Brenda’s Blog – June 29, 2021

“Not my fault, not my fault!”

Three year old Jeff sat on the floor mumbling to himself. As I got closer I bent over to hear what he was saying: “Not my fault, not my fault!”

“Jeff, why are you saying that?” I asked. “I am practicing for when the girls (his two older sisters) blame me. As the youngest one, the girls often shifted blame to him. They ably put on innocent faces and pointed fingers at their little brother, thinking we would actually buy it!

That is a funny sibling story, but not so humorous when seen in adults. Sadly, our culture often rewards those who deftly avoid personal responsibility and slide past accountability. Mastering the art of dodging receives too much applause and too many accolades. Being slick is no longer shameful but worthy of high fives.

Let’s resolve to be people of integrity who “own up” instead of those who “double down.”

Brenda’s Blog – June 15, 2021

“Find out what you’re good at and do lots of it.”

Archie Manning, all-pro football player, and father of the Manning men of football fame is seen in a commercial reminding son Eli of this wisdom in an ad for barbeque grills.

The words have universal application, don’t they? A young woman selected as commencement speaker for her college class wrote of her career direction. “Everyone in my family were educators and all advised me to choose that major, so I did. But I just knew that wasn’t for me after a while. When I changed to digital media I found my fit and I look forward to years of developing my skills.”

She is going to certainly do lots of it!

My Dad constantly counseled people (young and old) to identify their uniqueness: their God-given design. Additionally, he advised developing strengths and bolstering weaknesses. Time and energy are valuable and fleeting resources. Wasting either on endeavors less than “what you are good at” is fruitless.

Bill Hendricks of The Giftedness Center in Dallas, Texas captures this principle succinctly and powerfully: “Focus on the called to, not the can do.” We live in a multi-tasking culture which lauds the driven. Women particularly buy into the whirling dervish lifestyle. But even brain science is now proving disjointed, distracted activities do not produce effective results. Fishing deep rather than jumping from place to place often produces a larger haul.

Identifying our uniqueness then committing to the systematic development is a worthy life goal.

Brenda’s Blog – June 1, 2021

Put away the duvets, store the flannel sheets, and turn on the fans – it has gone immediately from spring to summer. Or so we thought a week ago. Today, fires are being stoked, sweats are awakened from their hibernation, and soup sounds good! The cold rain, and the dreary 50 degree days followed 90 degree scorchers just three days ago.

What do we learn from this? Don’t move to Texas unless you are “Semper Gumby” as a friend says… translated “ever flexible!”

A majestic flag dominated the front entrance of a Dallas business until a swift wind tore it from its pole. Why? Because it was permanently affixed without any slack. When it was restored its infrastructure contained springs. I have an American flag attached to my log house. At first I nailed all four corners, but soon discovered the East Texas breezes will fight desperately to unseat any nail! So, on those days the top hangs firmly from the log, but the bottom waves patriotically.

Living with no “give” leads to disappointment and often breakage. Age and years teach willow tree wisdom….a slight bend is not only structurally sound, but much more graceful.

The Bible speaks of “stiff-necked people.” They were actually arrogant and egotistical, but they were also focused on control and having their own way. These characteristics don’t play well with a life goal of finishing well. As we learn to surrender the urge to be in charge we learn the softness of submission to God. In turn we experience the joy of more satisfactory relationships.

Tomorrow it may be sweltery again, and all the accoutrements of the cold snap will be snug in their summertime beds. But the lessons of flexibility will continue to grow us as acclimated Texans.

Brenda’s Blog – May 18, 2021

It is my custom whenever I speak to a women’s group to conclude with “the blessing” – the verses from Numbers 6: “May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord lift up His countenance upon you – and give you peace!”

After one retreat a woman came up and asked about the blessing. “Where did you get that?” “It is from Numbers 6”, I answered. “Which numbers are they?” I was stumped until realizing the book of Numbers in the Bible was unknown to her. Sharing the reference became a double blessing.

At the birth of my first grandchild I touched his head and recited these verses. It became my privilege, as each grandchild came. Watching each one learn the words, especially “peace” gave great joy. The P sound lends itself to exaggeration. Without prompting each one emphasizes it with gusto.

Hearing a grandchild join in brings tears. My prayer is for the words to imprint their hearts and minds, passing on to the next generation.

Numbers create memories, don’t they? Do you remember house address numbers? How about your childhood phone number? Numbers create opportunities for mental exercise. Some over achievers memorize drivers’ licenses, bank accounts, and credit cards. During a time of high stress I developed a personal stress test: when overwhelmed I tried to remember my Mom’s phone number. There have been times when stress has gone off the chart and I struggled to even recall my own area code. Numbers told me it was time to slow down and regroup.

An interesting Biblical project is taking your birthday and following it from Genesis to Revelation. You won’t find it in every book, but in enough to stimulate thought. These personal references open a window into truth and provide an individual approach.

Brenda’s Blog – May 4, 2021

“The things you don’t do are as important as the things you do.” – Katharine Graham

Recently I sat with friends whose interests gravitate toward “what ifs.” Reflection grows in its power to take up mental space. Where once anticipation and expectation led, looking back now rules. Musing on choices is good fodder for conversation.

Options require decisions. We say yes to one and thereby saying no to another. How we ascertain the direction is an exercise in personality, temperament, maturity, and faith. Some forks have a “no question about it” nature because the alternative is unsuitable. Others create emotional upheaval because either is appropriate.

I grew up in a faith community who strongly believed in the perfect will of God, everything else’s being permitted, but not first class. As an earnest little girl I searched diligently for that almost imperceptible, microscopic region designated the perfect will. Decision making became agonizing. The sadness of the childhood construct was the secondary belief that doing the will of God automatically meant doing something you didn’t want to do. Enjoyment was mutually exclusive with “doing the will of God.”

Then years later at a crucial crossroads I was given a book “Decision Making and the Will of God.” BOOM! The author introduced freedom. God was not a gamesman, creating mazes and delighting in frustrating me. He actually designed me with gifts, talents, and skills which helped me interpret the journey. If I had the desire to make a choice and it met the criteria of being Biblically aligned, and encouraged by Godly counsel, I could go in joy.

Have all my decisions been healthy and mature? Certainly not. Have all my decisions been growth opportunities? Yes. And, as Katharine Graham wisely observed, the doors I closed (or better yet- didn’t open) are often as large a part of my story as the ones I boldly and eagerly opened. As I age I have more data for my decision tree experience, and hopefully I say “no” to more and “yes” to fewer and the better.

Brenda’s Blog – April 20, 2021

“Stay away from the crunchy stuff.”

My daughter Heather and her husband Bob now own a lovely tritoon. After a year of learning about “Ohana” they hired a professional captain to check them out and stretch their expertise.

The two hour cruise on Lake Grapevine impressed two points on me as I luxuriated in the sun while he “schooled” them.

1) Stay away from the crunchy stuff. He pointed out trees, rocks, and underwater obstacles which could create hazardous events. He advised them to learn where the unseen dangers were which were only visible when the lake was low. Over and over he reminded them – “Stay away from the crunchy stuff.” I started thinking about my own life. There can be lots of crunchy stuff which can threaten a fruitful and mature life. If I don’t navigate well, I can run up on rocks damaging my reputation, the accomplishment of goals, and my future direction. Unseen temptations can threaten my smooth sailing. They may be only uncovered after my life’s low ebb shows them. A moral depth finder is vital for a healthy life.

2) Know the rules and etiquette, but always assume the other boaters don’t. Raising children allowed me to hear countless times, “that’s not fair.” We all know from experience and from reading Scott Peck’s classic that “Life is not fair.” On the water, just as on the highway there are clear rules for right of way, no wake observance, and distances. In my life, there are also ways to manage for positive outcomes. But for me to believe everyone else understands is naïve. Maturity means living with eyes wide open and equipping myself to flex. Rigidity results in breakage.

Captain Chris revels in the business of good boating. He teaches from the overflow because it is his passion. What is so strong in our mind and heart that we cannot help talking about it?

Brenda’s Blog – April 6, 2021

“What happens at 11:00 am on March 14th? All those who didn’t set their clocks ahead arrive for church!”

My Grandfather was an old time traditionalist. He refused to change his watch and the household clocks. For six months the entire family had to keep him on schedule so as the pastor he didn’t arrive for the benediction! “I am staying on God’s time,” he would say. Even as a child the concept that one system was more holy than another puzzled me. Since they traveled very little outside their geographical area he had no reason to justify time zones. How confused he certainly would have been. I assume Tennessee would represent God’s clock, leaving the East and West coasts to fend for themselves, wandering outside “God’s time.”

Scripture tells us we can neither add height, nor time. Elevator lift shoes and the congressional decision to enact daylight saving time are our cultural responses.

All day long people moaned and groaned about the loss of an hour. Do we ever think about how many lost hours we pile up through waste, poor choices, or neglect? I would not dare to do an assessment of my true time management. If we valued each day with such fervency as we do the Spring forward give back, we might find hidden productivity.

As I age (today is my birthday) the realization of stewardship comes sharper into focus. The big three: talent, time, and treasure are the standard measure, but each phase of life emphasizes one more than others. Right now the use of my hours (daylight extended or not) becomes a serious issue. Diminished physical strength and waning hours shine a light on the need to invest my time, not just spend it.

In Latin class we learned Tempus Fugit. Fly, it does. Whether it is man’s construct, or God’s divine plan, time is precious and demands respect.

Brenda’s Blog – March 23, 2021

“Somebody’s life will be changed because you came to work today.”

These words are posted high above the back entrance to Dave Ramsey’s company in Tennessee. Think of that impact as each employee walks to the door, preparing mentally for the day.

The words really gave me pause. Imagine working for a business committed to the value and influence of each employee. And think of the expectations of a leadership team which knows the employees walk in wanting to make a difference.

One of my favorite female business leaders was Katharine Graham who directed the Washington Post through stormy waters. When asked about enjoying life she responded, “To love what you do and, know it makes a difference, how could anything be more fun?”

Dave Ramsey and Katharine Graham were from different decades, but both shared the conviction that work is about using opportunities for the good of others. We are not here for the sole satisfaction of our ego needs; we are here to discover and use our God-given uniqueness within our social context.

Consider if we woke up and read Dave Ramsey’s words each day…we could experience the joy of using our gifts as blessing for others.

Brenda’s Blog – March 9, 2021

“If you are out of Reese’s, would that be chocolate insecure?”

An official statement declared that those who are without adequate food because of the severe snow storm and cold weather are to be known as “food insecure.” Just when I think government speak has reached the limit of pomposity someone announces out of essentials to be insecurity.

On this ninth day of snow quarantine I am thankful for adequate resources and ample food. However, my Reese’s minis went early putting me into the chocolate insecure category, longing for a handful of those delightful bites.

Our community excels in helping others. Early on three couples joined to form a purchase and delivery cohort. They knew with their 4×4 vehicles they could navigate the snow and ice, getting to the grocery and delivering needed items. Their intent was to pick up prescriptions, baby food, and basic foods. In addition they delivered meals prepared by local restaurants and offered at no cost.

It only took a short time for the requests to include beer, chips, and of course, chocolate. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one found insecure.

One resident posted of her daughter’s birthday and her inability to provide a cake. You could read her tearfulness in her pleading message. A neighborhood quickly responded offering to bake a cake if someone could pick it up and deliver it. By that afternoon a beautifully decorated chocolate cake was on the way on icy roads to enable a family to celebrate a birthday.

There is definitely no Kindness Insecurity – I live among people who see needs and eagerly respond.

Brenda’s Blog – February 23, 2021

“Now I know my ABCs, don’t you sing along with me?”

The last line of the children’s song also defines much of how we live today. We shorten “by the way” to BTW, “laugh out loud” to LOL, and otherwise crude profanities to benign letters.

A response to reduced character space on text or twitter has become a natural element in our communication style. We shortcut, we edit, and we abbreviate. There is an acronym for every major commercial, and relational exchange.

My brain is wired to unwrap these often arcane letter combinations. Way before the practice became part of the social fabric I loved to guess what letters represented. A strange mental exercise, I know.

With the invention of the telegraph, communication changed drastically. Paying per word forced people to say more with less. The florid Victorian style of writing quickly died away replaced by punchy, well-devised phrases. Newspaper headlines told stories in short bursts with emotional impact. When the American public embraced modern Madison Avenue techniques “twenty-five words or less” became the standard for prize-winning entries.

This is perhaps efficient, but I wonder about the effectiveness. Could we be losing opportunities to fully express our love for one another with just an X and O? Is it possible our connection with others is short-circuited because we have no three letter solutions to problems?

The hymnist wrote: “O, for a thousand tongues to tell of my great redeemer’s love.” Lehman’s words thrill me even after more than 7 decades of singing them: “Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made, Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade; To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry; Nor could the scroll contain the whole Though stretched from sky to sky.”

Certainly there is a time for PTL, but what about time to extol the love of God with as many words and as much emotional depth we can deliver?