Emotional Stability

Weekly Thought – March 8, 2016

Fred was never without paper and pen. He was constantly thinking, processing, analyzing, and jotting. Thousands of these thoughts ended up on 3 x 5 cards sorted according to topic. He thoroughly enjoyed taking a topic and trying to exhaust it by following logical trains of thought.

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Emotional Stability

* The present is more than a down payment on the future – it is part of the future and should be as you would like the future to be. If you are sincere in wanting the future to be different then you prove it by making today different.

* The best solution for many of our problems is to simply outgrow them.

* Sometimes the only antidote for fear or pessimism is to do something outrageously optimistic.

* Some people become isolated because they have a fear of random events which they might not be able to handle.

* Not everyone is willing to go through the pain of being cured.

* People have a potential for happiness as they have a potential for greatness, but often they are not attained because discipline is lacking.

* Those who are surveyed as to happiness show that the happiest are those who are less guilty and more conscious of love. All the other things seem to be less significant.

* A happy life includes commitment and involvement. The more involved a person is the greater his capacity for pleasure, but also for pain.

* Those who pride themselves on their hardness of heart are emotional cowards.

* Mental health professionals can isolate the factors that go into happiness, but they cannot always come up with the recipe with the correct elements and proportions for its development. The recipe for happiness varies from person to person.

Think about this week: 1) What makes me happy? 2) How do I define emotional stability? 3) When do I experience commitment and involvement?

Words of Wisdom: “The best solution for many of our problems is to simply outgrow them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “As your words came to me I drank them in, and they filled my heart with joy and happiness because I belong to you, O Lord, the God who rules over all.” (Jeremiah 15:16 NET Bible)

Sin is Real

Weekly Thought – March 1, 2016

Fred clearly believed in “original sin.” He never doubted the need for grace and forgiveness. When asked about it he explained it was the only reasonable explanation for life. He held strongly to the goodness of God.

Sin is Real

We are so afraid of minimizing sin, we find it difficult to accept forgiveness for fear we will begin to enjoy sinning. We start to set up artificial measures of whether a person is a believer or not by how much they do or do not enjoy sin. Then we start to look at how long we last between sinning and feeling remorse.

The weakness in this thinking is that we fail to see the change of attitude toward past and future sin. Our gratitude for grace is evidenced in our attitude toward future sin. We accept that expecting to stop sinning leans on our own human efforts. We have to soberly think about our attitude toward all sin.

If we fall into the immaturity of thinking sin is covered so we can sin in order that “grace may abound,” we are simply accepting grace as a bromide for the morning after sickness. If we accept grace as the only answer for our sin (original nature of man) then we realize it isn’t ours to handle. Only the power of the Holy Spirit can deliver us. Moving on in grace is as much a work of the Spirit as is our salvation.

When we allow guilt (created by ourselves) over sins of the past, we cloud over the future. There is certainly divine discipline and God works in us to point us to Him, but He doesn’t create a situation in which we repeatedly beat ourselves up over past sins.

Those who try to deny others the reconciliation through repentance are holding them accountable through human efforts, not Godly relationship. Too often we try to hold others by the throat bringing up past sins. When forgiveness comes, it is not our job to dredge up the details. We are to be people who live in grace with others. We are to live in an “attitude of forgiveness” which allows us to experience restoration.

This week think about: 1) How do I define sin? 2) What areas in my life are most susceptible to sin? 3) When do I celebrate grace with myself and with others?

Words of Wisdom: “We are so afraid of minimizing sin, we find it difficult to accept forgiveness.”

Wisdom from the Word: “to give his people knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins.” (Luke 1:77 NET Bible)

RIGHT NOW!

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Brenda’s Blog – February 23, 2016

“You know you want me!”

The table tent card featured a mini chocolate Bundt cake dripping with rich, chocolate frosting. The photo was enticing and the words made me laugh – then think. Some ad agency definitely had the pulse of the American consuming public. “I want it and I want it right now!”

Delayed gratification is apparently outmoded. Waiting to satisfy a want is passé. We are trained to want and to want immediately. Does this build character? I think not. There is a healthy element to waiting.

A couple lost a great deal of their assets. They sought counsel in dealing with the ramifications. An unexpected one was the reaction of those they counted as friends. They were no longer included – as if their financial misfortunes were a communicable disease. The other seemed to be illogical, but made great sense to them. “We are behind on our spending.” Getting what they wanted when they wanted it was a normal pattern of life. To suspend their consumerism made them feel off balance.

HGTV runs stories of couples in all economic brackets buying houses. No longer do they look for utility and houses “they can live with until they can afford to upgrade.” Too often a young couple avers, “Oh, we couldn’t live with this – this is a total gut job.” They believe they deserve the finest amenities, finishes, and features. Starter homes exist only in realtor ads. If they had the money, that might make sense, but too often they are going into deep debt.

Strong leaders know how to set a long range vision with short term mile markers. They know how to motivate others to reach for more than just the immediate. They understand the value of plans which will build a solid foundation. Grabbing the immediate often undercuts the delayed payoff.

Yes, that cake looked delicious; yes, it would have tasted great. But it wasn’t the time and it wasn’t worth the money. One day it may be, but not that morning.

Yes or No

Weekly Thought – February 23, 2016

Fred “took a dim view” (as he would say) of those who saw themselves as exceptions to the rule. Or, those who treated exceptions as the norm.

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Yes or No

As leaders, our decisions determine the character of our organizations. We cannot make exceptions for ourselves. The leader is responsible for keeping options in line with right character.

Character decisions must be disciplined decisions. However, I see several undisciplined patterns, responses, and rationales. Here are a few:

1) Trying to maintain control – Some organizations create structures for personal control, not for leadership development. Generally, the control-driven leader is self-serving. Dictators do not develop great succession plans. The extreme controller damages the organization by sabotaging others who are viewed as competition or threats. Instability is often the negative result.

2) Trying to outdo the competition – Healthy competition is part of the infrastructure of commerce, but conniving, fraudulent practices to undercut other companies or products makes for bad decisions. Keeping two sets of books, hiding safety reports, undercutting prices, or corporate espionage are examples of character degeneration. Unhealthy leaders give birth to unhealthy environments.

3) Refusing to admit mistakes – Leaders must name and claim mistakes as soon as possible. They must minimize the loss, and start remedial actions immediately. They now call it damage control, but when I grew up it was called taking responsibility for my actions. In the 1960s the sitcom Happy Days featured the Fonz. He was incapable of saying, “I was wrong.” That style never works for real leaders.

4) Hiring or firing people based on politics – A leader’s first question should be: “Will this appointment help the organization to fulfill its mission?” not “Will this person vote my way or forward my personal goals?” I was once asked to sit on a friend’s board. I asked, “Will I have the freedom to disagree with your decisions?” “Fred, I think this probably isn’t a good idea.” He wanted a “yes man,” but that wasn’t the best for the organization.

This week think about: 1) Do I ever take a shortcut and make a self-focused decision? 2) How easy is it for me to admit I am wrong? 3) What can I do to encourage disciplined decisions in my home or organization?

Words of Wisdom: “Unhealthy leaders give birth to unhealthy environments.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Swimming Up Stream

Weekly Thought – February 16, 2016

Fred advocated for leaders who wisely considered the impact of cultural pressure. He understood the target which is permanently painted on the backs of leaders. “Going along to get along” was never his mantra. These thoughts from Fred were written decades ago, but hit the bull’s eye today.

BWFLI is committed to hope. Hunter Baker in an essay on higher education and civility remarked: “…Christians are not free to live without hope.” Teams are ambassadors of God in Christ. And teams receive the encouragement of seeing men and women growing in Christ, preparing to lead the world.

Swimming Up Stream

The integrity of a leader often is shown in the stand he or she takes for right against mistaken, but popular, concepts. They do this not to just be different or difficult, but daring enough to be right, avoiding the temptation to join in the swim downstream by challenging the direction of the flow.

I heard writer Chaim Potok say, “A true leader is never absorbed in the stream in which he swims.” Scripture calls this being transformed rather than being conformed.

Our society is facing many positions that need challenge and clarification. For example, relativism, situational ethics, personal responsibility versus rights, acquisition and distribution of wealth, equality, political expediency, self-love as expressed in image and significance, and the power of peer pressure.

While these issues rage, values and ethics have become a hot subject – almost to the point of becoming a cultural fad. Big philanthropic dollars are pouring into think tanks to study the subject; colleges are opening up departments to investigate their impact; and writers are prolifically cranking out page after page for best seller lists.

I once spoke to a conference built around “values-based leadership.” Everything that was said was well and good, but I felt I needed to point out we need to root our human values in divine virtues or we end up being controlled by our human desires and vacillating according to our human interests.

True authenticity requires the foundation of virtue (which is scriptural!) not just manufactured in convenience and social exigency. We need values based on virtues given by God.

Just as Newton did not create gravity, but discovered it, so we cannot create true virtues, but discover them, making them the bedrock of our values. We must be careful we don’t sacrifice truth on the altar of popular acceptance. Values without virtues are barren.

This week think about: 1) What is the bedrock of my values system? 2) When am I tempted to “go along to get along?” 3) How can I be a person of hope this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Values without virtues are barren.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may proclaim the virtues of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9 NET Bible)

Cause and Effect

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Brenda’s Blog – January 26, 2016

“The weed of crime bears bitter fruit – crime doesn’t pay – the Shadow knows!”

My faithful companion on my road trips is the Sirius XM channel Radio Classics. I laugh with the comedians, learn from the history serials, get goosebumpy from Suspense and the Traveler, but totally revel in the investigative shows like Johnny Dollar, or The Shadow.

True to the 40s and 50s right always triumphed over wrong. And crime did not pay!

When I switch to the news stations I am stunned by the inversion of this principle. There is very little evidence of right and wrong. Political correctness, tolerance, and comfort have replaced standards and expectations.

Recently, a school announced they were sending report cards to parents, but giving out “grade enhanced reports” to the students so they wouldn’t feel bad about themselves and be discouraged.

The next generations need to understand the value of making good choices. And understanding the penalty for bad ones. But if our culture keeps blurring the lines and rewarding incompetence we will suffer dire consequences.

“Why should I work hard for $8 an hour when I can get $100s by selling drugs?” The young man was asking a serious question, not taunting me. When you erase the weight of the law and the measure of healthy values, this question is valid. The answer isn’t to eliminate the criminality, but to instill an understanding of human life value and the impact of such actions.

The current norms bewilder and sadden me. I guess I will continue listening to radio heroes capture the bad guys assuring them “crime does not pay.”

People Patterns

Weekly Thought – February 9, 2016

Fred spoke and wrote much about matching organizations and people. The concept of “fit” is important to the effective organization. He believed leaders needed to use the art and science of discernment when making good personnel decisions.

The BWFLI season is well underway. The steering committees at Lindsey Wilson College, Alice Lloyd College, Asbury University, and Palm Beach University are diligently planning venues. Continue praying for all who are preparing as team members. And pray for the students to find a connection.

People Patterns

Strong leaders identify patterns of behavior in their associates, especially those who are close to them. I have found it helpful to employ people in the area of their gifts, and passions. Then you only have to coordinate them, not supervise. I want to know about:

1) Character – This determines how a person uses his or her intelligence.

2) Confidence level – This is critical because it permits someone to attempt a task with a positive attitude and concentration. Loss of concentration is often disastrous.

3) Concept of self – This reflects how a person sees themselves. I am not talking about self-image, but self-worth. This has a lot to do with a person’s willingness to accept responsibility and self-development.

4) Collegial abilities – This assists to maximize team environments. Loners can be stars, but rarely make good team members. It is good to know whether a person is cooperative or competitive and under which conditions and circumstances.

5) Commitment – This is particularly critical because understanding of the organization’s vision and mission make a difference in the progress of the associate and the organization. Matching a person’s skills and passions with the overall vision is one of the key responsibilities of the strong leader.

This discernment is particularly important as measured by the size of the organization. One person out of place in a group of 100 represents 1%. The wrong person in the wrong place in a group of 5 represents 20%. Trying to continue with a misfit is like trying to run a marathon with a pebble in the shoe. Understanding behavior is the key to peak performance.

This week think about: 1) What concerns do I have about fit? 2) How can I tell my associates are being optimized? 3) What can I do to strengthen my people reading skills?

Words of Wisdom: “It is good to know whether a person is cooperative or competitive and under which conditions and circumstances.”

Wisdom from the Word: “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great discernment; the breadth of his understanding was as infinite as the sand on the seashore.” (1 Kings 4:29 NET Bible)

Leading The Charge

Weekly Thought – February 2, 2016

Fred often asked “What is the object of the exercise?” He sought clarity before taking action. He particularly appreciated leaders who valued vision as a key responsibility.

BWFLI is moving quickly into the 2016 schedule. Planning for all four schools is well underway. Your prayer and financial support is greatly appreciated. Please lift up Lindsey Wilson College, Alice Lloyd College, Asbury University, and Palm Beach Atlantic University. And pray for the teams as they prepare.

Leading The Charge

Max DePree, author of Leadership Jazz once said, “The number one responsibility of top management is to define reality.”
Why are we operating? What are we about? What are we dedicated to? Once those questions have been addressed and a consensus around their answers develops, a leader has a mandate – a foundation out of which to determine programs, recruit leadership, establish organizational culture, and figure out what and what not to do.

1) Loyalty to the mandate, not the leader is critical. The leader has to say, “I am subservient to this mandate. You don’t serve me. Your job isn’t to make me happy. And don’t keep me in charge unless I fulfill the mandate.”

2) Narrow the focus. There needs to be specificity in the mandate – no broad umbrella statements which cover like tents. It should not be possible to interpret a mandate except in a narrow sense.

3) Create the right team. When a leader is sure of the mandate, he or she can create a more effective team. The needed leadership can be defined. Selection can be largely determined by the mandate.

4) Call is different from mandate. Mandate is institutional; call is personal. A leader needs to have a sense of call and dedication to serve effectively. Leaders continue to measure their call against the organizational mandate to assess the sync.

As leaders think about the mandate for their organizations, they should remember: the simplest way it can be accomplished is the most effective. Organizations tend to let what they do become too complicated. Albert Einstein once said, “God does what he does in its simplest form.” How can we improve upon that?

This week think about: 1) Do I operate with clarity in both my mandates and my call? 2) How effective are my teams? 3) What can I do this week to simplify my operations?

Words of Wisdom: “As leaders think about the mandate for their organizations, they should remember: the simplest way it can be accomplished is the most effective.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He prayed: ‘O Lord, God of Israel, there is no god like you in heaven above or on earth below! You maintain covenantal loyalty to your servants who obey you with sincerity.’” (1 Kings 8: 23 NET Bible)

Understanding Each Other

Weekly Thought – January 26, 2016

Fred’s grasp of human nature gave him an almost uncanny ability to “read” people. His understanding of fundamental principles allowed him to assess motivations, habit patterns, and behavior. As in many situations, Fred knew there was an art and a science to the study of people.

Understanding Each Other

Those who use discernment in leadership can be helped by these principles:

1) Everyone is logical according to his or her reasoning base. I used to believe everyone who disagreed with me was illogical (since I was the measure of logic, of course). Alfred Adler showed me that everyone is logical if you understand the fundamental premise from which he/she is operating. It is important to recognize you don’t know the person’s base until you can accurately predict future behavior. Understanding their base enables me to understand their logic.

2) Dependence can create hostility. One of my psychiatrist friends introduced me to this concept. It has been emotionally helpful in business, and mentoring, as well as with the family. This occurs when someone is dependent emotionally, financially, or spiritually on someone else, and gets angry about it. In older age physical dependence can create this hostile environment. We see this in long term employment situations, and even in long term marriages. People who grow dependent deny their need while continuing to accept the benefits of the situation. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” is a perfect example of hostile dependence lived out.

3) Psychic space requirements differ from one person to another. In a small group a woman became extremely emotional and shouted out, “I hate you, I hate you!” What happened? The leader of the group invaded her personal space and triggered an outburst. As leaders, we need to be careful to correctly identify boundaries and not create emotionally compromising situations. Those who head cross-culturally certainly understand this concept for these limits change dramatically from one culture to another, creating possibilities for misunderstanding and mistrust. We have spiritual space, as well. Too often people jump into another’s space with “penetrating” questions that border on the curious not the interested. We must earn the right to be invited into “soul space.”

Understanding these principles helps us lead with integrity. Facts are always preceded by feelings and using discernment allows us to match one with the other.

This week think about: 1) How can I grow in the use of discernment? 2) What examples can I think of to demonstrate each principle? 3) How well do I know the people around me?

Words of Wisdom: “People who grow dependent deny their need while continuing to accept the benefits of the situation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “indeed, if you call out for discernment – raise your voice for understanding” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Driving Wisely

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Brenda’s Blog – January 26, 2016

“Prison area – do not pick up hitchhikers!”

As I drove along highway 25 in Kentucky on my way to Indiana, I glanced at the road sign and smiled. It is hard to imagine a prisoner’s standing out by the road with his thumb extended. And, it is even harder to think of someone who would freely offer a ride. Clearly, this has happened because the warning sign in bold letters was necessary to protect the public.
Then I started thinking about the spiritual prisons in our lives. And how we too eagerly open up the door, accepting hitchhikers. We allow felonious emotions such as fear, greed, anger, and unforgiveness to enter our souls. In so doing we become embroiled and endangered and imprisoned.

We are created in Christ Jesus for freedom, not bondage. We are given the grace of God to break the chains which hold us down. We don’t have to accept the hitchhikers of iniquity and injustice. When circumstances tempt us to relinquish our liberty, we can say no. We were released for good works and given the power to run without the shackles of past failures, unhealthy relationships, or severe losses.

Where are your prison areas? Where does the enemy of your soul want to send out a malicious hitchhiker to burden you? Heed the words of warning: lock those doors, roll up the windows, and keep on driving. And remember orange jumpsuits are not a fashion statement!

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