Controlling The Ego

Weekly Thought – November 4, 2025

Fred often remarked when questioned about a troubling situation…”Follow the ego.” He had great discipline and self-control. He understood his giftedness, and his responsibility to steward it without an inflated ego.

Controlling The Ego

I remember an embarrassing situation that occurred one night at a business meeting with a group of high-profile executives. One man, who considered himself as an authority all because he read the newspaper, popped off about the energy situation and its easy solution.
Unbeknownst to him, another man in the room had just returned from chairing an international conference of major oil companies. After the first fellow finished spouting off (only proving his ignorance), the second man quietly but effectively exposed him for the fool he was.
I quickly said to myself, “I hope that never happens to me.” I left that meeting determined to make sure in my speaking I always remember that someone in the audience may know a lot more about the subject than I do. The memory of that business meeting has stayed in my mind and tempered many remarks I’ve been tempted to make.

On the other hand, sometimes speakers are too impressed with who is in the audience. One night I was in a church listening to a preacher when I saw a well-known university president slip into the sanctuary. Clearly, the preacher saw him enter, as well, for he changed his style considerably. I could tell he was preaching for the benefit of just that one individual. He went from preaching to giving an intellectual performance, trying to impress with his learning. He seemed to forget the rest of the audience.

Being impressed with ourselves or with the celebrity of another blocks the power of good communication. In our work and in our speech, we should always remember that God is listening and He is our ultimate audience.

It is never far from my thinking that God is present. If He isn’t, we ought to dismiss early!

Carefully consider this week: 1) When I speak is it to express or impress? 2) How well do I understand myself, identifying my ego potholes? 3) How well do I listen before speaking?

Words of Wisdom: “In our work and in our speech we should always remember God is listening and is the ultimate audience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The fear of the LORD provides wise instruction; and before honor comes humility.” (Proverbs 15:33 NET)

Free Time That Counts

Weekly Thought – October 28, 2025

Fred did not “goof off.” His mentor, Maxey Jarman once sent him a leather Eames chair – the ultimate in luxurious lounging. He pulled it out on to the back deck, reclined, and covered himself with a very large IBM blanket emblazoned with the word THINK. He had one of the children capture it on their Kodak Brownie camera and sent a photo to his mentor.

Free Time That Counts

Many times our leisure determines whether we are going to be mediocre or successful. A Christian should use leisure constructively to build, not to abuse. Weekend carousal is not an option. Volunteer work and healthy diversions are positive activities to include.

Leisure gives us time for reading, studying, traveling, and ministering. We are to invest our time, not spend it. I want my leisure time to pay dividends like any other good investment. An excellent hobby can provide relaxation and a bit of spice for life. Recreation should be re-creation. Our pleasures should restore our energy and create pleasant memories.

For many, recreation is just the opposite. For example, a nurse sat in the adjoining seat on my flight from Miami to Chicago. I asked her whether she was coming home or going to work. She said she was returning from a long weekend of partying in the islands. Her eyes looked like two red traffic lights. She was going home to her job so she could recuperate from her vacation. This sounds backwards, to me. As I see it, she made a big payment for this leisure time without hope of any future dividend.

My friend Jed Thompson uses his vacation time to work on a boat on the Amazon River, bringing with him dentist and technicians who volunteer their time. As well, they bring dental and medical supplies. They go up and down the area ministering to the local people – first to their health needs and then to their spiritual ones. Another family I know takes part of their summer vacation to go to the poorest areas in the world to serve Christ. These as well as those who participate in mission projects to erect buildings, put on vacation Bible schools, join in with Habitat for Humanity, and other groups like Samaritan’s Purse understand a way to invest their time and energy, not just spend them.

Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish. In William Barclay’s prayer he asks for pleasure in his leisure. This only comes through the giving of oneself to something bigger.

This week look at your schedule and ask: 1) How well do I steward my leisure time? 2) What comes to mind when I think about the difference in investing and spending my time? 3) Who can benefit from my example of investing time wisely?

Words of Wisdom: “Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish.”

Wisdom from the Word: “O LORD, restore our well-being, just as the streams in the arid south are replenished.” (Psalm 126:4 NET Bible)

The Last Word

Weekly Thought – October 21, 2025

Fred asked questions… Of others and of himself. Their son Fred, too, has the gift of questioning. This week’s thought is based on a conversation between the two of them.

The Last Word

When I was 28 I sat in a cemetery thinking about what I wanted my family to put on my tombstone. “He stretched others” came to mind and it hasn’t changed for my entire life.

Recently our son Fred asked me, “If you had only one more talk to make, what would be the subject?” Intriguing question, don’t you think? As we all face our mortality, we think more seriously about the impact of our speech and our example. We know our time to influence others is limited. Just as Fred asked me, I started asking others. I find it a worthy question.

I was then challenged to describe the process of answering the questions. A good friend said, “Everyone hasn’t thought about these issues as much as you have, Fred. Give me some help on processing my own answers.” So here are some questions that I thought about in forming my own.

1. What one fact do I feel has affected my life the most?
2. What one thing final thing would I say to my children and grandchildren?
3. What is the one statement that most deeply stirs me?
4. What is the one thing I could say that would affect my hearers the most?

Whether it’s one last speech to make, one last song to sing, one last book to write, or one last time around the family dinner table, it makes a difference when you know what you would want your final expression to be. In defining this, you find out a lot about who you are and what your life’s purpose it.

Editor’s note: (In case you were wondering about Fred’s answer to his son… “The nature of God and the nature of man: is man basically good with a tendency toward sin, or basically sinful with a possibility for good?” He added: “The answer to this question influences all human relationships and commerce.”

This week carefully consider: 1) What would I want my last words to be? 2) How would these words impact those around me and others to hear of my death? 3) Who is asking me good questions?

Words of Wisdom: “As we all face our mortality, we think more seriously about the impact of our speech and our example.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have competed well; I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7 NET Bible)

Leading By Example

Weekly Thought – October 14, 2025

Fred chose his mentors and models carefully. From a young age he identified characteristics he wanted to emulate then attached them to men and women who personified them. Maxey Jarman, CEO of GENESCO served as an example throughout most of Fred’s life. He served as a teacher, spiritual guide, sponsor, and friend. Fred, in turn, dedicated himself to stretching others until his very last breaths. NOTE: On October 18, 1915, Mary Alice Swann was born. Hers was a life of dedication to the Lord, her family, and friends. Truly a woman of virtue.

Leading By Example

Role models personify who we would like to become. My wife, Mary Alice, had three women in her early life who laid out the path she wanted to walk. The first was her high school teacher, Miss Brown. She was stately, dignified, and totally ladylike. Mary Alice saw in her what she felt a Southern lady should be. Next was her Bible teacher, Mrs. Keane, who taught a group of young mothers to understand the Scriptures. Her cup overflowed with love and grace from the Lord to those young women. Mary Alice would say, “She is what a Christian should be.”

Then there was Miss Gordon, a tiny, immaculately groomed woman in her eighties. Although raised in wealth she spent a great deal of her time reaching prisoners for Christ. On occasion we would take her to church. Other times we would simply visit. We “sat and warmed our hands in the fire of her love,” as Gert Behanna’s words. Miss Gordon personified the quiet power of victory. When she died, it was a short step from here to heaven… much like Mary Alice’s own passing.

Mary Alice found in these three women role models for her adult life. They influenced her not by what they had but by who they were, just as Mary Alice influenced others by her own life.

Observation and identification are the important elements in role-modeling mentoring. I knew who I wanted to be and I identified those who personified those values. They didn’t have to be personal friends. In fact, when I was young they were not, but I observed them and knew they were the person I wanted to be.

Often the role model is unaware of his or her impact on another. Sometimes there is even little personal contact between the two. The role model can even be a Bible character or a public figure. Many choose historical figures as role models when they read of their lives and the choices they made.

Role models are a visual embodiment of our personal goals and directions. In them, you can see yourself as you create a pattern for living.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who has been a significant role model? 2) Who might be watching me for life clues? 3) What values are core for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Role models personify who we want to be.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Who can find a wife of noble character? For her value is far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10 NET Bible)

The Providence of Coincidence

Weekly Thought – October 7, 2025

Fred lived a life of intentionality. He believed in the value of time and energy. Yet he chose to avoid a driven lifestyle. He encouraged others to enjoy seeing God’s plan unfold without trying to force His hand.

The Providence of Coincidence

I got a call from a men’s retreat I had led for several years on the West Coast. My physical condition kept me from being there in person, so they wanted to set up a phone call allowing me to say a few words and stay connected to the group. Over the many years this group and I had established a close relationship.

However, because the location was in the mountains there was serious difficulty with the phone connection. Even though they had one of the top professional soundmen working on the project, they were unable to access the venue’s phone lines. Without that they couldn’t set up the system to make the call go through.

Just as the technician was saying it was impossible to make the connection a man and his son walked in the door to attend the retreat. The man was there as a participant, but in his business life he was with the telephone company. They “happened” to drive up in his telephone truck and had all the tools and equipment needed to make this work. He even had the spurs in the truck which he needed to climb the telephone pole!

The next step was to talk with the next door neighbor asking for her patience and permission to disrupt her TV service during the phone call. She graciously invited the man and his son, offered them homemade lemonade – and even hugged them after hearing the story and wishing them well at the front door. Mission accomplished!

When they called me it was clear as a bell from both sides. So many things continued to happen that night “against all odds.” If you looked at the evening the numbers just didn’t add up. Even skeptics would have difficulty attributing it all to coincidence. I have seen them admit that certainly something greater than chance was at work. Years ago in looking at these situations I decided to coin a phrase “beyond arithmetic.” I used it to point to times when random and haphazard just don’t fit. When God connects the dots we can smile and simply say, “I knew that was you!”

This week consider: 1) How quickly do I recognize providence? 2) Where has God connected the dots in my life? 3) How can I train my family to look for God’s hand in their lives?

Words of Wisdom: “When God connects the dots we can smile and simply say, ‘I knew that was you!’”

Wisdom from the Word: “But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible. But with God all things are possible.’” (Matthew 19:26 NET Bible)

The Wise Reader

Weekly Thought – September 30, 2025

Fred believed one of the key elements of maturity came through reading, association, and travel. Almost monthly he received books on a wide variety of topics from friends and acquaintances. He appreciated their thoughtfulness, but he had a basic principle: “I do not feel the obligation to read a book just because someone sends it to me. I also do not believe reading requires me to start at the beginning and complete the entire book. I search for the excerpts which are helpful.”

The Wise Reader

In a book I read recently the author says that some people get to age 35 or 40 and then level off in terms of their personal accomplishments, never climbing any higher. He said that during the younger part of your life, just being alive is enough to drive you forward, but that energy begins to wane. Unless you have a spiritual drive that urges you forward, the physical runs out and you peak.

One of the sources of motivation for me is reading. We can’t keep up without it. Let me ask you something: “What do you read? Do you read objectively? Do you say what do I need to read to improve?” Until you do, you miss the best of reading.
Of course, it is impossible to read everything. I learned a long time ago that my particular interests and gifts are in three areas: theology, philosophy, and psychology. I am an eclectic reader and intrigued by ideas, but since I am a slow reader, concentrate my reading in these three areas. Make clear decisions about what you read and why.

I wear glasses and maybe you do, too. Mine probably cost about the same as yours. Would you trade lenses with me just because I asked you to? Of course not! That would be silly because yours fit you and mine fit me. Reading works the same way. Are you reading what the boss is reading or are you reading what fits you? Are you reading a book because someone sent it to you or because it was on the best seller list?

You wouldn’t wear someone else’s glasses so don’t let someone else’s interests, enjoyment, or career direction determine the use of your reading time.

Understand what your purpose is for reading and carefully discipline your choices.

This week think about: 1) What three books have most profoundly influenced me? 2) What am I reading right now? 3) How would I begin a conversation with my favorite author?

Words of Wisdom: “Make clear decisions about what you read and why?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then books were opened, and another book was opened – the book of life.” (Revelation 20:12(b) NET Bible)

Making Good Decisions

Weekly Thought – September 23, 2025

Fred expertly made decisions. He skillfully separated the objective from the subjective modes. One of his frequently used “Fred Saids” was “keep current on the facts.” He emphasized the importance of correct data in the process.

Making Good Decisions

Our life is a network of decisions. A few are vital, but many are less important. For example, the choice of a spouse and the decision to have children are two of life’s most critical decisions. Buying a new suit may seem to be critical at the moment but unless your choice creates a serious fashion faux pas it falls into the “middle of the road” category. As I say this I think of an impertinent waitress in our vacation home’s local restaurant… “Well Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning.”

Decision making is both an art and a science. There are a few who are intuitively gifted to do this well by being able to see the problem and possible solutions in the same exercise. Charles Kettering, the automotive genius said, “A problem well defined is half solved.” One of my mentors often said, “The secret of good decisions is in knowing all the options.” His process was to outline them all and then choose the best one.

Before Robert McNamara when he was president of the Ford Motor Company was well known for his practice of accepting a colleague’s suggestion, then quickly responding, “What other possibilities did you reject in order to accept this one?” Many times the individual would have to admit that the one offered was the first one to be considered. McNamara would then end the conference and excuse the person to go back and consider other alternatives.

In order to pick good options, you first have to know the object of the decision: what is it supposed to solve; does it apply to the problem or to the possibilities.

I try to first define the current reality by establishing the current facts… not what I wish they were, but what they actually are. Then I think about how each option can be implemented and activated. Solutions that cannot be executed are impractical and unusable. I have seen executive decision makers who put policies in place which were unenforceable and subsequently made management look weak.

A good decision is structurally sound and effectively executed.

Carefully consider this week: 1) What decisions do I have before me this week? 2) How do I establish my priorities? 3) Who models effective decision making for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I try to first define the current reality by establishing the current facts… now what I wish they were, but what they actually are.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now give me wisdom and discernment so I can effectively lead this nation. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” (2 Chronicles 1:10 NET Bible)

The Blood of Life

Weekly Thought – September 16, 2025

Fred moved from earth to heaven on August 17, 2007 at 9:15 AM. Three days a week for the last 8 years he traveled to a dialysis center where his blood was circulated and cleansed. The lessons he learned during those sessions were often used as illustrations in his speaking. This week he tells a personal story never before related before being used in the Elliott Class of the Highland Park Methodist Church in the late 1980s or early 1990s.

The Blood of Life

Sometimes you keep stories to yourself because they are very personal. Sometimes the deep satisfaction they reflect keeps them private. This is a story from my early manhood I have never told before – simply because it was extremely personal and very satisfying. It didn’t need any broadcasting.

When I was a young man in the life insurance business I went into a lawyer’s office where an attorney and his daughter practiced together. As I spoke with them they were obviously upset, and asked me what my blood type was. A very strange question from a prospective client indeed. But I could tell by their faces they sincerely needed my answer. When I answered his question he replied, “That is exactly what we need!” After a moment he continued, “My brother is dying in St. Thomas Hospital right now and desperately needed a blood transfusion immediately. The attorney went on to ask, “Would you give him some of yours?”

We immediately got into their car, traveling to the Nashville hospital. Without doing anything than taking off my suit coat and laying down on a cot beside the brother’s hospital bed they directly transferred my blood to him without modern processing because the need was so urgent.

He lived and expressed great appreciation for my willingness to help him. He even offered to pay me for the donation.
He and his family saw the effect the gratitude had on me. They understood I didn’t want payment. In fact, it would have been inappropriate. I never saw him again; I never heard from any of his family members, either. But I experienced total, real satisfaction.

When our souls were in need of a donation for our salvation, Jesus shed His blood. When our souls were perishing His blood provided a way for us to access eternal life. Christ gave us something that we cannot buy – we can only receive it by faith – namely His grace. Growing up in the home of a Southern Baptist pastor the hymns were a constant companion. I will always remember the booming voice of my preacher father… “Would you be free from the burden of sin? There’s power in the blood!”

This week carefully consider: 1) What does the “blood of Christ” mean to me? 2) Who has benefited from a spiritual infusion? 3) Where am I applying the power of the blood in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Sometimes you keep stories to yourself because they are so private.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if we walk in the light as He himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7 NET Bible)

Fundamental People Principles

Weekly Thought – September 9, 2025

Fred thought in principles. He aptly applied discernment, understanding, and experience to fundamental principles. He often said: “Principles never change; just the illustrations.” His well-disciplined study of human nature and his ever alert view of human behavior gave him ample “material” as he would say.

Fundamental People Principles

Here are three simple things I have learned about people:

1.) It is a total waste of time trying to correct other people’s mistakes. I should use the time to utilize their strengths and buttress their weaknesses. Too many training courses focus the majority of the time on overcoming weaknesses – a complete misunderstanding of human nature and effective management.
2.) You can’t change anybody else. Each person has to change himself or herself – you can’t do it for them. You can set up pressures or you can be alert to opportunities for encouragement, but the action can’t be taken for another. You might even create fear that will cause a temporary change, but nothing permanent. We spend an awful lot of time putting temporary situations in place, thinking we have changed a person but in the end it is an inefficient, ineffective short term fix.
3.) People are the way they are because they want to be that way. I haven’t always believed that. In fact, when I started out in life I wanted to be a social worker… until I became extremely disillusioned with people. Now I am totally convinced each of us is responsible for our choices. Instead of operating from this principle, we rationalize and give all sorts of reasons that people are not the product of their own decisions. One thing I have clearly observed: we do this for ourselves, as well.

When we have an opportunity to change and don’t take it, the decision is being made to stay in the same place. On the other hand, when you go through personal challenges without hiding, rationalizing, or running away, a decision is being made to grow and mature. The person who comes through is the person of choice.

Finally, people who want to change make a plan knowing growth doesn’t “just happen.” Conversely, people who avoid planning and just “go with the flow” often treat the lack of change, opportunity, or maturity with rationalization.

As I like to say, “Principles never change; just the illustrations.” These simple fundamentals can work as a skeleton for effective personal relations. Each interaction will have its own set of particulars (or illustrations). I find practice is the key to mastering these principles.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I understand people? 2) Which simple principle is most helpful for me this week? 3) Where in scripture can we find substantiation?

Words of Wisdom: “Principles never change; just the illustrations.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And all who heard Jesus were astonished at his understanding and his answers.” (Luke 2:27 NET Bible)

Entering the Throne Room

Weekly Thought – September 2, 2025

(On September 1, 1915 Fred was born to Mathew Bunyan and Amye Smith 110 years ago.)

Fred demonstrated the power of prayer. He believed in it and practiced it diligently. Prayer was also very private for him. A lifetime memory for his children is seeing him on his knees beside their bed before sleep. He faithfully followed the habit taught by his parents. The image of humility was permanently affixed. Mary Alice carefully noted her earnest requests for her family, their safety, their security, and their “sanctification.”

Entering the Throne Room

Prayer is both marvelous and mysterious. How marvelous hat a sinner saved by grace can at any time commune with the Lord Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth. In the night when I awake and am tempted by frustration, it is so comforting to be able to talk to the Lord about it.

I am not alone in my experience. One of the psychiatrists who helped select the first astronauts told me how they tested them in total isolation seeing how much they could withstand. He said some could go indefinitely, and when they examined them, they found that they were the ones who could pray. If we would only realize our opportunity for direct communication with the Lord, how much more we would do it.

I have found expressing gratitude to God gives me great satisfaction. Surprisingly, I have also found it has increased my self-respect. It is so much easier to live with myself as a person who is grateful, rather than a complainer and whiner.

Mysterious is the nature of intercessory prayer. How can my request impact God’s love for others? Yet we are instructed to pray for one another. Realistically, I would be frustrated if I could not pray for others when I feel there is nothing else I can do for them. Often people will say, “At least I can pray for you.” I always want to remind them praying is the most they can do for me.

I have never felt that the number of people praying for a person or situation is the vital point. I do not think God is a politician who is swayed by numbers or polls. And I definitely do not believe God is impressed with celebrity. Thinking getting famous Christians on your prayer team doesn’t get your request moved to the top of the pile. I remember the widow whose life was terrifically limited, but all of us wanted her to pray because we knew she had suffered hardship, and deprivation while trusting wholly in God.

When we say, “I will be praying for you” it is a serious commitment. Promising to join the company and community of the committed through prayer is entering into the mystery of the faith. Voicing the willingness to join with others around the throne is speaking the intention of sharing the marvelous and mysterious presence on behalf of another.

This week carefully consider: 1) How real is prayer for me? 2) Who has asked me to pray for them? 3) What does my prayer list look like?

Words of Wisdom: “I have found expressing gratitude to God gives me great satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul.” (Jeremiah 29:13 NET Bible)

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