Numbers Count

Brenda’s Blog – May 18, 2021

It is my custom whenever I speak to a women’s group to conclude with “the blessing” – the verses from Numbers 6: “May the Lord bless you and keep you; may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord lift up His countenance upon you – and give you peace!”

After one retreat a woman came up and asked about the blessing. “Where did you get that?” “It is from Numbers 6”, I answered. “Which numbers are they?” I was stumped until realizing the book of Numbers in the Bible was unknown to her. Sharing the reference became a double blessing.

At the birth of my first grandchild I touched his head and recited these verses. It became my privilege, as each grandchild came. Watching each one learn the words, especially “peace” gave great joy. The P sound lends itself to exaggeration. Without prompting each one emphasizes it with gusto.

Hearing a grandchild join in brings tears. My prayer is for the words to imprint their hearts and minds, passing on to the next generation.

Numbers create memories, don’t they? Do you remember house address numbers? How about your childhood phone number? Numbers create opportunities for mental exercise. Some over achievers memorize drivers’ licenses, bank accounts, and credit cards. During a time of high stress I developed a personal stress test: when overwhelmed I tried to remember my Mom’s phone number. There have been times when stress has gone off the chart and I struggled to even recall my own area code. Numbers told me it was time to slow down and regroup.

An interesting Biblical project is taking your birthday and following it from Genesis to Revelation. You won’t find it in every book, but in enough to stimulate thought. These personal references open a window into truth and provide an individual approach.

Reality of Insecurity

Weekly Thought – May 18, 2021

Fred’s interest in human nature led him to friendships with highly qualified psychiatrists and psychologists. When referencing them he always added parenthetically (personal, not professional relationships!) The human mind and emotions intrigued him greatly. Until his death he continued studying human behavior, including his own.

As BWF delves into the further preservation and archiving of Fred’s writings we are updating our platform, allowing for more expansion. Please pray for us, and consider financial support for this endeavor. Share Fred’s thinking with others this week, as well. Thank you.

Reality of Insecurity

All of us have our insecurities… not just a passing anxiety, but the continuing lack of adequacy. Even when we sleep, they haunt our dreams.

Actually, as we become more secure, we are better able to recognize and accept our remaining insecurities.

Insecurity is our urge to grow and gain control of our situation and emotions. When we reject that urge, it can leave us desperate and withdrawn.

Oftentimes we can borrow security from a friend. One of the most interesting observations Howard Rome, the eminent psychiatrist, made was in talking about wives who recurrently confront their husbands. He saw that when in attack mode, if the husband stood firm peace and a pleasant atmosphere resulted. He thought this was insecurity in the wife coming against the husband in an attempt to gain reassurance. He saw it as pushing against a wall to see if it would hold. In his practice he saw this as behavior which reoccurred until there existed an understanding of “I will be here and I won’t fold.”

While we can borrow a small amount of security from others, we cannot depend on it for our total security. One of the most pathetic marriages I know is one in which a very insecure woman married a most secure man. She felt that his strength and stability would be hers, but it didn’t happen. Year by year each new situation triggered her insecurities while demonstrating his securities. She grew more and more resentful of his ability to weather storms. Eventually, their relationship deteriorated into “you don’t love me” conversations. He could never explain to her that he did truly love her, but lacked the skill to fill the holes in her, making her feel whole.

The security that stays must be grown from within. This is the pain of growth. It takes determination. Fortunately, insecurity is not a disease of the will, so the will becomes the path to the cure. I might add that almost equal to will is a healthy sense of humor. I have personally experienced the social gap that occurs when you are raised in lowly circumstances and then given the opportunity to associate with people of higher social class and culture. I found an inner sense of humor to be extremely useful in relieving the pressures of embarrassment. The confidence will come, and it helps to laugh about the gaffes along the way.

Insecurities are part of the human condition. We mature, fill in holes, and grow. It is a process that takes time, hard work – and a good laugh.

This week think carefully about: 1) How well am I doing with moving to a healthier mental outlook? 2) What are the sources of my heaviest insecurities? 3) Who is a good model for stability and strength?

Words of Wisdom: “Insecurity is our urge to grow and gain control of our situation and emotions.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When I am afraid, I trust in you.” (Psalm 56:3 NET Bible)

In Our Work, Satisfaction

Weekly Thought – May 11, 2021

Fred valued brevity. He is well-known for pithy one-liners with great punch. The campus ministry (BWFLI) knows them as Fred Saids. It is not surprising he respected William Barclay’s five phrase prayer: “Lord, grant us: In our work, satisfaction, In our study, wisdom, In our pleasure, gladness, and In our love, loyalty.”

The focus of BWF Project, Inc. will pivot toward “preserving the work” during the next twelve months. Over 10,000 3×5 index cards with observations are now available. They will be archived for your benefit.

In Our Work, Satisfaction

William Barclay constructed a powerful prayer with minimum words and maximum impact. I want to think with you about the phrase “in our work, satisfaction.”

We all have to work; but unfortunately, we don’t all experience genuine satisfaction. Peter Drucker opened a lecture, “Gentlemen, let the task be the reward.” In these few words he pointed out pay is never the full reward for our work. It is a necessary secondary reward, but not the primary.

I played golf with a CEO after an 80 million dollar business loss. “I wasn’t in it just for the money. What I have done will live on in the industry.”
Mothers understand the emotional cost of raising children. They are not in it for the money. Mary Alice and I were in Blowing Rock, NC sitting across from the ice cream store and people watching. One young boy fussed and fumed as his Mother told him they were going home. “I don’t like you anymore,” he shouted. She quietly responded, “I will always like you, and we are still going home.” She understood the satisfaction of good parenting.

We who spent a great part of our lives building GENESCO lost a great deal of our personal money that we invested in the stock. When we get together, loss is not the major topic. We talk about “we did it” – going from 75 employees to 83,000. We took the volume to nearly $1.5 million in the 1960s. We were a bunch of Southern boys invading New York City and the world of apparel. When we got into the shoe business some of us had to learn to “wear ‘em, as well as make ‘em.” Often we would go to the plant, work all day, and then call each other at night excited about building a great corporation. That was satisfaction.

Professor Young at the 150th celebration of Guilford College stood, watching the procession of classes move through the auditorium… he was looking at forty years of students whose lives he had influenced. He knew satisfaction. Our host was Seth Macon, chairman of Guilford’s Board and recently retired SVP of Jefferson Pilot Companies. When I asked about his satisfaction in work he immediately said, “The present leaders are those I selected and trained.” He, like great dancers who leave their legacy on the stage, or artists who leave something great on canvases or composition paper have much in common with teachers and parents whose legacies are built into people.

Four elements of satisfactory work:

1) Sustainable income – though not primary, a life-supporting income is important.
2) Serves the common good – when our work has value for others we do what the Puritans called “fulfilling our calling.”
3) Sense of significance – what we do must have meaning and we are making a difference.
4) Stretches our development of personal uniqueness – our work should be founded on our talents, gifts, and design. If we do not make our contribution through our God-given uniqueness, we are wasting our life.

This week think carefully about: 1) How satisfied am I in my work? 2) What elements of my work need fine tuning to maximize satisfaction? 3) Who could benefit from these thoughts?

Words of Wisdom: “Often we would go to the plant, work all day, and then call each other at night excited about building a great corporation.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Whatever you are doing, work at it with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not for people.” (Colossians 3:23 NET Bible)

Crossroads

Brenda’s Blog – May 4, 2021

“The things you don’t do are as important as the things you do.” – Katharine Graham

Recently I sat with friends whose interests gravitate toward “what ifs.” Reflection grows in its power to take up mental space. Where once anticipation and expectation led, looking back now rules. Musing on choices is good fodder for conversation.

Options require decisions. We say yes to one and thereby saying no to another. How we ascertain the direction is an exercise in personality, temperament, maturity, and faith. Some forks have a “no question about it” nature because the alternative is unsuitable. Others create emotional upheaval because either is appropriate.

I grew up in a faith community who strongly believed in the perfect will of God, everything else’s being permitted, but not first class. As an earnest little girl I searched diligently for that almost imperceptible, microscopic region designated the perfect will. Decision making became agonizing. The sadness of the childhood construct was the secondary belief that doing the will of God automatically meant doing something you didn’t want to do. Enjoyment was mutually exclusive with “doing the will of God.”

Then years later at a crucial crossroads I was given a book “Decision Making and the Will of God.” BOOM! The author introduced freedom. God was not a gamesman, creating mazes and delighting in frustrating me. He actually designed me with gifts, talents, and skills which helped me interpret the journey. If I had the desire to make a choice and it met the criteria of being Biblically aligned, and encouraged by Godly counsel, I could go in joy.

Have all my decisions been healthy and mature? Certainly not. Have all my decisions been growth opportunities? Yes. And, as Katharine Graham wisely observed, the doors I closed (or better yet- didn’t open) are often as large a part of my story as the ones I boldly and eagerly opened. As I age I have more data for my decision tree experience, and hopefully I say “no” to more and “yes” to fewer and the better.

Heroic, Not Perfect

Weekly Thought – May 4, 2021

Fred regarded heroes as one of the key elements in a healthy network. He emphasized the importance of being certain to choose heroic qualities. He also thought realistically about the nature of man, including heroes. He avoided putting individuals on pillars. He particularly studied those he admired, looking for “clay and iron,” as he put it.

Please pray for Christian higher education. They strive for excellence and hold the course against social, legal, and economic pressures.

Heroic, Not Perfect

Heroes are who we can become if we diligently pursue our ideals in the furnace of our opportunities.

We are unrealistic to expect perfection from our heroes. If we do, we may see the inevitable discovery of their weaknesses which causes great disappointment. Does it really matter that our heroes are less than perfect? Should their true greatness be diminished?

When we ask for perfection in heroes, we become vulnerable to those determined to expose the weaknesses, destroying their value. Heroes personify the human ability and capability of reaching nobility, not perfection.

Humankind is incapable of achieving perfection, so we must not be disillusioned, giving up our heroes simply due to imperfection. To look for perfection is to build on a false philosophical and theological base.

The Bible recognizes the imperfection. Ironically, one of the supports for the inspiration of scripture is in the inclusion of the flaws of those God chose to use. If this were just human-generated these stories would have been sanitized. The Bible uses these lives to demonstrate God’s faithfulness and the power of transformation.

On the other hand, the media and social exposure has done a great disservice by replacing the lasting inspiration of the true hero for the momentary excitement of the celebrity. Our son started me thinking about this when he observed, “The heroes of the early church were martyrs and ours are celebrities.” Too many today confuse the two creating spiritual crossovers who live flashy lives, emulating celebrity status. Herein may lie a great deal of the modern church’s weakness.

We know persecution has historically been the greatest purifying agent of the church. This isn’t a popular view of the western church. Too much talk about giving all for Jesus belies the behavior of seeking social popularity and acceptance. Celebrities rise on the wave of applause and break the rocks of inattention. They are fantasy waiting to be exposed.

This week think about: 1) How do I integrate my heroes into my daily living? 2) What criteria do I use for assigning “hero” to a person? 3) Why do I search for heroic qualities in others?

Words of Wisdom: “To look for perfection (in our heroes) is to build on a false philosophical and theological base.”

Wisdom from the Word “But he said to me, ‘My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NET Bible)

Handling Problems Correctly

Weekly Thought – April 27, 2021

Fred helped many clarify their thinking with his distinction between a problem and a fact of life. “A problem is something you can do something about; a fact of life is a given. It is foolish to spend any time attempting to change a fact of life… focus on solutions to problems.”

Handling Problems Correctly

A former pro athlete, now incarcerated on drug charges, said that his drugs were really a result of lifestyle. He said getting caught up in what the world said was the good life created bad problems. He chose to escape the difficulties by numbing himself with substance abuse. I agree with his assessment, but I don’t think he goes quite far enough.

It is critical to correctly identify the nature of the problem. Current culture says being a winner should be the normal state: we should always feel good, look good, and feel high. Living a life like a TV commercial is desirable today. The “before” and “after” model influences us. If we find ourselves in the before phase, we strive with lightning speed to move to the after. But we all know real life doesn’t work like that – instant results don’t happen. That is why so many reach out to consciousness altering substances for that sudden change. When change doesn’t happen on demand, the choice of artificial, synthetic means look desirable.

This misunderstanding of reality exists in the spiritual life, as well. Too often people don’t want the work of patiently going through spiritual transformation, so start looking for spiritual highs and fixes. The emotion takes over, replacing the steady study of the word, and the often plodding process of sanctification.

Wounds and hurts at the core of problems exist within a broad periphery. This is the area open to instant distraction and pain relief. Without authentic resolution the core of hurt continues to grow, eventually blocking out the effectiveness of any numbing choices. When that happens the problem overcomes the person leaving a sense of hopelessness. Many suicides occur when this emptiness overtakes. Another option is to give in to the darkness, deciding we are worthless and may as well live that way, jettisoning all self-respect.

What is the answer? The rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit. There is nothing that satisfies like the washing and changing through the Spirit. The power of this is the living out of the transformation. We can have the head knowledge of transformation but our experiences must live it out.
The good life so many try to find to overcome their lifestyle choices and accompanying problems can only be found through spiritual rejuvenation and regeneration. That is the only way to the truly good life. Everything else may sizzle briefly, but will eventually fizzle.

This week think carefully about: 1) How can I make sure I handle problems correctly? 2) What safeguards do I have in place to stay consistent and authentic? 3) When am I most tempted to reach for a temporary lift?

Words of Wisdom: “When change doesn’t happen on demand, the choice of artificial, synthetic means look desirable.”

Wisdom from the Word: “We also rejoice in sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance character, and character hope.” (Romans 5: 3, 4 NET Bible)

Think and Do

Weekly Thought – April 20, 2021

Fred referred to an intellectual friend as “a man with a superior mental organ.” That was certainly descriptive of him. He grew up in the mill district of Nashville, was disabled at age five, was unable to attend college because of financial limitations, and enjoyed few or none social networks. But God gifted him to think – and he used that gift unceasingly.

Think and Do

“I just can’t believe that I did that; What in the world was I thinking; It just came over me.” How many times do you hear these excuses for inappropriate actions? I am convinced action is the last step, not the first. Here is the formula I worked out for myself: first, the thought, then the mood, then the rationalized action.

First the thought comes in our mind and if we keep it long enough and know it with validity, it creates a mood. The mood then rationalizes the action. Scripture talks of this when James talks of the progress from temptation to enticement to sin and death. Death was not the goal at the outset, but it was the logical end.

How do we control this formula? We start by keeping the wrong thoughts out of the heart. Remember the old adage: “You can’t keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair.” Therefore, our first responsibility is to dislodge the thought before it creates a mood and ultimately births an action. I am not suggesting a mind free from thoughts – far from it. We reprogram our mind by replacing the worthless with worthy. The Apostle Paul spoke often about his system of thought control which resulted in appropriate behavior.

It is my firm belief you can trace back an action that surprised you to the mood in which it was taken. Mood is a mindset we create to facilitate the action. The thought is buried into the soil but doesn’t grow until the root is fully formed. Have you ever lashed out at somebody and wondered what got into you? Think of the emotional mood and mental mindset – the action becomes logical. Have you made a decision that was atypical of your thought pattern? Recreate the mood environment before the decision you will understand what came together to cause that decision. Every action is wrapped in a mood.

The rationalization of action is almost an unspoken process. The thought has come to life. The path to action is in the mind. Once the act is performed we can express shock, but we must take responsibility for we were the one who initiated the process.

Psychologists tell us that to create a new habit or break an old habit takes 21-30 days of consecutive positive activity. The key is consecutive. Undoing the “stinkin’ thinkin’” my good friend Zig Ziglar talks about is the implantation of concentrated, consistent, consecutive discipline.

This week think about: 1) Have I ever said “that just wasn’t me” as a rationale for a bad action? 2) How can Fred’s thinking help me this week? 3) What habit am I working to make or break?

Words of Wisdom: “It is my firm belief you can trace back an action that surprised you to the mood in which it was taken.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The law of their God controls their thinking; their feet do not slip.” (Psalm 37:31 NET Bible)

Safe Boating

Brenda’s Blog – April 20, 2021

“Stay away from the crunchy stuff.”

My daughter Heather and her husband Bob now own a lovely tritoon. After a year of learning about “Ohana” they hired a professional captain to check them out and stretch their expertise.

The two hour cruise on Lake Grapevine impressed two points on me as I luxuriated in the sun while he “schooled” them.

1) Stay away from the crunchy stuff. He pointed out trees, rocks, and underwater obstacles which could create hazardous events. He advised them to learn where the unseen dangers were which were only visible when the lake was low. Over and over he reminded them – “Stay away from the crunchy stuff.” I started thinking about my own life. There can be lots of crunchy stuff which can threaten a fruitful and mature life. If I don’t navigate well, I can run up on rocks damaging my reputation, the accomplishment of goals, and my future direction. Unseen temptations can threaten my smooth sailing. They may be only uncovered after my life’s low ebb shows them. A moral depth finder is vital for a healthy life.

2) Know the rules and etiquette, but always assume the other boaters don’t. Raising children allowed me to hear countless times, “that’s not fair.” We all know from experience and from reading Scott Peck’s classic that “Life is not fair.” On the water, just as on the highway there are clear rules for right of way, no wake observance, and distances. In my life, there are also ways to manage for positive outcomes. But for me to believe everyone else understands is naïve. Maturity means living with eyes wide open and equipping myself to flex. Rigidity results in breakage.

Captain Chris revels in the business of good boating. He teaches from the overflow because it is his passion. What is so strong in our mind and heart that we cannot help talking about it?

Hugs are Important

Weekly Thought – April 13, 2021

Fred recognized the need to hug (and be hugged) later in life. He studied the research on the value of touch. He had large hands and enjoyed having his children, and grandchildren hold onto his fingers.

Hugs are Important

One of my favorite subjects is therapeutic touch. I’ve been working on it for several years. My interest began when I listened to the President of Sloan-Kettering address the American Management Association. “My father was a country doctor. He carried a little black valise. We know today there was not one thing in there that would heal anybody, but people got well because my Daddy put his hand on them and said, “You’re gonna get well.” There is an entire nursing association in New York City practicing therapeutic touch.

I did an interview for the University of Nebraska by telephone. It’s an interesting new technique. (Editor’s note: written long before internet). The professor calls a writer or a speaker, puts him/her on a conference call for an hour to answer questions from the class. In preparation they sent me the school magazine. There was a poem by Donna Swanson, on the subject of aging and touch.

It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because nobody thinks ( or wants) to touch them. When my Mother was 90 (she lived to be 93) she began showing her wrinkles. She was very stooped. I realized I had stopped touching her when I greeted her. Recognizing this, I began hugging her again and it made a great difference for her. Donna Swanson’s poem touched me because it struck me how grateful I was to relearn the lesson of touching my Mom.

Here are just a few lines of the poem entitled Minnie Remembers

“God, my hands are old; I’ve never said that out loud before, but they are. When did these slender, graceful hands become gnarled, shrunken claws?
When, God? How long has it been since someone touched me? Twenty years? Twenty years since I’ve been a widow. Respected, smiled at, but never touched. Never held so close that loneliness was blotted out…..God, why didn’t we raise the kids to be silly and affectionate as well as dignified and proper? They do their duty. They come to my room to pay their respects, but they don’t touch me.”

I was at Barkley Lodge in Kentucky at a laymen’s meeting. A small, unpretentious woman stood at the back, waiting for me to get through talking to other people. In speaking you always watch that. If somebody stands around they’ve something special to say. She walked up to me standing not even five feet tall, and looked up at me. “Would you hug me?” “You know I will.” I reached out and gave her a great big hug. As she walked off I said to myself, “How long has that hug got to last?” I knew the answer – a long time.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who in my family or friend circles needs a hug? 2) How can I train my children the importance of physical touch? 3) In light of COVID how can I express physical attachment while remaining wise?

Words of Wisdom: “It is said old people miss the tactile relationships with others because many do not think (or want) to touch them.”

Wisdom from the Word: “When worries threaten to overwhelm me, your soothing touch makes me happy.” (Psalm 94:19 NET Bible)

Daylight Saving

Brenda’s Blog – April 6, 2021

“What happens at 11:00 am on March 14th? All those who didn’t set their clocks ahead arrive for church!”

My Grandfather was an old time traditionalist. He refused to change his watch and the household clocks. For six months the entire family had to keep him on schedule so as the pastor he didn’t arrive for the benediction! “I am staying on God’s time,” he would say. Even as a child the concept that one system was more holy than another puzzled me. Since they traveled very little outside their geographical area he had no reason to justify time zones. How confused he certainly would have been. I assume Tennessee would represent God’s clock, leaving the East and West coasts to fend for themselves, wandering outside “God’s time.”

Scripture tells us we can neither add height, nor time. Elevator lift shoes and the congressional decision to enact daylight saving time are our cultural responses.

All day long people moaned and groaned about the loss of an hour. Do we ever think about how many lost hours we pile up through waste, poor choices, or neglect? I would not dare to do an assessment of my true time management. If we valued each day with such fervency as we do the Spring forward give back, we might find hidden productivity.

As I age (today is my birthday) the realization of stewardship comes sharper into focus. The big three: talent, time, and treasure are the standard measure, but each phase of life emphasizes one more than others. Right now the use of my hours (daylight extended or not) becomes a serious issue. Diminished physical strength and waning hours shine a light on the need to invest my time, not just spend it.

In Latin class we learned Tempus Fugit. Fly, it does. Whether it is man’s construct, or God’s divine plan, time is precious and demands respect.

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