Controlling The Ego

Weekly Thought – November 4, 2025

Fred often remarked when questioned about a troubling situation…”Follow the ego.” He had great discipline and self-control. He understood his giftedness, and his responsibility to steward it without an inflated ego.

Controlling The Ego

I remember an embarrassing situation that occurred one night at a business meeting with a group of high-profile executives. One man, who considered himself as an authority all because he read the newspaper, popped off about the energy situation and its easy solution.
Unbeknownst to him, another man in the room had just returned from chairing an international conference of major oil companies. After the first fellow finished spouting off (only proving his ignorance), the second man quietly but effectively exposed him for the fool he was.
I quickly said to myself, “I hope that never happens to me.” I left that meeting determined to make sure in my speaking I always remember that someone in the audience may know a lot more about the subject than I do. The memory of that business meeting has stayed in my mind and tempered many remarks I’ve been tempted to make.

On the other hand, sometimes speakers are too impressed with who is in the audience. One night I was in a church listening to a preacher when I saw a well-known university president slip into the sanctuary. Clearly, the preacher saw him enter, as well, for he changed his style considerably. I could tell he was preaching for the benefit of just that one individual. He went from preaching to giving an intellectual performance, trying to impress with his learning. He seemed to forget the rest of the audience.

Being impressed with ourselves or with the celebrity of another blocks the power of good communication. In our work and in our speech, we should always remember that God is listening and He is our ultimate audience.

It is never far from my thinking that God is present. If He isn’t, we ought to dismiss early!

Carefully consider this week: 1) When I speak is it to express or impress? 2) How well do I understand myself, identifying my ego potholes? 3) How well do I listen before speaking?

Words of Wisdom: “In our work and in our speech we should always remember God is listening and is the ultimate audience.”

Wisdom from the Word: “The fear of the LORD provides wise instruction; and before honor comes humility.” (Proverbs 15:33 NET)

Has Beens

Brenda’s Blog – November 4, 2025

The old man looked up and said, “People look at me and think ‘has been,’ but I know that my life has been full and I truly “has been.”
In retirement many move to new communities with resources and amenities designed for the aging process. New friends, new experiences, and new locations bring opportunities, but also separate from memories and histories. Often not until we read obituaries do we truly grasp the stories and accomplishments of residents.

Job presents an excellent example of looking back and summarizing a lifetime. He stands and recalls the position he held as counselor, guide, and provider. He outlines the leadership roles and the reputation he had as an elder worthy of respect.

Looking at him sitting on the ground scraping his infected skin, no one would guess at his history, would they?

Recently I read a bio of an acquaintance and was stunned. The accomplishments were startling; the achievements were those of a renowned professional. Yet, this man is now disabled, with physical limitations which hide everything that bio revealed. His cognitive disorder denies him the ability to engage with others. That sterling bio describes someone none of us ever knew.

He has a background which very few rival. He truly “has been,” but time and bad health leave him with so little to share with others.

When we see others, let’s stop to listen to their stories, especially the elderly. Their experiences, their wisdom, their journey has much to offer us. We have much to learn from them. We need their stories; we need their knowledge. We, too, will one day be a “has been,” but God has given us lessons from Him which will strengthen and encourage.

Free Time That Counts

Weekly Thought – October 28, 2025

Fred did not “goof off.” His mentor, Maxey Jarman once sent him a leather Eames chair – the ultimate in luxurious lounging. He pulled it out on to the back deck, reclined, and covered himself with a very large IBM blanket emblazoned with the word THINK. He had one of the children capture it on their Kodak Brownie camera and sent a photo to his mentor.

Free Time That Counts

Many times our leisure determines whether we are going to be mediocre or successful. A Christian should use leisure constructively to build, not to abuse. Weekend carousal is not an option. Volunteer work and healthy diversions are positive activities to include.

Leisure gives us time for reading, studying, traveling, and ministering. We are to invest our time, not spend it. I want my leisure time to pay dividends like any other good investment. An excellent hobby can provide relaxation and a bit of spice for life. Recreation should be re-creation. Our pleasures should restore our energy and create pleasant memories.

For many, recreation is just the opposite. For example, a nurse sat in the adjoining seat on my flight from Miami to Chicago. I asked her whether she was coming home or going to work. She said she was returning from a long weekend of partying in the islands. Her eyes looked like two red traffic lights. She was going home to her job so she could recuperate from her vacation. This sounds backwards, to me. As I see it, she made a big payment for this leisure time without hope of any future dividend.

My friend Jed Thompson uses his vacation time to work on a boat on the Amazon River, bringing with him dentist and technicians who volunteer their time. As well, they bring dental and medical supplies. They go up and down the area ministering to the local people – first to their health needs and then to their spiritual ones. Another family I know takes part of their summer vacation to go to the poorest areas in the world to serve Christ. These as well as those who participate in mission projects to erect buildings, put on vacation Bible schools, join in with Habitat for Humanity, and other groups like Samaritan’s Purse understand a way to invest their time and energy, not just spend them.

Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish. In William Barclay’s prayer he asks for pleasure in his leisure. This only comes through the giving of oneself to something bigger.

This week look at your schedule and ask: 1) How well do I steward my leisure time? 2) What comes to mind when I think about the difference in investing and spending my time? 3) Who can benefit from my example of investing time wisely?

Words of Wisdom: “Service to others is a pleasure unknown to the selfish.”

Wisdom from the Word: “O LORD, restore our well-being, just as the streams in the arid south are replenished.” (Psalm 126:4 NET Bible)

The Last Word

Weekly Thought – October 21, 2025

Fred asked questions… Of others and of himself. Their son Fred, too, has the gift of questioning. This week’s thought is based on a conversation between the two of them.

The Last Word

When I was 28 I sat in a cemetery thinking about what I wanted my family to put on my tombstone. “He stretched others” came to mind and it hasn’t changed for my entire life.

Recently our son Fred asked me, “If you had only one more talk to make, what would be the subject?” Intriguing question, don’t you think? As we all face our mortality, we think more seriously about the impact of our speech and our example. We know our time to influence others is limited. Just as Fred asked me, I started asking others. I find it a worthy question.

I was then challenged to describe the process of answering the questions. A good friend said, “Everyone hasn’t thought about these issues as much as you have, Fred. Give me some help on processing my own answers.” So here are some questions that I thought about in forming my own.

1. What one fact do I feel has affected my life the most?
2. What one thing final thing would I say to my children and grandchildren?
3. What is the one statement that most deeply stirs me?
4. What is the one thing I could say that would affect my hearers the most?

Whether it’s one last speech to make, one last song to sing, one last book to write, or one last time around the family dinner table, it makes a difference when you know what you would want your final expression to be. In defining this, you find out a lot about who you are and what your life’s purpose it.

Editor’s note: (In case you were wondering about Fred’s answer to his son… “The nature of God and the nature of man: is man basically good with a tendency toward sin, or basically sinful with a possibility for good?” He added: “The answer to this question influences all human relationships and commerce.”

This week carefully consider: 1) What would I want my last words to be? 2) How would these words impact those around me and others to hear of my death? 3) Who is asking me good questions?

Words of Wisdom: “As we all face our mortality, we think more seriously about the impact of our speech and our example.”

Wisdom from the Word: “I have competed well; I have finished the race. I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7 NET Bible)

Leading By Example

Weekly Thought – October 14, 2025

Fred chose his mentors and models carefully. From a young age he identified characteristics he wanted to emulate then attached them to men and women who personified them. Maxey Jarman, CEO of GENESCO served as an example throughout most of Fred’s life. He served as a teacher, spiritual guide, sponsor, and friend. Fred, in turn, dedicated himself to stretching others until his very last breaths. NOTE: On October 18, 1915, Mary Alice Swann was born. Hers was a life of dedication to the Lord, her family, and friends. Truly a woman of virtue.

Leading By Example

Role models personify who we would like to become. My wife, Mary Alice, had three women in her early life who laid out the path she wanted to walk. The first was her high school teacher, Miss Brown. She was stately, dignified, and totally ladylike. Mary Alice saw in her what she felt a Southern lady should be. Next was her Bible teacher, Mrs. Keane, who taught a group of young mothers to understand the Scriptures. Her cup overflowed with love and grace from the Lord to those young women. Mary Alice would say, “She is what a Christian should be.”

Then there was Miss Gordon, a tiny, immaculately groomed woman in her eighties. Although raised in wealth she spent a great deal of her time reaching prisoners for Christ. On occasion we would take her to church. Other times we would simply visit. We “sat and warmed our hands in the fire of her love,” as Gert Behanna’s words. Miss Gordon personified the quiet power of victory. When she died, it was a short step from here to heaven… much like Mary Alice’s own passing.

Mary Alice found in these three women role models for her adult life. They influenced her not by what they had but by who they were, just as Mary Alice influenced others by her own life.

Observation and identification are the important elements in role-modeling mentoring. I knew who I wanted to be and I identified those who personified those values. They didn’t have to be personal friends. In fact, when I was young they were not, but I observed them and knew they were the person I wanted to be.

Often the role model is unaware of his or her impact on another. Sometimes there is even little personal contact between the two. The role model can even be a Bible character or a public figure. Many choose historical figures as role models when they read of their lives and the choices they made.

Role models are a visual embodiment of our personal goals and directions. In them, you can see yourself as you create a pattern for living.

This week carefully consider: 1) Who has been a significant role model? 2) Who might be watching me for life clues? 3) What values are core for me?

Words of Wisdom: “Role models personify who we want to be.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Who can find a wife of noble character? For her value is far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10 NET Bible)

Attention, Please!

Brenda’s Blog – October 7, 2025

Attention, Please!

“K-mart shoppers! Your attention, please. For the next 30 minutes there will be a ‘blue light special’ on aisle 3!” Those words would send people scurrying to see what bargains awaited them on aisle 3.

Camp directors hold up their hands with three fingers lifted to indicate campers have to the count of three to get quiet. In a leadership retreat recently, the host was a retired camp director who simply held up his hand to signal the break was over – all the non-profit executive directors and board members immediately responded.

Teachers flip the lights off and on to gain control and indicate all eyes are to be up front and all conversation is to end.

When I was a teenager and a date would last too long in the driveway (according to my Mom), the porch light would begin its “you better get out of that car and get in this house” routine. She knew how to get my attention (and probably that of my puzzled date).

In Luke 9 the doctor tells the story of being on the mountain with Jesus and experiencing the appearance of Moses and Elijah who joined Jesus. Peter was exhilarated. You could almost see him in his holy extroversion jumping around. “Let’s make tents for them!” Scripture says, “Peter didn’t know what he was saying.” Can’t you just see the fisherman babbling on and on?

What happens then? God speaks from a cloud which descended on them. “This is my Son, my Chosen One, listen to him!” In the South we would say, “Hush, Peter, God is talking to you!”

How does God get our attention? We don’t audibly hear Him as He speaks to us in a cloud. But His Word is powerful, intentional, and indeed purposeful. We can hear Him saying to us, “Be quiet, be still” in Psalm 46. We can read of the turbulent waves obeying Jesus as He instructs them to settle down. Our choppy waters are under His control.

And doesn’t He click lights on and off sometimes when we are wandering? The work of the Spirit gives nudges and sometimes not-so-gentle corrections to lead us to repentance. And especially in those times when we get too sure of ourselves and get ahead of Him, we recognize His revectoring.

The heavenly whistle blows and we line up if we are listening. The Word reorders our messy lives if we will only look to His plan. “Listen to Him!” Our loving heavenly Father calls us to obedience knowing true life is only in following Him.

The Providence of Coincidence

Weekly Thought – October 7, 2025

Fred lived a life of intentionality. He believed in the value of time and energy. Yet he chose to avoid a driven lifestyle. He encouraged others to enjoy seeing God’s plan unfold without trying to force His hand.

The Providence of Coincidence

I got a call from a men’s retreat I had led for several years on the West Coast. My physical condition kept me from being there in person, so they wanted to set up a phone call allowing me to say a few words and stay connected to the group. Over the many years this group and I had established a close relationship.

However, because the location was in the mountains there was serious difficulty with the phone connection. Even though they had one of the top professional soundmen working on the project, they were unable to access the venue’s phone lines. Without that they couldn’t set up the system to make the call go through.

Just as the technician was saying it was impossible to make the connection a man and his son walked in the door to attend the retreat. The man was there as a participant, but in his business life he was with the telephone company. They “happened” to drive up in his telephone truck and had all the tools and equipment needed to make this work. He even had the spurs in the truck which he needed to climb the telephone pole!

The next step was to talk with the next door neighbor asking for her patience and permission to disrupt her TV service during the phone call. She graciously invited the man and his son, offered them homemade lemonade – and even hugged them after hearing the story and wishing them well at the front door. Mission accomplished!

When they called me it was clear as a bell from both sides. So many things continued to happen that night “against all odds.” If you looked at the evening the numbers just didn’t add up. Even skeptics would have difficulty attributing it all to coincidence. I have seen them admit that certainly something greater than chance was at work. Years ago in looking at these situations I decided to coin a phrase “beyond arithmetic.” I used it to point to times when random and haphazard just don’t fit. When God connects the dots we can smile and simply say, “I knew that was you!”

This week consider: 1) How quickly do I recognize providence? 2) Where has God connected the dots in my life? 3) How can I train my family to look for God’s hand in their lives?

Words of Wisdom: “When God connects the dots we can smile and simply say, ‘I knew that was you!’”

Wisdom from the Word: “But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible. But with God all things are possible.’” (Matthew 19:26 NET Bible)

The Wise Reader

Weekly Thought – September 30, 2025

Fred believed one of the key elements of maturity came through reading, association, and travel. Almost monthly he received books on a wide variety of topics from friends and acquaintances. He appreciated their thoughtfulness, but he had a basic principle: “I do not feel the obligation to read a book just because someone sends it to me. I also do not believe reading requires me to start at the beginning and complete the entire book. I search for the excerpts which are helpful.”

The Wise Reader

In a book I read recently the author says that some people get to age 35 or 40 and then level off in terms of their personal accomplishments, never climbing any higher. He said that during the younger part of your life, just being alive is enough to drive you forward, but that energy begins to wane. Unless you have a spiritual drive that urges you forward, the physical runs out and you peak.

One of the sources of motivation for me is reading. We can’t keep up without it. Let me ask you something: “What do you read? Do you read objectively? Do you say what do I need to read to improve?” Until you do, you miss the best of reading.
Of course, it is impossible to read everything. I learned a long time ago that my particular interests and gifts are in three areas: theology, philosophy, and psychology. I am an eclectic reader and intrigued by ideas, but since I am a slow reader, concentrate my reading in these three areas. Make clear decisions about what you read and why.

I wear glasses and maybe you do, too. Mine probably cost about the same as yours. Would you trade lenses with me just because I asked you to? Of course not! That would be silly because yours fit you and mine fit me. Reading works the same way. Are you reading what the boss is reading or are you reading what fits you? Are you reading a book because someone sent it to you or because it was on the best seller list?

You wouldn’t wear someone else’s glasses so don’t let someone else’s interests, enjoyment, or career direction determine the use of your reading time.

Understand what your purpose is for reading and carefully discipline your choices.

This week think about: 1) What three books have most profoundly influenced me? 2) What am I reading right now? 3) How would I begin a conversation with my favorite author?

Words of Wisdom: “Make clear decisions about what you read and why?”

Wisdom from the Word: “Then books were opened, and another book was opened – the book of life.” (Revelation 20:12(b) NET Bible)

Making Good Decisions

Weekly Thought – September 23, 2025

Fred expertly made decisions. He skillfully separated the objective from the subjective modes. One of his frequently used “Fred Saids” was “keep current on the facts.” He emphasized the importance of correct data in the process.

Making Good Decisions

Our life is a network of decisions. A few are vital, but many are less important. For example, the choice of a spouse and the decision to have children are two of life’s most critical decisions. Buying a new suit may seem to be critical at the moment but unless your choice creates a serious fashion faux pas it falls into the “middle of the road” category. As I say this I think of an impertinent waitress in our vacation home’s local restaurant… “Well Mr. Smith, I see you dressed yourself this morning.”

Decision making is both an art and a science. There are a few who are intuitively gifted to do this well by being able to see the problem and possible solutions in the same exercise. Charles Kettering, the automotive genius said, “A problem well defined is half solved.” One of my mentors often said, “The secret of good decisions is in knowing all the options.” His process was to outline them all and then choose the best one.

Before Robert McNamara when he was president of the Ford Motor Company was well known for his practice of accepting a colleague’s suggestion, then quickly responding, “What other possibilities did you reject in order to accept this one?” Many times the individual would have to admit that the one offered was the first one to be considered. McNamara would then end the conference and excuse the person to go back and consider other alternatives.

In order to pick good options, you first have to know the object of the decision: what is it supposed to solve; does it apply to the problem or to the possibilities.

I try to first define the current reality by establishing the current facts… not what I wish they were, but what they actually are. Then I think about how each option can be implemented and activated. Solutions that cannot be executed are impractical and unusable. I have seen executive decision makers who put policies in place which were unenforceable and subsequently made management look weak.

A good decision is structurally sound and effectively executed.

Carefully consider this week: 1) What decisions do I have before me this week? 2) How do I establish my priorities? 3) Who models effective decision making for me?

Words of Wisdom: “I try to first define the current reality by establishing the current facts… now what I wish they were, but what they actually are.”

Wisdom from the Word: “Now give me wisdom and discernment so I can effectively lead this nation. Otherwise no one is able to make judicial decisions for this great nation of yours.” (2 Chronicles 1:10 NET Bible)

Older, But Never Old

Brenda’s Blog – September 23, 2025

“Growing older is not the closing act. It can be the most exquisite chapter – if you let yourself bloom again.” These words from British actress Patricia Routledge at age 95 reminded me of an article written by my Dad. His attitude on aging continues to teach me as I am now heading toward 82. Insurance companies tell me 81 is my life expectancy.

That is just an actuarial statistic. Life in those years is a gift from God; living those years is a choice made by each individual. Every believer in Jesus I know uses a familiar phrase: “finishing well.” This means running the race with grace and hope, knowing our days are numbered by the Almighty God.

Several years ago I started thinking about the rhythm of life. A prominent female executive challenged me to analyze my career and recognize the pattern. Her study showed a 5 year career template. She outlined it for me. “Every five years I have made a serious, consequential career move. It didn’t necessarily mean changing companies, just responsibilities and direction.”

That intrigued me, so I began a search of my own. It was put on hold for decades, but as I turned 70, I sat down and figured out my life had a 21 year rhythm. I broke the years down 1-21, 22-43, 44-65, and 66-present. I put one word or phrase next to each category. Then I broke each into sub-categories of 7(+ or -) years to further study each group. When I completed the analysis, I looked at the final group (known as the present) to create a game plan for finishing well. (If you want more details on this life exercise, just email me Brendaasmith@aol.com)

Patricia Routledge’s words: “Let these years ahead be your ‘treasured years.’ You don’t need to be famous. You don’t need to be flawless. You only need to show up – fully – for the life that is still yours. With love and gentleness.”
With God’s grace and mercy I will live out the final season of 21 years. With the faithful witness of those who have gone ahead of us, and with the hope of running well, older, but never old will be my testimony. I will be the woman God created me to be, using the gifts He gave to bring glory to Himself and blessing to all.

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