Brenda’s Blog – January 15, 2019

“I’ve got this…”

The woman told me the story of her father’s death following surgery. As the details unfolded I thought how very much they apply to our lives, as well.

The experienced anesthesiologist didn’t want to be bothered by the alarms on the monitors in the operating rooms. “I have done this over and over and I don’t need to hear those alarms going off. I’ve got this,” he said as he flipped the switches, quieting the machine.

Sadly, the application of the tubing went awry and no alarms were activated to alert the medical staff until it was too late. The operation was a success, but the patient died.

Don’t we have systems for living? What safety measures have you taken to protect your marriage, your health, your career? Have you ever thought, “I’ve got this!” and silenced the buzzers? Too many fall off cliffs thinking they are experts.

“This one time won’t matter.” Step one in flipping off the alarms.

I once talked with a young man who is deep into drugs and alcohol. I asked him if he could remember back to the beginning. “Do you remember hesitating at all? Do you remember thinking twice?” He answered in the affirmative thinking he was above addiction…. “he had it.” Now the substances have him.

How can we protect ourselves? Thinking about long term goals and the dangers to their achievement is a good start. Understanding the principles underlying good and godly living is helpful. And of course, being part of an accountability relationship which lovingly helps you watch your steps.

I have often heard the enemy doesn’t attack us in our weaknesses, but in our strengths. He convinces us we don’t need the alarms – we are strong enough, smart enough, and spiritual enough to handle the day to day.

Keep the switches on! The alarm bells may be the difference between wise living and the way of the fool.

Brendas Blog – January 1, 2019

“I just replaced FOMO with JOMO.”

Those words caught my attention. Working with college students has given me a deeper understanding of the FOMO lifestyle. FOMO? Fear Of Missing Out. Interestingly, many of those we meet think this is a new phenomenon, specific to them. But we women of the “have it all” generation have walked this road.

We didn’t have lives “enhanced” by digital devices, but we had calendars, and day-timers which ruled. As a college student in the 60s. white space on my campus-themed organizer meant something was going on without me. Long before authors of the Experience Economy explained the success of Nordstroms and Starbucks, we embraced happenings, whether musical, political, spiritual – or all of the above. Being there and being seen was de rigueur.

Calendar pages have now flown by and that young woman has turned into a nearly 75 year old (who is still amazed at the mirror reflection of this oldish lady) who is being told missing out isn’t the end of life. Choosing wisely allows strength to be in the right place at the right time with the ability to engage and enjoy.

So, when I heard the observation about FOMO’s being replaced by JOMO, I immediately connected. JOMO? Joy Of Missing Out. Instead of focusing on the art of saying no, I can now look at all the opportunities, putting some (more and more) into the JOMO bucket. Just saying no isn’t enough. There must be a sense of knowing when and why – and then rejoicing.

Running breathlessly, filling in calendars, making appearances, and wondering where the time goes turns us into a tangle of experiences with no central theme.

I laughed at JOMO, but then realized how thankful I am for a way to describe this season. I may miss a dinner or two, certainly the latest movie, and maybe even the most current book, but it will give me time to show up for coffee with friends, trips with grandchildren, and weekend refreshments without jamming them into a schedule full of “need to go” rather than “want to go.”

Find your JOMO!

Brenda’s Blog – December 18, 2018

“What we think about when we think about God is the most important thing about us” A. W. Tozer

Each year the Christian community feels the tension between “Keep-Christ-In-Christmas” and the cacophony of holiday sounds. We try to walk the fine line between religious devotion and social emotion. This is not a harangue about Christians who celebrate a winter celebration. I give gifts to my family, but I also try to clarify my thinking, not allowing the person and work of God get pulled along in the stream of red and green.

As I look at our culture I see commercial syncretism. Seasonal greetings mesh into selling sprees. What should be our mindset and message? Who is the God of Christmas?

My younger grandsons spend hours playing with their LEGOs, the building blocks which entertain and now even create engineering solutions for physical therapy. TV ads promote these colorful bricks day after day as the perfect solution for grandchild satisfaction. “These will make happy faces on Christmas morning!”

I started thinking about what we think about when we think of God during this season. Shouldn’t our focus be on LOGOS? He became the building blocks for our salvation. Are we exchanging the true message of God’s becoming flesh – the Word incarnate LOGOS for the all-time favorite LEGOs?

Several years ago the desire to express the supremacy of Christ resulted in manger scenes with a jolly old Saint Nicholas bowing to the Christ child. The preeminence of the bearded, red and white attired character made me wonder. Is this the way we send the message of who Jesus is? Is this oversized storybook image towering over a tiny baby the rightful way to think about Bethlehem?
As we sing our songs are we replacing Hosanna! For Ho-Santa?

What we think about when we think about God truly is the most important thing about us. When we allow LEGOs to supersede the LOGOS and when our happy voices spend more time greeting each other with Ho-Ho-Ho, we are dimming our thinking. Recognizing the secular season is alright, but let’s not allow the time we allocate to the tinkle over the Trinity define how we spend these weeks.

Brenda’s Blog – December 4, 2018

“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.”

Facebook is replete with requests for love and support in the holiday season. The more celebrations gear up, the more anxiety rises. The brighter the celebration glows, the gloomier the sense of loss becomes. “I don’t know how I will get through the first year.” “I will be all alone this year.” Similar sentiments pop up as we scroll post after post.

Then we look beneath the surface of life stories and realize one principle: struggle strengthens; perseverance promotes growth. Yes, there were (and probably always will be) holidays with emotional stings. There will be a sense of loss, whether human or canine, as empty places remind us of holidays past. There will be a sadness as life in the new normal emerges.

But then we start using the pain to encourage another who enters into grief. We use the lessons learned during suffering to comfort another as they step into the process. We come along side one who is experiencing the crush of loss thinking they won’t survive to show them they will make it.

We see the sweet pictures of tiny trees shooting up through solid rock; we see flowers budding through city sidewalks – and know we are reminded to persevere… to break through the suffering and blossom. It isn’t always this poetic, is it? Sometimes the rock seems too hard and the concrete too solid. But God makes a way to trust Him in the darkness. He takes the jack hammer of grace and turns the rock of pain into the Rock of our salvation.

Those who never exercise their faith muscles end up with flabby abs. Those who seek a life with no trials are often an inch deep, with no ability to relate or connect.

So, in this season of dazzling lights, unrealistic expectations, and severe disappointments, let’s use the lumps and bumps to grow fabulous musculature… strong, tested, and true. Pain exists, but maturing into someone useful to others is worth the hurt.

Brenda’s Blog – November 20, 2018

“And their voices prevailed.” (Luke 22:23)

The trial of Jesus climaxes in these four pitiable words. Pilate wanted a reason to free Jesus and maintain his political position with the Jews, so he gave them a choice. He kept looking for the “right answer,” but the crowd kept calling out Barabbas. “And their voices prevailed.”

Such sad words, aren’t they? So easily passed over. But wait – shouldn’t we stop and think about the implications for us today?

During the holidays the sounds of Christmas carols blend in with strains of stinkin’ thinkin’ as Zig Ziglar liked to say. Truth about the incarnation and mishmash about materialism on steroids create a cacophony of voices which confuse and distract us.

Hallmark movies with 40 different ways of using the same script (and revolving actors) try valiantly to woo us into the happy ever after. In actuality, loss of relationships, jobs, hopes, and dreams create loneliness and aching.

How can we tune out the voices of “you need more,” “life is only good if you have ________________” (fill in the blank)? How can we shut out the noise of a culture which talks over, screams at, and seeks to subdue? How can the “still, quiet voice of God” break through to our spirit? How can the prevailing voices be captured and only the sounds of the sacred audible?

It is in discerning what needs to be heard and what needs to be stifled and muffled. It is in listening for the precious voice of the One who loved us so much He sent Jesus (God in the flesh) to teach us what life really means.

Thanksgiving Day gives us an opportunity to focus on voices of gratitude. Then we can shout for joy!

Brenda’s Blog – November 6, 2018

“Error message: your proximity sensor is not working.”

My go to response was “ignore it and it will go away.” Right? I got so tired of seeing the message, clicking for it to go away, and then trying to use the phone until it popped up again.

Finally, after weeks I thought… “what is a proximity sensor?” Searching for the answer I found a technical description which left me with nothing but more questions. Then I asked, “what makes a proximity sensor stop working?” Ah, ha! Helpful information at last.
“When a screen protector is incorrectly applied, the proximity sensor is deactivated.”

I immediately knew the answer – I installed a screen protector myself with no assistance. Even though it didn’t fit exactly right, it was a “close enough” job. Then the error messages began. I removed the protector and the messages disappeared.

People have proximity sensors, as well. We have what psychologists call “psychic space.” This varies from person to person and even culture to culture. We know when someone closes in and creates a social claustrophobia. We create barriers which send error messages to those who violate our space. We move, we fold our arms, we grimace – all as ways of saying, “Back off, you are making me nervous.”
How careful are you to read others well? How discerning are you when meeting new people? What do you do when the error message appears on the face of another?

Just like my phone drove me nuts when the repeating message which deterred the efficient use, we can miss the message from others who are saying, “I really want this conversation to work, but you are crowding me and creating a distraction.”

Effective communication results from well-developed skills used efficiently. The habit of reading people involves recognizing their space requirements and working within them to facilitate easy conversation.

Brenda’s Blog – October 23, 2018

“You can do it, Mimi. I believe in you!”

The cute seven year old urged his grandmother to get into the pool. She was hesitant and afraid of the water. With his sweet face smiling at her, he patiently waited for her to walk into the shallow end of the pool. AND SHE DID! Her look of accomplishment was only outshone by the thrill of her grandson.

One of the questions we ask college students at our Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute events is “Who first said ‘I believe in you.’ “You would expect these student leaders to quickly respond, wouldn’t you? But often (way too often) we hear, “No one has said that to me.”

One young man recently said, “My Dad was mean to my Mom and me. He told me I was nothing but trouble.” Another responded, “I knew I was loved but my parents never told me they believed in me.”

The positive answers are usually coach, Sunday School teacher, or grandparents.

The last thing we do as a team before leaving a school is line up as a team and ask the students to form a line. They come by; receive a handshake, and a word of encouragement or blessing. Many times this includes looking straight into their eyes and saying “I believe in you.”
Who first said “I believe in you?” Then another important question: “Who is hearing from you ‘I believe in you’?”

A woman at Jarvis Christian College came up as we left, hugged, and said, “You spoke life into us this weekend.” THAT is what motivates us to travel “on our own dime and time” to college campuses fulfilling the mission: Stretching and Blessing the Next Generation of Leaders… to the Glory of God.

“You can do it, Mimi!” AND SHE DID.