Only One

Brenda’s Blog – January 31, 2017

“I am only one”

My paternal Grandmother was a woman of strong character, yet challenged with physical weakness. She gave birth to six children and raised the five “boys” after her little girl died in early childhood. As the wife of a depression era pastor she sacrificed daily to provide for not only her family, but all the others invited in by my merciful Grandfather.

In her later years we lived in the same town. What a joy to pick her up each week (with my two little toddlers in tow) and take her to lunch at her favorite place. My father graciously underwrote this “ministry.” She taught me about parenting, following Jesus, and plain, ordinary common sense.

She had a motto which hung in a small frame. I often looked at it, but did not fully understand its depth until later in my life. And the truth of the words strike me as even more profound year by year. During one of my crafty phases I studied calligraphy. I decided an appropriate gift for her was my rendition of her life words. She received it as if I had presented an original hand-lettered Guttenberg Bible.

After her death I went to her apartment and carefully took it from the wall. Even decades later, it has a special place wherever I live… a place that catches my eye and my heart. So, I want these words to give you hope in a chaotic world which demands far more than our bodies and minds should be expected to offer.

My Motto
I am one – and only one;
I cannot do everything, But I can do something.
What I can do I ought to do.
What I ought to do by the grace of God I WILL DO

Who Do You Serve?

Weekly Thought – January 31, 2017

Fred rarely fell into fuzzy thinking. His friend and mentor Maxey Jarman burned into him the necessity of clarity. He also objectively looked at processes and “pulled the loose threads.” He spoke plainly, but with beautifully crafted nuances. In these Weekly Thoughts, the material is garnered from Fred’s writings and notes over decades. Some of the illustrations are dated, but undoubtedly the principles are timeless.

Who Do You Serve?

The proper and right concept of leadership is vital. The correct use of theory is essential. Some people differentiate between the theoretical and the practical, as if theory is impractical. One of my earliest management lessons came in this simple maxim: “Nothing is as practical as a correct theory.”

Behind every practicality is a theory. Foundational to our moon shots was Einstein’s theories of relativity. Behind Edison was Faraday’s Theory of Electricity. Just so in leadership. The concept comes first and without a solid understanding nothing but faulty leadership develops.

Currently, one of the popular concepts is “servant leadership.” Properly understood, it is helpful, but it can (and has been) terribly abused.

In ministry, the Christian leader is a servant of God, not a servant of the sheep. Many spiritual shepherds get that confused – and operate incorrectly, inadequately, and often ineptly. The belief that each sheep is the source of the servanthood is to misunderstand the concept.

I have a good friend who nearly lost his sanity trying to be a servant leader to his congregation with the mindset that each was his boss. When one of his “bosses” called him in the middle of the night with instructions, he felt obligated to respond. The situation became absolutely intolerable.

Yes, you lead by serving, but the major expression of your service is your leadership.

Take for example, Lee Iacocca, a great leader. He is a servant of the Chrysler Corporation but he doesn’t ask every employee from assembly line to executive suite where and how the company should go. He may certainly solicit counsel, but he expects his employees to do their job well – just as they expect him to do his with excellence. Iacocca’s servanthood is expressed through his leadership. If he were to give up doing this he would no longer be a faithful servant of Chrysler.

This week think about: 1) What is my own definition of servant leadership? 2) How successful am I leading others? 3) What changes do I need to make in my leadership style to be more effective?

Words of Wisdom: “Yes, you lead by serving, but the major expression of your service is your leadership.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For the one who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by people.” (Romans 14:18 NET Bible)

Three Legacies

Weekly Thought – January 24, 2017

Fred’s heart for pastors was well-known. After the website (breakfastwithfred.com) began he received daily emails from men and women who shepherded congregations. They asked specific leadership questions, but mostly wanted to ask about the role of integrity in both the laity and the clergy. He answered directly and compassionately, often giving them a safe haven to talk.

Three Legacies

After decades in business I can still see my father’s influence in me. Here are three which stand out:

1) Dad was a stickler for integrity. At home he was a strict disciplinarian. PKs (preacher’s kids) are always on public display. Dad and Mother knew this and demanded we be on time, have our lessons prepared, and respect the ministerial position through proper behavior. Dad took very seriously the Biblical imperatives about the role of a pastor. We knew how he felt about the family’s being in order. It was a heavy burden at times, but it made us keenly responsible even as young men. I was never tempted to rebel because I understood his motivation. I inherited my father’s admiration for integrity, and I hope that is part of my legacy when I leave.

2) Dad taught me the value of a spiritual life. This is often difficult in a pastor’s home. The struggle between the spiritual and the material is an on-going battle. Ours was no exception. Our home existed for the spiritual welfare of the church. I never heard business discussed, for example, until I left at age twenty-one. I had to begin my entire business education after that. The same struggle is true, though reversed, in homes of executives who do not nurture the spiritual elements. Children who grow up without a spiritual foundation then come to salvation must begin that entire part of their education. Yet, the material side was a continual tug of war. We scraped by financially. We also were held to a different standard by Mother and Dad focusing on the reality of heaven – sometimes to the neglect of earthly things! But I did learn possessions and accumulation are not the measure of wealth.

3) Dad believed and lived out the principle of giving to others if you have it to give. He regularly offered his clothing, our food, and certainly our home to those in need. And more than that, he offered spiritual counsel and knowledge gained through his study of the Word. I internalized this principle as a young man and hopefully have continued to use it throughout my life. When the opportunity to write articles for LEADERSHIP JOURNAL came, I eagerly accepted. I could use what I had learned to stretch others. Frequently I am asked “what are the most important things I need to learn about leadership and management?” It gives me satisfaction to share what I have gained through others, as well as my own experiences. If I have it to give, then Dad would certainly press me to give with all my might.

This week carefully consider: 1) What lessons have I learned from my parents? 2) How am I influencing my family, my co-workers, my church members? 3) Whose leadership do I emulate?

Words of Wisdom: “I inherited my father’s admiration for integrity, and I hope that is part of my legacy when I leave.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who conducts himself in integrity will live securely, but the one who behaves perversely will be found out.” (Proverbs 10:9 NET Bible)

Staged or Engaged?

“You are having dinner guests – I won’t stay long.”

My neighbor stopped by for a visit. She saw both my dining room and breakfast room tables were fully set. Her natural conclusion surprised me. “Oh, no, I am not expecting anyone – I just keep the tables set because I think it is prettier that way.”

If you walk into my house, the table settings will change seasonally. They look cheerful, inviting, and expectant. But rarely are the plates filled with food, the glasses holding sparkling drinks, or the napkins unfolded from their gala shapes. My tables tell a story – a make believe tale.

As I watch HGTV the “reveal” always includes a professional staging which introduces the potential buyer to the world as it could be in that house. You see active families, or energetic singles pursuing interesting lifestyles. As people view the homes they find themselves picture themselves inside the “storyboard.” I often wonder how they feel when they open their recently purchased home and the dream they bought has been packed up and hauled off in the stager vans.

My neighbor’s words made me think about my own home. And then my life. I love table settings (as did my Mom) and I love playing house ( as did my Mom). But my travel schedule, and my singular lifestyle don’t allow for a houseful of happy diners often. However, I like to think this is the way I live – the potential is there… the picture is there.

The question then arises… how often do we stage a life rather than engaging in one? Too often we dress the part, even talk the part, but actually never play the part. We can make our lives look interesting, challenging, and fun. But when the curtains are pulled, sometimes it is more staging than engaging.

My challenge to myself: invite real, living human beings to sit in those chairs, unfold those napkins, and fill the plates with food, gathering together with laughter, conversation, and engagement. I want to make the picture real in 2017.

Leadership More Than A Position

Weekly Thought – January 17, 2017

Fred believed leadership was both science and art – skill and intuition. He spent most of his life studying great examples and applying them to his experiences and for the benefit of others.

Leadership More Than A Position

As the son of a preacher, I noticed a curious thing growing up. People in church leadership positions didn’t necessarily know how to lead.

My father pastored a number of small churches in Alabama, Kentucky, and Tennessee. Unfortunately, many of the people were inexperienced in management. Factory workers who ran plant machinery by day came to board meetings at night and tried to become executives. It didn’t work. Even in my early teens, I could sense the ineptness.

As employees, they had no experience in good leadership and they were incapable of offering anything to the church in the way of management skills. They assumed places of leadership without having leadership training. I watched day-laborers with warped ideas of what it meant become absolute dictators in the church.

One of these men would suddenly become chairman of the board. He did not know anything about organization, future planning, human dynamics, or vision. He didn’t practice organizational leadership in his job or even in his family. Yet suddenly he became a mini-mogul.

Worse yet, most of these people failed to recognize their lack of training or ability. They assumed the title and the position gave them the authority they needed. They did not understand leadership is a function. It isn’t license to order others around, but it is a service performed for the good of the whole group.

I struggled as I watched my Godly, people-oriented pastor father defeated over and over by his lack of political and management skills. He was revered as the “padre of the slums” in the mill district of Nashville where he pastored for years. I saw him outmaneuvered and broken down by the power brokers, even in a small church.

My mother was the manager. She saved us from starvation in the depression era. She stretched $125 per month my father earned to feed all seven of us. How I wished that church leaders had the organizational skills of my mother.
These experiences convinced me of the value of an orderly way of doing things. I grew up wanting to be a leader – not just to occupy a position of leadership, but to perform capably.

This week think about: 1) Why do I want to be a leader? 2) Who demonstrates the true nature of leadership? 3) How can I recognize leadership talent and provide training?

Words of Wisdom: “It (leadership) isn’t license to order others around, but it is a service performed for the good of the whole group.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Elders who provide effective leadership must be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard in speaking and teaching.” (1 Timothy 5:17 NET Bible)

Love and Life

Weekly Thought – January 10, 2017

Fred was not “ooky-gooky,” as he was fond of saying. He was raised in a generation which expressed love through action more than words. His dedication to his family, his friends, and the body of Christ never veered off course. His fidelity and devotion to integrity became guiding lights.

Love and Life

Love creates an environment that strengthens the will to live. Love brings joy to our lives when there is often little to bring rejoicing. But we enjoy being loved so much we sometimes forget the responsibilities of being loved. Those who love us want us to live, not die. We often talk about pursuing a life worth living. I am convinced recognizing and understanding the value of love is a great part of that endeavor. Many tell me I am too strong-willed (and probably ornery) to give up and die, but I think the real reason for my zeal is the belief that I can contribute and that I am loved.

Doctors have told me many old people are said to die of “natural causes,” when in truth they actually die from loneliness – or a broken heart. There is actually medical research to show the connection between the emotional and physical condition. People can decide to give up life. Conversely, there is proof that those who receive loving care can sustain life beyond expectations. There was a study done to show the difference between patients who were prayed for and loved versus those who were left alone.

Just as God’s greatest gift to us is His love, the finest offering we can make to others is our love. And this is the love which is more than touchy-feely words. This is the love which C.S. Lewis defined as “wanting the best for the other.” Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given. One of the great lessons I have learned in my incapacitation is that I can love and be loved, regardless of my abilities.

Love is the strongest sustaining emotion we can feel. Acts of love are as important as words. One of my favorite times of day is when my daughter who cares for me comes in, pats me on the arms, kisses me o the forehead, and says, “I will see you in the morning.” When I was pronounced dying, she said to the medical staff, “No, I will take him home and he will live.” And so far, she has been right!

Even though my bride of 67 years is now in heaven I still celebrate Valentine’s Day… for her. And every day I can celebrate the truth of God’s love. He sent us a Valentine that would last forever – the “I love you” from Christ.

This week think about: 1) How do I know I am loved? 2) What motivates me to love others? 3) When is love most real in my life?

Words of Wisdom: “Life giving love doesn’t have to be earned… it is freely given.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord your God will also cleanse your heart and the hearts of your descendants so that you may love him with all your mind and being and so that you may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:6 NET Bible)

Decide Well

Weekly Thought – January 3, 2017

Fred commented on New Year’s Resolutions: “They are usually last year’s regrets.” He was a proponent of healthy decision making, not emotional short-term reactions.

2017 is a year of promise for BWF. In addition to three campus events, we will be planning for a conference in 2018 titled “What’s Next.” More details will follow. Please pray for us as we start quickly with leadership institutes in February and April.

Decide Well

Our life is a network of decisions. A few are vital, but many more are more mundane. For example, the choice of a spouse and the decision to have children are two of the most critical, long-ranging. Buying a new suit is shorter term and less important – unless it results in a major fashion faux pas! And I have personal experience with this. A waitress once welcomed me to breakfast in a familiar place with a smile and, “Good morning, Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself today!”

Decision making is both an art and a science. I have known men and women who have the intuition for excellent decisions. They usually have the capacity to both see problems and solution possibilities. Charles Kettering, the automotive genius, once said, “A problem well-defined is half solved.” Other friends have said, “Knowing the options is the secret of good decision making.”

Executive and cabinet leader Robert McNamara had a regular management practice. Before he would accept a recommendation he would ask, “What other options did you reject before you chose this one?” When the answer was a sheepish admission that this was the first option, they would be sent back to reconsider and bring other options.

In order to pick the best option, you must know what the object of the decision is. Is this decision to solve a problem or open up a possibility? A key element of good decision making is recognizing the reality of the environment. I work to set aside all but the facts of the situation. When I have moved away all the emotional factors I can look rationally at the work that needs to be done. Too many people consider what they wish the situation were, what they hope it will be, without holding to the reality of what is.

Then I think through the ramifications of each option, as unemotionally as possible. I want to consider how each possibility would be implemented and executed. To make a decision without understanding the implications is poor leadership. So, I travel down the road with each option looking for potholes, faulty assumptions, and undesired outcomes. Good decision making is a satisfactory experience and worth the effort.

When this isn’t done, policies can be put in place which end up very ineffective, making management look weak. A good decision is structurally sound and effectively executed.

This week carefully consider: 1) What decision needs to be made this week? 2) How do I connect faith and decision making? 3) Who models good decision making?

Words of Wisdom: “Too many people consider what they wish the situation were, what they hope it will be, without holding to the reality of what is.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you decide on a matter, it will be established for you, and light will shine on your ways.” (Job 22:28 NET Bible)

Even A Child

Brenda’s Blog – January 3, 2017

“Mommy, we need to pray.”

I sat at a table eating my sandwich at Wendy’s and mentally lost in my long to-do list. A sweet little voice broke through. “Mommy, we need to pray.” I turned around to see a young boy about 4 or 5 making a matter of fact statement to his parents. “You are right, honey, let’s pray.”

I thought about the innocence of young ones and their understanding of values. His quiet leadership made me think about what lies ahead for him. His clarity will serve him well.

Then I thought about the confusion we adults create when we have “situational ethics.” We compromise when it becomes inconvenient. We cut corners when it suits us. We learn to live in the gray areas.

In Scripture we read the words, “And even a child shall lead them.” Listening to that voice made me think about the small voice of conscience which speaks to me. I want consistency in my thoughts and actions. I want to avoid arguments with myself and spend more time rejoicing in the growth I see.

I stopped by the table as I left to thank the parents for praying – and for listening to their son. That is a family training up children who will be great lights in our world. Congratulations to them for listening then taking right action. May we all live like that!

Good Luck?

Brenda’s Blog – December 27, 2016

“Twists of Fate which brought strangers together in a life-saving event.”

The Weather Channel aired a special titled “Twists of Fate” highlighting horrendous weather-triggered emergencies which brought strangers together in dramatic ways. The situations were startling, but the “coincidences” and “twists of fate” dwarfed the impact of the experiences. They pointed out each turn which affected the outcomes – down to the smallest details.

The life-threatening stories were difficult to watch. But to see the documentary chronicle each turn and credit the fickle finger of fate prompted me to speak out loud to the TV screen (yes, I was alone in a hotel room watching this in the early morning hours). “THIS ISN’T FATE – THIS IS THE HAND OF OUR MOST HOLY, AWESOME, GRACIOUS GOD!”

This is the same God who sent Jesus as the “in the flesh” representation of the triune God. THIS was no accident, no twist of fate, no coincidence, either. We serve a purposeful God who intervenes in history and in our lives. PRAISE BE TO HIM.

Thanks, Weather Channel for giving me an opportunity to worship!

As we complete one year and begin another, let’s intentionally look for the many times we are protected, guided, and directed which feel like coincidences. Let’s enjoy seeing the hand of God in our lives. This is great joy for us and I believe for Him, as well. He loves to hear our voices of thanksgiving and what better time than that special moment we truly know is a “God-thing.”

Life Blood

Weekly Thought – December 27, 2016

Fred did not trumpet his good deeds. He believed in quiet philanthropy and giving without fanfare. He gave to operations because “nobody likes to give to paperclips, but organizations need them.” He was generous in his giving and supported many without any thought of a charitable deduction.

Thank you for partnering with BWF this year. We appreciate your prayer encouragement, and your financial gifts. We look forward to another year of stretching and blessing.

Life Blood

Sometimes you keep stories to yourself because they are very personal. Sometimes the deep satisfaction that they reflect keeps them private. This is a story out of my early manhood I have never told before, simply because it was very personal and a very satisfying experience. It didn’t need any broadcasting.

When I was a young man in this life insurance business I went into a lawyer’s office where he and his daughter practiced together. As I spoke to them, they were obviously upset and asked me what my blood type was. Although it was a strange question, I knew that they earnestly needed my answer. When I told him he said, “That is exactly what we need.” And then he continued, “My brother is dying in St. Thomas Hospital (in Nashville, TN) and must have blood immediately. Will you give him some of yours?” I happily agreed.

We got into the car and headed straight for the hospital. Without doing anything other than taking off my coat, I stretched out on a cot beside the man. They transferred the blood directly from me to him because his need was that great. He lived and was very grateful for the transfusion. He wanted to pay me, but I told him his gratitude and his survival were thanks enough. Financial payment would be inappropriate.

I never saw him again but the experience produced total satisfaction.

When our souls were in need of a donation for our salvation, Christ shed His blood. When our souls were perishing, Christ provided a way for eternal lie. Christ gave us something that we cannot buy – we can only receive it by faith… namely, His grace. “Would you be free from the burden of sin? There’s power in the blood.”

This week think about: 1) How sensitive am I to needs of those around me? 2) What triggers my desire to give? 3) Who needs to hear about the life-giving blood of Jesus?

Words of Wisdom: “When our souls were in need of a donation for our salvation, Christ shed His blood.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not withhold good from those who need it, when you have the ability to help.” (Proverbs 3:27 NET Bible)

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