ID Required

blog-48-texas-driver-license

Brenda’s Blog – July 28, 2015

“All we need is your driver’s license…”

I lost my driver’s license, along with all my other ID cards. Think how socially lost you are without proof. You truly don’t exist. The catch-22 of invisibility is almost impossible to navigate. Social security wouldn’t let me apply for a replacement without a driver’s license. But a driver’s license was inaccessible without a social security card. I was a non-person!

Existential philosophers challenge us to consider the meaning of life, especially and particularly our own lives. Why are we alive and who are we – really? A question of identity.

Identity is a big topic right now. Identity theft, identity fraud, identity exchange, identity confusion – who we are is very much in play. More importantly, who we are NOT is a critical point.

And how we determine and maintain our identity is a crucial process.

The messages we send to the outside world matter. But the messages I send to my inside world matter even more. As a believer in Christ Jesus, I find great peace in the knowledge that my true identity is not what others think I am, or even what I think I am – it is who God through Christ has made me to be.

When I attempt to rearrange, reinvent, or regenerate an identity based on what I think will accomplish my goals, and satisfy my longings, crisis occurs.

Foundational to my identity is the sovereignty of God. I am not a free agent, managing my world with an unfettered hand. I am the beloved creation of a purposeful, intentional God who designed me, my path, and my destiny. Self-identification is a distorted, often perverted version of what our God determined. And when an imperfect being attempts to outthink the Perfect, chaos ensues.

Throughout the chafing, aggravating, irritating (and many other “ing” emotions) experience, I had to stop and think about who I truly am. I am not who the government recognizes me to be. I am not even who the culture decides I will be. NO, I am the daughter of the King, redeemed by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. In Him, I am free to be me. The child’s book had it partially right, but missed the crux of the issue. It is IN HIM I find the freedom to identity. I don’t have to defiantly self-identify because He has already claimed me as His own.

Yes, I finally am a licensed driver in the state of Texas, and qualified for social security benefits. But thanks be to God I am His and He is mine, whether or not I am credentialized. My identity rests in the finished, acceptable work of Jesus.

The Stress of Singleness

Weekly Thought – July 28, 2015

Fred spoke to singles’ retreats and sometimes received unusual requests. After one presentation a woman came up and waited patiently while others spoke to him. Finally, her turn came and she simply said, “I need you to find me a husband.” “Pardon, me, ma’am, but we have never met so why do you think I am to do this?” “I was told older men have the responsibility to find proper men for single women… and you are old.” He graciously declined. His practical wisdom helped many singles throughout the country. This 2002 article gives an insight into his thinking.

The Stress of Singleness

Mary Alice and I will be married 66 years June 25, 2003. We haven’t been single for a long time, but I have been asked a lot throughout my life to speak to singles groups. Here are a few of the common stressors.

1) Time pressures – too many confuse the fast track and the frantic track. But what a significant difference there is! I believe in the energy and excitement of the former, but distrust and deny the latter. Unfortunately, some singles equate inactivity with loss of inclusion. They say “yes” to every invitation seeking belongingness. And, singles just pushed by time when others assume they are available “because they don’t have families at home.”

2) Peer pressures – the stress of adolescent peer pressure should lessen as we age, but I see too many who still fall into the trap of giving too much control away. When they let others set their direction, goals, and definition of accomplishment, they open the door to unhealthy stresses. There are no age limits (or even marital status) which keep us from looking to others for approval, but I see many singles who put too much emphasis on the acceptance of friends and colleagues. Because of this stress, it is critical to carefully analyze and appraise those who are influencers.

3)Money – I notice when I talk with singles groups I find a particular weakness for advertising claims…and it eats them up. Madison Avenue invests big bucks to reach this particular demographic. Sporting activities are a prime example. Have you ever considered how much it costs to “look like a golfer? Tennis player? Bike rider?” No one just takes up a hobby without all the proper accoutrements. Living the lifestyle often squeezes singles into a tough spot which creates debt and stress. A plan and financial strategy are necessary elements in anyone’s life, but particularly for those who are targeted for impulse and emotional buying.

4) Relationships – Developing healthy relationships can be difficult. Many times when I speak to groups I find informal discussions coming around to the loneliness of singleness. Finding people to trust isn’t easy. Growing in a spiritual relationship doesn’t come more readily just because there is no spouse and children to consider. Being single doesn’t automatically create spiritual depth. The stress of being Mother Teresa or Apostle Paul can lay heavy on single shoulders.

God calls each of us to our own walk. Whether married or single, our focus is to be on Him and in Him. He is the answer to the stresses. He gives the peace. He moves us toward maturity.

This week think carefully about: 1) How can I serve those who are single? 2) What does singleness mean in the Christian community? 3) Who is struggling with loneliness as well as aloneness?

Words of Wisdom: “Money is a tool, not an idol. It gives option. It is a stewardship.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.” (Proverbs 12:25 NET Bible)

Dialysis University

Weekly Thought – July 21, 2015

Fred began dialysis July 1999. As part of his processing he wrote a piece which he called Dialysis University knowing much learning was ahead. In an unusually long weekly thought, the entire article is reproduced for you. In the intervening years many ask for these thoughts applying them to any permanent life changing event. May it bless you this week and beyond.

Dialysis University

My life has permanently changed. I accept the change; now I must try to understand it. In order to get the most from the change I must consider myself, at 84, to have enrolled in a new school which I call DU (Dialysis University) with classes three days a week for four hours each.

There are certain unique features to DU. The teachers share the responsibility with me. They keep me alive with their medical skill and I decide what courses of learning to follow from a great variety of possibilities, the first being a comprehensive understanding of the full dialysis process. They provide the quality time and I decide what I will do with the time. It is a joint responsibility.

Another unique feature of DU is the lack of a graduation; therefore, a diploma doesn’t determine the course selection. Exit from the school is entrance into eternity.

In order to maximize the experience I have decided to adopt a philosophy of dialysis that will guide me as I progress. I have put it into writing so that I might read and review until it becomes a mental/spiritual habit and eventually a living reflex.

Constructive Adjustments To Dialysis:

1. Gratitude for the discipline: Don’t rebel against the restrictions. I am being helped rather than restricted. This discipline assures life.

2. Respect the diet: It is not what I can’t have; it’s that I don’t want what I should not have. Abstinence is positive, not negative.

3. The expenses: I’m making an investment in a quality of life, not being forced to spend money on assistance that I once didn’t require.

4. Recognize the variable value of time: Spend the most valuable hours on the most valuable activities. Have interesting, productive things to do during the hours of energy. Don’t fret about the survival mode in down times. I am only responsible for what I can do, not for what I would like to do or think that I should do. Only my capability is my responsibility.

5. Guard against negative thoughts and remarks: Guard against them either within myself or with others. I am not competing in a health race with others. Accept that sickness can be destructive to a proper attitude. Disciplined silence can be constructive.

6. Not part of divine punishment: I consider my sickness as normal, therefore in no part divine punishment. Nothing is happening to me “that is not common to man.”

7. Be careful not to lose the good of this difficult situation: Look for each bit of good and express appreciation for it. I believe that God is in my circumstances mysteriously, even though I can’t understand or definitely define each element. Faith, therefore, is a major factor in my adjustment.

8. The situation is for life: Therefore I must take the long view and not be occupied or anxious about every up and down blip on the screen. Up times will be limited just the same as the down times. It is good to remember, “This, too, shall pass.”

9. Dialysis will not define my life: Dialysis may alter my way of life but will not define it. I am not living to have dialysis; I am having dialysis in order to live. Therefore it will not dominate my thoughts nor conversation. It is a means to provide quality life.

10. Control: I will not use my dialysis to control my family or friends.

11. Experience the joy of life: In early dialysis I’ve had some experiences of the joy of life that helped me to understand Paul’s acceptance of his “thorn” or Solzhenitsyn’s gratitude for “the stinking straw.” Suffering’s chief function is to purify – purify our thinking and promote the growth of our faith.

Hail to Old DU!

My choice: Be a victim or a victor.

This week think about: 1) Which point hits home right now? 2) Who needs to read this? 3) How can I best apply Fred’s thinking to my life?

Words of Wisdom: “My life has permanently changed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I am able to do all things through the one who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NET Bible)

Diagnosis and Prescription

Weekly Thought – July 14, 2015

Fred was an excellent marketer. He always checked to see what would be helpful. He wanted to meet needs. When thinking about character he prefaced his thoughts with these words: “I checked around a little bit and found people are interested in this subject, so I decided to make a few notes about ideas utilized over the years for building an organization.”

We are thankful for the ongoing interest in the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute. Our 2017 schedule is starting to fill up – very grateful.

Diagnosis and Prescription

Jim Cain, the eminent Mayo Clinic physician, once told me the greatest diagnosticians are the ones who know the most symptoms. I think this carries over into character evaluation, as well. The more we know of strengths, weaknesses, especially in values structures the more we are able to test the waters. And the more likely we will have an accurate reading.
Many question the morality of testing, whether formal or informal. I believe they are neutral. We have to discipline our motives when using them. They are simply attempts to come to an honest evaluation.

Let me share three areas I test for. I will give you more later, and a list of red flags to notice.

1) Self-interest. I probe to ascertain the depth, intensity, and preoccupation with a person’s self-interest. You have to create a question or environment which takes them off guard to test for this. For example, a friend called me asking how my thinking on how he could handle a particular stock deal. He had a great deal of profit in it. I suggested he gift it. I got the long, long pause because he had never made a gift of this size before. I wasn’t judging him – just testing to see his reaction to the idea of gifting. I was looking to see how he saw things. I wanted to see the value he put on things and the priority he gives them.

2) Self-righteousness. I look for the degree of self-righteousness. It generally shows up in the reaction to humor or dramatics. A young man came to see me, telling me about his sermons on Martin Luther. He waxed eloquently on how he wish he could have been there with Luther so he could have stood and cheered. I looked at him and thought of the incongruity of this man who stood in a North Dallas pulpit in a three piece suit versus the slings and arrows of accusation thrown at Martin Luther.

3) Stress. We generally show our true nature when under stress. Who we are and what we do are usually consistent with our fundamental selves. When problems come some people will consistently run, duck, or pass on responsibility. For example, a woman told me of worked for a man who refused to hear anything negative because it upset him. He wanted to take the bows, but not the hard licks. On the other hand, I have known many executives whose gold was refined in the fire. When the filters are removed, we are who we are!

This week think about: 1) How do I evaluate possible hires? 2) How important is character in my assessment of a fit? 3) How well do I do on these three tests?

Words of Wisdom: “When the filters are removed, we are who we are!”

Wisdom from the Word: “For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NET Bible)

The One Thing

blog-47-one-finger

Brenda’s Blog – July 14, 2015

“I am one and only one…”

My grandmother was the wife of a Southern Baptist pastor, the mother of five boys, and a great influence on generations in the Smith line. She repeated her life motto to me regularly on our visits:

“I am one and only one, I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do; what I ought to do, by the Grace of God, I will do.” I wrote it out in calligraphy for her to hang in her apartment. After her death, I received it and now it hangs in my house as a reminder of her strength.

Jack Palance as the character “Curly” in the movie City Slickers sagely counseled Billy Crystal’s character and the others to “find the one thing that is most important in life.” He held up a finger, wordlessly emphasizing the one thing.

We are limited. The era of “having it all” is passe. Even neurological science is supporting the one thing by introducing research which shows our brains were not meant for hyperwarp multi-tasking. We have a unilateral configuration which works most effectively when following one task to completion. Sadly, our social patterns long ago trained us to do many things at one time. We reward those who drive themselves into a frenzy being productive. But perhaps this wasn’t God’s design for us.

What is most important to you? What is your one thing? What gets number one priority when allocating resources of time and energy?

I never did ask my grandmother what her “something” was, but I imagine she would have told me bringing up five boys to revere God, understand their responsibilities, and be grateful for their gifts.

Think about the times when you feel God’s pleasure. Think about the times when your return on effort is multiplied. Think about the times when you felt the joy of being used by God. Could these be indications of your one thing?

Of course, we are called on to operate in a world which demands much from us. But as far as it is possible, let’s join in the covenant to identify our one thing and by the grace of God, do it.

Student Impact at Emmaus Bible College

Student Impact at Emmaus Bible College of BWFLI events.

Seeing Clearly

blog-46-portrait-painting

Brenda’s Blog – July 7, 2015

“I know them well and love them much.”

My friend Jean is an artist who works masterfully in oils. As friends walked through her one woman show, we commented on the sensitivity in the faces of her subjects.

“Did you take pictures of them before painting?” She paused for just a brief moment then answered me: “No, but I know them well and love them much.”

Striking and meaningful words.

Most of my friends are now the oldest in their line because their parents and even siblings have moved from earth to heaven. “Their faces are fading,” I heard a woman say. That is true of school friends, neighbors in years past, or work associates. But never for my Mom and Dad. Why? Well, for one thing I have photos, but more than that – I have them engraved upon my heart. And as Jean beautifully said, “I knew them well and loved them much.”

We can extend this beyond faces. I think we can certainly apply this to goals, and aspirations. What happens to those childhood “when I grow up” dreams? Where do those five year goals get warehoused? Could Bucket Lists for those of us over 70 become the regeneration of young hopes?

In looking back I see threads of aspiration which weave throughout my entire life. Then, I see ragged strings which ended up as straggly leftovers. Thankfully, some of those truncated cords didn’t make it through. How wise is our God!

What do you see so very clearly in your life because there is knowledge and love? Where is your focus and your attention? The areas we feed are the ones that grow.

Close your eyes and bring up an image of who you are now and who you want to be in 12 months. Then think carefully about how to know, love, and nurture enough. And, of course, always overlay these hopes with the simple words: “As the Lord wills.”

Action’s Aspects

Weekly Thought – July 7, 2015

Fred distilled and defined. His ability to simplify without losing the essence set him apart from other management consultants. Clarifying without falling into formulaic cliches worked well for him.

Action’s Aspects

There are three aspects to action: 1) concept, 2) system, and 3) philosophy.

The concept defines the basic principles. The system is the implementation of the principles, and the philosophy is the reason for doing. Said another way: The concept is the what to do – the system is now to do it – and the philosophy is the why of doing it.

Once the concept is clearly understood, the implementation or system becomes a technological procedure. This varies according to each specific situation.

For example, in military history we see General MacArthur planning the Inchon invasion. He studied the taking of Quebec by General Wolfe. The concept was surprise. The General asked his staff if this strategy would work, they all answered negatively. With their response, he went ahead and used this concept because he knew it would work. Surprise was going to be successful.

The technical approach was different from the one used by Wolfe. This was part of the genius. Often, leaders try to borrow the technique along with the concept and failure ensues. It is a mistake to understand few if any perfect strategic analogies exist in life. Each situation must have its own variation.

I faced this in the National Steel strike when I was called in to help management make plans. They had a past success and wanted to repeat it step by step. They failed to update the situation by grasping the difference in the two situations.

This leads me to one of my favorite principles: Stay current. One of the leadership pitfalls is relying on former successes to design a new plan. Many elements can be altered which affect the outcome. To ignore the full scope of the situation opens doors for failure. Staying current means being up to date on everything that will impact the strategy.

Philosophies and concepts are much more constant than the techniques of accomplishment. The three must all be part of the whole, but it is important to consider each separately before finalizing the plan. When we break it down, master each part, and learn to interweave them seamlessly we are well on the way to a workable strategy.

This week think about: 1) Which of the three is the easiest for me? Most difficult? 2) How intentional am I about my planning? 3) What keeps me current on my decision making?

Words of Wisdom: “Staying current means being up to date on everything that will impact the strategy.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May He grant your heart’s desire; may He bring all your plans to pass!” (Psalm 20:4 NET Bible)

Counting Character

Weekly Thought – June 30, 2015

Fred was allergic to phonies. He admired talent, vision, and character. Much of his thinking was done in a business context – for clients and other associates. He understood how to assess it and communicate the analysis.

The Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute is privileged to announce our 2016 campuses: Lindsey Wilson College (Columbia, KY), Alice Lloyd College (Pippa Passes, KY), Asbury University (Wilmore, KY), and Palm Beach Atlanta University (West Palm Beach, FL). We have confirmed Union University (Jackson, TN) for 2017 and are in talks with several other schools.

Counting Character

In trying to evaluate character, I always deal from a hypothesis. I suspect certain things, and I see evidences of others. Certain flags will go up in my mind as patterns form, but they are still part of the hypothesis until I have evidence. To jump to conclusions simply would show an emotional bias toward judging rather than evaluation.

I never really know someone until I have counted money with them. I have found this to be true in business, as well as ministry. When I get to heaven I want to ask why the Lord connected money and ministry. The weakness for taking more for oneself doesn’t just mean money. For example, I have seen executives who seem totally above board steal credit to promote themselves.

Character evaluation involves understanding weight limits. Bridges carry signs which notify drivers so collapses don’t occur. People have load limits, too. I knew a man who was very outwardly devout I am convinced his faith was real, but there were soft spots. The number one priority in his life was money, but he disciplined himself within reasonable ranges.

However, as soon as the deal passed six figures, he crumbled. The bridge cracked. He was not a crook; he was just not load tested successfully.

Many people’s character simply cannot stand temptations beyond a specific limit. When they try to hold against more than they “are rated for,” they fall into poor judgment and character default. A sign of faulty character is ignorance of temptation lines.

We often credit others with strong character when actually this reputation is earned because they know their limits and understand their weaknesses. They don’t drive their personal and professional vehicles across bridges which they know cannot carry that weight without crashing into the water.

Scripture tells us God gives exit ramps so temptation doesn’t overwhelm us. He completely understands our natures and gives us opportunities to grow in grace. He wants us to know ourselves and to adopt wisdom. Good character reflects maturity.

This week think about: 1) What do I use as a measure of character? 2) Where are my character soft spots? 3) How do I protect myself from character failures?

Words of Wisdom: “I never really know someone until I have counted money with them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matthew 6:24 NET Bible)

Soul Food

Weekly Thought – June 23, 2015

Fred was acquainted with many Christian leaders, from the outside and inside. He never exposed their weaknesses so was trusted as a friend and confidante. But he recognized their “iron and clay.” He always said he was magnetized by their iron, but neutralized by their clay. He focused on the iron rather than trying to correct the clay. He once commented to a person who disagreed with the friendship between himself and a leader: “I am drawn by their iron and you are put off by the clay… therefore, you cannot see the strength.”

Soul Food

I’m fond of reading the Catholic mystics and saints of old. (The original saints were, of course, Southern Baptists!) In their writings and meditations I see nothing of planning for the purpose of personal significance. They were not motivated by human ambition. The glory of God was their joy.

They were concerned not with God’s plan for their life but His presence in their life. They knew having a guide was always better than having a map. Both Brother Lawrence and Frank Laubach have written inspiringly on the constant presence of God.
Occasionally, I speak to a Christian leader who seems hard and metallic. The more ambitious they are, the more metallic their manner. Some with whom I have shared intimate moments seem dry on the inside. It reminds me of the verse “He sent them their desire but with it, leanness of soul.” The soul can’t be fed with ambition, accomplishment, and acquisition. Peggy Lee recorded a song years ago titled, “Is that all there is?” Some of the leaders I have known reach the pinnacle of success – yes, even Christian success as they define it – and find an emptiness. They proved themselves but too often did it in human power. They did not experience the joy of seeing God do what only He could. Their nourishment was man-made.

The soul fed by the Spirit and the words proceeding from God grows for this is the food that truly satisfies.

Values or Virtues

Unless our values are rooted in scriptural virtues, they are not Christian.

Our need is not to return to family values, nor historical values, but to scriptural virtues.

We talk about values because subconsciously we like to be in control and we set our values. Cultural values are fluid.

Virtues hold their authority because they are not under human control, but come from God’s revealed truth. This distinction brings up the key question: “What is your authority?”

Our society could return to the values of our forefathers but we would still have human values. When we return to the virtues of scripture, we are returning to God.

This week think about: 1) What is feeding my soul right now? 2) How do I establish the ultimate authority for my life? 3) When do I sense a dryness in my soul?

Words of Wisdom: “Our society could return to the values of our forefathers but we would still have human values. When we return to the virtues of scripture, we are returning to God.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Look, the one whose desires are not upright will faint from exhaustion, but the person of integrity will live because of his faithfulness.” (Habakkuk 2:4 NET Bible)

«‹78 79 80 81 82 ›»