Owing Our Peers

Weekly Thought – January 14, 2014

Fred took seriously his responsibilities to his friends and peers. He refused to slide when it came to making a contribution to a group. He believed our gifts were given to be helpful – and to be developed.

Part of Fred’s uniqueness was his ability to distill information into pithy, punchy “one-liners.” We now call them Fred Saids. On the breakfastwithfred.com website over 300 are archived. If you are a twitter fan, would you join our volunteer team of tweeters by choosing your favorites and sharing them with your followers? Thanks so much.

Owing Our Peers

I have a responsibility to my peers – to be an individualist.

Oftentimes when I am on college campuses, I ask how many consider themselves non-conformists. Typically, 75 to 95% raise their hands. Laughter usually breaks out. Very few admit to being a conformist because it is socially acceptable to think “outside the box.” When people uphold their right “to be me,” it has a connotation of revolutionary, but conformist.

Actually, the conformist and non-conformist have the same personality type for they are both outer directed. They both work to discern where the “in” line is — one to stand within and the other to stand without. I once knew a young executive woman who told me she loved boundaries. This surprised me for her personality didn’t reflect compliance. Then she explained, “Boundaries show me where the outside is.” She and her more rule-oriented associates are actually closer than either would admit. (more…)

Pressured by Peers

Weekly Thought – January 7, 2014

Fred enjoyed studying social patterns; He also enjoyed swimming against the stream. In his later years comfort won out over style. He attended breakfasts at the Dallas Country Club attired in his plaid flannel pajamas. He focused on what he had to offer, not on winning “best dressed awards.” Fred separated himself from image, function, and status.

Thank you to all who continue to support our efforts. The distribution list for the Weekly Thought grows. Would you recommend our wisdom and leadership email to friends this week? Help us expand the reach.

Pressured by Peers

Peers come in groups. Seldom are they developed individually. We move into neighborhoods, join a Sunday School class, associate with a business group, or join a social network…all come with a collection of peers. And each establishes its own set of values and mores.

We like to think of peer pressure as something applicable to only teens, but we never move totally away from it. Here are a few examples:

1) We change the way we handle being “in” and being “out,” but the definitions still exist. Political organizations punish those who oppose them when they are in power. Social groups create membership parameters based on who belongs.

2) Clothes are a measure of peer acceptance. My family believes I missed this social gene. While on vacation in Colorado at a restaurant we regularly frequented, the friendly waitress greeted me with, “Well, Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself today!” Too often we are constrained to dress like our peers. (more…)

Locked In

Brenda’s Blog – January 7, 2014

“I’m FREE!” That simple text expressed my sister’s release from ice imposed house arrest. The first day was fun – a day off from work. The second and third days were challenging. And by day four she was marking her hours of incarceration by staring out the window, hoping to be sprung. (Actually, she was hoping for Spring!)

A friend of mine emailed to tell of a dream in which she watched the church move away from the bondage of darkness. The great hymn puts it this way, “My chains fell off; my heart was free; I went forth and followed Thee.”

What chains entangle you? What habits tie you up, hindering your progress?

One of my dear friends is in rehab. The current assignment is to write out the life story. “Where did the anger begin?” “Where did the hopelessness and powerlessness take hold?”

“In the free” is the slang for walking out of jail. We don’t have to wear orange jumpsuits to be psychologically incarcerated. And, we don’t have to be sentenced by a judge – we can judge ourselves declaring guilt that is undeserved. But we have the right to claim life “in the free.”

The grace of God through Christ Jesus pours down mercy hour by hour. Morning by morning we can receive His gifts of freedom. We are free to live without recrimination. We are free to throw off those shackles which slow us down.

As an influencer, what is holding you back? As a decision maker, what is hampering your effectiveness? What lies are you believing that put up road blocks?

Break free — put your life in four wheel drive and hit the road. There may be a few icy spots, but always remember – turn into the slide and you will be fine.

Counsel to Mentorees

Weekly Thought – December 31, 2013

Fred spent every January 1st in the office reviewing and assessing the past year and setting goals for the next. Even though his nature was strongly creative, he enjoyed a bold analytical capability. This combination allowed him to approach any topic subjectively and objectively.

As 2014 begins, we thank you. The Apostle Paul constantly gave thanks to those who formed his community. May 2014 bring wisdom, enthusiasm, and awareness.

Counsel to Mentorees

Having been mentored for years and now serving as mentor, here are some observations I hope are helpful.

Have your mentor to help you learn to ask the right questions, search in the right places, and stay interested in the right answers. “Ask a question the other person wants to answer” is my response to all those who probe this area. There is an art and science of questioning.
Decide what degree of excellence you want to attain. The object of mentoring isn’t perfection, but progress. Only a few can be truly excellent, but all can be better…begin with better.
Assume a subordinate learning position. Few people can be humble enough to accept concentrated mentoring. They let their ego get in the way and begin competing to impress the mentor.
Respect the mentor, don’t idolize. The relationship is created to enable growth, not to establish hero worship. When a mentor is placed on a pedestal it is often for the mentoree to claim affiliation. (more…)

They Call Me Virginia

Brenda’s Blog – December 24, 2013

“They call me Virginia, the navigator…I am glad you found us.”

It was getting late; I had driven many miles; I was ready to quit. All well and good except for one thing: I couldn’t find the hotel. It was a national chain with an address near an interstate exit. No problem, so why was I lost? Why was I getting frustrated?

Finally, admitting defeat I called the hotel and sweetly said, “Where are you?” (Probably not so sweetly!) “People get lost all the time,” she answered before giving me turn by turn directions.

“You are without a doubt the hardest place I have ever tried to find.” Laughingly she said, “Yes, everybody ends up calling, so the regulars have a name for me: “Virginia, the navigator.” Her voice and manner was truly sweet.

“Why in the world are you built so far back on this crazy site and why in the world don’t you have signage?” “Oh, that’s easy. Our owners are from out of town and they already had this piece of land. The other hotels are owned by one man and he made it impossible for anyone else to put up any signs. You have to really want to get here!”

Virginia was a model employee with a tremendous sense of hospitality, but her employers had put her in a tough spot. Virginia understood making lemonade from lemons.

Max DePree says servant leadership is providing all the resources necessary for the employees to be all they can be, accomplishing all they can. Where do we hinder others from achieving? Where do we tie weights around their ankles, expecting them to run a winning race?

And then, what circumstances hamper our progress? Do we recognize the power we have to become a Virginia, or do we collapse into complaining and mediocrity?

How can we create an environment for others that challenge them to succeed? And how can we respond to our challenges with humor, and professionalism?

A well-known newspaper column years ago began his answer to a little girl’s question: “Is there a Santa Claus?” with the famous words, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”

The same spirit of love, hope, and goodwill the newspaper correspondent described still exists in this modern day Virginia. Merry Christmas to you, Ms. Navigator. Thank you for being a lighthouse on a dark night.

Growing Others

Weekly Thought – December 24, 2013

Fred’s family had a tradition of buying presents and decorating a tree on Christmas Eve. It was years before the family knew their Dad started the “tradition” because trees went on sale that afternoon, as did gifts. He and Mary Alice made it special and festive.

The year is coming to an end. Has 2013 flown by for you? It is fun to look back and see all BWF (and BWFLI) has accomplished. Without your help, it would be impossible to continue this work. You are a gift to us. Thank you so much. And please know we will be praying for you to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ with joy and contentment.

Growing Others

We need instructors as well as mentors. With an instructor we share an interest in the same subject and can communicate easily around that particular material. Instruction is what Plato referred to as “transferring information from one mind to another.” Instruction includes showing how to use the data transfer to maximize gifts and talents for usefulness. Instruction is helpful for the learning of techniques.

Mentoring is different. Our best mentors are those with whom we share a common philosophy of life, knowing that what we do is an expression of our mindset. Personally, I have found that I can best be a mentor to those whom I respect most. That respect creates an atmosphere in which the mentee can learn the arts of development since we are talking about more than technique. Mentoring is the process of developing unique qualities in the art of learning. For example, such things as thinking, feeling, and dedication to excellence cannot be given by instruction – they can only be coached.

Mentoring involves the heart as well as the head.

The requirements of a good mentor are: 1) share a comparable philosophy; 2) sincerely believes in the mentee’s potential; 3) both understand where he/she wants to go; 4) able to make assessments and be willing to offer alternative directions; 5) recognizes when the “season” is over; 6) attached to mentee through accomplishment; 7) being mentored themselves; 8) willing to be committed, serious, and available. (more…)

Models for Living

Weekly Thought – December 17, 2013

Fred thought in categories. His gift of clear thinking was aided by his mental filing system. Long before computers, he had his own storage and retrieval process. He created major categories (philosophy, psychology, theology, for example) and when he read, or conversed, he mentally filed the information into one of his categories. When he needed to retrieve, he accessed the proper file. Many of Fred’s mentorees modeled this system.

One of Fred’s favorite quotes was, “Gratitude is the emotion with the longest shelf life.” We, at BWF, want you to know how truly grateful we are for you. The Weekly Thoughts give us an opportunity to share Fred’s words, and his heart. Thank you for your ongoing encouragement.

Models for Living

While our heroes teach us to be, our models help us to do. Models teach us to achieve the best use of our talents; models teach us how to link our passions to our activity.

Early on, I developed this purpose statement: “I have been given a talent; therefore, I am responsible for using it for the common good of my society and for the glory of God.” One of my first challenges was to determine my dominant talent.

Our philosophy of function is critical for a productive life. My personal belief is that service is the rent we pay for the space we occupy. And, the better the space, the higher the rent. We should never complain about the service expected of us. The Scripture reminds us, “To whom much has been given, much is required.” No one inherits rent-free life space.

Poachers on life’s territory eventually are dispossessed and exposed as frauds. We often hear, “There is no free lunch.” I firmly believe there is no free space. If you aren’t paying the rent, someone else is. It is our moral obligation to contribute. (more…)

Meet The BWFLI Team – Dr. Ramesh Richard

Dr. Ramesh Richard is President/CEO of RREACH International, a global proclamation ministry. He enjoys an international influence through his own organization as well as through the Dallas Theological Seminary students he touches in his faculty role. He has been part of the Dallas Baptist University, and LeTourneau University BWLI events. He is scheduled for the Taylor University team in April, 2014. He and his wife Bonnie are parents of three adult children.

Brenda A. Smith, President of BWFLI asked Dr. Richard three questions :

BWFLI: “How has Fred stretched you?”

RR: “Fred stretched me in his role as my (1) ministry mentor: by making me see and own God’s ministry gifts in my life as part of Christian stewardship. While I hesitate to “step up,” as many leaders counsel, he knew I would find it spiritually justifiable to “serve up” in my better usefulness for God. (2) leadership tutor: by giving me practical organizational wisdom. While academically heavy, I needed street-perspective, especially in the context of American culture. (3) personal sponsor: by lending me his credibility until I made my own. Not sure I have succeeded in the latter.

I am also applying his art of nuancing complexity to make matters simpler in understanding and communication. ” (more…)

Heroes Are Real People

Weekly Thought – December 10, 2013

Fred revered reality. He advised others to “stay current.” When considering heroes, his principle held, as well. He didn’t expect perfection from those whose lives he considered heroic. He admired men like Lincoln, DaVinci, Edison, and the apostle Paul. He identified their key character traits and understood their frailties.

The year is closing. As you give, would you consider BWF? Your tax deductible gift is necessary to grow the ministry, allowing us to expand Fred’s reach and impact. Your encouragement through emails, calls, and donations “stimulate us to love and good works.” Thank you so much.

Heroes Are Real People

Every generation contributes to the list of heroes. Every age selects those whose lives reflect heroism. Heroes inspire us and show us the heights to which the human spirit is capable. In looking up, we are drawn upwards.

It takes times to correctly identify one. We are better to use those with heroic qualities to remain models until a generation has passed. True heroes arise in retrospect. Looking back, not glancing around, is the test. Will Rogers put it this way, “Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.” Genuine heroes finish well, so tapping one in mid-life is premature.

Our society seems intent on “demythologizing” our stories of valor. It is popular to deconstruct the men and women of history, casting a shadow over the lives of those we greatly admire. The striving for a common ground on which no one ascends higher than another kills our vision. These social experimenters want to create a way to bring our heroes down by “telling on them.” (more…)

Balanced Spirituality

Brenda’s Blog – December 10, 2013

“The boy didn’t make it snow – God did!” My three year old grandson Will had it right.

The story told of a little boy who badly wanted snow. His Grandfather told him to try all sorts of silly things to bring down the white, fluffy stuff. Nothing worked. Finally, he did a snow dance and sure enough, the rain turned into flakes and covered the ground. “I did it! I made it snow!”

Without even a word, my grandson looked me in the eye and reminded me of the true truth.
His candor reminded me of a cold, snowy Christmastime in Dallas when I parked the car in a crowded mall lot, went in with my grandson Andrew to enjoy time together. When we left it was dark, and I couldn’t remember where I parked. We walked and walked and walked. Finally, Andrew spotted the car! “Thank you, Jesus” was my response. “How come you thanked Jesus? I found the car!”

There is a balance, isn’t there? Taking credit for weather conditions is foolish. Failing to acknowledge the diligence of a 9 year old is negligent.

I truly believe God is evident in all things. I believe He allowed Andrew the joy of finding the car. And, I also believe He gave Will the insight to understand who is the true maker of weather.

Showing Andrew the power of prayer and the joy of being the beneficiary of God’s providential grace was the “teachable moment” that cold December night. Celebrating with Will in his belief in our sovereign God allowed us a time to share the goodness and awesomeness of this same God.

As the Mom of three young ones I didn’t have the patience or strength to look for these spiritual vignettes. Aging brings the blessing of perspective. I thank the Lord for these “wee bites” which strengthen my heart and stretch them.

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