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Incivility to Civility

Weekly Thought – February 3, 2026

Fred often counseled distressed couples: “Even when you can’t feel like you are in love, you can treat each other with civility.” He was a fan of Scott Peck’s writings. One of his favorites was A World Waiting To Be Born: Civility Rediscovered. Fred grew up without material sophistication, but was rich in graciousness.

Incivility to Civility

Scott Peck says, “Our illness is incivility, the morally destructive patterns of self-absorption, callousness, manipulativeness, and materialism.” For some time I have studied the emotions of incivility. Here are four that are eroding our civilization:

1) Anger – You can randomly ask any American, “What are you mad about?” and get a quick response. There’s a depth of ire in our society. Unfortunately, I think a great deal of it is being fostered by the demagogues of special interest. Sadly, much of it is the result of spiritual malnutrition. Anger is eating us up, from the inside out. It is the “sweet wine of poison.”
2) Aggression – I don’t mean competition. I like to use the definition from Dr. Will Menninger: “The willingness or even the desire to hurt someone.” I hear aggression dismissed as a response to stress. No, stress results from aggression. We see it on the road everyday. We even see it in the grocery. Mary Alice and I were in the grocery last week and I watched sweet, elderly ladies turn into Rambo creatures driving carts like military tanks.
3) Discourtesy – We are generally courteous to our friends. We treat strangers and too often, our family, with discourtesy. How does this square with the scripture’s admonition to offer hospitality to strangers? Discourtesy in our families doesn’t make sense, but it is very prevalent. I don’t buy that adage, “You hurt the ones you love.” Baloney!

When George Washington was fourteen he made a list of 110 items which denoted a civil life. Here are “Fred’s Four” which, when used regularly, take us a long way. These four help the gears mesh without the scraping sounds of incivility.

1. “Please” – Have you noticed when you use this simple word your phrase changes from command to request?
2. “Excuse me” – We are quick to transfer fault to someone else. When we genuinely accept responsibility, we lubricate our social interactions.
3. “Thank you” – Have you ever heard someone truly and authentically express appreciation? It gives me a warm feeling and makes me want to pass it on. It’s a verbal bridge between individuals.
4. “After you” – Billy Graham and I spent a few days together. I mentioned how he deferred to me at each doorway. He was surprised and when we talked about graciousness, he attributed this trait to his father. Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.

This week think about: 1) What am I mad about right now? 2) Is the “after you” attitude part of my mindset? 3) What can I do to promote civility in my family this week?

Words of Wisdom: “Heartfelt deference is a powerful habit.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!” (Psalm 37:8 NET Bible)

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Good or Bad?

Weekly Thought – January 20, 2026

Fred’s reputation for strategic thinking on spiritual matters began early in his life. This week’s thought is an excerpt from an article in Decision magazine (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association), June 1963. The bio identified him as a “Baptist layman, a native of Tennessee, and a nationally known business speaker.” At the time he was 48 with 44 years of influence to go.

Good or Bad?

In all of life there is always one key question. Airplane engineers need to answer: lighter or heavier than air? Donut shops need to answer: on-the-way-to-work or on-the-way-home side of the street? We as individuals have to answer: “What is the tendency of man: good or bad?”

Do people tend to be good with a high potential for bad or do they tend to be bad with a high potential for good? Until we get the answer to this fundamental question, we can never understand ourselves or the universal need for the Gospel.

As an executive, I never have to teach supervisors to fight with their employees. Never have I had to run a course on “goofing off.” As a parent, I never find the need to teach my children the word “no!” or discourage them from sharing too much. Left alone, an organization always tends to deteriorate. Because of this, we are constantly building up, encouraging, and challenging others toward constructive ends.

Experience teaches me people tend to be bad, even though they have a tremendous potential for good. I feel safe in trusting my experience because it squares with the Bible. Knowing this, what is our responsibility? It is seeking to bring others to Christ. This is Billy’s message night after night.

Conversion is basic to man’s ultimate progress. It turns him around and focuses his radar on the Lord. Conversion changes the human pull of gravity from Satan to God. This is what happened to Saul of Tarsus: he had the same drive and intensity as before, but now his motivation is God-ward. The motive changed. After conversion comes the need for challenge. Scripture doesn’t talk about saved sitters. The Apostle Paul said his life was about “apprehended that for which I was apprehended.” The deterioration of natural man is overcome by the invigoration of new life.

This week think about: 1) What am I seeking to apprehend? 2) How do I view the nature of man? 3) Who do I know who needs to think about this?

Words of Wisdom: “I feel safe in trusting my experience because it squares with the Bible.”

Wisdom from the Word: “He is the one who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not based on our works but on his own purpose and grace, granted to us in Christ Jesus before time began.” (2 Timothy 1:9 NET Bible)

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Oswald and Me

Weekly Thought – January 13, 2026

Fred attempted to capture everything he thought or found of interest in his reading and hearing. His work pattern for most of his life was sleeping, waking up at 2 a.m., working until 5 a.m. and then either going for donuts on his motorcycle, or in later years, going back to sleep. Consequently, there are thousands and thousands of pieces of paper in BWF files.

Oswald and Me

I find no difficulty in naming my most significant book. It is Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost For His Highest.

I have read it since December 1955 when Grant and Orean Howard gave it to Mary Alice and me which started a chain of our gifting it to others. My mentor and friend, Maxey Jarman, wrote “I’ll always be grateful for the introduction that you gave me to Oswald Chambers.” We plant seeds when we give vital books; we see delightful and fruitful harvests from these gifts.

His thought has become part of my reflexive thought. As the mind of Christ transforms us, so do the minds of our favorite authors. They take up residence in us.

Let me give 5 key thoughts that influence my attitude toward life given by Chambers.

1) Sit loose to things. Enjoy them, work for them, use them, but sit loose to them.
2) Lust says I must have it now. Psychiatrists tell us the most common evidence of American immaturity is the inability to delay gratification. Lust is refusing the natural rhythm of life and failing to mature.
3) Scripture is too often abused. Chambers says, “So often we sharpen a verse of Scripture and jab another with it.” I see those who know chapter and verse use it to intimidate the less instructed.
4) If we do not stand in small things, we will fail in the large. It is so easy to think we would be true and courageous in the weighty matters when we are making exceptions to the Christian code in smaller daily routines.
5) Go through the white funeral. The physical death is the black funeral, but the death self is the white funeral. Out of this comes the complete resurrection of life, unhampered by the problems of human ego and self-righteousness.

My Utmost For His Highest is not just entertaining, nor even exciting – it is compelling.

This week think about: 1) What books influence me? 2) Who has molded my thinking? 3) What book have I shared with others?

Words of Wisdom: “As the mind of Christ transforms us, so do the minds of our favorite authors.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:5 NET Bible)

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Ample Amps For A Productive Life

Weekly Thought – December 23, 2025

Fred enjoyed analogies to express principles. He recognized illustrations everywhere which made their way into his speaking, teaching, and writing. When asked about the timeless, yet timely nature of his communication he replied, “Principles never change – just the illustrations.”

Ample Amps For A Productive Life

We are always warned by the electric company to avoid overloading the circuits. This is good advice, even though I wonder about the value of multiple plugs on Mary Alice’s kitchen outlets. Because she would never fill a plug with five or six appliances simultaneously, there is no danger of maxing the circuitry. We get in overload trouble by using more at one time than common sense would dictate. Maxing out is an exercise in poor decision making.

The same thing happens in our lives. We get overloaded by having too many demanding involvements, emotional experiences, or commitments of time – all at one time. When we do so, we blow a fuse! It isn’t how many connections you have on a circuit, it is how many are used together. The potential for overload is key. Sometimes we can take on multiple activities so long as none of them requires too much “juice” or too many are demanding power simultaneously. When each of the activities competes for our energy, the current is overloaded and we are in danger. It is not the number of tasks, but the net energy required that determines the point of overload.

We draw different amounts of current depending on the emotional or physical output required. For example, I used to speak to very large audiences, and it took practically no energy because the input was matched by the output. If there had been no positive input, such as friendly reactions, laughs, agreement, body language expressing interest, and appropriate applause from the audience it would have taken a great deal more output from me.

You must reach a balance where the amount that you give and the amount you receive are equivalent. In other words, it is a zero sum energy game. We burn out when we are not sharing the energy load in the task, whether intellectual, emotional, physical, or spiritual. A young friend told me an older man once told him it was time for him to stand on his own, not ride piggyback!

This week carefully consider: 1) In what condition is my circuitry (Intellectual, emotional, physical, spiritual)? 2) What tasks drain energy and lead to overload? 3) What part am I playing in carrying the load in my family, workplace, and church?

Words of Wisdom: “It is not the number of tasks, but the net energy required that determines the point of overload.”

Wisdom from the Word: “‘Not by strength, nor by might, but by my Spirit’ says the Lord who rules over all.” (Zechariah 4:6 NET Bible)

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The Power of the Plateau

Weekly Thought – December 16, 2025

Fred studied human nature, not as an academic endeavor, but as lifelong observation and analysis. He applied what he learned as templates for board leadership, labor negotiations, as well as leadership, sales and marketing consulting. His clarity in human relations gave him a strong platform in business and Christian leadership.

The Power of the Plateau

Sound development requires a program that provides plateaus in which our information is turned into knowledge through experience and then approaching the next climb. Personal growth is not a series of nonstop climbs. Plateaus allow for assimilation before starting the next ascent. Each person has his or her own pattern and must become adept at reading their graph of climbs and plateaus. Those who try to go up too fast either run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences and they develop hollow spots.

All of life doesn’t evenly and systematically move through the pattern. From a distance, a graphed line may look like a consistent incline. However, when studied up close, the viewer sees it is a series of up, down, and flat places. We know the macro view usually differs greatly from the micro.

We have natural divisions in our life, such as family, career, spirit, intellect, finance, emotions, friends, acquaintances, and health. A friend of mine who consults with executives on personal development likens these segments of life to subsidiaries of a corporation. Each one reports to the individual (the CEO) who monitors and supervises the performance of each. This consultant thinks of each of us as a viable corporation with active, accountable divisions.

I like to think of the divisions as interrelated, but distinct in their focus. Clearly, ach one has its own particular life cycle of climbs and plateaus. Therefore, it is important to track all areas of our life and keep time tables charted for area. As we undertake this exercise, we can measure the condition of each division. I do not attempt or expect to have each area in the same mode. Ideally, each has its own seasons for climbs and plateaus. For example, when one is climbing in one’s career, energy and positive stress are redirected in that direction. To strive for climb mode in the other areas is asking for burnout and poor production.

Understanding the syncopation of life’s developmental rhythm keeps us in sync with progress.

This week think about: 1) How could I apply the division (subsidiary) concept to myself? 2) What techniques do I use to manage the climbs and plateaus? 3) Which areas of my life need constant attention?

Words of Wisdom: “Those who try to go up too fast either run out of steam or poorly assimilate their experiences and they develop hollow spots.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that everyone will see your progress.” (1 Timothy 4:15 NET Bible)

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Flying With The Eagles

Weekly Thought – November 25, 2025

Fred knew he had no college education, no natural network of influencers, and no financial resources, but he knew he had God-given gifts of discernment, connection, intellectual curiosity, and desire to make a serious contribution… all based on his faith in Jesus Christ.

Flying With The Eagles

I believe I am responsible for my own personal development. Only I know what I want to become. Only I know my real strengths and weaknesses, mu passion and talent. Only I know the price I was willing to pay to become who I want to be. My personal development stands on four legs.

The first leg is mentoring. When I was young I heard the expression, “Birds of a feather flock together. I knew then I wanted to associate with individuals who would serve as mentors and role models. So early in my business career, I chose six qualities I wanted to build into my life. I asked six individuals who personified each quality to send me an autographed photograph. I framed them then hung on my office wall with Hoffman’s “Head of Christ” portrait at the top and a mirror on the bottom of the square. I could look at the wall and ask myself how I was maturing. This was the first step in my development.

Reading is the second leg of my development program. I do prescriptive reading. Just as everyone doesn’t have the same eyeglass prescription, we don’t have benefit from the same reading resources. I read no novels. I concentrate on certain authors who can give me what I need, such as Oswald Chambers, Francois Fenelon, and Peter Drucker. I also read individual chapters in books that are focused on my major reading themes (philosophy, theology, mentoring, psychology, and science).These are areas for which I have a natural affinity.

The third leg of the program is writing. Until I started working for Maxey Jarman, chairman of GENESCO, I was a totally verbal person. Once I was telling him about a situation in one of the plants and he said, “Write it.” When I told him I couldn’t write it, he said, “The reason you can’t write it is that you don’t know it. Anything you know you can write.” I later came across this quote from Sir Francis Bacon: “Writing makes an exact man.” I learned to write to burn the fuzz off my thinking.

The final leg of my development plan is travel. It opens wide the window of experience and expands my viewpoint. Growing up in the mill district of North Nashville during the depression afforded me no thought of travel. But a crystal radio used in the attic of a Baptist parsonage allowed me to dream of faraway places. Mary Alice and I knew we wanted our children to love the value of travel – and we succeeded!

This week focus on: 1) What are the key elements of my development plan? 2) Which of the four legs I my strongest? Weakest? 3) How am I helping my family, my organization, my friends develop?

Words of Wisdom: “I learned to write to burn the fuzz off my thinking.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We proclaim him by instructing and teaching all people with all wisdom so that we may present every person mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28 NET Bible)

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Free Time That Counts

Weekly Thought – November 11, 2025

Fred viewed “goofing off” dimly. His mind worked ceaselessly. The possibility of time before the TV (unless it was golf) as a desirable activity fell into the “spent time, not invested time” category. He believed in refreshing and re-creating, but not in the meaningless waste of time and energy.

Free Time That Counts

Many times our leisure determines whether we are going to be mediocre or successful. A Christian should use leisure constructively to build and not to abuse. Weekend carousal is out. Volunteer work and healthy diversions are in.

Leisure gives us time for reading, studying, traveling, and ministering. We are to invest our leisure, not spend it. I want my leisure time to pay dividends like any other good investment. A good hobby provides relaxation – a lot of spice for life. Recreation should be re-creation. Our pleasures should restore our energy and create pleasant memories.

For many, recreation is the opposite… like the nurse sitting next to me in the adjoining seat from Miami to Chicago. I asked her whether she was coming home or going to work. She said she was returning from a long weekend of partying in the islands. Her eyes looked like two red traffic lights. She was going to have to go home to her job just to recuperate from her leisure! This, certainly, isn’t the Christian’s way. She had made a big payment for this leisure time without hope of any interest or dividends.

My friend Jed Thompson uses his vacation time to work on a boat on the Amazon River, bringing with him dentists and technicians who volunteer their time. They come fully supplied with resources donated by friends. They go up and down the river ministering to the local people… first to their physical needs and then to their spiritual ones. Other friends of mine take part of their summer vacation to go to the poorest areas in the world serving Christ.

Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish. In William Barclay’s prayer he asks for pleasure in his leisure. This only comes through the giving oneself to something greater than themselves.

This week carefully consider: 1) How do I spend my leisure time? 2) When do I feel God’s pleasure in my time? 3) What defines re-creation for me?

Words of Wisdom: “A Christian should use leisure time constructively to build.”

Wisdom from the Word: “God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it he ceased all the work that he had been doing in creation.” (Genesis 2:3 NET Bible)

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Flying With The Eagles

Weekly Thought – November 25, 2025

Fred knew he had no college education, no natural network of influencers, and no financial resources, but he knew he had God-given gifts of discernment, connection, intellectual curiosity, and desire to make a serious contribution… all based on his faith in Jesus Christ.

Flying With The Eagles

I believe I am responsible for my own personal development. Only I know what I want to become. Only I know my real strengths and weaknesses, mu passion and talent. Only I know the price I was willing to pay to become who I want to be. My personal development stands on four legs.

The first leg is mentoring. When I was young I heard the expression, “Birds of a feather flock together. I knew then I wanted to associate with individuals who would serve as mentors and role models. So early in my business career, I chose six qualities I wanted to build into my life. I asked six individuals who personified each quality to send me an autographed photograph. I framed them then hung on my office wall with Hoffman’s “Head of Christ” portrait at the top and a mirror on the bottom of the square. I could look at the wall and ask myself how I was maturing. This was the first step in my development.

Reading is the second leg of my development program. I do prescriptive reading. Just as everyone doesn’t have the same eyeglass prescription, we don’t have benefit from the same reading resources. I read no novels. I concentrate on certain authors who can give me what I need, such as Oswald Chambers, Francois Fenelon, and Peter Drucker. I also read individual chapters in books that are focused on my major reading themes (philosophy, theology, mentoring, psychology, and science).These are areas for which I have a natural affinity.

The third leg of the program is writing. Until I started working for Maxey Jarman, chairman of GENESCO, I was a totally verbal person. Once I was telling him about a situation in one of the plants and he said, “Write it.” When I told him I couldn’t write it, he said, “The reason you can’t write it is that you don’t know it. Anything you know you can write.” I later came across this quote from Sir Francis Bacon: “Writing makes an exact man.” I learned to write to burn the fuzz off my thinking.

The final leg of my development plan is travel. It opens wide the window of experience and expands my viewpoint. Growing up in the mill district of North Nashville during the depression afforded me no thought of travel. But a crystal radio used in the attic of a Baptist parsonage allowed me to dream of faraway places. Mary Alice and I knew we wanted our children to love the value of travel – and we succeeded!

This week focus on: 1) What are the key elements of my development plan? 2) Which of the four legs I my strongest? Weakest? 3) How am I helping my family, my organization, my friends develop?

Words of Wisdom: “I learned to write to burn the fuzz off my thinking.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We proclaim him by instructing and teaching all people with all wisdom so that we may present every person mature in Christ.” (Colossians 1:28 NET Bible)

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Free Time That Counts

Weekly Thought – October 28, 2025

Fred did not “goof off.” His mentor, Maxey Jarman once sent him a leather Eames chair – the ultimate in luxurious lounging. He pulled it out on to the back deck, reclined, and covered himself with a very large IBM blanket emblazoned with the word THINK. He had one of the children capture it on their Kodak Brownie camera and sent a photo to his mentor.

Free Time That Counts

Many times our leisure determines whether we are going to be mediocre or successful. A Christian should use leisure constructively to build, not to abuse. Weekend carousal is not an option. Volunteer work and healthy diversions are positive activities to include.

Leisure gives us time for reading, studying, traveling, and ministering. We are to invest our time, not spend it. I want my leisure time to pay dividends like any other good investment. An excellent hobby can provide relaxation and a bit of spice for life. Recreation should be re-creation. Our pleasures should restore our energy and create pleasant memories.

For many, recreation is just the opposite. For example, a nurse sat in the adjoining seat on my flight from Miami to Chicago. I asked her whether she was coming home or going to work. She said she was returning from a long weekend of partying in the islands. Her eyes looked like two red traffic lights. She was going home to her job so she could recuperate from her vacation. This sounds backwards, to me. As I see it, she made a big payment for this leisure time without hope of any future dividend.

My friend Jed Thompson uses his vacation time to work on a boat on the Amazon River, bringing with him dentist and technicians who volunteer their time. As well, they bring dental and medical supplies. They go up and down the area ministering to the local people – first to their health needs and then to their spiritual ones. Another family I know takes part of their summer vacation to go to the poorest areas in the world to serve Christ. These as well as those who participate in mission projects to erect buildings, put on vacation Bible schools, join in with Habitat for Humanity, and other groups like Samaritan’s Purse understand a way to invest their time and energy, not just spend them.

Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish. In William Barclay’s prayer he asks for pleasure in his leisure. This only comes through the giving of oneself to something bigger.

This week look at your schedule and ask: 1) How well do I steward my leisure time? 2) What comes to mind when I think about the difference in investing and spending my time? 3) Who can benefit from my example of investing time wisely?

Words of Wisdom: “Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish.”

Wisdom from the Word: “O LORD, restore our well-being, just as the streams in the arid south are replenished.” (Psalm 126:4 NET Bible)

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The Wise Reader

Weekly Thought – September 30, 2025

Fred believed one of the key elements of maturity came through reading, association, and travel. Almost monthly he received books on a wide variety of topics from friends and acquaintances. He appreciated their thoughtfulness, but he had a basic principle: “I do not feel the obligation to read a book just because someone sends it to me. I also do not believe reading requires me to start at the beginning and complete the entire book. I search for the excerpts which are helpful.”

The Wise Reader

In a book I read recently the author says that some people get to age 35 or 40 and then level off in terms of their personal accomplishments, never climbing any higher. He said that during the younger part of your life, just being alive is enough to drive you forward, but that energy begins to wane. Unless you have a spiritual drive that urges you forward, the physical runs out and you peak.

One of the sources of motivation for me is reading. We can’t keep up without it. Let me ask you something: “What do you read? Do you read objectively? Do you say what do I need to read to improve?” Until you do, you miss the best of reading.
Of course, it is impossible to read everything. I learned a long time ago that my particular interests and gifts are in three areas: theology, philosophy, and psychology. I am an eclectic reader and intrigued by ideas, but since I am a slow reader, concentrate my reading in these three areas. Make clear decisions about what you read and why.

I wear glasses and maybe you do, too. Mine probably cost about the same as yours. Would you trade lenses with me just because I asked you to? Of course not! That would be silly because yours fit you and mine fit me. Reading works the same way. Are you reading what the boss is reading or are you reading what fits you? Are you reading a book because someone sent it to you or because it was on the best seller list?

You wouldn’t wear someone else’s glasses so don’t let someone else’s interests, enjoyment, or career direction determine the use of your reading time.

Understand what your purpose is for reading and carefully discipline your choices.

This week think about: 1) What three books have most profoundly influenced me? 2) What am I reading right now? 3) How would I begin a conversation with my favorite author?

Words of Wisdom: “Make clear decisions about what you read and why?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then books were opened, and another book was opened – the book of life.” (Revelation 20:12(b) NET Bible)

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