Purposeful Mentoring

Weekly Thought – April 7, 2026

Fred believed in stretching by adding responsibility. He assumed others wanted to do their best and to grow; he mentored by adding weight.

“The weekly thought came at just the right time for me. Thank you continuing Fred’s work,” wrote a North Carolina man. He is growing through stretching.

Purposeful Mentoring

A common mistake is thinking mentoring means older men visiting with younger men without an agenda and moving eventually toward a Bible study or prayer time. Visiting, Bible study, and prayer are all excellent activities, but they are not mentoring.

Mentoring is a one-on-one relationship for the specific and definable development of a skill or an art. One of my favorite mentoring stories is the young pianist who came to Leonard Bernstein and asked to be mentored. Bernstein said, “Tell me what you want to do, and I will tell you whether or not you’re doing it.”

When you analyze this, you realize Bernstein truly understood mentoring. The young man initiated the contact, had a specific request, and made the request of an authority. I assume the young man didn’t come to Bernstein only to get rich as a concert artist, but because he wanted to be a better pianist.

I am often asked, “How do I look for the right mentor?” The mentor and mentoree must share a compatible philosophy. Our goals and methods are really an expression of our fundamental life philosophies. As a Christian, in mentoring someone who wants to grow spiritually, the process must be built on divine principles. A young man came to me asking for my help in making him a millionaire. That was his life’s goal. His focus was on materialistic, humanistic outcomes. I told him we were not compatible philosophical, so I would not be a good mentor for him.

The mentor needs to be knowledgeable in the subject and objective in his assessments. The mentor who says what the mentoree wants to hear is irresponsible. He should not counsel in matters in which he is not an expert or pass judgment in subjects beyond his limitations. It is important to be able to say, “I don’t know; I’ve had no experience with that.” But, if that becomes a common response, this is not a good mentoring relationship.
The mentoree comes to learn and the mentor must have skills and experiences that promote the growth.

This week think about: 1) What skills do I have to offer a mentoree? 2) Who is my current mentor? 3) How do I ascertain if my philosophy matches another’s?

Words of Wisdom: “Mentoring is a one-on-one relationship for the specific and definable development of a skill or an art.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!” (Proverbs 1:5 NET Bible)

Locked In

Brenda’s Blog – April 7, 2026

“I’m FREE!” That simple text expressed my sister’s release from ICE imposed house arrest. The first day was fun – a day off from work. The second and third days were challenging. And by day four she was marking her hours of incarceration by staring out the window, hoping to be sprung. (Actually, she was hoping for Spring!)

A friend of mine emailed to tell of a dream in which she watched the church move away from the bondage of darkness. The great hymn puts it this way, “My chains fell off; my heart was free; I went forth and followed Thee.”

What chains entangle you? What habits tie you up, hindering your progress?

One of my dear friends is in rehab. The current assignment is to write out the life story. “Where did the anger begin?” “Where did the hopelessness and powerlessness take hold?”

“In the free” is the slang for walking out of jail. We don’t have to wear orange jumpsuits to be psychologically incarcerated. And, we don’t have to be sentenced by a judge – we can judge ourselves declaring guilt that is undeserved. But we have the right to claim life “in the free.”

The grace of God through Christ Jesus pours down mercy hour by hour. Morning by morning we can receive His gifts of freedom. We are free to live without recrimination. We are free to throw off those shackles which slow us down.
As an influencer, what is holding you back? As a decision maker, what is hampering your effectiveness? What lies are you believing that put up road blocks?

Break free – put your life in four wheel drive and hit the road. There may be a few icy spots, but always remember – turn into the slide and you will be fine.

Making Peace

Weekly Thought – March 31, 2026

Fred wrote for Leadership Journal from its inception. He created interest by choosing subjects which most avoided. He worked with Harold Myra, Paul Robbins, and Marshall Shelley for years as they brought cutting edge material to the marketplace. This week’s thought is excerpted from a 1984 article titled “Why Peacemakers Aren’t Popular.” In today’s environment, a word about peace is helpful.

Encouraging emails this week comment on the ongoing value of Fred’s thinking. “It could have been written last week” is a frequent expression. That is the benefit of principle-based work. “Only the illustrations change,” said Fred.

Have you been stretched by Fred’s words? Who else needs to know about the Weekly Thought? Help us expand the reach and deepen the impact of Fred’s lifework by sharing.

Making Peace

Nothing I know starts fights faster than the subject of peacemaking. In principle, of course, everyone is for it. But it’s amazing how defensive and hostile people get trying to make peace.

One of the reasons peacemaking isn’t popular is simply because some have a vested interest in conflict. We see this in union/management negotiations, and sadly, even in the church. I have seen leaders take up the “purification of the church” cause thinking they are defending God. Personally, I don’t think God needs help, especially from the hostile.

Peacemaking is an action springs out of the right attitude. Sure, we will have differences, but they shouldn’t create anger and separation. Mishandling differences just raises the emotional temperature. We aren’t supposed to be fever-makers, but peace-makers.

We don’t redeem situations by changing organizational structures. We redeem them by bringing in a different spirit – the spirit of Christ – even if it means we’ll lose. As difficult as this is for me personally, it’s still true.

The Spirit of Christ eliminates the inflammation and inflammatory.

It’s amazing with the nearly universal desire for peace, very few people are willing to pay the price it requires. Like the rest of the traits mentioned in the Beatitudes, peacemaking is admired as an ideal and ignored as a reality. Too many of us prefer power to peace.

What Christians must remember is power does not come by vanquishing others. Power doesn’t even come by defending the right causes or the purity of our theology. No, true power (and peace) come through humility and obedience. And that’s a price few are willing to pay.

Think about: 1) How interested am I in peacemaking? 2) What price am I paying for peace? 3) What do I “go to the wall” for?

Words of Wisdom: “Too many of us prefer power to peace.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:26 NET Bible)

They Call Me Virginia

Brenda’s Blog – March 24, 2026

“They call me Virginia, the navigator… I am glad you found us.” It was getting late; I had driven many miles; I was ready to quit. All well and good except for one thing: I couldn’t find the hotel. It was a national chain with an address near an interstate exit. No problem, so why was I lost? Why was I getting frustrated?

Finally, admitting defeat I called the hotel and sweetly said, “Where are you?” (Probably not so sweetly!) “People get lost all the time,” she answered before giving me turn by turn directions.

“You are without a doubt the hardest place I have ever tried to find.” Laughingly she said, “Yes, everybody ends up calling, so the regulars have a name for me: “Virginia, the navigator.” Her voice and manner was truly sweet.

“Why in the world are you built so far back on this crazy site and why in the world don’t you have signage?” “Oh, that’s easy. Our owners are from out of town and they already had this piece of land. The other hotels are owned by one man and he made it impossible for anyone else to put up any signs. You have to really want to get here!”

Virginia was a model employee with a tremendous sense of hospitality, but her employers had put her in a tough spot. Virginia understood making lemonade from lemons.

Max DePree says servant leadership is providing all the resources necessary for the employees to be all they can be, accomplishing all they can. Where do we hinder others from achieving? Where do we tie weights around their ankles, expecting them to run a winning race?

And then, what circumstances hamper our progress? Do we recognize the power we have to become a Virginia, or do we collapse into complaining and mediocrity?

How can we create an environment for others that challenge them to succeed? And how can we respond to our challenges with humor, and professionalism?

The same spirit of love, hope, and goodwill the newspaper correspondent described still exists in this modern day Virginia. Thank you for being a lighthouse on a dark night.

Great Teachers Are

Weekly Thought – March 24, 2026

Fred distilled. He took information and absolutely squeezed it dry until he had the essence and the principles. Then, he used them as platforms for magnificent high dives! He read an article by a French music teacher, Nadia Boulanger, on the art of instruction. He commented on the article in a memo to three nationally known teachers who were close friends. Then, he developed his own “attributes of great teachers” list.

Legacy is living and breathing. Fred’s “word of wisdom gift” (as a ministry leader referred to it this week) is being passed on through the lives he touched. Thank you for participating in prayer, words of encouragement, and financial gifts as we build the Breakfast With Fred Leadership Institute.

Great Teachers Are…

Allen Shawn interviewed the French music teacher, Nadia Boulanger, for the Atlantic Monthly. His summation makes me think about great teachers: “She was devoted above all to God, and to the idea of music not as the monument of an individual but as mankind’s monument to God.” I like that. So where can we take that? My kids showed me a book, “Love is a Warm Puppy.” Too “ooky-gooky” for me, but it got me to thinking, Great Teachers…

1. Show the student that learning is part of the larger life… the specific course of study is not the whole, but a valuable piece.

2. Shed light on the dark areas of ignorance, showing them the beauty of construction.

3. Express truth that great talent always appears to the owner to be outside himself.

4. Realize we are limited by our emotional capabilities and we should be experience situations which test and expand our emotional wheelbase. Protecting against hurt insulates us from participating in life.

5. Understands candor in coaching should never cause embarrassment.

6. Communicates in vivid images which are unforgettable.

7. Walks comfortably with the transcendental nature of life – sees the longer view.

8. Balances affection and detachment. “I believe in you” is not “I see me in you.”

9. Appreciates the rhythm of learning and the discipline of structured instruction.

10. Recognizes learning consists of layers and layers of understanding and engagement which are constantly being peeled away like an onion.

11. Relishes the transition from memorization of a subject to being overwhelmed by its beauty.

12. Seeks a student who personifies what he or she believes and teaches.

This week carefully consider: 1) Which teacher has influenced me most greatly? 2) Who am I currently teaching? 3) Which of Fred’s points rang a bell with me?

Words of Wisdom: “It is wonderful when a teacher finds a student who personifies what he/she believes and teaches.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then a voice came from the cloud saying, ‘This is my Son, my Chosen one. Listen to Him!’” (Luke 9:35 NET Bible)

Follow the Leader

Weekly Thought – March 17, 2026

Fred’s influence on college students enriched his life. Years after being on the Baylor campus he received a letter from a woman student, “Mr. Smith, it was from you I learned to encourage people, to compliment them, to build them up, and brighten their day when at all possible. You taught me to pass it on. Your words of encouragement to me as a student made a difference in my thought patterns and in my life. Your approach to life was positive and I received a lot.”

Fred wrote much on character. This week’s piece is taken from a letter he wrote to his mentor, Maxey Jarman, expressing his thoughts and appreciation.

Follow the Leader

One’s character is largely determined by those whom they follow. Heroes are profitable. “Lives of great men all remind us we can make our life sublime and departing leave behind us, footprints in the sands of time.” Tearing down heroes isn’t helpful; it is dangerous. I am most interested in a man’s heroes. It tells me much about what he wants to become.

It is the rate of build up, not the tear down, which determines a man’s progress.

Your example of duty fulfillment is now a part of my life. I admire it in you. I copied it, not as perfectly as you demonstrated it, but enough so it a genuine part of my own character. My miniature copy is real. As A.W. Tozer said, “My flame may be small, but it is real.”

Your love for work is also something I caught from you. You were the first to get me to experience the excitement of accomplishment. Other had tried, but you succeeded. Why they failed, I don’t know. Somehow I could accept and be challenged by your example. It certainly isn’t because you talked me into it. You rarely talked about it; you just did it.

My responsibility is to set an example for those looking to me. I don’t know who is watching. We never do, do we? It is really frightening.

One night I was walking across the Baylor campus when a young man caught up and said, “Mr. Smith, today I decided to be another Fred Smith.” I didn’t feel complimented – I felt the weight of the responsibility. At that moment I wished I were all I’ve ever had the potential for being. He rushed on and I never knew who he was or what he has become.

It is not egotistical to want to live a life worth following. Our friend Paul said, “Follow me as I follow my leader.” Knowing that we are examples becomes a driving force, doesn’t it?

This week consider: 1) Who am I following? 2) What character traits are most important to me? 3) Where are the holes in my character?

Words of Wisdom: “It is not egotistical to want to live a life worth following.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Jesus said to them, “Follow me, and I will turn you into fishers of people.” (Mark 1: 17 NET Bible)

Balanced Spirituality

Brenda’s Blog – March 10, 2026

“The boy didn’t make it snow – God did!” My three year old grandson Will had it right. The story told of a little boy who badly wanted snow. His Grandfather told him to try all sorts of silly things to bring down the white, fluffy stuff. Nothing worked. Finally, he did a snow dance and sure enough, the rain turned into flakes and covered the ground. “I did it! I made it snow!”

Without even a word, my grandson looked me in the eye and reminded me of the true truth.

His candor reminded me of a cold, snowy Christmastime in Dallas when I parked the car in a crowded mall lot, went in with my grandson Andrew to enjoy time together. When we left it was dark, and I couldn’t remember where I parked. We walked and walked and walked. Finally, Andrew spotted the car! “Thank you, Jesus” was my response. “How come you thanked Jesus? I found the car!”

There is a balance, isn’t there? Taking credit for weather conditions is foolish. Failing to acknowledge the diligence of a 9 year old is negligent.

I truly believe God is evident in all things. I believe He allowed Andrew the joy of finding the car. And, I also believe He gave Will the insight to understand who is the true maker of weather.

Showing Andrew the power of prayer and the joy of being the beneficiary of God’s providential grace was the “teachable moment” that cold December night. Celebrating with Will in his belief in our sovereign God allowed us a time to share the goodness and awesomeness of this same God.

As the Mom of three young ones I didn’t have the patience or strength to look for these spiritual vignettes. Aging brings the blessing of perspective. I thank the Lord for these “wee bites” which strengthen my heart and stretch them.

Mentor Search

Weekly Thought – March 10, 2026

Fred’s book, You and Your Network, influenced generations of leaders. Editors often chided Fred for his “packed to the gills” writing style, urging him to dilute the material. He was told his books could easily be stretched into two. He preferred stretching people, and not content. This was appreciated by his readers.

A comment from California reflects this: “The main thing that really keeps our attention with You and Your Network is that it cuts out all of the fat, boilerplate, and extra information most authors are so compelled to put into their books just for the weight of it.”

Mentor Search

Over the years I identified seven qualities I look for in a mentor:
1) Do they have wisdom from experience? Scripture says young men are for strength and old men are for wisdom. A mentor must understand the principles of life which I believe, comes from scripture.
2) Do they feel noncompetitive toward younger people? You need a mentor who can relax and say, “This person is a race horse and I am now just the trainer. He’s going to go to the winner’s circle and get the money. I will be happy just making a contribution to that.” Mentoring brings vicarious accomplishment.
3) Can they spot talent? In my first meeting with someone I look for that “unscratchable itch.” Good mentors can assess your current skills and take a good guess at your potential. A good mentor wants to contribute to accomplishment.
4) Is there chemistry between us? One way I check chemistry is to stop and say, “Please repeat to me what I just said.” Sometimes you heard the darndest things. If a person isn’t listening well, there probably won’t be a profitable chemistry.
5) Will they take the responsibility seriously? Does it have meaning to them? Does the relationship count? Can they feel hope? Are they willing to invest the time?
6) Are they willing and able to confront? Confrontation is surgical. If you’re afraid of blood, you should not be in the operating room. And if you primarily want people to like you, you’re not good at confrontation. But a good mentor pauses before confrontation to ask, “Am I saying this in love willing the ultimate good for the other?”
7) Do they ask good questions? My mentor, Maxey Jarman, told me, “Management is supposed to have the answers, but the board is supposed to have the questions.” Likewise, a good mentor should be able to ask good questions. The job of a mentor is to open a window – the right window. And then, point to the best path.

Think about these things: 1) Who is mentoring me? 2) Who am I mentoring? 3) What message do I have to communicate?

Words of Wisdom: “Mentoring brings vicarious accomplishment.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12:12 NET Bible)

Commanding Communication

Weekly Thought – March 3, 2026

Fred studied communication throughout his life. He sat down in the 1980s and wrote our ten material elements of good speaking. Often, speakers and speakers-to-be visited with Fred for clarity on the process.

Thanks for including BWF in your prayer life. We seek to continue Fred’s work of stretching others while blessing them to the glory of God.

Commanding Communication

These didn’t come from Sinai, but from years of trial and error. Somebody asked me to outline the speaking process and this is my shot at it:
1) Be believable – The first step to being believable is to believe in your message. Then, your style, dress, speech patterns, vocabulary must be in agreement. Speaking with authority without talking down to the audience allows them to relax and believe in you.
2) Be audience oriented- have the attitude of the servant, never the master. There should always be gratitude for the opportunity to be there. And, importantly, speak to the audience about a subject, never about a subject to the audience.
3) Be personal – There should be a one-on-one relationship between the speaker and the audience. Good communication occurs when the speaker is not removed, or even worse, accusatory.
4) Be prepared – Speak out of the overflow of preparation. Have enough material that appropriate shifts can be made when needed. Be a well-spring of freshness, not a dry hole. Keep on reading, learning, studying before speaking.
5) Be enjoyable – Always give illustrations that allow the audience to take away the key points. Audiences respond to stories – but keep them to the point. Rabbit trails confuse the audience. Giving hope is your job as a communicator. Share good news.
6) Be human – You are not the Messiah, you are not inerrant, you have a message from one human to other humans. Use humor appropriately to move the message. Never use blue humor – it demeans the speaker and the audience.
7) Be empowered – Speak with a pure motive and a clean heart. You are the pipe, not the pump. Let the message flow through you.
8) Communicate to change behavior – Move the audience to take action, but never “work them.” Inscribe on your brain: my job is to motivate, not manipulate.
9) Pray before you speak – I prefer praying before to having the audience praying as I speak, “Help him, Lord; Help him!”
10) Leave them wanting more from you and about the subject. And never violate the time you’ve been given. If the program shortens your time, shorten your speech.

Bottom line: Speak to express, not impress. Communicate to bless.

This week think about: 1) How can I apply these points to my speaking? 2) Which one is most helpful right now? 3) What message do I have to communicate?

Words of Wisdom: “Speak to express, not impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “For you were made rich in every way in him, in all your speech and in every kind of knowledge.” (1 Corinthians 1:5 NET Bible)

Uniquely You

Brenda’s Blog – February 24, 2026

World famous glass bathrooms” read the billboard luring travelers to stop in Sulphur Springs, TX. Personally, it raised more questions than interest. But it made me think about distinctives.

Companies work hard to distinguish themselves. Some do it by product design, others by advertising campaigns, and still others by pricing strategies. Businesses want positive name recognition.

A friend once worked for a CEO whose genius was creating bizarre morale builders. His head first dive into a pool of Jello fired up the sales force. Another thrilled the employees each day bounding into the international headquarters two steps at a time dressed in running shorts. Definitely distinctive – they chose to be recognized for their independent quirkiness.

While working as a recruiter for a large insurance company we used a personality test consisting simply of fifty descriptive words on two sides of one page. The only difference: one side said, “Check the words you would use to describe yourself.” The other side said, “Check the words others would use to describe you.” Surprising how many saw themselves one way and expected others to view them differently.

Peter Greer, speaker at a Catalyst meeting, talked about ways to enter into conversation without leading with “what do you do?” In his list of alternative opening questions, he included, “What one word would others use to describe you?”

What one word would you use to describe yourself? What is your distinctive? What differentiates you from the other hundreds of millions sharing this planet?

I want my word to reflect my purpose and mission. I want my word to identify my heart’s desires. I want my word to express my longing for a life that counts. My word? Connect. What’s yours?

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