Brenda’s Blog – March 28, 2017

“How much is under your bed?”

In my childhood and teen years I loved to read. I cherished my library card and used it readily.

Only one problem: I had great difficulty returning the books. And when I knew they were overdue, I would hide them under my bed until my Mom demanded they surface and return to their rightful owner – the public library.

This became a metaphor as I grew older. Some people talk about sticking their head in the sand. Not me, I stick it “under the bed.” I put unresolved issues, undone chores, and unattended to duties in a safe, dark place from which they cannot arise and haunt me.

But they eventually do. Like the kind library police who came to the door with a list of books and a demand for their return. In those days they didn’t have those “freebie forgiveness days” when all fines were erased. No, my avoidance technique meant I paid the fines out of babysitting money and puny allowance allotments.

What are the things that are secreted away just because they are either too difficult to handle, too troublesome to manage, or just too overwhelming to attack? Every once in a while I actually face up to them and give them an airing in the light of day. When I do they are usually dealt with in such a short time I wonder (time and time again) why I pushed them away and didn’t just get them done.

In life coaching there is a great term for these items – “tolerations.” We put something on a to-do list, then move it to an even longer one… and so forth until it becomes a perpetual undone. If something is on the to-do list for a day – great. If it is still there after a week it has become a toleration – something we put up with but don’t deal with. They weigh us down as surely as if we were adding layers of weights to our clothing. Tolerations are only removed when they become intolerable.

Let’s climb under the bed and clear out that tattered to do list which grew into moldy tolerations.

Brenda’s Blog – March 14, 2017

“Low tire pressure – attend at once.”

I turned on the ignition, heading out for a busy day. The warning system certainly got my attention. Avoiding the message was not an option. Actually, it might have been in years past, but a modicum of maturity has actually developed in my “old age.”

So, I considered my options, enlisted the aid of my brother-in-law, and made it to Discount Tire.

Why is this blog worthy? Because it makes me think about life’s flat tires and emergencies. And more importantly – how to deal with them.
What are the first two considerations? Time and money. “How am I going to reorder my day to allow for this inconvenience?” “How much money is this going to cost?”
Too often in life I have allowed money to delay action – and of course, require an ultimate fix and even more money. Why do I think waiting will alleviate the necessity of action?

And equally important is the decision to take time for the fix. Rough patches and flat tires in life are never on the to-do list, are they? They are never convenient, or a welcome surprise. But they are always opportunities to learn about our reaction times. An essential element in the maturing process is the ability to react wisely and well. These “pop quizzes” come at inopportune moments letting us see where we are on the maturity chart.

When was your last flat tire? When did you get a sudden change in your plans? How did you process it? What did it tell you about your growth?

Discount Tire has customer service posters on their store walls. They are true to their word – they repaired, rotated, and sent me on my way with no charge – and a friendly smile. What another good lesson in ways to treat others as they face their potholes and flat tires. We should be the compressors who “air them up,” with lack of drama and abundance of good will.

Flat tires come, but they don’t need to flatten us. They are “teachable moments.”

Brenda’s Blog – February 28, 2017

“The Trump children handled themselves well and spoke in complete sentences.”

The commentator’s remark was meant to laud, not taunt. But it struck me as funny. Grown adults who spoke in subjects and predicates hardly seem like news, but today they are.

In 2008, my son Jeff told me about Twitter and the 140 character format. “Oh, Jeff, how in the world can you adequately communicate like that?” One of the signs I was a card-carrying member of “old school.”

Acronyms are not a current phenomenon. Quite the opposite.

Phrases originally designed for military communication now meld into popular usage. For example, MIA (Missing in Action), AWOL (Absent without Leave). To teenagers in the 50s a letter with SWAK written on the back flap, made hearts skip a beat. We thought it was a secret language but SWAK (Sealed with a Kiss) was a well-used war-time code message.

The Weather Channel has a complete lexicon of acronyms. Bad weather is measured in TOR-CON (Tornado Condition Index) or even PDS (Particularly Dangerous Situations). Those are two which could easily blend into common vernacular describing work situations and personal relationships!

Most of the twitter language is lost on me. I still tell people, “That really made me smile” instead of typing LOL! I live in fear of sending a message to my friends and family which translates into something totally vile, so I use up way more characters playing it safe.

When I was promoted to a home office position my parents were quite proud. The day before I moved my Mom and I took one of my older mentors to lunch – a man with great experience and rather jaded about the effectiveness of home office people. He was a successful insurance sales agent. In all seriousness he said to my godly Mom, “Well, what do you think about your daughter’s becoming a HOSOB?” She smiled sweetly and said, “We are so grateful for this opportunity.” Later that night at the country club, my family and I ran into another professional colleague. My Mom beamed and said, “Brenda is going to be a HOSOB. Isn’t that great?” The man looked stunned at this saintly woman speak these words. The only hint I will give you is that HO stands for Home Office. You can fill in the blanks.

Shorthand has its place. But let’s not lose the beauty of a well-constructed complete sentence. Let’s maintain the energy of a conversation which stimulates thought. Let’s keep on talking.

Brenda’s Blog – February 14, 2017

“FOMO is the essential element of our lives.”

Listening to a podcast about millennials and money, one of the panelists brought up the importance of experience in their lives. FOMO is a cardinal rule. The Fear of Missing Out absolutely drives so many of our 20-34 year olds. They long to be social – music, active lifestyles, interaction – these are part of their DNA. A generational specialist once told me, “They don’t listen to music – music is their world… it is the water in which they swim.” Socialization is the same.

Toffler, author of Future Shock, predicted people would be willing to allocate more money for experiences in work, consumption, and all other areas of life. Pine and Gilmore developed this idea in their work, “The Experience Economy.” They pointed out the service economy ended and now people wanted more than transaction – they want action and interaction. They use Starbucks, Nordstroms, and the Ritz Carlton Hotels as prime examples of making the experience the product. The true tangible product is really just a by-product.

Last week I had a conversation with Ronnie Cunningham who is an authority on today’s youth. He bemoaned the loss of logical thinking when totally exchanged for experience. Ravi Zacharias, the international theologian, uses as his tag line “Let my people think!” It is easy to control a group which focuses singularly on emotion and experience. Thinking is a protection against tyranny.

FOMO is intriguing! It is also addictive and manipulative. The anxiety created by always wanting to be in the middle of “what’s happening” puts a person in bondage. It is also a great creator of temptation. “I’m at the newest restaurant, buying the newest device, meeting the latest and greatest…” Tweets, Snapchats, and Instagrams like these create discontent. Back in the day we didn’t have FOMO, but we had “Be there or be square.” The threat of being left out wasn’t created by the millennials. Eve, in the garden, was tempted by the taunt, “Oh, God just doesn’t want to be have good things and be in the know.”

As a Mom, Gram, and great Gram I think much about the values of my family. How can I translate the experience economy and FOMO into a thirst for things which last – experiences which have eternal meaning? How can I fan the flames of not wanting to miss out on what God has to offer?

May those of us in the 4th quarter encourage younger ones to be bold and courageous – and strong in the things which have eternal value.

Brenda’s Blog – January 31, 2017

“I am only one”

My paternal Grandmother was a woman of strong character, yet challenged with physical weakness. She gave birth to six children and raised the five “boys” after her little girl died in early childhood. As the wife of a depression era pastor she sacrificed daily to provide for not only her family, but all the others invited in by my merciful Grandfather.

In her later years we lived in the same town. What a joy to pick her up each week (with my two little toddlers in tow) and take her to lunch at her favorite place. My father graciously underwrote this “ministry.” She taught me about parenting, following Jesus, and plain, ordinary common sense.

She had a motto which hung in a small frame. I often looked at it, but did not fully understand its depth until later in my life. And the truth of the words strike me as even more profound year by year. During one of my crafty phases I studied calligraphy. I decided an appropriate gift for her was my rendition of her life words. She received it as if I had presented an original hand-lettered Guttenberg Bible.

After her death I went to her apartment and carefully took it from the wall. Even decades later, it has a special place wherever I live… a place that catches my eye and my heart. So, I want these words to give you hope in a chaotic world which demands far more than our bodies and minds should be expected to offer.

My Motto
I am one – and only one;
I cannot do everything, But I can do something.
What I can do I ought to do.
What I ought to do by the grace of God I WILL DO

“You are having dinner guests – I won’t stay long.”

My neighbor stopped by for a visit. She saw both my dining room and breakfast room tables were fully set. Her natural conclusion surprised me. “Oh, no, I am not expecting anyone – I just keep the tables set because I think it is prettier that way.”

If you walk into my house, the table settings will change seasonally. They look cheerful, inviting, and expectant. But rarely are the plates filled with food, the glasses holding sparkling drinks, or the napkins unfolded from their gala shapes. My tables tell a story – a make believe tale.

As I watch HGTV the “reveal” always includes a professional staging which introduces the potential buyer to the world as it could be in that house. You see active families, or energetic singles pursuing interesting lifestyles. As people view the homes they find themselves picture themselves inside the “storyboard.” I often wonder how they feel when they open their recently purchased home and the dream they bought has been packed up and hauled off in the stager vans.

My neighbor’s words made me think about my own home. And then my life. I love table settings (as did my Mom) and I love playing house ( as did my Mom). But my travel schedule, and my singular lifestyle don’t allow for a houseful of happy diners often. However, I like to think this is the way I live – the potential is there… the picture is there.

The question then arises… how often do we stage a life rather than engaging in one? Too often we dress the part, even talk the part, but actually never play the part. We can make our lives look interesting, challenging, and fun. But when the curtains are pulled, sometimes it is more staging than engaging.

My challenge to myself: invite real, living human beings to sit in those chairs, unfold those napkins, and fill the plates with food, gathering together with laughter, conversation, and engagement. I want to make the picture real in 2017.

Brenda’s Blog – January 3, 2017

“Mommy, we need to pray.”

I sat at a table eating my sandwich at Wendy’s and mentally lost in my long to-do list. A sweet little voice broke through. “Mommy, we need to pray.” I turned around to see a young boy about 4 or 5 making a matter of fact statement to his parents. “You are right, honey, let’s pray.”

I thought about the innocence of young ones and their understanding of values. His quiet leadership made me think about what lies ahead for him. His clarity will serve him well.

Then I thought about the confusion we adults create when we have “situational ethics.” We compromise when it becomes inconvenient. We cut corners when it suits us. We learn to live in the gray areas.

In Scripture we read the words, “And even a child shall lead them.” Listening to that voice made me think about the small voice of conscience which speaks to me. I want consistency in my thoughts and actions. I want to avoid arguments with myself and spend more time rejoicing in the growth I see.

I stopped by the table as I left to thank the parents for praying – and for listening to their son. That is a family training up children who will be great lights in our world. Congratulations to them for listening then taking right action. May we all live like that!

Brenda’s Blog – December 27, 2016

“Twists of Fate which brought strangers together in a life-saving event.”

The Weather Channel aired a special titled “Twists of Fate” highlighting horrendous weather-triggered emergencies which brought strangers together in dramatic ways. The situations were startling, but the “coincidences” and “twists of fate” dwarfed the impact of the experiences. They pointed out each turn which affected the outcomes – down to the smallest details.

The life-threatening stories were difficult to watch. But to see the documentary chronicle each turn and credit the fickle finger of fate prompted me to speak out loud to the TV screen (yes, I was alone in a hotel room watching this in the early morning hours). “THIS ISN’T FATE – THIS IS THE HAND OF OUR MOST HOLY, AWESOME, GRACIOUS GOD!”

This is the same God who sent Jesus as the “in the flesh” representation of the triune God. THIS was no accident, no twist of fate, no coincidence, either. We serve a purposeful God who intervenes in history and in our lives. PRAISE BE TO HIM.

Thanks, Weather Channel for giving me an opportunity to worship!

As we complete one year and begin another, let’s intentionally look for the many times we are protected, guided, and directed which feel like coincidences. Let’s enjoy seeing the hand of God in our lives. This is great joy for us and I believe for Him, as well. He loves to hear our voices of thanksgiving and what better time than that special moment we truly know is a “God-thing.”

Brenda’s Blog – December 13, 2016

“Live for what outlives you.”

Bill McKenzie, founder of Pine Cove Christian Camps, used these words as the title of his recent book. Others advise us to plant oak trees or invest in mission activities. The underlying principle is living well by investing in efforts which endure longer than your own life span.

A friend told me she is convinced grandparents and even great-grandparents who didn’t know her prayed before she was born. I agree. “Paying it forward” is a common phrase we use to consider ways to bless others who have done nothing for us. I prefer “praying it forward.” By praying for the lives of my grandchildren, their future mates, faith walks, and children I am participating in the generational connection.

Taylor University names their buildings after great people of faith rather than using them as “naming opportunities” for large donors. They certainly appreciate those who contribute to the financial well-being of the school, but they made the decision to reserve prominent nomenclature for those who served the Lord and the Body of Christ wholeheartedly, regardless of financial support. In this way, Taylor honors those who gave their lives to something which undoubtedly outlived them.

When we grew up we were urged to spend money on deposits into the memory bank, not just things which would soon lose their meaning. Wise counsel (although not always appreciated by materialistic teens!). My parents are both gone now, but the memories last. They knew how to build up an account which would outlive them.

What are you doing to establish a project that will outlive you? What deposits are you making into the lives of those yet to come? How can you join Bill McKenzie in living for what will surely outlive you?

Brenda’s Blog – November 29, 2016

“Food is essential for life therefore – make it good.”

As I stood in line at Chick-Fil-A I read the sign on the wall. The words of founder Truett Cathey made the wait more interesting.

What else is essential for living? Air, breath, shelter – certainly, but aren’t there many more things like relationships, sense of well-being, a purpose… these, too, are essential.

Recently I had a conversation with an extremely bright young woman who is exploring her purpose and her next steps. She wants to make them good; she wants them to express how essential they are. This fall we spent time with many college students who repeatedly asked us about making a difference through their lives. Unlike many news reports, we find this generation of students we meet at Christian colleges to be eager to see what God has designed for their lives. And moreover, they want to connect their experiences with opportunities to be of value to others.

The ideas of productivity and contribution are essential elements of a healthy person. We want to feel like we were put on this earth for a purpose. My Dad used to counsel young people to “find their uniqueness.” As a teenager he was given a paraphrase of Proverbs 18:16: “Take the gift that God has given, and use it, and you will stand before great men.” The actions of taking and using are vital to a productive life.

Serving others is a responsibility we can accept with joy. The more we know about our gifts, talents, skills, and passions, the better we contribute. As we focus on the essential aspects of living well, we more clearly understand that the goodness of chicken applies to all areas of our lives.