Helping Hand

blog-50-helping-hand

Brenda’s Blog – August 25, 2015

“Here, son, let me help.”

Our community pool requires a shower before entering. The apparatus to start the water flow is quite hard to push.

The other day I watched with interest as a strong-willed young one reached up to depress the button, but without much success. Quietly, his father walked over, offered help, and then placed his large hand lightly over his son’s. Together they showered.

It hit me how many times we can either be the giver or receiver of help. But too many times we either stubbornly refuse, or fail to acknowledge the need. Seeing the partnership between father and son reminded me how important community is – for organizations, families, friendships, and faith.

And sometimes those “showers of blessing” we desire come after we work together combining strengths. One man (or woman) bands are comical and enjoyable, to a point. But no one expects great music from them. Amidst the clanging, yapping, and tooting, melodies do arise, but seldom would you confuse them for a symphony orchestra!

When we are assigned a task, or volunteer for a job, we must keep our options open for enlisting aid and assistance. Often the accomplishment occurs because someone graciously says, “Here, son (daughter), let me help.”

And on the other hand, we must always be aware of situations which would benefit from an offer of help – without creating an overbearing atmosphere of criticism. Discerning the right time and the right word is the key to effective relationships and leadership. The advancement of aid should never be seen as a statement of the other’s ineptitude.

Community is the interweaving of many hands to accomplish one purpose.

Get It Done People – Part Two

Weekly Thought – August 25, 2015

Fred’s interest in those who pursued their gifts motivated much of his thinking. In part of two of “Get It Done People” he continues his thinking about high impact living.

Gratitude was one of Fred’s favorite emotions. He practiced it regularly. And for you we are most grateful. Thank you for your encouragement and consistent support.

Get It Done People – Part Two

High Impact People:

11) Capture the concept of plateauing – they understand the process of growing, assimilating, then growing again. When you grow too fast, you have holes.

12) Keep stress vertical – there are two types of stress: horizontal and vertical… one pulls you apart (horizontal) and one energizes and focuses (vertical). The goal of life isn’t being stress free, but understanding and developing healthy stress which energizes.

13) Have and use a sense of humor – What you cry about today you will laugh about tomorrow. Humor is the lubricant of the spirit. Without humor, the gears clash and the engine burns out.

14) Don’t take destructive action – “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” Too many people carry around a stash of poison pills created from ill feelings and vindictiveness.

15) Anticipate – minimize surprises – Every top executive I know has a cardinal rule: avoid surprises. Preparation and good hiring practices allow them to operate confidently. I think through all the possibilities of a decision or action and thus spare myself from surprises.

16) Work with cause and effect – The scripture tells us we will reap what we sow. That is more than a Biblical admonition. Understanding consequences is a hallmark of high impact leaders.

17) Operate and articulate meaning of life – a clear understanding of purpose is critical. I find strong, meaningful internal dialogue is part of the tool kit for leaders.

18) Have emotional control – they know how to stretch their emotional wheelbase. They have a broad repertoire of emotions, a disciplined imagination, are courageous, and know how to eliminate negatives. They know how to offset external pressures by internal strength. John Wayne said, “Courage is being scared to death and still saddling up.”

19) Choose their attitude – Frankl in “Man’s Search for Meaning” said we have no control over our circumstances but we can choose our attitudes in the midst of them. High impact people direct their attitude.

20) Give themselves to something bigger than themselves – A big vision, a big goal, a big dream, a big cause. These move leaders to think bigger. Always stretch.

This week think about: 1) What pushes me to stretch? 2) What are the roadblocks to growth? 3) How can I apply these this week?

Words of Wisdom: “The goal of life isn’t being stress free, but understanding and developing healthy stress which energizes.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I realized that wisdom is preferable to folly, just as light is preferable to darkness:” (Ecclesiastes 2:13 NET Bible)

Get It Done People – Part One

Weekly Thought – August 18, 2015

Fred began thinking about a question put to him by a group of high achievers: “Fred, what would you say to us as we enter our 50s and want to keep moving?” He put together a list called “The 12 Principles of High Impact Living.” True to himself, the list soon grew and developed into well over three dozen. For the next three weeks we will outline some of these principles.

Fred finished his earthly assignment on August 17, 2007. His thinking lives on and his heartfelt desire to be useful continues bearing fruit. This week we do part two of the Principles of High Impact Living.

As we think about the years since Fred died, we look at all the Lord has done to expand the reach and deepen the impact of his lifework. You have been with us and for that we are grateful. Remember to share these thoughts with others and encourage them to sign up on the mailing list. We appreciate you.

Get It Done People – Part One

High Impact People:

1) Link passion and uniqueness – they find their particular area of genius and maximize it by utilizing it effectively.

2) Minimize religion and maximize spirituality – Christianity isn’t a religion; it is a relationship. Knowing about God isn’t faith but growing in trust and obedience is.

3) Endure pain to win the gold – Bob Richards, the Olympic vaulter, always asked budding athletes: “What do you with the pain?” Pain isn’t optional.

4) Understand that discipline isn’t punishment – an unruly, chaotic life achieves little. There is always a price to pay for accomplishment. Discipline allows the freedom of productivity. Good habits are there for the times you don’t want to work.

5) Save, invest, then speculate – “Las Vegas Funds” are at the top of the financial pyramid, not the bottom. The foundation of proper financial planning gives option in later years.

6) Control their time and appreciate the dramatic moments – Just as I don’t let other people spend my money, I don’t let them spend my time. Those who capture the drama of time can be particularly impactful. For example, Rudy Giuliani after 9/11.

7) Focus – scattershooting is for amateurs. Big game hunters don’t go out carrying shot guns.
8) Are Energetic – Know what creates energy and what uses it and manage it well. High impact people are generally high energy, as well. They know how to harness the strength.

9) Balance their lives – They stay out of the rat race and avoid obsessions. They integrate all the spokes of their wheel as my friend Zig says. The ride gets bumpy when all the emphasis is on one area.

10) Nurture their curiosity – The great scientist Gerhard Dierks told me to always cultivate my ignorance. “Go to bed knowing less than you did the day before because you see how much more there is to know.”

This week think seriously about: 1) What makes me a high impact person? 2) Which of the ten stimulates my thinking? 3) How can I think deeper about this subject?

Words of Wisdom: “Take the gift that God has given you and use it, and you will stand before great men.” (Fred’s paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16)

Wisdom from the Word: “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12:12 NET Bible)

Waste Not, Want Not

blog-49-gather-things-closet

Brenda’s Blog – August 11, 2015

“Gather up the broken pieces that are left over, so that nothing is wasted.” (John 6:12)

Jesus feeds five thousand people then instructs the disciples to pick up the leftovers. They gleaned 12 basketsful.

Why should this interest us? We usually focus on the magnitude of turning four small biscuits and two sardines into an ample feast. But isn’t there more to learn?

Those snatches of time can be thrown away easily. Those smidgens of energy can be wasted. But think of the possibilities. I have a friend who studies scripture on flash cards as she sits in carpool line. Others (who are way more fit than I) grab moments to do leg lifts, jumping jacks, or deep breathing exercises.

A successful salesperson keeps notepaper with stamped envelopes close by in the car. Yes, there are some who actually send handwritten notes. Those little pieces of time allow her to keep in touch in a most personal way.
My Dad used to clip newspaper articles, apply a sticky note with “Thought you’d be interested” and then send off to friends. He used extra minutes to stay in touch.

I am not recommending a frenetic, “use-every-minute-” lifestyle. But I do think there are baskets left uncollected which may be used for the benefit of others.

The Bible tells us to “redeem the time.” To me, this means adopting an attitude of stewardship which takes into account all of our resources: time, talent, and treasure. To live redemptively we lay each day before the Lord asking for the best use of ourselves.

Practically, when we take that extra minute to throw something into the wash, put a file away, kiss that grandchild, or make that quick phone call we are good stewards of those extra baskets.

I want to think constructively about making the most of everything I am given. I want to see God’s big miracles, but I want to be ever aware of those important leftovers.

The Three Aspects of Action

Weekly Thought – August 11, 2015

Fred enjoyed reading military history. The strategies of great generals intrigued him, as did their motivations. One of his favorite stories was the one of Robert E. Lee’s young officer who ended each letter with YTCO: Yours to Count On. During a long hospital stay, one of his granddaughters sent him a simple piece of paper with those letters. They hung on his wall until his discharge.

Planning for the 2016 and 2017 BWFLI schedules is moving ahead. Teams of men and women who are committed to “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God” are forming.

The Three Aspects of Action

We must consider three aspects as we think about action: 1) concept 2) system, and 3) philosophy. The concept defines the basic principles. The system is the implementation method for these principles. And, the philosophy is the reason for doing it.

Let’s say it another way: The concept is the what to do; the system is the how to do it; and the philosophy is the why of doing it.

Once the concept is clearly understood the system becomes a matter of technological development and procedure. However, until the concept is crystallized, it is counter-productive to move ahead. One of the great aspects of leadership is setting the vision and then drawing everyone together under the banner.

A major downfall is attempting to repeat systems without thoroughly analyzing the situation. I always like to say, “keep current.” This means knowing all the details which will influence the impact of an action. Concepts can be transferable more easily than systems and implementation. There are very few situations which totally parallel each other and respond to the exact same systems. The great leaders know how to identify the differences and adjust accordingly.

An example of this is my experience with the great National Steel Strikes in the 1950s. I was called in to develop strategies for management. They pulled out ideas that had worked in the past and since their goal of coming to a positive outcome was the same, they assumed they could use the same system or technique. Again, updating your facts before taking action is critically important.

Action also requires art and science. Some aspects can be formularized, but others must be developed through experience. Asking the right questions, listening carefully, and watching body language enable one to read situations. In Texas they laugh about people who go “ready, fire, aim.” Jumping the gun in taking action can be deadly – and often very costly.

Knowing what to do, how to do it, and why to do it allows a leader (and the organization) to clearly develop a workable process which leads to success. Repeating past successes without current updating, or heading off without a proper vision can only lead to disappointment.

This week carefully consider: 1) Which aspect of action is my soft spot? 2) Where have I matured the most? 3) How can I use Fred’s thoughts to develop others?

Words of Wisdom: “The concept is the what to do; the system is the how to do it; and the philosophy is the why of doing it.”

Wisdom from the Word: “How blessed are those whose actions are blameless, who obey the law of the Lord.” (Psalm 119:1 NET Bible)

Things Are Important

Weekly Thought – August 4, 2015

Fred took Oswald Chambers’ admonition to “sit loose to things” quite literally. He never allowed possessions to hold him hostage. There were few things that needed replacing if enough duct tape were properly applied.

Thank you for your consistent encouragement and support. Your words of gratitude help us in our work. Your illustrations of how Fred’s thoughts strengthened you gratify us and undergird the BWF Project.

Things Are Important

Practical excellence starts with our relationship to things. Most of our time, energy, and thought are involved with the material. So, we must ask ourselves: “Are our possessions hurting or helping us?”

Accumulation has a philosophy. Social historians look closely at a culture in relation to its artifacts. Understanding their material remnants tells a vivid story about the people and the way they lived. When there was written history, it is often eclipsed by the study of what the people accumulated. It is like the difference between saying and doing.

I often laughingly consider what archaeologists will piece together about us when they find piles of non-biodegradable butter tubs!

Ads tell us we can have it all! Sadly, too many buy into the idea that lacking the latest and greatest gadget labels one as a failure. I once read a sign saying, “If you can’t count it, it don’t count.” Foolishness. I tend to believe the more things I own, the more they own me. Ask my family about my different hobby phases and they will quickly tell stories of boating gone awry or temporary woodworking projects which turned into oddly permanent fixes.

Buying the good life is another mistaken idea about things. I have been poor and I have been not poor, and certainly not poor gives me more options. But it didn’t create a substantial life – character choices does that. I have seen way too many who thought the good life consisted of stuff, but they ended up mediocre, spoiled, rich brats. Growing up I saw men and women in the mill district of North Nashville who had very few things, but knew what good in life meant.

A word about money in the Christian world. It can gain someone recognition quickly. Big givers climb the pyramid of fame with jet speed. Ironically, some of those with reputations for giving hold tightly to their assets but promise them for future gifts. A very wise man once said, “There is no better job than being a big potential donor.”

Christians must hold the proper view of things. Scripture tells us much that is valued in this world will be burned up as “wood, hay, and stubble.” We cannot neglect the importance of things, but we must never put our trust in them. And of course, we must always “sit loose to things” as Oswald Chambers says, for they are never ours to keep, but just to manage.

This week think about: 1) How tied am I to my things? 2) What things in my life define me? 3) When archaeologists dig up my “things,” what story will they tell?

Words of Wisdom: “Growing up I saw men and women in the mill district of North Nashville who had very few things, but knew what good in life meant.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For what benefit is it for a person to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his life?” (Mark 8:36 NET Bible)

Mark Modesti TED Talk – The Argument for Trouble

BWFLI Board member, Mark Modesti present a engaging TED Talk in Sept 2015. Click here to view Mark Modesti’s TED Talk.

ID Required

blog-48-texas-driver-license

Brenda’s Blog – July 28, 2015

“All we need is your driver’s license…”

I lost my driver’s license, along with all my other ID cards. Think how socially lost you are without proof. You truly don’t exist. The catch-22 of invisibility is almost impossible to navigate. Social security wouldn’t let me apply for a replacement without a driver’s license. But a driver’s license was inaccessible without a social security card. I was a non-person!

Existential philosophers challenge us to consider the meaning of life, especially and particularly our own lives. Why are we alive and who are we – really? A question of identity.

Identity is a big topic right now. Identity theft, identity fraud, identity exchange, identity confusion – who we are is very much in play. More importantly, who we are NOT is a critical point.

And how we determine and maintain our identity is a crucial process.

The messages we send to the outside world matter. But the messages I send to my inside world matter even more. As a believer in Christ Jesus, I find great peace in the knowledge that my true identity is not what others think I am, or even what I think I am – it is who God through Christ has made me to be.

When I attempt to rearrange, reinvent, or regenerate an identity based on what I think will accomplish my goals, and satisfy my longings, crisis occurs.

Foundational to my identity is the sovereignty of God. I am not a free agent, managing my world with an unfettered hand. I am the beloved creation of a purposeful, intentional God who designed me, my path, and my destiny. Self-identification is a distorted, often perverted version of what our God determined. And when an imperfect being attempts to outthink the Perfect, chaos ensues.

Throughout the chafing, aggravating, irritating (and many other “ing” emotions) experience, I had to stop and think about who I truly am. I am not who the government recognizes me to be. I am not even who the culture decides I will be. NO, I am the daughter of the King, redeemed by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ. In Him, I am free to be me. The child’s book had it partially right, but missed the crux of the issue. It is IN HIM I find the freedom to identity. I don’t have to defiantly self-identify because He has already claimed me as His own.

Yes, I finally am a licensed driver in the state of Texas, and qualified for social security benefits. But thanks be to God I am His and He is mine, whether or not I am credentialized. My identity rests in the finished, acceptable work of Jesus.

The Stress of Singleness

Weekly Thought – July 28, 2015

Fred spoke to singles’ retreats and sometimes received unusual requests. After one presentation a woman came up and waited patiently while others spoke to him. Finally, her turn came and she simply said, “I need you to find me a husband.” “Pardon, me, ma’am, but we have never met so why do you think I am to do this?” “I was told older men have the responsibility to find proper men for single women… and you are old.” He graciously declined. His practical wisdom helped many singles throughout the country. This 2002 article gives an insight into his thinking.

The Stress of Singleness

Mary Alice and I will be married 66 years June 25, 2003. We haven’t been single for a long time, but I have been asked a lot throughout my life to speak to singles groups. Here are a few of the common stressors.

1) Time pressures – too many confuse the fast track and the frantic track. But what a significant difference there is! I believe in the energy and excitement of the former, but distrust and deny the latter. Unfortunately, some singles equate inactivity with loss of inclusion. They say “yes” to every invitation seeking belongingness. And, singles just pushed by time when others assume they are available “because they don’t have families at home.”

2) Peer pressures – the stress of adolescent peer pressure should lessen as we age, but I see too many who still fall into the trap of giving too much control away. When they let others set their direction, goals, and definition of accomplishment, they open the door to unhealthy stresses. There are no age limits (or even marital status) which keep us from looking to others for approval, but I see many singles who put too much emphasis on the acceptance of friends and colleagues. Because of this stress, it is critical to carefully analyze and appraise those who are influencers.

3)Money – I notice when I talk with singles groups I find a particular weakness for advertising claims…and it eats them up. Madison Avenue invests big bucks to reach this particular demographic. Sporting activities are a prime example. Have you ever considered how much it costs to “look like a golfer? Tennis player? Bike rider?” No one just takes up a hobby without all the proper accoutrements. Living the lifestyle often squeezes singles into a tough spot which creates debt and stress. A plan and financial strategy are necessary elements in anyone’s life, but particularly for those who are targeted for impulse and emotional buying.

4) Relationships – Developing healthy relationships can be difficult. Many times when I speak to groups I find informal discussions coming around to the loneliness of singleness. Finding people to trust isn’t easy. Growing in a spiritual relationship doesn’t come more readily just because there is no spouse and children to consider. Being single doesn’t automatically create spiritual depth. The stress of being Mother Teresa or Apostle Paul can lay heavy on single shoulders.

God calls each of us to our own walk. Whether married or single, our focus is to be on Him and in Him. He is the answer to the stresses. He gives the peace. He moves us toward maturity.

This week think carefully about: 1) How can I serve those who are single? 2) What does singleness mean in the Christian community? 3) Who is struggling with loneliness as well as aloneness?

Words of Wisdom: “Money is a tool, not an idol. It gives option. It is a stewardship.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs him down, but an encouraging word brings him joy.” (Proverbs 12:25 NET Bible)

Dialysis University

Weekly Thought – July 21, 2015

Fred began dialysis July 1999. As part of his processing he wrote a piece which he called Dialysis University knowing much learning was ahead. In an unusually long weekly thought, the entire article is reproduced for you. In the intervening years many ask for these thoughts applying them to any permanent life changing event. May it bless you this week and beyond.

Dialysis University

My life has permanently changed. I accept the change; now I must try to understand it. In order to get the most from the change I must consider myself, at 84, to have enrolled in a new school which I call DU (Dialysis University) with classes three days a week for four hours each.

There are certain unique features to DU. The teachers share the responsibility with me. They keep me alive with their medical skill and I decide what courses of learning to follow from a great variety of possibilities, the first being a comprehensive understanding of the full dialysis process. They provide the quality time and I decide what I will do with the time. It is a joint responsibility.

Another unique feature of DU is the lack of a graduation; therefore, a diploma doesn’t determine the course selection. Exit from the school is entrance into eternity.

In order to maximize the experience I have decided to adopt a philosophy of dialysis that will guide me as I progress. I have put it into writing so that I might read and review until it becomes a mental/spiritual habit and eventually a living reflex.

Constructive Adjustments To Dialysis:

1. Gratitude for the discipline: Don’t rebel against the restrictions. I am being helped rather than restricted. This discipline assures life.

2. Respect the diet: It is not what I can’t have; it’s that I don’t want what I should not have. Abstinence is positive, not negative.

3. The expenses: I’m making an investment in a quality of life, not being forced to spend money on assistance that I once didn’t require.

4. Recognize the variable value of time: Spend the most valuable hours on the most valuable activities. Have interesting, productive things to do during the hours of energy. Don’t fret about the survival mode in down times. I am only responsible for what I can do, not for what I would like to do or think that I should do. Only my capability is my responsibility.

5. Guard against negative thoughts and remarks: Guard against them either within myself or with others. I am not competing in a health race with others. Accept that sickness can be destructive to a proper attitude. Disciplined silence can be constructive.

6. Not part of divine punishment: I consider my sickness as normal, therefore in no part divine punishment. Nothing is happening to me “that is not common to man.”

7. Be careful not to lose the good of this difficult situation: Look for each bit of good and express appreciation for it. I believe that God is in my circumstances mysteriously, even though I can’t understand or definitely define each element. Faith, therefore, is a major factor in my adjustment.

8. The situation is for life: Therefore I must take the long view and not be occupied or anxious about every up and down blip on the screen. Up times will be limited just the same as the down times. It is good to remember, “This, too, shall pass.”

9. Dialysis will not define my life: Dialysis may alter my way of life but will not define it. I am not living to have dialysis; I am having dialysis in order to live. Therefore it will not dominate my thoughts nor conversation. It is a means to provide quality life.

10. Control: I will not use my dialysis to control my family or friends.

11. Experience the joy of life: In early dialysis I’ve had some experiences of the joy of life that helped me to understand Paul’s acceptance of his “thorn” or Solzhenitsyn’s gratitude for “the stinking straw.” Suffering’s chief function is to purify – purify our thinking and promote the growth of our faith.

Hail to Old DU!

My choice: Be a victim or a victor.

This week think about: 1) Which point hits home right now? 2) Who needs to read this? 3) How can I best apply Fred’s thinking to my life?

Words of Wisdom: “My life has permanently changed.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I am able to do all things through the one who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13 NET Bible)

«‹81 82 83 84 85 ›»