Weekly Thought – September 17, 2024

Fred masterfully grasped his priorities. He never bought into the busyness philosophy of executive life. Consequently, he accomplished his mission without adopting a frantic lifestyle. In writing about time he considered temptations that derailed effective living.

Time Killers

Sometimes we can outwit ourselves in the war for time. I’ve noticed three temptations that pull us aside.

1) Procrastination. If I ever get around to it, I am going to run for President of the National Procrastination Society. The problem is I just haven’t gotten around to it. An executive startled me once by saying he wasn’t taking his briefcase I asked why. “Well, I analyzed my work, and all day long I was sorting papers to take home at night. I found out I might as well just go ahead, make decision, and stop sorting papers.” A lot of procrastination is based on our fear of action. In Texas we have an apt expression for this: “fixin’ to.” Avoiding a wrong decision, or failure makes some assume the over preparer role. Exhaustion without results is a waste of time and energy.

2) Rationalization. Trying to prove to yourself you weren’t wrong kills time. I would be so much better to say, “I messed up.” As a speaker it is tempting to blame a bad speech on the crowd. But it wasn’t the fault of the audience; I just wasn’t on. How much easier and time saving that would be. Accepting full responsibility allows learning to occur. Shifting blame is a foolish exercise. Mary Alice and I often reminded the children “when you point your finger at someone else to take the blame you have four fingers pointing back at yourself.” Own the mistakes.

3) Indecision. I once knew an executive who had a sign on his desk: THE DEFINITE ANSWER IS MAYBE. He worked unbelievable hours. Instead of making decision he wandered around the office talking to people about the decision delaying and often falling into the pit of maybe. My mentor, Maxey Jarman once said to me, “Fred, many people can make good decisions, but they won’t.” I see this in those who don’t want to put their egos on the line.

Besides these three temptations let me mention two self-destructive tendencies:

1) Too many sick days. Whether through bad habits, avoiding responsibility, or a mistaken definition of self-care, sick days are costly for those wanting to be productive.

2) Financial problems. Failing to delay gratification and getting into debt are definite hindrances to full concentration.
Time management is a critical element of a healthy, productive life. Discipline and self-control are key factors.

This week seriously consider: 1) Which of the three temptations troubles me? 2) When do I fall into the self-destructive habits? 3) Who models healthy productivity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “In Texas we have an apt expression for procrastination: “fixin’to.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So he said to them, “Why are you sleeping? Get up and pray that you will not fall into temptation!”(Luke 22:46 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 23, 2024

Fred’s memo to Maxey Jarman, chairman of GENESCO, on character demonstrates his thinking and sheds light on his friendship with “M.J.” as he denoted his mentor. His analysis is a window into his principle-based life. In his first book, You and Your Network, he develops the importance of heroes.

Heroes

I am interested in a man’s heroes. It tells me much of what he wants to become. Your example of duty fulfillment is now a part of my life. I now have a miniature version in my life – not as perfect an expression as yours, but a genuine one. As Tozer said, “My flame may be small, but it is real.” I noted when I read Tozer’s words, “a small flame can start a real fire better than a large neon sign.”

Somehow I caught your love of work. You were the first to get me to experience the excitement of accomplishment. Others tried; you succeeded. Why they failed, I don’t know. Somehow I could accept and be challenged by your example. It certainly was not your verbal spoken teaching on your precepts because you rarely said anything about them.

Each of us must pick our own heroes. We need the example of others for our character building. Years ago I picked seven character traits I needed and selected a person to personify each one. I asked each person to send me a framable photograph. I placed these pictures on my office wall and looked to their traits. They were my personified examples – their word had become flesh and I dwelt among them. You, of course, were one of them. Thanks! I put Sallman’s Christ at the top and a mirror at the bottom.

To properly exercise one’s sense of responsibility is to build his own character. Therefore, my responsibility to set an example for those looking to me became a growing incentive toward personal character building. I know those I am responsible, but I don’t know who else is watching. We never do, do we? Really frightening.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who taught me something that stuck when others failed? 2) What was it? 3) Who is watching me right now?

Words of Wisdom: “A small flame can start a real fire better than a large neon sign.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And entrust what you heard me say in the presence of many others as witnesses to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.” (2 Timothy 2:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 16, 2024

Fred regularly challenged himself and others to “keep current.” His reminder to leave the “used to’s” behind struck home as colleagues and friends aged. Living on past experiences solely limits relevance. Choosing what one would wish it to be rather than what it is was considered by Fred to be a waste of time. This excerpt from a Highland Park Presbyterian Elliott class lesson in the 1980s proves principal-based thinking is timeless and timely.

Fact or Fantasy

No matter how beautifully or reasonably a situation is defined it is no more than fantasy if not based on truth. I am particularly impressed at this time with all the politicians vying for the presidency. They are telling us of the panaceas they can provide if elected. They list all the major problems and tell us they will solve them once they are in charge of the government. They have made one big miscalculation. They have the wrong concept of human nature.

Humanity is flawed and cannot be perfected by governmental programs. Welfare, no matter how well intentioned, that does not require individuals to be responsible will create perpetual dependence.

Once I fortuitously had breakfast with the well-known commentator David Suskine the morning after he debated Bill Buckley (who cut him to ribbons). Suskine, however, maintained a gracious spirit. I opened up the breakfast by saying I admired his attitude my politics were conservative. I asked him, totally aware and respectful of his intellectual capabilities: “How does a man as learned as you take your political and philosophical position?”

“In order to be a liberal you must first believe in the basic goodness of man,” was his reply.

I told him with that statement he gave me a complete understanding of his position. I went on to say I believed in the doctrine of man’s original sin. He said, “That is a horrible thought.” I asked him if it was a thought or a fact. Sometimes in order to control a subject we will rename – and misname – it.

I further told him that if I believed in the basic goodness of man than I would freely support education, and financial aid as the solution to social ills. But if humanity is basically sinful and we provide privileges without responsibilities we could create monsters. I feel many of our programs fail because we do not understand the sin nature of humanity.

The imperfectability of humanity is a fact. Programs built on the basic goodness of humanity is built on fantasy. Faulty conclusions are the natural result.

This week think about: 1) How clear am I in my fact v. fantasy thinking? 2) Where does wishing alter the actual situation? 3) How much time have I spent thinking about the nature of man?

Words of Wisdom: “Humanity is flawed and cannot be perfected by governmental programs.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Look, I was guilty of sin from birth, a sinner the moment my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought -July 2, 2024

Fred thoroughly enjoyed his work as a management consultant. Companies called him to help build strategies around employee relations, sales/marketing direction, and clarity in sticky situations. He famously talked about the “key log.” He explained that as logs traveled down rivers they would frequently get stuck. Rather than expend energy trying to straighten the mess the loggers knew to find the “key log,” extricate it, and the flow would continue. He knew how to create conversations to identify key logs and start the flow again. Fred never quit!

Don’t Ever Give Up

I am convinced there are 5 don’ts for successful living: 1) Don’t ever give up; 2) Don’t look back; 3) Don’t delay accepting failure; 4) Don’t settle for “it might have been;” and 5) Don’t panic. This morning let’s look at number one: Don’t Ever Give Up.

One time I was working with J. Mack Swigert, esteemed attorney with the Taft Law Firm in Cincinnati, on an extremely difficult labor negotiation. It was not only difficult; it seemed impossible for us to win. Feeling the need for a mattress to fall on in the event of loss, I started listing the various reasons we might not win. He stopped me cold with this comment: “Fred it’s better to win. You don’t have to explain a win, and you can’t explain a loss.” Then he added with a smile, “Clients pay better fees for winning.”

A person should never spend time thinking about reasons for giving up, for slowing down, or stopping. This is preciously why the follow through in golf is so important. Every golf pro strives for the high finish. Actually, it doesn’t have anything to do with hitting the ball; it comes after the ball is struck. But follow through shows that the golfer didn’t start stopping before hitting the ball. Most duffers start the process of stopping the club before striking. The high follow through is evidence of not quitting. In similar fashion, a person who develops the habit of winning won’t quit at a crucial time, either consciously or unconsciously.

I once held a seminar for young men with serious financial losses from an economic downturn. It was their first time to lose, and they were shaky, and confused. We called the seminar: For Losers, not Quitters. Losing is a temporary condition; quitting is an attitude.

Mike Todd, the Hollywood mogul once said, “I have been broke many times, but never poor.” Broke was temporary; poor was an attitude. Broke is in the pocket; poor is in the mind.

This week carefully consider: 1) When have I confused losing and quitting? 2) How needs me to explain the difference? 3) Where can I kick some key logs to get better flow?

Words of Wisdom: “A person should never spend time thinking about reasons for giving up, for slowing down, or stopping.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14 ESV)

Weekly Thought – June 11, 2024

Fred and Mary Alice lived close to the Cooper Aerobics Center in Dallas. He used to joke that he loved exercise. In fact, so much that on Saturday mornings he would stop by his favorite donut shop then drive over to the Cooper Center. As he drank his coffee and munched on his donut he would watch the runners circle around the track!

Relaxing for Health

Physical and emotional health is aided by relaxation. It helps the healing that comes from within when the motor is allowed to idle. The test of beneficial relaxation is that it gives more energy than it requires. We should come away from recreation re-created, not destroyed. How many times do you hear “I need a vacation to recover from my vacation?” That is not relaxation.

In this high energy environment we often let our peers set the standard for our relaxation. To be fun it must almost be hysterical. The idea of “extreme” physical exertion leads to burn-out.

Controlled recreation is not relaxing. I’ve seen the control types who say “alright, for the next five minutes we will relax” at a sales meeting. Or, heard children ask Type A fathers, “Are we having fun, yet, Daddy?”

One of the keys to my personal relaxation was understanding the sovereignty of God. When I found out He’s going to be able to continue running the world after I die I relaxed. When I fully realized God loves me, but doesn’t need me I found total relaxation. I could let go.

What most of us need to do is simply give ourselves permission to relax without guilt. A friend who travels internationally has found a short nap is a way to successfully recover from jet lag. He has incorporated it into his personal “standard operating procedure.” He found many couldn’t accept this for it created “work ethic guilt.” In my twenties when I was in charge of a factory and had my office in the building I took off my coat, climbed up on my conference table and took a nap. The President (and my mentor) was energetically wired could never understand this. We agreed to disagree because the results were there.

I am convinced the seventh day of rest wasn’t just for spiritual rejuvenation, but physical and emotional recovery. Thomas Kelley, the Quaker theologian and philosopher, wrote of finding the “quiet center” of life which cannot be disturbed by anything in life. Resting one day a week is a helpful tool and definitely finding genuine, authentic relaxation is a way to the quiet center.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I use leisure time for true re-creation? 2) When do I feel the pressure of production which compromises my health? 3) When I think about Sabbath what comes to mind?

Words of Wisdom: “Physical and emotional health is aided by relaxation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the one who enters God’s rest has also rested from his works, just as God did from his own works.” (Hebrews 4:10 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought -June 4, 2024

Fred once said his “distillation process” was in born. He could take bountiful information and bring it down to helpful, transferable principles. He said as he worked through he would come to a point where he saw the “one liner” as clearly as if it were written on the wall. Principle-based thinking became a leadership trend long after Fred began operating this way.

Principles from a Dramatic Rescue

In 1987 the dramatic rescue of Jessica McClure held out constant attention. Since then we have had numerous news episodes, but this one began the “saga of spellbinders.” Do you remember the little girl who fell into the well? Her Mother’s heart condition kept her from watching. She told the rescuers, “Tell me when she comes up.” I scribbled down some principles I observed.

1) Our greatest joy can come our deepest sorrows. The length of the time she was in the well only exaggerated the relief and joy when she came up alive. The tension and the anxiety are represented in other areas of life, as well. For example, recovery from a life-threatening illness, return of a lost child, or the release of POWs.

2) Our handicaps can become opportunities. The man born without a collarbone was able to squeeze into the well where a fully formed man was blocked. All his life the volunteer suffered with his disability but then it became a strength. At times like these we think of Queen Esther and her Uncle’s words: “Perhaps you were born for such a time as this.” Our handicaps may be the ground of our greatest contributions.

3) How easily we forget our blessings. While Jessica was down in the well many around made deals with God in exchange for her safe return. It was His favor that restored her, not the “trades” made. And quickly after the emergency the source of the blessing was soon forgotten. It was no longer news!

4) Physical extrication is dramatic and exciting, but what about spiritual rescues? Would we work so diligently to save a soul fallen into the world’s well? The drama of seeing rescue teams, neighbors, and media work to bring her to the surface was electric. We all fought for her life. Would we fight as hard to free a soul from the depths of hell as we did to free Jessica from the well?

Think about this week?1) How often do I pass through my day without thinking about the principles of the experiences? 2) What would it take for me to stop and seriously think about the meaning of my family life, career, friendships, community?3) Who am I praying for a rescue from the depths of hell?

Words of Wisdom: “Data to information to knowledge to wisdom – that is the process.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Guide me into your truth and teach me. For you are the God who delivers me; on you I rely all day long.” (Psalm 25:5 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 28, 2024

Fred thought about all aspects of health. He enjoyed the friendship of medical professionals and engaged them in the philosophy of medicine. He carefully analyzed the meaning of full health (physical, financial, relational, spiritual) and monitored the elements each year (Note: These notes from Fred were dictated in the 80s. His consideration of this topic was early in the popular conversation.)

Keeping Things Healthy

I have eclectic reading interests although I stay within the categories of philosophy, psychology, and theology. This allows me to study much about both the nature of God and the nature of man. Our son, Fred once asked me, “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be your topic?” Without hesitating I answered, “The nature of God and the nature of man.”

I have been very much interested in how stress immobilizes our defense mechanisms. I feel the Bible oftentimes gives us the solution to the problem without stating the problem at all. It assumes we accept the Word as authority and that obedience will be beneficial.

Shame does not coexist with emotional health. I am thinking a lot about the relation between shame and guilt. As I see shame, it’s an evaluation of condition. Self-loathing is not equivalent to guilt which is a reaction to an act based on a personal value system. Some have no guilt after an act that would create enormous guilt in someone else. An article I read said that the only physical evidence of shame is a “turning away of the face.” Remember how Adam answered God after he had sinned, “I hid myself for I was ashamed.” I am going to continue thinking about the two concepts: shame and guilt.

Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people. Headlines about sports figures, business competitors – even ministry leaders communicate the destruction of revenge. Psychologically, revenge is known to be one of the most damaging emotions. Dr. Hans Selye, the noted Nobel Prize winning scientist, lists revenge as the #1 emotion to avoid. This just makes good sense. If you have a “hate list” – tear it up! I was having lunch with the President of a corporation going through some difficult competition. “I’m going to get those suckers!” I reminded him good, clean competition is perfectly acceptable for Christian businesses. But revenge is beyond acceptable boundaries. Filling our lives with vengeance destroys our peace, our health, and even our ability to operate with clarity.

Emotional health is part of the bedrock for good living. Establishing anchors for a life well lived is critical.

This week think about: 1) How effectively do I audit my emotional health? 2) What triggers my unhealthy emotions?3) Where are my strengths for a balanced life?

Words of Wisdom: “Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A bright look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the body.” (Proverbs 15:30 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 16, 2024

Fred considered growth a spiritual stewardship. His friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones always told people “except for the people, the places you go, and the books you read, your life will be the same in five years as it is today.” Fred challenged others to include reading, travel, and association as building blocks for growth.

Challenge Yourself to Grow

Some people with 20 years’ experience may really only have one year’s experience repeated twenty times. Often people close their lives to expansion. They eat in the same places; they repeat the same activities; and they follow the same routines. I am not sure whether it’s because they’ve truly found the best or whether they simply reach a level of comfort, get habitual, and fail to see how big, wonderful, and varied life can be. Maybe they are like the man who all his life wanted to own a bass fiddle, finally got one, brought it home, and sawed away on one note all the time. His wife couldn’t stand it any longer and asked why in the world he didn’t learn another note. With amazement he answered, “They run their hand up and down the fret board playing different notes because they are hunting, but I’ve already found it!” Think of people who never play the rich variety of tones that are available because they have found the one note that works for them.

I’ve been concerned about the boredom I see, particularly among affluent women. I don’t think they realize all of their activities are just variations of the same theme. I once saw a documentary on the social season in Palm Beach, FL. The non-stop party schedule was all in the name of one charity or another. But the socialites had to engage social secretaries just to get them to the right party at the right time in the right attire. Even when doing good this hyperactivity results in meaningless and boredom unless the people have finally just given up and considered this “the right note.”

Early in my speaking career I spoke with a New York social maven as she described her restrictive life I thought about growing up in the mill district of North Nashville. She was incarcerated in a life built of gold bars. The slums knew bars, also, but they were the iron ones enclosing prison cells. Both were locked in. After hearing her I decided, right then, that I would not ever live like that. Creating quality experiences means staying free. From my earliest life I wanted to own myself. Unfortunately I see people with a sign on them, “For sale.” Unfortunately, they think the high life is living. But, that is dying. When we don’t grow, we shrink. My life mission is stated very simply: “He stretched other.” And, I want that to be true to the last breath stretching myself, as well.

This week carefully consider: 1) Where have I mistaken concrete for roots? 2) How can I stretch this week? 3) When do I feel most alive?

Words of Wisdom: “Some people with twenty years’ experience actually have one year’s experience repeated twenty times.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the honor both now and on that eternal day.” (2 Peter 3:18 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 2, 2024

Fred often quoted Canadian Hans Selye, author of Stress without Distress. Dr. Selye, in his study on emotions found gratitude as the healthiest emotion. Fred’s respect for the work influenced his thinking and speaking.

Appreciation is a Gift

Once I was asked to speak at the graduation of a drug center in which those who completed the program asked another participant to come stand with him as he received his certificate. His gratitude for the support and friendship was clear. Then another walked up to be recognized. As he did I noticed a woman perk up. She was fortyish, very tired looking, and poorly dressed. The stress showed on her face. When this young man spoke, he thanked the institution, his sponsor, then stopped and turned to speak directly to this woman. “Thanks, Mom.” Her tears began. That may have been the first time he had thanked his mother for all she had come through with him. The gift of appreciation was experienced by both of them that day.

Throughout my business career I’ve been impressed with the importance of assistants so I have tried to get to know them personally. Just last week while I was waiting for my friend, the CEO of a large Dallas company, his executive assistant came out to visit with me while I waited. He had previously told me how much he appreciated her and how capable she was. When I told her what he said, she responded, “You mean he said that about me?” She paused and repeated, “He really said that about me? I can’t believe it!” He appreciated her greatly but simply failed to let her know. He held in his hand a gift but never gave it to her.

When I sat down to type for the first time in several weeks I found a piece of paper in my antique Selectric typewriter.
“Grandfather, whenever you get this, know that I love you. Thank you for your support and continual love. You mean a lot to me.” It wasn’t signed, but it didn’t need to be.

Mary Alice and I were attending an out of town meeting. Before it started we were shaking hands. A woman we didn’t know walked up to introduce herself. All of a sudden, her eyes lit up and she grabbed Mary Alice’s hand. “You are Fred, Jr.’s mother, aren’t you? I will never be able to express my appreciation to him for he kept our son from failing. He didn’t give up, even when our son didn’t seem worth the effort.” Our son Fred had been more than a teacher – he had given this young man the gift of encouragement. Her appreciation was then a gift to Mary Alice.

My good friend Zig Ziglar loves to say, “Catch somebody doing something good…and let them know.” That is the key to making appreciation an everyday habit.

This week think about: 1) Who can I encourage through appreciation this week? 2) What tells me I am appreciated? 3) Why do you think gratitude is a healthy emotion?

Words of Wisdom: “Appreciation is a gift we can give.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Hezekiah expressed his appreciation to all the Levites, who demonstrated great skill in serving the LORD. “ (2 Chronicles 30:22(a) NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – March 26, 2024

Fred admitted to his uncomfortable role as father to young ones. However, as the three grew they all developed relationships with him which endured. In his now-famous “last words” delivered at his own memorial service he made the startling statement: “I want to leave my children loving and respecting me, not needing me.” He and Mary Alice gave them lessons which prepared them for their absence and for their everlasting future together.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly father is permanent. He brings us into a forever relationship. God creates a bond which cannot be broken because it is fixed. Scripture says “no one can take them out of my hand.” He is a forever parent, never contingent or conditional.

In 1993 we celebrated our 56th anniversary and stopped in Austin to have lunch with a life-long pastoral friend. He told us of a woman who had been in counseling for over 20 years. She was still struggling with the failure to ever please her father. She was a good student who brought home high marks only to hear “Don’t they give any A+ grades down there?” She was crushed. Our relationship with God is not like that one. Our acceptance is based strictly on His love.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is expressed by the Apostle Paul: “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When our daughter Brenda went to college she lettered that verse on a card and added “nor Denison University” recognizing that no place could be strong enough to shake the permanent nature of God’s hold.

Maturity brings us into this permanent relationship with God the father. There is an intimacy in the perfect relationship. But I have found that intimacy cannot be planned. It cannot be a task or a number one priority. Intimate conversation has to come about naturally. All we can do is give it the opportunity, the honesty, and openness to appreciate it when it does come. Confidence in the permanence of the relationship whether spiritual or human creates a platform from which intimacy can grow. When we are secure in the enduring quality we have the freedom to open up. Prayer grows as we know Him – and understand that we are known.

On a human basis, I find the perfect human relationship is when we gain mutual respect for each other. We become each other’s teacher and mentor. I now recognize my children are able to teach me just as much as I am able to teach them… and sometimes more. This lesson is taught through shared lives, trusting experiences, and lifelong work. The children occasionally thank me for the lessons I have learned in parenting. They comment that I have done a fair job of “reparenting.” As God parents me and I understand His patterns and principles I can apply them in the family. Thankfully He does a more consistent job than I do because I always have a permanent and perfect model to follow.

This week carefully ponder: 1) How deeply do I desire to know God as a father? 2) What Biblical principles can I apply to my family life? 3) When do I most enjoy parenting?

Words of Wisdom: “Our heavenly father is a permanent parent.”
Wisdom from the Word: “See what sort of love the Father has given to us: that we should be called God’s children – and indeed we are!” (1 John 3:1 NET Bible)