Decisive Actions

Weekly Thought – September 21, 2021

Fred traveled heavily in his consulting and speaking work. Early on he attained lifetime status with American Airlines. He met interesting people and exercised his great skill of question asking. This week’s thought recalls a funny experience during the 1960s on one of those cross-country flights.

Decisive Actions

Decisiveness is a quality of effective executives, but it is indeed a rare trait. Everyone likes to say, “Oh, yes, I am decisive.” Very few really are. They wait until they are forced into a decision or until the decision is made for them.

Lately I’ve been accumulating clever ways people avoid making a decision. And there is no dearth of material. One of the worst offenders is the executive who talks five minutes on both sides of the question and then emphatically announces, “That is what I think.” Oh, no, there is one worse – the fellow who sits next to the him and says, “I agree with Bob.”

Actually, decisiveness is a matter of the will. I think I will illustrate it with a true story.

I was spending a few days with Mobil Oil (one of my consulting clients) on the west coast. Wanting to get home I took the red eye American flight to Chicago and then on to Cincinnati. When I got to the check-in I realized the flight was full. As we loaded people kept coming on the plane until every seat was taken except for the one next to me.

Just before the door closed a 6’3” mountain of a man with big, broad shoulders and a flat stomach came running on the plane and sat down next to me. He shouldn’t have done that. Why should he make me uncomfortable all the way to Chicago as I sat there with my 225 pounds of solid blubber? It was Charlton Heston, the actor.

“Mr. Heston, you are in wonderful physical shape.” “I have to be in my business.” I replied, “I wish I could be, too, but I have to work.” “Well, I have to work but I can stay in this shape on 17 minutes a day.”

He had no right to say that. That was not sociable. I have 17 minutes a day. He should have talked about days under professional training.

For 30 minutes I sat and stewed in my own fat. Then I said, “Mr. Heston, I travel a lot.” “I do, too.” “How do you exercise when you are on the road?” “It’s very simple. I go into the hotel room, sit on the luggage rack, put my toes under the bed, and do back bends.” “What do you do about your shoulders?” “Oh, that is easy. I roll under the bed and push the bed up and down in the air.”

Now what is the difference between Heston and Smith? You recognize it all too quickly. A recent survey discovered the definable difference between successful and unsuccessful people: the unsuccessful say “I should – I ought to- I plan to – I’m going to” but never get around to it. The successful say, “I will.” They make the decision and take action. They do it.

This week carefully consider: 1) As I read Fred’s story, where do I need to make a decision? 2)What is holding me back? 3) Who models decisiveness in my work life, community, and family?

Words of Wisdom: “Decisiveness is a matter of the will.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So give your servant a discerning mind so he can make judicial decisions for your people and distinguish right from wrong. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” ( 1 Kings 3:9 NET Bible)

Right Thinking

Weekly Thought – September 7, 2021

Fred regarded emotional control and civility highly. He valued maturity in society. As an analytical, he considered the strategies for right thinking a necessary element for all leaders.

Right Thinking

Our society has become so obsessed with winning that we have exchanged honest competition for a philosophy of life – making winning synonymous with winning and losing the effective definition of wrong. In the “win at all costs” culture everyone is an adversary. In such a situation I rarely see civility as the standard. The outcome of perpetual contest is that we stand alone and alienated. Incivility lives itself out as a disease of separation.

Our conversational styles are caught up by this philosophy. “In your face” is currently acceptable, but certainly has no Biblical foundation. The phrases “Just Do It” and “Outta My Way” create a language of incivility resulting in thoughts and actions of rudeness.

Controlling our attitudes and establishing respect for others requires discipline and a system. In my long study of emotions I developed a formula that I will share with you. Experiment and see if it will help you as it has helped me. “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.” By this I mean, first the thought comes into our mind and if we keep it long enough to give it validity it drops down into our heart and creates a mood. After this, the mood rationalizes the action. For example, when we harbor anger as a thought, it turns into a mood, and then plays out as a hostile action.

How do we work the formula for a successful outcome? We start by keeping the destructive thought out of our hearts.

Thoughts which aren’t given credibility or space will be fleeting. But if we dwell on it and give it the power to create a mood, we have taken a step toward action. Thoughts and actions are linked. “As a man thinks, so is he.”

I am not suggesting we have the ability to clear our minds of all thoughts, I know that just isn’t so. The important thing is to substitute another, healthier thought in its place. My Mother used to warn us that “idle minds were the devil’s workshop.” Even in scripture we are told in our thinking to consider truth, nobility, rightness, purity, loveliness, admirableness, and praiseworthiness.

If our goal is civility, then our mental discipline must be starting with civil thoughts. If we want to live nobly, then ignoble thoughts must be discarded. We must work to reprogram our minds, replacing the bad with the good. Emotional, mental, control will help us create social civility. Understanding the process of guarding the mind and heart allows us to take control of our actions which is the foundation of a civil society.

This week think about: 1) When do I most struggle with allowing unhealthy thoughts to grab hold? 2) How am I establishing mental disciplines to protect my thought life? 3) Which are my most productive moods?

Words of Wisdom: “First the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now immediately, when Jesus realized in his spirit that they were contemplating such thoughts, he said to them, ‘Why are you thinking such things in your hearts?’” (Mark 2:8 NET Bible)

Creating Favorable Attention

Weekly Thought – August 31, 2021

Fred loved stimulating conversation. He developed the skill of cultivating interesting people. He, also, knew how to nurture these abilities in others. Ever a teacher, he thought analytically forming ideas in such a way they could be easy communicated and used.

Creating Favorable Attention

Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships. Discourteous interruption, yawns, inappropriate dressing, or excessive exaggeration create attention – the wrong kind.

Bill Russell, the great basketball player and coach, said the first thing a player in his first All-Pro game thinks about is avoiding making a humiliating mistake. He said it is important to get into the game, and get comfortable before going for the big play. This principle works in social and business situations.

Unfortunately, our media-hyped culture has developed the concept that all attention is good – “just spell my name right!” Very few of us can afford press agents, so it is up to us to make sure our coverage is favorable. Careers can hinge on a minor faux pas and major gaffes.

Think about conversations… sometimes we are so eager to get into the conversation we come in clumsily on our left foot. Knowing this about ourselves, we should program ourselves for quietness, depending on attentive listening until we become comfortable and sense the rhythm of the conversation. A talented middle management person I know will probably never move to the top simply because the first two minutes of almost conversation is ruined. The social insecurity negates the professional expertise. Upon introduction, sarcasm and sassy remarks becomes the tools of choice… bad choice. Quiet followed by constructive remarks would change the entire perception. Simply rehearsing ways of entering conversations could make a tremendous difference in career advancement.

Competitive – or worse, combative – remarks in the beginning of a conversation (particularly with strangers or mere acquaintances) reminds me of the movie cowboy who pushes open the saloon doors shouting, “I can whip any man here!”

Self-deprecation is not the answer. The person whose insecurity drives them to dispel nervousness through self-effacement. This always creates a negative impression. Accepting compliments is an important skill to develop. A gracious woman accepted a compliment on her attire demonstrating her skill. “Thank you so much. I’ll remember your compliment every time I wear this dress.” She accepted praise by making it about the other person. In accepting she received favorable attention.

Poise demonstrates control. Gaining favorable attention means managing any habits that result in unfavorable attention. Spending time assessing and asking close friends to give feedback can allow personal development which makes a significant difference in the way we are perceived and received. And then practice makes perfect.

This week think carefully about: 1) How aware am I of habits that create negative attention? 2) Who could give me honest, helpful feedback? 3) What process do I have in place (or need) to promote favorable attention?

Words of Wisdom: “Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” (Proverbs 13:3 NET Bible)

Conversational Simplicity

Weekly Thought – August 24, 2021

Fred appreciated Albert Einstein. One of his favorite Einstein quotes inspired his own thinking: “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.” He avoided conversation filled with fluff and flattery.

Beginning next week we will begin adding content from the thousands of 3×5 cards Fred kept as a personal resource from his own thoughts, as well as quotes from others. We are working to create a permanent archive for these cards and their profound wisdom. Would you pray for us as we dive into this very deep pool? Thank you.

Conversational Simplicity

Mary Alice in a very untypical choice became interested in an old black and white western movie. The main characters were a thirtyish, soft-spoken farmer’s wife; the farmer; and a toddler baby boy. The wife died leaving the man to raise the boy. As she lay dying he shared his dream of building her a house with a porch and rocking chairs under the hackberry tree.

When the wife died the husband with singleness of purpose dedicated himself to raising the son. The commitments he made required very little conversation. They were total, simple, direct, and all-consuming.

Commitment is a large part of the simple life. Paul said, “this one thing I do.” Modern man says, “these many things I will try.” They rarely settle on any one thing as being completely worthy of a focused life.

The simple farmer felt that living out a simple life, fulfilling his responsibilities, and not asking too much was all the reward that life offered him. There is great dignity in this. Advertising in all its forms creates discontent, shouting at us about what we do not have and what we should be getting. Few people in our culture would sit under a hackberry tree after a hard day’s work. True essence is elegant by its nature and doesn’t need additional external trappings.

The farmer spoke to his baby boy, “I’ll raise you good if it takes every breath in my body.” Simple elegance.

This simplicity was part of the man. In this film his conversation was never more than two or three words. That certainly made it easier on the script writer!

The farmer said things simply, not feeling that he had to justify or rationalize or make himself look good by his conversation. Much of urban conversation is impressing, justifying, embellishing, and talking for effect. When men and women come to me for counsel on public speaking I tell them one of the very first rules is: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

The truth simply spoken is a brilliant jewel in an elegant Tiffany mounting… understated yet always appropriate.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I monitor my conversational motivations? 2) What do I do when I recognize I am trying to impress, not just express? 3) Who models clear, simple conversation?

Words of Wisdom: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6 NIV Bible)

The Permanent Parent

Weekly Thought – August 10, 2021

Fred was the third of five sons, raised by Mathew Bunyan Smith and Amye Anderson Smith. His father was a Southern Baptist pastor while his wife provided support and encouragement for the family. His father’s example of Christian love to the impoverished during the great depression taught Fred of God’s faithfulness. His Mother taught lifelong lessons of steadfastness, faithfulness, and purpose.

The archiving of Fred’s thousands of 3×5 cards with “observations and insights” has begun. They fit nicely between the “Fred Saids” which are his one-liners, and the Weekly Thoughts which expand into several paragraphs. They will be scanned and formatted. Please pray for the project as it progresses.

The Permanent Parent

Our heavenly Father is permanent… we are bonded. At the baptism of Jesus God said, “This is my Son whom I love, with Him I am well pleased.” We have a fixed relationship with a God who loves us unconditionally. Scripture says “no one can take them out of my hand.” We don’t have to keep winning His acceptance; the relationship is based on the fact of His nature.

Many fathers simply cannot accept this perfect bonding of unconditional acceptance in their own lives and consequently cannot model this relationship for their children.

A woman told me of struggling with her father even though he was dead. She felt she could never gain his acceptance or approval. She gave me the example of coming home as a young girl with a report card filled with all A grades. Her father’s response was “Don’t they give A pluses at that school?” He may have been facetious, but the wound cut deeply and has not healed yet. She struggles to see God as a loving Father.

There is intimacy in the perfect relationship. I have found that it cannot be planned or scheduled. It cannot be a task assigned as an A priority in our Daytimer. Intimate conversation has to come about naturally. All we can do is give it the opportunity, honesty, and openness to appreciate it when it does occur. Confidence in the permanence of the relationship, whether heavenly or human, creates a platform for intimacy. When we are secure in the enduring quality of God’s love, we have the freedom to emotionally open up to others in our lives. God’s everlasting love for us teaches us to the way to establish intimacy with our own children.

To me, the perfect human relationship is based on mutual respect. I believe in becoming each other’s teacher and mentor. I now recognize that our children are able to teach me just as much as I am able to teach them – and sometimes more. This lesson of mutual mentoring is taught through shared lives, trusting experiences, and lifelong work. The children occasionally thank me for learning about parenting. “You have done a pretty good job of re-parenting, Dad.”

As God parents me and I work to understand the principles and patterns I am working to apply them to human relationships, especially with the children. God is a good teacher who models what my parenting should be – and what I want it to be.

This week think carefully about: 1) Who models parenthood for me? 2) How convinced am I of God’s love for me? 3) What lessons am I teaching my children about God’s fatherhood?

Words of Wisdom: “When we are secure in the enduring quality of God’s love, we have the freedom to emotionally open up to others in our lives.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father.” (Proverbs 29:3a NET Bible)

Living A Life That Matters

Weekly Thought – August 3, 2021

Fred’s commitment to “a life worth living” never waned. Even in his last hours he struggled to speak wisdom to those who came to say goodbye. Identifying his “uniqueness” as he called it, and maximizing its use for indeed a lifetime endeavor. He died as he lived – with purpose and faith.

Please pray for our friends in Christian higher education. Challenges are great, but their resolve is even greater. We would encourage you to join those who pray monthly for them as participants in our Breakfast With Fred Prayer Network.

Living A Life That Matters

A life worth living is available, but it must be earned. You must earnestly and honestly want it. Emerson said, “Be careful young man what you want, for you will have it.” He spoke of the thing you want from deep down in your heart – the lodestar, the thing that is the magnet to which you are drawn. Many people I see really don’t want the life they’ve got; they want something else, but they haven’t been willing to endure the pain of defining what they want.

One of the most telling truths of Christ’s ministry was at the pool of Bethsaida when he asked the man who had been there for 38 years: “Do you really want to be healed?” I used to think that was a very foolish question, but the longer I live with people, the more I need to know what they honestly want.

When a young executive comes to one of my friends in senior management and says he is unable to complete an assignment he asks,” Is this something you can’t or won’t do?” Then he goes on to say, “If you can’t do it, I can help you. If you won’t do it, nobody can help you.” So much time is wasted by people trying to help others who don’t want to be helped. I am not in the business of building a 95% bridge.

There are two questions I want to ask of those who want my help in achieving a life worth living:

1) What have you done to help yourself? The other evening I visited with a middle-aged man who looked like a comer when he was young. I’ve been surprised that he has not really made a success of his life. He left a large corporation he joined directly from college. He was a bright and promising young rising star. I began to understand it when we talked about the disciplines necessary to pull ourselves out of emotional slumps. He said, “Sometimes I just like being down there and I don’t want anybody to pull me out until I have completely enjoyed the funk.” I saw he had developed a negative narcissism that a successful executive simply cannot afford.

2) Where have I been willing to ask for help? There are times when we cannot do it alone. We need someone else to help and we must ask for that assistance. Of course, there are times when only Go can provide the help. In either case, we must be humble enough to reach out and say, “Please help.” False pride will extinguish the fire of a meaningful life.

The life you have is the result of your choices. If you want a different life you must make different choices. A life worth living is a life worth wanting.

This week carefully consider: 1) How satisfied am I with my life? 2) What choices have set me in this direction? 3) Who can help me assess my current condition?

Words of Wisdom: “I am not in the business of building a 95% bridge.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But tell the people of Jerusalem that the LORD says, ‘I will give you a choice between two courses of action. One will result in life; the other will result in death.’” (Jeremiah 21:8 NET Bible)

Lifestyle Mentoring

Weekly Thought – July 27, 2021

Fred saw himself as an “inveterate note taker. “Rarely do I hear, read, or even think anything that I feel deserves retention that I don’t commit to paper. I’ve been doing this for sixty years.” This became a common practice with those he mentored, as well. In his last days dear friend Bill Glass appeared in the ICU waiting room with a notebook and pen. “I still have questions for Fred and I want to make sure I get the answers right.”

Lifestyle Mentoring

One form of mentoring defines the principles of living. Recently, I hear a young man say, “My grandfather was everything to me. He loved me, and he taught me how to live.” How fortunate to have an older person in one’s life about whom you can say that.

As we look to scripture for examples of lifestyle mentoring we automatically think of Paul and Timothy. Paul let Timothy observe him at work. He didn’t try to teach Timothy mechanics of missionary work. He was a father in the faith… a type of parent without the parental responsibilities.

For years Zig Ziglar and I have regularly met to talk. When we sit down he gets out his paper and pen even though his memory for material is greater than mine. In discussing mentoring he said, “Be sure to tell the person being mentored to make notes. No one should trust his memory with anything important.”

A good mentor never ridicules a question. He may choose not to answer, but he respects the process because questions are the pump that makes the answers flow.

I have sought over my lifetime (which is approaching 90) to distill life into principles. Some are eternal, and therefore always current. I form a mental filing cabinet for all information that passes through my experience. Some items interest me – others do not. So, there are some empty file folders in my cabinet for topics of no interest to me. I was blessed with excellent recall, but I work on it consistently.

Lifestyle mentoring is “coming alongside” in the day by day, developing by observing, asking, absorbing, and putting information into a helpful form.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who is my lifestyle mentor? 2) How effective am I at note taking? 3) What am I learning that will be valuable to younger ones?

Words of Wisdom: “Rarely do I hear, read, or even think anything that I feel deserves retention that I don’t commit to paper. I’ve been doing this for sixty years.”

Wisdom from the Word: “To Timothy, my genuine child in the faith.” (1 Timothy 1:2 NET Bible)

Life Lessons

Weekly Thought – July 20, 2021

Fred once said, “I have spent my life asking questions. I always work to find the key question.” He knew as does Bob Tiede, premier expert on questioning, it is both an art and a science. This week we will look at two Fred asked himself as part of assessment.

Life Lessons

Personal and professional development requires the asking of questions… of others and myself. Here are two which have meant a lot to me.

1) Does my will control my feelings? Integrity is more a matter of the will than of feelings. Without the healthy use of feelings we become mechanical. We are unable to connect with others without empathy or compassion. They energize us. They make great implementers, but poor leaders. Our will is the single most distinguishing feature of our character. A strong will does not blind us to the importance of emotion. It does, however, stand against the tendency toward rationalization that attacks us.

I was fortunate to have a Mother with an indomitable will. Despite many physical disabilities she persevered often quoting “Be not weary in well doing, for in due season you shall reap if you faint not.” Her grit and Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” inspired Mary Alice and me to make our family motto: “When nothing but the will says go.”

Leadership demands a strong will – not a selfish or stubborn one, but one determined to do what needs doing. By an act of the will we overcome the draw of pleasure and the satisfaction with mediocrity.

2) Is grace real for me? Grace was genuine, real, personal, and palpable to the great saints. The ancient Christian mystics had no doubt they were the constant recipients of Go’s amazing grace. It was a practical part of their everyday life. For example, Brother Lawrence said when he sinned he confessed it, and moved on without spending time bemoaning it. He knew without the power of God failure is natural. Reading that greatly stirred my thinking. Prior to that I lingered over guilt. Immediate grace was too good to be true, I thought. Brother Lawrence’s thinking released me.

Legalism appeals to many Christians; it fits into a common sense approach to faith. We must remind ourselves the very Scripture that lets me know my guilt lets me know God’s grace. By refusing grace we play God, choosing to punish ourselves. We develop a perverted way of interpreting events in our lives arbitrarily choosing to tag some as God’s discipline and judgment.

Grace brings freedom. If we could only freely accept it we could practice confession and continuing to walk in faith. Why can’t I see the free gift it is and how available it is? In my experience those who value grace most dearly are those who have experienced it most deeply in their lives. It reminds me of the scripture, “He who is forgiven most, loves most.” He or she who understands the release from the bondage of sin through Christ, revel in the gift of grace.

This week think carefully about: 1) How would I answer Fred’s questions? 2) When have I chosen to keep going whether I felt like it or not? 3) What questions are key in my personal assessments?

Words of Wisdom: “By an act of the will we overcome the draw of pleasure and the satisfaction with mediocrity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “So we must not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NET Bible)

Lessons From The Beach

Weekly Thought – July 13, 2021

Fred and Mary Alice loved their time in the mountains of North Carolina. They also enjoyed the years they had a condo on Mustang Island in South Texas. In typical Fred fashion, he analyzed what he learned after a visit to the beach one Spring.

Lessons From The Beach

I was on Mustang Island during Spring Break a few years ago. Have you ever been sober among drunks – old among the young – an outsider among the insiders? If so, then you know exactly how I felt.

It seemed the kids wanted three things:

1) Fun. It must have always been somewhere else because they were always frantically looking for it. Their laughter was hollow. They were loud, profane, and destructive. Early each morning the entire area was littered with trash. And fun was not only a phantom – it was expensive. They appeared to revel in one-upsmanship. After awhile I got the feeling parents had actually funded this adventure just to get them out of the house. And I couldn’t blame them – spring break was totally hedonistic.

2) Irresponsibility. Three words describe their state: drunk, nude, and drugged. It appeared acceptable for a guy to walk around without clothing, but it was mandatory to have a beer can in his hand to be considered well-dressed. Urging young women to “get naked” was the theme. I don’t have enough experience with drugs to speak authoritatively, but many of them seemed what I think is called “spaced out.”

3) Anonymity. They maintained their anonymity by staying en masse. By traveling with the group (especially the in group) they blend in and feel a part of the action. Bad decisions are easily made in such an environment – decisions which leave lifelong scars and permanent consequences. Yet I thought about how many adults strive and fight very hard to be in with the group. Being totally in results in total anonymity. Our unique identification is lost.

I asked one of the young women who seemed to be rather thoughtful and interested in conversation how she felt after the binge. “It isn’t as good as I expected and I guess I feel frustrated.” So often we all have the anticipation without the satisfaction. We think the party will be great, but it isn’t; we try for the big title and the big money but then we feel hollow. Without a spiritual base too much of life is that – anticipation without satisfaction. Scripture calls it “clouds without rain.”

A theologian friend of mine told me “Fred, sin is like the midway at the State Fair — the ride is short and the price is high.” The danger of these weeks is not so much the four day binge, but the danger that people think sin is an appetite that can be satiated. For some of my friends it is greed for power, money, or material possessions. It is a consuming fire which does not know “enough.”

This week think about: 1) How am I still bringing a spring break mentality into my adult life? 2) What changes do I need to make in my priorities? 3) Who is being impacted by my goals?

Words of Wisdom: “Without a spiritual base too much of life is that – anticipation without satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I realized that wisdom is preferable to folly, just as light is preferable to darkness.” (Ecclesiastes 2:13 NET Bible)

Fatherly wisdom

Weekly Thought – June 29, 2021

Fred rarely sat down and said to his children, “Listen up, I am going to give you wise words.” On occasion he did sit down at his old Selectric typewriter, masterfully using the two finger “hunt and peck system.” This week’s thought is unusual, personal, and brief. Found after Father’s Day his daughter Brenda shared a memo sent in April, 1992. As always, the truths are timely and timeless.

Fatherly wisdom

To Brenda

Today you took another step in the same direction, not a new road. You are on your way to develop marketable career skills and relations. Increased income and/or company promotion is important, but not controlling. Progress, not winning/losing is your emphasis.

Your continued strengths are your integrity, learnability, relations, knowledge, and superior effort. Keep networking and upward as much as possible. Power is a necessity for action. A small vital effective fish will be put into a larger lake. I like to look out of place where I am and like I belong in a larger one. Be the kind of person others want to help succeed. Keep your contact in good repair – neglected contacts corrode.

Along the way make use of mentors and sponsors (not always the same). You need a challenging situation among real pros. The good student calls forth the good teacher…”when the student is ready the teacher will appear” so goes the ancient Greek saying. In the meantime learn from everyone all you can. Share what you have with others and so feel worthy of help you might get.

These are just a few thoughts running through my mind for the last few days as I have thought about your move into the sales manager’s job. Also I might add: every title has a value in your climb up the executive ladder.

Bless, Dad.

This week think about: 1) What words do I have for my children? 2) Which of Fred’s counsel really hits home for me? 3) How faithful am I to consider my family, my colleagues, and my friends?

Words of Wisdom: “Progress, not winning/losing is your emphasis.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Listen, children, to a father’s instruction, and pay attention so that you may gain discernment.” (Proverbs 4:1 NET Bible)

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