Weekly Thought – June 14, 2022

Fred when asked by his son “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be the topic?” He answered, “the nature of God and the nature of man.” Understanding both were fundamental to his thinking about how the world worked. Managing emotions was a lifelong study for Fred.

Wait To Worry

Worry is the nagging headache of the soul. I as once a fulltime worrier, but I relinquished my membership in the club somewhere in the 1940s as I looked at my goals and whatever obstacles hindered me. Resigning from this club is hard to do for once you join getting out is difficult. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

Now I wasn’t a part-time worrier – I was no amateur. I couldn’t call it quits at night because that would be downright disrespect for my status as a professional worrier. Instead, I sat up with a pot of coffee – rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t just lie there tossing and turning – I would lie there and perk!

I decided to stop worrying. After years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry. Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull – WAIT TO WORRY. Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had all the facts. If I didn’t then I told myself “wait to worry.” Gradually a habit formed and after two or three years worrying was conquered.

However, in the process I found some interesting things about worry. For example, I saw a survey that showed 40% of what people worry about things that have passed; 30% never will happen; 22% when it happens will be so minor it won’t be worth worrying about; and only 8% will be real. That meant I was 92% wrong in my worrying. I wanted to do better than that.

Another thing I discovered was what we worry about today we will probably laugh about tomorrow. Listen to people at a class reunion laugh about things that weren’t funny at all at the time they originally happened, but they are now. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about tomorrow?” Those children are now parents and I hear them repeating those words to their kids.

This week think about: 1) What keeps me up at night? 2) How am I overcoming the worry habit? 3) Who models emotional maturity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 31, 2022

Fred illustrated his principles in ways his audiences could apply. Although he understood advanced theoretical content, he believed his giftedness included communicating ideas in transferable ways. He thought of ideas as pans which needed handles to pass from one person to another in the kitchen. He wanted to make sure he provided accessible handles.

Emotional Energy

We all come with a portfolio of emotions. Learning to manage them profitably is our job. Emotional situations produce energy. The better we manage and control and response to them, the better able we are to successfully utilize the energy.

Often the rigid person is blown apart by the very emotions that could have produced positive energy. I think about the way cars are designed. They are propelled by a series of controlled explosions – each separately timed and contained by elements in the design. Our emotional energy flows through us. Although we can’t perfectly time them, we can exercise control through planning, and discipline. I see this as one of man’s challenges.

On the other hand, the flexible person learns and employs the principle: “Don’t panic.” This comes with constant mental discipline, even in the smallest situations. I found it took a decision against panic always, no matter what. I practice to stay cool in the everyday happenings knowing this will build a habit that will keep me flexible when serious situations arise.

If you freeze in the little events, you will most likely lock up when the really difficult ones come.

Let me share a personal example: I have visualized and “lived through” each and every crisis I can imagine so that if any occurs, I will have practiced my response and prepared. I have friends who criticize this method saying I don’t have God’s grace until the situation arises, but I am not “borrowing trouble,” I am just thinking through situations (whether business or family) and formulating an action plan. I am disciplining myself mentally and spiritually.

My word of counsel on disciplining emotions is PRACTICE. Make emotional energy work for you. I find driving freeways and raising children provide adequate opportunities to work on flexibility and jettison rigidity.

This week consider: 1) How flexible am I emotionally? 2) What sets me off and how can I manage my response? 3) When do I handle emotional situations well?

Words of Wisdom: “If you freeze in the little situations, you will most probably lock up when the really difficult ones come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.” (Proverbs 29:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 24, 2022

Fred thought and taught much about stress. He addressed business audiences, as well as ministry groups. Although they had different missions, he pointed out the similarities in their need for managing stress.

Building Internal Strength

I was asked to speak to 25 leading Southern Baptist pastors who showed great interest in knowing what laymen were thinking about handling stress. I told them that business people learn to balance the exterior circumstances with the internal condition. When external circumstances build up pressure and become threatening, attention must be turned to strengthening our internal condition or we will become like the doctor who gets so involved during an epidemic curing the sick he neglects his own health and dies from the very same disease.

A submarine must have the interior pressurized as it submerges or the outside water pressure will crush it. As long as the exterior and interior pressures are balanced there will be zero stress. Another example is the potter who learns the great skill of matching the pressure of the inside hand against the outside hand. Too much pressure from the inside and the clay bulges; too much from the outside and it caves in.

Too often the exterior gets so consuming we pray for the external pressure to be decreased rather than asking for the interior to be strengthened. An old saint prayed not that the burden would be lighter, but that he might become stronger.
One of my favorite examples is Tommy Armour, the “Silver Scot” of golf game. When other pros were talking about weakening the right hand to keep from hooking he said, “NO, strengthen the left hand and then whup the heck out of it with the right.” He was the initiator of the long ball.

Balancing the exterior and interior came home to me recently. I was scheduled to teach the Elliott class and chose this very subject because I was thinking a lot about it. On Saturday morning I went out to the garage to get in the car and head out for a busy day. I could see there was a white substance and oil on the garage window. When I opened the door I realized we had been vandalized. Someone threw a gallon of white paint and two gallons of used crankcase oil on the door. Such an experience does have a way of altering your agenda! Fairly quickly I thought, “Tomorrow I am going to talk about strengthening our internal condition to offset our external stresses. Now I have a great illustration.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How well do I keep the interior and exterior in balance? 2) What stressors are most troublesome right now? 3) Where do I find the greatest balance?

Words of Wisdom: “When external circumstances build up pressure and becomes threatening then we have to turn our attention to strengthening our internal condition.”

Wisdom from the Word: “My hand will support him, and my arm will strengthen him.” (Psalm 89:21 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 3, 2022

Fred recognized the need for a clear understanding of compassion. His reputation for clear thinking also acknowledged his proper use of healthy emotions. Ordinarily we excerpt writings on leadership, personal development, and business. These words on compassion will spur thought and conversation.

What is Compassion?

Compassion must be earned or else it becomes a substitute for grace, which it is not. To be compassionate toward immorality is to justify the immoral in all of us. Psychiatrists and psychologists who their goal of achieving a sense of being normal moves us away from the true goal of understanding redemption. It is critical for us to comprehend justification through sacrifice and grace. When we are told we are bigoted if we do not have compassion who do not deserve it results in intellectual dishonesty.

Unbridled compassion lets us accept the villain as long as he is personable, and so long as we are not his victim. The mobster Mickey Cohen was once asked by a youngster for his autograph. He inscribed it: “To Billy from a lonely old man.” He didn’t mention the fact that he deserved to be lonely and hardly deserved to be old.

We must not refuse to see there is a difference between a compassionate and a discerning heart.

Compassion is the realization of the havoc sin can bring, but not the excusing of the sinner. When we use our own sin to excuse every other sinner, then we are not bringing redemption at all. This is why it is so vital to accept forgiveness because it teaches us to grasp grace rather than sympathy.

In a very subtle way, sympathy becomes a revolt against authority, particularly scriptural authority. Oswald Chambers powerfully warns us about sympathizing with someone with whom God is dealing. He tells us to not get between God and that person. When we try to solve the problem, ease the pain, or make life better it makes God look unkind. We take sides against God.

The true function of compassion is to motivate us to lead the person to the source of healing – to God. I have been regarded as hard-hearted when I refused to bail someone out of a financial pit created by unwise decisions. What if I had short-circuited the lessons he was to learn? Generosity and compassion should be guided and instructed by wisdom and discernment.

This week think about: 1) How clear am I about the proper use of compassion? 2) When is it easier to be compassionate rather than dealing with the root causes and asking hard questions? 3) What do I need to do to deepen my understanding of Godly compassion?

Words of Wisdom: “Generosity and compassion should be guided and instructed by wisdom and discernment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Indeed, if you call out for discernment – shout loudly for understanding.” (Proverbs 2:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought -April 26, 2022

Fred managed the aging process masterfully. He followed his own principle of growing older, but never old. He prepared well for the last years through planning and mental discipline. Even in his years of restriction he said, “I am not disabled; I am delightfully dependent.”

Growing Older

Joy is like the wine which Christ made from the contents of the water jugs – the best was saved for last.

Normally, people think the exuberance of youth creates the best years of life. They believe the poorer wine is reserved for old age, so they substitute the memories of youth for current experiences. Too many people are eating the crumbs of former feasts. They take the scraps from a years old big dinner, reheat them, and accept that as satisfactory.

The Christian life should reverse that philosophy. God works on an ascension scale – he moves us as He transforms us; He changes and enhances our spirit even as our body deteriorates. If we follow Christ we are moving from earth to heaven; from temporal to eternal. In our Christian life “the best is yet to be.”

Our prayer of thanksgiving as we age should be, “Thank you that thou has kept to best until now.” Finishing well is summed up by hearing “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joys of thy Lord.”

The Christian life has responsibilities and duties. Being profitable to the Master is our job description. At the end of this work is the participation in His joy. This should be the normal pattern for Christian living, not the exception. God wants us to be productive – it is part of the relationship we have with Him. We can use it as a measure of our life experiences.

At my age my friends are tempted to reheat and rehash stories of youthful successes. It is challenging to cancel our membership in the “usta club.” It is tiring to sit with formerly active, eager people and hear them endlessly retell tales of what they “usta do.” God’s plan is forward gear, accomplishing to the last day. He saves the best wine for the last – we must drink it with joy.

This week carefully consider: 1) How much joy am I displaying? 2) What are my future plans? 3) When do I feel God’s pleasure as I strive for “well done?”

Words of Wisdom: “They take the scrap from a years old big dinner, reheat them, and accept that as satisfactory.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He died at a good old age, having enjoyed long life, wealth, and honor. “ (1 Chronicles 29:28a NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – April 5, 2022

Fred clearly differentiated between strengths and weaknesses. Contrary to some, he disagreed with the effort to overcome weaknesses. “Develop your strengths and buttress your weaknesses” was his philosophy. He observed insecurities as facts of life, not weaknesses. His thinking is most helpful.

Insecurity and Growth

All of us have our areas of insecurity… not just a passing anxiety, but the continuing lack of adequacy. Even when we sleep it haunts us in our dreams.

Actually, as we become more secure, we are better able to recognize and accept our remaining insecurities. For example, even the most emotionally secure might still have stage fright so badly they refuse to face an audience or some new experience. I have found some extremely extroverted before a camera or from the platform can become insecure off the stage. I have known “bigger than life” personalities who were afraid to be alone.

While we can borrow a small amount of security from others, we cannot depend on others for complete security. One of the most difficult and contentious marriages I know is between a tragically insecure woman and an outrageously secure man. She thought his security would become hers by osmosis, but of course, this did not happen. Rather than admire and benefit from his security she began to harbor resentment and stayed irritated. His equilibrium was a constant reminder and reflection of her imbalance.

Permanent security must be grown from within. This is part of the pain of growth. It takes a great deal of determination and discipline. Fortunately, it is not a disease of the will, so the will can become an ally and stepping stone on the path to security. I would also add that nearly as important is will power is a sense of humor. In my life I was raised in the mill district of a large Southern town, son of a Baptist preacher. I had no exposure to social graces or cultural experiences, so as I was offered opportunities beyond my background I ran head long into “social gaps.” We were grateful to have one fork beside our plate so you can imagine my chagrin staring at an elegant table with china, crystal, linen, and MANY forks! An inner sense of humor is extremely useful in relieving the pressures of embarrassment. The confidence comes, but it helps to laugh at the gaffes along the way!

Insecurities are a part of the human condition. We mature, fill in holes and grow, but it is a process that takes time, hard work – and often a good laugh.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do I consider insecurities? 2) When I look back, how much growth do I see? 3) How well am I able to laugh at (and with) myself?

Words of Wisdom: “The confidence comes, but it helps to laugh at the gaffes along the way!”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will lie down and sleep peacefully, for you, Lord, make me safe and secure.” (Psalm 4:8 NET Bible)