Paying the Price

Brenda’s Blog – December 13, 2022

“Joy costs – there is nothing free.”

My son-in-law and I were laughing about the “privilege” of material ownership. He and my daughter had just completed winterizing their boat and undergoing regular maintenance. “But just remember all the happy hours you spend riding on the lake with friends,” I said with my positive voice.

He quickly and wise responded, “Joy costs… there is nothing free.” Yes, indeed.

Marketing and advertising textbooks tell us the word “Free” grabs attention faster than any others. This was true decades ago when I was in college and is still true today. Think of the way it is used and draws us in, grabbing us, even if just briefly. It got “eyeballs!”

But when we read the small print carefully we realize there is always a catch.

We talk about the gift of salvation is free, don’t we? We talk about grace as receiving something which is undeserved. But on closer examination we see that without a doubt – our salvation may be unearned by us, but it is NOT free… it cost the second person of the Trinity dearly. He paid with His life so that we could live forever in fellowship with the great God, creator of heaven and earth.

As we prepare to celebrate the Incarnation may we joyfully remember He came into our midst to bring redemption, reconciliation, and restoration. As someone said, “He moved into our neighborhood.” Yes! He became one of us, yet without sin. Hallelujah!

May you walk in faith, hope, and truth as you think about what Christmas means.

What A Difference A Day Makes

Brenda’s Blog – November 29, 2022

It is almost 5:00 on a Saturday afternoon. Every window brings in beautiful fall sunshine. The leaves are creating a patterned ground covering resembling a Persian carpet. The poem, Pippa’s Song comes to mind: “God’s in His heaven, all’s right in the world.” The crisp, fresh air invigorates and makes me smile.

Twenty-four hours ago I was gathering pillows, rugs, flashlights, bottled water, closed-toe shoes, head covering, and my charged up phone. Why? The weather report went from “storm predicted, to tornado watch, to tornado warning with those frightening words, “Find your windowless, inside place and shelter.”

For the next hours I sat on my ottoman with the weather warnings blaring “now crossing I-20, spotted north of Hawkins.” Thankfully the power stayed on. 600 of the 1800 homes in our community lost power, but through the several hours of hunkering down in my “tornado closet” the lights, TV, and appliances hummed along without a glitch.

Yes, we had a tremendous storm with lightning streaks, thunder, and rain, but the tornado turned away. I awoke to a classic November morning.

What a difference a day made!

Tonight I will go to sleep only to wake up with an extra hour. What happened? I didn’t time travel; I didn’t step through into the Twilight Zone. No, I crossed that mysterious, Congress-imposed “time change.” In the wee hours we fell back. I remember last year when I was traveling on this weekend. I went West gaining two time zones, so my fall back was three hours!

It takes so very little for an experience to change the trajectory of our lives, doesn’t it? A phone call, a visit, an invitation, a business decision – all can take such a short time with such long term consequences. Lively wisely means keeping our eyes open to see the blessings of each day and working hard to appreciate them. Each day is an opportunity to fully share grace with others, making a difference in their days.

Wait To Worry

Weekly Thought – November 29, 2022

Fred mastered the art of “one liners,” as he called them. He learned to encapsulate his ideas into nuggets through the telegram method: as much meaning in as few words. This week is “vintage Fred” from the 1950s or 1960s. Until his death in 2007 he lived by these three words.

Wait To Worry

Worry – that nagging headache of the soul. I was once a full time worrier, but I resigned my membership in the club along about the 1940s. It took some doing, for one in the club it is hard to get out. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

I wasn’t a part-time worrier who took his worries to bed. No, sir, I was afraid of going to sleep which is a sure fire way for a genuine worrier to lose his self-respect. I would instead sit up with a pot of coffee… rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t sleep – I just tossed and perked.

I decided to stop worrying. After two years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry.

Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull, “Wait to Worry.”

Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had the facts. If I didn’t I told myself, “Wait to worry.” Gradually, the habit started to form and after two or three years worrying was conquered. In the process I learned some interesting statistics about the subject. For example, a study I saw showed 40% of what people worry about has already passed: 30% will never happen: 22% when it happens will be so minor it wouldn’t be worth the worry and only 8% will be real. It hit me I was spending time on something that was 92% inefficient and ineffective.

Another intriguing fact about worry… the things we worry about today are the things we generally laugh about tomorrow. Think about family reunions… what do we laugh about the loudest? Usually things that weren’t funny at all when they occurred. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about?” Most of the time they were, so we laughed then – why put off the opportunity for some good fun?

My favorite example comes from our son Fred. When he was young he wasn’t strong on washing his hands. One time before dinner he came in from playing outside, dunked his hands in the sink, and planted them on one of Mary Alice’s clean white towels. As you can imagine, she took a very dim view of the imprint! I thought it would be funny to hide the towel. Years later I had it framed. When I presented it to her the tears started flowing, “Aren’t they sweet? Aren’t they sweet?”

What was a source of “irritation,” became a moment of great joy.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I handle worry? 2) Would reminding myself to “wait to worry” change how I deal with stress? 3)Who could benefit from this “vintage Fred?”

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Count Your Blessings

Weekly Thought – November 22, 2022

Fred and Mary Alice established gratitude and thanksgiving as foundational for their family. They built into each child “Be A Blessing” was an essential part of the family vocabulary. Thanksgiving was Mary Alice’s favorite family celebration. And all year long whenever the family gathered around the table she would smile and say, “Now, THIS is Thanksgiving!”

Count Your Blessings

Gratitude is a very positive emotion. Han Selye gives it high marks in his celebrated spectrum of emotions. The grateful are among the happiest, most balanced individuals. They have an outward view of life. They have kept the old ritual of “counting blessings.”

Gratitude should start with the very basics: life, health, adequate food, clothing and shelter, love among relations, freedom, and a personal relationship with God. Too often we take the basics for granted. And focusing on the “big blessings” can distract us from recognizing and acknowledging those we just assume.

When I first read in the Psalms that God asks for “the sacrifice of gratitude” I wondered how that could be. Then on further consideration I saw when we are grateful we appreciate that another has done something for us we could not do for ourselves. The arrogant, self-sufficient ones find gratitude difficult. Too often we want others to need us, but resent needing others. God is saying to us He wants our egos to say, “Thank you. I need you – or as the hymnist says, “I need you every hour.” This is a humbling experience, but it is also exhilarating.

Have you stopped recently to make a list of things for which you are grateful? I hadn’t, so as I was thinking about this I quickly jotted down some: feet I can still use to walk 18 holes; a back that doesn’t hurt all the time; eyes for reading and seeing loved ones; punctuation, because without it I would have to read text out loud; enough coordination to drive a car; some discretionary money which I never used to have; my opposing thumbs that make hands workable; a comfortable place to work and something to do; some competitive souls to argue with and a pen and paper on which I made this list.

And if you need help, you can always add Heaven, grace, forgiveness, and the presence of the Spirit.

Have you made your list? If you’re not thankful by now, then shame on you. And if shame doesn’t work, then start writing down the reasons others should be grateful for you. That very short list might develop a great deal of gratitude.

This week carefully consider: 1) How long has it been since I made a gratitude list? 2) What difference would gratitude make in my personal and professional relationships? 3) Who needs to hear “Thank you?”

Words of Wisdom: “…When we are grateful we appreciate that another has done something for us we could not do for ourselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The LORD strengthens and protects me; I trust in him with all my heart. I am rescued and my heart is full of joy; I will sing to him in gratitude.” (Psalm 28:7 NET Bible)

Anchoring Anxiety

Weekly Thought – November 15, 2022

Fred thought, wrote, and spoke much about maturity. He considered the understanding and disciplining of emotions a significant factor. His words written in the 1980s and 1990s certainly address current issues. These words on anxiety are an example of his timeless (and timely) quality.

Anchoring Anxiety

Everywhere we turn we hear “we live in anxious times.” Feeling this way has become so normal it is even socially correct. Those who don’t see life this way are considered “not with it.” TV ads tell us how to handle anxiety – not running through horror movie commercial breaks, but during the nightly news.

Even our intellectuals hold out the idea that “we live out our lives in quiet desperation.” We look to our churches for the quiet center often failing to find it.

I was personally helped by a friend who reminded me, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” is not a suggestion, but a command. A command assumes the possibility of obedience and this gave me a new point of attack. The battle isn’t won easily, nor quickly, but when we believe it can be won we are half-way there.

Floating anxiety is quite prevalent in these days. It doesn’t seem to attach itself to anything recognizable – we seem plagued with “just a feeling” that things are not right, with more trouble on the way.

When we cannot locate the reason for this discomfort we need to assess possible causes. First, we should try to become as secure as we can by reviewing our relations with those who matter most. After reviewing relations, we must look at our financial condition to see if there are any specific item which draw these feelings. Also, check out physical well-being for symptoms such as fatigue. Have we been neglecting our exercise, eating too many sweets, or avoiding other healthy habits? If we get a clean bill of health then are we doing something we know is wrong which might make us fear judgment – judgment of any kind – a spouse, our boss, or even God?

If this check-up doesn’t isolate specifically the reason for the anxiety, it at least establishes a sense of security in major areas of our life and provides a counterbalance for the uneasiness that floating anxiety storm.

One way to help is to read security Bible verses. This sounds like a crutch, and it is. For during anxious times I am crippled and who needs a crutch more than that? God never said for us to keep our Bible reading for the sunny days. He is a God of comfort.

These are times to call on the good sense of our past experience. Mary Alice often told our adolescent children (particularly the girls), “This, too, will pass.” Many times we simply have to pull our head in like a turtle and let the rain pass over.

It is especially important that we not let anxiousness about our anxiety feed on itself and synergize a molehill into a mountain. Remember, we have anxiety because we are humans living in an imperfect world. It is normal. We can help ourselves once we develop the desire and willpower to implement sensible procedures.

Now, as my good friend Steve Brown says in closing all his teaching times, “Now you think about that.”

This week carefully consider: 1) How often does floating anxiety affect me? 2) What would my personal check up look like? 3) When I am anxious which Bible verses give me strength and comfort?

Words of Wisdom: “God never said to save our Bible reading for sunny days.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy. (Proverbs 12: 25 NET Bible)

Oops

Brenda’s Blog – November 15, 2022

“It just happened.”

The concept of randomness is prevalent in our society, despite all evidence to the contrary.

A friend explained marital infidelity with those three words. There was no recognition of the many decision points between fidelity and infidelity. “I certainly didn’t plan it- it just happened.” Denial.

To the contrary my Dad gave me an eagle with these words on the base: “soaring never just happens.” Thought, discipline, and sacrifice are foundational not casual coincidence.

Likewise, my current study of worldviews reinforces my appreciation for intentional, divine creation. The Designer brought purpose, function, joy, and delight together exquisitely to speak mankind and all nature into existence.

Think about your experiences; look at the patterns; and consider that they didn’t “just happen.” Take a minute to enjoy the process. And if there are darker chapters, understand the decisions leading to those actions, learn from them, and move forward in the light.

What’s Exciting?

Weekly Thought – November 8, 2022

Fred took a piece of paper, a pencil (always), drew a line down the middle and put emotions on the left side which hindered his mental health and helpful ones on the right. Then in true Fred fashion focused on the right side of the paper. One of the primary ones was “excitement.” This week we share some of his thoughts.

What’s Exciting?

Without excitement life is flat, blah, and boring. We become negative, lethargic, and even difficult to be around. Therefore, we need to keep the energy flowing, not only personally, but professionally and certainly in our families. The wonderful news is that we can manage this element.

Often I ask other “what is exciting in your life?” I especially do this when I sense the charge in their battery is weak. For me, it is exciting to find various ways in which others might enjoy an excitement boost.

Sometimes people respond by asking me what is on my list: learning new things, meeting new people with common interests, visiting with old friends, developing others, starting new projects, wrestling with strange ideas, exploring theories I question, thinking up techniques that spring from common principles; analyzing problems and writing their parts. (By the way, I am writing this as I wait to go to Sunday School where I would be bored if it weren’t for the excellent teacher who knows how to make almost any subject exciting.) I think it would be a good discipline for teachers to decide that at least one point in every lesson is going to spark excitement.

We have to accept the responsibility for our own excitement. Two often I hear couples complain of being bored with each other for neither is willing to create something new. They depend on circumstances which is too haphazard. Just as we must plan and work to provide necessary money, so we must plan the necessary emotional stimulation for our healthy living.

Accomplishment is one of the ways to create excitement. Often it starts with a quiet resolve then builds, providing the energy to complete the task. We can accelerate this process with simple habits. For example, when I was younger I left my car on the city streets knowing I would have to move it. Getting out in the air would wake me up for an extra hour or two of work. Accomplishment followed.

The desire for accomplishment shows up late Sunday afternoon after golf has been on TV. Driving ranges all over the country start filling up with golfers come out to see if they can do what they have been watching.

We all need to feel the satisfaction of making progress – knowing we are completing tasks we have undertaken. A key factor is seeing the progress. A piece work factory study showed employees tended toward burn out and the sense of being overwhelmed when the work pile never went down. Seeing only the unfinished work gave no satisfaction of accomplishment.

Rarely do we operate at maximum levels when we cannot see the target. The more we know the target of our activity, the most excitement we get out of the accomplishment.

This week think carefully about: 1) What gives me excitement? 2) Who needs a battery charge and a word of encouragement to schedule excitement? 3)Where do I put excitement on my priority list?

Words of Wisdom: “We have to accept the responsibility for our own excitement.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that could defile the body and the spirit, and thus accomplish holiness out of reverence for God.” (2 Corinthians 7:11 NET Bible)

Fine Wine

Weekly Thought – November 1, 2022

Fred, when once asked to distinguish between joy and happiness, responded: “Happiness is a bubbling stream; joy is a deep aquifer. One is temporary and on the surface; the other is underground providing water for years.” Part two of Fred’s first book You and Your Network was Joy in the Journey.

Fine Wine

Growing older should include joy. Joy is like the wine which Christ offered to the host after turning it from ordinary water in the pots. The best was saved for the last of the marriage feast.

The normal pattern is expending the energy of youth and the exuberance of young adulthood in chasing the best. They focus on happiness. Those who age well like fine wine know that the latter years can be the best – filled with joy, not just happiness. Too many waste time drinking the best first, leaving the poorer for the years of old age. They live on the crumbs of former feasts. They are defrosting frozen meals from the past and snacking on reheated scraps rather than enjoying hot, fresh dinners.

They spend their time with memories of their “good days” rather than creating new stories, new memories, and new joys. The Christian life is not like that. As Christians we have the possibility to see our usefulness continue and even grow as we age. We are to live constantly believing that “the best is yet to be.” I am not as young and mobile as I was in my twenties, but my life is far richer from the people in my life, opportunities to mentor, seeing the family grow well. These last years have provided profound joy, not just moments of happiness.

Our prayer of gratitude as we get older should be, “Thank you, Lord, for thou hast kept the best until now.” In Scripture we see the story of the servant who accept responsibilities and duties. At the end of the story we read “Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into the joys of the Lord.” The end of life brought the very best.

Seeing aging as the time to experience the Lord’s joy should not be the exception – this should be the normal pattern for Christians. We should eagerly drink the best wine as we reach the end. We should, also, recognize the privilege and responsibility of “length of days” and use them in service, not self-interest.

This week think carefully about: 1) At my age am I focusing on temporary happiness or building a life which will bring long term joy? 2) Who is failing to appreciate the benefits of growing older? 3) What can I do to make sure I don’t eat scraps from earlier banquets?

Words of Wisdom: “As Christians we have the possibility to see our usefulness continue and even grow as we age.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Even when you are old, I will take care of you, even when you have gray hair, I will carry you. I made you and I will support you; I will carry you and rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4 NET Bible)

Giving Thanks

Brenda’s Blog – November 1, 2022

“They never have anybody pray, so I just volunteered.”

My son’s words still remain in my mind.

Their entire family of six volunteered to fill food packages for distribution to Guatemala. Feeding His Starving Children operates 30 sessions each week, drawing volunteers from the Minneapolis area. Fifty percent of them are under 18 representing church, school, community groups, and families who come to serve together.

My grandson Will wanted the family to go as part of his birthday celebration. I was blessed to be visiting and was included in the effort.

On that particular Saturday meals sufficient for thousands of orphans were boxed and prepared for shipment.

When the session ended the ministry leader announced they were going to pray over the pallets as they send them to Guatemala.

“Does anyone want to pray?” My son moved quickly to the front and prayed earnestly and clearly in the name of Jesus.

As we walked out he said, “Whenever we come, no one volunteers to pray, so I did.”

It made me think… where can I step into a vacuum? Maybe it is not public prayer, but it can be a word of kindness, an errand run, a message of hope or comfort… wherever you can say, “I could, so I did.”

Concern for Others

Weekly Thought – October 25, 2022

Fred grew up in the depths of the national depression. He grew up knowing economic downturns, as well as prosperous economic conditions. He always held to his basic principles about money: no debt, no greed, and recognition of the fact everything he had came from God. His generosity was rarely known, and his desire to serve the Lord with their resources enabled many ministries to grow.

Concern for Others

In the midst of a serious Dallas financial downturn a successful, female stock broker called me. “How is it going with you?” Since I wasn’t her client, but knew her and her reputation I asked, “Why in the middle of this chaotic time would you have time to call me?” She said, “Because I care what happens to you.” Touching.

I recently read an article saying 38 people in one day fell off the Forbes 400 list of richest people. It brings to mind how easily we can fall off a financial list, but that’s not what is ultimately important. We are to always remember to rejoice because our name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. That is a permanent list – when your name is there you cannot be removed.

Often during times of loss, particularly financial loss, we totally ignore other people. My friend Ron Ritchie sent this to me during a downturn in his life.

“I spoke to her at the bus stop, but she turned the other way.
My immediate reaction: a rush of resentment.
She’s ignoring me, and really doesn’t like me, I have always suspected it, but now I know.
“Forgive me, I didn’t see you.” (Until then I hadn’t noticed the agony lining her face.)
A hesitant pause, a catch in her voice… “I just came from the doctor’s office.
Our little boy has leukemia. It’s all a terrible nightmare.”
Lord, what loathsome selfishness!
A mother stricken with grief, her heart broken with pain
An hour of black market catastrophe and I thought only of me.
Cleanse me, Lord, sensitize me until my first concern is for others
and my last concern is for me.”

As Christians we need to be reminded, don’t we?

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I react to loss? 2) Who needs a caring word? 3) What has been my greatest loss?

Words of Wisdom: “We are to always remember to rejoice because our name is written in the Lamb’s book of life. That is a permanent list – when your name is there you cannot be removed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.” (Proverbs 22:1 NET Bible)

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