Keeping Things Healthy

Weekly Thought – May 28, 2024

Fred thought about all aspects of health. He enjoyed the friendship of medical professionals and engaged them in the philosophy of medicine. He carefully analyzed the meaning of full health (physical, financial, relational, spiritual) and monitored the elements each year (Note: These notes from Fred were dictated in the 80s. His consideration of this topic was early in the popular conversation.)

Keeping Things Healthy

I have eclectic reading interests although I stay within the categories of philosophy, psychology, and theology. This allows me to study much about both the nature of God and the nature of man. Our son, Fred once asked me, “Dad, if you had one more talk to give what would be your topic?” Without hesitating I answered, “The nature of God and the nature of man.”

I have been very much interested in how stress immobilizes our defense mechanisms. I feel the Bible oftentimes gives us the solution to the problem without stating the problem at all. It assumes we accept the Word as authority and that obedience will be beneficial.

Shame does not coexist with emotional health. I am thinking a lot about the relation between shame and guilt. As I see shame, it’s an evaluation of condition. Self-loathing is not equivalent to guilt which is a reaction to an act based on a personal value system. Some have no guilt after an act that would create enormous guilt in someone else. An article I read said that the only physical evidence of shame is a “turning away of the face.” Remember how Adam answered God after he had sinned, “I hid myself for I was ashamed.” I am going to continue thinking about the two concepts: shame and guilt.

Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people. Headlines about sports figures, business competitors – even ministry leaders communicate the destruction of revenge. Psychologically, revenge is known to be one of the most damaging emotions. Dr. Hans Selye, the noted Nobel Prize winning scientist, lists revenge as the #1 emotion to avoid. This just makes good sense. If you have a “hate list” – tear it up! I was having lunch with the President of a corporation going through some difficult competition. “I’m going to get those suckers!” I reminded him good, clean competition is perfectly acceptable for Christian businesses. But revenge is beyond acceptable boundaries. Filling our lives with vengeance destroys our peace, our health, and even our ability to operate with clarity.

Emotional health is part of the bedrock for good living. Establishing anchors for a life well lived is critical.

This week think about: 1) How effectively do I audit my emotional health? 2) What triggers my unhealthy emotions?3) Where are my strengths for a balanced life?

Words of Wisdom: “Revenge is not part of the emotional repertoire of healthy people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “A bright look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the body.” (Proverbs 15:30 NET Bible)

Of Tempests and Teabags

Brenda’s Blog – May 21, 2024

A cup of English Breakfast tea with lemon and local honey in a hand-thrown mug is a marvelous way to begin the day, or to reflect mid-afternoon on the day. My British friends consider my use of teabags rather crass. Loose tea steeped in a beloved pot then strained and poured into a delicate porcelain tea cup with a flourish is the only civilized way to enjoy tea. Cream and sugar are the traditional accompaniments, not my lemon and honey from a friend’s hives.

I truly enjoy the sensation of wrapping my hands around the heavy mug, thoroughly heated from the boiling water while sitting on my couch dressed in my sweats. On the other hand, my tea aficionados dress in frocks, and fascinators to enjoy the afternoon ritual.
Tea serves those of us who love analogies. Eleanor Roosevelt is credited with “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she is put into hot water.”

I enjoy British mysteries. One of the requisite lines in every episode is the “come in, I’ll put on the kettle.” Isn’t that true of life? Don’t we feel like we are invited to participate while the water heats up and the quality of our tea is tested?
It is in the boiling water we find the truth of our faith. It is also in the boiling water we are changed into something useful to many. It is in the boiling water we find purpose.

Whether in a mug which is the “work of the artist’s hand” or from family Royal Doulton, the tea can teach us life lessons. We can learn to appreciate the boiling waters as they transform us into a fragrant, delightful source of joy.

Committed to Service

Weekly Thought – May 21, 2024

Fred carried a pocket tape recorder with him. He always had scraps of paper (envelopes were a favorite) for catching thoughts and quotes. Margie spent nearly twenty years transcribing. Her typing speed was dizzying! One of the binders held one-liners, poems, humorous lines, miscellaneous quotes, and one labeled “Stories.”

Committed to Service

I was speaking in Kingston, New York, and my host planned to meet me at LaGuardia, driving me to the town. It was a cold February day, with snow and ice on the road. When he arrived, he had a young man with him doing the driving. He was not part of the “executive training program,” so I engaged him in conversation to hear his story. He was a local delivery truck driver who worked for a local firm.

He had insisted on driving because he thought my host was “getting up in years” and wouldn’t be comfortable or confident to drive in the bad weather. Along the way he made a stop saying he thought two gentlemen of our age would appreciate a cup of coffee and a restroom. I think I had just turned forty!

After the meeting I discovered someone took my overcoat. The young man thought an older man with a bad memory had taken it by mistake, so he drove to his house, rescued my overcoat, and returned it to the hotel. As he left, he wrote down his home phone number telling me I could call anytime for any reason. Earlier in the evening he heard me mention I was experiencing gallstone pain, so he included the phone number for the local hospital. As he left for home that night he asked if he could join the group for breakfast the next morning. He said he just liked to listen to the conversation.

He joined us and a few minutes before we finished. he left the table. He returned with an envelope in his hand. He passed it to me saying, “It is Valentine’s Day and you’ll be traveling. I was afraid you might forget to get your wife a card.” It was one of those extremely frilly, over-the-top romantic valentines which I would hardly have picked out for Mary Alice, but I was extremely proud to give it to her and tell her the story.

This was a young man totally committed to service. The menial tasks were done with a noble spirit.

This week carefully think about: 1) How aware am I of those who are committed to service? 2) What helps me be alert of stories around me? 3) Who deserves recognition for an outstanding attitude?

Words of Wisdom: “The menial tasks were done with a noble spirit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not lag in zeal, be enthusiastic in spirit, serve the Lord.” (Romans 12:11 NET Bible)

Effective Organizations

Weekly Thought – May 14, 2024

Fred believed that two men early in his career verified his gifts of discernment and intuition. One was Ray Stedman, pastor of Peninsula Bible Church, and the other was Baxter Ball, Vice President of Mobil Oil. Combined with his ability to analyze and evaluate, he made great contributions to leadership thought.

Effective Organizations

Highly effective executives develop effective organizations. Of course, there is great variety in corporate cultures, but in my experience, there are two types of leaders: one with a focus on things and the other who operates focusing on people. The “things” style is strong on technique. There is a great need to know all the details of the operations. This style tends toward micro-management. To be successful the organization must remain small enough so that ongoing supervision is possible.

Let’s think about “people-focused” leadership. I have three points for you to consider:

1) Be sure you have the right people. Someone told me, “One of the biggest sins of management is not firing enough people.” The foot-draggers, the free-loaders, and the obstructionists should be put out. Incidentally, if you are ever in trouble, these are the first one to turn against you. It takes a tough-minded leader to get and keep the right people. It takes real courage.

2) Reserve for yourself the things that only you can do and delegate the rest. What are the things in your business that only you can do? It will vary. Some of you are creative; others are administrative. However, in every business there are things which only the top executive can uniquely do. If you are the kind who says, “I am the only one around here who can do anything…” you, my friend, are my number one candidate for a heart attack!

3) Develop your people. A study by a large corporation found that 85% of truly helpful development came on the job, not in extra development programs. Most of the answers for leadership development comes right from the job, not expensive and time -consuming programs. Probably most of you were primarily developed by someone who was willing to delegate to you.

Theodore Roosevelt said: “The art of good management is the ability to pick good people and the humility to leave them alone.” What an excellent choice of words. Strong leaders build people who can operate wisely and well without constant supervision. The leader who “needs to be needed is professionally needy and has some serious executive flaws.

Pick good people, delegate well, and grow the them. You will enjoy the fruits of an effective organization.

This week think about: 1) How would I assess my leadership style? 2) Who has been instrumental in my own personal development? 3) What is my unique contribution to the organization?

Words of Wisdom: “It takes a tough-minded leader to get and keep the right people.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Teach me proper discernment and understanding. For I consider your commands to be reliable.” (Psalm 119:66 NET Bible)

Don’t Settle

Brenda’s Blog – May 7, 2024

Mrs. Preston was my first grade teacher at Westwood Elementary in Cincinnati, Ohio. I noticed birthdays were celebrated in a special way. The celebrant would leave the room with Mrs. Preston, returning with a colorful crepe paper streamer which would be tied to the chair. All day they enjoyed the attention. Right then I knew when March came I would walk out the door and choose a pink streamer.

As March arrived I could hardly wait! Finally the day came, Mrs. Preston escorted me to a supply closet, opened the door, and said, “Pick one, Brenda.” The overflowing box overwhelmed me. “Where is a pink one… I can’t see a pink one, “I thought to myself. Impatiently, Mrs. Preston said, “JUST PICK ONE!”

So I did – a purple one. I HATED that purple streamer. She tied it to my chair instead of a pink one I had anticipated since school began. But I didn’t say anything.

Nearly 50 years later the story surfaced from my memory bank. Then associated reminders poured out. I had settled for purple because I didn’t know to politely ask for help finding the pink streamer. I didn’t know that it was important to me to express my desire. Settling became a way of life for me.

Invited to speak to a women’s group in Kansas City a short time later I decided my topic would be “Don’t Settle.” A few weeks before I stopped overnight in Dallas, I was sharing the story and the outline with my Dad, a recognized and respected author, speaker, and mentor. He encouraged me to go boldly.

The week of the trip to Kansas City a package arrived for me. As I opened it tears ran down my eyes. Yes, it was a package of pink crepe paper. Written in his scribbly hand were these words “Don’t Settle… and Be A Blessing.”

At the end of my prepared talk I reached into my bag, pulled out the crepe paper, passed it around with a pair of scissors and encouraged each woman to cut a small piece as a reminder.

How often fear stops us from stepping out. How often we don’t want to “get in the way” or inconvenience someone. How often we fail to experience the joy of a realized dream. This is the time to pick your own streamer!

Decisive Actions

Weekly Thought – May 7, 2024

Fred spent much of his later years either in dialysis three times a week, or intense hospitalizations. His friends faithfully visited. After long stays one expressed his frustration in not knowing what to say when he was with Fred. “Bring him a problem,” was son Fred’s wise counsel. Sure enough, they started coming with decisions to be made, situations to discuss, and issues of concern. Three of the four “come to say goodbye to Fred” stays ended up with recovery and a return home.

Decisive Actions

Decisiveness is a quality of effective executives, but at the same time it is one of the rarest traits in most. Everyone likes to believe they are decisive – and are quick to declare it to others. However, most wait until they are forced into a decision or until the decision is made for them.

I have been accumulating clever ways people avoid decisions. And there is no dearth! You can see them every day. For example, there is the fellow who sits in a decision meeting, waits to see which way the wind is blowing, then makes a big deal about his decisive action. The worst offender is the executive who talks five minutes on both sides of the question, then emphatically announces, “That’s what I think.” Oh, no, there is one worse – he is the fellow who sits next to him, and says, “I agree with Joe.”
Actually, decisiveness is a matter of the will. I think I can illustrate it with a true story. I was on the West Coast consulting with Mobil for a few days. Being anxious to get home I caught the 11:30 American flight back to Chicago and on to Cincinnati. When I got to the check in a large crowd was waiting to load. Wanting to be graciously sociable, I got on first… to be helpful and get out of their way, of course. Eventually every seat on the plane was taken except one – the one next to me.

Just before the door closed a man at least 6’3” with big, broad shoulders and a flat stomach came running on the plane, sitting down next to me. He shouldn’t have done that. How unkind to make me uncomfortable all the way to Chicago as I sat there with my 225 pounds of solid blubber? I recognized him as Charlton Heston and began the conversation:

“Mr. Heston, you are in wonderful shape.” He said, “I have to be in my business.” I replied, “I wish I could be, too, but I have to work.” “Well,” he said, “I have to work, but I can stay in this kind of shape on 17 minutes a day.” He had no right to say that. That was totally unsociable. I have 17 minutes a day. He should have talked about half a day at the studio (which would totally count me out).

For 30 minutes I sat and stewed in my own fat, but whenever I am wrong I try to avoid admitting it through ingenuity.

“But Mr. Heston, I travel a lot.” He said, “So do I.” Then I asked, “What do you do about exercise when you travel?” He said, “It is simple. I go into the hotel room, take my luggage off the rack, sit down on it, and put me toes under the bed and do back bends.” It had been a LONG time since Fat Fred did that! However, again, when caught in the wrong, I don’t give up, so I countered, “What do you do about your shoulders?” “I roll under the bed and push the bed up in the air.”

Now, what is the difference between Heston and Smith? I saw the difference in a survey recently which indicated there was only one definable distinction between successful and unsuccessful people. The unsuccessful say, “I should – I ought to – I plan to – I’m going to” – but never do. The successful say, “I will.” They make the decision and take action. They do it.

This week carefully consider: 1) Where do I need to make a decision? 2) What excuses do I make? 3) How would my life change this week if I said “I will.”

Words of Wisdom: “Decisiveness is a matter of the will.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Bring a plan, make a decision.” (Isaiah 16:3(a) NET Bible)

Create a Positive Atmosphere

Weekly Thought – April 30, 2024

Fred gave his first professional speech in his late twenties to a human relations (then known as personnel) convention in Nashville. It garnered newspaper attention and opened the door for his second speech to be a national conference in Los Angeles. Years of keynote addresses, corporate conferences, and Christian organizations soon followed. These ideas are excerpted from a conversation about speaking well.

Create a Positive Atmosphere

To a large degree, the atmosphere we establish will determine how effective our talk is going to be. Atmosphere is created by both our verbal and nonverbal messages. I hear too many speakers who are sloppy in their opening comments. Perhaps it’s because they haven’t thought about it, but the negative mood they create is hard to overcome. All of us have heard a speaker begin, “I hope you all will excuse my voice this morning. I’ve had a cold all week.” Or, “I really appreciate your coming out on a miserable, rainy day like today.” Haven’t you heard one start with this hang dog start; “Folks, we are not getting enough people. When I stand up here and look at this sparse crowd.” You can fill in the blank and certainly determine the atmosphere created.

I enjoy starting with something like, “This has been a wonderful week” – people want to know why it’s been wonderful. It may be something as simple as “It’s been a fine week. I talked to some friends on the phone and was reminded of the marvelous gift of friendship.” This builds a friendly atmosphere. It conveys a feeling the audience can identify with. Perhaps they say to themselves, “Yes, I talked to some friends this week, too. And sometimes I forget how good that is.”

There are many ways to establish a friendly atmosphere. The most important thing is to avoid negative openings. Your own self-interest, or personal insecurity are not appropriate. I want to communicate openness. I want them to know I am there to serve them.
The setting of the atmosphere, of course, begins before I ever speak my first word. We can show friendliness by our demeanor on the platform. I try to pick out certain people and smile at them. This not only affirms those few people, but it shows the audience I am truly glad to be there.

For me, the most difficult of all disciplines in speaking is going into the talk with the proper attitude. If I do not want to speak, it is so difficult for me to speak well. Attitude control is essential. I must go with a friendly attitude, with a genuine desire to help the audience, and to give them something they will find beneficial. One of the best ways to let them know and to prepare my own attitude is to quietly, wordlessly pray then looking at the audience and affirming my desire to be helpful.

One note: it helps to notice how people are sitting and to gauge the emotional climate of the audience. This certainly affects how you need to come across to them. What do I mean? Think of the way that people sit in the room. When people are scattered in a sparsely populated auditorium they feel exposed. They can’t hide. In a jammed room, people think they are anonymous and you can detect and expect a more open response. In the smaller environment I have to be more personal, speaking as if I were face to face in conversation.

But whether you are a rookie speaker or a seasoned veteran, it is important to create a friendly atmosphere.

This week think about: 1) How do I feel about public speaking? 2) Who could I help by sharing these thoughts? 3) What can I do to create a friendly atmosphere for a speaker?

Words of Wisdom: “I must go with a friendly attitude, with a genuine desire to help the audience, and to give them something they will find beneficial.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The one who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious – the king will be his friend.” (Proverbs 22:11 NET Bible)

Conversational Simplicity

Weekly Thought – April 23, 2024

Fred kept an Albert Einstein quote in his office: “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Fred loved the beauty of “how things work.” His fascination with machinery was well known to his family as he found his own solutions for mechanical problems around the house. Fred rarely watched TV, and never sat through a movie. These words are unusual, indeed… but helpful.

Conversational Simplicity

One night as I was going to bed Mary Alice had an old black and white western movie on. In it a taciturn thirtyish farmer marries a woman who is dying. The farmer promises to raise her baby boy. As she was dying he told her he wanted to build her a three room home with a porch where they could sit and rock under the hackberry tree. He did take the baby boy and raised him with a single dedication.

I was taken by the simplicity of the man, his singleness of purpose, and his absolute commitment. There were no psychological arguments in his life. He took the boy to raise; he accepted her death; and he buried her. These people required very little conversation because their commitment was total, simple, direct, and all-consuming.

It is hard to verbalize the elegance of the man when he told a dying woman of the house plans. His comment to the crying baby was, “I’ll raise you good if it takes every breath in my body.”

The simplicity of the conversation was part of the man. He would say “howdy” without embellishment. In the film his conversation was never more than two or three words… certainly made it easy on the script writer! One of his longest sentences was to the growing man as he enters manhood. “When you grow up I’ll buy you a gun, and we’ll shoot chicken hawks together.” When the man died, one of the other farmers said, “We never knew how much love was in him.”

The farmer said things simply, not feeling he had to justify or rationalize or make himself look good by his conversation. Much of urban conversation is impressing, embellishing, and striving for attention. Most talk to impress, not express.

The truth simply spoken is a brilliant jewel in an elegant Tiffany mounting… understated yet always appropriate.

Contrary to my challenge to others to stretch their experiences, the simple farmer in this movie built a significant life through the purposeful dedication to his son. The lessons he taught that young man probably equipped him for a good life. He knew the value of communicating beyond the limitation of words.

This week think about: 1) How careful am I with my words? 2) Who do I know who speaks little but says much?3) What commitments have I made that have changed my life?

Words of Wisdom: “We should talk to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Words: “A time to rip, and a time to sew; a time to keep silent, and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7 NET Bible)

By A Nose

Brenda’s Blog – April 23, 2024

“What is your most embarrassing experience?” The ice breaker at a Sunday School party produced groans. No one carries these anecdotes around, prepared for a quick telling. However, in the spirit of the game I dug deep. Not because I have so few, but quite the opposite… Which one to share?

I settled on a phone call in the early 2000s. “Brenda Smith? I am a sculptor commissioned to do a bust of your father and the photos I have just don’t give me another direction for the nose. I am told your nose is just like your father’s. Would you consider coming to my studio and sitting for me while I work on this part of his face?”

Never did I imagine “sitting for a rendering of my nose” as a line in my resume.

I visited several times, sat very still, and left feeling I had made a great contribution.

The bust sits in a ministry’s headquarters named for him… with my nose!

In Amy Grant’s early career she recorded a song with the title “My Father’s Eyes.” It referenced her desire to have her heavenly father’s eyes. To see the needs of others with compassion, to see the world with eyes of hope and God’s love.

Certainly, I, too, want to reflect my heavenly father’s eyes, but I also want to reflect the character of my parents. I count it joy when someone says, “You look like your Mom.” I hear those words desiring that more than a physical similarity is noticed. Showing her gentle spirit, her unfailing love, and her generosity would be a high privilege.

What have you received from your parents that speaks of legacy, heritage, and continuity? What traits remind others of your parentage?

In what ways have you started looking more like your heavenly father? When others see Jesus through us that is great joy! Shine for Him!

Challenge Yourself to Grow

Weekly Thought – April 16, 2024

Fred considered growth a spiritual stewardship. His friend Charlie “Tremendous” Jones always told people “except for the people, the places you go, and the books you read, your life will be the same in five years as it is today.” Fred challenged others to include reading, travel, and association as building blocks for growth.

Challenge Yourself to Grow

Some people with 20 years’ experience may really only have one year’s experience repeated twenty times. Often people close their lives to expansion. They eat in the same places; they repeat the same activities; and they follow the same routines. I am not sure whether it’s because they’ve truly found the best or whether they simply reach a level of comfort, get habitual, and fail to see how big, wonderful, and varied life can be. Maybe they are like the man who all his life wanted to own a bass fiddle, finally got one, brought it home, and sawed away on one note all the time. His wife couldn’t stand it any longer and asked why in the world he didn’t learn another note. With amazement he answered, “They run their hand up and down the fret board playing different notes because they are hunting, but I’ve already found it!” Think of people who never play the rich variety of tones that are available because they have found the one note that works for them.

I’ve been concerned about the boredom I see, particularly among affluent women. I don’t think they realize all of their activities are just variations of the same theme. I once saw a documentary on the social season in Palm Beach, FL. The non-stop party schedule was all in the name of one charity or another. But the socialites had to engage social secretaries just to get them to the right party at the right time in the right attire. Even when doing good this hyperactivity results in meaningless and boredom unless the people have finally just given up and considered this “the right note.”

Early in my speaking career I spoke with a New York social maven as she described her restrictive life I thought about growing up in the mill district of North Nashville. She was incarcerated in a life built of gold bars. The slums knew bars, also, but they were the iron ones enclosing prison cells. Both were locked in. After hearing her I decided, right then, that I would not ever live like that. Creating quality experiences means staying free. From my earliest life I wanted to own myself. Unfortunately I see people with a sign on them, “For sale.” Unfortunately, they think the high life is living. But, that is dying. When we don’t grow, we shrink. My life mission is stated very simply: “He stretched other.” And, I want that to be true to the last breath stretching myself, as well.

This week carefully consider: 1) Where have I mistaken concrete for roots? 2) How can I stretch this week? 3) When do I feel most alive?

Words of Wisdom: “Some people with twenty years’ experience actually have one year’s experience repeated twenty times.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the honor both now and on that eternal day.” (2 Peter 3:18 NET Bible)

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