Weekly Thought – August 9, 2022

Fred did scattershot thinking. Interviewers struggled to keep him going down just one track. One thought bounced around and bounced off others. Before the interviewer could land one idea, another direction took over. But those who understand his pattern thoroughly benefited from these conversations. Harold Myra, retired CEO of the Christianity Today International companies uniquely captured his rhythm and knew how to play the game. Together they produced great content, and formed a lasting friendship. This week’s email is “a rabbit trail” from an interview.

Careful Confrontation

Confrontation is an explosive topic, especially within the Christian community. We prefer to talk about tolerance, love, mercy, grace, and other “spiritual” responses. But we fail to accept that Christ confronted.

However, He went to the source of the problem. He didn’t need the rich young ruler to give Him his money. He simply wanted to confront the financial idolatry present in his life. He certainly didn’t expect the Pharisees in the temple to stop their work – he wanted them to leave their self-righteousness behind.

So, in confrontation, you always want to try to go for the essence of the problem. Adler gave me a concept which has been extremely helpful. He wrote that every man is logical if you understand the base from which he operates. I try to create scenarios from which everything the person does makes sense. When I can do this, I believe I understand the problem. But until I can get to the place of understanding the logic, I still don’t understand the base from which the person is operating.

Many times I talk with parents who are totally frustrated with their children (especially grown ones). “I cannot understand what he/she is thinking. How in the world could they make that decision?” When we step back and come up with an understanding of the premise from which the child is operating, then the decision and the behavior makes sense. It doesn’t drive the parent any less crazy, but it is a step forward.

Sometimes confrontation takes real hard thinking. You have to develop an intuition for problems. And always leave room in your own thinking for the real possibility you may be wrong. That is a fundamental reason I offer options, not advice.

The proper attitude toward confrontation is key. It is not an opportunity to embarrass, play the power card, or let off steam. Evaluating myself first is a primary check-off. What am I trying to accomplish? How will this affect the individual, the organization?

Mature confrontation is for progress, not ego satisfaction.

This week think about: 1) How comfortable am I with confrontation? 2) Should confrontation differ according to the environment? 3) What are ways I back away from confrontation?

Words of Wisdom: “When you understand the base from which a person operates, their behavior is logical.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I thought, ‘Certainly you will respect me! Now you will accept correction!’ (Zephaniah 3: 7(a) NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 26, 2022

Fred respected talent. He identified passion and vision as two common elements of high achievers. During his life he enjoyed conversations exploring facets of leadership. His ability to recognize principles and catalog them for the benefit of many was part of his giftedness.

Is My Passion Focused?

Every effective leader is imbued with passion. An accomplishment is often to direct proportion to the amount and intensity of the leader’s passion. It is contagious; it gives hope; it sustains in difficult times.

I like this definition: “Passion is concentrated wisdom with high energy in the pursuit of meaning.” My good friend, theologian Dr Ramesh Richard, said: “First in life, decide on your passion. What is your first love? If you have multiple passions, you’ll be ripped to pieces internally, resulting in a fragmented, random life. If anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is your first love, you will fall into idolatry.” This international proclaimer and professor verbalizes it this way: “to make God look good and Christ well known.” In this he demonstrates his first love, his central passion. Christ is to be to focus – ensuring integrity of leadership.

The advantages of passion are many. It brings purpose, unity, intensity, and concentration. It leads to accomplishment. It gives intentionality to life. Passion gives depth, keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity. With passion our life becomes a welder’s torch, rather than a grass fire.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn had an undying passion for truth and principle; Mother Teresa, a passion for the dying; Moody, Spurgeon and Graham – a passion for souls. I think about Edison’s persevering passion; and Churchills indomitable passion of will that gave the British their war stamina.

Those with exceptional passion receive it as a gift for they were created with this extraordinary capacity. They can unite the mind, heart, and spirit. They have the ability to lose themselves in a cause, dedicating their life to a single purpose. I think often of the Apostle Paul’s words: “This one thing I do.” He again spoke of his focus “I determine not to know anything but Jesus Christ and Him crucified.”

In leadership, focused passion accomplishes much more than merely considering an intellectual, scholarly approach.

This week carefully think about: 1) How clear am I about my passion? 2) Where is the intersection of my gifts, skills, purpose, and opportunities? 3) When do I vividly see the direction for my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Passion gives depth, keeping us from the shallowness of mediocrity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But we passionately want each of you to demonstrate the same eagerness for the fulfillment of your hope until the end.”(Hebrews 6:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – July 12, 2022

Fred often wore the “heavy hat” as he sat on boards. His ability to see truth and then follow through with appropriate action were foundational to his ethical standards. Proper confrontation was clear to him and seen as a leader’s responsibility.

A Case for Confrontation

In the matter of confrontation, I probably am called on more than anybody else I know. People in business, ministry, even family situations get around their own involvement by saying “Smith enjoys conflict.” NO, I don’t enjoy it at all. But I will confront if it is productive. But let’s be clear: confrontation is only called for when the goal is productivity.

A recent situation is a good example. An individual has failed to face a problem. It got very serious, and very expensive so they came to me. When I said to the leader in charge he dodged the problem, finally saying, “I can’t, would you?” He has a distinct failing in this area. He often refuses to confront until he gets mad, then becomes abusive. That is not productive confrontation. I stepped in, not because I like or enjoy it. I took action because I believed it was the right thing to be done, and whatever is right should be done.

The Christian community has done a very poor job with confrontation. I am convinced the level of individual accomplishment in Christian organizations is notoriously lower (as a whole) than it should be because unlike business, the leaders confuse the presence of love means the absence of confrontation.

This often cowardly policy shows a lack of maturity. Waiting until you are mad, at the point of embarrassment by the behavior, or pushed into a corner creates an unhealthy environment.

A man asked me to talk to one of his friends. I agreed and met him for breakfast. As we talked I found out he had just done some extremely foolish things. So, I gave him a verbal kick in the pants. Afterwards, I called my friend to tell him about the meeting. I said, “I’m sorry, but the friend you sent to me probably didn’t particularly like or appreciate what I did, but I kicked him in the pants.” He responded, “Fred, I am really glad you did that. I would have, but I didn’t want to lose the friendship.”

I believe he has the concept completely wrong. I think his friendship (if it is truly a friendship) was the basis for the appropriate confrontation. Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.

A quick family word: Mary Alice and I decided when the children came along we were going to be their parents, not their buddies, pals, or friends. This flew in the face of the social culture of the 50s and 60s. We weren’t always the favorite parents, but we knew it was our responsibility to lovingly and productively confront at times. We have three fine adult children who now follow that pattern with their own families.

This week think about: 1) How “risk averse” am I to confront? 2) What helps me understand confrontation must be productive, not reactive? 3) When am I called on to be “the heavy?”

Words of Wisdom: “Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Against you—you above all—I have sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. So you are just when you confront me; you are right when you condemn me.” (Psalm 51:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 21,2022

Fred looked at life’s patterns. His remarkable understanding of principles allowed him to analyze and categorize life seasons. One which is recognized as helpful by many is the description of valleys and plateaus.

Celebrate the Highs and Lows

Sound development requires a program providing plateaus where our information is turned into knowledge through experience, then heading to another climb. The healthy individual uses the plateau(or valley)for assimilation before starting out again. Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.
The danger is not accepting the plateau as normal and becoming hooked on reaching the peak where we try to stay too long or even artificially filling up the valley with drugs, alcohol, or busyness.

Each of us must respect the principle that the food we grow in the valley (on the plateau) we eat on the mountain top (the climb). If we were to graph personal development the line would not go straight up. Our bodies and minds are designed for ups and downs.

Maturity and age are not synonymous. I am convinced the concept of plateaus and climbs is an accurate measure of development. Those who live believing the “best is yet to be” tend to understand the value of the valleys, learning as much as possible in preparation for the next climb. When we start circling round and round aimlessly without assimilating and certainly without attaining the climb, we are aging.

The purposefulness of the method is critical to grasp. The cycle has a rhythm which cannot be violated. Young “world beaters” often call me wanting to discuss their futures. Quickly I can ascertain if they have a hold on the principle of climbing, then plateauing to assimilate, then climbing again. Those who see the valleys as the abode of the losers don’t get a second appointment. I know they will burn out without making the contribution of those who practice alternating climbing and plateauting.

As we apply this principle we can identify progress is not equally distributed. Think of the various divisions of life: career, family, social life, financial and physical health – all are vital elements of life. Each requires its own charting of the plateaus and the climbs. Each must have its own development plan acknowledging all may (and probably will) have differing time lines for growth and maturity.

This week think about: 1) How well do I manage this principle? 2) What helps me to be most productive in the valleys? 3) Which area of life experiences the most dramatic highs and lows?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 14, 2022

Fred when asked by his son “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be the topic?” He answered, “the nature of God and the nature of man.” Understanding both were fundamental to his thinking about how the world worked. Managing emotions was a lifelong study for Fred.

Wait To Worry

Worry is the nagging headache of the soul. I as once a fulltime worrier, but I relinquished my membership in the club somewhere in the 1940s as I looked at my goals and whatever obstacles hindered me. Resigning from this club is hard to do for once you join getting out is difficult. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

Now I wasn’t a part-time worrier – I was no amateur. I couldn’t call it quits at night because that would be downright disrespect for my status as a professional worrier. Instead, I sat up with a pot of coffee – rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t just lie there tossing and turning – I would lie there and perk!

I decided to stop worrying. After years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry. Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull – WAIT TO WORRY. Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had all the facts. If I didn’t then I told myself “wait to worry.” Gradually a habit formed and after two or three years worrying was conquered.

However, in the process I found some interesting things about worry. For example, I saw a survey that showed 40% of what people worry about things that have passed; 30% never will happen; 22% when it happens will be so minor it won’t be worth worrying about; and only 8% will be real. That meant I was 92% wrong in my worrying. I wanted to do better than that.

Another thing I discovered was what we worry about today we will probably laugh about tomorrow. Listen to people at a class reunion laugh about things that weren’t funny at all at the time they originally happened, but they are now. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about tomorrow?” Those children are now parents and I hear them repeating those words to their kids.

This week think about: 1) What keeps me up at night? 2) How am I overcoming the worry habit? 3) Who models emotional maturity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 31, 2022

Fred illustrated his principles in ways his audiences could apply. Although he understood advanced theoretical content, he believed his giftedness included communicating ideas in transferable ways. He thought of ideas as pans which needed handles to pass from one person to another in the kitchen. He wanted to make sure he provided accessible handles.

Emotional Energy

We all come with a portfolio of emotions. Learning to manage them profitably is our job. Emotional situations produce energy. The better we manage and control and response to them, the better able we are to successfully utilize the energy.

Often the rigid person is blown apart by the very emotions that could have produced positive energy. I think about the way cars are designed. They are propelled by a series of controlled explosions – each separately timed and contained by elements in the design. Our emotional energy flows through us. Although we can’t perfectly time them, we can exercise control through planning, and discipline. I see this as one of man’s challenges.

On the other hand, the flexible person learns and employs the principle: “Don’t panic.” This comes with constant mental discipline, even in the smallest situations. I found it took a decision against panic always, no matter what. I practice to stay cool in the everyday happenings knowing this will build a habit that will keep me flexible when serious situations arise.

If you freeze in the little events, you will most likely lock up when the really difficult ones come.

Let me share a personal example: I have visualized and “lived through” each and every crisis I can imagine so that if any occurs, I will have practiced my response and prepared. I have friends who criticize this method saying I don’t have God’s grace until the situation arises, but I am not “borrowing trouble,” I am just thinking through situations (whether business or family) and formulating an action plan. I am disciplining myself mentally and spiritually.

My word of counsel on disciplining emotions is PRACTICE. Make emotional energy work for you. I find driving freeways and raising children provide adequate opportunities to work on flexibility and jettison rigidity.

This week consider: 1) How flexible am I emotionally? 2) What sets me off and how can I manage my response? 3) When do I handle emotional situations well?

Words of Wisdom: “If you freeze in the little situations, you will most probably lock up when the really difficult ones come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.” (Proverbs 29:11 NET Bible)