“You have 13 dead trees which need to come down.”

Brenda’s Blog – July 21, 2014

The drought in the last few years has taken a drastic toll on our tall pine trees. They are reduced to skinny, naked sticks threatening our houses. So, this week a baker’s dozen came down with loud thumps. There were times when I thought the ground would surely crack with the impact. My house literally shook as the closest ones plummeted ungracefully.

Now, I look at my front yard with gaping holes and strangely miss even the damaged trunks and branches. I had gotten so used to seeing them, I hardly recognized them as dead — they were just part of the landscape. I knew they were a danger, but they weren’t uncomfortable or bothersome.

Our bad habits are much like these diseased trees. We get used to their dead weight on our souls and lives. We give them space and make room for them, even knowing they threaten our health. We look past them, rationalizing their presence and promising one day to rid ourselves of them. But like my trees, the cost of removal always seems too high.

Good habits can be cultivated in 30 days we are told. Bad habits can be eliminated, but it takes way more than a month. There were days when I told myself the trees would probably fall down on their own in a wind storm. Foolish, fantasy thinking. When we vow to rid ourselves of destructive behavior, we can fall into this same thought pattern… thinking it will go away on its own without effort, sacrifice, and pain.

Recognizing and acknowledging the bad habit is step one. Admitting to myself the trees had to go was the beginning. Finding someone to do the job well was next. Having friends in our lives who will help us as we determine to create healthy space by cutting out the dead wood is critical. I needed a man who knew what he was doing and would follow through with integrity. We need friends who are wise counselors with courageous and loving spirits.

George stayed with the job until all the trees were down and the mess was cleaned up. I still hate the holes, but I know I am a better neighbor because I don’t “ugly up” the street. I will learn to see my yard as it is now and be grateful. When we cull out our bad habits, we will miss them for awhile (maybe a long time), but with the help of others and God, we can see life more clearly and make room for more sunshine.

Enemies of the Good

Weekly Thought – July 29, 2014

Fred’s gift of discernment enabled him to understand people. When analyzing situations, he said he “looked for the ego.” In writing on perseverance he identified an unhealthy ego and boredom as two enemies of endurance. He considered boredom unimaginable to the fertile mind.

In September, we will begin a year long Centennial Celebration culminating in a 100th birthday event in 2015, recognizing Fred’s anniversary. During the year we will focus on highlights of his life. Please share your “how Fred stretched me” thoughts with us.

Enemies of the Good

Where are we deriving our ego satisfaction? Where are we deriving our ego satisfaction? Do we seek gratification from others or practice dedication to the betterment of others?

It is key to understand ego is intrinsic to our human nature. We do not strive to empty ourselves, but we seek to have the proper perspective which leads to a healthy ego. Difficult times can war against us, leaving us wounded. Loss often detaches us from our healthy ego and makes us feel rootless. The challenge is to find a healthy alternative.

In tough times, we quickly identify our ego centers. Our child is involved in illegal activities, our spouse is jailed for fraudulent business practices, we lose our prestigious job and social standing, or a friend betrays us… we quickly must find the foundation of our true identity. (more…)

Down, but not Out

Weekly Thought – July 22, 2014

Fred spent over seven years on dialysis. One of the common side effects is depression. Cancer patients often experience “chemo brain.” Dialysis produces a similar fuzziness and susceptibility to blue days. Never one to deny reality, Fred acknowledged these down periods, but fought hard to discipline his thinking and manage his situation.

Please continue to pray for BWFLI as we establish the schedule for 2015. Thank you for supporting us as we “stretch and bless the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” Thank you to those who have expressed interest in our multigenerational conversations. Further details will follow this fall.

Down, but not Out

Research shows a young man today is ten times more likely to be depressed than his father, and twenty times more than his grandfather. The artificial measures we put on our lives contribute greatly to this condition. Our faulty, “have it all” definition of success creates an atmosphere ripe for depression.

Our generation of materialism leads to degeneration.

The greatest defense against depression is gratitude – or so I have found. I once spoke to an audience with a severely disabled young man sitting on the front row. His attentiveness and response drew me to him. Afterwards he stayed to speak. When I asked about his physical condition he said, “Mr. Smith, I have a handicap; the handicap doesn’t have me.” (more…)

Danger, Danger Will Robinson!

blog-22-danger-will-robinson Brenda’s Blog – July 22, 2014

“Automobile Assist: Driver Drowsiness Has Been Detected.” My friend’s car actually tattles on her. If she moves too quickly into an occupied lane, red lights flash, and buzzers beep; if she moves upon the car ahead, the brakes activate; and if she appears to lose full attention, a cute coffee cup icon pops onto the screen.

The amenity package in this luxury car amazes me. But the amenity package of a premium friendship is just as stunning.

Have you ever found yourself dozing off in life and weaving from lane to lane? Have you ever closed in on an object in your career path threatening a crash? What about people who travel in your blind spots? Don’t you wish you had driver assists?

Too often we see friends who are “cruising for a bruising,” yet we avert our eyes and hearts because we don’t want to be intrusive. Actually, I think we fail to flash warning signals because the messiness of involvement is distasteful.

Don’t trusted colleagues make observations about career limiting moves? Don’t dear friends take the risk to share firsthand experiences of seeing spouses or children driving in the wrong lanes? Don’t ministry partners mention dozing off in the work of the Master?

When we bravely and appropriately issue our alerts, we do it with wisdom and gentleness. If my friend’s cars were to scream at her, she would undoubtedly overreact, overcorrect, and overdo. The helpfulness of warning would turn into dire destruction. The engineers designed a system for optimum effectiveness.

Conversely, if the car’s program merely sent happy talk messages, the beeps, buzzes, and flashes would go unheeded and ignored in times of trouble. It is tempting to pour out nonstop “attagirls/attaboys,” ignoring red flags in the lives of others.

Proverbs 26:7 puts it this way: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.”

Good friends understand how, when, and most importantly why to share these warnings. Good leaders exercise discernment and strengthen their organizations with appropriate Will Robinson management.

Overcoming, not Overwhelming

Weekly Thought – July 15, 2014

Fred believed we have much to learn from our enemies. He also believed we are known by not only the friends, but also our enemies. He also believed in external and internal opposition. “Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.”

Please pray for BWFLI as we establish the campus schedule for the next two years. We look forward to seeing where the Lord takes the teams of leading men and women.

Overcoming, not Overwhelming

Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan tells the story of Christian and his trek to the Celestial City. Along the way are the City of Delight and the Valley of Despair. He starts on his way, determined to persevere, but the enemies actively pursue him. Successful perseverance comes by overcoming the enemies cleverly disguised, and customized to fit each traveler and each situation.

Many of our obstacles may be external, but the most serious are generally internal. When I was a director of the S.H Kress Company, I visited the stores and asked the manager about his problems. If he described them as externally driven, I doubted his managerial capabilities. If he discussed the internal problems, I knew we had a manager with potential for progress. This manager defined situations he could do something about. Certainly, there were external threats, but most were out of his control.

Each step of the perseverance process comes back to building good mental disciplines. Fighting the enemies of endurance requires good habits. Start with a reflex, and then train it into a habit. Habits are our friends. (more…)

Road Work Ahead

Brenda’s Blog – July 8, 2014

The Eisenhower Interstate System is under reconstruction – constantly and coast to coast.

The brilliance of a blacktop ribbon of road stretching across our country is a 1950s phenomenon. Connection, commerce, and communication resulted from the stream of autos flowing nationwide. I am a beneficiary of the cooperation between Detroit and DC.

But, on long days of travel the frequent (though friendly) signage which tells me forward progress is going to slow down draws a sigh. When I program my GPS at the outset, there is no provision for “Expect delays… road work ahead.” My GPS commentator doesn’t anticipate the young workers who turn from “Slow” to “Stop” just as I approach.

In our spiritual life we experience similar halts. Our God is constantly working on us to conform and transform. “Road work ahead” signs are a part of the normal, Christian life. In college, we felt “cool,” writing PBPGIFWMY… it was our own code. “Please Be Patient, God Isn’t Finished With Me Yet.” Sometimes it was a cover-up for immaturity; other times, it was a recognition of God’ powerful covering.

It was true then – and still is. God’s road crews are always at work – and we are the focus.

What have I learned about road work?

1) It is never convenient. It delays, it distracts, and it discomforts. God’s time isn’t ours – we are repaved at His good pleasure.

2) It isn’t optional. I can get off the highway and choose to travel another way, but I don’t have the choice of shutting down their work. I can fret under the hand of a good God who is working, but I cannot avoid His plan for me.

3) It is for the ultimate good, including mine. Wider lanes, refilled pot holes, straightened curves – all make travel safer. As I grow in faith, my usefulness to the community of faith increases. As He smoothes my rough spots, I can better serve Him.

4) It tests my attitude. When 75 mph changes to 45, I check my obedience quotient. How quickly do I react? How readily do I get into line? And, how kindly do I let others into line who thought they could “beat the system” by sneaking up on the inside? How eager am I to “give thanks in all things?”

5) It gives me food for thought. Dad said, “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” Road work certainly qualifies. When a road sign triggers a blog – that is a good thing. When reconstruction in my life gives me pause for reflection, it is productive. Seeing God’s hand in every circumstance gives life a lilt and a fullness that makes me smile.

Think Right

Weekly Thought – July 8, 2014

Fred had a power phrase that became well-known in the 1950s… “there’s magic in believing if you don’t believe in magic.” He practiced PMA – positive mental attitude, but not before building a foundation on SMD – Strong mental discipline.

How many millennials do you know? Are you interested in helping the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute begin intergenerational conversations? Let us know by sending us a message on our Contact Us page.

Think Right

Some people say perseverance is what you do while you wait for the hearse; others say it is what you do while waiting for the bandwagon. I am a realist – I am not a sugary sweet Pollyanna. If you doubt this, just ask my family or some of the negotiators on the other side of the table. I have no mental category for escapism. But, I do know I can choose between positive and negative thoughts and behaviors.

The great reformer Martin Luther was known to battle depression. One morning his wife came down dressed in black, wearing a mourner’s veil. Her surprised husband asked, “Who is dead?” She somberly replied, “God, from the way you are acting.” He taught us about grace; she instructed him in gratitude. (more…)

Never Panic

Weekly Thought – July 1, 2014

Fred loved watermelon! After he went on dialysis he reduced his fluid intake dramatically. But summertime watermelons were his nemesis. A dear friend, Ed Yates, figured out how to make watermelon pie which delighted Fred. Ed once said, “Put enough whipped cream on anything and it tastes great.” Each July 4th Fred remembered his days of chicken and watermelon eating contests.

On this holiday week, we celebrate the freedom to practice our faith. At the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute, we gratefully acknowledge the privilege to connect with Christian colleges and universities.

Never Panic

Since childhood I have been interested in automobile racing. I am fascinated by the driver’s ability to hit the wall and yet steer his car through the traffic into the infield. He doesn’t quit unless he is unconscious. He fights to minimize the loss and avoid deadly pileups. Panic means giving in to the circumstances and giving up all control. The racer’s rule: keep as much control as possible.

We handle the urge to panic differently. 1) Some are hysterical; explode like a Roman candle, going all to pieces with their hands in the air, mouths wide open, and eyes tightly shut. 2) Others deny loss and assume the ostrich position. The downside of this stance: those who put their heads in the sand leave an awful lot of backside exposed. And, people love to kick it. 3) Fatalists placidly surrender to the circumstances, like my friend who convinced himself plane crashes come in threes. When one occurred, he waited for the next two before flying again. He created a fatalistic formula that controlled his life.

May I give you a word or two on fatalism? Sadly, there are those who believe you can’t get comfortable with good things because bad quickly and certainly follows. They see life as a set of scales which balance between triumph and tragedy. The illogical extension of this thinking is the warped view that God is poised in vindictive mode, poised for the scales to tip to the “gotcha” side. (more…)

Fix It or Feature It

Brenda’s Blog – June 24, 2014

“Tower View Baptist Church” read the sign. As I drove along the highway all I could see was the over-sized water tower which dwarfed the small, wooden building sitting in its shadow. The sign grabbed my attention and I paused to study the situation.

Then I started laughing. Years ago a dear friend told me, “If you can’t fix it, feature it!” Some very wise people in the congregation had a marvelous sense of humor. They couldn’t move the tower, but they could make lemonade out of lemons.

There have been water towers looming over me in my life. I did nothing but complain. How much more productive to laugh! Laughter is life’s lubricant. When I get too serious, the gears create friction and make a grating sound in my soul.

A commercial running on TV features a disabled veteran who has only one hand. Rather than wallowing in grief and loss, he becomes the star in a house cleaning tools ad. He features what he couldn’t fix. Joni Eareckson Tada’s injuries as a teenager left her a quadriplegic. She refused to be overcome and now leads an international ministry serving other disabled children and adults.

My Dad used to tell me, “Always distinguish between a problem and a fact of life. A problem is something you can solve, so work on it; a fact of life is a given so don’t waste time on answers, just accept it.”

When life throws water towers at me, I hope to remember the Tower View Baptist Church, make myself a very large sign, and smile.

The Benefit of Failure

Weekly Thought – June 24, 2014

Fred and Mary Alice were married 67 years. Their life together began on June 25, 1937. They rented a room from an older woman and lived there saving money and setting their course. They never lived beyond their means, always choosing to save half their income. Their family has grown to 3 adult children, 2 dear in-laws, 6 grandchildren, and 13 great grandchildren. We remember this marriage with gratitude.

Would you like to be part of a discussion group centered around Leading with Integrity? It would be a 4-5 week commitment using either teleconference or skype formats. If so, please contact us via the Breakfast With Fred group on Facebook, the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute page on Facebook or emailing brenda@breakfastwithfred.com

The Benefit of Failure

Every multi-millionaire I know has suffered failure. Mike Todd, the movie mogul, was once asked if he had ever been poor. “No, but I have been broke two or three times.” Broke was a temporary financial condition; poor was a mental condition. Most of America’s poverty cannot be solved by throwing money at it. We are distressed by poverty of the spirit, not just the pocketbook.

Financial reversals often impact self-image, and the desire to accomplish. In reflecting on my upbringing, the thought struck me – we didn’t know we were as poor as we were. Our family focused on the art of living, not the standard of living. (more…)

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