Weekly Thought – December 13, 2022

Fred chose to live in the active tense, rarely in passive voice. He deliberately made decisions. “Going with the flow” was not spoken in his life’s vocabulary. What were key words and concepts? Responsibility, maturity, character, productivity, discipline, and “profitable to the Master” represented him.

Path To Maturity

“Fred, what are you really talking about when you say maturity?” An excellent question.

It is certainly not old age though most of us mistakenly expect to reach maturity and old age simultaneously. Look around: don’t you see many immature, selfish, irritable, and narrow-minded old folks? They have not matured with age, and no matter how long they live they will stay the same as they are right now… or slip into even deeper immaturity.

Maturity is a path we choose consciously and follow conscientiously.

The younger one sets out on the path, the more opportunity they have to achieve maturity. The real satisfaction in reaching greater levels, the greater the benefits. There will be fewer mistakes to correct; fewer hurt feelings to mend; and many more compounded returns from good decisions.

“Well, Fred, if maturity is not old age, then what is it?”

My best definition is a quiet center surrounded by life segments. As a schematic it looks like a sliced grapefruit. The key for me is that all areas of my life are related and grouped around the center. I adopted the quiet center from the Quaker philosopher Thomas Kelley who felt every life should have a place in our heart that is immune to being disturbed and all is well. When I first read I envied him this and made it my aim to acquire such an attitude.

For me it had to be a dynamic quiet center, not a passive one. The difference is vital. I think of quiet as stable, and well-positioned like the turning gyroscope in the airplane’s instrument panel from which the other instruments get their direction.

Christ has this dynamic quietness that could not be thrown off course. Yet He could retreat into the desert for a visit with His Father. When people think of quiet as the passive absence of noise or disturbance they aren’t thinking clearly. It is not that at all. I remember the prize-winning picture of a bird on her nest in the crevice of the cliff while the storm whirled around her. Her confidence was in her quietness – in knowing what she should be doing – and doing it. That is peace.

This week think about: 1) How would I describe maturity? 2) What plan do I have to actively pursue maturity? 3) Who demonstrates gracious, wise, and mature aging?

Words of Wisdom: “Maturity is a path we choose consciously and follow conscientiously.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 22, 2022

Fred and Mary Alice established gratitude and thanksgiving as foundational for their family. They built into each child “Be A Blessing” was an essential part of the family vocabulary. Thanksgiving was Mary Alice’s favorite family celebration. And all year long whenever the family gathered around the table she would smile and say, “Now, THIS is Thanksgiving!”

Count Your Blessings

Gratitude is a very positive emotion. Han Selye gives it high marks in his celebrated spectrum of emotions. The grateful are among the happiest, most balanced individuals. They have an outward view of life. They have kept the old ritual of “counting blessings.”

Gratitude should start with the very basics: life, health, adequate food, clothing and shelter, love among relations, freedom, and a personal relationship with God. Too often we take the basics for granted. And focusing on the “big blessings” can distract us from recognizing and acknowledging those we just assume.

When I first read in the Psalms that God asks for “the sacrifice of gratitude” I wondered how that could be. Then on further consideration I saw when we are grateful we appreciate that another has done something for us we could not do for ourselves. The arrogant, self-sufficient ones find gratitude difficult. Too often we want others to need us, but resent needing others. God is saying to us He wants our egos to say, “Thank you. I need you – or as the hymnist says, “I need you every hour.” This is a humbling experience, but it is also exhilarating.

Have you stopped recently to make a list of things for which you are grateful? I hadn’t, so as I was thinking about this I quickly jotted down some: feet I can still use to walk 18 holes; a back that doesn’t hurt all the time; eyes for reading and seeing loved ones; punctuation, because without it I would have to read text out loud; enough coordination to drive a car; some discretionary money which I never used to have; my opposing thumbs that make hands workable; a comfortable place to work and something to do; some competitive souls to argue with and a pen and paper on which I made this list.

And if you need help, you can always add Heaven, grace, forgiveness, and the presence of the Spirit.

Have you made your list? If you’re not thankful by now, then shame on you. And if shame doesn’t work, then start writing down the reasons others should be grateful for you. That very short list might develop a great deal of gratitude.

This week carefully consider: 1) How long has it been since I made a gratitude list? 2) What difference would gratitude make in my personal and professional relationships? 3) Who needs to hear “Thank you?”

Words of Wisdom: “…When we are grateful we appreciate that another has done something for us we could not do for ourselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD strengthens and protects me; I trust in him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to him in gratitude.” (Psalm 28:7 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 8, 2022

Fred took a piece of paper, a pencil (always), drew a line down the middle and put emotions on the left side which hindered his mental health and helpful ones on the right. Then in true Fred fashion focused on the right side of the paper. One of the primary ones was “excitement.” This week we share some of his thoughts.

What’s Exciting?

Without excitement life is flat, blah, and boring. We become negative, lethargic, and even difficult to be around. Therefore, we need to keep the energy flowing, not only personally, but professionally and certainly in our families. The wonderful news is that we can manage this element.

Often I ask other “what is exciting in your life?” I especially do this when I sense the charge in their battery is weak. For me, it is exciting to find various ways in which others might enjoy an excitement boost.

Sometimes people respond by asking me what is on my list: learning new things, meeting new people with common interests, visiting with old friends, developing others, starting new projects, wrestling with strange ideas, exploring theories I question, thinking up techniques that spring from common principles; analyzing problems and writing their parts. (By the way, I am writing this as I wait to go to Sunday School where I would be bored if it weren’t for the excellent teacher who knows how to make almost any subject exciting.) I think it would be a good discipline for teachers to decide that at least one point in every lesson is going to spark excitement.

We have to accept the responsibility for our own excitement. Two often I hear couples complain of being bored with each other for neither is willing to create something new. They depend on circumstances which is too haphazard. Just as we must plan and work to provide necessary money, so we must plan the necessary emotional stimulation for our healthy living.

Accomplishment is one of the ways to create excitement. Often it starts with a quiet resolve then builds, providing the energy to complete the task. We can accelerate this process with simple habits. For example, when I was younger I left my car on the city streets knowing I would have to move it. Getting out in the air would wake me up for an extra hour or two of work. Accomplishment followed.

The desire for accomplishment shows up late Sunday afternoon after golf has been on TV. Driving ranges all over the country start filling up with golfers come out to see if they can do what they have been watching.

We all need to feel the satisfaction of making progress – knowing we are completing tasks we have undertaken. A key factor is seeing the progress. A piece work factory study showed employees tended toward burn out and the sense of being overwhelmed when the work pile never went down. Seeing only the unfinished work gave no satisfaction of accomplishment.

Rarely do we operate at maximum levels when we cannot see the target. The more we know the target of our activity, the most excitement we get out of the accomplishment.

This week think carefully about: 1) What gives me excitement? 2) Who needs a battery charge and a word of encouragement to schedule excitement? 3)Where do I put excitement on my priority list?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to accept the responsibility for our own excitement.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that could defile the body and the spirit, and thus accomplish holiness out of reverence for God.” (2 Corinthians 7:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – November 1, 2022

Fred, when once asked to distinguish between joy and happiness, responded: “Happiness is a bubbling stream; joy is a deep aquifer. One is temporary and on the surface; the other is underground providing water for years.” Part two of Fred’s first book You and Your Network was Joy in the Journey.

Fine Wine

Growing older should include joy. Joy is like the wine which Christ offered to the host after turning it from ordinary water in the pots. The best was saved for the last of the marriage feast.

The normal pattern is expending the energy of youth and the exuberance of young adulthood in chasing the best. They focus on happiness. Those who age well like fine wine know that the latter years can be the best – filled with joy, not just happiness. Too many waste time drinking the best first, leaving the poorer for the years of old age. They live on the crumbs of former feasts. They are defrosting frozen meals from the past and snacking on reheated scraps rather than enjoying hot, fresh dinners.

They spend their time with memories of their “good days” rather than creating new stories, new memories, and new joys. The Christian life is not like that. As Christians we have the possibility to see our usefulness continue and even grow as we age. We are to live constantly believing that “the best is yet to be.” I am not as young and mobile as I was in my twenties, but my life is far richer from the people in my life, opportunities to mentor, seeing the family grow well. These last years have provided profound joy, not just moments of happiness.

Our prayer of gratitude as we get older should be, “Thank you, Lord, for thou hast kept the best until now.” In Scripture we see the story of the servant who accept responsibilities and duties. At the end of the story we read “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into the joys of the Lord.” The end of life brought the very best.

Seeing aging as the time to experience the Lord’s joy should not be the exception – this should be the normal pattern for Christians. We should eagerly drink the best wine as we reach the end. We should, also, recognize the privilege and responsibility of “length of days” and use them in service, not self-interest.

This week think carefully about: 1) At my age am I focusing on temporary happiness or building a life which will bring long term joy? 2) Who is failing to appreciate the benefits of growing older? 3) What can I do to make sure I don’t eat scraps from earlier banquets?

Words of Wisdom: “As Christians we have the possibility to see our usefulness continue and even grow as we age.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Even when you are old, I will take care of you, even when you have gray hair, I will carry you. I made you and I will support you; I will carry you and rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 25, 2022

Fred grew up in the depths of the national depression. He grew up knowing economic downturns, as well as prosperous economic conditions. He always held to his basic principles about money: no debt, no greed, and recognition of the fact everything he had came from God. His generosity was rarely known, and his desire to serve the Lord with their resources enabled many ministries to grow.

Concern for Others

In the midst of a serious Dallas financial downturn a successful, female stock broker called me. “How is it going with you?” Since I wasn’t her client, but knew her and her reputation I asked, “Why in the middle of this chaotic time would you have time to call me?” She said, “Because I care what happens to you.” Touching.

I recently read an article saying 38 people in one day fell off the Forbes 400 list of richest people. It brings to mind how easily we can fall off a financial list, but that’s not what is ultimately important. We are to always remember to rejoice because our name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. That is a permanent list – when your name is there you cannot be removed.

Often during times of loss, particularly financial loss, we totally ignore other people. My friend Ron Ritchie sent this to me during a downturn in his life.

“I spoke to her at the bus stop, but she turned the other way.
My immediate reaction: a rush of resentment.
She’s ignoring me, and really doesn’t like me, I have always suspected it, but now I know.
“Forgive me, I didn’t see you.” (Until then I hadn’t noticed the agony lining her face.)
A hesitant pause, a catch in her voice… “I just came from the doctor’s office.
Our little boy has leukemia. It’s all a terrible nightmare.”
Lord, what loathsome selfishness!
A mother stricken with grief, her heart broken with pain
An hour of black market catastrophe and I thought only of me.
Cleanse me, Lord, sensitize me until my first concern is for others
and my last concern is for me.”

As Christians we need to be reminded, don’t we?

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I react to loss? 2) Who needs a caring word? 3) What has been my greatest loss?

Words of Wisdom: “We are to always remember to rejoice because our name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. That is a permanent list – when your name is there you cannot be removed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.” (Proverbs 22:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 18, 2022

Fred and Mary Alice were married for 67 years. On this day 107 years ago she was born in Tennessee. Raised in severe poverty, she always had a dream for a life of meaning centered around her family and faith. She and Fred met in 7th grade English class at Hume Fogg High School in Nashville. They didn’t start dating until after high school when he would wander over to the S. H. Kress store and buy candy from her, the candy counter clerk. By age 21 they married and built a life of dreams and experiences beyond their dreams. They were both always grateful and modeled this for their children.

Give Thanks

On one of my early morning workouts (meaning going out to a local shop for a donut to prepare for Mary Alice’s breakfast at home) I watched a young well-dressed man walk in, sit down next to two truckers, and pull out of gold pen. To their total disinterest, he began a conversation,” How much is this pen worth?” The first trucker said, “Okay, what is it worth? Is it gold?” “Yes, solid gold.” The trucker shrugged, “I still don’t know what it is worth. Why?” “Well, yesterday I signed away everything I owned in this world with the pen. Now I am without anything.” He became frantic and said, “I know what I’ve got to do and I’ve got the courage to do it.” With that he ran out the door.

I went home, sat in my study, and thought about what I would say had I been able. The first thing would be: “List your assets.” He was alive, healthy, free, had business experience. All in the world he didn’t have was money. As I thought about it I realized that what really happens whenever we have a loss is a shadow or cloud is pulled over all our assets and we are unable to see them – the loss is all we can see.

This young man had lost his money and suddenly was unable to see anything else – and was ready to kill himself. He had not developed the discipline of gratitude.

When people come by my office wanting to talk about their problems I try to very early in the conversation get them to list their assets. When I say assets they invariably start to list their financials. They usually fail to consider the spiritual blessings. For example, a man walked in and I said, “What are your assets?” “Well, I have a bank account. There’s not much left in it. I’ve got some equity in my house.” I stopped him and said, “Let’s go deeper. Are you alive?” Of course, he said, “Well, yes.” “You look that way to me and some people consider that high on the asset list, particularly if they are hospitalized, on chemo, or facing their last days in a hospice.” I continued, “You’re healthy? You have a loving wife? Do you have business experience?” After a few, “yeah, I guess so” responses. I knew we were making some progress.

“Now, let’s list your minor assets. These are the ones that can be measured quantitatively.”

If I can break through and get them to feel gratitude, I’ve a real foundation on which to work against their problems. However, if they keep on saying, “Yes, but…” I know we are still stuck. I keep referring them back to their list of assets until I see them get past the loss and beyond the “yes, but.”

When they’re still saying “yes, but,” they are not really grateful. They are wanting something more. Gratitude is being grateful for what you have, not for what you hope to get.

This week think about: 1) How would I start a list of assets? 2) What problems are blocking my ability to be grateful right now? 3) When does “yes, but” stop me from making progress?

Words of Wisdom: “What happens whenever we have a loss is a shadow or cloud is pulled over all our assets and we are unable to see them – the loss is all we can see.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – October 4, 2022

Fred prepared for every interaction whether it was a professional consulting appointment, a mentoring breakfast, or a visit with a grandchild. His methodology was asking questions rather than telling. He was a master at crafting questions which led to self-examination and self-discovery. He consistently asked himself questions. This week we will consider a few of them.

Knowing Myself

Relations should be evaluated externally and internally. Striving for excellence in the relation with ourselves is a worthy endeavor. The level we achieve requires the ability to put things into proper perspective. Disciplining ourselves and training ourselves is key. For example, when lonely, a healthy person joins the great writers and thinkers for an exciting evening of reading. When feeling mean, the answer is to associate with philosophers who convince us of our poverty of spirit. When frenzied, we should learn from those who exult in recreation making sure to choose those who know the difference between recreation and dissipation.

A large part of my strategy for “being on good terms with myself” is a personal assessment tool that measures the excellence of our internal relationship. Here are examples:

1) Is my self-respect increasing? Can I identify hollow spots and voids in myself? How am I handling them?
2) Am I content with what I am becoming?
3) Am I willing to be known for who I am rather than an acquired image?
4) Do I have to maneuver my relationships to avoid closeness?
5) Are my relational roots so shallow that they cannot stand adversity? Do I fear alienation from the shallowness?
6) Is power over others the central element in the relationship?
7) Am I trying to buy my way with others, binding them to me with a golden chain?
8) Am I more comfortable with my mortality as I age?
9) Am I developing deeper gratitude, believing that I have nothing but what I have been given?
10) Am I increasingly willing to give before I get?

Knowing and respecting who I am and especially the direction I am taking is a critical part of the maturity process. Stopping to have a conversation with myself assures myself of the proper trajectory.

This week think carefully about: 1) What questions am I asking myself right now? 2) Who do I trust with deep questions about myself? 3) How clear am I on my current direction?

Words of Wisdom: “Striving for excellence in the relation with ourselves is a worthy endeavor.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore consider carefully how you live—not as unwise but as wise,” (Ephesians 5:15 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – September 20, 2022

Fred understood the value of disciplined emotions. He did not deny their presence, but respected their role. He acutely analyzed them with objectivity. He had a particular gift of “standing outside himself” and doing personal assessments. In so doing he sought to know two things: his constructive strengths and his destructive weaknesses. Managing then became a process.

Fear

Dr. Clayton Bell, when pastor of Highland Park Presbyterian Church, had the chilling responsibility of telling one of his parishioners her husband, daughter son, and son-in-law were killed in their private plane. He suggested she keep a diary of her experience. She published a magnificent record of this intimate encounter with catastrophe. It has been an exceptional blessing to many. Mrs. May faced her fears honestly and dealt constructively with them. In so doing others have been enabled to deal with their fears.

In sharing our fears, we are able to overcome them.

All our fears are not directed toward death. Most are everyday, garden variety fears. Those nagging fears of self-doubt and discouragement… fears of sickness, and fears of loneliness all pull at us. While we know “God has not given us the spirit of fear” (the constant feeling of fear), we still must fight against those destructive fears which rob us of the “love, power, and sound mind” as He promised.

Some of our fears are the natural reaction to hurt and inadequacy. They are not phantoms; they are real. Therefore, we must deal realistically, not running in terror or striking out blindly without a plan.

It is only when fear becomes a hindrance to our concentration, an impediment to our normal function of enjoying life, that we have to attack it. Oftentimes we wait and it goes away. If it doesn’t, then we are responsible to keep it manageable.

Some fear is good. A proper existence needs healthy fear. The fear of failure has for years motivated winners. Athletes call it “playing for pride.” Therefore, fear can be a healthy driver so long as a moral, value structure keeps it in place. Fear turns on our juices – it is up to us to use them constructively.

Properly controlled fear becomes our cautious guide. Treated intelligently, it guides us around danger. Only when it gets out of control emotionally it leads us into dark places and finally immobilizes us. We rightly fear lions on the loose, but in the zoo they are something to study and enjoy. Just so uncontrollable fears must keep our emotional control towers in good working order. In vigilance we can control and use fear correctly.

Many years ago, Charlie McCormick of Chicago and spice fame, gave me a line he said he saw on an English pub wall: “Fear knocked at the door; faith, answered, and no one was there.”

This week think carefully about: 1) When have I been gripped by fear? 2) What plans do I have in place to deal with fear? 2) How am I modeling faith over fear?

Words of Wisdom: “Properly controlled, fear becomes our cautious guide.”

Wisdom from the Word: “It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 23, 2022

Fred never tired of thinking about the expansiveness of God. He nurtured relationships with scientists, philosophers, and theologians. Plumbing the depths of creation fascinated him. He didn’t use these times for knowledge acquisition, but as sources for contemplation.

Quiet Contemplation

Charles Kuralt let the camera and microphone “talk to us” for several minutes on his CBS show. There was no narrative allowing us to look at these beautiful evidences of spring and hearing the birds, breeze, and rippling water. I would like to have an hour daily to contemplate nature.

Americans are not much for quiet. City streets, boom boxes (those noisy boxes on the shoulders of the young), and even our church services feature noise. Church growth experts say the fastest growing churches are the loudest. They call it “celebration worship.” But I still tend to think of it as noise, joyful as it may be.

Recently I spoke to an audience containing several foreign businessmen. I discussed the value of contemplation. After I finished a man with an unusually bright face approached me. “May we have lunch? I am a Hindu and contemplation is a major part of my religion, but I don’t hear many American Christians talk about it.”

“Be still and know I am God.” This is personal worship, removing the ritual of communal worship and arriving at the reality of a one-on-one relationship with the Almighty God.

After speaking at the Convention Center in Anaheim I was walking down the hall, I saw an old friend Gerardt Dierks, the German scientist. We held out our arms and hugged. “Gerhardt, what are you excited about?” His eyes misted and he replied, “The awe of God, the awe of God!” And then he said, “Fred, can you imagine a mind that can conceive of the DNA?” For the next 45 minutes discussing the awe of God as expressed in creation.

Contemplation is not passive; it is not what we do as we fall asleep. It is intense concentration, producing high moments for those practiced in it. Think of the moments in your life which are so deep you will never forget them.

I remember standing beside Mary Alice in the hospital after she delivered our first born. She held her, counting fingers and toes. I ask myself “Do I find those same high moments of emotion in our contemplation of God?”

In contemplation our relativity with God – not our relationship, but our relativity. He is eternal; we are temporal. He is infinite; we are finite. He is Creator; we are created.

For me, the effect of contemplation is: when I am small in His presence I am utterly secure; when I am big in my humanity, I am insecure. When I lean on my own position and power I am always expecting someone else to knock me off. My smallness in Him gives me ultimate security.

For me that is the joy of quiet contemplation.

This week carefully think about: 1) How comfortable am I with quiet contemplation? 2) Why do I prefer man-made noise to God-given quiet? 3) What am I learning about myself in the quiet?

Words of Wisdom: “’Be still and know I am God.’ This is personal worship, removing the ritual of communal worship and arriving at the reality of a one-on-one relationship with the Almighty God.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, I have calmed and quieted myself like a weaned child with its mother; I am content like a young child.” (Psalm 131:2 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 9, 2022

Fred did scattershot thinking. Interviewers struggled to keep him going down just one track. One thought bounced around and bounced off others. Before the interviewer could land one idea, another direction took over. But those who understand his pattern thoroughly benefited from these conversations. Harold Myra, retired CEO of the Christianity Today International companies uniquely captured his rhythm and knew how to play the game. Together they produced great content, and formed a lasting friendship. This week’s email is “a rabbit trail” from an interview.

Careful Confrontation

Confrontation is an explosive topic, especially within the Christian community. We prefer to talk about tolerance, love, mercy, grace, and other “spiritual” responses. But we fail to accept that Christ confronted.

However, He went to the source of the problem. He didn’t need the rich young ruler to give Him his money. He simply wanted to confront the financial idolatry present in his life. He certainly didn’t expect the Pharisees in the temple to stop their work – he wanted them to leave their self-righteousness behind.

So, in confrontation, you always want to try to go for the essence of the problem. Adler gave me a concept which has been extremely helpful. He wrote that every man is logical if you understand the base from which he operates. I try to create scenarios from which everything the person does makes sense. When I can do this, I believe I understand the problem. But until I can get to the place of understanding the logic, I still don’t understand the base from which the person is operating.

Many times I talk with parents who are totally frustrated with their children (especially grown ones). “I cannot understand what he/she is thinking. How in the world could they make that decision?” When we step back and come up with an understanding of the premise from which the child is operating, then the decision and the behavior makes sense. It doesn’t drive the parent any less crazy, but it is a step forward.

Sometimes confrontation takes real hard thinking. You have to develop an intuition for problems. And always leave room in your own thinking for the real possibility you may be wrong. That is a fundamental reason I offer options, not advice.

The proper attitude toward confrontation is key. It is not an opportunity to embarrass, play the power card, or let off steam. Evaluating myself first is a primary check-off. What am I trying to accomplish? How will this affect the individual, the organization?

Mature confrontation is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

This week think about: 1) How comfortable am I with confrontation? 2) Should confrontation differ according to the environment? 3) What are ways I back away from confrontation?

Words of Wisdom: “When you understand the base from which a person operates, their behavior is logical.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I thought, ‘Certainly you will respect me! Now you will accept correction!’ (Zephaniah 3: 7(a) NET Bible)