Brenda’s Blog – December 4, 2018

“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.”

Facebook is replete with requests for love and support in the holiday season. The more celebrations gear up, the more anxiety rises. The brighter the celebration glows, the gloomier the sense of loss becomes. “I don’t know how I will get through the first year.” “I will be all alone this year.” Similar sentiments pop up as we scroll post after post.

Then we look beneath the surface of life stories and realize one principle: struggle strengthens; perseverance promotes growth. Yes, there were (and probably always will be) holidays with emotional stings. There will be a sense of loss, whether human or canine, as empty places remind us of holidays past. There will be a sadness as life in the new normal emerges.

But then we start using the pain to encourage another who enters into grief. We use the lessons learned during suffering to comfort another as they step into the process. We come along side one who is experiencing the crush of loss thinking they won’t survive to show them they will make it.

We see the sweet pictures of tiny trees shooting up through solid rock; we see flowers budding through city sidewalks – and know we are reminded to persevere… to break through the suffering and blossom. It isn’t always this poetic, is it? Sometimes the rock seems too hard and the concrete too solid. But God makes a way to trust Him in the darkness. He takes the jack hammer of grace and turns the rock of pain into the Rock of our salvation.

Those who never exercise their faith muscles end up with flabby abs. Those who seek a life with no trials are often an inch deep, with no ability to relate or connect.

So, in this season of dazzling lights, unrealistic expectations, and severe disappointments, let’s use the lumps and bumps to grow fabulous musculature… strong, tested, and true. Pain exists, but maturing into someone useful to others is worth the hurt.

Brenda’s Blog – November 20, 2018

“And their voices prevailed.” (Luke 22:23)

The trial of Jesus climaxes in these four pitiable words. Pilate wanted a reason to free Jesus and maintain his political position with the Jews, so he gave them a choice. He kept looking for the “right answer,” but the crowd kept calling out Barabbas. “And their voices prevailed.”

Such sad words, aren’t they? So easily passed over. But wait – shouldn’t we stop and think about the implications for us today?

During the holidays the sounds of Christmas carols blend in with strains of stinkin’ thinkin’ as Zig Ziglar liked to say. Truth about the incarnation and mishmash about materialism on steroids create a cacophony of voices which confuse and distract us.

Hallmark movies with 40 different ways of using the same script (and revolving actors) try valiantly to woo us into the happy ever after. In actuality, loss of relationships, jobs, hopes, and dreams create loneliness and aching.

How can we tune out the voices of “you need more,” “life is only good if you have ________________” (fill in the blank)? How can we shut out the noise of a culture which talks over, screams at, and seeks to subdue? How can the “still, quiet voice of God” break through to our spirit? How can the prevailing voices be captured and only the sounds of the sacred audible?

It is in discerning what needs to be heard and what needs to be stifled and muffled. It is in listening for the precious voice of the One who loved us so much He sent Jesus (God in the flesh) to teach us what life really means.

Thanksgiving Day gives us an opportunity to focus on voices of gratitude. Then we can shout for joy!

Brenda’s Blog – November 6, 2018

“Error message: your proximity sensor is not working.”

My go to response was “ignore it and it will go away.” Right? I got so tired of seeing the message, clicking for it to go away, and then trying to use the phone until it popped up again.

Finally, after weeks I thought… “what is a proximity sensor?” Searching for the answer I found a technical description which left me with nothing but more questions. Then I asked, “what makes a proximity sensor stop working?” Ah, ha! Helpful information at last.
“When a screen protector is incorrectly applied, the proximity sensor is deactivated.”

I immediately knew the answer – I installed a screen protector myself with no assistance. Even though it didn’t fit exactly right, it was a “close enough” job. Then the error messages began. I removed the protector and the messages disappeared.

People have proximity sensors, as well. We have what psychologists call “psychic space.” This varies from person to person and even culture to culture. We know when someone closes in and creates a social claustrophobia. We create barriers which send error messages to those who violate our space. We move, we fold our arms, we grimace – all as ways of saying, “Back off, you are making me nervous.”
How careful are you to read others well? How discerning are you when meeting new people? What do you do when the error message appears on the face of another?

Just like my phone drove me nuts when the repeating message which deterred the efficient use, we can miss the message from others who are saying, “I really want this conversation to work, but you are crowding me and creating a distraction.”

Effective communication results from well-developed skills used efficiently. The habit of reading people involves recognizing their space requirements and working within them to facilitate easy conversation.

Brenda’s Blog – October 23, 2018

“You can do it, Mimi. I believe in you!”

The cute seven year old urged his grandmother to get into the pool. She was hesitant and afraid of the water. With his sweet face smiling at her, he patiently waited for her to walk into the shallow end of the pool. AND SHE DID! Her look of accomplishment was only outshone by the thrill of her grandson.

One of the questions we ask college students at our Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute events is “Who first said ‘I believe in you.’ “You would expect these student leaders to quickly respond, wouldn’t you? But often (way too often) we hear, “No one has said that to me.”

One young man recently said, “My Dad was mean to my Mom and me. He told me I was nothing but trouble.” Another responded, “I knew I was loved but my parents never told me they believed in me.”

The positive answers are usually coach, Sunday School teacher, or grandparents.

The last thing we do as a team before leaving a school is line up as a team and ask the students to form a line. They come by; receive a handshake, and a word of encouragement or blessing. Many times this includes looking straight into their eyes and saying “I believe in you.”
Who first said “I believe in you?” Then another important question: “Who is hearing from you ‘I believe in you’?”

A woman at Jarvis Christian College came up as we left, hugged, and said, “You spoke life into us this weekend.” THAT is what motivates us to travel “on our own dime and time” to college campuses fulfilling the mission: Stretching and Blessing the Next Generation of Leaders… to the Glory of God.

“You can do it, Mimi!” AND SHE DID.

“In Jesus’ name, press on.”

Selah is a Christian group privileged to minister through their music. Years ago they recorded a song titled Press On. Click here to listen to this song. Some of the familiar lines are: “when the valley is deep; when the mountain is steep; when the body is weary; when I stumble and fall.” Very familiar human conditions, aren’t they? The chorus exhorts the listener: “In Jesus’ name, press on.”

In the early 2000s I undertook a job which was lucrative, but for which I was a terrible misfit. I put on my game face, went out day by day to conquer, then retreated back home to my caregiving responsibilities.

On one particularly difficult day, I returned to the office dragging in spirit and body. The Christian radio station played this song as I sat in the parking garage talking myself into opening the car door. Suddenly, I just couldn’t move. I sat and listened to those words while tears ran down my not-so-game face. “In Jesus’ name, press on.” Just the hope I needed.

In the nearly 20 years since that day I have often turned to Selah’s rendition for encouragement. And I send the words to others whose bodies are weary and spirits are wracked. The strength of these words is the very fact it doesn’t say, “Tie a knot and hang on.” Or, “Pull yourself up by your boot straps.” No, it says the way up and out is pressing on in the name of Jesus.

We are going to be in deep valleys as long as we live. And certainly mountain ranges are going to rise up to challenge our faith, but the name of Jesus will never lose its efficacious power. So, on the worst of days I can confidently press on. YAY,God!

Brenda’s Blog – September 25, 2018

“Bring your King James Bible”

Driving through the Central South I rounded a corner and spotted a large church sign. It was an invitation to attend the local congregation. Across the middle in bold, large type were the words: “Bring your King James Version Bible.”

These words gave me food for thought along the mountainous road. What message was this sign sending? I am not welcome with my ESV or NIV or NASB? Hopefully not, but it was a clear statement of preference, wasn’t it?

Living in Dallas for so long I was exposed to outstanding Bible scholarship. I learned the whys and wherefores of Bible translations, version, editions, and paraphrases. I understood the beauty of the language authorized by King James. When Bible verses come to mind they are often in the language of the haths, thees, and thous. I memorized the words so lyrically recited by pastors, Sunday School teachers, and parents. But I also learned of the more accurate translation skills of later versions.

I know there are strong, Bible-believing and living Christians who hold to the authorized version as the only trustworthy “sword.” This is a valid preference, but it shouldn’t dictate rules of fellowship. Our list of hills we are willing to die on is already way too long.

I started thinking about my own hand-lettered, large font signs I may wear around like a sandwich board. Do I determine the who and how of community based on preference, not principle? Where do I draw lines then broadcast my positions loudly so everyone understands exactly where I stand?

Where is the liberty and love so badly needed in human interaction?

I am hopeful I would be welcomed into their Sunday service even without the KJV and I so desire to be clear that preference isn’t dogma.

Brenda’s Blog – September 11, 2018

“Brenda Goforth”

The day began with emotional upsets. The need to earn a living pressed hard on me. I chose commission-only sales because it gave me freedom as a single Mom. “You’re a natural… you are good with people; you build trust easily; you understand abstract concepts…” Yes, those were all positives. One small piece was not included in the equation: I could not ask people for money. In other words, I couldn’t close the deal. To survive in sales, a sale must be made, right?

On this day I left the office scheduled with appointments to talk with business people about their insurance plans. I was newly single and struggling greatly. The Dallas traffic created havoc. I pulled off onto the feeder road to move past the stand still on Central Expressway. I edged toward the intersection. Everything in me was coming apart.

Then I looked up – there on the corner was a property for sale. Nothing unusual. BUT, the real estate broker’s sign posted the agent’s name: Brenda Goforth. What? There it was in front of my eyes – Brenda Goforth.

I laughed, I cried, and I praised God. Just when I needed Him most He gave me a two word expression of His presence. I did go forth. However, I soon realized management was definitely in sync with my design, leaving sales calls to those gifted men and women who loved “asking for the sale.”

Are you at an intersection wondering what God is doing in your life? Is this a time when the “what’s next” seems veiled? This may be a season of confusion, pain, and struggle. But please don’t lose hope.

God is at work in your life. There is a go-forth He has prepared for you.

Brenda’s Blog – August 28, 2018

“What could go wrong?”

Counting Cars features Count’s Kustom hot rods and choppers. It is one of my favorite History Channel shows. On one episode several of the employees worked to sell Danny, the owner, on the purchase of new equipment. They sold hard, giving enthusiastic reasons why this made total sense. They went on and on while Danny listened. Finally, they stopped and he said, “What could go wrong?”

The conversation stopped and they started thinking about the question. The quality of the question intrigued me.

My son, Jeff Horch, told me one time, “Mom, you love ideas. When you are with people who are enthusiastically throwing ideas around, you get all caught up. Why don’t you ask, ‘Who is going to champion this idea and manage it?’ If they don’t take it on, leaving it to you, then thank them and move on.” Jeff knew when I took on too much, things can go terribly wrong.

Many times it is easy to get captured by the sparkling benefits of something new. It grabs our attention, starts our mind racing, and engages our emotions. Before we make bad decisions, wouldn’t it be good to stop and assess, “What could go wrong?” When we fall in love with a new outfit, car, or even a house, creating a neutral space for our thinking is critical.

Frequently businessmen came to visit Dad, asking his counsel about taking a second generation into the company. After Dad listened to all the positives about carrying on the family tradition, Dad would ask one question: “How are you going to tell your wife you are firing her beloved son?” What he was saying: “If things don’t go well and you have to separate the son from the business you aren’t removing an employee, you are firing your wife’s son.” Suddenly, the emphasis is more on family than on business. Dad’s bottom line was always, “Never hire a relative until you have figured out how you are going to fire them.” Not that the owner would have to, but he has to understand and prepare beforehand for the “what could go wrong.”

Successful decision making considers all elements of the outcomes.

Brenda’s Blog – August 14, 2018

“Don’t worry, I will take care of you.”

My friend Sharon is a horsewoman of exceptional skill and passion. As she spoke lovingly of her experiences she told of an event with challenging jumps. She approached a particularly difficult one, feeling her anxiety rising.

As if reading her mind (and body language), her beloved horse seemed to exude confidence and unspoken assurance. She said she could feel the message, “It’s alright, I have this – just relax.” At that moment they sailed over the fence with strength.

As she spoke I thought about the relationship we have with God through Jesus. We are told in scripture He “never leaves us or forsakes us.” Our confidence is in our triune God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. We are joined together in communion and can relax no matter how daunting the jump, nor frightening the task.

When our spiritual body language shows we are losing focus and beginning to struggle, we can hear the words “Be bold and of good courage.” God has it!
A friend reminded me this morning of the words, “In this world you will have trouble (tribulation).” The rest of that verse tells us He has overcome and is in control. When we are in sync with Him, we can see Him work His will even as we face the most troubling times.

Sharon’s communication with her horse and her subsequent peace about the most urgent demands remind us we can trust our hopes, our dreams, our very lives to the One who loves us. Life gets messy and uncertainty often rules, but we don’t have to see the fence – we can see the One who takes us over. And as we sail we can do a great big “Yay, God – you had it all the time!”

Brenda’s Blog – July 31, 2018

“Who turned off the lights?”

My friend the urbanite moved to the Piney Woods of East Texas. With little orientation, she stepped out on to her porch the first night. IT IS DARK IN EAST TEXAS! She said her immediate response was, “Who turned out the lights?” No neon, no digital billboards, not even flashing stop lights – just stars. What? Just stars and many, many of them… more than she had ever seen in her life. She had no idea what the heavens held.

No, she didn’t immediately fall in love with the woods. No, she didn’t jettison her yearning for city life. But she did begin appreciating what you can see when the lights are turned off.

My next door neighbor moved from the Dallas metroplex to our woods. She, like my other friend, had never lived outside miles of artificial lighting. She also did not know the frequency of power outages in our rural area. The first big storm taught her a valuable lesson. During the night she headed to the bathroom, flipped on the light, but saw nothing. She made her way to the sink and tried to look in the mirror – but saw nothing. She was in total darkness.

“Dick, Dick, I have gone blind.” Her bleary husband woke up to her frantic cries. He got up with the flashlight, tried other lights and diagnosed the situation: power outage. Once he calmed her down, convinced her she was indeed among the sighted, and overcame her “we are moving back to where the power doesn’t go out!” she learned to love the dark nights.

Each of us has times when we feel like the lights were turned out on a dream, or a goal. Maybe we need to stop and appreciate the stars in the new situation. Perhaps we need someone to shine a flashlight and show us it may not be what we originally assumed.