Brenda’s Blog – April 20, 2015

“Are your Mommy and Daddy in heaven? Are you all by yourself?”

Granddaughter Emma’s sweet questions were spoken with genuine concern. She was most interested to know why I didn’t have parents. As we talked about it, she asked “Did Jesus hold your Mommy’s hand when she went to heaven?”

Yes, I am the eldest in my line. No, I do not have living parents. But I am not alone. I have a Father who promised never to leave me.

Charles Stanley’s birth father died when he was just months old. He recognized as an older adult he had never called anyone “Dad,” or “Father.” Having grown up with a Dad who loved me through all the ups and downs, Stanley’s statement touched my heart. It gives me encouragement to know as a believer in Jesus Christ, Dr. Stanley had the privilege of calling the God of creation Abba which is translated Daddy.

Most of my friends have parents in heaven. The common denominator is a sense of loss combined with great appreciation. We laugh as we find ourselves saying and doing things which remind us of them. We approach decisions hearing their counsel. We honor their memories by telling their stories and building on their legacies. The journey from earth to heaven becomes shorter and we focus on the eternal more than the temporal.

Someday Emma will have a Gram who is taken by Jesus into heaven. I hope she remembers someone who trusted Jesus day by day, and loved her unconditionally. I hope she has stories of time spent building a relationship which will last for her lifetime. Most of all, I want her to know she is the daughter of a King who will never leave her or forsake her. She is His precious princess.

Brenda’s Blog – April 7, 2015

“When the Light is Flashing, Help is on the Way.”

There is not much to do while standing in an empty elevator by yourself except read the instrument panel. The emergency button always draws my attention. This language particularly intrigued me.

Wouldn’t it be nice if God gave us a pulsating red sign of His presence and His aid? In times of great distress (even self-defined emergencies), we suddenly feel silence and aloneness. Philip Yancey wrote the classic, “Where Is God When It Hurts?” This universal question has no cultural or linguistic barriers. David, the Psalmist, agonized about the quiet times. He cried out from caves, courts, and chaos pleading for the Lord to show Himself.

Christians root in the belief that He is the God who is there, as Frances Schaeffer wrote. We do not serve a wooden idol, made by men’s hands. We have a transcendental, external God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever present.

So what do we do in those moments when the path seems dark and the voice doesn’t come instructing or even comforting? We do exactly what passengers on a stranded elevator do… sound the alarm, trust the message, and wait. We know He will never leave us nor forsake us. We may not have a flashing light, but we live in the light of His Word.

Dr. W.A. Criswell eloquently preached his theme of the “scarlet thread” which he followed from Genesis to Revelation. This thread is Jesus. And truly, the message in the Old Testament is “Help is on the way.” The New Testament assures us that “Help came in the flesh.” And joyfully, as we stand in the elevator today we see the scarlet thread and its message: “Help is coming again.”

In the times when heaven seems closed up and confusion controls, let’s stop and remember – the flashing light is Jesus and help is with us, not just merely on the way.

Brenda’s Blog – March 24, 2015

Built To Last

“Don’t attack the gates because they are reinforced – aim for the walls.”

The History Channel produced a series titled, “Ancients Behaving Badly.” They featured eight gruesome, terrible conquering marauders. Attila the Hun decided to go right at the Roman Empire by attacking one of their invincible forts. Their strategy was unique: ignore the gates and go for the walls. Why? Because the gates are the strongest part of the structure as they are reinforced for protection. The walls are vulnerable.

Where are you assuming strength? Where are you ignoring weaknesses?

I once drove past a house with bars on all the windows, as well as the front door. They were secure from outside invasion. What was the problem? A fire destroyed the house from the inside. They were confident in their provisions, but sadly not safe from interior destruction.

We build our gates to withstand anything that could come against us. We determine where entrance into our character, strategic planning, or lifestyle will be and build in extra strength. But too often it is the unprotected, unseen damage which wounds us. We must be vigilant and prepared on all fronts.

On the ready – ever alert – eyes wide open… these are phrases which describe how we should live. We cannot relax, thinking we have covered all our bases. How many times have you seen someone tripped up by a careless decision or a foolish move? They so very often didn’t expect to create chaos – they were blindsided. The vandals came through the wall!

The wise person is ever aware. 360 degree mirrors allow us to see ourselves from all angles. It is good to stop and take a good look, even risking the shock. When the challenges (and challengers) come we can be “locked and loaded” as they say in Texas.

“Oh, excuse me – may I ask just one more thing?”

Peter Falk, as TV detective Columbo, was famous for his casual turn around as he left the room before asking the key question. His nonchalant attitude took the suspect off guard and usually triggered a most revealing response.

My Dad was a master at asking questions. He was able to unpeel business, faith, financial, and relationship onions by moving from one query to another – never offering advice. In his later years I asked him about this strength. “How do you open conversations with people?” “You ask them a question they want to answer.” Thinking there would be a simple follow-up I asked, “How do you know what that is?” “You just do.” This exchange taught me something critical about the process: there is an art and a science to questioning.

My friend Bob Tiede collects excellent, effective questions – and those who ask them. His blog www.leadingwithquestions.com features outstanding writers and recommendations for asking powerful questions. Each post points out the necessity for putting this skill into your toolbox.

Listening is a critical leadership element. What is the best way to create a listening environment? Asking questions. My Mom accompanied my Dad to many business dinners, often seated next to the host or another high-powered executive. On one occasion the host apologized to my Dad saying, “I am so sorry for placing Mary Alice next to Mr. X. He is a tough nut and he will make her miserable.” “No, you watch tonight and see what happens.” Soon, my Mom and this man were engaged in conversation. The host was stunned. “How did she do that?” “She asked him questions about himself and she truly was interested in the answers.”

What is your favorite ice-breaking question? What is your favorite family question? What is your favorite decision-making question? What is your favorite self-evaluation question?

As we learn the art and science of questioning, we will develop our increase our effectiveness in business, church, community, and relationships. And I leave you with two of my favorites: When do you feel most alive? When do you feel God’s pleasure?

Brenda’s Blog – February 24, 2015

“Thank you for loving us and being so kind to us.”

Thirty-six hours later my 94 year old friend unexpectedly died. Those were the last words I heard from him.

Have you ever considered your final expression? Would you want it to be an affirmation of your faith? How about a message of love to your family?

Jack didn’t have time to craft final words for he fell into unconsciousness never waking up until he opened his eyes seeing the face of Jesus. He lived with words of blessing on his lips. He lived prepared.

What would a lifestyle of readiness look like? Would our relationships benefit from more “I love you” and less “I told you so.”

Years ago an older woman came by my house. Noticing the unfolded laundry on the dining room table, the dishes in the sink, and the toddlers wanting my attention, she offered this advice: “Always leave your house dying ready.” “What?” “If you were to leave the house like this and not make it back, all the sweet church ladies would come in. They would offer condolences adding, “Bless her heart – she tried her best but her house was certainly a mess.” I appreciated her words, but at that point a helping hand with the children would have been much more helpful!

I cannot say my house is always dying ready, but I think about it every time I walk out the door.

Perhaps our relationships should be dying ready. As we leave each other, words of encouragement should be the last ones they hear. At my age, many of my friends enjoy marriages of 50 and 60 years. One of the common denominators is the “say I love you when we leave” rule. The heart is softened when these words cross the lips.

Speaking life and blessing to one another demonstrates the life of Christ. Being ready for our last words to be strengtheners emanates from the Spirit. Creating a community of encouragement flows from our Father God. What a privilege!

Brenda’s Blog – February 10, 2015

“My entire life is ‘have to.’”

Steve Martin’s woeful response in Parenthood struck a chord with me. For the last few years I have worked on a discipline: changing my language replacing have-to with get-to. It is so easy to slip into the habit of thinking life falls into have-to categories: I have to get to church; I have to pick up the grandkids; I have to eat dinner. Funny, I don’t think I ever say, “I have to eat some chocolate!”

When I realized how negative this sounded to myself and to others, I began the exercise of translating my language to match my heart’s feeling. I love to go to church; I adore picking up the grandkids; and nobody likes dinner more than I do. So how did I fall into such a sloppy pattern?

I think I gave into the “oh, how busy I am” lifestyle. I immersed myself in the multitasking style. When that happens, good things become duties. How sad!

Then I stepped back and looked at the privilege of being a part of others’ lives. I looked at the joy of participating in my life. So, I shook my finger at myself and did some self talk arriving at this conclusion: “Life is a precious privilege and I am thankful for all I get to do.”

Beverly Sills, the world-renown operatic soprano, was once at a pre-concert cocktail party. She prepared to leave saying, “I have to go sing at the Met so I will leave you all.” Then she stopped almost mid-sentence correcting herself. “NO, I GET to sing at the Met.” Big difference, isn’t it?

As leaders of families, ministries, companies, and communities, we often make to-do lists that devolve into have-to lists. We must continually train our minds and hearts to know these are opportunities granted to us as blessings.

I want to be a get-to person, don’t you?

Brenda’s Blog – January 27, 2015

“God is a really good painter.”

My four year old grandson stared out the window at the redness. The Christmas Eve sky excited us. Will’s spontaneous response spoke for all.

That moment taught me much about recognizing the beauties of our God. How good it would be to stop and acknowledge His nature. Think of the times when He is kind beyond measure. Or, the days when His faithfulness defies description.
Life is enriched by stopping to say thanks. Seeing His hand in our daily activity makes Him so much more real. We pray for His presence yet ignore His day by day activity. What if we practiced the awareness of His touch? What if we paused to express awe?

Life’s details blur into a mish-mash of prioritized to do lists. The junk prevents us from seeing the sweetnesses He gives us.

Years ago I planted wild flowers which quickly became lunch for my neighborhood’s deer population. Thinking the money was wasted and the effort fruitless, I put it out of my mind. In the spring a few (very few) purple blooms appeared. I grew so accustomed to the yard filled with leaves, pine needles, and dirt I almost missed the wee blossoms. I intentionally stopped one day, stooped down, and spoke words of appreciation for those which made it through deer season and the cold winter. I saw them.

Each day God blooms in our world, demonstrating His qualities. How good it would be to stop and purposefully thank Him. A heart of gratitude for a great God enlarges our capacity for thankfulness. Practicing the “God sighting” game gives a lilt to life that is impossible to duplicate.

Brenda’s Blog – January 13, 2015

“I don’t want to call in the next defensive play.”

These words spoken by the football great Lou Holtz point out the principle: winning doesn’t come through playing catch up.

Years ago I heard the illustration of being a thermometer versus thermostat. One records the current temperature; the other determines the temperature. One plays defense while the other is offense. At the risk of using the entire year’s quota of clichés, one more comparison: reaction versus action. When we consistently wait to respond, we lose the ability to change the game.

New Year’s resolutions too often are merely the reworking of last year’s regrets. “I want to lose weight” is another way of saying, “I gained way too much last year.” “I want to be a nicer, more generous person” restates the dismay of being hard-hearted and close-handed.

Lest I sound like “I am the captain of my fate,” I must say I believe in the sovereign control of our triune God. The book of James warns us against saying, “Tomorrow I will here and I will do that.” He adds, “We must cover each plan with “As the Lord wills.” His complete control does not excuse me from strategic thought and planning. Stepping out in faith with boldness, reverence, and anticipation honors our God.

2015 is already established in the heart of God. As it unfolds in real time, it gives us the grand opportunity to be His thermostat… to be one who sets the tone, the temperature, and the tempo. We can focus on the plays which move the ball up the field. Our emphasis can be to advance our God-ordained plans for His honor and glory.

Brenda’s Blog – December 30, 2014

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a slight problem and will be leaving soon… Ladies and Gentlemen, there is an additional problem so the maintenance crew will be coming out to check… Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be returning to the gate for repairs… Ladies and Gentlemen, the maintenance department will be coming with the required paperwork and we will depart for Dallas/Fort Worth shortly.”

The running narrative represented a series of “few minutes” until we had been squooshed into a full flight for nearly two hours before takeoff. I am a road warrior, loving my time in the car with all the freedom, space, and independence afforded by my own wheels. Here I was leaning into the window as the heavy set gentlemen next to me snuggled into my side and slept soundly.

All on a Thanksgiving Day morning! Clearly, I had a choice: grumpiness or gratitude. I would like to say I immediately shifted into grateful heart mode, but momentarily I tried on the grumpy face to see how it felt.

Then I remembered a man who spent years imprisoned, impoverished, and isolated who taught us the only true freedom is the control of our attitude. Viktor Frankl came back, as did my Dad’s love of his philosophy. I looked at the man in the seat next to me trying to get to Tucson to watch his son play in a college football game and acknowledged the power of parental love. I looked at the two basketball teams on the plane and thought of those young men who would assume leadership positions in our world someday. I silently thanked the woman in the seat in front for not reclining into my already cage-like space.

Instead of a run of the mill flight, I experienced the opportunity to practice appreciation. I even mentally thanked the FAA for having regulations which prevent planes from flying with non-working pumps!

Dad said, “Never lose the good of a bad experience.” The Bible says, “In all things give thanks.” Gratitude is the pathway to a joyful life.

Brenda’s Blog – December 16, 2014

“You take a shaker and sprinkle salt on the rabbit’s tail… that is the way you catch them.”

First came the incredulous expression, then the laughter as we listened to our friend’s story of her childhood. “Mom would send us to the top of a steep hill where the rabbits lived, dragging a large box which took two of us to carry. Then she gave us salt shakers.”

“Did you ever catch a rabbit?” “No, but this is what we did year after year.”

Apparently, the salt had some magical quality and slowed the rabbit down enough for them to capture the four legged hopper in the box.

Funny, eh? But then I started thinking about traditions which continue through families, churches, and businesses. “That’s the way we have always done it” never goes away, does it? A committee recommends changing the color of the church carpeting and some would think a divine edict had crashed into pieces on the somehow sacrosanct floor.

“Sacred Cows Make the Best Hamburger” is the somewhat irreverent title of a book which challenges us to look status quo in the face. Do we accept things as they are just because they are? Do we go rabbit hunting with salt shakers because we always have?

Tradition is important. In fact, I think we are trashing too much of our national history, but we must constantly search for the context. Was there a reason for the activity? Is this still valid? Would another practice be more appropriate and effective?

Remember the old story about the holiday ham? Susie asks her mother Nancy why they cut off the ends of the meat before putting it in the pan. “That is the way you do it,” responded Nancy. Now curious, Nancy asks her Mom, Mary who answers with the same reasoning. Grandmother Marie is then asked why the family bakes a ham this way.” My pan was too short, so I had to cut it to fit.”

We all have our salt shakers. We all follow patterns without question. Some of them give us warm memories of childhood memories. Some of them just become habitual and need shaking up.

The next time you see a floppy eared, cotton-tailed critter hopping through your yard, grab your Morton’s and go for it!