Brenda’s Blog – August 19, 2014

“When Mama put on her lipstick, it meant we was going to town.” 

The friendly woman told me of her rural upbringing as we visited before I spoke for her church group.  She said most of their time was spent on the farm with a no-frills, no-nonsense lifestyle.  We both laughed as she told me of her Mom’s clue.  They all hustled to get going because they knew Mom was “on the ready.”

What signals do we send?  In Glenn Beck’s book The Overton Window he described a young employee who glanced at her watch during her powerful employer’s remarks.  When the boss stared at her, the room saw what time it really was… “time for her to find another job, in another city, in another industry.”  His wordless look spoke loudly and clearly.

Years ago I went to hear Elizabeth Elliott speak in Dallas.  My Mom attended with a friend.  As I walked into the room, I saw her far across the aisles.  Quickly I read her lips: “That’s Brenda!”  Her smile told me of her love and gladness in seeing me.  I often replay that scene and remember the sense of acceptance I felt.

At a formal dinner, I sat with two executives who questioned the choice of the new CEO.  They bowed and scraped in his presence, but during his speech they caught each other’s gaze and exchanged rolled eyes.  Those weren’t just clues – those were red flags.  Not surprisingly, they were urged to pursue other career opportunities within the next year.

How clear are our actions?  Do we confuse colleagues or family members by mismatched walk and talk patterns?  Do we enable friends or associates to confidently and accurately read us?  Is it possible to hinder communication with muddy messages?

How well I remember the decibel game with the children.  They had an uncanny ability to know exactly when I hit the sound level they read as, “She means it this time!”  Ratcheting up until obedience is inefficient.

Consultants cash big checks garnered by training others to read body language, word usage, and breathing patterns.  They know how to play the game of Clue for People!

We all use the unspoken as shorthand.  Let’s make sure it is consistent with our intentions and effective in its outcome.  When we put on our lipstick, let’s be certain all those around us know we are going to town.

Brenda’s Blog – July 21, 2014

The drought in the last few years has taken a drastic toll on our tall pine trees.  They are reduced to skinny, naked sticks threatening our houses.  So, this week a baker’s dozen came down with loud thumps.  There were times when I thought the ground would surely crack with the impact.  My house literally shook as the closest ones plummeted ungracefully.

Now, I look at my front yard with gaping holes and strangely miss even the damaged trunks and branches.  I had gotten so used to seeing them, I hardly recognized them as dead — they were just part of the landscape.  I knew they were a danger, but they weren’t uncomfortable or bothersome.

Our bad habits are much like these diseased trees.  We get used to their dead weight on our souls and lives.  We give them space and make room for them, even knowing they threaten our health.  We look past them, rationalizing their presence and promising one day to rid ourselves of them.  But like my trees, the cost of removal always seems too high.

Good habits can be cultivated in 30 days we are told.  Bad habits can be eliminated, but it takes way more than a month.  There were days when I told myself the trees would probably fall down on their own in a wind storm.  Foolish, fantasy thinking.  When we vow to rid ourselves of destructive behavior, we can fall into this same thought pattern… thinking it will go away on its own without effort, sacrifice, and pain.

Recognizing and acknowledging the bad habit is step one.  Admitting to myself the trees had to go was the beginning.  Finding someone to do the job well was next.  Having friends in our lives who will help us as we determine to create healthy space by cutting out the dead wood is critical.  I needed a man who knew what he was doing and would follow through with integrity.  We need friends who are wise counselors with courageous and loving spirits.

George stayed with the job until all the trees were down and the mess was cleaned up.  I still hate the holes, but I know I am a better neighbor because I don’t “ugly up” the street.  I will learn to see my yard as it is now and be grateful.  When we cull out our bad habits, we will miss them for awhile (maybe a long time), but with the help of others and God, we can see life more clearly and make room for more sunshine.

Brenda’s Blog – July 22, 2014

“Automobile Assist:  Driver Drowsiness Has Been Detected.”  My friend’s car actually tattles on her.  If she moves too quickly into an occupied lane, red lights flash, and buzzers beep; if she moves upon the car ahead, the brakes activate; and if she appears to lose full attention, a cute coffee cup icon pops onto the screen.

The amenity package in this luxury car amazes me.  But the amenity package of a premium friendship is just as stunning.

Have you ever found yourself dozing off in life and weaving from lane to lane?  Have you ever closed in on an object in your career path threatening a crash?  What about people who travel in your blind spots?  Don’t you wish you had driver assists?

Too often we see friends who are “cruising for a bruising,” yet we avert our eyes and hearts because we don’t want to be intrusive.  Actually, I think we fail to flash warning signals because the messiness of involvement is distasteful.

Don’t trusted colleagues make observations about career limiting moves?  Don’t dear friends take the risk to share firsthand experiences of seeing spouses or children driving in the wrong lanes?  Don’t ministry partners mention dozing off in the work of the Master?

When we bravely and appropriately issue our alerts, we do it with wisdom and gentleness.  If my friend’s cars were to scream at her, she would undoubtedly overreact, overcorrect, and overdo.  The helpfulness of warning would turn into dire destruction.  The engineers designed a system for optimum effectiveness.

Conversely, if the car’s program merely sent happy talk messages, the beeps, buzzes, and flashes would go unheeded and ignored in times of trouble.   It is tempting to pour out nonstop “attagirls/attaboys,” ignoring red flags in the lives of others.

Proverbs 26:7 puts it this way: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.”

Good friends understand how, when, and most importantly why to share these warnings.  Good leaders exercise discernment and strengthen their organizations with appropriate Will Robinson management.

Brenda’s Blog – July 8, 2014

The Eisenhower Interstate System is under reconstruction – constantly and coast to coast.

The brilliance of a blacktop ribbon of road stretching across our country is a 1950s phenomenon.  Connection, commerce, and communication resulted from the stream of autos flowing nationwide.  I am a beneficiary of the cooperation between Detroit and DC.

But, on long days of travel the frequent (though friendly) signage which tells me forward progress is going to slow down draws a sigh.  When I program my GPS at the outset, there is no provision for “Expect delays… road work ahead.”  My GPS commentator doesn’t anticipate the young workers who turn from “Slow” to “Stop” just as I approach.

In our spiritual life we experience similar halts.  Our God is constantly working on us to conform and transform.  “Road work ahead” signs are a part of the normal, Christian life.  In college, we felt “cool,” writing PBPGIFWMY… it was our own code.  “Please Be Patient, God Isn’t Finished With Me Yet.”  Sometimes it was a cover-up for immaturity; other times, it was a recognition of God’ powerful covering.

It was true then – and still is.  God’s road crews are always at work – and we are the focus.

What have I learned about road work?

1) It is never convenient.  It delays, it distracts, and it discomforts.  God’s time isn’t ours – we are repaved at His good pleasure.

2) It isn’t optional.  I can get off the highway and choose to travel another way, but I don’t have the choice of shutting down their work.  I can fret under the hand of a good God who is working, but I cannot avoid His plan for me.

3) It is for the ultimate good, including mine.  Wider lanes, refilled pot holes, straightened curves – all make travel safer.  As I grow in faith, my usefulness to the community of faith increases.  As He smoothes my rough spots, I can better serve Him.

4) It tests my attitude.  When 75 mph changes to 45, I check my obedience quotient.  How quickly do I react?  How readily do I get into line?  And, how kindly do I let others into line who thought they could “beat the system” by sneaking up on the inside?  How eager am I to “give thanks in all things?”

5) It gives me food for thought.  Dad said, “Never lose the good of a bad experience.”  Road work certainly qualifies.  When a road sign triggers a blog – that is a good thing.  When reconstruction in my life gives me pause for reflection, it is productive.  Seeing God’s hand in every circumstance gives life a lilt and a fullness that makes me smile.

Brenda’s Blog – June 24, 2014

 “Tower View Baptist Church” read the sign.  As I drove along the highway all I could see was the over-sized water tower which dwarfed the small, wooden building sitting in its shadow.  The sign grabbed my attention and I paused to study the situation.

Then I started laughing.  Years ago a dear friend told me, “If you can’t fix it, feature it!”  Some very wise people in the congregation had a marvelous sense of humor.  They couldn’t move the tower, but they could make lemonade out of lemons.

There have been water towers looming over me in my life.  I did nothing but complain.  How much more productive to laugh!  Laughter is life’s lubricant.  When I get too serious, the gears create friction and make a grating sound in my soul.

A commercial running on TV features a disabled veteran who has only one hand.  Rather than wallowing in grief and loss, he becomes the star in a house cleaning tools ad.  He features what he couldn’t fix. Joni Eareckson Tada’s injuries as a teenager left her a quadriplegic.  She refused to be overcome and now leads an international ministry serving other disabled children and adults.

My Dad used to tell me, “Always distinguish between a problem and a fact of life.  A problem is something you can solve, so work on it; a fact of life is a given so don’t waste time on answers, just accept it.”

When life throws water towers at me, I hope to remember the Tower View Baptist Church, make myself a very large sign, and smile.

Brenda’s Blog – June 10, 2014

“No Parking,” read the sign.  Nothing unusual about that – ordinarily.  But the Spring rains left the prohibition standing stork-like in the high waters of the St. Croix River in Stillwell, MN.

I immediately thought of something Dad used to tell me, “Brenda, stay current.  Operate on what is, not what was, or even what you wish it were.”  That sign was meant for times when the water stayed within its banks and motorists attempted to park their cars on the walkway.

Leaders keep their antennae well-tuned to conditions making decisions which reflect change while holding true to the vision.  Consistent review of policies, products, and procedures keep organizations from wading into the water.  Obsolescence quickly comes from missed opportunities.

Strong organizations build on the legacy of history while creating foundations for the future.

Relationships need review, as well.  What are our goals?  What is our direction? How are we growing? What needs tuning?  What needs celebrating?

Recently I cleaned out two closets.  A true challenge to staying current!  Where is the fine line between holding on until it comes back into fashion and simply cluttering?  What separates “good stewardship” from “hanging on to junk?”  Staying current means making tough calls and filling bags.

The river waters will recede and the sign will serve its intended purpose.  But on this sunny May day it served me well, triggering reflection.  No lazy unexamined living for me…time to stay current.

Brenda’s Blog – May 27, 2014

“The artist has determined the presence of the Tower has destroyed his work, so it is closed.”

One of the most interesting exhibits at the Nasher Sculpture Garden in Dallas is a building which features a large hole in the ceiling. Visitors, seated on concrete benches, stare through this hole at the sky. “Trending Blue” is the title.

A Dubai-like office tower now looms over the garden and obscures the purity of the artist’s vision. Rather than compromise, the artist closed access to his work. “It is destroyed.”

Gratitude flowed over me as I read those words. Not because the room was closed, but because we have a God who doesn’t post a sign on me saying, “She is destroyed.” There have been towers, strongholds, and fortresses which loom over my life, blocking the view of His face. There have been times when “Trending Black” seemed the appropriate title, BUT, our God reached down past the obstructions and reconstructed.

The second part of the notice says, “The artist is working to design something that will not be affected by the tower.”

Jesus is the way of escape from the terrible tower. Our God created a way for a clear view of His face.

What if my bad decisions had no means of remediation? What if my choices were written indelibly with no possibility of correction? Praise God He doesn’t mark us “damaged goods” and put us on the trash pile.

How do we apply this to leadership? We are called to lead imperfect, flawed, and sometimes aggravating humans. When plans aren’t executed perfectly, is it tempting to take out the “work destroyed” sticker? What strategies are built in for alternative operations? When do you go into reconstruction phase?

Leading with hope is the sign of greatness. Leading with realism is the sign of effectiveness. Towers may loom over us personally or professionally, but there is always a way to adjust and see the sky.

Brenda’s Blog – May 13, 2014

“Basta, basta, spare me a complete Hakluyt!”

That was my one line in the eighth grade play about new world adventures.  I was Queen Elizabeth 1, costumed in velvet, pearls, and heavy wig.  Try giving great meaning and depth to those seven words, especially when you have NO idea what Hakluyt meant.  I stood in front of the mirror practicing each syllable carefully, striving to look regal and authoritative.

Years later I learned what the Queen was saying.  Basta= enough.  But Hakluyt? Richard Hakluyt was a geographer, chronicler, and explorer.  His efforts to open up the new world, especially the colony of Virginia, were well-known.  He was a talker, writer, talker, journaler, and talker!

His reports were particularly verbose and developed a reputation for their length.  Thus, long-winded speeches were known as “Hakluyts.  Queen Elizabeth was saying to the eager explorer standing before her, “Enough, enough, spare me this tiresomely long report – just get to the bottom line.”  Or, as my Dad would say to me, “Brenda, show me the baby, don’t tell me about the labor pains.”

I don’t know all that information would have helped my prize winning performance, but over the years I appreciate more and more her leadership in saying “Enough, enough!”

“What causes you to say enough?” “Where do you draw the line?” “What are your deal breakers?”

These define moral boundaries.  Strong leaders answer these questions early in their lives.  They lay a foundation upon which they build their careers, family life, and ministry.  Effective leaders form answers before they ever confront volatile or compromising situations.

Good leaders don’t like surprises and especially don’t like surprising themselves.  Our value structure must operate as a knee jerk reaction.  “Basta, basta” is part of a leader’s toolbox.  “Basta, basta” is a well-honed and well-used line.

Brenda’s Blog – April 29, 2014

“You are here” were the words under the big orange dot.

I stood at the directory board examining all the stores while waiting for my friend to meet for lunch. Then I started laughing to myself… isn’t that the way I want God to communicate with me? I want a great big map with everything lined out and then a big orange dot telling me just where I am on the chart.

Where would faith be if we followed the bouncing orange ball? How could we grow in the knowledge of a sovereign God if the next steps were as predictable as those from Corner Bakery to Neiman’s?

However, we can check out our progress. “Are you satisfied with the direction of your life? Are you pleased with who you are becoming?” My Dad would occasionally ask me these questions. There was one more, but I can’t remember… these two are brain-twisting enough.

NorthPark Center in Dallas has a map which marks a walking path. I can know exactly where I am and how far I’ve gone at all times. I can tell myself when I have taken shortcuts and cheated myself out of the complete path. I can also do an extra lap or two and know how loudly to congratulate myself.

On those days when I want orange dot living, I stop and think about the wonders of wondering and wandering, even. I think about the excitement of knowing the person I want to be, but not knowing where that person is going to go in 1 year or 3 years, much less five years. I love trusting in a God who loves me and has a plan for my life – a plan which is more than I could ever imagine.

So when I stand at that directory the next time I will laugh again because He is SO MUCH BETTER than a big orange dot.

Brenda’s Blog – April 15, 2014

“Follow the formula,” recommended my scriptwriter friend.

We were discussing the classic series, “Murder, She Wrote” starring Angela Lansbury.  As a professional, he analyzed programs to find the structure.  “The old ones are predictable.  Intro, murder, confusion, arrest of wrong person (usually related to or befriended by Jessica), intriguing setup, and conclusion.  On her shows they always ended with a charming exchange, laughter and freeze frame of Lansbury’s appealing smile.”

He pointed out the exact time marks.  I applied his formula and sure enough – he was right.  She risked life and limb at exactly the same point in the script episode after episode.

A dear artist friend walked me through an art gallery and showed me the classical technique of painting.  She pointed out the intersecting diagonal lines with the focus at the center point, the horizontal lines which carried the viewer’s eye up, over, and down.  She told me about light and balance as I stood transfixed watching each painting come under her trained eye.

Real life isn’t as easily unpacked as Jessica Fletcher mysteries, or Andrew Wyeth paintings.

I read recently the old philosophical musing of good and evil has changed in the last 30 years.  We used to ask, “Why do good things happen to bad people?”  Now the question is: “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  The underlying question is “Where is God when life seems unfair?”  Another way of putting the question, “Why doesn’t God follow our formula and move accordingly to smiling freeze frame?”

There is comfort in knowing “His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.”  His formula isn’t subject to TV time slots, artistic protocol, or our definitions of fair.

Formulae provide predictability; providence requires faith.  But oh, the joy of stepping outside the lines and connecting the dots of His glorious plan.