Too Predictable

Brenda’s Blog – June 6, 2017

“…havoc”

I typed an email to a friend using the word “wreaked.” Before I could even begin to type another word auto-correct added “havoc.” How predictable was I when even auto-correct fills in the spaces in my cliché-riddled email?
Why can auto-correct read my mind? Or is my mind so given to the hackneyed that I fall into one of their algorithms? Then why does it play such havoc with words I know I want to use yet it refuses time after time to leave it alone? How can it possibly think it knows what I am thinking?

Then I think of the comfort of predictability… knowing how a person will react, expecting a certain outcome, or moving confidently ahead. It takes energy to constantly be on the alert for a head fake. It is pleasant to have a certain degree of “I just know” in life.

I saw a shoe hack on Facebook yesterday giving clues on taping toes together to relieve the pressure on the balls of feet in order to wear shoes that were designed by a sadist. What is wrong with wearing footwear that actually feels good? What social faux pas do we commit when we don’t have to tape body parts together in order to reduce extreme pain? What is wrong with living life with a certain degree of predictability that allows ease of motion, socially and relationally?

Certainly, there is energy generated by the unexpected. Dad used to tell me “there’s nothing wrong with you that a little excitement won’t cure.” And I agree… to a point. Too much excitement, too much unpredictability, too much “where in the world is this going?” leaves me with blisters on my soul.

Okay, so the next time I type wreaked and auto-correct smartly pops in with “havoc” I will just smile and type over it with some other word – even though havoc is probably the best choice.

Older to Younger

Weekly Thought – June 6, 2017

Fred received regular calls and letters from those who valued his counsel. He never answered with pat phrases, clichés, or shallow answers. He carefully considered his answers. His responsibility to those who asked resulted in written material which still helps us.

Our BWFLI season wrapped up this Spring. Please pray for those who graduated, others who are seeking employment, and our school staff spending their summers preparing for next fall. Thank you for your consistent support. Your gifts of encouragement, financial resources, and team participation allow us to continue “stretching and blessing the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.”

Older to Younger

(This is an excerpt from a letter written to a young businessman who asked Fred: “Can I be a Christian and still be a success?”)

I greatly appreciate your thoughtful letter. Your questions have been asked by business majors in more than 25 colleges and universities where I have lectured. They are important – and can be answered. I want to give you my thinking. I want it to be helpful.

Certainly I’ve seen individuals without integrity get promoted into high corporate positions and others get immensely rich using questionable methods. Yet, as long as corporate success and wealth have been reached by men who have not exchanged their souls, there is no conflict. You must understand the way of integrity and accept the price.

I believe in working for success much more than praying for it. Pray for maturity; work for success. My mentor, Maxey Jarman told me: “If a thing needs doing, it can be done honestly. If it can’t be done honestly, then it doesn’t really need doing.” Often dishonest methods are simply a shortcut to what could be proper goals. If the goals are honest, then the means and methods can also be honest. I hardly believe there could be proper goals with no proper means for reaching them with full satisfaction.

Let me illustrate: There is a choice of ways to get into a ball game. The proper way is to buy a ticket. You can then relax, and enjoy the game with your integrity intact. However, another way is to climb the fence or crash the gate. Some prefer the anxiety of this way. It is a “something for nothing” – and some believe it is the same with quick, though questionable, steps to sudden success. Both see the game, but there is a big difference. One pays their way with dollars; the other pays their way with their character.

As we begin our discussion of success, let’s be clear that success isn’t defined by wealth. The important principle “Success is using your talents and gifts to their highest advantage and contribution.” I often say it this way: “Success is the ratio between talents given and talents used.” Money may come with this, or it may not.

Think about: 1) What lesson am I learning from a mentor? 2) Who is benefiting from my life experiences? 3) When have I sacrificed my character for short-term gain?

Words of Wisdom: “I hardly believe there could be proper goals with no proper means for reaching them with full satisfaction.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who conducts himself in integrity will live securely, but the one who behaves perversely will be found out.” (Proverbs 10:9 NET Bible)

Use and Abuse of Humor

Weekly Thought – May 30, 2017

Fred’s humor was definitely a hallmark of his personality, and his speaking. In his later years when he was bed-bound he fought through insomnia by recalling “punch lines” and then telling himself the joke. He had a mental list of over 200. His respect for humor and for audiences kept him from taking “cheap shots.” But his love of word-play and puns left him open to groans from those who didn’t appreciate the fine art form.

Use and Abuse of Humor

For years I’ve studied the serious use of humor. I once asked Malcolm Muggeridge f there had ever been a book written about it. He said, “Yes – I know of two and they are both dreary because the authors had no sense of humor.” In my experience, most books about humor end up being joke books, and not discussing the theory, practice, and meaning of humor.

We all recognize humor as a relief from hostility and rising tempers. Humor can be the softest of soft answers. It can be a coagulating agent for diverse groups in an audience. It is often used to give a psychological break when sustained thinking becomes tiring. I have noted times when a speaker’s remark received a much greater laugh than you would expect just because the audience wanted to laugh and wanted a break.

There are many misuses, as well. I’ll mention only three.

1) The person who borrows a story and tells it as if it happened to them. Since most people in the audience have likely heard the story many times before from many different speakers, such a technique decreases the effect of the story and impinges on the integrity of the speaker. For example, how many people have told you about the dead cat found outside the back door at the same time the tuna casserole prepared and served to guests was consumed by the feline? It would be a strange coincidence for it to happen throughout the country, but it is told over and over as a “first person experience.”

2) Using too much humor causes listeners to just wait for the next laugh and ignore the serious parts of the talk. Laughs are expected and appreciated – sometimes more than substantive remarks. But this shows disrespect for the audience, unless it is billed as stand-up comedy. We have too often dumbed down our presentations and merely gone for entertainment. When we are booked as a speaker with a message, stringing together a series of jokes isn’t honest.

3) Our humor should be theologically correct and clean. I find those who profess faith in Jesus Christ, but joke about hell or immorality of doubtful character. As Christians we should certainly have joy, but we shouldn’t promote an attitude of wanton foolishness. Dirty jokes get laughs, but leave a bad taste.

Humor should illustrate a principle, not just be decorative. The more we can see humor in the human situations, the more they serve as excellent sources of content. One of the purposes I talk about frequently is that of being a social lubricant. It can oil the gears of conversation and ease tensions.

And of course, it keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously. We can foster a healthy perspective when we can laugh.

This week think about: 1) What makes me laugh? 2) How disciplined am I about what makes me laugh? 3) When do I allow myself to laugh to release tension?

Words of Wisdom: “Humor can be the softest of soft answers.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with gladness.” (Job 8:21 NET Bible)

Typology of Gifting

Weekly Thought – May 23, 2017

Fred’s practical approach gave him an objectivity that helped many. He rarely got caught up in seeing something from one vantage point – he liked to consider all angles. And, he didn’t make judgments about decisions (unless they were clearly un-Biblical or downright stupid!) His ability to look at giving through a neutral eye made him an excellent counselor.

Would you all pray for BWFLI as we begin our new initiative: the “What’s Next” conference in 2018 and the “What’s Next Roundtables”… both will explore mentoring, networking, and everyday living faith in depth.

Typology of Gifting

When I look at gifts I try to break them down into categories. Sitting on boards and being close to ministries has given me ample opportunity for this research. Money and ministry are inextricably tied together – often to the dismay of all concerned.

Giving is more than turning over ownership of an asset.

1) Gift as gift. The purest gift is the one that is anonymous. We know about the gift, but the giver is held in anonymity. We think of these not just in amount, but in motive. The classical Biblical example is the widow who quietly gave without throwing the coins into the metal container with pomp and noise. I find that it is sometimes easier to donate smaller amounts anonymously rather than the larger. My friend and mentor Maxey Jarman told of a fundraising dinner which gave people the opportunity to stand up and make open pledges. He said one gentleman stood up, introduced himself, his wife, named his business, gave its location, and then loudly proclaimed they were giving $5000 anonymously!

2) Purchase posing as a gift. In this situation the giver buys recognition or social position. I know of an extremely successful fundraiser who hosts a club for like-minded donors. The catch: You have to give $10,000 each year to belong to the club. I think it would be more accurate to think of this as an expense, rather than a gift. Being known as a member of this club sets one above others. The price of admission really isn’t about giving. Another friend promised a ministry $20million in stock, but kept ownership in order to vote the stock and control the corporation. Ironically, by the time his gift was received by the ministry the value had dropped from $50/share to $1.

3) Attention. This may be crass, but I know people who have discovered the power of being a potential major donor. They receive all the benefits and privileges of those who give but without actually donating. Sadly, too many organizations are afraid to offend such people with “great giving capacity” and treat them with deference.

4) Investment. Donors often speak of their giving in terms of ROI (return on investment). Kingdom work is often difficult to put through a metrics and measurements exercise. Do not misunderstand me. I want ministries to operate with the absolute best practices, for that is excellent stewardship. But there is an element to God’s work that doesn’t fit into a neat formula. I once asked a friend to give to a struggling minister doing excellent, but small, work in the inner city. He quickly informed me he didn’t give to small things. He gave only to those who had the capacity to change the entire system, not just a piece of it.

The philosophy of giving to get back is an example of investment thinking. The human multiplier effect fails when applied to God’s work. He does give an increase, but not because we have manipulated Him.

This week think about: 1) Where is my heart (and my head) when I give? 2) Who can I talk with about proper giving? 3) How can I be helpful to ministries as they think about money?

Words of Wisdom: “Kingdom work is often difficult to put through a metrics and measurements exercise.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Be careful not to display your righteousness merely to be seen by people. Otherwise you have no reward with your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 6:1 NET Bible)

Perspective

Brenda’s Blog – May 23, 2017

“End Road Work”

When you drive over 4000 miles in a month you spend much time looking at billboards and reading signs. A friend recently posted a query on Facebook about the kind of person who protests repairing potholes. “Why do they want to end road work?”

I laughed because the states of Illinois and Tennessee are bounded by either “Begin Road Work” or “End Road Work” signs. After awhile I literally wanted all of it to end!

My precious daughter in law has a well-deserved reputation as a non-fiction editor. She gave me a classic book on grammar for writers: “Eats, Shoots, & Leaves.” The positioning of commas and ampersands is critical to proper understanding. The notation in the zoo about the koala bear usually reads “eats shoots and leaves.” A world of difference!

The mispositioning of intent often creates more than a funny book title. When we assume we know why people behave in a certain way, we can make snap judgments. Then in a totally logical way (to us), we follow that path to discerning intent. There are broken relationships which are the outcome of a misconstrued word or casual action. We can forget where the relationship commas and ampersands go!

Another humorous road sign was the billboard featuring an attractive 20-something woman hugging a pig (or hog… I am a city girl, so I don’t know the difference). The text read: “Friends, not Food.” It was placed next to the exit to an extensive farm which undoubtedly supported the “Pork is the Other White Meat” philosophy. I already have more people than could possibly be considered authentic friendship. I do not need an anonymous pig. In my mind, the purpose of domestically raised livestock is for feeding all those others Facebook identifies as my friends.

Ride the road with me someday and we will find a world of philosophical discussions to be had – even without the Burma Shave signs! And keep a proper perspective as you roll.

Intentions of the Heart and Purse

Weekly Thought – May 16, 2017

Fred was allergic to fluff. He didn’t appreciate those who tried to bamboozle him with lofty, spiritualized financial appeals. And, he didn’t want to be anyone’s “center of influence.” His gift of discernment gave him an objectivity which enabled him to give with insight and wisdom.

Giving to BWFLI is a way you can participate in the “stretching and blessing of the next generation of leaders… to the glory of God.” We ask for your help as we continue our campus work.

Intentions of the Heart and Purse

Not everyone gives for the same reason. Over the years I have known men and women who give high dollar gifts… and those who give the $5.00 donations. Billy Graham once said their ministry operated on the $5 gifts from men and women who stood with them in prayer.

Here are a few (certainly not an exhaustive list, but one that will get you thinking) I have noticed:

1) Tax deduction. “I prefer to give to the church rather than to the government.” Our tax laws currently favor charitable giving, but this may not always be the case. Giving as a tax strategy is usually more mental and emotional.

2) Peer pressure. A well-known CEO had the reputation of being a major fundraiser. In actuality, his gift were relatively small, but he had the ability to “suggest” to those who worked for him and did business with him that certain charitable organizations would be helped by their money. Often I get letters from non-profits listing their donors in descending monetary order. Some consultant told them most people like to do “what other people like them” do.

3) Emergency response. Another strategy is sending out SOS letters to donors under the banner of “we need your help NOW!” There are those who quickly respond to such pleas and feel they are jumping in to hold up the organization at a critical time. The problem with this is the sense we get when we see retail stores holding “going out of business “sales for years on end. Non-profits which hope to spur giving with SOS alerts risk creating doubt.

4) Legacy. Some foundations give when the understanding their name will be attached prominently to the gift. A fundraiser friend of mine always looks at “naming opportunities” when he first enters a facility. There is nothing wrong with giving to an organization and receiving public recognition. But one must be careful about the possibility of manipulation.

5) Obedience. If done out of respect and love, this is an excellent motive. If it is fear driven, then it is weak. A new Christian with great wealth was told by others he would be punished by God and stripped of his assets if he didn’t give super generously to the church. Obedient giving is not to obligate God but to obey Him.

6) Gratitude and love. Christian gratitude should start at Calvary and show itself in our consistent love. True love is extravagant, spontaneous, and natural.

7) God’s glory. When we give for His glory, we must be careful not to try to share the glory because God says He will not share with anyone. To give for His glory drives others to see Him for who He is.

This week think about: 1) What do I think about when I give? 2) How extravagant am I in my love for God? 3) What gives me the greatest joy in giving?

Words of Wisdom: “Obedient giving is not to obligate God, but to obey Him.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Each one of you should give just as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, because God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7 NET Bible)

Past Tense

Brenda’s Blog – May 9, 2017

“I am so old I still have an AOL email account.”

The speaker opened his QConference talk with this line. The mostly 30 and 40-somethings all laughed. Of course, I hoped none of them was planning to email me – at my AOL account!

When my 8 year old grandson was 6 he told me he was “kicking it old school.” I laughed thinking about this little one doing something in a long-ago way! Imagine what he would think if I showed him a dial phone and asked him to “old school” it.

Bill O’Reilly and other authors have picked up on the concept of introducing values of the past into the current social mix. One book talks about ways to integrate honesty, integrity, and work ethic into everyday life. One of the challenges is to define relationship in a way that works for 30 year olds, as well as 70ish others. What they consider outdated is the operating system for us.

Their desire to engage in causes reminds us of our earlier days when we passionately appealed for freedoms and fairness. Their energies are directed in ways that seem strange, even sometimes off base, to us. But their longing to make a difference is still an old school value.

There is common ground we should explore. We should seek communication which doesn’t ignore our differences, but desires to expand the conversation. Admitting to an AOL account may be a start.

Sharing the best of each generation enriches us all. We will probably find that old school and new school are not really that much in opposition. And especially when we come to the table with our Christian faith as the core. Listening to each other may build a bond which can only be good for the world. Together we can be healing and redemptive people with a song of hope to sing with each other.

Giving With Joy

Weekly Thought – May 9, 2017

Fred’s generosity covered financial support, but also the use of wisdom, time, and presence. His thoughts on giving were often sought by those who wanted to be good stewards. His ability to “sit loose to things” (a phrase he gleaned from Oswald Chambers) allowed him to give with great freedom.

Thank you for your ongoing support as BWFLI continues to impact Christian college and university campuses. Since our first event in 2008 we have brought 16 teams in contact with over 15,000 students. Your continued friendship through prayer and financial giving is greatly appreciated.

Giving With Joy

Money is an important scriptural concern. It shapes life in America as much or more than any other single item.

Here are several principles to consider for personal giving and also while leading others to give with integrity.

1) Giving may be harder than earning. A lifestyle of giving away money may be both difficult and dangerous. I say difficult because profitable stewardship requires a new and often more difficult discipline than making the money. It is dangerous because many temptations confront those with money to give.

2) Giving must move from duty to joy. The sheer administrative monotony of philanthropy can steal the joy. Administration is constant and often kills the delight. Freedom comes in crossing the line from duty to joy. Theologically, freedom comes in moving from works to grace.

3) Generous giving is a lifestyle. This involves more than the money or appreciated assets, techniques, or programs. It involves our spiritual maturity. How often am I willing to pray, “Lord, prosper me financially in proportion to my spiritual maturity?” What a snare if we try to bribe God with financial gifts to rationalize our failure to offer Him our spiritual gifts.

4) Motive is imperative. Biblical wisdom tells us “Out of the heart are the issues of life.” In the New Testament the story of Ananias and Sapphira warns us of wrong motives. As you remember, they claimed to donate 100%, but in actually held some back for themselves. They were greedy for credit and it cost them their lives. Their sin wasn’t in the reduced gift – it was the increased greed.

Obedient giving is not to obligate God, but to follow Him. We need to give – He doesn’t need the money. The glory which accrues to Him is the goal – along with our maturity.

This week think about: 1) How serious am I about my giving? 2) When I consider my stewardship do I just think about money? 3) What will increase my joy in giving?

Words of Wisdom: “Theologically, freedom comes in moving from works to grace.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And you, Solomon my son, obey the God of your father and serve him with a submissive attitude and a willing spirit, for the LORD examines all minds and understands every motive of one’s thoughts. If you seek him, he will let you find him, but if you abandon him, he will reject you permanently.” (1 Chronicles 28:9 NET Bible)

Overcoming, not Overwhelming

Weekly Thought – May 2, 2017

Fred believed we have much to learn from our enemies. He also believed we are known by not only the friends, but also our enemies. He also believed in external and internal opposition. “Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.”

Overcoming, not Overwhelming

Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan tells the story of Christian and his trek to the Celestial City. Along the way are the City of Delight and the Valley of Despair. He starts on his way, determined to persevere, but the enemies actively pursue him. Successful perseverance comes by overcoming the enemies cleverly disguised, and customized to fit each traveler and each situation.

Many of our obstacles may be external, but the most serious are generally internal. When I was a director of the S.H Kress Company, I visited the stores and asked the manager about his problems. If he described them as externally driven, I doubted his managerial capabilities. If he discussed the internal problems, I knew we had a manager with potential for progress. This manager defined situations he could do something about. Certainly, there were external threats, but most were out of his control.

Each step of the perseverance process comes back to building good mental disciplines. Fighting the enemies of endurance requires good habits. Start with a reflex, and then train it into a habit. Habits are our friends.

A couple came to see me saying, “We have a problem.” As I listened, it became clear she had nothing to do with the creation of the problem. Yet, she maturely accepted ownership as half of the marriage partnership. She could have easily said (and I have heard it many times before), “This stupid husband of mine, much against my advice, lost our money.” But she didn’t. And, eventually they worked together to find an answer. She knew that resolution, not recrimination, was the road to solution.

How easy it is in rough times to point fingers and shift blame. From childhood we learn to respond like a quick draw sharpshooter.”It’s not my fault.” Our third grandchild is a boy named Jeff. He was born behind two strong-willed sisters. One day when he was still a pre-schooler our daughter heard him mumbling to himself. She got close enough to hear, “Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.” “Jeff, what did you do?” “Nothing – I’m just practicing for when Heather and Meredith blame me.”

This week think about: 1) What reflexes am I honing into good habits? 2) What are the customary pitfalls on my journey? 3) How do I assess my external and internal threats?

Words of Wisdom: “She knew that resolution, not recrimination, was the road to solution.”

Wisdom from the Word: “You have joy, Israel! Who is like you? You are a people delivered by the Lord, your protective shield and your exalted sword. May your enemies cringe before you; may you trample on their backs.” (Deuteronomy 33:29 NET Bible)

One Day at a Time

Brenda’s Blog – April 25, 2017

“Daily use will prevent soap scum, hard water, and other stains.”

The Clean Shower dispenser sits on my shower seat. I see it every day and finally it connected with me on a spiritual level.

In a Christian’s life what can be used daily to prevent scum and stains? What do we need to apply day by day to protect us from the building up of yuck?

A clean relationship with the Lord and others comes through regular application of prayer, Bible reading, meditation, and fellowship with believers. These need to be sprayed generously and regularly to avoid the pollution of this world.

If I miss days in my shower, the work to restore the cleanliness requires more work. If I miss days of conversing with God through Bible study, prayer, and communion with others I start seeing the soap scum gathering around the edges of my soul. I can never lose my salvation, but I can lose the joy of my salvation.

As I squirt Clean Shower I need to remember to cover the corners of my spiritual life, as well.

For me this means starting the day out with the recital of The Lord’s Prayer. Not because it is a personal prayer, but because it is a “we prayer” – praying for the entire Body of Christ. It connects me with others as I ask our great God to provide, and protect.

Then I put on the spiritual armor. This is crucial to avoid the hard stains of the world. I put on the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the truth belt, the peace shoes, stand behind the shield of faith, and then take in my hand the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God… then having done this I pray at all times in the Spirit.

There is no absolute guarantee that sin and slime won’t affect me, but daily doses of spiritual disciplines will certainly reduce the long-term effects.

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