Mentor Search

Weekly Thought – March 10, 2026

Fred’s book, You and Your Network, influenced generations of leaders. Editors often chided Fred for his “packed to the gills” writing style, urging him to dilute the material. He was told his books could easily be stretched into two. He preferred stretching people, and not content. This was appreciated by his readers.

A comment from California reflects this: “The main thing that really keeps our attention with You and Your Network is that it cuts out all of the fat, boilerplate, and extra information most authors are so compelled to put into their books just for the weight of it.”

Mentor Search

Over the years I identified seven qualities I look for in a mentor:
1) Do they have wisdom from experience? Scripture says young men are for strength and old men are for wisdom. A mentor must understand the principles of life which I believe, comes from scripture.
2) Do they feel noncompetitive toward younger people? You need a mentor who can relax and say, “This person is a race horse and I am now just the trainer. He’s going to go to the winner’s circle and get the money. I will be happy just making a contribution to that.” Mentoring brings vicarious accomplishment.
3) Can they spot talent? In my first meeting with someone I look for that “unscratchable itch.” Good mentors can assess your current skills and take a good guess at your potential. A good mentor wants to contribute to accomplishment.
4) Is there chemistry between us? One way I check chemistry is to stop and say, “Please repeat to me what I just said.” Sometimes you heard the darndest things. If a person isn’t listening well, there probably won’t be a profitable chemistry.
5) Will they take the responsibility seriously? Does it have meaning to them? Does the relationship count? Can they feel hope? Are they willing to invest the time?
6) Are they willing and able to confront? Confrontation is surgical. If you’re afraid of blood, you should not be in the operating room. And if you primarily want people to like you, you’re not good at confrontation. But a good mentor pauses before confrontation to ask, “Am I saying this in love willing the ultimate good for the other?”
7) Do they ask good questions? My mentor, Maxey Jarman, told me, “Management is supposed to have the answers, but the board is supposed to have the questions.” Likewise, a good mentor should be able to ask good questions. The job of a mentor is to open a window – the right window. And then, point to the best path.

Think about these things: 1) Who is mentoring me? 2) Who am I mentoring? 3) What message do I have to communicate?

Words of Wisdom: “Mentoring brings vicarious accomplishment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12:12 NET Bible)

Commanding Communication

Weekly Thought – March 3, 2026

Fred studied communication throughout his life. He sat down in the 1980s and wrote our ten material elements of good speaking. Often, speakers and speakers-to-be visited with Fred for clarity on the process.

Thanks for including BWF in your prayer life. We seek to continue Fred’s work of stretching others while blessing them to the glory of God.

Commanding Communication

These didn’t come from Sinai, but from years of trial and error. Somebody asked me to outline the speaking process and this is my shot at it:
1) Be believable – The first step to being believable is to believe in your message. Then, your style, dress, speech patterns, vocabulary must be in agreement. Speaking with authority without talking down to the audience allows them to relax and believe in you.
2) Be audience oriented- have the attitude of the servant, never the master. There should always be gratitude for the opportunity to be there. And, importantly, speak to the audience about a subject, never about a subject to the audience.
3) Be personal – There should be a one-on-one relationship between the speaker and the audience. Good communication occurs when the speaker is not removed, or even worse, accusatory.
4) Be prepared – Speak out of the overflow of preparation. Have enough material that appropriate shifts can be made when needed. Be a well-spring of freshness, not a dry hole. Keep on reading, learning, studying before speaking.
5) Be enjoyable – Always give illustrations that allow the audience to take away the key points. Audiences respond to stories – but keep them to the point. Rabbit trails confuse the audience. Giving hope is your job as a communicator. Share good news.
6) Be human – You are not the Messiah, you are not inerrant, you have a message from one human to other humans. Use humor appropriately to move the message. Never use blue humor – it demeans the speaker and the audience.
7) Be empowered – Speak with a pure motive and a clean heart. You are the pipe, not the pump. Let the message flow through you.
8) Communicate to change behavior – Move the audience to take action, but never “work them.” Inscribe on your brain: my job is to motivate, not manipulate.
9) Pray before you speak – I prefer praying before to having the audience praying as I speak, “Help him, Lord; Help him!”
10) Leave them wanting more from you and about the subject. And never violate the time you’ve been given. If the program shortens your time, shorten your speech.

Bottom line: Speak to express, not impress. Communicate to bless.

This week think about: 1) How can I apply these points to my speaking? 2) Which one is most helpful right now? 3) What message do I have to communicate?

Words of Wisdom: “Speak to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For you were made rich in every way in him, in all your speech and in every kind of knowledge.” (1 Corinthians 1:5 NET Bible)

Uniquely You

Brenda’s Blog – February 24, 2026

World famous glass bathrooms” read the billboard luring travelers to stop in Sulphur Springs, TX. Personally, it raised more questions than interest. But it made me think about distinctives.

Companies work hard to distinguish themselves. Some do it by product design, others by advertising campaigns, and still others by pricing strategies. Businesses want positive name recognition.

A friend once worked for a CEO whose genius was creating bizarre morale builders. His head first dive into a pool of Jello fired up the sales force. Another thrilled the employees each day bounding into the international headquarters two steps at a time dressed in running shorts. Definitely distinctive – they chose to be recognized for their independent quirkiness.

While working as a recruiter for a large insurance company we used a personality test consisting simply of fifty descriptive words on two sides of one page. The only difference: one side said, “Check the words you would use to describe yourself.” The other side said, “Check the words others would use to describe you.” Surprising how many saw themselves one way and expected others to view them differently.

Peter Greer, speaker at a Catalyst meeting, talked about ways to enter into conversation without leading with “what do you do?” In his list of alternative opening questions, he included, “What one word would others use to describe you?”

What one word would you use to describe yourself? What is your distinctive? What differentiates you from the other hundreds of millions sharing this planet?

I want my word to reflect my purpose and mission. I want my word to identify my heart’s desires. I want my word to express my longing for a life that counts. My word? Connect. What’s yours?

Self-Improvement: A Way of Life

Weekly Thought – February 24, 2026

Fred believed in self-analysis, but not navel-gazing. He created templates for measurement. “I miss Fred,” wrote a BWF follower. “I often think, ‘what would Fred think about this?’” Interestingly, most people say, “How would Fred think, not what would Fred do?”

Self-Improvement: A Way of Life

When considering the possibilities of success, I measure myself in several categories:

1) Likes. What would I do if I didn’t need a paycheck?

2) Dislikes. What ideas, methods, people, and things do I dislike?

3) Reaction of others. Are people receptive to you and your goals? When you join a new group, how do the others react to your ideas?

4) Personality traits. It is critical to understand how you are wired. Are you quiet or talkative, big picture or detailed, interested in individuals or the big group, quick to make decisions or more contemplative? Find your constructive strengths and your destructive weaknesses – focus on one and bolster the other;

5) Mental capabilities. If you want to be a big frog in a big pond, you better be able to croak as loudly as the other frogs. Mental energy provides the fuel. Is your mind constantly active? Are you a constant learner? Have you continued studying since formal education ended?

6) Physical abilities. Some goals have a high physical price tag. How prepared are you to undertake such a task? Few people can go farther than their health will permit. A goal that costs physical or emotional health is foolish.

7) Patience. Sound progress is most always slow; therefore, patience is required. Gladstone said the key requirement of a great prime minister is patience – the second is patience, and the third is patience. How able are you to postpone gratification for the accomplishment of a greater goal?

8) Determination. In my opinion, this is the element which sets those who achieve goals and those who don’t. How many jobs have you started and left unfinished? The determined know there is always a way around obstacles.

9) Vision. This doesn’t mean just having a dream. Seeing others achieve seemingly impossible goals gives a pattern for personal accomplishment. Vision invigorates the work ethic; daydreaming just energizes the wish ethic. Vision means seeing and doing.

10) Character. the foundation of all success which consists of integrity, self-control, perseverance, and truth. And, I believe a proper spiritual outlook is the cement which holds a true, happy, and successful life together.

This week think about: 1) When did I last evaluate my goals using Fred’s 10 categories? 2) What does my life say to my family and my associates about character? 3) How real are my expectations?

Words of Wisdom: “Vision invigorates the work ethic: daydreaming energizes the wish ethic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “May he grant your heart’s desire; may he bring all your plans to pass! “ (Psalm 20:4 NET Bible)

Straight Talk On Money

Weekly Thought – February 17, 2026

Fred “held court” on Saturdays during his last years. Chairs set up around his hospital bed held young and old who came for their weekly shot of Fredisms. But his influence continues through his writings and the lives he touched who now touch others. A bright, energetic businesswoman remarked last week, “I wish I had made the effort to spend time with Fred, but I am now learning through the website and the weekly thoughts.” Good to see the ripples still spilling out across the water.

Straight Talk On Money

Someday I am going to write a book about money. Eventually most people who come to sit and talk ask me about it. I put down some bullet points about common sense money management. We will flesh them out at another time, but I hope these can be helpful.

1. Money is compatible with happiness if we recognize: a) money is a great servant, but a lousy master; money is means, and never an end; b) golden chains can enslave our families, our employees, and even our friends; money-motivated manipulation is wrong; c) money can be a terrible tyrant – we need to see when too much is too much; d) what we own is not who we are – money should never define us.
2. There is a four way test for money management: a) Do I understand the proper use? b) Can it be gratefully enjoyed? c) Will it be enthusiastically shared? d) What is my capacity for generous giving?
3. Common sense rules for solvency: a) tell yourself the truth; b) live within your income; c) escape the plastic plaque; d) outwit emergencies; e) pay no interest on depreciating assets; e) always put luxuries last
4. Observe these caution signs: a) high return = high risk; b) when you feel greed, STOP; c) if you are ignorant of the what, then know the who; d) stop a loss and continue a gain; e) beware of holy hunches, visions, and coincidences.
5. When loss occurs take the road to recovery: a) stay busy doing the right things; b) organize for plans dispel confusion; c) recognize you can live with the facts; d) never lose the good of a bad situation; e) be redemptive and transform, but don’t conform; f) God is there in the trouble…He is there to be found.

This week think about: 1) What role does money play in my thinking and planning? 2) How do I best use money? 3) When has money become a tyrant?

Words of Wisdom: “Money is a great servant and a lousy master.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who loves money will never be satisfied with money; he who loves wealth will never be satisfied with his income.This also is futile.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10 NET Bible)

Move To Do

Weekly Thought – February 10, 2026

Fred took serious questions seriously. A young executive wrote Fred asking, “Can I really be a Christian and succeed in business?” Fred answered with a 39 page, typed letter. Wouldn’t it be interesting to know what decisions this young man made in the 36 years since he sought Fred’s counsel?

Ron Glosser’s book, The Genealogy of Friendship, explores a lifetime of stretching experiences. His chapter on Fred shares insights and personal stories.

Move To Do

Make results your measure for activity. A friend hung these words prominently on his office wall: “Results is the only excuse for activity.” It sounds obvious, but surprisingly few people are really results oriented. Most are satisfied with activity and best effort. They forget there are no medals for “best effort.”

Results count, not activity.

The best way to stay results oriented is to keep asking “What am I really trying to accomplish?” Those who tell you how hard they work, how many miles they travel, how tough the job is, and expect appreciation for activity alone are not results oriented.

One of my more caustic friends listened to a young executive go on and on about how hard the job was and how tired he was. My friend interrupted, “Please show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.” I immediately adopted this phrase. Activity and effort are necessary, but rewards are awarded for results.

As a young man at General Shoe Corporation, I was given the task of creating a summary for the military manning table. (This was during the Second World War). I accepted this assignment from the President with great fervor, staying up nights, creating a magnificent chart with hand-lettered categories, and neatly drawn boxes. I could hardly wait to dramatically present my blood, sweat, and tears to Maxey Jarman. Did he applaud me? No, he took one look, and drew a big red line from one corner to the other, making a giant X. “Mr. Jarman, I was up til three AM working on that!” To that he answered, “I’m sorry to hear you say that because I really believe you could have done a lot better in a lot less time.”

Many today would use that as a case study for poor employer/employee relations. But I always felt he taught me more graphically to think of results over effort better than any other experience in my life.

To this day I still begin each day asking myself, “What are you really trying to do today?” And I remind myself that results are the only excuse for activity.

This week consider: 1) How do I keep focused on results? 2) Who models this for me? 3) Where can I apply this right away?

Words of Wisdom: “Activity and effort are necessary, but rewards are awarded for results.”

Wisdom from the Word: “In the same way, the promise that I make does not return to me, having accomplished nothing.No, it is realized as I desire and is fulfilled as I intend.” (Isaiah 55:11 NET Bible)

Hello, World

Brenda’s Blog – February 10, 2026

“I didn’t think there was anything outside of Longview, Hallsville, and Marshall. Then I went to China.” The student told of his overseas study adventure as part of the chapel service. His naturally worn cowboy attire told me he was indeed a native Texan. The first sentence stayed with me. What is opening my world right now? What amazes me and creates a sense of awe?

I thought of another young man from Appalachian America who left home for the first time to spend a semester at Disney World. He returned to Kentucky with a deeper appreciation for his strong roots and his unfurled wings.

In college my parents bought a ticket for a friend to accompany me to North Carolina. It was her first plane trip. Her emotional response as we crossed the country touched me. That trip began a lifetime of discovery for her.

We go to Christian colleges and universities to “stretch and bless the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” We leave stretched and blessed. Their world is full of hope and promise. Their world is unhindered by geographical boundaries. Their energy for change is contagious.

Reduced options are one of the symptoms of aging. Our worlds get smaller; our walls grow higher; our healthy restlessness diminishes. I may never challenge the Great Wall of China again but new roads lie ahead. I am not ready to call it quits. I am still eager to wake up each morning with, “Hello, world, where are we going today?”

Incivility to Civility

Weekly Thought – February 3, 2026

Fred often counseled distressed couples: “Even when you can’t feel like you are in love, you can treat each other with civility.” He was a fan of Scott Peck’s writings. One of his favorites was A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered. Fred grew up without material sophistication, but was rich in graciousness.

Incivility to Civility

Scott Peck says, “Our illness is incivility, the morally destructive patterns of self-absorption, callousness, manipulativeness, and materialism.” For some time I have studied the emotions of incivility. Here are four that are eroding our civilization:

1) Anger – You can randomly ask any American, “What are you mad about?” and get a quick response. There’s a depth of ire in our society. Unfortunately, I think a great deal of it is being fostered by the demagogues of special interest. Sadly, much of it is the result of spiritual malnutrition. Anger is eating us up, from the inside out. It is the “sweet wine of poison.”
2) Aggression – I don’t mean competition. I like to use the definition from Dr. Will Menninger: “The willingness or even the desire to hurt someone.” I hear aggression dismissed as a response to stress. No, stress results from aggression. We see it on the road everyday. We even see it in the grocery. Mary Alice and I were in the grocery last week and I watched sweet, elderly ladies turn into Rambo creatures driving carts like military tanks.
3) Discourtesy – We are generally courteous to our friends. We treat strangers and too often, our family, with discourtesy. How does this square with the scripture’s admonition to offer hospitality to strangers? Discourtesy in our families doesn’t make sense, but it is very prevalent. I don’t buy that adage, “You hurt the ones you love.” Baloney!

When George Washington was fourteen he made a list of 110 items which denoted a civil life. Here are “Fred’s Four” which, when used regularly, take us a long way. These four help the gears mesh without the scraping sounds of incivility.

1. “Please” – Have you noticed when you use this simple word your phrase changes from command to request?
2. “Excuse me” – We are quick to transfer fault to someone else. When we genuinely accept responsibility, we lubricate our social interactions.
3. “Thank you” – Have you ever heard someone truly and authentically express appreciation? It gives me a warm feeling and makes me want to pass it on. It’s a verbal bridge between individuals.
4. “After you” – Billy Graham and I spent a few days together. I mentioned how he deferred to me at each doorway. He was surprised and when we talked about graciousness, he attributed this trait to his father. Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.

This week think about: 1) What am I mad about right now? 2) Is the “after you” attitude part of my mindset? 3) What can I do to promote civility in my family this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!” (Psalm 37:8 NET Bible)

Lead On

Brenda’s Blog – January 27, 2026

“God loves us. God is not a meanie. I am not afraid. Say it Mommy, ‘I am not afraid.’” These words were spoken by a 3 year old girl dying of brain cancer. Leadership is not age sensitive. No degrees, no certifications, no titles, no powerful positions – just qualities that cause others to follow.

Phoebe Fair led all of us during her 21 months of illness. Why? She had vision; she had passion; she had direction. She understood her mission, and stayed the course.

Most of us will not be asked to travel Phoebe’s path, but each of us is asked to be faithful to our calling. Leading a corporation, a Christian organization, a family unit, or a campus ministry… all share the same common elements: defining reality, setting the vision, understanding constructive strengths and destructive weaknesses, capturing the loyalty of others to the vision, effective communication of direction, and the ability to move the group forward.

How could a 4 year old do this? During her lifetime she received thousands of personal messages weekly, had 75,000 followers of her Facebook page, filled the sanctuary of a major church for her service, and continues to touch lives worldwide. How could that not be leadership? Her life was her mission; her love for Jesus was her passion; her eagerness to encourage others was her uniqueness.

Never underestimate your LQ – leadership quotient. You don’t need position, power, and prominence… you simply need to influence and move others to action. Lead on!

The Gift of Giving

Weekly Thought – January 27, 2026

Fred influenced men and women of many generations. His wisdom appealed to young and old. Often he provided a fatherly (and even grandfatherly) ear. He was always interested, but never curious. He carried countless confidences with him to heaven.

The Gift of Giving

It’s very easy to make people believe God needs our gift. But this is “stinking thinking,” as my friend Zig Ziglar says. God is sovereign, He doesn’t really need our money. But, we need to give in order to mature spiritually. Many of us are spiritually dwarfed by our refusal to give because our money is where our ego is located. Giving is the drain plug for our greed.

A very wealthy man was approached by a large community charity for a donation. He said, “Well, I’ve had my wealth for only a short time. Why don’t you let the old money give and let me keep mine for awhile and get used to it?”

A lot of people mask their greed by saying, “I’ll give later.” One of my friends delayed giving because he said his investment strategy was multiplying the money so fast the Lord couldn’t put it anywhere and do better, so it was good stewardship to keep it. And he planned to eventually give it. This financial giant was sadly a spiritual pygmy.

Discernment and a sense of humor are both required for effective giving. I was once solicited by a Christian organization which told me God would be so pleased with me for giving to them, He would return my gift tenfold. I had a hard time not sending them the letter I wrote telling them their offer was such a good deal they should send me a gift and then they could keep God’s ten time multiple….it seemed like a much better use of their money.

As Christians, we need to help each other develop a fear of the love of money – a fear of the power of money, not a fear of money. We need to encourage each to see giving as part of growth and not just a duty to be completed with gritted teeth or avoided altogether.

This week think about: 1) What motivates me to give? 2) How can I continue to grow in my giving? 3) How am I teaching others to give?

Words of Wisdom : “Giving is the drain plug for our greed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And as you Philippians know, at the beginning of my gospel ministry, when I left Macedonia, no church shared with me in this matter of giving and receiving except you alone.” (Philippians 4: 15 NET Bible)

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