Eye of the Beholder

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Brenda’s Blog – October 20, 2015

“The mountains spoil the view.”

Years ago I traveled frequently to the Pacific Northwest. Flying into Portland thrilled me. Leaving the mountains behind made me sigh. On one trip back to Iowa, I sat next to a farmer from Nebraska. As a plane chit-chatter, I said, “Don’t you love seeing the mountains?” “No, I don’t. The mountains block the view.” I was stunned. THE MOUNTAINS WERE THE VIEW! He went on to explain he could step out on his Nebraska porch and see for miles and miles – that was the view he loved.

I realized much of life is based on our own perspective, and experiences. I treasured the majesty of mountains; he resented the way they limited his sight line. For me to establish my preference as the rule would damage any further conversation.

In the last few weeks a dear friend and I traveled through New Mexico, Colorado, and Texas. I eagerly anticipated the ride on the Durango to Silverton narrow gauge steam railroad. The ride through the mountain passes and along the Animas River excited me. My sweet friend politely expressed appreciation for the beauty of the turning leaves, and the mighty rock walls… but with polite reservation.

There were times when the granite cliffs were so close we could literally reach out of the open observation car and touch the rocks. I must admit my breaths were shortened by the altitude and the closed in pathway.

We descended from the heights of Silverton into the open meadows around Durango. “I love this,” was her response as she took a deep breath. To me, it was just high altitude flat lands. To her, it was a place she could finally see the view.

In the next few days we traveled through stark New Mexico into Santa Fe, and finally into Amarillo, TX. “Now, this is what I like!” REALLY? Except for the Cadillac Ranch on I-40 outside town, and the enormous roadside cross, I missed the beauty she saw.

Personality preferences are real. Different perceptions exist. When we only see life through our own framework, we miss so much. My friend taught me to look at acres of Texas Panhandle land with new eyes… and appreciate it greatly. I still love the grandeur of the peaks, but the wideness of the prairie now brings a smile.

Color of Inner Credit

Weekly Thought – October 20, 2015

Fred’s bride of 67 years would have been 100 on Sunday of this week. They met in seventh grade English class, but didn’t date until they both graduated from Hume-Fogg High School in Nashville, TN. In those days many scamps called it Human Frog! Her devotion to Fred lasted until her last breath. On this day in 2004 just weeks before her death, she turned to him in their side by side hospital beds, looked at him and said, “You are a good looking boy!”

Please continue to pray for the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute as the 2016 and 2017 planning begins. The ability to begin conversations and create connections is a very real mission. Thank you for your encouragement.

Color of Inner Credit

Texas is my adopted home state. I was raised in Tennessee but gravitated toward the Lone Star state through business (“bidness” to Texans) and Focus Weeks on Baptist campuses. I discovered personalities as big as the hats.

My friend Vivian Mead regaled all of us with stories of growing up in West Texas. Her tales of driving people off the sidewalks seemed perfectly natural.

An anonymous friend was a devoted hunter and ended up with a rather balding old lion after a hunt. His wife ordered a wig and had it fitted on the thinning mane.

Colorful personalities are a tangible asset. I have known many businessmen who borrowed against them. But without an equivalent character, color fades. Too many attempt great efforts with only flashy styles without waiting for the slower methods. This creates a hollowness.

One successful Texas told me, “I had the ability to borrow money before I had to ability to make it.” He said he would have missed out if his profit performance justified the money he needed. He had the talent to bring color and productivity together, but not all do. In Texas they have an apt expression: “He is all hat and no cattle!” This is color without anything to back it up.

I found in Eastern corporations the wide open, personality-driven style created wariness. The “Howdy, podner” was a novelty, but often questioned. The genuine articles won over the skeptical, but the ones who tried to ride in on nothing but personality soon found a cold reception.
Colorful personalities are noticed more quickly than others. But there has to be substance – there has to be some cattle to back it up. I enjoy the bold brashness of my southwestern friends, but I also respect the effort they make to be real.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who are my colorful friends? 2) How much of what I do is personality driven? 3) What can I do to develop depth?

Words of Wisdom: “Colorful personalities are a tangible asset.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He commanded them: ‘Carry out your duties with respect for the Lord, with honesty, and with pure motives.’” (2 Chronicles 19:9 NET Bible)

Ego Capital

Weekly Thought – October 13, 2015

Fred valued the gifts of others. He spent time thinking about his friends and colleagues, considering ways to grow them – or as he said, “stretch others.” He understood his own gifts, but was not concerned with his own ego-centered footprint.

The BWFLI Prayer Network is beginning this month. Our single purpose is to lift up Christian institutions of higher education. We commit to be gap-standers holding them up before our Father God. If you want to join this group, receiving monthly emails please send your name and email address to brenda@bwfli.com

Ego Capital

Folk singer Joan Baez talked on television about American friends who had too much “psychological investment” in socialism to be able to criticize any left-leaning government, no matter how cruel.

Each group finds themselves invested so deeply they are committed often to a logical fault. Many a capitalist is obviously corrupted by wealth – by investment in that system. The intellectual gets corrupted by Marxism or Liberalism or Secular Humanism. The years spent acquiring the knowledge becomes personal, portable property. Each becomes protective of a position where notoriety has been gained. We become immovable at times because our egos are invested.

Sadly, we can confuse our personal interests with the objective truth.

I was once so unkind as to ask a doctors’ group what their reaction would be to a universal pill capable of curing all diseases without any bad side effects. Some laughed. Others questioned the practicality. But others suggested it should be researched until after their retirement. They had a great deal of ego invested in the current system.

I am convinced many leaders hold to thinking which is counterproductive for their organizations because it embodies their ideas, their methodologies, and their histories.

When asked to consult in business conflicts my first statement is “Follow the egos.” Undoubtedly, this will lead to the source of the trouble. I am not suggesting this results in resolution, but it does uncover the headwaters of the quarrel.

Ego, like stress, can be positive and negative. Certainly nothing is accomplished without the clear sense of self. But the pollution of the purpose by the desire for personal gain corrupts. A leader must know his/her gifts and operate from strength. But the true leader disciplines the ego, using the gifts to guide the organization.

This week think about: 1) Where am I allowing my ego to throw me off track? 2) How can I look at myself objectively? 3) What does a disciplined ego look like?

Words of Wisdom: “When asked to consult in business conflicts my first statement is ‘Follow the egos.’”

Wisdom from the Word: “For by the grace given to me I say to every one of you not to think more highly of yourself than you ought to think, but to think with sober discernment, as God has distributed to each of you a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3 NET Bible)

Misguided Good Intentions

Weekly Thought – October 6, 2015

Fred thought ahead so he wouldn’t be surprised. He always thought good executives had the capacity to lead without excessive noise and drama. He demonstrated this in observing: “Some executives build up a legend for sensational saves – shoe string catches – in situations that they should never have gotten into in the first place.”

In these next six months we will introduce two initiatives to serve our Christian institutions of higher education, and the next generation of leaders. Please pray as the BWFLI Prayer Network and the Women’s Leadership Cohort of BWFLI move forward.

Misguided Good Intentions

No executive gains maturity until he or she has fired a friend from a job which is clearly a misfit. Knowing this is in the person’s best interest rarely saves the outcome of a broken relationship, at least for the short term.

One of my friends made this difficult decision knowing it was necessary for his organization – and for the employee. To ignore the situation would be dishonest. Years later, the employee returned to say, “The day you fired me was one of my worst, but now I look back on it as one of the best. This was the wrong job and you had the courage to say so.”

A close friend built up a very successful business. He came to see me to talk over a key personnel issue – his son wanted to join the firm “How will you tell his Mother you are going to fire him?” I asked just like this so he felt the impact on the family, (especially his wife!) not just the business. Long before a family member is hired, they had better think about how they are going to fire them. This may never come, but being surprised leads to bad decisions.

A banker once advised me: “Never use your money to delay a failure.” Out of misguided pity, we often use out time and resources to prolong the agony of a hopeless situation while we ignore the potential of a dozen alternatives.

As a board member and friend of many Christian organizations, I see this way more than I should. The idea of “Christian love” covers up inefficient and ineffective employee relations. People who should be relieved are reassigned or moved to non-essential positions. Our stewardship of people’s gifts requires wise management.

Seeking to be popular is to hand your moral choices over to others. An example is a parent who loves a child too little to administer punishment. We know “love is willing the best for the other.” The willingness to make the tough call for the good of the individual and the organization is the hallmark of strong leadership.

Think about this: 1) How would I deal with the family business situation? 2) Who needs a tough love conversation? 3) Why do others shrink back from confronting me?

Words of Wisdom: “No executive gains maturity until he or she has fired a friend from a job which is clearly a misfit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The intentions of the heart belong to a man, but the answer of the tongue comes from the Lord.” (Proverbs 16:1 NET Bible)

Jump Up!

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Brenda’s Blog – October 6, 2015

“Resurrect!”

My 14 year old grandson and I are reenactors with Neeley’s Roughnecks, an artillery unit. The battle of Elkhorn Tavern (or Pea Ridge) resulted in the loss of nearly 4,000 lives. Men (and women) fought and died on that rolling farmland in Northwestern Arkansas.

This weekend we shared the experience with hundreds of others. Rarely are the guns overrun. The artillery generally stands strong, firing until the end of the battle. However, this time the infantry fell back, leaving the cannons vulnerable. We fought with our implements but were overcome. We fell to the ground by the guns.

“How long do we have to be dead?” was the question I heard from someone nearby. “Until the battle is over” came back the answer.

Finally, the commanding general shouted, “RESURRECT!” At this point we all rose to our feet, shook hands, and packed up to go back to our urban environments.

I could not avoid thinking about the symbolism and the application to our lives. We are all in a battle, aren’t we? Sometimes we win the skirmishes and sometimes we lose. But the battle goes on.

At some point the general will shout throughout all creation, “RESURRECT!” The dead will rise and those who are still living will join them in the air. What an exciting thought.

Applying this to our daily lives makes us think about relationships we have. Aren’t there some which seem to be dead, but can be revived? Aren’t there friends, children, grandchildren, who seem to be dead in sin but hopefully will hear the voice of the Master calling them to life? What about our hard hearts? We may feel dead, but there is life everlasting which is available to us.

Let’s stay in the battle, but let’s know the call is on the horizon – RESURRECTION DAY IS COMING!

Do The Right Thing

Weekly Thought – September 22, 2015

Fred was once told he “didn’t understand how things are done” when he took an ethical stand requiring personal loss. Still, he held his position. He wasn’t a Don Quixote who jousted at windmills – he didn’t “take on” issues for the sake of crusading. He did, however, dig in when it came to an ethical posture, despite what the culture expected.

Do The Right Thing

The integrity of a leader often is shown in the stand he/she takes for right against mistaken popular concepts. This isn’t done to be difficult, or different, but daring to be right, avoiding the temptation to jump into the downstream flow. Christian leaders search for the biblical right and wrong in each issue.

The author Chaim Potok said a true leader is never absorbed in the stream in which he swims. Scripture would say this leader is transformed, not conformed.

Our society is facing many positions that need biblical challenge and clarification. For example, relativism, alternative lifestyles, personal responsibility versus rights, acquisition and distribution of wealth, racial reconciliation, political expediency, self-love, and the power of peer pressure.

Values and ethics have become a hot subject almost to the point of being a cultural fad. Think tanks embrace the topic; philanthropists contribute great sums for research; universities endow chairs to study the subject; and writers produce piles of best-selling volumes. However, they generally ignore the biblical imperatives, leaving the study to
human behavior.

At a Norman Vincent Peale conference on “values-based leadership,” I listened to top experts discuss the topic. I had no disagreement with their illustrations and points. However, when I spoke, I told the audience we need to root our human values in divine virtues. If we do not put down deep biblical roots, we end up controlled by our human desires which are variable due to our selfish interests.

True authenticity requires an ethical system founded in biblical virtues which have not been humanly manufactured, but discovered because they were given by God. Our authority needs to come from outside ourselves.

Newton did not create the law of gravity – he observed and codified it. Just so, we cannot create true virtue – but only discover it and make it the foundation for our values.

This week consider: 1) How are my values influenced by the culture? 2) What challenges my ethics in my work, in my home? 3) When does my thinking get fuzzy about biblical values?

Words of Wisdom: “If we do not put down deep biblical roots, we end up controlled by our human desires which are variable due to our selfish interests.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have given them your word, and the world has hated them, because they do not belong to the world just as I do not belong to the world.” (John 17:14 NET Bible)

Imperatives in Effective Speaking (Summary)

Weekly Thought – September 15, 2015

Fred outlined his Imperatives for Effective Speaking. This week we summarize the series. This Weekly Thought is longer than normal, but definitely a “keeper.” This was previously released, but it remains helpful to keep handy.
Thank you for your feedback and the practical applications of his work. And as always, thank you for your faithful encouragement and support.

Imperatives in Effective Speaking (Summary)

Speaking to an audience is an awesome responsibility. The following points are touchstones for me.

1) Ready Your Attitude – Attitude colors every word, every gesture, and body movement. Anyone who feels the audience is fortunate in having them speak is prostituting the opportunity.

2) Your Material – A speaker’s self-respect and sense of responsibility should start with content. If there is no content, there is no reason to speak. Preparation is the price we pay for the privilege of speaking.

3) Be believable – If the audience believes the messenger, it is easier to believe the message. A truth that is not believed is useless. Ask yourself: “Can I make this truth believable?” If not, then wait to express it until you can.

4) Focus on the Audience – Always speak to the audience about a subject, not about a subject to an audience. The audience is the focal point. Know their felt needs and desires before you lead them to their real needs.

5) Create a personal touch – Personal communication is like a conversation eyeball to eyeball. This creates the feeling that I know you and you know me. Good communication is more than a function; it is a relationship. To be effective, it must be personal.

6) Create an enjoyable atmosphere – Take your subject seriously, but not yourself. Let people join in the enjoyment with you. Make sure it is more than entertaining – make it profitable. To be enjoyable, both the emotions and the mind must be stimulated.

7) Maintain human quality – Demagogues and con men sound like messiahs. They lack the reality of integrity. Respect others’ intellectual integrity by speaking person to person. Humor is a humanizer.

8) Utilize basic presentation skills: a) fire in the voice; b) develop good rhythm and cadence; c) adjust the pace of ideas and words; d) use a sincere tone; e) enunciate clearly; f) avoid affectations; g) use appropriate volumes for subject matter and size of the audience; h) practice natural gestures; i) choose words suitable for the subject; j) maintain continuity between words and subject.

9) Communicate with purpose – Before you try to communicate, determine what you want to happen at the close. I want to change or solidify attitudes into convictions and positively affect behavior.

10) Speak with power – When we speak for God, we should speak or communicate God’s message for God’s glory, not our own. The Spirit must convince; we can only be present. When we desire to be empowered we must have as pure a motive as humanly possible.

11) Pray before speaking – Prayer should be an ingredient of the preparation, not a sauce poured over it. If you have prayed adequately before speaking you won’t need to ask the audience to pray for you while you speak. They should be listening. Prayer helps me to exclude the extraneous – the ego licks, the hidden agenda items, and the subtle kicks.

12) Learn the sacredness of brevity – “Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I’ve said enough.” Never go beyond the allotted time. Don’t satisfy them so much they’ll never want to hear you again.

This week think about: 1) Which point jumps off the page? 2) How am I going to implement these imperatives? 3) When am I going to email BWF and tell them how I am using this material?

Words of Wisdom: “Speaking to an audience is an awesome responsibility.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The speech of the righteous bears the fruit of wisdom.” (Proverbs 10:31a – NET Bible)

Miles To Go

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Brenda’s Blog- September 8, 2015

“And miles to go before I sleep; and miles to go before I sleep.” – Robert Frost

Frost’ poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowing Evening is one of America’s favorites. The imagery stimulates our imagination. The poignant words evoke a variety of emotions.

Of course, reflection on the road not taken has been translated by Scott Peck into “the road less traveled.” Sermons, commencement addresses, pre-game pep talks, and parental admonitions have all alluded to the opportunities of life and making good choices.

But is the road not taken always a negative? I think not. Certainly not as poetic, but surely as true is the title of the country western ballad, “Thank God For Unanswered Prayer.” The road not taken and the prayer unanswered can be a source of tremendous gratitude.

One of the distinct advantages of quickly approaching the 3/4 century mark is reflection. Remembering choices, good and bad; reliving experiences, good and bad; rehashing conversations, good and bad – all part of the reflective process. Usually my conclusion is gratitude for those roads I didn’t take and for those prayers God answered with a “no.”

Seeing His hand of protection when my senses took a temporary vacation humbles me. When I recognize the learning through difficulties and problems I am grateful growth is a process.

Walks through woods on snowy evenings are rare in East Texas, but we can still enjoy the solitude of pine trees, white-tipped or not. Looking up at the trees puts life into perspective. Musing about what they have seen, give me a longer view. The music of the trees would thrill Sondheim.

Many times I have quoted the “miles to go” with a sigh and a shrug. Today I realize what a gift those miles are. The experiences they represent will provide fodder for future reflection. Undoubtedly those miles will include some missteps, but they will also allow for unspeakable joys. I am thankful that there are miles to go before that last sleep. And I am most appreciative for those roads not taken.

Get It Done People – Part Four

Weekly Thought – September 8, 2015

Fred overachieved when thinking. Give him a thought and he would chase it down roads totally unknown to the civilized world. He once started thinking about words to hymns and made a list of hundreds. And, on a sleepless night he remembered the punch lines to 200 jokes. When asked to give 12 principles for high impact living, he finally ran out of paper well into the 40s. This week we complete a four week excursion into the wilds of Fred’s thoughts on this subject. There are scribbles in the margins of these pages, but we will stop with these 40. Parts 1-3 are available at breakfastwithfred.com in the Weekly Thought archives.

Thank you for believing in our work and telling us stories of being stretched by Fred’s thoughts. Continue to pray and when possible, help us financially to keep the website and the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute strong.

Get It Done People – Part Four

High Impact People:

31) Use money as a means, not an end. They know that money is option and they see it as a tool, not an idol. They know how to avoid the “is this all there is?” trap.

32) Unite joy and accomplishment – I wrote a section of my first book (the great undiscovered classic You and Your Network) on “Joy for the Journey.” Work is part of God’s blessing. Accomplishment and achievement bring a sense of purpose and well-being.

33) Emphasize responsibilities, not rights – responsibilities laminate – that is, bring people together; rights divide.

34) Properly define pleasure – There is a misconception that life should be serious and any hint of pleasure is the sure road to hedonism. Baloney! Eric Liddell gives a clear definition when he says, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure.” Pleasure is the emotion of living life in the sweet spot.

35) Recognize reality versus image – we live in a world weary of words and longing for authenticity. Too many who adopt the “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset end up perpetually faking it and never making it.

36) Celebrate – one of my dear friends, Jack Modesett, likes to ask about goal accomplishment by saying, “How will we know when it is time to celebrate?” It is important to celebrate steps along the way to the big mile marker. And joining others in the recognition of accomplishment is key.

37) Understand the difference between character and intelligence – I have rarely seen a gifted person fail because they lacked training, or even intelligence. By far, the majority of failures come because of character flaws. Check the plumb lines to make sure the character is aligned.

38) Create an environment of encouragement – they know how to make others see their gifts, use them, and feel good about themselves.

39) Make long term goals – instant gratification isn’t a hallmark of high impact people. A young man told me recently his idea of long term planning was lunch the next day. That man has much to learn!

40) Aren’t surprised at the price tag for success – I once told a woman who complained about her executive husband’s hours: “Madam, you want the earnings of a racehorse and the placidity of a mule.” There are no shortcuts.

This week consider: 1) Out of the 40 principles, which one grabbed me? 2) How much do I want a high impact life? 3) What am I willing to do to fulfill my potential?

Words of Wisdom: “Madam, you can’t have the earnings of a racehorse and the placidity of a mule.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the love of money is the root of all evils. Some people in reaching for it have strayed from the faith and stabbed themselves with many pains.” (1 Timothy 6:10 NET Bible)

Get It Done People – Part Three

Weekly Thought – September 1, 2015

Fred was born September 1, 2015. His Mother was his guiding light. She taught him the value of ideas and their ability to affect outcomes. The limits placed on him through physical disabilities and economic lack did not dampen his dreams. The little boy who listened to the world on his crystal radio in the attic became a man who stretched others. We continue with his principles for high impact living. Parts one and two can be accessed at www.breakfastwithfred.com in the Weekly Thought archives or on www.bwfli.com

On this day when Fred would have been 100 years, please tell someone else about the website and the Weekly Thoughts. Help us expand his reach and deepen the impact.

Get It Done People – Part Three

High Impact People:

21) Vision of success – They have a picture of who they want to be and what they want to do. They understand the old Chinese proverb: “If you vision is one year, plant wheat; the years, plant a tree; and 100 years, plant people.”

22) Associate with the Best – Be the smallest fish in the biggest pond. Always put yourself in the arena with stronger players. And remember to associate for growth and development, not social climbing.

23) Travel – Expand your view of culture and cultures. Take calculated risks and enjoy challenging experiences.

24) Read – My friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones says, “Except for the people you meet and the books you read, you will be the same person in five years as you are today.” The old axiom, “leaders are readers” still holds true. But, be discerning. Read in your areas of development. And don’t feel like you have to read something just because somebody recommends it, or sends it to you. Don’t just read what you agree with – let others challenge you.

25) Write – My mentor Maxey Jarman demanded written solutions to any problems I could recognize. He reminded me that thoughts untangle as they pass through the mind and out through the point of the pencil. Writing clarifies.

26) Are Respected by Others – International developer Trammel Crow said, “I only want executives that others want to see succeed.”

27) Pick the right mentor – Never accept a volunteer mentor. Understand the principles of a mentoring relationship. Know what the responsibilities of the mentor and the mentoree.

28) Demonstrate humility – My favorite definition of humility is: “Humility is not denying the power you have but admitting it comes through you, not from you.” Meekness is harnessed strength, not weakness.

29) Operate ethically – One of my friends had a plaque on his desk which read: “You can count on me to be who I say I will be and do what I say I will do.” Nick Moore of Price Waterhouse Coopers put it this way: “It is important to know what you stand for and what you won’t stand for!”

30) Follow Jim Collins’ Good to Great model – “Have the wrong people off the bus, the right people on, and the right people doing the right things.”

This week think about: 1) Which of these strikes me the hardest? 2) Where am I influencing others? 3) Who could benefit from Fred’s wisdom this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Humility is not denying the power but admitting it comes through you and not from you.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11: 2 NET Bible)

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