Keep It Alive

Weekly Thought – September 9, 2014

Fred believed a healthy person cultivated friendships with younger people, so aging didn’t rob of all relationships. He also understood the natural life cycle required an active involvement in managing the process. An article for Leadership Journal carried the title, “Old but not Older.” That was Fred!

Keep It Alive

Aging is a prime example of redefining achievement – the phrase I use to describe the process of refocusing energies to avoid falling into the pit during pits or plateaus.

Erik Erikson, the prominent 20th century psychologist and psychoanalyst, created the phrase “identity crisis.” His work centered on the wholeness of the human being. His remarks about aging have been most helpful to me. He counseled others to move the deterioration to the periphery as they aged.

In other words, the core of who we are never changes. The things we can no longer do are moved to the outside of our life and don’t define us. Let me give you a personal example. My physical condition changed my schedule, severely reducing my travel. This transition could have caused great stress. I could have moaned and groaned, but I took Erikson’s advice. I looked at my gifts and created other venues for making a contribution like teleconferences, personal visits by others to my home, a website, and local speeches.

I like to say “service is the rent I pay for occupying space on earth.” As I age, these alternative ways to experience achievement and productivity help me keep my rent paid up.

The loss of mobility, agility, ability, and responsibility are tough. No one wants to surrender their independence. I made a choice and adopted the attitude “Delightfully dependent.” I moved the deterioration to the perimeter. (more…)

Redefine Achievement

Weekly Thought -September 2, 2014

Fred considered his ability to think one of his gifts. His abundant notes scribbled on everything from matchbooks to church offering envelopes supported this belief. Recently a spiral notebook was uncovered containing outlines for Sunday School lessons at Park Cities Baptist Church in Dallas, a school board, and other speaking venues. One section outlined four months of thoughts. For each day a one line subject is assigned. His goal was to devote thinking time each time to an independent concept. The breadth of these musings is amazing. For example, Jazz versus classical music, family values, or marks of mentoring. There is no text – just the notation.

Thank you for praying as we strive to share the fruit of his thinking with others. We appreciate your prayers, your emails, and your financial support.

Redefine Achievement

A noted organizational development expert recommends to his clients they segment their lives into business units. He tells them to see themselves as CEO with each area a corporate division. In this model, they have direct reports for the physical, financial, spiritual, relational, career, and intellectual division of their company. Quarterly reports are required. It is great if all divisions are profitable, but when they aren’t, strategic plans are developed to ensure a healthy bottom line. For example, when a report is submitted showing a 10 pound “overage,” the physical division is running in the red. A plan for weight loss is immediately put in place. The other divisions with positive results get the “attaboys.”

When the career division is deficient, we often think the game is over. But another way to look at this is to look for accomplishment in the other areas. I call this reattaching our egos. During rough, dark times our egos take a beating. It is critical to control our egos during these seasons. (more…)

Walking in the Light

blog-25-walking-in-light Brenda’s Blog – September 2, 2014

“Will, it is really dark down here.” “Emma, the longer you are down here the lighter it gets.”

This exchange between two of my grandchildren as we climbed down into the basement struck me. Isn’t that true of life, as well?

I think of the times when I stepped into the dark places through bad choices and failed to flee. The longer I stayed, the less the darkness bothered me. Indeed, as Will said, “it gets lighter.”

A friend’s TV broke and for months he just didn’t watch. Eventually, he replaced it and began viewing again. He told me the shock was palpable. He had become numb to the objectionable material; he had immunized himself against the seduction of the scenarios. In seven months he had detoxed and now the impact was powerful.

The pull of the darkness is strong. Web pages measure “stickiness,” meaning how long people stay. Bad decisions can draw us into a quagmire which envelopes us. Finding a way back to the light demands intentional action and positive resolve.

As children we sang a little song with the words, “Be careful little eyes what you see….” The verses continue with ears and hands. The rest of the chorus says, “For the Father up above is looking down in love.” We have a heavenly Father who wants us to live in the truth Light. He makes a way of escape.

Wise leaders constantly monitor their light meters. Adjusting to the dark is a poor substitute for adequate lighting. We do our best work in bright environments.

Overcoming Loss

Weekly Thought – August 26, 2014

Fred constantly looked for ways to make forward progress. The identification of problems and growth areas began the process. Defining solutions had to follow to avoid falling into negative patterns. When he spoke about the loss of confidence and relationships as the basis for pain, he immediately followed up with suggestions for recovery.

The Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute has taken teams to 10 Christian institutions. Nearly 70 men and women have contributed to these leadership blitzes focused on “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Overcoming Loss

How can you persevere through professional and personal loss? Here are three ideas which have worked for me. See if they strike a chord with you.

1) Build new support systems

Unless we can recognize the difference between business associates and genuine friends we will be disappointed and hardened when things change. One man going through a serious financial downturn wisely listed his friends who would not be affected by his money failures. He and his wife concentrated on spending their time with those on their “authentic” list. We should be mature enough to avoid disillusionment when social relationships grow cold as mutual benefits decrease.

2) Stay in the loop

Keep up contacts and activities even when enduring difficult times. You might have to alter your social habits because you don’t have the discretionary income for golf, the expense account for pricey lunches, or exotic vacations, but you can creatively stay in touch. I find writing letters, sending clippings, making phone calls, and looking for local opportunities keep my mind active and the energy up. My physical incapacity eliminates many of the ways I connected with business and personal contacts. Finding alternative methods is essential and actually mentally challenging. The temptation to draw back during setbacks is damaging. My Mother used to say, “This, too, shall pass.” Cutting off relationships during low periods endangers the eventual comeback. (more…)

Going Somewhere

Brenda’s Blog – August 19, 2014

“When Mama put on her lipstick, it meant we was going to town.”

The friendly woman told me of her rural upbringing as we visited before I spoke for her church group. She said most of their time was spent on the farm with a no-frills, no-nonsense lifestyle. We both laughed as she told me of her Mom’s clue. They all hustled to get going because they knew Mom was “on the ready.”

What signals do we send? In Glenn Beck’s book The Overton Window he described a young employee who glanced at her watch during her powerful employer’s remarks. When the boss stared at her, the room saw what time it really was… “time for her to find another job, in another city, in another industry.” His wordless look spoke loudly and clearly.

Years ago I went to hear Elizabeth Elliott speak in Dallas. My Mom attended with a friend. As I walked into the room, I saw her far across the aisles. Quickly I read her lips: “That’s Brenda!” Her smile told me of her love and gladness in seeing me. I often replay that scene and remember the sense of acceptance I felt.

At a formal dinner, I sat with two executives who questioned the choice of the new CEO. They bowed and scraped in his presence, but during his speech they caught each other’s gaze and exchanged rolled eyes. Those weren’t just clues – those were red flags. Not surprisingly, they were urged to pursue other career opportunities within the next year.

How clear are our actions? Do we confuse colleagues or family members by mismatched walk and talk patterns? Do we enable friends or associates to confidently and accurately read us? Is it possible to hinder communication with muddy messages?

How well I remember the decibel game with the children. They had an uncanny ability to know exactly when I hit the sound level they read as, “She means it this time!” Ratcheting up until obedience is inefficient.

Consultants cash big checks garnered by training others to read body language, word usage, and breathing patterns. They know how to play the game of Clue for People!

We all use the unspoken as shorthand. Let’s make sure it is consistent with our intentions and effective in its outcome. When we put on our lipstick, let’s be certain all those around us know we are going to town.

Positively Painful

Weekly Thought – August 19, 2014

Fred wrapped up his earthly assignment on August 17, 2007 at 9:15am. His life was devoted to faithfully stewarding his gifts for the benefit of others. His thinking on perseverance enabled many to navigate choppy waters. This week’s email is an excerpt from a Sunday School lesson for Highland Park Presbyterian Church. He talked about the pain of progress.

On September 12 and 13, 2015 we will celebrate the 100th anniversary of Fred’s birth. We will be sharing his impact on others. If you wish to participate, please email us answering the question: “How did Fred stretch you?”

Thank you for supporting us in prayer, encouragement, and financial assistance.

Positively Painful

Plan for pain – it will come. Don’t be shocked; don’t be thrown off course. James tells us, “Don’t be surprised when various trials come.” A well-conceived plan makes us ready for action.

In my experience, one of the primary causes of pain is loss. Here are two of the most prominent:

1) Confidence – An officer of a failed corporation sat at breakfast and told me he was a phony. “I didn’t have the capability everyone credited to me.” I stopped him saying, “I wouldn’t sit and listen to anyone else lie about you, so I won’t let you do it, either.” That is exactly what he was doing. He lost his confidence, but not his ability. I have a sign in my office to remind me: “You haven’t failed – only your plans have.”

Having an objective view of the experience allows us to accurately assess our situation. In doing this, we operate from the current reality, allowing us to make solid judgments. A totally subjective approach results in withdrawal or the cockiness of false confidence. (more…)

Plan for Pain

Weekly Thought – August 12, 2014

Fred once read that root canals without anesthetic were a form of WWII torture. When his dentist told him one was in his future, he decided to see if he could have endured the pain. SO, he did it without anesthetic! He made it, giving the dentist one of those “let me tell you about my crazy patient” stories. Fred recalled the experience, telling others it only took his nervous system six months to recover.

Plan for Pain

Bob Richards, former Olympic gold medalist, and I lectured together. I listened in as he interviewed other Olympians. “What do you do when you hurt?” Each one of them had a specific routine for the painful times. I was curious and asked him later, “Why did you ask that?” Quickly, he replied, “No one wins the gold without hurting.” They expected it and planned for it. It was part of the perseverance plan on the road to the victory stand.

Marathoners anticipate “hitting the wall.” A business associate began running 26+ mile races in his 50th year. His first one was at White Rock Lake in Dallas. The runners call it “Running the Rock,” and know exactly where they will experience the great depletion of mental and physical energy. As he ran it year after year, he knew the mile marker and trained to break through it.

Our daughter, Brenda, entertained her young grandson, Andrew at a play area. She watched him try over and over to climb atop the tree-like molded plastic form. He slipped, fell, bruised his knees, but kept going after it. She decided he had tried enough, and suggested they play somewhere else. He looked her square in the eye as he hung a few feet from the top. “Gram, do you know what a champion is? Until I get to the top I won’t be a champion.” He knew the pain of perseverance and the cost of championship.

My friend Robert Schuller often said on national TV, “no pain, no gain.” That’s true, but without genuine perseverance there can be pain with no gain. I am interested in your gain, and I want you to plan for pain as you develop. (more…)

Flawed Thinking

Weekly Thought – August 5, 2014

Fred took a dim view of superstition, religious or secular. “There is magic in believing if you don’t believe in magic” was his pithy summary. He held to a God of process who didn’t arbitrarily operate within a manmade system of blessings and curses.

Thank you for praying for the BWF Project. Each week’s email is an excerpt from Fred’s writing and thinking designed to strengthen and encourage you in your daily living. Thank you for supporting us and sharing these thoughts with others.

Flawed Thinking

Have you ever met anyone who thought the good and bad in their lives was a direct result of their present relationship with God? This is superstition, not spirituality. They have a misunderstanding of grace and works. It is God who saves and sustains. We cannot jump high enough to impress God.

Many times immature believers think they control the outcomes of their lives by being “God’s pet.” They are surprised to find He doesn’t raised spoiled brats! They claim during good times God is blessing them, but during bad times they are being disciplined. This is more superstition than faith.

Often they take the next illogical, unbiblical step and believe an abundance of good works will break the chain of bad. This is not what Scripture teaches.

The laws of nature and life apply to us all. The last time I looked, the rain still falls on the just and the unjust. When we attribute our situations to God’s favor or disfavor, we view the solutions unrealistically.

We toss off, “God is blessing me” too flippantly. Rarely do I hear someone say this when undergoing financial, health, or relational difficulties. This shows an immature understanding of God’s working in our lives and in our world. We highly value comfort and convenience and praise God when we experience ease. God has a bigger, better plan that serves to bring Him glory. (more…)

“You have 13 dead trees which need to come down.”

Brenda’s Blog – July 21, 2014

The drought in the last few years has taken a drastic toll on our tall pine trees. They are reduced to skinny, naked sticks threatening our houses. So, this week a baker’s dozen came down with loud thumps. There were times when I thought the ground would surely crack with the impact. My house literally shook as the closest ones plummeted ungracefully.

Now, I look at my front yard with gaping holes and strangely miss even the damaged trunks and branches. I had gotten so used to seeing them, I hardly recognized them as dead — they were just part of the landscape. I knew they were a danger, but they weren’t uncomfortable or bothersome.

Our bad habits are much like these diseased trees. We get used to their dead weight on our souls and lives. We give them space and make room for them, even knowing they threaten our health. We look past them, rationalizing their presence and promising one day to rid ourselves of them. But like my trees, the cost of removal always seems too high.

Good habits can be cultivated in 30 days we are told. Bad habits can be eliminated, but it takes way more than a month. There were days when I told myself the trees would probably fall down on their own in a wind storm. Foolish, fantasy thinking. When we vow to rid ourselves of destructive behavior, we can fall into this same thought pattern… thinking it will go away on its own without effort, sacrifice, and pain.

Recognizing and acknowledging the bad habit is step one. Admitting to myself the trees had to go was the beginning. Finding someone to do the job well was next. Having friends in our lives who will help us as we determine to create healthy space by cutting out the dead wood is critical. I needed a man who knew what he was doing and would follow through with integrity. We need friends who are wise counselors with courageous and loving spirits.

George stayed with the job until all the trees were down and the mess was cleaned up. I still hate the holes, but I know I am a better neighbor because I don’t “ugly up” the street. I will learn to see my yard as it is now and be grateful. When we cull out our bad habits, we will miss them for awhile (maybe a long time), but with the help of others and God, we can see life more clearly and make room for more sunshine.

Enemies of the Good

Weekly Thought – July 29, 2014

Fred’s gift of discernment enabled him to understand people. When analyzing situations, he said he “looked for the ego.” In writing on perseverance he identified an unhealthy ego and boredom as two enemies of endurance. He considered boredom unimaginable to the fertile mind.

In September, we will begin a year long Centennial Celebration culminating in a 100th birthday event in 2015, recognizing Fred’s anniversary. During the year we will focus on highlights of his life. Please share your “how Fred stretched me” thoughts with us.

Enemies of the Good

Where are we deriving our ego satisfaction? Where are we deriving our ego satisfaction? Do we seek gratification from others or practice dedication to the betterment of others?

It is key to understand ego is intrinsic to our human nature. We do not strive to empty ourselves, but we seek to have the proper perspective which leads to a healthy ego. Difficult times can war against us, leaving us wounded. Loss often detaches us from our healthy ego and makes us feel rootless. The challenge is to find a healthy alternative.

In tough times, we quickly identify our ego centers. Our child is involved in illegal activities, our spouse is jailed for fraudulent business practices, we lose our prestigious job and social standing, or a friend betrays us… we quickly must find the foundation of our true identity. (more…)

«‹85 86 87 88 89 ›»