Brenda’s Blog – September 20, 2022

The voice rang out: “Three Cheers for the King!” What started as a prelude to a toast has now become a familiar chant for the monarch. In that large crowd, the calls rang out! Hip, hip Hooray! Hip, hip Hooray! Hip, hip Hooray! They were expressing their approval, their encouragement, and good wishes.

This joyful noise immediately brought my friend Becky to mind. In her last weeks of completing her Doctorate of Ministry from Dallas Theological Seminary, she received a severe diagnosis of uterine cancer. She took it on as a calling, creating a vibrant support group at Dallas Baylor Hospital, speaking, putting together volumes from stories of the support group women’s journeys. Her ministry looked much different than her plan. This was not serving in a church as Women’s Minister, but working day by day in a world of women whose lives were about pain, suffering, and death.

In a speech she spoke the promise of God’s presence. She lifted up the reality of Christian faith in the darkest of times. She challenged the women to look to Jesus for meaning, security, and confidence.

As she concluded her stirring message she lifted her hands and exclaimed “Hope, Hope, Hooray! Hope, Hope, Hooray! Hope, Hope, Hooray!” Becky expressed her approval of the God who was with her, the encouragement for those who were walking the cancer road, and eternal good wishes for life with Him even when the earthly time ended.

Brenda’s Blog – September 6, 2022

“I am proud of myself for adulting today.”

My comment to my daughter made both of us laugh. At nearly 80 wouldn’t you think I had conquered all possible hindrances to maturity? But no –

Last week an allergy attack left me with puffy eyes and a most unattractive stye. Ordinarily I would ignore it. However, on Saturday I was beginning a ten month program of study with a required meeting in Dallas. A short email message tied me in knots: “The first thing will be an individual photo session for the directory. Come prepared.”

I looked in the mirror, hoping the lumpy, bumpy eyelid was now smooth. Instead, it seemed enlarged. I actually entertained thoughts of asking permission to have my photo done with sunglasses. Then, it got serious – I considered not attending.

Then I started the growing up process. First, I got up at 4:30am, drove to Dallas, took off my sunglasses, got in the photo line – and adulted!

You know what happened? I stopped thinking about myself, engaged in the lectures, discussion, and group interactions. No one drew back in sheer horror, or proposed to eliminate me from the program.

C.S. Lewis says, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.” It reminds me maturity includes developing humility and a sense of reality. Adulting is an exercise in humility.

At the end of Saturday I thought back to high school and the time I missed an important leadership conference because it was a bad hair day and I couldn’t face anybody “like that.” At least I have made progress in the intervening 60 years.

Have fun as you practice adulting and let me know how you are doing.

Brenda’s Blog – August 23, 2022

“Welcome to the future, Gram.”

My 13 year old grandson told me about his enjoyment of the TV show, Monk. “Oh, I like that show, too. I watch it when I can’t sleep because it is on from 1-4am at home.”

“Do you want to watch one with me?” “Yes, I would love that. What time is it on?”

“We stream it, and watch it whenever we want to – we don’t have to wait for it to be on a TV channel. Welcome to the future, Gram.” I laughed and laughed. I felt like he was explaining how to use a car, leaving the horse and buggy in the barn!

My Dad used to say “principles never change, just the illustrations.” It is crucial to have a timeless foundation and timely applications. When we were raising the children our way of saying it was: “give them roots and wings.”

My future-oriented grandson teaches me about bloggers, YouTube videos, and fantasy games. I can teach him about character, perseverance, and love. The ancient truths of Biblical wisdom never become obsolete. My responsibility is to stay curious about all the “what’s new” pieces of his world while enjoying the opportunity to talk about sustainable values.

The sixty-five years between us evaporates when we laugh, marvel, and learn from each other. I may be older, but am trying to avoid getting old. His exuberance oils my imagination and my eagerness for all things new. Of course, there are times when my travels around the sun allow me to see potholes, and mine fields. My challenge is to warn in a helpful way, without wagging a finger. My concern must be based on God’s wisdom and love – two everlasting tent posts.

He may introduce me to on demand Monk… great fun! And, my desire is to encourage him as he grows in knowledge, good decision-making, and the joy of following Jesus. I, too, welcome him to the future!

Brenda’s Blog – August 9, 2022

“Some of my most significant life events happened at an altar.” Jack Graham, Pastor Prestonwood Church

As I drove down the road early one morning I listened to the sermon of Jack Graham. His subject was total surrender to God’s will. I thought back over my life, recalling several key moments kneeling at an altar dedicating my life; standing before an altar pledging marital fidelity, and joining hands with family members as we said goodbye to beloved parents.

Then, in typical Brenda-fashion, I started hearing the word roll around, changing its meaning. Altar became alter. But they really are not so very unlike.

I heard a woman bemoaning additional weight the other day… ”I used to blame my dryer for shrinking my clothes, but I was wrong – it was the refrigerator’s fault.” Clothes that used to be a tad too big now hug my ample late fourth quarter body. How thankful I am for elasticized waists!

Living for nearly 80 years gives me the advantage – a robust selection of rear view mirror experiences. I can look back on moments of alteration when critical changes were made. Some shocked me while others quietly creeped up. Some were received with boundless joy while others took my breath away and threw me into a spin. But all were alterations!

And even better than that – they were altar-ations. They were brought into my life by the hand of a loving, gracious, all-powerful God. When I kneeled in recognition of His goodness my heart experienced peace preciously unknown. Peace with God and the peace of God gave me an acceptance of alterations and made each day one to practice altar-ations.

Brenda’s Blog – July 26, 2022

“Placing biscuits touching each other will increase rising when baking.”

I love Mary B frozen biscuits. As I put two in the toaster oven and looked for the baking temperature I noticed a little line titled “Tip.” The words made me smile and of course I put them cozily together on the baking pan.

Isn’t that like the Body of Christ? Isn’t our belief about the way the church works (ecclesiology) very similar to Mary B’s tip? Aren’t we to be a people who touch each other both rejoicing and weeping with each other in encouragement?

Think about family pictures you see on Facebook or you receive in Christmas letters. Some feature individuals with separate expressions and body language. Others show members with arms wrapped around shoulders, or hands touching. Don’t you enjoy seeing the interlocking ones?

As believers we are not to be a group of individualists who enjoy their personal “Jesus and me” faith. We are to be a community of faith with commonalities. We should share the hopes, cares, victories, and defeats as brothers and sisters who stand with each other.

Have you ever walked into a church service while on vacation? You are unfamiliar with anyone, yet you can detect evidence of their culture. You can take the temperature of the group right away, can’t you? We are called to lean into each other to assist the story of Jesus to rise from the building into the world. Radiating love one for another tells everyone Jesus is real – this is not just a social club; this is the gathering of those who follow the living Lord.

It isn’t easy to open our lives, but when we establish trust as “fellow biscuits,” we understand the principle of siding up to one another. When we grasp the concept of breaking the bread of life with those who don’t believe we know we want to offer a taste of truth and love in Jesus.

Let’s create a body of Christ which functions well because we eagerly touch each other’s lives.

Brenda’s Blog – July 12, 2022

“Where Big Mac?”

These words were spoken years ago by the toddler granddaughter of a well-loved neighbor. You could hear her little sentence fragment spoken in a small, inquisitive voice. “Where Big Mac?” as she ran into their house without immediately seeing him.

His recent death spurred the remembrance of a child’s comments as the pastor began his message. It was the ideal theme for a Christian memorial service. We gathered to honor a man who was a community leader, teacher, coach, family man, and truly beloved by all. His loss hit everyone for the diagnosis to death was only a span of six months.

The hope expressed by the pastor keyed off the gospel of Jesus. He assured the audience the question was answered because Coach McInturff had put his faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, son of God and son of Man. He spoke confidently of the hope of heaven because Coach had been drawn to reconciliation with Father God through belief in the Son and the work of the Spirit.

Of course, I thought of the wide-reaching impact of this question for all of us. What will be the answer for us?
Then, I thought about the broader implications of the question. Where am I in my life direction? Service to others? Relationship with my family and friends? Where am I in setting proper priorities? How about healthy habits and spiritual growth? Where am I? Where are you?

We live in chaotic times with cultural cacophony creating confusion. We are bombarded with demands, opportunities, decisions, and crises. We must clearly understand our values, our “red lines,” and our goals. When we measure our progress, it is critical to have an accurate standard. When we assess, asking “where am I?” having an idea of our direction is key.

Think about going to a strange park or shopping mall and feeling lost. Where do you go? You look for that familiar poster with the comforting words, “You are here.” You can either make adjustments because you are going in the wrong direction, or relax knowing you are right on target.

Where Big Mac? Where you? Where me? What is your answer? Make it good because it counts.

Brenda’s Blog – June 28, 2022

“You just Benjamin Buttoned me!” My friend laughed as she said this. “Do you know what I mean?” Obviously I didn’t. Yes, I knew the movie about the man who grew younger as he chronologically aged, but I didn’t get the connection.

“Old people seem to want to talk about themselves all the time, especially about their illnesses and complaints. You just asked me a question about me. I call that Benjamin Buttoning because you are not acting your age, but much younger!” I laughed and accepted the compliment from my much younger friend.

She is right – at my nearly 80 years conversations about health, the closest and best buffet, and the sad condition of the world dominate most exchanges. Long ago we forgot the art of listening, asking questions, and then listening again.

When I inquired about a Zoom class she is teaching her face lit up. I really cared about her life without seeing her as simply someone to hear my stories and receive my “gathered over the years wisdom.” A lesson was learned in those two hours we spent together. Whether you are forty, sixty, or eighty you want to be heard.

My youngest grandchild once looked at me during a visit and said quite seriously, “Are you listening to me?” How easy it is to put on a face that looks like attention while the mind wanders away. Children quickly learn what true listening looks like. Yes, eyes and ears are a powerful combination.

I don’t want to be a crotchety old woman complaining about my aching back, my lactose intolerance, or certainly not my occasional incontinence. Young ones will discover those on their own soon enough. I want to ask questions that uncover their hopes, dreams, fears, and concerns. Only if I cede my talking time to them will I ever have the privilege of knowing what they are thinking.

When you live alone you have thousands of rolled over words to use. It is tempting to spend the bulk of them posing as a “wisdom figure.” Aging sadly allows “diarrhea of the mouth” which discourages others from engaging us socially. Haven’t we all heard, “Don’t sit down with her – she just talks about herself constantly.”

Be a Benjamin Buttons who gets younger, more curious, more interactive, and certainly more attentive to others even as the calendar says he should settle into old age. My Dad was known for saying, “I have to get older, but I don’t have to get old.” Neither do we!

Brenda’s Blog – June 14, 2022

Driving to church I prayed as usual for a family member who is in the “far country.” I asked, “Could this be the day?” I had a specific outcome in mind, but then I paused and thought how many times and how many people could ask that same question.

Could this be the day: Marriages are healed; Families are restored; Health returns; Hearts are reformed; Hope is reignited; Courage is displayed; Truth is proclaimed.

Then I thought of even more crucial ones. Could this be the day Jesus returns; America repents and turns back to God; or the Gospel is preached in power with men and women responding and lives are changed.

What would you answer if you asked “could this be the day?” There certainly are some nitty gritty ones like solving work problems, finding gas or baby formula, affording housing, and receiving a long awaited job offer.

Today is the gift of God. We are offered the opportunity to express our giftedness, our hopefulness, and our receptivity to life’s broad experiences. Each one may not be stellar, but each one is sacred. And as we awaken we can sincerely ask “Could this be the day?” confident that God knows – YAY!

Brenda’s Blog – May 31, 2022

“Leaders ask the right questions.”

My friend Bob Tiede comes armed with questions whether it is a high level leadership meeting or a birthday greeting on Facebook. His website (www.leadingwithquestions.com)and books highlight the highly developed skill of questioning.

My Dad mastered questioning knowing it was both art and science. Knowing how powerfully he used queries I asked him to coach me in this leadership strategy. “Brenda, it is simple. You ask a question the person wants to answer.” That was the science part of the equation. “Dad, how do you know what question they want to answer?” “You just do –” THAT is the art. He gave me illustrations of experiences with people when his ability to discern opened up conversations, moved problems to solutions, and deepened relationships.

Dad’s listening talents were part of his genius. He read between the lines, asked questions which enlightened, waited for light bulbs to go off, and accomplished his life goal of stretching others. He analyzed the listening process then utilized the steps as he interacted with others. His ability to read body language, assess emotional condition, and determine basic assumptions allowed him to be an interpersonal Sherlock Holmes. He listened to the words, but watched for nonverbal clues.

What are your favorite questions 1) when you are initially introduced to someone? 2) during a difficult, highly emotional situation? 3) when you are encouraging a colleague or family member?

Bob Tiede’s library of authored books includes questions Jesus asked and the latest one features questions asked by Paul. I highly recommend checking out his volumes – and growing in your effective use of questions.

Finally, 1) what is exciting you right now? 2) what can you do today to forward your life mission? 3) who models this leadership skill?

Brenda’s Blog – May 17, 2022

“The car is in the house – the car is in the house!”

The message from my Mom set off alarm bells. What could she possibly mean? Her advancing Parkinson’s Disease caused minor confusion, but nothing like this.

I talked with my Dad and agreed to meet him at home. Arriving before him I walked in to see my sweet Mom sitting in a chair slightly dazed and crying. And much to my surprise her car was sitting squarely in the breakfast room nestled up against the kitchen counter. The car was indeed in the house!

To her dying day she insisted the car malfunctioned, sending her through the garage wall, through the very sizeable built in cabinet holding favorite crystal pieces and other sentimental breakables. The car was stopped by the heavy breakfast room table – thankfully. At nearly 75 she climbed out through the window, onto the table, and then down to the floor to reach the telephone.

The tow truck removed her very injured car and the process of piecing the story together began. There were no pointed fingers, just grateful hugs and prayers of thankfulness. Rather than replace the vehicle Dad acceded to Mom’s wishes and had it fully repaired and restored to health. But even though Mom never drove it again, it stayed with them until her death 14 years later.

What really happened? The insurance adjuster’s decision was simple: as she pulled into the garage she hit the accelerator instead of the brake. She picked up speed and drove headlong into the house… the car was in the house!

You may certainly have not experienced a shock like my Mom did, but can you think about a time when you hit the accelerator rather than the brake? How about decisions made in haste? What about purchases made under pressure? Or, words spoken in anger when a quiet, braking pause would have better served?

We can learn from Mary Alice Smith before our relational, emotional, and spiritual cars come crashing through a wall never intended for breaching.