Personal Development Planning

Weekly Thought – February 5, 2019

Fred assumed God gave him gifts, not just for his enjoyment, but for he good of others – and to His glory. The concept of stewarding his “uniqueness” remained uppermost throughout his life, even to the last days. (Note: when Fred used the words “I am convinced” friends and family paid attention because it was always the preamble for a Fred truth.)

BWF is undertaking a writing project using several of Fred’s principles for effective living: mentoring, networking, and persevering. Please pray for the ideas to form into a usable, helpful shape. Your prayerful support and your financial gifts enable us to continue bringing Fred’s lifework forward. Thank you.

Personal Development Planning

I am convinced I am responsible for my own personal development. Only I know who I want to become. Only I know my real strengths and weaknesses; my passion and my talent. Only I know the price I am willing to pay to become who I can be.

On January 1st each year I look at what personal progress I made the year before and then importantly, what possible progress I can make in the coming year. For effective analysis I divided my development program into four areas: 1) physical, 2) emotional, 3) mental, and 4) spiritual. I do audits of my business, and family, as well, but this particular analysis is for my personal development.

I then measure four elements: 1) association, 2) reading, 3) writing, and 4) travel.

Association: when I was young I was always told, “Birds of a feather flock together.” I wanted to associate with individuals who would be my mentors and role models. Early in my business career I chose six qualities I wanted to build into my life. I asked individuals who personified each to give me an autographed picture. I framed them, along with a print of Hoffman’s head of Christ, and a mirror. I hung them with Christ at the top and the mirror at the bottom, surrounded by the others. It was an informal way to measure my progress.

Reading: I do prescriptive reading. What do I mean? Just as everyone doesn’t have the same prescription of their glasses, not everyone is helped by reading the same subjects. I read no fiction. I concentrate on certain authors who can give me what I need. I read on philosophy, theology, mentoring, and psychology – subjects for which I have a natural affinity.

Writing: Until I began working with Maxey Jarman, chairman of GENESCO, I was totally verbal. Once as I reported on activity in one of the manufacturing plants, he said, “Fred, write it.” When I told him I couldn’t, he said, “The reason you can’t write it is that you don’t know it. Anything you know you can write.” He required writing as a way of developing the discipline in me. Later in life I adopted Bacon’s quote: “Writing makes an exact man.”

Travel: Travel expands my viewpoint. Growing up in the mill district of North Nashville my world was very limited. But, I knew there was more. I would sit in the attic of our house with a crystal radio set searching for broadcasts from the outside world. Dreams became realities and I experienced all those places.

My friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones always says: “Except for the books you read and the people you meet, you will be the same person in five years as you are today.” So true!

This week think about: 1) How well am I growing in Fred’s categories? 2) What are my measures for personal development? 3) Who can help me be much stronger in five years?

Words of Wisdom: “I am convinced I am responsible for my own personal development.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that everyone will see your progress.” (1 Timothy 4:15 NET Bible)

Defining Impact

Weekly Thought – January 29, 2019

Fred didn’t remember wasting time as a child. He was ridiculed by others because he would sit and think, sometimes hiding in the attic or behind bushes to have alone time. Fred knew his goals were different from those around him. Serious thinking became the keystone of his giftedness.

Defining Impact

When I was 28, I sat in a cemetery and decided what I wanted as an epitaph. “He Stretched Others” was the phrase back then – and still is. This became a driving mission as I wanted to be a productive, helpful piece in the development of others.

Thinking of our mortality is important. I read we have an entire generation who is trying to outrun old age through health care, exercise, cosmetic surgery – and fooling themselves. Considering the end helps us bring clarity and reality to the present.

Our son, Fred, asked me “Dad, if you had only one more to talk to make, what would be the subject?” An intriguing question, don’t you think? The importance of our choices increases as we age. We know our time to impact others is limited. Just as Fred asked me, I started asking questions of others.

That became a challenge to describe the process the answering the “final” question. “Fred, everyone doesn’t think about these things as deeply as you do. Help me figure out a process so I can answer my question.” Here are just four of the many questions I asked which may be helpful as you construct your own last words:

1) What fact do I feel has affected my life the most?
2) What one thing would I want to say to my children and grandchildren?
3) What is the one statement that most deeply stirs me?
4) What could I say that would affect my hearers the most?

Whether it would be one last speech to make, one last song to sing, or one last book to write it makes a difference to know what your final expression would be. In defining this you find out a lot about who you are and what your life purpose is.

Oh, just in case you wondered about my answer to Fred… “The True Nature of Man.” Is mankind basically good with a tendency toward sin or basically sinful with a possibility for good?

(Note: on Fred’s tombstone in the Dallas cemetery which he is buried, the headstone says “He Stretched Others.”)

This week think about: 1) What is my “one last” word? 2) How am I evaluating my life in light of the future? 3) Who needs to engage in this conversation with me?

Words of Wisdom: “Considering the end helps us bring clarity and reality to the present.”

Wisdom from the Word: “With God are wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his.” (Job 12: 13 NET Bible)

The Memory Game

Weekly Thought – January 22, 2019

Fred considered his memory as part of his gifting. Even at the very end of his life he had extraordinary capacity. His ability to not only pull back, but put into context enabled him to speak, write, and teach broadly.

During 2019 BWF is expanding its content through additional written materials. Prayer support as undertake the updating of You and Your Network, and produce a book on transition and change inspired by the What’s Next Roundtable.

The Memory Game

Friends of mine who are being dragged into their 50s complain of “losing their mind” when it is only their recall that is slowing down. (Note: Fred lived to 92 with memory intact). They still have strong reasoning power and good decision making skills.

They are experiencing a weakening of their recall system. As I grew older I felt the same frustration and anxiety.

When I thought it through I realized I have a mind, a memory, and a recall system. The mind does the thinking, the memory does the warehousing of data, and the recall is the retrieval method.

Now that my short-term memory is very capricious, I developed a game which defeats frustration. In fact, I have learned to greatly enjoy it!

The warehouse of my memory still contains all of my experiences. When I cannot bring a name or a word to mind I don’t lay the blame on my memory. Memory hasn’t failed – the warehouse is still in fine shape. And, if the recall element were in top working order, everything would be clear.

Here is how my warehouse works: I decided the building is divided into shelving units with workers whose responsibility was to retrieve and race to the front desk where the request lay. When they were young, they challenged each other to see who could answer my call with the speediest response. No matter what item I required, the answer was found and returned. Sometimes the warehousemen actually ran into each other bringing thoughts, names, and places to mind. Sometimes the warehouse whirred around with unlimited activity.

As I aged the process slowed down. At first I couldn’t understand it and was frustrated. “What was happening?”

Then the lightbulb went on: the warehouse workers were aging as I did. Some have arthritis, have failing eyes, and even misconstrue my request. Some workers have retired so several units are unattended. The pep in their step drags a bit.

The other day I waited and waited for the worker to return. When he arrived he reported he forgot what I ordered. I laughed and said, “So did I!”

When I realized I have not lost my mind I understood the process… and cut the workers some slack. And I wrote out bonus checks for those warehousemen who faithfully serve me for all these years! And prepared myself to hear from them about 3 am for that is their time of choice to deliver the information!

This week think about: 1) How can I change my view of memory loss? 2) What can I do to keep my warehousemen in good shape? 3) Who needs to be encouraged by Fred’s game?

Words of Wisdom: “The mind does the thinking, the memory does the warehousing of data, and the recall is the retrieval method.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I will remember the works of the Lord. Yes, I will remember the amazing things you did long ago!” (Psalm 77:11 NET Bible)

Challenges and Disturbances

Weekly Thought – January 15, 2019

Fred’s ability to capture the essence of culture and his discernment about the nature of mankind gave him a timeless view of the world. This week’s post is truly solid gold as it is excerpted from a 1954 speech. In the talk he mused about the challenging conditions of the world, listing some disturbing contributions of his generations. Fred was 39 at the time of these observations.

Challenges and Disturbances

My generation has given to the new generation (editor’s note: new generation at that time comprised of those born 1927-1944):

1) Religion without conviction
2) Science without conscience
3) Kinsey without marriage
4) Excitement without achievement
5) Security without effort
6) Knowledge without wisdom
7) Nightmares instead of dreams
8) Techniques without principles
9) Precepts without examples
10) Freedom without responsibility
11) The present without promise
12) The future without fruition
13) Marching orders without marching songs
14) Education without motivation
15) Prosperity without peace
16) War without reason
17) Art without beauty
18) Brotherhood without Godhood
19) Songs without souls
20) Enterprise without enthusiasm
21) Fission without feeling
22) Fusions without faith

This week think about: 1) Nearly 60 years ago Fred saw these trends. What am I seeing and passing on to the next generations? 2) How clear am I on my challenges and contributions? 3) Who am I influencing in the next generations?

Words of Wisdom: “We are giving the new generation knowledge without wisdom.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And regard the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as also our dear brother Paul wrote to you, according to the wisdom given to him. (2 Peter 3:15 NET Bible)

Enough?

Weekly Thought – January 8, 2019

Fred considered personal growth a serious responsibility. His paraphrased life verse was Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” An evangelist gave this verse to Fred when he was a teenager, and it became a driving force.

This month our BWFLI team will be gathering at LeTourneau University in Longview, TX. Please pray for them as they begin conversations and create connections about their “What’s Next” decisions. 2019 will be a year for publishing. You and Your Network will be getting a facelift with new styling and additional bonus content. The What’s Next curriculum will be featured in a book sharing stories of people with their transition and change strategies.

Enough?

Adequacy is our ability to cope – no matter what the situation. Adequacy is both a fact and a feeling. A lot of people have the fact, but lack the feeling. Consequently, they go around with negative thoughts and fears. For example, when problem situations arise, they handle them capably, but don’t tap into the capacity to enjoy the feeling of adequacy. Therefore, they brush off the success and miss out on the complete experience of being adequate.

I know a young female executive who “leaks.” She handles difficulties easily, then moves on without taking even a moment to process the success. She seems incapable of retaining the feeling of doing well. Instead, she can recite a litany of misses while totally missing out on the feeling of success.

However, there is no reason to say that you are adequate when you are not. This is fantasy and will get you into a great deal of trouble. When your inadequacy is revealed, you will look like a fraud. But a legitimate feeling of accomplishment is important for it contains elements of hope, faith, confidence, and good past experiences.

The ability to think is far greater than the ability to store information. The willingness to act is more important than the data involved with processing the action. Too often we have all the information we need to make a good decision, but failure and subsequent inadequacy come in the inability to take action.

Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action. And as we experience this pairing in our lives we gain the fact and feeling of adequacy. In Texas we have a fitting expression “fixin’ to.” To be truly adequate we need to move beyond that to doin’ it.

And for Christians, we know that the fundamental ingredient is the humility to know our gifts don’t come from us, but through us.

This week think of: 1) When do the fact and feeling of adequacy come together for me? 2) How can I hone my decision making skills? 3) Where are my areas of intended growth for 2019?

Words of Wisdom: “Adequacy is a combination of sufficient information matched with the skill and willingness to take appropriate action.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as if it were coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.” (2 Corinthians 3:5 NET Bible)

Optimistic New Year

Weekly Thought – January 1, 2019

Fred lived as a realist, but chose to see the richness in the days to come. When he and Mary Alice married in 1937 they committed to each other that “the best is yet to be.” They went through very lean financial years, but throughout they stood together acknowledging the will of God in their lives. In 2006 he wrote these words as thoughts on the year to come. They are a personal reflection. They seem appropriate as we enter 2019.

BWFLI anticipates our campus event at LeTourneau University during January. Our team will speak truth, bring hope, and engage students. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.

Optimistic New Year

I am optimistic about 2006. Not only that it will be a year of blessings in the form of opportunities, but also that my health will remain stabilized. The website (breakfastwithfred.com) continues t grow and be useful. The Saturday morning open house (Fred in the Bed) is the bright spot of every week. We have formed a real community of friends. Two notes are typical of this group. One said, “I have a lot of problems which I leave at Brenda’s front door. I come empty and leave full.” Another said, “When I started coming I only faith to get me to heaven, but now I want to serve the Lord.”

I also am looking forward to teaching Zig Ziglar’s class as well as the many telephone conversations with friends (old and new) during the week. I am enjoying the optimism of usefulness.

A friend sent me some research done by Dr. Martin Seligman, past President of the American Psychological Society. The report was done on the effect of optimism on health. He found it was the dominant factor over a long period of time. To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.

Dr. Seligman has authored an interesting and helpful book on optimism showing that it is an attitude that can be learned. There is quite a difference in Pollyanna-ism and genuine optimism. True optimists see the negative but don’t fear them for they feel adequate to the challenge. False optimism is more denial than recognition.

An attitude of optimism not only makes life for the individual but also for those associated with him/her. I have found visitors who come to see me appreciate the positive environment we have created and look forward to returning.

I am credited with hundreds of one-liners. One of my favorites and one I certainly find helpful in this stage of life: “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” If I anticipate usefulness, maturity, and contribution in immobility, dialysis, and other physical ailments, then I am finding the good.

This week carefully consider: 1) What does optimism mean to me? 2) What am I excited about for 2019? 3) How am I communicating a healthy, positive attitude to others?

Words of Wisdom: “To me, the chief element of optimism is faith… not faith in optimism, but faith in the Lord who gives us the right to be optimistic.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And you will be secure, because there is hope; you will be protected and will take your rest in safety. “ (Job 11:18 NET Bible)

My Personal Creed

Weekly Thought – December 25, 2018

Fred knew the power of organizing his thoughts through writing. He regularly quoted Francis Bacon: “Reading makes a full man, conversation a ready man, and writing an exact man.” This week you will share in a very private reading – “Fred’s Credo.”

May this day on which we celebrate the Incarnation bring blessing, clarity, and peace. And may you grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

My Personal Creed

My purpose: To determine what I will become knowing I will become the sum of my choices, and my decisions. To that end I will:

1) Respect truth by searching for it and accepting it from any source.
2) Look for the essence of matters as the elegance of life.
3) Endeavor to pray honestly about any subject, assuming God already knows.
4) Expect nothing but what I earn, but accept gifts gratefully.
5) Own myself. Thereby I can contribute my uniqueness to life. I will concentrate on my uniqueness rather than what I like to do, or what pays the most. If my uniqueness is lost, then there has been no compelling reason for my having lived. I will have failed to contribute my place to life’s jigsaw puzzle.
6) Limit extensive self-knowledge to my most productive strengths and destructive weaknesses.
7) Construct concepts for my thinking and actions so as to minimize large mistakes and give consistency to my living.
8) Relax in the sovereignty of God.
9) Decide issues of life by faith based on Biblical authority.
10) Respect money as a tool, never an idol.
11) Endeavor to accept my rightful responsibility because it is right not necessarily because I like it.
12) Realize my acts affect others and have ripple effects.
13) Accept human imperfection as a reality, but never an excuse.
14) See profitable and interesting experiences in areas of life that will continually broaden me.
15) Turn all experiences into knowledge and knowledge into wisdom.
16) Live so that the best is yet to be by attending to maturity, health, relationships, and capital.

I Will Not:

1) Build an unreal image which enslaves me or alienates me from others.
2) Make a junkyard of my old age through bad decisions.
3) Sacrifice self-respect, health, family, relationship with God for business success.

This week think about: 1) What is my personal creed? 2) Which of Fred’s points penetrated my heart? 3) Which one needs my attention?

Words of Wisdom: “I will become the sum of my choices, and my decisions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “That you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so that you may walk in a manner of the Lord.” (Colossians 1:9, 10 NET Bible)

Fact or Fantasy

Weekly Thought – December 18, 2018

Fred held a firm grasp on reality. His theological foundation created a basis for his thinking in all areas. Although he was not one to quote “chapter and verse,” his understanding of scripture strongly influenced his thinking and speaking. The nature of man was fundamental to his view of life. These thoughts from the late 1990s are current for today.

BWFLI is founded on the premise of God’s principles which never change. As Fred said, “the principles never change, just the illustrations.” BWF is nearly 15 years old and the campus events just completed 10 years. Over that time the truth of God’s word is the banner under which we operate. Thanks for supporting us year by year.

Fact or Fantasy

No matter how beautifully or reasonably a situation is defined, it is no more than fantasy if not based on truth. I am particularly impressed at this time with all the politicians vying for the presidency. They are telling us of the panacea they will bring to the office and the country. They list all the major problems and say with a bold gesture and big smile, “Elect me and I will make them all go away.” They tell us of all the solutions which will appear once they are in office.

They have made one big miscalculation: they have the wrong concept of human nature.

Humanity is flawed and cannot be perfected by governmental programs. Welfare, however well intentioned will create perpetual dependence unless it requires individual responsibility.

Once I fortuitously had breakfast with the well-known commentator David Susskind the morning after he debated Bill Buckley, who cut him to ribbons. But throughout Susskind maintained a gracious spirit, I opened up the breakfast by telling him I admired his attitude even through I held conservative political views. Being totally aware of his intellectual capabilities, and respectful of him, I asked, “How does a man with such intellect and learned as you take your political position?”

He replied, “In order to be a liberal you must first believe in the basic goodness of man.”

I told him his explanation allowed me to totally understand his political position. “Your statement makes your liberalism patently clear.” I went on to tell him I believed in the doctrine of man’s original sin. He said, “That is a horrible thought.” Then I asked, “Is that a thought or a fact?” Sometimes in order to control a subject we will misname it.

I further told him if I believed in the fundamental goodness of mankind I would give free education, total freedom, and financial aid. But if humanity is basically sinful and we provide privileges without responsibilities we could create monsters. I feel a great many of our programs fail because we do not understand the sin nature of humanity.

The imperfectability of humanity is a fact. Programs built on the basic goodness of mankind is built on fantasy.

This week think about: 1) How clear am I on my view of the nature of mankind? 2) What difference does my belief system make in the way I live? 3) Where do I see this tension affecting public policy?

Words of Wisdom: “I feel a great many of our programs fail because we do not understand the sin nature of humanity.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Just as it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one.’” (Romans 3:10 NET Bible)

Character Building

Weekly Thought – December 11, 2018

Fred’s mentor, Maxey Jarman, influenced him profoundly. He established a relationship with “Mr. Jarman” while in his twenties by seeking him out. The lessons learned and the friendship developed continued until Maxey Jarman’s death in 1979. One of the strongest elements each pursued was character.

BWFLI focuses on “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” Emphasizing the importance of character as foundational for maturity is critical to each campus visit. Keep on praying for students, faculty, staff, and administrators at this high pressure time of year.

Character Building

I have often wondered about the real motivation for character building. There are surely multiple answers and I am not ready to settle on just one. But I do know character building is like any other aspect of personal development. It starts with the genuine desire to have the real thing, not just the image of it. Too often we have the appearance, but not the reality. We see in others, and in ourselves, a hyped up version of character, but not the authenticity. Anxiety and secrecy are the price we pay for this hypocrisy.

One motivation I saw in my own mentor, Maxey Jarman, was scriptural obedience. A critical point is that this discipline is not just to the scripture, but to the Lord of the scripture. There is a subtle, but important, difference. Because Maxey saw the Bible as the inerrant, inspired word of God and not just ancient wisdom works, he knew he had no right to consider it a static document open to human interpretation. He treated it as the living Word understood through the dynamic work of the Spirit. It was not literature it was Logos.

When I think about my mentor and character I find it difficult to accurately express all the lessons he taught. Words are so wooden sometimes.

The idea of character is frequently equated with obedience. But I make a distinction between behavior and motivation. The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites. Ultimately, the attitudes differ and even the outcomes can take different directions.

Legalists become the master of the law in its application and the servant in its fulfillment. The law becomes the god while appearing to serve God. Consequently, they miss.

Character development includes a spirit of belief which is part of the act of belief. Therefore, it follows if one is to use scriptural obedience for character building one must be a student of the Word. If our nation is losing its character as many fear, I sincerely believe it must be partly due to a lessening of scriptural knowledge, study, and respect.

This week consider: 1) How disciplined am I in my scriptural obedience? 2) What can I contribute to maturity in my own environment? 3) Who is influencing my thinking and my own character?

Words of Wisdom: “The maturely obedient and the self-righteous exhibit the same outward actions, but the inward motivations can be polar opposites.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

Spiritual Light and Cultural Issues

Weekly Thought – December 4, 2018

Fred consistently applied Biblical principles to current situations. His ability to update his facts, keep current, and understand fundamental rules of life allowed him to constantly contribute to social conversations.

The year of 2018 is taking its final breaths, but oh, what an outstanding period for BWFLI. We created What’s Next Roundtable events for five Christian colleges and universities in Kentucky, Illinois, and Texas. We engaged students in deeper thinking about mentoring, networking, and persevering. Thank you for your support. We would certainly appreciate being included in your year-end giving.

Spiritual Light and Cultural Issues

I have been listening to an increasing number of secular panels discussing the major issues of our time and society. Everything from growing cynicism, disputes about authority, losing respect in the global community, child pornography supported by internet use, alcoholism, and drug abuse. After a few hours of these conversations my physical immobility pales in comparison to the values paralysis in our secular environment.

I have not heard any sure answers to any of the problems. Most of the participants have PhD degrees, but demonstrate a marked deficiency in the understanding of man’s nature. There is rarely, if any, mentions of spiritual solutions. And those that are given are not Biblical. These highly educated men and women seem determined to have strictly human answers for human problems.

For example, the discussion on drug abuse included a minister, a counselor, a psychologist, and an educator. For over 30 minutes they reviewed and rehearsed their wish list for solutions. None of them was convincing to me. As soon as they opened the microphone in the audience a young man said, “I have been in every jail in this area for drug abuse. The last time I said, “there must be a better way.” I went to a church looking for answers and found the love of Christ which changed my life. My addiction was cured.”

If the panel really wanted an apt answer, a workable answer, they would have questioned the young man, but the almost embarrassed facilitator simply said, “Next question or comment.” Their dismissal of his testimony indicated to me their complete misunderstanding of true solutions. They wanted a social construct, not a spiritual conversion.

I am convinced many of our experts are humanists, not willing to accept spiritual (Biblical) answers. Likewise, I believe there are two sources of knowledge: 1) humanism and 2) Biblical revelation. The humanist can be well-informed but only the person who has been infused with spiritual revelation can have more than knowledge – they can have true wisdom. That, to me, is the Christian advantage for providing answers to the problems of today’s society.

Our problems can not be solved by human intelligence alone. True solutions will come through spiritual revelation.

This week think about: 1) What problems in my community needs a spiritual solution? 2) How can spiritual revelation become real in my life, my work, my family? 3) Who can help me become wise as I seek to provide solutions?

Words of Wisdom: “They wanted a social construct, not a spiritual conversion.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7 ESV)

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