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  • Weekly Thoughts (Page 3)

Nothing To Do

Weekly Thought – May 9, 2023

Fred had no patience with those who complained, “I’m bored!” whether voiced by a child or adult. He and Mary Alice handled their responses differently when hearing those words from the children: Fred encouraged study, thought, or writing while Mary Alice could immediately think of a household task which would cure any amount of boredom.

Nothing To Do

Boredom is the dry rot of our souls. It comes when we feel what we are doing isn’t worth the time, isn’t interesting, challenging, or entertaining. I find boredom can be the result of living too efficiently, and less effectively. That is, when our life becomes a series of habits and routines, drying up our creative juices.

Oftentimes children say to their parents, “I’m bored!” The best answer for that is one question: “What are you going to do about it?” We must learn early in life it is our responsibility to handle that emotion. It is not the job of others to keep our life interesting.

An extended state of boredom opens a door into pseudo-sophistication or melancholy. We refuse to lift ourselves by our emotional bootstraps our of the quagmire. Here are three actions I have suggested to those who come to me with the “I am bored” complaint.

1) Break off the repetitive pattern of life. In other words, make a change that will help us use our minds, and not just be habitual. Routines are helpful, but they can also lead to malaise.

2) Add something good to your life. Start a new activity, begin a new hobby, see the old things in new ways, and do something specifically helpful for others each day. I sat down with a young person with the “boring” words. I challenged him to make a list of all the activities he could name in five minutes that would bring positive change. With no hesitation, a list of nearly ten developed. Remember, the more bored you are, the less interesting you are as a person. As you start a personal development program, you will become interested and then interesting.

3) Take something bad out of your life. We all have things that need correcting. Eliminating a sedentary lifestyle, an unhealthy diet, or lazy mental activity – these are places to begin. Some of us may need to stop activities that are just busyness adding nothing to the quality of our lives. Surely you can find something to throw out. Mary Alice and I spent a New Year’s Eve in Naples, Italy. We were surprised as the new year arrived, people stood on balconies up and down the street throwing items out of windows and over balconies. Why? Traditionally they threw items away they didn’t want to carry into the new year. It seemed everyone had something to jettison.

As we war against boredom in our personal lives, we might think about what we need to throw out. And as we analyze our blah attitude we must accept the responsibility of poor self-management because boredom is a sure sign and symptom.

This week think carefully about: 1) How often do I feel bored? 2) What do I do to create energy and enthusiasm? 3) What score would I give myself on personal self-management?

Words of Wisdom: “Boredom is the dry rot of our souls.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I am weary of my life; I will complain freely without restraint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.” ( Job 10:1 NET Bible)

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Childlike or Childish

Weekly Thought – May 2, 2023

Fred had little patience with those who wanted each event of each day to be miraculous, supernatural, and almost spooky. His theological position on free will differed with some of his family and friends who held to a stricter view, but he always treated them with grace.

Childlike or Childish

Mary Alice and I have two daughters, and a son. They will always be our children, but they have grown into fine adults. When they were born we expected them to develop into mature adults. I have known Christians who maintain a childish relationship to God, wanting a Father who allows them to remain as children. They refuse to use their God-given minds, but constantly lean on emotions, looking for supernatural occurrences every day. To me, they are missing the joy of maturity.

Personally, I believe God works the day shift, as well as the night shift. How often do you hear stories of looking for God’s will and miraculously receiving a wake-up call at 3AM which brings the answer? God wants us to develop a grown-up relationship with Him. I believe in prayer, but I also believe God created us to be decisions makers. My process: use my best judgment, do my homework (including scripture for principles and talking it over with wise counselors), and asking Him to imbue my attitude with His spirit which gives ultimate glory to Him, and laying the plan before Him. As I do this I genuinely ask if there is any part of it that is outside His will and ask Him to make me aware of the soft spots. I want also to be clear that this decision is something I want to glorify Him, not just for myself. Finally, I ask if there is anything in this decision that would be detrimental.

I don’t look for super-spiritual signs for each decision of my life. However, I have a good friend who prays for EVERYTHING… this includes the tie which he should wear in the morning. I kidded him one day about this because he only wears Countess Mara ties. He never prays about whether he should buy cheaper ties, just the color of his expensive ones. To me, this isn’t maturity. I think God desires us to grow in body, mind, and spirit.
Whenever I sense I am being immature in my focus, or my discipline, I simply feel the Spirit check me in that area. I may have to go back to the drawing board and do a lot more hard work. I don’t expect some mystical feeling about the process. I believe maturity in the faith is pleasing to God.

This week consider: 1) What is my decision making process? 2) How tempted am I to want God to “write the script and just give me my lines?” 3) When do I take the opportunity to discuss Christian maturity with younger believers?

Words of Wisdom: “Personally, I believe God works the day shift, as well as the night shift.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Therefore we must progress beyond the elementary instructions about Christ and move on to maturity, not laying this foundation again: “ (Hebrews 6:19(a) NET Bible)

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Seeing and Leading

Weekly Thought – April 25, 2023

Fred believed vision is a key element of strong leadership. His thoughts on vision generate thought and conversation. This week’s email highlights his response to a question about the nature of vision as part of a healthy, mature life.

Seeing and Leading

A journalist recently asked me about my thinking on vision. I think he expected me to give reasons for a lifelong plan with an overarching theme. But I don’t believe a vision has to be set for life. I think a vision can be crafted for periods of time and for specific areas. For example, a young athlete might envision a professional career. However, skill and experience don’t match up to the demands and expectations. The vision must change. And wise professional athletes might realize the vision of elite performance, but age or injury will inevitably end that career – and the vision, though complete, must change. The saavy athlete makes plans for the next stage of life, not assuming to ride the coattails of athletic performance sustain them after playing.

I now see many of my friends who had a strong vision for executive success – and attained it. But retirement came. The vision which motivated and generated energy is now a fait accompli. A new picture of the future must absolutely be developed.

One exception is the vision of who we want to be as men and women of character… that vision can be lifelong, and should be. In fact, we should be growing in maturity the older we get. The picture we have of ourselves should include a clear idea of who we are becoming, not just what we are doing.

I find it helpful to seriously survey my life as I age, recognizing the key areas of interest and activity. It is sad to see older men and women madly dashing from place to place filling time and trying to satisfy their need for significance. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, looked at the philanthropic sector of his life and decided he only wanted to give to four outreaches. This gave focus to his giving. He expressed his thinking by writing out a clarified giving vision.

Let me say this: I believe a vision should be broad enough and far enough out in the front of us that it gives us an idea of what we want to accomplish, who we are as people, how we want to be judged, and what reputation we want to carry. All of this requires discipline and repeated assessment.

Defining who you want to be as a person should be foundational, and many of the aspirations and dreams can be expansive. But all visions should be consistent with who we want to be during each stage of our lives – and how we want to be remembered when it is our time to go.

This week think carefully about: 1) What are my current visions for myself as related to family, career, friends, and faith? 2) How can I effectively assess my current vision? 3) Who do I respect with clear vision?

Words of Wisdom: “The picture we have of ourselves should include a clear idea of who we are becoming, not just what we are doing.”

Wisdom from the Word: “There are many plans in a person’s mind, but it is the counsel of the LORD that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21 NET Bible)

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Leaving Good Behind

Weekly Thought – April 18, 2023

Fred often crafted his own word usage. This week’s message demonstrates one of his favorites: “residue.” Despite its current negative connotation, Fred used it to describe legacy. Rather than a sludgy deposit, he employed it to describe what we leave behind when we die.

Leaving Good Behind

As a young man I thought much about what I wanted to leave behind when I died. Growing up as the son of a pastor in the mill district of Nashville, I had no social position, no accumulated wealth, and not even a college education. But I knew I had been given talents and skills which it was my job to develop. One day I walked into a cemetery and studied the tombstones. After awhile I sat down on a bench and considered what I wanted on my own when the time came. “He stretched others” were the words that came to mind. I didn’t know how that would set a direction for my life, but I knew that was the aim.

The question is: “What residue do I want to leave when I go?” What future activities should I engage in to achieve this? For me this meant investing in individuals, not institutions.

Once I was introducing Ray Bolger at the Convention Center in Las Vegas. To prepare I went to “catch his act.” It was one of the most touching, philosophical dance numbers I have ever seen. He came on stage alone with the orchestra out of sight in the pit. He paid homage to the greatest dancers of all time by demonstrating snippets of their famous routines. For example, he danced up steps like Bill Robinson; and jumped from one surface to another like Fred Astaire. Then in a dim light he very poignantly said, “Each of the greatest left a little something on the floor.”

They were unique, leaving a residue of their art. Suddenly and silently the lights went out and a pencil-point spot picked up a lone stool sitting on the stage. On top of the stool were Ray Bolger’s shoes. His voice sounded, “When I go I would like to leave a little something on the floor.” Of course, the audience broke out in applause. He was saying what we all hope secretly – to leave a residue of life for others to follow.

This week carefully consider: 1) What do I want to leave behind? 2) How well will I finish? 3) Who can I help think through the importance of legacy?

Words of Wisdom: “What residue do I want to leave when I go?”

Wisdom from the Word: “O LORD, your name endures, your reputation, O LORD, lasts.” (Psalm 135:13 NET Bible)

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Setting the Course

Weekly Thought – April 11, 2023

Fred often asked his children “Are you pleased with the direction you are going?” Then he would talk about “revectoring,” and the impact of even a miniscule change in long range direction.

Setting the Course

“What direction do I want my life to take?” That simple question is a major key to meaning. I personally am much more concerned with the direction than the goal. Whether it is business, ministry, or even family relations, I see people set goals, accomplish them, and too often put a period afterwards. A popular 1960s vocalist sang “Is That All There Is?” Reaching a goal can temporarily deflate momentum. Many express the idea that the joy was in the journey, not the checking it off a list.

I walked through the den where the family was watching TV. A commercial came on featuring an animated character slurping through a straw. The tag line played: “That’s the saddest sound I ever heard.” Apparently the chocolate-flavored milk drinking rabbit hit the bottom of the glass and kept on sucking on the straw. I don’t know if it sold product, but it was a catchy description of frustration. When the emphasis is on goals, not direction, we set people up for that “sad sound.”

Goals should be touchpoints along the trajectory of our stated direction to measure our progress, not an end in themselves.
An outstanding young friend called to tell me after reading my great undiscovered classic You and Your Network sat down and wrote four pages outlining his direction with plans for implementation. At 44 he outlined what would define his direction, setting near term and intermediate goals to maintain the direction, not serve as terminal points.

The Apostle Paul said, “This one thing I do…” He knew the secret of the direction of his life. He did not say “I am going to win 2,000, organize 14 churches.” He set his direction as knowing and serving Christ, crucified.

I like to interpret the word “righteousness” as “rightness.” When I say the rightness of God I mean we accept God’s definition of right and wrong. In the scripture we are told not to conform to this world. But actually I see an awful lot of Christians who think they are avoiding conformity if they sin slower than the modern society. They think as long as they stay on the conservative side of the population they are living as Christians. But this is counter to scripture and distorts the direction.

When we measure our progress by what the world deems acceptable we are taking a wrong turn on our decision to live for Christ as our direction. It is critical to stop and assess, “Am I satisfied with the direction I am taking?” If not, it is time to make adjustments in order to avoid arriving at a destination far afield from our original commitment.

This week think carefully: 1) When was the last time I assessed my life direction? 2) How easy is it for me to become goal oriented and lose sight of the theme of my life? 3) What is foundational and non-negotiable for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Goals should be touchpoints along the trajectory of our stated direction to measure our progress, not an ends in themselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself to have attained this. Instead I am single-minded: Forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead.” (Philippians 3:13 NET Bible)

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Not My Fault!

Weekly Thought – April 4, 2023

Fred took responsibility for his decisions – he refused to point fingers. He firmly believed taking ownership is a key element of maturity. He shared the platform with Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled. He told Fred transference is now a national sin. This week we share a few of Fred’s thoughts about blaming someone else.

Not My Fault!

My young grandson was sitting on the floor, mumbling, when his mother walked by. She listened for a minute then asked, “Jeff, what are you doing?” “Practicing for when the girls blame me.” The blame game is learned early.

Many psychological theorists tell us all our problems are the responsibility of failed parentage. All of our weaknesses belong at the feet of our mothers and fathers – “not our fault.” The Chaplain at Yale once responded when a student told him his problems were the result of his parents, “How far back?” I wish I could think that well. If “our parents” are at fault, we can push the problem all the way back to Adam and Eve.

Harry Truman’s famous sign on his desk refuted the attitude of transference: “The Buck Stops Here.” Too many are being trained to expect another’s handling of our bad decisions. Government entitlements generate irresponsibility. In 1940 Benjamin Elijah Mays became President of Morehouse College. He defined “the Morehouse Man.” The core values are self-disciplines, self-confidence, self-confidence, and strength. He crafted the credo for the school: “Whatever you do in this hostile world, be the best.” Taking responsibility and becoming a man of character was the goal.

It is still a hostile world, and will always be, but the man or woman of purpose will refuse to pass the buck. Transferring responsibility or blame is a sign of immaturity. Healthy growth does not include this unhealthy habit. Whether it is relational, vocational, or even spiritual, we can transfer our problems to spouses, organizations, or even God. How often do we see TV commercials which encourage us to blame “the times, the society, the culture” for eating too much, working too hard, sleeping too little? The finger of Madison Avenue always points away from us.

I heard Mary Alice telling one of the children, “Remember, when you point your finger at somebody else there are four fingers pointing back at you!” She put it in language they could understand.

The man or woman of character accepts responsibility in every situation. It is a discipline for our nature fights against us. We have the capacity to create new habits and new automatic responses, but it takes time and hard work. It is worth it!

This week think about: 1) How readily do I accept responsibility for my decisions? 2) What can I do to help others mature? 3) When am I most tempted to play the blame game?

Words of Wisdom: “It is still a hostile world, and will always be, but the man or woman of purpose will refuse to pass the buck.”

Wisdom from the Word: “An honorable man makes honorable plans; his honorable character gives him security.” (Isaiah 32:8 NET Bible)

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Why gracious?

Weekly Thought – March 28, 2023

Fred respected gracious men and women. One of his favorites was the wife of Phoenix executive. In commenting on her way of drawing people to her through her attitude she responded, “Fred, thank you for noticing. I have dedicated it to Jesus Christ.” Her graciousness was her witness.

Why gracious?

I remember a fellow saying, “If I treated my wife as well as I treat yours, she would be the happiest woman in the world.” I have repeated that in public numerous times, drawing a laugh without fail because there seems to be truth in it.

Graciousness is like anything else – you have to genuinely desire it. Sarcasm, negative remarks, and critical attitudes aren’t consistent with graciousness. If you want to play the piano, you practice; make money, you work where money is to be made; have muscles, you work out in the gym.

In acquiring a gracious spirit there is a struggle to diminish the value of this attitude. This is where we understand the source of all gifts and develop a humble attitude. The best definition of humility I have ever heard is: humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through you and not from you. (Note: at this point Fred would regularly pause and say, “may I repeat that?” It is hard to type this and not wait for him to repeat it.)

Self-righteousness has false humility or the actions of faking humility. That is actually lying.

A magazine interviewer once asked me: “Fred, what is the benefit of being gracious?” I answered: “In the first place, it makes the quality of life so much better. Just like architecture shouldn’t just be utilitarian, life should have beauty, as well. Some argue that being abrupt and direct saves times and gets things done. I disagree. I think time saved by avoiding conflict is time saved in the long run. An important benefit is that it reflects God. That, in itself, is worthwhile for mankind. But we must be careful to see it as an outgrowth of our faith, not just an element of a courteous culture. I grew up in the “gracious South,” but I am not convinced it was always the quality that comes from God, but an environmental atmosphere.

This week think carefully about: 1) How gracious would my family, my colleagues, my church friends say I am? 2) What words would I use to describe a gracious person? 3) Where do I see graciousness in scripture?

Words of Wisdom: “Humility is not denying the power, but admitting it comes through me, not from me.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let everyone see your gentleness. The Lord is near!” (Philippians 4:5 NET Bible)

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Thinking Clearly About God

Weekly Thought – March 21, 2023

Fred would often say “there’s magic in believing if you don’t believe in magic.” He firmly believed in the power of the Spirit, but he did not support superstition and what he called “over spiritualizing.” In a speech given forty years ago he gave illustrations of healthy, mature thinking about God’s direction in our lives.

Thinking Clearly About God

After I spoke at the Reformed Seminary one of the students said to me, “Mr. Smith, God’s got me just where He wants me.” When I asked him where that was he answered, “Broke.” I told him my wife and I have a son and I would feel very disappointed if he said I had him just where I wanted him when he was broke. I don’t really see that as the proper image of a heavenly Father.

I think I told you of the lawyer who came to see me about five years after becoming a Christian. He said, “God is disciplining me. I became a Christian and decided to make my practice of law a ministry rather than a profession and so I have been letting Christians pay me what they felt I was worth.” I replied, “You’re broke, aren’t you?” He was surprised at my response. I told him the Lord wasn’t disciplining him – “you are suffering the consequences of your own stupidity.” Then I gave him $2500 to pay his bills. He went back into the practice of law as a professional and grew a successful firm. He had spiritualized a bad decision.

I believe problems should be analyzed. I don’t believe we should over spiritualize but understand the concept of cause and effect. While I do not think the problem should be spiritualized. I am going to surprise you and say I do feel the answer should be.

Let me give you four examples of spiritualizing correctly. The key is letting faith do these four:

1) Create a positive environment in which you feel the problem can be solved. I have never found an answer that I didn’t believe had a solution.
2) Faith gives us concentration, and we can’t reach our potential until we concentrate;
3) Faith gives us energy, for it is so much easier to work with a problem you feel you can solve than one you can’t.
4) Faith affects our attitude. It lets us accept winning or losing with equilibrium after we have done our best.

To me, spiritualizing the answer isn’t making up some spooky ritual or strange way of thinking, but it is bringing into our solutions the divine help which is available to us through the Spirit. It is not asking for miracles or devising irrational ways of thinking but asking for His divine presence in the process.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I to keep my mind disciplined to avoid wrong views of God? 2) What is my process for finding answers? 3) What role does spiritual help play in decision making?

Words of Wisdom: “I don’t believe we should over spiritualize but understand the concept of cause and effect.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Yes, I find delight in your rules; they give me guidance.” (Psalm 119:24 NET Bible)

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Humor for All Seasons

Weekly Thought – March 14, 2023

Fred was a student of humor. In fact, he was a philosophical analyst of its use – and abuse. He wanted to write an entire book on it, but didn’t. However, he put thoughts down as part of an interview which is excerpted this week.

Humor for All Seasons

Humor is a good way to stay connected with me. One of my long time friends’ networks sends clippings, cartoons, and funny stories. We find a quick smile is a fine way to communicate. There are days when a good cartoon is the right fit.

I feel strongly it is good to use humor to take responsibility for relieving embarrassing, tense, or combative situations. When you can do good it is important to use humor correctly. In these situations you could be improving relationships, giving time for parties to think, and probably giving a psychological break. These are healthy uses.

Someone who insists on telling a story whether it fits or not, or serves a purpose or not is abusive. This is taking up the time of others without bringing something positive to the situation. A person who tries to be funny is usually a humor abuser. I have been in social events when one attendee dominated with puny attempts at being humorous. He was not adding to the atmosphere – he was doing nothing but wanting attention and control. A friend of mine told me he was the kind of man who would say, “Here I am doing all the talking and telling you all about myself when what I want is for you to be talking… about me!”
I can tell much about a person’s character, and especially humility. Self-deprecating humor can be helpful, but it has to have a point. Father Hesburgh, President of Notre Dame tells of the time during the 1960s and the Hippies. When demonstrators tried to take over the campus he met with the leaders. He offered his hand but the man refused. After the conversation the Dean who met with them said, “Father, I would have kicked them in the pants. Why didn’t you?” The President said, “My job isn’t to kick students but to educate them.” He took a backseat to pull the stinger.

Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.

This week think carefully about: 1) How do I use humor in business, family, social activities? 2) When do I laugh most heartily? 3) Who do I know who uses humor well?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor is an excellent asset. Like any other, it must be valued and developed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with gladness.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)

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Winning and Losing

Weekly Thought – March 7, 2023

Fred observed the social environment long before it became the thing to do. He understood the “cultural moment” before anybody put those words together to describe where we live. He lived watching the correlation between Biblical principles and modern American culture. The influence of winning and losing is this week’s topic (probably written in the 1950s or 1960s).

Winning and Losing

Winning is a national addiction. Preachers, athletes, businessmen must have visibility and success. Criminals who commit bold crimes and get national coverage garner publicity and get strangely recognized. All of us must be winners – it is a national duty.
We love winners and likewise we dislike losers. We regard losing as a contagious disease so we distance ourselves.

Yet, there is a time to lose. You can be objective as you think about it. I sat down and jotted down for myself four reasons to lose:

1) When winning costs my self-respect, it is better to lose. I think of self-respect as the little guy who lives deep down inside of me. When I wake up at 3:00 am I check with him. If it is thumbs up, I can go back to sleep. But if he won’t talk to me and doesn’t believe the excuses I give, I know I am in trouble. It is critical that I stay in the clear with the little guy.

2) If winning costs me my health that is too much. I have seen too many men who stayed on jobs that have killed them, but their pride kept them in the job. No job, no success is worth that price. I made the decision in advance I would not pay it.

3) No amount of success is worth my family… they are more valuable than any other success. I frequently hear older men tell me they sacrificed their families for their business achievement. They wanted success more than happy families. The loss of family was one of the payments they paid to purchase personal success.

4) Success is too costly when it severs my relation with God. This life is not the game – this life is the practice for the game that is to come. God owns the stadium and I would like to play on His team… forever. If I have to choose between my God and my success that choice has already been made: “Here I stand, so help me, God.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How serious am I about self-respect, health, family, and faith? 2) Which of these points hits home for me? 3) Who can I encourage to consider the cost of success?

Words of Wisdom: “We love winners and likewise we dislike losers. We regard losing as a contagious disease so we distance ourselves.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of me will save it.”(Luke 9:24 NET Bible)

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