. You have your education in philosophy and theology and we want you to help us know what is right.” Father Hesburgh said that sometimes during the board meetings when they got into an ethical discussion Mr. Rockefeller would turn to him and say, “Father, tell us what is right.” Then without thinking about profitability, political astuteness, or popular acclaim, I tried to tell them what was morally right.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do I use as the standard for truth and morality? 2) Who helps me stay on track? 3) How can my faith make a difference in my decisions?

Words of Wisdom: “We get our strokes from our function, but our joy from our being.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 26, 2023

Fred tolerated laziness and boredom poorly – if at all. When their children were growing up in the late 50s and 60s it was quite fashionable as teenagers to be bored. They soon learned their parents had a quick cure – work. Tasks were readily available for just such groaning and moaning.

Overcoming Boredom

Boredom is the dry rot of the soul. It comes when we feel that what we’re doing isn’t worth the time nor is it interesting, worthwhile, or challenging. Boredom can be the result of living too efficiently and less effectively. When our life becomes a series of habits and routines, then our creative juices are not stirred up enough to avoid boredom.

Oftentimes we hear children say to their parents, “I’m bored.” The best answer for that is a question: “What are you going to do about it?” we need to learn very early the response to boredom is our own responsibility, not that of others. If we stay bored too long we escape into pseudo-sophistication or melancholia, refusing to lift ourselves by our emotional bootstraps out of the quagmire. I would make three suggestions to the bored:

1) Break up the repetition of life. Sometimes the most simple changes will help because they help us use our minds rather than relying on automatic habits. When I was speaking constantly I would find a talk became boring, so I would rearrange the point just to increase my interest and concentration. Routine is needed for efficiency, but life is more than good time management.

2) Add something good to your life. Start a new activity, begin a new hobby, see the old things in new ways, start new friendships, and associations. Do something specific for others each day. Enroll in a course, sign up for a film series, symphony concert, summer theater, athletic event, Bible study – but do something good! Remembering the more bored you are, the less interested you will be when you begin, but the greater your interest the more interesting you will become.

3) Take something bad out of your life… things that need correcting. The sedentary life is a good place to start making a change. “Goofing off” may need redefinition. For example, one of the most interesting men I know has decided not to read the daily newspaper. He recognized so much of it is repetitious and absolutely of no earthly value. Some of us may need to stop an activity which is nothing but activity. Surely you can find something to throw out. We spent one New Year’s Eve in Naples, Italy. During that night we quickly became acquainted with their quaint custom of throwing things out the window that they don’t want to carry into the New Year. The streets became so littered that no vehicles could travel them for hours. It seemed everyone had something to throw out of the window.

The war on boredom can begin the same way – throwing away what isn’t needed. After all, boredom is a sign of poor self-management and that is a waste of talent, gifts, and resources.

This week carefully consider: 1) When do I find myself fighting boredom? 2) How can I help others with the tendency to get stuck? 3) What questions should I be asking myself to assess my vitality?

Words of Wisdom: “Boredom is the dry rot of the soul.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 19, 2023

Fred was known for his problem solving skills. He did not gravitate toward difficulties. In fact, he preferred healthy organizations and relationships. However, his exceptional discernment equipped him for analyzing and assessing problem situations with objectivity.

Making a Problem Solving Plan

Any problem can be approached in an objective, logical way. Organizing the facts and building an active plan keeps you from taking a passive posture.

1. Accept the seriousness of the problem
A good friend was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is serious. It is not psychosomatic. It cannot be handled through denial, affirmations, or positive thinking. One of my earthier friends said, “you can’t cure diarrhea by ignoring it.” That may be a little raw, but it certainly is memorable. The cure to any major problem starts with acceptance.

2. Externalize the problem
I am indebted to my friend Dr. Kevin Gill for the major contribution to my understanding of illness. When I was covered with penicillin poison I said to him, “Kevin, my body is sick, but I am not.” He smiled and said, “You are the kind who will get well.” Then he told me that executives are the easiest to cure because they have a practice of externalizing their problems, organizing them, and working on them objectively. He said the most difficult one are those who internalize their problems, thinking the problem is caused as punishment, through unfairness, or evidence of guilt.

I was speaking to a large audience and noticed a young man on the front row with a serious disability. Afterwards he came up and said to me, “Mr. Smith, I have a disability, but the disability doesn’t have me.”

(Note: Fred later on in his season of physical deterioration he made a sign saying “I am not disabled, but delightfully dependent.”)
Ben Hayden who pastored the First Presbyterian Church in Chattanooga told me of a member who was diagnosed with leukemia. He told Ben his road to a cure began when he became “a student of my disease.” This meant that simply as a third party he was going to study his disease. He was going to externalize the problem.

3. Use the problem as a learning experience
I have a friend when diagnosed with cancer remarked, “I have a new mentor: cancer. In my mind I think of it as Professor C.” There’s real wisdom in never losing the good in a bad situation. There is seldom, if ever, a bad experience that doesn’t contain some good. And as we learn we have the opportunity and responsibility to share with others what we have been taught.

(Note: when Fred began dialysis he sat down and wrote about his perspective. He called it Dialysis University. It outlined his philosophy of anticipation, expectation, and approach.)

I hope you will find a plan in these quick points about organizing your approach to problems. Accept the problem – don’t duck!
Externalize it – put the problem in the third person and learn from it – find the good in the suffering. The challenge is to take control and not falter – keep moving.

Think carefully about: 1) What am I facing right now? 2) What is coming close to overwhelming me? 3) Am I running from problems or facing them?

Words of Wisdom: “Never lose the good of a bad situation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Look, you desire integrity in the inner man; you want me to possess wisdom.” (Psalm 51:6 NET Bible)