Brenda’s Blog – July 3,2018

“Do you know anything about making cookies?”

The good looking young man asked me this question in the baking aisle of the grocery. “I know a little, what do you need?”

“Would you look and see if I have everything I need to make chocolate chip cookies?” We cross-referenced the faithful chocolate chip recipe on the back of the Nestle’s package finding two or three items which were missing from his cart.

“Is this a special occasion?”

“I am turning 20 in three days and I made out a bucket list of things I wanted to do before I was 20. The last thing is “bake chocolate chip cookies. So I want to get this done.”

My age group talks frequently about bucket lists, but in the true sense of things we want to do before “we kick the bucket.” The purposefulness in this young man’s face clearly indicated a man who plans well. I imagine the next 20 will see outstanding items on the “before I turn 40” list.

Tomorrow a high school friend is buried. The last time I had a serious conversation we talked about bucket lists. “The only thing I want to do is spend time with my family creating memories. I have done all the travel, bought all the ‘stuff,’ treated myself, and crossed off all the status items. Now whatever years I have left are going to dedicated to meaningful experiences with my children.” Those words went deep into my heart and mind. Her cancer reoccurred and her years were indeed spent making rich memories with family. We will celebrate her life, her choices, and her determination to leave a legacy, not just accumulations.

How can we encourage those around us, young and not-so-young, to make the days count? How can we make sure our bucket lists are about relationship and not just “stuff?”

Brenda’s Blog – June 19, 2018

“Physics always wins”

My friend Steve is a professional trucker. I bragged to him I make a point of driving courteously around trucks. “I never pull in front of them on a down-hill grade.” His automatic response was “that’s good because physics always win.” He was telling me that thousands of pounds moving downhill cannot be stopped on a dime because a foolish auto driver decides to pass and pull back in quickly.

Laws of nature apply to all areas of life. There are consequences to our choices. Assuming we can beat the odds is short term thinking. “What you sow, you will reap” is a way of putting it. If we jump out of a plane without a parachute, we will crash… physics wins. Gravity is always the victor.

Another lesson is resistance. Most 18 wheelers have a cab with a wind reduction configuration. The rounded appendage allows the wind to go up and over, decreasing resistance and increasing performance. We need to have strategies to overcome emotional resistance in our lives. What can we do to defeat depression, loss of direction? How can we come back from bad decisions, or moral failures? We need winds of turmoil resistance structures in our lives. We need to build in scripture, Christian friends, good books, and music among other elements which will build up our resistance. We need to establish go-to habits which will cause the attacks of the spiritual winds to pass on over and not cause drag.

Most trucks have lettered signs like 1: “If you can’t see my mirror, I can’t see you.” 2) “This truck makes wide right turns.” These informational warnings help you avoid trouble. They also let you know the driver is aware of his truck. When we really know ourselves we can help others do well around us. Each of us has constructive strengths and destructive weaknesses. When we discover these, we can enable others to “drive safely” on the road with us.

I grumble at them as they rumble by me on the interstates, but I also pray for them for I know they are people working hard to support their families. I laugh when I hear their shower number called for a shower in a Pilot station, but also cheer for them to safely deliver goods across the country. They teach me about perseverance, professionalism, and grit. I will try to give them a wide berth and be a courteous driver as I share the road with them.

Brenda’s Blog – June 5, 2018

“This shows I am a safe place for anyone who needs one.

The foundation executive prepared to address the scholarly group. My associate and I were early to the event and spoke briefly to the speaker. I noticed a large safety pin in his lapel. Not being fully versed on current insignia I asked what it was and why he wore it.

“This lets people know they can trust me and I will provide safety for them in public places.” His answer actually stopped me for a moment. Then I asked, “Where have been identified as safe and what can you do?

“In areas where progressive thought is considered dangerous, I can how them I am a supporter.”

Walking away I was a bit bemused and confused by the need to wear a diaper pin on my jacket denoting my willingness to protect.

Then I started thinking about trust. One of my favorite statements was on the desk of a businessman I knew: “You can trust me to be who I say I will be; you can trust me to do what I say I will do.” At the time I was in sales and this affirmation held great meaning.

What tells others we are safe? What tells others we can be trusted? What does our life represent that speaks of integrity, honesty, and good character?

Our ministry is with college students. Most attend our events initially thinking it will be a waste of their free time. Afterwards we repeatedly hear, “I am so glad I came. I learned so much and I connected with people who want to stretch and bless us.”

Years ago Christians adopted the Ichthus (fish) symbol to communicate “we belong to Jesus.” When others would see the sign they were eager to establish contact and community. Even without the fish, we should live in such a way others see our character and feel safe. Put the pin down and pick up a life befitting honor and trust.

Brenda’s Blog – May 22, 2018

Dad loved Andrea Crouch’s song “Through It All.”

Before the Fred-in-the-Bed group left each Saturday morning, Dad asked them to sing the chorus. We gathered around the piano singing loudly so he could hear from his bed. In his last hours I sat in the hospital room reading to him.

When we finished our daily passage he said quietly, “I’ve learned to trust in Jesus; I’ve learned to trust in God.” He soon lapsed into unconsciousness and those became his last words. Trust in God is more than a devotional subject. It is a declaration of victory at life’s end.

Maturity is not avoiding the rough seas, but knowing we can make it through by trusting God. Perseverance is not gritting our teeth, but seeing the source of strength and attaching ourselves to the Rock in the storm.

Father God, may our final breaths be used to express hope and acclamation. And as we live may our trust continue to grow ever stronger. How we love you and how we worship you as the one worthy of all trust.

Brenda’s Blog – May 8, 2018

“They have a sweet spot. If you find it, they work just fine.”

My son-in-law fixes Hello, Fresh meals three nights a week at my house while working out of town. I watched him manipulate an old, stubborn pair of scissors to open one of the neatly packaged ingredients. “Don’t you want me to find you another pair that would work better?” “No, I have figured out the sweet spot.”

As he cut across the bag, I thought about his words. Aren’t we like that? Don’t we have people in our lives who seem to be difficult, rusty, and hard to manage? Strangely enough, others seem to have a gift of working with them without tension and resistance. What is the secret? Finding the sweet spot… we all have them.

Gary Chapman wrote about Love Languages decades ago. His premise: each of us has a distinct way of receiving love. He believed most strife in relationships came from the inadequacy of recognizing and operating in the other’s love language. One is “Words of Affirmation.” Another is “Gifts.” And “Acts of Service” makes the list, too. One of our biggest difficulties is discovering the other’s language and not trying to use our own language as a “one size fits all.”

A dear friend definitely values time spent and words of affirmation. Her husband is clearly a gifts and acts of service kinda guy. He spends their weekends washing the car, buying her flowers, and generally believing himself to be extravagantly loving his wife. She longs for time over a cup of coffee, talking, and receiving reassurance of her value. She constantly tries to engage him in “meaningful conversation,” to his frustration. Both head their separate ways on Monday wondering how they missed so badly.

Finding our own sweet spot is key, as well. There are times when I feel like that old pair of scissors, trying so very hard to perform a task, but doing it badly or failing entirely. Oh, but when I am doing something in my giftedness, those blades just whiz through making clean, sharp cuts.

Looking for the sweet spot in others makes life work. Finding my own sweet spot gives my work life.

Brenda’s Blog – April 24, 2018

“God is not a meanie.”

Phoebe Fair was four years old with cancer which soon took her precious young life. Her faith was mature and pure. Her trust in God ministered to all who knew her. But even more than that, her faith stretched world-wide as the story spread. As a member of the Zig Ziglar family, Phoebe’s platform for her witness went “to the uttermost parts of the earth.”

Even more significant than her reach was the profound knowledge of the Most High. He wasn’t a far away, impersonal force. He was her very special Abba… Father. And her relationship showed everyone around her the reality which takes a lifetime to achieve. In her short life, she walked and talked with God… and taught us all what that could be. She knew Jesus loved her – and she loved Him back.

What would you say about who God is? Would multi-syllabic theological terms be your go to? Would question marks fill your mind?

Theology is the study of the nature and character of God. Phoebe was a theologian of the highest order. My brother asked my Dad at the end of his life, “If you only had one more talk to give, what would be your topic? “ Dad answered, “The nature of God and the nature of man.” Dad taught us a correct understanding of each allowed life to make sense.

There are times when we doubt the goodness of God. We question His processes and wonder about the outcomes which we see (or more often don’t see). When those gray days come perhaps we can reflect on sweet little Phoebe who is enjoying the eternal presence of the God she loved and trusted and say, “God is not a meanie.” He is a working God who has it all under control and shows us His love through Christ Jesus. We can pray for child-like to love Him completely.

Brenda’s Blog – April 10, 2018

“Put on the shield of faith to ward off the fiery darts of the evil one.”

One of my favorite visuals is the spiritual armor from Ephesians 6. I try diligently (but not truly consistently) to “put on the armor” each morning before I start the day. One of my most important pieces is the shield of faith. It isn’t the tiny little hand shield, but the large one used to form a strong front for the entire line of warriors. It required several people to stand together connecting their shields in front, along the sides, and over the heads. It created an iron box which protected from the flaming arrows.

These days those arrows are flying fast. If I walk into the day without the protection, I am a sitting duck. What are those darts? Discouragement, distress, distrust, depression – all those D-arts. And there is a vocal track which accompanies the whizzing weapons. “You are not good enough; your children are hurting and where is God? You are making a mess of everything.” And as the song says, “on and on and on and on it goes. BUT faith says, “No, you are my child and you are in my plan. Your family is Mine and I have them in my hand.” NOTHING can separate me from the love of God.

What darts are aimed at your heart? Where are your soft spots? Enlist others to stand behind the shield with you. The last part of the armor verses says, “having done all to stand firm, pray at all times in the Spirit.” Join with others to form a shield which the enemy of our souls cannot pierce.

Let me pray with you – and you pray with me. Let’s be soldiers of the Cross together.

Brenda’s Blog – March 27, 2018

“It was only a crack on the north side, we didn’t think it was serious.”

A pedestrian bridge collapsed in Florida this week killing at least four people. Until the crash it was a media event because of the speed of construction and the cost-effective construction methods. THEN IT HAPPENED.

In the aftermath studies reveal numerous safety complaints and warnings. Substandard construction methods are coming to light. Too little light – too very late.

I thought about people I have known… those who wanted the flashy, rise to the top in a hurry success. They drew much attention and acclaim. But eventually the underpinnings gave way and something crashed, either a relationship, a career, or personal integrity.

There are technological advances which allow progress, but there are also rules of physics which bow to no shortcuts. The same applies for our character. We can find ways to skip a few of the stepping stones, but ultimately it catches up to us.
The cracks start to show. Some close to us recognize the fault lines, but they are either ignored or passed over. We may look on the exterior, but the interior is rotting like a tree that looks good until it falls, letting all see the hollow core.

Pressure often shows us where the weak areas are, just like the bridge. Elevators, bridges, sky platforms – all have weight limits. When exceeded the structure can crater. We are like that, too. Stresses challenge us and if not corrected, bring us down.

I am sad about those who lost their lives in this tragic accident. I am sad, also, for those marriages, businesses, churches, and communities who are impacted by the implosion of leaders.

Cracks are serious – they signal lack of structural integrity. Cracks in our character should be taken seriously, too. Getting to the top too quickly without building the necessary infrastructure is an open invitation to collapse and catastrophe.

Brenda’s Blog – March 13, 2018

“Natalie’s Garden and Nursery”

The colorful sign with floral details drew my attention. The lettering was feminine yet not fussy. The painted door welcomed visitors. The crudely drawn word “CLOSED” and the overgrown weeds indicated the end of Natalie’s dream. The care taken in the front walk, the small Victorian building, and the hope of sharing her love for gardening were still apparent, but the condition of the property told a story of a journey’s end.

I have no idea what happened. Did the small Alabama town not share the vision of a quaint enterprise? Did the little house tucked off the main road deter customers? Did Natalie run out of money? Did she experience staff, health, or personal relationship problems?

I will never know, but it made me think about other dreams which grew for a time then bore the CLOSED placard. Why do some flourish and others fail? Why are some nurtured while others collapse?

These life turns can be learning moments for us. We can give our dreams a decent burial, take away the lessons, and focus on the next step. But this is the rub. Too many times we cradle the lifeless hope, wishing vitality to return. We think perseverance means never throwing in the towel, but stubbornness results in throwing way too many hours, and dollars after it. Churchill is quoted for his “never, never, never give up.” However, there is another maxim which aptly guides: “When the horse is dead, dismount.”

As I drove down the road I considered Natalie and wished for her a productive, blooming life. I envisioned a sense of adventure with other gardens of different varieties blossoming. Perhaps this enterprise had a short lifetime (based on the brightness of the paint and landscaping), but somewhere Natalie is taking this experience and turning it into something beautiful.

I also thought about the dreams in my life… some expanded beyond my imagining; others deflated like a week old helium balloon. But I am stronger, wiser, and even more optimistic. I know myself, my gifts, and strengths… yes. But I also know what areas need serious bolstering where potholes lie in wait for my dream mobile.

Dreams energize us. The excitement of seeing an idea come to life vitalizes us. We must never give up looking ahead, but we must also know that dreams can have expiration dates and the wisdom to read the code helps us grow.