Weekly Thought – May 18, 2021
Fred’s interest in human nature led him to friendships with highly qualified psychiatrists and psychologists. When referencing them he always added parenthetically (personal, not professional relationships!) The human mind and emotions intrigued him greatly. Until his death he continued studying human behavior, including his own.
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Reality of Insecurity
All of us have our insecurities… not just a passing anxiety, but the continuing lack of adequacy. Even when we sleep, they haunt our dreams.
Actually, as we become more secure, we are better able to recognize and accept our remaining insecurities.
Insecurity is our urge to grow and gain control of our situation and emotions. When we reject that urge, it can leave us desperate and withdrawn.
Oftentimes we can borrow security from a friend. One of the most interesting observations Howard Rome, the eminent psychiatrist, made was in talking about wives who recurrently confront their husbands. He saw that when in attack mode, if the husband stood firm peace and a pleasant atmosphere resulted. He thought this was insecurity in the wife coming against the husband in an attempt to gain reassurance. He saw it as pushing against a wall to see if it would hold. In his practice he saw this as behavior which reoccurred until there existed an understanding of “I will be here and I won’t fold.”
While we can borrow a small amount of security from others, we cannot depend on it for our total security. One of the most pathetic marriages I know is one in which a very insecure woman married a most secure man. She felt that his strength and stability would be hers, but it didn’t happen. Year by year each new situation triggered her insecurities while demonstrating his securities. She grew more and more resentful of his ability to weather storms. Eventually, their relationship deteriorated into “you don’t love me” conversations. He could never explain to her that he did truly love her, but lacked the skill to fill the holes in her, making her feel whole.
The security that stays must be grown from within. This is the pain of growth. It takes determination. Fortunately, insecurity is not a disease of the will, so the will becomes the path to the cure. I might add that almost equal to will is a healthy sense of humor. I have personally experienced the social gap that occurs when you are raised in lowly circumstances and then given the opportunity to associate with people of higher social class and culture. I found an inner sense of humor to be extremely useful in relieving the pressures of embarrassment. The confidence will come, and it helps to laugh about the gaffes along the way.
Insecurities are part of the human condition. We mature, fill in holes, and grow. It is a process that takes time, hard work – and a good laugh.
This week think carefully about: 1) How well am I doing with moving to a healthier mental outlook? 2) What are the sources of my heaviest insecurities? 3) Who is a good model for stability and strength?
Words of Wisdom: “Insecurity is our urge to grow and gain control of our situation and emotions.”
Wisdom from the Word: “When I am afraid, I trust in you.” (Psalm 56:3 NET Bible)