Brenda’s Blog – June 20, 2017

“We’re here where we know where here is.”

My 94 year old friend Nance and I traveled 260 miles during the day on a road trip to celebrate her birthday with her son. The day began early and she was somewhat confused. She wasn’t familiar with the route and it took a while for her to start enjoying the trip.

When she saw her son, her face lighted up and she relaxed. We took a tour of a beautiful little Texas town then enjoyed a delightful lunch together. He and his wife recently moved into their brand new home. This was my friend’s initial visit. She looked for familiar furniture, but found nothing but one small piece. I could see her trying to piece together unfamiliar territory.

The day was joyful and she so loved being “out and about.” But she continually tried to put everything into context. “This is where I went to high school.” “You and I have been here before and had lunch.” Of course, neither was true. She struggled to accept everything as new. She wanted anchors.

Happily, as we traveled home she went on and on about how much fun it was to have a birthday party. She also regaled me with reading after reading from a poetry book she carried with her. Long after she transfers from earth to heaven I will remember her recitation of, “Jenny Kissed Me.” Or, hearing her tell me her Dad memorized and quoted so many of the poems in the book. The trip home just flew by!

Then, we turned a corner, came over a rise, and she smiled broadly. “We’re here where we know where here is.” What a profound thought!

Don’t we all feel like strangers sometimes? Don’t we all fight to put our experiences into workable boxes? And then isn’t it a relief when something feels like home and feels like “here?”

Brenda’s Blog – June 6, 2017

“…havoc”

I typed an email to a friend using the word “wreaked.” Before I could even begin to type another word auto-correct added “havoc.” How predictable was I when even auto-correct fills in the spaces in my cliché-riddled email?
Why can auto-correct read my mind? Or is my mind so given to the hackneyed that I fall into one of their algorithms? Then why does it play such havoc with words I know I want to use yet it refuses time after time to leave it alone? How can it possibly think it knows what I am thinking?

Then I think of the comfort of predictability… knowing how a person will react, expecting a certain outcome, or moving confidently ahead. It takes energy to constantly be on the alert for a head fake. It is pleasant to have a certain degree of “I just know” in life.

I saw a shoe hack on Facebook yesterday giving clues on taping toes together to relieve the pressure on the balls of feet in order to wear shoes that were designed by a sadist. What is wrong with wearing footwear that actually feels good? What social faux pas do we commit when we don’t have to tape body parts together in order to reduce extreme pain? What is wrong with living life with a certain degree of predictability that allows ease of motion, socially and relationally?

Certainly, there is energy generated by the unexpected. Dad used to tell me “there’s nothing wrong with you that a little excitement won’t cure.” And I agree… to a point. Too much excitement, too much unpredictability, too much “where in the world is this going?” leaves me with blisters on my soul.

Okay, so the next time I type wreaked and auto-correct smartly pops in with “havoc” I will just smile and type over it with some other word – even though havoc is probably the best choice.

Brenda’s Blog – May 23, 2017

“End Road Work”

When you drive over 4000 miles in a month you spend much time looking at billboards and reading signs. A friend recently posted a query on Facebook about the kind of person who protests repairing potholes. “Why do they want to end road work?”

I laughed because the states of Illinois and Tennessee are bounded by either “Begin Road Work” or “End Road Work” signs. After awhile I literally wanted all of it to end!

My precious daughter in law has a well-deserved reputation as a non-fiction editor. She gave me a classic book on grammar for writers: “Eats, Shoots, & Leaves.” The positioning of commas and ampersands is critical to proper understanding. The notation in the zoo about the koala bear usually reads “eats shoots and leaves.” A world of difference!

The mispositioning of intent often creates more than a funny book title. When we assume we know why people behave in a certain way, we can make snap judgments. Then in a totally logical way (to us), we follow that path to discerning intent. There are broken relationships which are the outcome of a misconstrued word or casual action. We can forget where the relationship commas and ampersands go!

Another humorous road sign was the billboard featuring an attractive 20-something woman hugging a pig (or hog… I am a city girl, so I don’t know the difference). The text read: “Friends, not Food.” It was placed next to the exit to an extensive farm which undoubtedly supported the “Pork is the Other White Meat” philosophy. I already have more people than could possibly be considered authentic friendship. I do not need an anonymous pig. In my mind, the purpose of domestically raised livestock is for feeding all those others Facebook identifies as my friends.

Ride the road with me someday and we will find a world of philosophical discussions to be had – even without the Burma Shave signs! And keep a proper perspective as you roll.

Brenda’s Blog – May 9, 2017

“I am so old I still have an AOL email account.”

The speaker opened his QConference talk with this line. The mostly 30 and 40-somethings all laughed. Of course, I hoped none of them was planning to email me – at my AOL account!

When my 8 year old grandson was 6 he told me he was “kicking it old school.” I laughed thinking about this little one doing something in a long-ago way! Imagine what he would think if I showed him a dial phone and asked him to “old school” it.

Bill O’Reilly and other authors have picked up on the concept of introducing values of the past into the current social mix. One book talks about ways to integrate honesty, integrity, and work ethic into everyday life. One of the challenges is to define relationship in a way that works for 30 year olds, as well as 70ish others. What they consider outdated is the operating system for us.

Their desire to engage in causes reminds us of our earlier days when we passionately appealed for freedoms and fairness. Their energies are directed in ways that seem strange, even sometimes off base, to us. But their longing to make a difference is still an old school value.

There is common ground we should explore. We should seek communication which doesn’t ignore our differences, but desires to expand the conversation. Admitting to an AOL account may be a start.

Sharing the best of each generation enriches us all. We will probably find that old school and new school are not really that much in opposition. And especially when we come to the table with our Christian faith as the core. Listening to each other may build a bond which can only be good for the world. Together we can be healing and redemptive people with a song of hope to sing with each other.

Brenda’s Blog – April 25, 2017

“Daily use will prevent soap scum, hard water, and other stains.”

The Clean Shower dispenser sits on my shower seat. I see it every day and finally it connected with me on a spiritual level.

In a Christian’s life what can be used daily to prevent scum and stains? What do we need to apply day by day to protect us from the building up of yuck?

A clean relationship with the Lord and others comes through regular application of prayer, Bible reading, meditation, and fellowship with believers. These need to be sprayed generously and regularly to avoid the pollution of this world.

If I miss days in my shower, the work to restore the cleanliness requires more work. If I miss days of conversing with God through Bible study, prayer, and communion with others I start seeing the soap scum gathering around the edges of my soul. I can never lose my salvation, but I can lose the joy of my salvation.

As I squirt Clean Shower I need to remember to cover the corners of my spiritual life, as well.

For me this means starting the day out with the recital of The Lord’s Prayer. Not because it is a personal prayer, but because it is a “we prayer” – praying for the entire Body of Christ. It connects me with others as I ask our great God to provide, and protect.

Then I put on the spiritual armor. This is crucial to avoid the hard stains of the world. I put on the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the truth belt, the peace shoes, stand behind the shield of faith, and then take in my hand the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God… then having done this I pray at all times in the Spirit.

There is no absolute guarantee that sin and slime won’t affect me, but daily doses of spiritual disciplines will certainly reduce the long-term effects.

Brenda’s Blog – April 11, 2017

“Make a memory with me tonight.”

My sweet 94 year old friend Nance sat across the table at our weekly night out. Suddenly she started singing: “Make a memory with me tonight. I will put my arms around you and hold you tight; So tomorrow we will say ‘Wasn’t it a delightful yesterday?’”

WOW! What a moment.

When we were growing up, memories were high value items. My parents always talked about “putting deposits in the memory bank.” As we became parents (and now grandparents) we carried on the tradition. The accumulation of material possessions took second place to the opportunity of sharing stories, experiences, and time.

Before we close our eyes each night, perhaps it would be good to take a minute and check on the deposits made in the memory bank. We don’t need six figure additions – the little ones add up. And sometimes, just an email, text, phone conversation, a cup of coffee together, or a hug can build a solid account.

Reviewing the memories is one of the dividends. Reliving the experiences brings happiness and usually, laughter. Sometimes the harrowing times become the foundation for precious remembrances. Dad used to say to us, “The things you cry about today you will laugh about tomorrow.” Obviously, this applies to non-life threatening, or serious relationship crises. They don’t fall into this category, but the time the dog rolled in mud, ran into the house, and leaped on the couch definitely does! Memory material!

Nance’s husband of nearly 70 years left for heaven two years ago this month. She misses him, but she relishes the stories and the memories they made night after night – and yes, he did hold her tight!

What deposit did you make today? What will help you stop tomorrow and say, “Wasn’t it a delightful yesterday?”

Brenda’s Blog – March 28, 2017

“How much is under your bed?”

In my childhood and teen years I loved to read. I cherished my library card and used it readily.

Only one problem: I had great difficulty returning the books. And when I knew they were overdue, I would hide them under my bed until my Mom demanded they surface and return to their rightful owner – the public library.

This became a metaphor as I grew older. Some people talk about sticking their head in the sand. Not me, I stick it “under the bed.” I put unresolved issues, undone chores, and unattended to duties in a safe, dark place from which they cannot arise and haunt me.

But they eventually do. Like the kind library police who came to the door with a list of books and a demand for their return. In those days they didn’t have those “freebie forgiveness days” when all fines were erased. No, my avoidance technique meant I paid the fines out of babysitting money and puny allowance allotments.

What are the things that are secreted away just because they are either too difficult to handle, too troublesome to manage, or just too overwhelming to attack? Every once in a while I actually face up to them and give them an airing in the light of day. When I do they are usually dealt with in such a short time I wonder (time and time again) why I pushed them away and didn’t just get them done.

In life coaching there is a great term for these items – “tolerations.” We put something on a to-do list, then move it to an even longer one… and so forth until it becomes a perpetual undone. If something is on the to-do list for a day – great. If it is still there after a week it has become a toleration – something we put up with but don’t deal with. They weigh us down as surely as if we were adding layers of weights to our clothing. Tolerations are only removed when they become intolerable.

Let’s climb under the bed and clear out that tattered to do list which grew into moldy tolerations.

Brenda’s Blog – March 14, 2017

“Low tire pressure – attend at once.”

I turned on the ignition, heading out for a busy day. The warning system certainly got my attention. Avoiding the message was not an option. Actually, it might have been in years past, but a modicum of maturity has actually developed in my “old age.”

So, I considered my options, enlisted the aid of my brother-in-law, and made it to Discount Tire.

Why is this blog worthy? Because it makes me think about life’s flat tires and emergencies. And more importantly – how to deal with them.
What are the first two considerations? Time and money. “How am I going to reorder my day to allow for this inconvenience?” “How much money is this going to cost?”
Too often in life I have allowed money to delay action – and of course, require an ultimate fix and even more money. Why do I think waiting will alleviate the necessity of action?

And equally important is the decision to take time for the fix. Rough patches and flat tires in life are never on the to-do list, are they? They are never convenient, or a welcome surprise. But they are always opportunities to learn about our reaction times. An essential element in the maturing process is the ability to react wisely and well. These “pop quizzes” come at inopportune moments letting us see where we are on the maturity chart.

When was your last flat tire? When did you get a sudden change in your plans? How did you process it? What did it tell you about your growth?

Discount Tire has customer service posters on their store walls. They are true to their word – they repaired, rotated, and sent me on my way with no charge – and a friendly smile. What another good lesson in ways to treat others as they face their potholes and flat tires. We should be the compressors who “air them up,” with lack of drama and abundance of good will.

Flat tires come, but they don’t need to flatten us. They are “teachable moments.”

Brenda’s Blog – February 28, 2017

“The Trump children handled themselves well and spoke in complete sentences.”

The commentator’s remark was meant to laud, not taunt. But it struck me as funny. Grown adults who spoke in subjects and predicates hardly seem like news, but today they are.

In 2008, my son Jeff told me about Twitter and the 140 character format. “Oh, Jeff, how in the world can you adequately communicate like that?” One of the signs I was a card-carrying member of “old school.”

Acronyms are not a current phenomenon. Quite the opposite.

Phrases originally designed for military communication now meld into popular usage. For example, MIA (Missing in Action), AWOL (Absent without Leave). To teenagers in the 50s a letter with SWAK written on the back flap, made hearts skip a beat. We thought it was a secret language but SWAK (Sealed with a Kiss) was a well-used war-time code message.

The Weather Channel has a complete lexicon of acronyms. Bad weather is measured in TOR-CON (Tornado Condition Index) or even PDS (Particularly Dangerous Situations). Those are two which could easily blend into common vernacular describing work situations and personal relationships!

Most of the twitter language is lost on me. I still tell people, “That really made me smile” instead of typing LOL! I live in fear of sending a message to my friends and family which translates into something totally vile, so I use up way more characters playing it safe.

When I was promoted to a home office position my parents were quite proud. The day before I moved my Mom and I took one of my older mentors to lunch – a man with great experience and rather jaded about the effectiveness of home office people. He was a successful insurance sales agent. In all seriousness he said to my godly Mom, “Well, what do you think about your daughter’s becoming a HOSOB?” She smiled sweetly and said, “We are so grateful for this opportunity.” Later that night at the country club, my family and I ran into another professional colleague. My Mom beamed and said, “Brenda is going to be a HOSOB. Isn’t that great?” The man looked stunned at this saintly woman speak these words. The only hint I will give you is that HO stands for Home Office. You can fill in the blanks.

Shorthand has its place. But let’s not lose the beauty of a well-constructed complete sentence. Let’s maintain the energy of a conversation which stimulates thought. Let’s keep on talking.

Brenda’s Blog – February 14, 2017

“FOMO is the essential element of our lives.”

Listening to a podcast about millennials and money, one of the panelists brought up the importance of experience in their lives. FOMO is a cardinal rule. The Fear of Missing Out absolutely drives so many of our 20-34 year olds. They long to be social – music, active lifestyles, interaction – these are part of their DNA. A generational specialist once told me, “They don’t listen to music – music is their world… it is the water in which they swim.” Socialization is the same.

Toffler, author of Future Shock, predicted people would be willing to allocate more money for experiences in work, consumption, and all other areas of life. Pine and Gilmore developed this idea in their work, “The Experience Economy.” They pointed out the service economy ended and now people wanted more than transaction – they want action and interaction. They use Starbucks, Nordstroms, and the Ritz Carlton Hotels as prime examples of making the experience the product. The true tangible product is really just a by-product.

Last week I had a conversation with Ronnie Cunningham who is an authority on today’s youth. He bemoaned the loss of logical thinking when totally exchanged for experience. Ravi Zacharias, the international theologian, uses as his tag line “Let my people think!” It is easy to control a group which focuses singularly on emotion and experience. Thinking is a protection against tyranny.

FOMO is intriguing! It is also addictive and manipulative. The anxiety created by always wanting to be in the middle of “what’s happening” puts a person in bondage. It is also a great creator of temptation. “I’m at the newest restaurant, buying the newest device, meeting the latest and greatest…” Tweets, Snapchats, and Instagrams like these create discontent. Back in the day we didn’t have FOMO, but we had “Be there or be square.” The threat of being left out wasn’t created by the millennials. Eve, in the garden, was tempted by the taunt, “Oh, God just doesn’t want to be have good things and be in the know.”

As a Mom, Gram, and great Gram I think much about the values of my family. How can I translate the experience economy and FOMO into a thirst for things which last – experiences which have eternal meaning? How can I fan the flames of not wanting to miss out on what God has to offer?

May those of us in the 4th quarter encourage younger ones to be bold and courageous – and strong in the things which have eternal value.