Weekly Thought – August 31, 2021

Fred loved stimulating conversation. He developed the skill of cultivating interesting people. He, also, knew how to nurture these abilities in others. Ever a teacher, he thought analytically forming ideas in such a way they could be easy communicated and used.

Creating Favorable Attention

Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships. Discourteous interruption, yawns, inappropriate dressing, or excessive exaggeration create attention – the wrong kind.

Bill Russell, the great basketball player and coach, said the first thing a player in his first All-Pro game thinks about is avoiding making a humiliating mistake. He said it is important to get into the game, and get comfortable before going for the big play. This principle works in social and business situations.

Unfortunately, our media-hyped culture has developed the concept that all attention is good – “just spell my name right!” Very few of us can afford press agents, so it is up to us to make sure our coverage is favorable. Careers can hinge on a minor faux pas and major gaffes.

Think about conversations… sometimes we are so eager to get into the conversation we come in clumsily on our left foot. Knowing this about ourselves, we should program ourselves for quietness, depending on attentive listening until we become comfortable and sense the rhythm of the conversation. A talented middle management person I know will probably never move to the top simply because the first two minutes of almost conversation is ruined. The social insecurity negates the professional expertise. Upon introduction, sarcasm and sassy remarks becomes the tools of choice… bad choice. Quiet followed by constructive remarks would change the entire perception. Simply rehearsing ways of entering conversations could make a tremendous difference in career advancement.

Competitive – or worse, combative – remarks in the beginning of a conversation (particularly with strangers or mere acquaintances) reminds me of the movie cowboy who pushes open the saloon doors shouting, “I can whip any man here!”

Self-deprecation is not the answer. The person whose insecurity drives them to dispel nervousness through self-effacement. This always creates a negative impression. Accepting compliments is an important skill to develop. A gracious woman accepted a compliment on her attire demonstrating her skill. “Thank you so much. I’ll remember your compliment every time I wear this dress.” She accepted praise by making it about the other person. In accepting she received favorable attention.

Poise demonstrates control. Gaining favorable attention means managing any habits that result in unfavorable attention. Spending time assessing and asking close friends to give feedback can allow personal development which makes a significant difference in the way we are perceived and received. And then practice makes perfect.

This week think carefully about: 1) How aware am I of habits that create negative attention? 2) Who could give me honest, helpful feedback? 3) What process do I have in place (or need) to promote favorable attention?

Words of Wisdom: “Unfavorable attention can be damaging to careers and relationships.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” (Proverbs 13:3 NET Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 24, 2021

Fred appreciated Albert Einstein. One of his favorite Einstein quotes inspired his own thinking: “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.” He avoided conversation filled with fluff and flattery.

Beginning next week we will begin adding content from the thousands of 3×5 cards Fred kept as a personal resource from his own thoughts, as well as quotes from others. We are working to create a permanent archive for these cards and their profound wisdom. Would you pray for us as we dive into this very deep pool? Thank you.

Conversational Simplicity

Mary Alice in a very untypical choice became interested in an old black and white western movie. The main characters were a thirtyish, soft-spoken farmer’s wife; the farmer; and a toddler baby boy. The wife died leaving the man to raise the boy. As she lay dying he shared his dream of building her a house with a porch and rocking chairs under the hackberry tree.

When the wife died the husband with singleness of purpose dedicated himself to raising the son. The commitments he made required very little conversation. They were total, simple, direct, and all-consuming.

Commitment is a large part of the simple life. Paul said, “this one thing I do.” Modern man says, “these many things I will try.” They rarely settle on any one thing as being completely worthy of a focused life.

The simple farmer felt that living out a simple life, fulfilling his responsibilities, and not asking too much was all the reward that life offered him. There is great dignity in this. Advertising in all its forms creates discontent, shouting at us about what we do not have and what we should be getting. Few people in our culture would sit under a hackberry tree after a hard day’s work. True essence is elegant by its nature and doesn’t need additional external trappings.

The farmer spoke to his baby boy, “I’ll raise you good if it takes every breath in my body.” Simple elegance.

This simplicity was part of the man. In this film his conversation was never more than two or three words. That certainly made it easier on the script writer!

The farmer said things simply, not feeling that he had to justify or rationalize or make himself look good by his conversation. Much of urban conversation is impressing, justifying, embellishing, and talking for effect. When men and women come to me for counsel on public speaking I tell them one of the very first rules is: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

The truth simply spoken is a brilliant jewel in an elegant Tiffany mounting… understated yet always appropriate.

This week carefully consider: 1) How well do I monitor my conversational motivations? 2) What do I do when I recognize I am trying to impress, not just express? 3) Who models clear, simple conversation?

Words of Wisdom: “Speak to express, not to impress.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6 NIV Bible)

Weekly Thought – August 3, 2021

Fred’s commitment to “a life worth living” never waned. Even in his last hours he struggled to speak wisdom to those who came to say goodbye. Identifying his “uniqueness” as he called it, and maximizing its use for indeed a lifetime endeavor. He died as he lived – with purpose and faith.

Please pray for our friends in Christian higher education. Challenges are great, but their resolve is even greater. We would encourage you to join those who pray monthly for them as participants in our Breakfast With Fred Prayer Network.

Living A Life That Matters

A life worth living is available, but it must be earned. You must earnestly and honestly want it. Emerson said, “Be careful young man what you want, for you will have it.” He spoke of the thing you want from deep down in your heart – the lodestar, the thing that is the magnet to which you are drawn. Many people I see really don’t want the life they’ve got; they want something else, but they haven’t been willing to endure the pain of defining what they want.

One of the most telling truths of Christ’s ministry was at the pool of Bethsaida when he asked the man who had been there for 38 years: “Do you really want to be healed?” I used to think that was a very foolish question, but the longer I live with people, the more I need to know what they honestly want.

When a young executive comes to one of my friends in senior management and says he is unable to complete an assignment he asks,” Is this something you can’t or won’t do?” Then he goes on to say, “If you can’t do it, I can help you. If you won’t do it, nobody can help you.” So much time is wasted by people trying to help others who don’t want to be helped. I am not in the business of building a 95% bridge.

There are two questions I want to ask of those who want my help in achieving a life worth living:

1) What have you done to help yourself? The other evening I visited with a middle-aged man who looked like a comer when he was young. I’ve been surprised that he has not really made a success of his life. He left a large corporation he joined directly from college. He was a bright and promising young rising star. I began to understand it when we talked about the disciplines necessary to pull ourselves out of emotional slumps. He said, “Sometimes I just like being down there and I don’t want anybody to pull me out until I have completely enjoyed the funk.” I saw he had developed a negative narcissism that a successful executive simply cannot afford.

2) Where have I been willing to ask for help? There are times when we cannot do it alone. We need someone else to help and we must ask for that assistance. Of course, there are times when only Go can provide the help. In either case, we must be humble enough to reach out and say, “Please help.” False pride will extinguish the fire of a meaningful life.

The life you have is the result of your choices. If you want a different life you must make different choices. A life worth living is a life worth wanting.

This week carefully consider: 1) How satisfied am I with my life? 2) What choices have set me in this direction? 3) Who can help me assess my current condition?

Words of Wisdom: “I am not in the business of building a 95% bridge.”

Wisdom from the Word: “But tell the people of Jerusalem that the LORD says, ‘I will give you a choice between two courses of action. One will result in life; the other will result in death.’” (Jeremiah 21:8 NET Bible)