Weekly Thought – January 24, 2023

Fred experienced major losses in 1983, including financial setbacks and the death of his Mother. True to form, he crafted a personal plan for going forward. These excerpts will give a flavor of his approach.

Looking at Loss

Difficult circumstances require an organized plan. In my personal experience here are four ways I create a strategy:

1) Stay busy. I see a lot of people who don’t understand how important it is to stay busy when they have problems. They want to take off on vacation, going “to the islands,” or choosing any activity which distracts them. Howard Rome, past head of the World Psychiatric Society said to me, “Fred, stay busy.” He knew me well. He understood that by training and habit I would stay constructively busy. An executive I once knew adopted the philosophy for dealing with problems: “When in trouble, when in doubt… run in circles, scream and shout.” I am not talking about that kind of busyness. I am talking about honest, constructive work in rebuilding the wall.

2) Live with the facts. I hope I am mature enough to receive both good and bad fact any time of any day. A friend asked me if his son would be a good executive. “No.” “Why, Fred?” “Because he told me he doesn’t want to hear any bad news from any of his employees because it depresses him.” I cannot get a sound solution to my problem until I have a clear statement of the facts.

3) Never lose the good of a bad experience. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross says the greatest things that happened to her have come from the windstorms of her life. She talks about putting people in the tumbler of life for we come polished when taken out. An example of wasting a bad experience is the national response to the depression. I went into it in such a way I came out without losing a nickel – because I went in without a nickel. I have lost a great deal of money since because I have had the “depression psychosis” imprinted on it. I took the wrong lesson from the experience.

4) Be redemptive. It is my Christian responsibility that in whatever the circumstance I am to bring redemption. This is Christ’s story. I am not to be conformed to this world but transformed by the renewing of my mind. This means to me that I am not to be formed by the world and its responses to loss and hard circumstances, but by the work of the Holy Spirit. For example, revenge is not redemptive.

This week carefully consider: 1) How would I define my current circumstances? 2) Which of these points stands out as important for me? 3) What makes me know God is real in difficult circumstances?

Words of Wisdom: “I cannot get a sound solution to my problem until I have a clear statement of the facts.”

Wisdom from the Word: “More than that, I now regard all things as liabilities compared to the far greater value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things – indeed, I regard them as dung! – that I may gain Christ,” (Philippians 3:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 17, 2023

Fred established the wording for his tombstone as a young man in his twenties: “He stretched others.” His headstone in his Restland/Dallas space has those three words. When speaking of that desire he was often asked about its origin. This week features an answer he gave to a magazine interviewer.

Setting Direction

Question: “How did you decided your life mission was to stretch others?”

“I haven’t the vaguest idea how it came to be. I just realized I had an internal interest. Even all these years later I never tire of it. I have a gift for it and I have never found anything that interested me more than this pursuit. When I analyzed my activities I always get to the core and the common denominator: the desire to stretch others.”

Friends of mine who are artists or athletes have individual aims for personal development. There is certainly nothing wrong with that – it just wasn’t what attracted me. My friend who is a professional golfer strives to keep improving his game to be the best he can possibly be. Excellence is his development goal. My desire is excellence, as well, but it just happens to be in stretching others.
In thinking about personal development I see a clear difference between direction and goals. Direction is your ultimate destination – where you want your life to arrive. Goals are the specific steps you take along the way. It is crucial for goals to be in harmony with the direction.

A direction should be long term and in sync with the person you want to be. I often ask our children: “Are you satisfied with the direction you are going? Are you pleased with who you are becoming?” These questions relate to destination, not 3 or 5 year goals unless they are in line with where they want to be.

As a young man I had a clear sense of who I wanted to be even though I had no opportunities for college education, nor financial resources. I knew the gifts God gave me and developed a plan to set a direction which would allow me to operate within them. Scripture tells us Abraham set out “not knowing where he was going.” He didn’t have a map, but he had a Guide and set out. I, too, set out with a direction. I learned excellence in stretching others as I benefitted from those who believed in me.

The Puritans used the word “calling” as an expression of direction and vision. They believed it was each person’s contribution to the common good. Stretching others is my calling – my contribution.

Think carefully this week about: 1) What is my calling? 2) How clear am I on the direction I am taking? 3) When do I experience a strong sense of direction?

Words of Wisdom: “It is crucial for goals to be in harmony with direction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place he would later receive as an inheritance, and he went out without understanding where he was going.” (Hebrews 11:8 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2023

Fred highly valued concentration and focus. Many early morning breakfasts were scheduled by friends who wanted their “sons with potential” to meet with him. He listened, evaluated, and often decided the missing ingredient was intensity… no laser focus.

Life in Focus

The verse of Scripture which always comes to my mind about the focused life is: “This one thing I do, forgetting what is behind, I press forward.” One of the brightest men I ever met never amounted to much despite testing at genius level in 13 of 14 key measures. What was missing? He could never pick an area and develop it. He kept looking back at experiences, enjoyed the memories, and wandered into the future. He had too many options and failed to press forward.

Concentration is the power of life. The fireman knows to make sure the nozzle is screwed down. Otherwise he just has a flow of water. There is little force.

A lot of people do not focus because they are afraid of missing something, and they’re also afraid of being judged for having failed by making the wrong choice. One of the most talented baritones I ever knew was offered an opportunity to solo at the Metropolitan. He refused to focus, risking everything else to become truly great. Instead, he remained a fine talent but never achieved superiority.

The fear of being judged is always part of making a decision. A large number of people would rather be thought to be a person of potential, rather than attempt something, possibly failing, and losing the title of “highest potential in the pack.” Ironically, too many carry the idea of potential success more lightly than actually sacrificing to make it happen.

Growing up in the mill district in North Nashville I saw many with limited talents, and very limited opportunities who accomplished simply because they focused and concentrated. They found their uniqueness and held on to it like a junkyard dog with a bone. They had the “this one thing I do” spirit. I always think the welding torch is a fine illustration. You have to turn the flame down to a blue point before it will weld. Those who work with blue flame intensity accomplish.

I see people who believe working long hours is the secret. They think those hours means they are doing their job well. Intensity comes with you understand what are the important parts of your job. Some people spend as much time on inconsequential details as they do on the vital parts of their job. They certainly become hard workers, but not necessarily accomplishers because they miss the key elements.

Effective focus is achieved through proper prioritization, and intense attention.

This week think about: 1) How focused am I on the most important aspects of my work? 2) What does pressing forward look like for me right now? 3) When does fear get in the way of accomplishment?

Words of Wisdom: “A lot of people do not focus because they are afraid of missing something.”
(Note: Fred recognized FOMO way ahead of his time…)

Wisdom from the Words: “Pay careful attention to the condition of your flocks, set your mind on your herds.” (Proverbs 27:23 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – January 3, 2023

Fred’s reputation for humor extended past his use in speaking or consulting. He thought much about the principles of humor and analyzed its use in personal development. His writings on the subject help other speakers, but also add vitality to each reader’s life.

Laugh or Have High Blood Pressure

There’s no way to be truly mature without a well-developed sense of humor. It is the emotional escape valve. It is accepting the fallibility of man. I don’t remember meeting a humorless man who wasn’t also arrogant and a control freak.

Because I always see something funny in every mistake it has provided great relief for me. When we fail to laugh at ourselves in embarrassing situations shows a lack of maturity.

Of course, there are serious abuses of humor. For example, sarcasm, hurtful practical jokes, and hostile jokes. And we test the social edges – trying to see where the boundaries are. Stage comedians do this regularly, but also in ordinary social relationships this is a strategy to where the edge of acceptability is.

I have a pastor friend who has a personal measure: “Could I tell this from the pulpit?” Many businessmen throw out funny comments to see how the businesswomen react. They find out where the boundaries exist.

A friend of mine who uses humor to probe the intellectual depth of the audience. He is a scientist with four earned degrees and speaks regularly. He told me he developed three stories which he tells. By the reaction of the audience he can judge the intellectual capacity.

I am convinced the use of humor is a maturity/immaturity measurement tool. Those who use it well know how to develop an appreciation, much like art or music. Becoming discriminating and understanding the types of humor are key parts of this process.

For example, humor has a terrific communal aspect. A highly educated friend sent me a Mark Twain book. There were many passages which were lessons in sharing humor. I called to thank him and we began discussing the way we deepened our understanding of life’s funny bone. He told me of a friendship which included a weekly Sunday morning call. They didn’t discuss the news – they read the comic pages together.

I notice very few people will laugh heartily when alone, but when in a group and the very same story is shared, people will immediately start laughing out loud. Laugher is communal.

Another principle: keep you eyes and ears open for humor. I rarely go through a day in which I fail to see real life situations with a humorous element. This is a practiced habit. I look for the situations, written articles, and conversations. During a layover in the Chicago Ambassador Club I saw Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, the great public speaker. I walked up and he foisted a book into my hands. “Read this!” It was two pages of some of the funniest extemporaneous speaking I had ever read and it was 50 years old. Charlie was sharing something of value. Just as easily we could have fallen into, “What flight are you on? Where are you going? What group?” But instead of small talk, he made the time very valuable by just showing a great piece of humor.

This week think carefully about: 1) When was the last time I laughed out loud? 2) How effective am I in applying humor to relieve tension? 3) What can I do to sharpen my sense of humor?

Words of Wisdom: “Laughter is communal.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – December 13, 2022

Fred chose to live in the active tense, rarely in passive voice. He deliberately made decisions. “Going with the flow” was not spoken in his life’s vocabulary. What were key words and concepts? Responsibility, maturity, character, productivity, discipline, and “profitable to the Master” represented him.

Path To Maturity

“Fred, what are you really talking about when you say maturity?” An excellent question.

It is certainly not old age though most of us mistakenly expect to reach maturity and old age simultaneously. Look around: don’t you see many immature, selfish, irritable, and narrow-minded old folks? They have not matured with age, and no matter how long they live they will stay the same as they are right now… or slip into even deeper immaturity.

Maturity is a path we choose consciously and follow conscientiously.

The younger one sets out on the path, the more opportunity they have to achieve maturity. The real satisfaction in reaching greater levels, the greater the benefits. There will be fewer mistakes to correct; fewer hurt feelings to mend; and many more compounded returns from good decisions.

“Well, Fred, if maturity is not old age, then what is it?”

My best definition is a quiet center surrounded by life segments. As a schematic it looks like a sliced grapefruit. The key for me is that all areas of my life are related and grouped around the center. I adopted the quiet center from the Quaker philosopher Thomas Kelley who felt every life should have a place in our heart that is immune to being disturbed and all is well. When I first read I envied him this and made it my aim to acquire such an attitude.

For me it had to be a dynamic quiet center, not a passive one. The difference is vital. I think of quiet as stable, and well-positioned like the turning gyroscope in the airplane’s instrument panel from which the other instruments get their direction.

Christ has this dynamic quietness that could not be thrown off course. Yet He could retreat into the desert for a visit with His Father. When people think of quiet as the passive absence of noise or disturbance they aren’t thinking clearly. It is not that at all. I remember the prize-winning picture of a bird on her nest in the crevice of the cliff while the storm whirled around her. Her confidence was in her quietness – in knowing what she should be doing – and doing it. That is peace.

This week think about: 1) How would I describe maturity? 2) What plan do I have to actively pursue maturity? 3) Who demonstrates gracious, wise, and mature aging?

Words of Wisdom: “Maturity is a path we choose consciously and follow conscientiously.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NET Bible)