Weekly Thought – July 12, 2022

Fred often wore the “heavy hat” as he sat on boards. His ability to see truth and then follow through with appropriate action were foundational to his ethical standards. Proper confrontation was clear to him and seen as a leader’s responsibility.

A Case for Confrontation

In the matter of confrontation, I probably am called on more than anybody else I know. People in business, ministry, even family situations get around their own involvement by saying “Smith enjoys conflict.” NO, I don’t enjoy it at all. But I will confront if it is productive. But let’s be clear: confrontation is only called for when the goal is productivity.

A recent situation is a good example. An individual has failed to face a problem. It got very serious, and very expensive so they came to me. When I said to the leader in charge he dodged the problem, finally saying, “I can’t, would you?” He has a distinct failing in this area. He often refuses to confront until he gets mad, then becomes abusive. That is not productive confrontation. I stepped in, not because I like or enjoy it. I took action because I believed it was the right thing to be done, and whatever is right should be done.

The Christian community has done a very poor job with confrontation. I am convinced the level of individual accomplishment in Christian organizations is notoriously lower (as a whole) than it should be because unlike business, the leaders confuse the presence of love means the absence of confrontation.

This often cowardly policy shows a lack of maturity. Waiting until you are mad, at the point of embarrassment by the behavior, or pushed into a corner creates an unhealthy environment.

A man asked me to talk to one of his friends. I agreed and met him for breakfast. As we talked I found out he had just done some extremely foolish things. So, I gave him a verbal kick in the pants. Afterwards, I called my friend to tell him about the meeting. I said, “I’m sorry, but the friend you sent to me probably didn’t particularly like or appreciate what I did, but I kicked him in the pants.” He responded, “Fred, I am really glad you did that. I would have, but I didn’t want to lose the friendship.”

I believe he has the concept completely wrong. I think his friendship (if it is truly a friendship) was the basis for the appropriate confrontation. Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.

A quick family word: Mary Alice and I decided when the children came along we were going to be their parents, not their buddies, pals, or friends. This flew in the face of the social culture of the 50s and 60s. We weren’t always the favorite parents, but we knew it was our responsibility to lovingly and productively confront at times. We have three fine adult children who now follow that pattern with their own families.

This week think about: 1) How “risk averse” am I to confront? 2) What helps me understand confrontation must be productive, not reactive? 3) When am I called on to be “the heavy?”

Words of Wisdom: “Until I am willing to risk a relationship with a truthful confrontation, that relationship really isn’t worthwhile.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Against you—you above all—I have sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. So you are just when you confront me; you are right when you condemn me.” (Psalm 51:4 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 21,2022

Fred looked at life’s patterns. His remarkable understanding of principles allowed him to analyze and categorize life seasons. One which is recognized as helpful by many is the description of valleys and plateaus.

Celebrate the Highs and Lows

Sound development requires a program providing plateaus where our information is turned into knowledge through experience, then heading to another climb. The healthy individual uses the plateau(or valley)for assimilation before starting out again. Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.
The danger is not accepting the plateau as normal and becoming hooked on reaching the peak where we try to stay too long or even artificially filling up the valley with drugs, alcohol, or busyness.

Each of us must respect the principle that the food we grow in the valley (on the plateau) we eat on the mountain top (the climb). If we were to graph personal development the line would not go straight up. Our bodies and minds are designed for ups and downs.

Maturity and age are not synonymous. I am convinced the concept of plateaus and climbs is an accurate measure of development. Those who live believing the “best is yet to be” tend to understand the value of the valleys, learning as much as possible in preparation for the next climb. When we start circling round and round aimlessly without assimilating and certainly without attaining the climb, we are aging.

The purposefulness of the method is critical to grasp. The cycle has a rhythm which cannot be violated. Young “world beaters” often call me wanting to discuss their futures. Quickly I can ascertain if they have a hold on the principle of climbing, then plateauing to assimilate, then climbing again. Those who see the valleys as the abode of the losers don’t get a second appointment. I know they will burn out without making the contribution of those who practice alternating climbing and plateauting.

As we apply this principle we can identify progress is not equally distributed. Think of the various divisions of life: career, family, social life, financial and physical health – all are vital elements of life. Each requires its own charting of the plateaus and the climbs. Each must have its own development plan acknowledging all may (and probably will) have differing time lines for growth and maturity.

This week think about: 1) How well do I manage this principle? 2) What helps me to be most productive in the valleys? 3) Which area of life experiences the most dramatic highs and lows?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who try to go up too fast run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences. They develop hollow spots.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For everything there is an appointed time, and an appropriate time for every activity on earth.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – June 14, 2022

Fred when asked by his son “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be the topic?” He answered, “the nature of God and the nature of man.” Understanding both were fundamental to his thinking about how the world worked. Managing emotions was a lifelong study for Fred.

Wait To Worry

Worry is the nagging headache of the soul. I as once a fulltime worrier, but I relinquished my membership in the club somewhere in the 1940s as I looked at my goals and whatever obstacles hindered me. Resigning from this club is hard to do for once you join getting out is difficult. Maybe my experience will be helpful to you.

Now I wasn’t a part-time worrier – I was no amateur. I couldn’t call it quits at night because that would be downright disrespect for my status as a professional worrier. Instead, I sat up with a pot of coffee – rocking, drinking coffee, and worrying. When I finally went to bed I didn’t just lie there tossing and turning – I would lie there and perk!

I decided to stop worrying. After years of thought and practice I made it. Here is what I found out: Most of my worry came before I had any facts. After I got the facts I was so busy working out the answer I didn’t take the time to worry. Therefore, I wrote on the inside of my skull – WAIT TO WORRY. Every time I started to worry I asked myself if I had all the facts. If I didn’t then I told myself “wait to worry.” Gradually a habit formed and after two or three years worrying was conquered.

However, in the process I found some interesting things about worry. For example, I saw a survey that showed 40% of what people worry about things that have passed; 30% never will happen; 22% when it happens will be so minor it won’t be worth worrying about; and only 8% will be real. That meant I was 92% wrong in my worrying. I wanted to do better than that.

Another thing I discovered was what we worry about today we will probably laugh about tomorrow. Listen to people at a class reunion laugh about things that weren’t funny at all at the time they originally happened, but they are now. Our children learned when things got tense to ask, “Dad, is this something we are going to laugh about tomorrow?” Those children are now parents and I hear them repeating those words to their kids.

This week think about: 1) What keeps me up at night? 2) How am I overcoming the worry habit? 3) Who models emotional maturity for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Wait to Worry”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 31, 2022

Fred illustrated his principles in ways his audiences could apply. Although he understood advanced theoretical content, he believed his giftedness included communicating ideas in transferable ways. He thought of ideas as pans which needed handles to pass from one person to another in the kitchen. He wanted to make sure he provided accessible handles.

Emotional Energy

We all come with a portfolio of emotions. Learning to manage them profitably is our job. Emotional situations produce energy. The better we manage and control and response to them, the better able we are to successfully utilize the energy.

Often the rigid person is blown apart by the very emotions that could have produced positive energy. I think about the way cars are designed. They are propelled by a series of controlled explosions – each separately timed and contained by elements in the design. Our emotional energy flows through us. Although we can’t perfectly time them, we can exercise control through planning, and discipline. I see this as one of man’s challenges.

On the other hand, the flexible person learns and employs the principle: “Don’t panic.” This comes with constant mental discipline, even in the smallest situations. I found it took a decision against panic always, no matter what. I practice to stay cool in the everyday happenings knowing this will build a habit that will keep me flexible when serious situations arise.

If you freeze in the little events, you will most likely lock up when the really difficult ones come.

Let me share a personal example: I have visualized and “lived through” each and every crisis I can imagine so that if any occurs, I will have practiced my response and prepared. I have friends who criticize this method saying I don’t have God’s grace until the situation arises, but I am not “borrowing trouble,” I am just thinking through situations (whether business or family) and formulating an action plan. I am disciplining myself mentally and spiritually.

My word of counsel on disciplining emotions is PRACTICE. Make emotional energy work for you. I find driving freeways and raising children provide adequate opportunities to work on flexibility and jettison rigidity.

This week consider: 1) How flexible am I emotionally? 2) What sets me off and how can I manage my response? 3) When do I handle emotional situations well?

Words of Wisdom: “If you freeze in the little situations, you will most probably lock up when the really difficult ones come.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.” (Proverbs 29:11 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – May 24, 2022

Fred thought and taught much about stress. He addressed business audiences, as well as ministry groups. Although they had different missions, he pointed out the similarities in their need for managing stress.

Building Internal Strength

I was asked to speak to 25 leading Southern Baptist pastors who showed great interest in knowing what laymen were thinking about handling stress. I told them that business people learn to balance the exterior circumstances with the internal condition. When external circumstances build up pressure and become threatening, attention must be turned to strengthening our internal condition or we will become like the doctor who gets so involved during an epidemic curing the sick he neglects his own health and dies from the very same disease.

A submarine must have the interior pressurized as it submerges or the outside water pressure will crush it. As long as the exterior and interior pressures are balanced there will be zero stress. Another example is the potter who learns the great skill of matching the pressure of the inside hand against the outside hand. Too much pressure from the inside and the clay bulges; too much from the outside and it caves in.

Too often the exterior gets so consuming we pray for the external pressure to be decreased rather than asking for the interior to be strengthened. An old saint prayed not that the burden would be lighter, but that he might become stronger.
One of my favorite examples is Tommy Armour, the “Silver Scot” of golf game. When other pros were talking about weakening the right hand to keep from hooking he said, “NO, strengthen the left hand and then whup the heck out of it with the right.” He was the initiator of the long ball.

Balancing the exterior and interior came home to me recently. I was scheduled to teach the Elliott class and chose this very subject because I was thinking a lot about it. On Saturday morning I went out to the garage to get in the car and head out for a busy day. I could see there was a white substance and oil on the garage window. When I opened the door I realized we had been vandalized. Someone threw a gallon of white paint and two gallons of used crankcase oil on the door. Such an experience does have a way of altering your agenda! Fairly quickly I thought, “Tomorrow I am going to talk about strengthening our internal condition to offset our external stresses. Now I have a great illustration.”

This week think carefully about: 1) How well do I keep the interior and exterior in balance? 2) What stressors are most troublesome right now? 3) Where do I find the greatest balance?

Words of Wisdom: “When external circumstances build up pressure and becomes threatening then we have to turn our attention to strengthening our internal condition.”

Wisdom from the Word: “My hand will support him, and my arm will strengthen him.” (Psalm 89:21 NET Bible)