Brenda’s Blog – July 1, 2025

“Don’t do a Sarah!” From his hospital bed Dad listened carefully to our conversation. A group of his good friends had just called me to offer help on purchasing a log cabin at Holly Lake Ranch which would be my home “after Dad’s homegoing.’ When I began the process I had a specific amount of money which would be my limit. If it weren’t accepted I would gratefully acknowledge this was not a good fit. These friends heard from Dad about the situation and told me they would make up the difference between what I had and what they were asking. These were godly, wise men.

I turned to Dad in the hospital room and told him of the conversation. Before I took the final breath and exhausted him with my detailed report of the phone call he looked at me and simply said, “Brenda, don’t do a Sarah. You have prayed about this; you have peace about the decision, so DON’T DO A SARAH!” I knew exactly what he meant. He and I read scripture together daily and the lessons learned in Genesis’s narrative of Abram and Sarai (Abraham and Sarah) still clearly came to both our minds.

She loved Yahweh. She loved her husband and wanted the promised blessings to be his. When it looked like the holy timetable had gotten off track she took it in her own hands to “fix it.” What everlasting trouble resulted from that simple act of helping God.

Dad was telling me to thank the men but to trust God. I graciously expressed my appreciation as I said no. Strangely, that very afternoon my realtor called saying, “I have put better offers than yours on the table repeatedly and been refused. They accepted yours and I will never know why. It is a mystery!” Was it really? Or was it the outcome of stepping out of the Ms. Fixer role and truly trusting God?

Dad died a few months later and I wholeheartedly believe those were his words of blessing for me. He knows I love God and he knows I too often jump ahead in my fervor and desire to see good things happen. But often I hear him say, “Brenda, don’t do a Sarah.”

If you find yourself too eagerly acting thinking “surely, this is such a good thing – it must be God’s will for me (or others)” pause a moment and consider that momentary trust can produce a lifetime of glory for God.

Brenda’s Blog – June 17, 2025

“What has become clearer to you since last we met?”

Transcendentalists Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau were great friends. Their times together often left great gaps in time. When they saw each other their greeting to each was “what has become clearer to you since last we met?” Isn’t that a marvelous question? Indeed better than “Wha’s happenin?”

Their greeting presumes each has invested time thinking about ideas, doesn’t it?

In our age of mobility we often lose track of friends. Platforms like Facebook enable us to reestablish virtually, but too often face to face is lacking. The experience of sitting down with old acquaintances, associates, and even family members is both pleasurable and meaningful.
When I took a promotion and moved to Iowa my job involved regular travel. For the first thirteen months I spent the weekend wherever the work ended on Fridays. I laid out a schedule of high school, college, and country-wide friends calling it my Sentimental Journey. I invited them to meet me for a cup of coffee and a “catch up.” It literally filled my relationship tank!

Two long-term local friends and I met for lunch yesterday. Of course the conversation turned to children and grands. “I get texts weekly and sometimes daily from my daughter, but if I call I get one word answers and a hurried ‘Bye, Mom!’”

A Facebook blog carries the title “The importance of Mother/Daughter trips.” As a mom and sister who is blessed to have fond memories of road trips, bucket list fulfillments, and discoveries of delicious desserts I know the critical nature of these excursions. There is nothing like time in the car together for free conversations, silly laughter, and warm hugs. It is even a proper way to find out what has become clearer to another!

A recent article encouraged readers to say thank you to those who had contributed to their lives. Parents, siblings, teachers, pastors, and employers were high on the list. As an octogenarian most of those deserving of my gratitude are no longer alive. I sadly wish I could tell my band director or choir teacher how music has been a stabilizer for all my life. The pastor who modeled grace and peace when a selfish family ignited a church split certainly would be on my list. Employers who believed in me and “saw something” will always be critical pieces of my story. If those on your list are still alive, don’t wait! Say thank you; tell them they made a difference. That is the best catchup of all!

Brenda’s Blog – June 3, 2025

“You never know what you are going to find when you pull off the drywall.”

I remember when TLC and HGTV captured the imagination and creativity of America. Everyone caught the remodeling bug and even began thinking of flipping houses as a satisfactory “side hustle.”

Every show featured the moment when someone’s dream home became a nightmare. “We have good news and bad news…” We all knew more time, more money, and fewer options were to follow. However, through the miracles of TV renovation the celebrity builders overcame all barriers and produced tearful reveals.

It was not unusual to find corrosion and mold when plumbing, wiring, and flooring were opened up. The exterior appearance belied the internal decay. No Band-Aids allowed – no patch jobs worked, either.

I realized my spiritual makeover (theologians call this sanctification) is similar. As the Holy Spirit pulls down the walls, my transformation into the likeness of Jesus exposes natural rot. I needed a full clean-out as the Spirit rebuilds me in His image. How many times did He open up areas desperately needing His construction skills?

Living as a testimony to the fruit of the Spirit required full time attention. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control were the outcomes of this construction project.

He provided tools of prayer, Bible study, and Christian fellowship to bring the elements of His love forth. The reveal isn’t a one-time experience. Rather, it is a day by day, ongoing work. But the day will come when we will be presented to God as the product of His magnificent work. YAY!

Brenda’s Blog – May 20, 2025

“Brenda, every curve on the road is engineered to be taken at the stated speed under normal conditions.”

I was sixteen, a new driver, and riding with my Dad through the mountains of North Carolina. He deserved much credit for his reserved response to my constant pumping of the brakes as we rounded the curves. It was easy to see he would not have driven the road the same way, but he knew it was important for me to learn to navigate the twists and turns.

I fell in love with driving at 16 and at 81 that love still thrives. In my cross country trips I often encounter challenging roads which remind me of Dad’s words. I may not take them like the race car driver he so wanted to be, nor like my friend Marianne who learned to drive on Germany’s Autobahn, but I don’t slam on my brakes and crawl, either.

Think about the application of this to life. The divine engineer has designed our journey knowing just who we are, what we need to learn, and the maturity which results from driving the curves. There are many times when I want to slam on the brakes saying, “This is too hard! This is beyond my abilities.” But then I remember Dad’s instruction and know there is nothing we face that is not within the stated speeds He has established. He is not unaware of the conditions. And critically important is the fact that He cares!

We are equipped by Him for the time in which we live. He chose these days for us. So, let’s drive in faith knowing the path is engineered to bring honor and glory to Him and fullness of life to us.

Brenda’s Blog – May 6, 2025

Four year old Phoebe looked up from her hospital bed and told her parents, “It is alright because God is not a meanie!” At her memorial service these words made us all cry. It has been several years, but they still come to mind regularly.

Jesus asked His disciples two questions: “Who do men say that I am?” and “Who do you say that I am?” He still asks us the same question. What is your answer?

The pastor and author A.W. Tozer wrote these words: “What a person thinks about when they think about God is the most important thing about them.” What do you think about when you think when you think about God?

As a young girl I learned to sing “Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little ears what you hear, be careful little mouth what you say. The Father up above is looking down in love.” “The Father up above” phrase put down deep roots in my little soul. I knew I could hide in my closet, under my bed – anywhere and God could see me. What didn’t go deep was the phrase “in love.” He watches because He cares, not because He is wanting to catch me doing something bad and mete out punishment. When as an adult I learned who He really is, it changed my life.

We know who we are because we know who He is. Our identity is established in and through the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a forever hallelujah! The world sets the parameters for how we think of ourselves and regard others. Those are false measures. The true one is established from the foundation of the earth by the Lord God Almighty who sent Jesus to redeem us, and tell us we are now His.

Brenda’s Blog – April 22, 2025

Devon Booker plays for the Phoenix Suns. When he was 18 years old he left college and went into the NBA draft as the youngest professional basketball player. He studied Kobe Bryant, even mastering one of Bryant’s signature moves. He chose well when he looked to the seasoned star.

He tells the story of asking for KB’s signature on his shoes. “Be legendary” was the message written on them with the famous player’s signature. That has become a lifetime message, especially after the tragic helicopter death of Bryant.

Perhaps we aren’t top draft choices, G.O.A.T. level performers, or known throughout the world for our wealth, but several points jump out: 1) Play to your strengths; 2) Choose a mentor wisely; 3) Understand the cost of excellence; 4) Appreciate the joy of accomplishment; 5) Set bigger and bigger goals.

What would you want to hear from your mentor? What are you saying to those who come to you for “life lessons?”

The influence of others on us and ours on them is too often discounted. Think of the time words of encouragement enabled you to take that next difficult step. Consider a quick moment when your smile at a check-out counter may have brightened a tough day. What we say can have lasting impact – even beyond lifetimes.

The book of Proverbs tells us an apt word is like “apples of gold in settings of silver.” High value, wouldn’t you agree?

Brenda’s Blog – April 8, 2025

“Several Old Testament characters lived too long.” Dr. Donald Campbell, President of Dallas Theological Seminary from 1986-1994 surprised the audience with these words. Clearly Dr. Campbell firmly believed our days are numbered by God, but his message was about living out those days with wisdom.

As he spoke I thought about words my Dad offered to a men’s retreat: “Guys, don’t make a junkyard of your old age.” That should have evoked a laugh, but these mid-life high achievers listened attentively as he described the pitfalls ahead. During the intervening years several men in that group traveled the road successfully while others sadly made a trash heap of family, work, and faith community.

“You have had every opportunity to get mixed up with all kinds of stuff during high school. What made you choose otherwise?” This question to one of my grandsons brought an answer I will never forget. “Gram, I set goals and I knew what I needed to do to achieve them. Partying and running around might be fun for just awhile, but then it could disqualify me for the things I wanted the most so I chose not to.” I was stunned – and deeply moved. How grateful to know he learned early the principle of wise living.

We have the privilege of living out our allotted time to bless others, grow in mind and spirit, and serve the Lord. I am now into my “octogenarian season.” The threats to finishing well still abound, but with God’s strength and courage I will not be one who lived too long. I encourage you to know the joy of living in wisdom and truth.

Brenda’s Blog – March 25, 2025

A friend is a retired therapist specializing in couples counseling. He told me of an unnamed, unidentified clients who came regularly for counseling. She was the one with all the input, opinions, and ideas about what would make their marriage work. At one point she talked about being disappointed in social situations because people seemed to greet her, visit a moment, and then move away. She was puzzled. My friend gave her an acronym: W. A.I.T. to use in social situations, as well as marriage. “What do you mean?” He calmly replied, “When you are in a group and it feels awkward, stop and think WAIT… Why Am I Talking? More times than not, you probably have over talked your time and others uncomfortably move away.

My son Jeff carpooled in kindergarten with a darling, outgoing neighborhood girl. One day I was driving and she was talking and talking and talking. At one point she stopped momentarily and Jeff said, “What’s the matter? Did the batteries in your mouth run down?” Nearly fifty years later I still laugh when I think about that time.

Someone facetiously said we were created with two ears and one mouth because that is exactly the proportion we should use as we engage with others. Mastering the fine art of listening enables us to communicate with a highly developed interpersonal skill. Scripture reminds us: “Let those who have ears, hear.” And in hearing, let us understand. Then in understanding, we can help one another travel the path to maturity.

Brenda’s Blog – March 11, 2025

“Don’t make the rookie mistake of thinking the play is over before It is.”

These words spoken by a commentator during the Super Bowl pregame show interested me. The panel went on to illustrate the principle. “He thought the play was whistled dead, so he stopped pursuing … and the opponent scored!”

I don’t play football, basketball – not even pickleball! So, how does a non-athlete apply this?

What about the times I thought the play was dead and walked away? I even thought about the times I pulled off the highway because the traffic backup looked impossible to navigate only to exit and find I quit right before the jam was broken and the traffic moved ahead.
Or college when my plans didn’t work out so I withdrew, and then found out a greatly desired opportunity was offered within hours of my official transfer. I thought I heard the whistle and stopped playing.

Over my 80 years I have ample examples. What comes to mind as you recall your own life experiences? How does the principle and your dreams/goals intersect? Are there times when you quit too soon?

What did those rookie football players learn? Never assume it is the end; never stop playing. As followers of Jesus we can use these opportunities to grow and help others. The Lord brings us through in order to use us for His plan and glory.

Maturity helps us avoid rookie mistakes. We learn to know when to play on.

Brenda’s Blog – February 25, 2025

“When I am 80 I will start cleaning out my house.”

I was 70 when I made that remark thinking 10 years was light years away. Now I am standing eyeball to eyeball with 81 and the house is still warmly filled top to bottom with a lifetime of mementos – and no empty spaces.

I remember pontificating on aging (before I was aged) about the principles of “growing older but never old” to use one of my Dad’s well-known phrases. How clear it was in my 60s. One of my points was the necessity to learn the “pleasure of purging.” What a laugh. My advice: always remember our kids don’t want our stuff, but need our stories. Doesn’t that sound easy? Even fun?

Now I look around and calculate whether I could possibly live long enough to empty shelves. More to the point – what will I do with all the memories stored on those shelves when the occupants are gone? It isn’t just stuff, is it? The moments they represent become the puzzle pieces of a full life.

Cleaning up and out is part of this transitional season… a necessary part. It is too easy to rearrange, form higher stacks, or ignore. How did I begin this yet unfinished task?

1) Set a date to start – probably not 10 years out. Then start.
2) Create a strategy – identify items of legacy importance, box up the “gathering dust” articles and place in the do without pile, ask for wisdom to gift items as memory-makers to friends or institutions.
3) Pray for patience, insight, discernment, and perseverance – there are many stops and starts.
4) Prepare for the joy of passing on stories, and yes, even some stuff. The gift of giving isn’t just about money, but about life lessons, Christian faith, wisdom, and encouragement.
5) Surprise yourself (and your family) as you hold lightly to a lifetime of accumulation, knowing what you have isn’t who you are.