Ask Fred

Weekly Thought – July 16, 2019

Fred respected his gifts and worked diligently to nurture them. Principle-based thinking allowed him to apply wisdom to diverse situations. Even until his final days men and women came from great distances to ask him questions. When the website (www.breakfastwithfred.com) began, one element was an Ask Fred column. After hearing the question, he would dictate an answer which appeared on the website.

Bob Tiede develops leaders for Cru, business, and other ministries. His appreciation of key questions is a major part of his lifework. Check out his website: www.leadingwithquestions.com

The time for repair and refreshment arrived this year for both websites. Please pray for wisdom as we make decisions about the direction, the sources, and the content. Thank you. If you can financially support this undertaking, we will gratefully receive all gifts.

Ask Fred

“Fred, how can a man conquer his weaknesses?”

“In the first place, he never will. It is fundamental humanistic thinking that asserts man is perfectible…he is not. In fact, I was very much interested in one of the ancient mystics whom I greatly respect saying God leaves sin in people’s lives so that they might remain humble and it also gives man an opportunity to see God’s work. It also lets us see how flawed we are and how very far we are from perfection. I don’t know how this fits with my Southern Baptist teaching, but the idea intrigues me.

You have to be sure you are clear when you talk about weakness on the difference between human mistake, and sin. A human mistake can usually be corrected with good effort and intention. Sin has to be dealt with through confession and repentance. There must be a turning away through the power of the Holy Spirit. When you say “weakness,” are you thinking human mistake or sin?

One caution: be careful not to call sin a mistake. I believe very much in prayer and asking for the Spirit’s help in the struggle against human frailties which are sin.

Also, I must ask tell you about two questions I ask myself: “What are my constructive strengths and what are my destructive weaknesses?” If what I see as a weakness is not destructive, then I don’t spend much time working on it because I found the energy expended on a minor weakness could be much more effectively applied to my productive strengths. I am convinced the things I do well, I am much more eager to do than focusing on overcoming weaknesses.

I repeat: when you talk about overcoming weaknesses are you talking about skills, or character flaws? Training programs can be designed for one, but the other is strictly dealt with on a spiritual basis. Make sure you understand how you are defining weakness, then handle it appropriately. But if it is not destructive, don’t waste your time trying to improve when true progress is made in the area of your strengths.”

This week think about: 1) How honest am I about defining my destructive weaknesses? 2) What energy am I applying to my constructive strengths? 3) When do I feel tempted to call sin a mistake?

Words of Wisdom: “I believe very much in prayer and asking for the Spirit’s help in the struggle against human frailties which are sin.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous, forgiving us our sins and cleansing us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 NET Bible)

Crossing the Finish Line

Brenda’s Blog – July 16, 2019

“I’m going to make it.”

The words were spoken with a matter-of-fact tone. There were no high fives, just quiet resolve.

The second attempt at parole seemed within reach. The first one lasted 45 days with a return to prison. This 90 day stint is down to 25. “I’m done unless I do something stupid and get a charge.”

Crossing the finish line isn’t always easy, especially for some personality types. Those motivated by ideas and new beginnings often lag in the last quarter, leaving projects incomplete. Having another come alongside to provide execution allows ideas to become reality.
I once heard a story about John Lennon. He was one filled with ideas, but less adept at implementation. He and Yoko Ono were an ideal pair – he created and she executed. The story goes on to say during a 14 month separation his creative juices totally dried up. When they were reconciled his ideas flowed until he was killed.

I am an idea person who needs a Yoko for major endeavors. I am most grateful for the provision of those who sees the end and runs with me when I falter. Crossing he line together is great joy?

Have you ever taken on a project and struggled to get the last page, task, mile completed? Or, do you have the skills to make a dream into a reality? Each of you needs the “other half” to make it all it can be.

My young friend’s hope came in seeing that this time he would not leave the task incomplete; he would cross that finish line knowing the satisfaction of completion. He had the help of friends and family, a supportive employer, and a parole officer who believes in him.
His hope in the accomplishment gives him energy and purpose. His opportunity to experience success may be a step toward a favorable outcome.

Stress for Singles

Weekly Thought – July 9, 2019

Fred and Mary Alice Smith welcomed their son and namesake on July 2nd in an unrevealed year. One of the elder Fred’s life changes was having to add the Sr. to his name because the younger Fred Smith’s reputation was so wide spread. Happy Birthday!

Fred always spoke of his work as “bread on the water.” He thoroughly enjoyed seeing the impact as it flowed back. This year BWFLI has experienced a great bounty of returning bread. The contact with students, faculty, and administration continues to reflect the value of investing into the lives of the next generation. We are grateful to speak life to those who continue to grow in Christ and leadership.

Stress for Singles

The pressures of time, peers, and money impact all of us, but particularly singles. The question always arises: How can I live on the fast track, but not the frantic track?

Mary Alice and I haven’t been single in a long time, since anniversary 66 is coming up. But I get frequent requests to speak to singles groups. When we talk about relationship we usually think of people, but a broader perspective enables us to consider some common pressures. In my time with singles here are three I have observed. The relationship to:

1) Time: Many singles I know fear exclusion. They accept invitations often just to “stay in the loop.” The avoidance of aloneness pushes them to a life filled with activity, but not necessarily productivity. As a young man I made a decision to identify my gifts and focus my time on those elements. If people tried to draw me away from them as primary with their own agendas, I said no. (Of course, as an introvert, I required a great deal of reflection, so staying busy had little appeal.) When I get to know someone I like to tell me how they spent the last week. When I get a sense of their rhythm, time choices, and activities I know much about their priorities. Being single seems to exaggerate the need to master time management. Knowing how best to invest time, not just spend it is a critical skill to develop.

2) Peers: When our firstborn granddaughter was 18 Mary Alice and I took her on a trip. She packed and packed. Before I snapped into executive mode and criticized her I remembered what Jay Kesler (then President of Youth for Christ and then Taylor University) told me. “Fred, you have got to know teenage girls have a great desire to fit in. They are never quite sure what the rest of the group is wearing, so they change over and over.” When I thought about this I realized she was actually being very strategic: she was bringing everything she owned just to give herself options. I see adult peer pressure in the singles I know, as well. They give others the power to set their direction, their goals, and definition of accomplishment. They may have outgrown over packing, but they still feel the conflict of looking to others to judge how they are doing. They let others set the standards and write the scripts.

3) Money: When I speak at singles weekend retreats I have a great deal of time to talk one on one. Repeatedly I hear their stories of financial insecurity and particularly those of failed debt management. Madison Avenue purposefully and powerfully targets this demographic. They invest big numbers to attract, persuade, and sell singles from 25-45. The importance of “looking the part” drives them to specific exercise, workout, leisure activity, date, and work clothing. The pressure to “fake it ‘til you make it” puts tremendous stress on budgets. It is hard to have a real plan for finances when impulse and the expectations of others drive the outflow. The book of Proverbs reminds us that being in debt puts the person in bondage to the creditor. I hear the rattle of chains way too often.
Money should be a tool, and not an idol. It should be a way to provide options, but it is also a stewardship.

This week think about: 1) How effective is my use of time? 2) Who influences my sense of achievement? 3) When am I tempted to make impulsive expenditures?

Words of Wisdom: “It is important to find a way to run on the fast track while avoiding the frantic track.”

Wisdom from the Words: “So we must not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9 NET Bible)

Cultural Cacophony

Brenda’s Blog – July 2, 2019

“The noise of battle all around you is unnerving.” Colonel Richard Goldsmith sat with an interviewer from the Madison County (AL) Hall of Heroes as an inductee answering his questions. They discussed his Army service in the Vietnam era. This comment made me stop and think.

We, too, are surrounded by the noise of battle. And, yes, it is unnerving. We are in the midst of clashing values which distract and discourage. How are we to know who to follow? What should be our answer to pressing problems?

Scripture says, “Be still and know that I am God.” How difficult that is in a world which shouts at us, over us, and around us. Turning down the volume as much as possible is a good option. Silence is a requirement for mental health. But even putting “sabbath rest” into our schedule is temporary. We must eventually return to the fray.

We turn on the news and the panelists see who can out bully the others with bold gestures and shrill voices. No stillness to be found!
As Christians we are called to put on the armor of God. The underlying assumption is constant warfare. We are not living in a safe space, but are battered by the conflict of God’s will versus that of “the power of this world.” It is noisy — it is unnerving.

But Jesus promises peace, doesn’t He? Not “spa day” peace, but peace which passes ordinary understanding because it exists in the tumult. It is quiet which is found in the rancor of arguments and the crushing pain of brokenness.

But we are not alone in this battle. The Holy Spirit gives us strength, comfort, and direction. The furor may swirl around us, but we have the hope of His courage. We may hear the world’s effort to drown out the small, still voice of God, but He breaks through calming us. The noise of battle can be unnerving, but when we walk with Jesus we know the victory has been won!

Grounded in Hope

Weekly Thought- July 2, 2019

Fred lived in a state of realistic hope. He disciplined himself to take neither a darkly pessimistic, nor hyper optimistic viewpoint. He challenged others to “wait to worry.” He was a fact-based thinker which allowed him to live in hope while keeping current on the situation and not drifting off into the wish mentality.

2019 is an exciting year for BWF. The revisions on You and Your Network are being done. We are working with Tracey Jones, President of Tremendous Leadership Books. A manuscript for What’s Next is in process, as well. And, of course, the vital and necessary updates on the websites are beginning. Please continue to pray for these projects and if led, please help us financially underwrite these efforts.

Grounded in Hope

The three key words in the closing verses of 1 Corinthians 13 are “faith, hope, and love.” Is the Apostle Paul making a climactic statement that hope is more than faith and love is greater than hope? Certainly, it is one of the controlling emotions in our lives. Faith is largely present, hope is largely future, and love transcends all time. Hope is our belief in the future based on Christ who holds it. Hope is not for the seen, but the unseen much like faith.

As the philosopher said, “a man can stand almost anything as long as he has hope.” When hope goes and hopelessness becomes the ruling emotion, suicide is often the course. Scripture says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life.”

I have a Polish physical therapist whose job is to stretch my muscles back into usefulness after months and months of being bed-bound. I find when he counts out loud I have hope of his quitting because I know the routine and know when the end is coming. When he doesn’t I don’t have the confidence that the end is in sight. Hope energizes patience. It gives reason for tenacity. It promotes discipline in accomplishment.

The source of hope is not hoping in hope, but in putting hope in something larger and more permanent like Scripture, or our belief that our life has purpose – even when we don’t see it. Hope requires a definable object. Hope for the Christian is eternity – the “blessed hope.” That opens the door for us to hope while here on earth. Mary Alice’s favorite hymn was “Take the Name of Jesus With You.” She rocked our three children and sang that song. As we said goodbye to her, the family stood together and sang that hymn. One of the phrases refers to the hope we have in the name of Jesus which is “the hope of earth and joy of heaven.” Another favorite hymn line is : “my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’s blood and righteousness.” That is hope anchored in reality and truth.

Hope also provides peace for those of us who require objectivity. We can take hope in a changeless God. He can be the standard because he doesn’t waiver. We can hope in who He says He is because he means it.

This week think about: 1) Where is my ultimate hope? 2) How do I distinguish hope from wishing? 3) What allows me to live with hope?

Words of Wisdom: “Hope energizes patience. It gives reason for tenacity. It promotes discipline in accomplishment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5 NET Bible)

The Value of Network

Weekly Thought – June 25, 2019

Fred and Mary Alice married on June 25, 1937 in Nashville, TN. He loved to say, “We had $5.00 when we married. And if she had saved more we would have had more since it was her $5.00. They rode a trolley downtown and shared a Krystal hamburger for their honeymoon. They celebrated 67 years in 2004 just months before Mary Alice’s death. They truly understood and lived ‘til death do you part.

2019 is the year of reconstruction and repair. The breakfastwithfred.com website has served faithfully, but its functionality is showing severe wear. Would you consider contributing to the website update project? Thank you.

The Value of Network

Networking has various levels and definitions. I want to talk about the qualities of healthy relationships within your personal network.

First, establish mutuality. I maintain the strongest friendships have a foundation of mutual benefit, meaning we can be equally helpful to each other. For example, Jack Modesett and I talk frequently on the phone sharing ideas, quotations, and articles. He knows my major interests and I know his. When each of us sees something we know the other would appreciate, we make a point of sharing it. Mutual benefit.

Second, check out chemistry. By that I mean finding out if you have the same values and philosophy of life. For example, if one is fundamentally selfish and self-focused, this will not fit well with another who sees other-focused as a core value.

Third, assure confidentiality and trust. There are different degrees of relationship in networks. The essential nature of deep relationships leads to knowledge of intimate details. Therefore, the need for absolute confidence and trust is critical.

Fourth, take the necessary time. My mentor, Maxey Jarman, said he could not afford the time to have many friends. In my own relationships I take this responsibility seriously. I will not shoot from the hip or give a top of mind and quick reaction without adequate preparation and thought. My friends count on me to take the time to be their friend. I, also, know my inner circle devotes time to my questions.

Fifth, diversify expertise. I want to have many different areas of expertise in my personal network. For example, when I have a business decision one of the men I call is Lee Roy Mitchell because I am confident in his acumen and experience.

Networks are helpful on minor, as well as major issues. For example, I may simply need the name of someone my memory won’t recall as quickly as I would like. My networking Rolodex includes a most helpful variety of people.

A good network keeps the members apprised of events that would be interesting or helpful. Over the years I enjoy tearing out articles from magazines or newspapers and attaching a small “thought you would be interested” handwritten note before sending it out.

This week carefully think about: 1) Which point sparks my interest? 2) Who in my network helps me grow? 3) What do I need to strengthen my network?

Words of Wisdom: “I maintain the strongest friendships have a foundation of mutual benefit, meaning we can be equally helpful to each other.”

Wisdom from the Word: “This saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on such truths, so that those who have placed their faith in God may be intent on engaging in good works. These things are good and beneficial for all people.” (Titus 3:8 NET Bible)

Family Budgeting

Weekly Thought – June 18, 2019

Fred and Mary Alice devoted themselves to fiscal soundness. Growing up in economically depressed situations, they never outgrew their belief in financial responsibility. His thoughts on family budgeting fly in the face of incurring debt and hoping to out run the creditors.

Family Budgeting

Budgeting is done each year. I look back at the prior year, seeing how much money was spent on each category, then decided what amounts needed to be assigned for the present year. Planning always allows for outgo to be less than income. Items like savings, giving, and investment are integral parts of the overall budget.

We separated our needs from our wants from the very beginning. We needed safe transportation so we bought a used car, never a new one. We needed a comfortable home in a secure neighborhood, but never a luxurious one. Mary Alice fed us well, so we minimized our eating out.

Originally, at the beginning of our marriage we set our lifestyle to live on 80% of our income (which was $208 per month); 10% to savings and 10% to tithing. As the income grew we lived on a lower percentage and increased our savings, giving, and investment. Never did we live above our income.

We never bought on the installment plan because we wanted to make interest on our money, not pay it. We determined to pay cash for all luxuries. Mary Alice was given operating money for her part of the budget. She had a separate checking account she managed and I never controlled. We divided the budget into percentages, not dollar amounts. Mary Alice took 25% to run the household. My 75% covered all other expenses, including housing, transportation, insurance, savings, contributions, vacations, and my own personal expenses.

We focused on realistic needs, not wants. And even as our income increased we didn’t increase our spending, but rather increased our saving, giving, and investment. Eventually we lived on 50% of our income.

When our children were in college we bought a second home in Southern Pines, NC. Our friends were all shocked for they had no idea we were financially capable of that expenditure. Living at a 50% level provides freedom.
I want to say a word about my philosophy of money. Money is important, extremely important. I think of it like blood. I make blood to live, but I don’t live to make blood. Money is option. With it you have opportunities; without it your options and opportunities are greatly reduced. Money doesn’t determine your worth. The amount of money you have represents accumulation, not a measure of worth. Savings provide moral freedom. I knew as a young man how critical it was to have enough saved that I could walk away from a job that asked me to do something illegal or immoral. And finally, materialism is often an idol. Giving is the drain plug for greed.
My budget plan isn’t set in concrete. This is just the way Mary Alice and I did it. It worked well for us and I hope you find a philosophy that works well for you.

This week think about: 1) Do I have a philosophy of money? 2) What is my definition of enough? 3) How does money influence my lifestyle decisions?

Words of Wisdom: “And even as our income increased we didn’t increase our spending, but rather increased our saving, giving, and investment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Your conduct must be free from the love of money and you must be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you and I will never abandon you.’” (Hebrews 13:5 NET Bible)

What Good Is It?

Brenda’s Blog – June 18, 2019

“This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.” The disclaimer made me laugh. The ad talked of the bountiful blessings supplied by this supplement. Yet, at the end of the commercial a very friendly voice repeated these words. So, what exactly does it do?

I learned that there is a broad category of producing well being that is acceptable for such products. Okay, I am a proponent of well-being, but I am not sure an expensive herbal supplement is the best answer.

What puts limits on our lives? What challenges our well-being?

Stress? Fear? Anger? Studies are showing loneliness is almost epidemic. Dr. Sandra Gray, President of Asbury University, told our What’s Next Roundtable team depression, loneliness, and anxiety are major issues for the students. The more social media increases its incursion into our lives, the higher the level of discontent and loneliness registers.

The more we escalate the speed of life the slower our ability to process and integrate becomes. Overloading our emotional and physical systems results in crashes and lack of wholeness.

What would our disclaimer look like in the wired, ramped up life? This way of life isn’t intended to produce joy, stability, or happiness. Yet, like the supplement we trade our days for a lifestyle which is more hype than hope.

What is the answer? The only one I know is being grounded in the Word of God, seeking His rhythm for our lives. Knowing we are here for a reason provides a foundation for a less chaotic existence. Putting our trust in a God creates an equilibrium which balances out the craziness of the disconnected, but ever connected world of social media.

It is time to do our own personal cost/benefit statement. Are we buying into a life which ultimately opens us to loneliness? Are we exchanging well-being for what looks like being well positioned? What good is a life which spirals down into a puddle of confusion?

Too Strange for Arithmetic

Weekly Thought – June 11,2019

Fred believed in the sovereignty of God. His acknowledgement of God’s overarching power and control was a fact of life for him. It did not allow him to shirk his human responsibilities, however. He was wise, discerning, and hopeful. He was pragmatic, intellectually astute and bottom line, as well.

The work has begun on updating the breakfastwithfred.com website. Also, Tracey Jones and her publishing company are working with BWF to do a reprint of You and Your Network. This is a busy year for BWF. Your prayerful support is greatly appreciated. And if you can financially support us as we undertake these large projects, we will accept the gifts with gratitude.

Too Strange for Arithmetic

I got a call from a church on the West Coast where I had spoken for many years at their annual men’s retreat. By this time my physical condition didn’t allow me to travel. They wanted me to do a call which would be broadcast to the audience. Over these years I had built a very close friendship with the group and appreciated this effort.

The retreat was in the mountains. When it came time for the call reception was very spotty. They had multiple technical difficulties with the entire telephone system. Even though their sound men were first class, the retreat center would not help them by letting them use the camp’s phone setup and lines. Without a line they were unable to achieve the conference call which would make this work.

The camp told the church that the lady who lived across the road complained about everything they did and didn’t want to upset her by the use of a temporary generator.

Just as the technicians told the hosts it was impossible a man and his son walked in to register for the retreat. His job was with the phone company! Strangely enough, they had gotten off work, driven up in the work truck which contained all the necessary tools, and spurs for climbing the pole. But the neighbor was still standing in the way.

They went across the road and asked if they could use her phone line for a brief call, explaining the relationship between the group and me – as well as telling them about my being bedbound.

She graciously invited them in, agreed to what they wanted, gave them lemonade, and hugged them when they left. Mission accomplished. When they called me I could hear them clearly and the sound guys said the transmission was top notch.

So many things happened against the odds that we knew the Lord got the credit. Many times His work defies human mathematics. Since then I have seen other occurrences to the point that those around me talk about events being “beyond arithmetic.”

Non-believers may call these “coincidences,” but we who understand the sovereignty of God see them as evidences of His active presence in our everyday lives.

This week think about: 1) When have I had a “beyond arithmetic” experience? 2) How quickly do I acknowledge the hand of God in my day to day? 3) What can I do to trust Him more this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Many times His work defies human mathematics.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Acknowledge God’s power, his sovereignty over Israel, and the power he reveals in the skies!” (Psalm 68:34 NET Bible)

Probing Questions

Weekly Thought – June 4, 2019

Fred enjoyed people who were interested in him, but not curious about him. His questions are a way of expressing that without being invasive. Many of the questions he asks in the mentoring section of the leadership library are helpful for personal evaluation. Here are several with Fred’s casual responses which give you insight into his thinking. He sat down as we threw the questions to him and responded from his deep well of experience and thinking.

June is a month for our schools to begin summer schedules. Join with us on the prayer network as we lift them up before the Lord.

Probing Questions

1) Question: What irritates me? Fred: Small talk and wasted time are two major irritants. And to be frank, I probably have an ego irritation when I feel I have been under-appreciated. This is wrong, but it is true. There is always the irritation of incompatible associates. In my experience, love solves the rub of these irritants.

2) Q: What situations make me feel insecure? Fred: Fortunately (and thankfully) my belief in the gifts I have been given enhances my confidence. When I was young I had no social or educational advantages, but I knew God had given me the ability to think, to communicate, and to network (even before I had any idea what that meant). An evangelist believed in me and said, “Fred, take the gift God has given you, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” That was his paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16. As long as I stay within my gifts I have confidence. I am sure if I wandered randomly outside those areas, I would experience insecurity. Another key: when I feel small with God, I feel confident. When I feel large without Him, I am insecure.

3) Q: What do I do to be liked? Fred: I had much rather be respected than merely liked. When I am respected I can be a leader while just being liked makes me pleasant to be around, but doesn’t really qualify me for leadership. I am eager for certain people in my life (special friends, family) to like me, but I am fortunate to have little or no need to be liked by a great number. I defined myself to myself and that has supported me through periods of favor and disfavor. I found liking myself in key areas of my life and respecting the way I am growing is important – much more than the opinions of those who may not really know me. Self-respect is critical to my health. One additional thing: When I die I want my family (especially my children) to love me, not need me. I want the relationship to be one of mutual respect, not their dependence on me.

This week think about: 1) How would I answer any of these questions if asked? 2) Which question triggers some self-evaluation? 3) How am developing my ability to ask questions?

Words of Wisdom: “When I feel small with God, I feel confident. When I feel large without Him, I am insecure.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When the queen of Sheba heard about Solomon, she came to challenge him with difficult questions.” (1 Kings 10:1 NET Bible)

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